 الحمد لله رب العالمين له الحمد الحسن والثناء الجميل واشد والله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له يقول الحقاء وهو يهد السبيل واشد أن سيدنا ونبينا محمد صلى الله عليه وعلى آله وأصحابه والتابعين لهم بإحسان إلى يوم الدين أما بعد إن شاء الله تعالى we're going to be doing فق الأصراح the fiq related to family today be evening إلا الله الكريم is going to be the first lesson in the first class the way that I plan to go over this topic and the way that I hope إن شاء الله تعالى to explain it to cover it is in the following way we're going to speak about two topics إن شاء الله تعالى the first topic is and make a marriage and the second one is أن فقات which is the expenditure and the provision and providing for your spouse your wife your children if you're married to more than one wife how do you provide for each one and all of that إن شاء الله تعالى so the two topics that I'm going to go through what's the first one أنكاء and the second one is أن فقات and إن شاء الله تعالى it won't be technical it will be easy for you to understand to digest because it is something practical it is something you can go home and apply in your life especially if you're married and if you're not married it is also something you can apply in your future and the person you want to get married to and the steps that you should take and also I will share advices my humble experience in some issues I will share it as well إن شاء الله تعالى so today إن شاء الله تعالى we will be speaking about أنكاء and maybe even next week we'll still talk about أنكاء marriage because it's a very big chapter today I want to speak about 12 points under أنكاء write it down today when I speak about أنكاء marriage I want to talk about 12 things the first one is it's ruling I want to speak about حكم النكاء what's the ruling of marriage okay what is it's ruling the second thing I want to speak about is بإذن الله الكريم أيون نساء خيرون what woman is best to marry what woman is best to marry what type of woman should you marry said أيون رجالي خير with what man is best to marry this is for the sisters what type of man should you accept his proposal and number four I want to speak about offering one's daughter or sister to a virtuous man offering your daughter or your sister to a virtuous person to a virtuous righteous person number five أنظر إلى المخطوبة looking at the proposed spouse looking at the sister you want to get married to سأتحدث عن ذلك أيضا إن شاء الله تعالى number six الخطبة will be speaking about the proposal the actual proposal number seven will talk about أقدم نكاح the marriage contract the marriage contract number eight the obligation of getting the woman's approval before marriage the obligation of getting the woman's approval before marriage number nine خطبة النكاح the speech for the wedding ceremony the speech for the wedding ceremony number 10 استحباب التهنيئة بالنكاح it is recommended to offer congratulations for a marriage it is recommended to offer congratulation for a marriage number 11 الصداق the dowry الصداق the dowry and number 12 متى يستحب البناء when is it اتفكت to begin cohabiting with one's wife when is it preferred to begin cohabiting with one's wife those are the 12 that i hope to cover today إن شاء الله تعالى let's start with the first one which is هو الاقهاء المتكليفي لجهة المتكليفي يقول أنه يذهب من سقوات احكام التكليفية يذهب من سقوات تكليفة يعني يمكنها ان تكون واجب يمكن أن يكون مستحب حياتاً ركمنة. يمكن أن يكون مكروه، يمكن أن يكون مباح، ويمكن أن يكون حراماً. مجموعة يذهب through all of those five. يمكن أن يكون كل one of those based on the situation that the individual is in. but the scholars they say generally speaking, generally speaking marriage is highly recommended, generally. the default position, the general, that it's a what? it's a highly recommended, highly encouraged. the reason is because Allah says in the Qur'an وَلَقَدْ أَرْسَلْنَا رُسُولًا مِنْ قَبْلِكَ وَجَعَلْنَا لَهُمْ أَزْواجًا وَدُرِّيَّةَ Allah said to the messenger وَلَقَدْ أَرْسَلْنَا مُحَمَّدْ وَيْهَفْ سَنْتَ رُسُولًا مَسِّنْجَسْ we have said messengers مِنْ قَبْلِكَ بِفُوْ يُوْ مِفُوْ يُوْ مُحَمَّدْ we sent messengers وَجَعَلْنَا وَمَيْهَفْ مَيْهَفْ مَيْهَفْ وَدُرِّيَّةَ spouses, partners, and offspring so this is something that the previous prophets practiced marriage if the person doesn't have the scholars they say he doesn't have a legal reason a shitty reason, he doesn't have it it is dislike for him to leave it for him to say I don't want to get married but you don't have a reason a justifiable reason it is dislike and it's haram for you to try to get closer to Allah by not getting married it's an innovation if you say I want to get closer to Allah by never getting married it's haram but if you leave it because you don't want to get married it's dislike it's dislike 3 men came to the prophet 3 men and they asked the prophet's wife or wives about the prophet's عبادة they said how is the prophet's worship how is his عبادة like and they were informed they were informed about the prophet's عبادة كأنهم تقالواها as soon as they were told they belittled the prophet's efforts صلى الله عليه وسلم meaning they thought to themselves that they could do better so they belittled what the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم had did and they said to each other و أين نحن من رسول الله where are we in regards to the messenger the reason why he's taking it easy on himself that's what they were saying is because he's forgiven for his past sins and his upcoming sins we don't have that privilege we've not been honored like that so we need to exert a lot of effort so one of them said فأنا أصلي الليلة عبادة all night I will be praying I won't sleep all night I'm going to be praying another one said أنا أصوم الدهرة I will be fasting for the whole entire year every day of the year I'm fasting I will not miss a day and I will never break my fast وقال أخر another one came the third one he came and he said أنا أعتزل النساء I will stay away from the women I will not come in contact with the women فلأت زوج عبادة and I will never get married فجاءه رسول الله the messenger came to them and said to them انتم الذين قلتم are you guys the ones who said this very fine maybe they are very fighting they didn't jump to conclusions if you had something they will ask the person is this true that you said this some people don't they hear something they jump to conclusions and they finish off the story so the messenger said to them are you the ones who said this this this they said yes then the messenger said أنا والله here by Allah إني لا أخشاكم للله I am the most fearful of Allah I am the one who fears Allah the most وأتقاكم له and I have more taqwa I have more taqwa for Allah and any one of you with that said ولكن أصوم I fast وأفتر and I make my fast وأصلي I pray وأرقد I lie down and I sleep وأتزوج النساء I marry women then the messenger said a golden statement he said فمرغب عن سنة anyone who desires other than my sunnah is not for me anyone who desires and likes to do other than my sunnah is not for me so this hadith teaches us that marriage is from whose sunnah the sunnah of the prophet and the sunnah of what the previous the previous messengers based on the ayah that I gave you but if the person he is scared that he is going to commit zina he is scared he is on the brink of committing zina he is worried for himself then this individual it is obligatory it is on him or her to get married the person has to get married it now pushes towards what الوروب it obligatory on you and that is وقال إمام الإمام الشوكان he said لأن زينة حرام وكذلك ما يؤدي إلي زينة is it haram is it haram and anything that might lead to zina is also it's haram right so you not getting married it's going to lead you to zina so it's haram as well it's going to lead you to zina so it's haram وما هو مقدمة له فمن خشي على نفسه الوقوع في هذا وجب عليه رفعه عن نفسه anyone who is scared that he might fall to zina it is obligatory it is binding on him to push it off himself to do whatever means that you can take to get married then do so فإن كان لا يندفع إلا بالنكاح وجب عليه what about the person who hasn't got the ability the ability is not there he can't but he wants to he doesn't have the ability to get married he wants to get married what should he do the sharia has only given one solution brothers and sisters one nothing more nothing less if a person can't get married and he has the desires then what should he do he should fast based on حديث عبد الله بن مسعود رضي الله تعالى عنه when he said that the prophet said الشبابي youths من استطاع منكم الباءة فليه تزوج which ever of you has the ability to get married he has the ability to what he has the ability to get he has the ability to get married let him get married marry why فإنه أغض للبصري because marriage will allow you to lower your gaze وأحصنوا للفرج and it will protect your private part for you وما لم يستطيع the one who doesn't have the ability فعليه بصومي he should fast now the scholars they've discussed this حديث a lot what does it mean he doesn't have the ability he has the physical ability he's got desires physically he's able but he doesn't have the financial ability he doesn't have that he's the one who's told to go to what to fast why فإنه له وجاء what does وجاء mean fasting castrates you castration means what castration means when they take the testicle out of the camel and the camel doesn't have no desires and it works anything will be put on it it doesn't have that period of time where generally the camel becomes transgressive he becomes serious disobedient because of the desires and the hormone of the camel so what they do is they take that testicle out and it doesn't have the desires if you fast fast it will do that to you it will get rid of that desires we've covered the first point what have we covered we've covered the first point what was the first point that we covered the ruling of marriage we're now going to move on to the second one which is اي نساء خيرون what woman is best to marry what woman is best to marry anyone who wants to marry a woman فليت حر من النساء يجب أن تخلق the woman that you want to marry يجب أن تخلق يجب أن تفكر about it يجب أن تنظر يجب أن تنظر many people they get married based on what based on the qualities they saw in this person no they get married to this person based on desires my father he used to say when you're young your brain is in your waist is it in your what meaning you're full of desires so that's what you think with you don't have a brain to think with so all you think is with desires as long as she's a woman I will marry her and then the brain moves to the head as you go older you have to look at this woman that you're going to marry on what grounds she's going to be the mother of your children do you see this woman being the mother of your children do you see her raising your children can you trust your children with her because what people forget and slips their mind is the woman that you choose is the rights that your children have on you the women that you choose is the rights that your children have on you what woman did you make them their mother what woman did you choose to make that their mother a righteous woman a disobedient woman this is something you have to take into consideration well you've got a lot of people 2-3 years into the marriage they regret the person that they got married to why why did I get married to this person because now the desires is gone you're thinking straight at the beginning think straight who do you want to be with look at the qualities that was prescribed by the messenger there are many qualities but we don't have much time to go through all of them but these are some of them or the most important the first one is and and she should be a woman of religion a woman of deen she she should be religious steadfast upright the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم I said حالية أبو هريرا رضي الله تعالى رضي الله تعالى عنه اتفعني الصحيح البخارية المسلم الأبو داود عن ابن ماجى النسائي فالمسلم just said a woman is generally married for four when people marry a woman it doesn't matter they marry a woman for one of these four reasons the first one is he looks at her he says she's rich this woman she's got money she's got a big purse she's got a big purse she's got money so he marries her for the wealth that she has the number two وَلِحَسَبِهَا her lineage she's the daughter of the royal family or she's from a prestigious household وَلِجَبَالِهَا her beauty he sees her and he's amazed with the way she looks وَلِدِينِهَا her religion those are the four reasons look at the prophet and said فَلْفَرْ بِدَاتِ دِينِ تَرِبَةِ يَدَكِ the messenger said go for the woman of religion the religious one may your hands be filled with dust may your hands may your hands be filled with dust if you marry this woman with religion you will prosper but if you don't you wouldn't when you get married and you have a religious wife a pious wife generally you find at the times of conflict at a time of hardship in your relationship she will fall back to the Quran and the sunnah the iman fluctuates لا شك but there's something she wouldn't let go of are you with me Deen is there when you're away brothers and you come back home your children are learning the Quran memorizing this studying this your household she will make sure it's a religious household because she is righteous she is upright very important this quality is very vital Deen religion with the Deen brothers comes great qualities and many people are having fights many conflicts between spouses when you look at it one of the two is not practicing the Deen you tell her who you talking to she doesn't understand that language it doesn't press a nerve تقلها doesn't mean anything to her are we all together what type of wife are you married to if your discussion is pray the salah no I'm not going to pray what type of children are you going to raise in that kind of household something to be worried about right you're going to have a problem here the second quality that the scholars mention is that she's a woman who bears children she's child bearing she has children now this is a question you've just seen a sister how can you choose her on the quality of being child bearing she doesn't have children how can you choose her on this quality huh you look at her immediate family members her mother's got 12 kids her older sister's got 15-20 kids she's from a household they have children marry her it's a good quality ولي داريكا the messenger said to us تزاوة جل ودو دل ولودة marry the woman who is child bearing and she's also loving she loves her husband she always wants to beautify herself for him she's always trying to make herself look special for him loving and also she's what she's also ولود child bearing because the professor said the day of judgment I'm going to boast in front of all of the nations look at my umma don't brothers and sisters strip this from the messenger he is saying to you I want to boast the day of judgment in front of all nations I want to say look how big and large my nation is so don't take that away from our messenger this quality that he wants the third quality that the scholars mention is that she's a virgin why virgin they say the reason حنيت جابر من عبد الله جابر the great noble companion he was a companion and his father was a companion he came to the messenger and he said to him I got married I got married I married so when he said this to the prophet another narration says that the prophet said to him I got married I got married جابر جابر did he get married he said yes I did the prophet said I'm a big run a biker I'm a sayib a virgin or a non virgin all to sayib I said I married a non virgin then the messenger said to him why didn't you not marry a virgin to sayibuha you would play with her the scholars they underlined this term to sayibuha you play with her when the woman generally speaking she's a virgin and she hasn't come into contact with no other man she comes with the quality of loving she becomes attached to her husband because all of the world to her is this she tends to want to be in a marriage she's more attached to the husband and she's more what connected to him and loving whereas the one who's either widowed or divorced another divorced or another broken relationship may not affect her as much as it would the virgin because she's gone through it that's generally speaking and there are always exceptions like in Jabir responded he gave his reason and he said I have daughters sisters I have sisters I was scared and I was scared that if I married a young wife a virgin that she would fall with my sisters and be part of them I wanted a woman who would be over them supervising their situation because remember his father died and his father left all of his sisters with him so I married an older woman so she can take care of my sisters for me that's why I did it then the messenger said then the issue is as you said this is better now the scholars they take from that that is generally better to marry a virgin because that is what he proposed in the beginning but then because there was a there was an external benefit an external reason in the situation of Jabir then for him it was better to marry a what a non-virgin are we all together brothers so yes there are times that marrying a non-virgin is actually better than actually marrying a a virgin but generally speaking it's better to marry a virgin now we move on to the third point now now the third point the third chapter which man is best to marry this is for the sisters now what type of man can you make the father of your children which man can you trust yourself and your children with can you see yourself you see yourself being with this man for the rest of your life can you see this man becoming the father of your children all of that take it into consideration don't think and this is common you want to get married because you want to leave your parents house and you're sick and tired of always being told what to do and what not to do and you just want to run away and you throw yourself into a hands of a man observe scrutinize what type of person do you want to make your husband the woman the benefits that she has is that she's not alone in making that decision she's aided she's supported and the woman in our religion she's protected she's taken care of she's not abandoned but she runs around Islam has really taken it serious when it comes to the affairs of women that the woman should be taken care of she should be helped she should be aided she should be supported before she gets married it is her father's job it is her father's role to take care of her once she gets married and her father passes her over to her husband then becomes the husband's responsibility to take care of this woman and once she has her son she gets her husband and her son to take care of her she's always been taken care of so that moment of choosing this husband this spouse this partner the sister should consult her godia her father her brothers they can see right through this brother see right through him and a lot of the time you find the sisters who aren't taken care of looked after generally speaking you find they're either one or two they don't have a father they probably don't have a brother and so this man is taking advantage of her he has nobody to account him or her father is absent from her life he's there but he's absent he doesn't care and so she then endorse a lot of abuse so it's important that you take and you play a role in your daughter's life you choose her husband with her with her it's a joint effort with her contribution and your contribution to come to the best person for her the messengers صلى الله عليه وسلم look what he said إذا جاء أكم if they come to you or father if they come to you من ترضون دينه the person you are pleased with his religion a man who's religion you're pleased with who and his manners and his etiquettes his أخلاق and his دين you can't say anything about it the prophet said فَاَنْكِحُوهُ مَرِهِمْ أَفْرِهُمْ no other qualities after that does this man have religion yes does he have deen yes pay a ponder on this hadith the prophet said he knocks on the door he asks you for your daughter nowadays people don't need to ask you we're in a life in a climate people snatch your daughter away from you it's a reality with social media the man who comes and knocks on your door has shown you utmost respect don't get angry at him pat him on the shoulder show him that the step that he has taken it's an honorable state but many people are doing this you look at his deen look at his أخلاق if he has these two the prophet said what about if you say he's not from this country what about if you use those arguments or he's not from our home town in our own village a lot of uncles and fathers are going to get angry هو ليس من جميعك ، هو ليس من جميعك ، لن ترىه من قبل ، من أخر أثنصيتي أو أيضاً لأجل هذه المنطقة أن ترده ، ماذا سيحدث ؟ إلا تفعلوه تكون فتنة في الأرض وفساد عريض، وفساد كبير إذا لم تتحدث ، إراده إلى هذا المنطقة أو هذا المنطقة الذي يوجد هؤلاء أيضاً ثم فتنة سيحدث عن هذا الأرض ، فتنة سيحدث ، فتنة سيحدث وفتنة والله ، أردت ذلك ، أردت ذلك كان يوجد أبي who was a good brother صحيب وديل ، فرصة مدينة ، فرصة مدينة يتحدث عن مدينة ، من المنطقة من المنطقة ولكن ليس من المنطقة المنطقة يسأل لك أنك ستدي ، مع أبداً من المنطقة وذلك أردت أنه ، لا ، لن تتحدث ، لن نفعل هذا قبل لن نفعل هذا قبل ، أرجوك وقت لم يذهب ، فتنة فتنة كانت تجمع من المسلم هل كان ذلك too long؟ This is in the UK She got pregnant from a non-Muslim And then he looked for the brother So it's important brothers The deen of Allah was made for a reason Okay It will help us, it will support us Now I want to speak about The fourth point Offering one's daughter to a virtuous man You have a daughter Or you even have a sister And you know a virtuous brother A righteous brother Can you present your sister Or your daughter to him? Is that belittling? Is that bad? Is that humiliating your daughter? What does the Sharia say about that? You see a brother who is righteous His deen is very high Nowadays you don't find that deen It's rare So you came across one of those brothers Every fragile is praying with you in the masjid Salah, ba'a, obedience Upright His words, his honesty He's amazing And you have a sister She's in the house You ain't going to get married to her She's a sister Or your daughter Can you go and offer your daughter to him? Yes, you can عبد الله بن عمر in he said عبد الله بن عمر He said أن عمر بن الخطاب He's father, عمر بن الخطاب حين تأيّمت حفصة بنت عمر حفصة بن عمر She's the daughter of who? She is the daughter of عمر رضي الله عنه Her husband died His name was called خونيس بن حدافة السهمي He's a brother of عبد الله بن حدافة السهمي He died So when he died He died in Medina عمر رضي الله عنه He said فأتايت I came to أثمان العفان عمر came to أثمان العفان And he said to him فعرضت عليه حفصة Do you want to marry my daughter, حفصة? Who is he saying this to? أثمان أثمان then said سأنظر في أمري I'm going to look into my affairs I'm going to revise my situation I'm going to look into it فلبثتوا ليالي عمر said I remained for a couple of days ثم اللقياني And then he came back to me He came back to me with a response فقاله دانساتني قد بدالي What seems to be apparent What seems to be appropriate What seems to be appropriate in my situation right now is اللأت زوج I shouldn't get married It is not appropriate It is not the right time for me to get married عمر then said فلقيت أبا بكرن I bumped into أبو بكر I came into contact with أبو بكر أبو بكر صديق فقلتوا I then said to him إن شيطة if you want زوج تكاء I will marry you off to my daughter حفصة I will marry you off to my daughter حفصة فصامة أبو بكرن أبو بكرن just went quiet No response And he never came back with any response فلم يرجع لي الشيطان He never said anything in response He didn't say yes or no أثنان what did he do أثنان came back and said I don't see it appropriate for me to get married at this particular moment But as for أبو بكر And he just went This pierced into the heart of عمر He started to have something toward أبو بكر And this is very important brothers This is a man's daughter He presented This takes a lot of courage He's so good in you And so he presented his daughter to you You need to take it very serious If you're going to accept it And if not say no So عمر رضي الله تعالى عنه لكن أبو بكر didn't respond back And أبو بكر didn't respond back because he knew something There was a reason why he didn't He knew something That's what made him silent وكنت أجد عليه مني على عثمان عمر رأس I had something in my heart towards him Not عثمان But I had something towards أبو بكر What he did to me He didn't get back to me I presented my daughter to him I offered my daughter to him And he never got back to me فلا بثتو ليالي I stayed for a couple of nights ثم خطبها رسول الله لما سنجمارتها صلى الله عليه وسلم فأنكحت وإياه I married him off To the prophet I married her off to the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم فألاقي أنا أبو بكر أبو بكر came to me now فقال ليه Then sat me لعلك وجدت علي حين عرت علي حفصة فلم أرجع لك شيئا I know you took something in your heart To me You took into your heart A grudge Towards me After you presented your daughter حفصة to me And I never got back to you صح And then Omar said نعم أفخص أفخص I did that أبو بكر And he said فإنه لم يمنعني The reason that I didn't Give you an answer was because And I didn't get back to you was because I knew كنت أعلم I knew I had knowledge أن رسول الله قد يكالها The messenger mentioned her The prophet was interested in ماريحة حفصة صلى الله عليه وسلم فلم أكون And I was not one لأفش يسر رسول الله And I was not one to spread the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم another benefit that I want to take from here was أخذت أخذت إليها والدخولة و sobie أراك لا يقول لا يقول فكرة يراك لا يقول ذلك و باقية لا يقول كتاك و يجب أن يتكلم ويقول على إماام اشتراه أريد أن أخبرك لقد لم أخبرك هو فكرة ولكن أخبرك لقد لا أخبرك و يخبرك و يقومم و يسبرك و أخبرك أنت لم تخبرني أنه مكراً أخذتك إلى القوانة، أخذتك أين تعتقدت أنه مكراً؟ لذلك المجرد لا يتبقى ماذا أنه يمتلك مجرد ولو تركها رسول الله و مجرد آخر أبو باكر لم يقول أيضاً ماذا لم يقول نعم لأنه إذا كنت رسول الله علي صلى الله عليه وسلم أردتها و لم يقول أنه لا لأنه لم يريد أن يتبقى مجرد أبو باكر إذا لم يريد أن يتبقى مجرد أبو باكر و لذلك another benefit that we take from there that some people sometimes you offer them food and out of humbleness and humility they'll say to you I don't want it your stomach is growling your stomach is making so much noise you're hungry, of course you're hungry so you combine between lying and hunger أبو باكر don't say I don't want it because you do want it or you do need it so he said to him I didn't accept it point number five أنظروا إلى المخطوبة looking at the proposed spouse the woman that you want to get married to looking at her and what is it that you can look at what is permissible for you to look at I ain't gonna go into all of that what can you see and what can't you see if a man proposes to a woman it is legislated, it is permissible for him another إليها to look at her قبل before he even proposes to her are we all together brothers before he even proposes to her he can look at her لحديث محمد منو مسلمة especially based on the حديث of محمد منو محمد منو مسلمة he said خاطبتم راعتا I proposed to a woman فجعلت أتخبق لها I was hiding from her حتى نظرت إليها في نخل لها I hid on a tree just look at her while she was in the house she doesn't know are we all together brothers and the scholars they mentioned this type of looking is the best because she's unaware she's normal like herself are we all together brothers but if you tell her I want to see you it goes against two things number one most likely she will not show you her real self are you with me brothers and number two you're telling her to get rid of her shyness her father raised her to cover herself up from her the opposite agenda and nurtured her in that way and now you want to see her take her for example are we all together so those two reasons it's best to see her without her knowledge I'll see what the wisdom behind that is محمد ابنو مسلمة when he did this the people around him they said to him اتفعلوا هذا are you going to do this وانت صاحب رسول الله and you are the prophet's companion are you going to look at a woman from the top of the tree and you are the student of the prophet and the companion of the messenger عليه الصلاة و سلام and then he said سمعت رسول الله I heard the prophet's say إذا ألق الله في قلب مريئ this is before even proposing to the sister if Allah throws in your heart the desire to marry a particular sister خطبة مراعتين to marry a woman فلا بأس there is no problem أن ينظر إليها to look at her there's no problem here if you look at the hadith the messenger he said look at her how long can you look at sorry how much can you look at it's not mentioned and there's became a big difference some scholars they said the face and the hands and the feet only a group of scholars they said no her neck her face her hair her two hands and her two feet and another group of scholars they said you can look at her in her totality that which seems appropriate is when she's at home and she wears her عباية her neck her face and her two feet sorry her two hands and her two feet that is enough for the brother needs to see what's the wisdom in looking at her what's the hikma of doing this المغير من الشعبه he said I came to the prophets فذكرت له I told him امرأة أخطبها a woman that I'm gonna propose to فقال the prophet said إذهب فنظر إليها go and look at her why فإنه أجدر أن يقدم بينكما this will bring about affection this will bring about what it will bring about affection do you know what woman you married do you know how she looks there's no surprises once you marry her affection that's important because one of the three pillars that marriage stands on is what brothers the three A's you don't know these three A's you should be in شبه ya brothers these three A's appreciation affection and attention these are the three pillars of marriage أركان ونكاه ثلاثة the three pillars of marriage appreciation a woman needs a man who appreciates her she needs appreciation whenever she talks what do you know why are you talking with us women don't like that it destroys them whenever she comes with something and she says something you belittle it she needs to be appreciated are we all together brothers appreciation that's رقن الأول that's the first pillar what's the second pillar they need affection what do they need affection affection at husband affectionate is more than sexual intimacy broader are we all together brothers sexual intimacy is just physical intimacy is also that plus the heart you're talking to the person's heart intimate that's the second pillar what is it affection and the third one is attention attention when she talks you listen you give her attention you know what she's sometimes I agree with you brothers that the wife will tend to bring up the same story it's like she hasn't told you before and she'll tell you again just make it look like it's the first time you heard it wow really is that what happened it's good for you to do that brothers it helps you the food that you'll be given will be nice your house will be warm you'll have a good marriage these things brothers if you do it you won't be leaving the house with two different shoes so for you to enjoy your marriage these are the three pillars okay brothers these three pillars so looking at the woman the hadith here told us affectionate comes from it maybe like Muhammad told us one of the pillars is found now we're going to move on to the sixth point which is the proposal the proposal the khitbah what does khitbah mean what does the proposal mean is you request you propose for marriage you request for marriage from this woman from the well-known ways and what is that to go to the girl's father or her guardian and whoever is in charge I will speak about that it is to request for this girl's hand that's what you do if the family say we agree we've accepted you brother to us you are what you're accepted get yourself ready bring your family members you have to make this official and we'll get this state it's going to be the nikah and this time it's going to be the wedding get ready that is the proposal you've proposed many people they think the khitbah may sit allowed for you two to just hold hands and go to the chicken and chip shop eat food together in the restaurant the food in each other's mouth are we all together no you're nothing to each other it's just an agreement the family have accepted you they can come back from it and they can say look we found someone better than you they can easily say that if they want to but what is the value of the khitbah if it's nothing then what value does it hold yeah there's a value it holds there's a benefit in it which is at that time of the approval no other man can approach her it's prohibited the professor Allah he prohibited نهنبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أن يبيع بعضكم على بعض the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم he prohibited and he forbade selling against one another your brother selling a merchandise he's selling a product he's got a customer in front of him and you whisper into the ear of the customer he say I'll give it to you for a better price and you walk away you're not allowed to sell against one another you can't do that to each other ولا يخطب الرجل على خطبة أخي and it's also prohibited and it's forbade for a brother to propose to a sister that is already been proposed to by another brother another brother has approached her father he's been approved you're not allowed to come you can't say don't worry how much is he going to give you for the dowry I'll give you what I'll give you where did he say you're going to live in this country I'm going to make you live in this country and then you start putting yourself forward like that it is haram also what falls in this point that I need to mention is a sister and it's common brothers be very cautious and sisters be cautious which is a sister who is in her عدة from الطلاك رجعي she's معتد من طلاك رجعي she's in her عدة from a man who divorced her once or twice and she's in that period of time all he needs to say is what رجع تكي I took you back that's all he needs to say the husband at that period of time you can't propose to her it's haram for you to propose that sister it's haram you're not allowed to in any way shape or form again it is the sister whose husband can still take her back and the عدة hasn't finished he's able to take her back okay because this man is still her husband be careful here all he needs to just say is رجع تكي we're all together brothers but what about if the sister she's in the عدة of طلاك رجعي this man is divorced her three times رجعي at الكبرى he said to her you're divorced he divorced her three times he finished it nothing left for him but she's in عدة the scholars they say that he's not allowed to propose to her بالتصريح he can't come up to her and say to her I'm the one inshallah I propose to your sister can I marry you once you finish your عدة he can't say that to her but he can do what the scholars called التعريض he can do indirect he can do what he can do indirect to that sister who's in a طلاق بائين this husband can never take her back if the عدة finishes he's finished it all but she still has a عدة to see whether there's a child in her right she has to wait for her the three طهارة among the three حيض are we all together brothers in that moment the man is allowed to do indirect let's see you around things like that which is تعريض it's not direct and the evidence for that is the statement of Allah صورة البقرة ayah 235 where Allah says ولا جناح عليكم there's no problem فيما عرضتم عرضتم is what تعريض indirect there's no problem for you to indirect are we all together brothers indirect to that sister there's not a problem now we're going to go into number 7 let's see you around you deserve to be treated better و هكذا تعريض is not direct it's indirect now we're going to go into عقدو نكاة عقدو عقدو نكاة the marriage contract which is number 7 there is two pillars that have to be found it stands on two pillars number 1 اذنولولي the permission of the guardian a woman cannot marry herself off the permission of the guardian it's it's obligatory based on the ayah فنكيحوهونا marry them off what did Allah say marry them who's been spoken to here the guardians Allah said to the guardians guardians marry them off marry the women off they can't do it themselves the guardian does it for her he marries her off but what in the evening اهليهنة with the permission of their with the permission of their families عائشة said رضي الله تعالى عنها that the messenger said صلى الله عليه وسلم ايام مراعة any woman لم ينكيح الولي the guardian did not marry her off this woman she's not married she ran with him he married her stole her from her father she's married to him فنكيحوها بارطل هنكيحوها بارطل null and void فنكيحوها بارطل this prophet said second time the nikah is null and void فنكيحوها بارطل third time the prophet said her nikah and this contract null and void فإن أصابها if he had sexual intercourse with her فالها مهرها she has a dowry just because the contract was null and void that doesn't mean there's no dowry or there's a dowry فالها مهرها بما أصاب منها فإن استأجروا if a woman doesn't have a willy she's without a willy she's a new muslim she doesn't have a willy فالسلطان ولي يوم اللى ولي لها then the guardian for that woman is there the leader the court if they don't have all of that then for instance the Imam وما إله إلا are we all together he's the willy of that of that woman he marries her off no circumstances can a woman marry herself off in any way shape or form question here now if a woman gets married without the permission of her guardian like many people have done and then a child comes from this which many cases happen is this child ولي دوزينة is this child born from outside wedlock no بإجماع العلمة there's no difference of opinion it's a consensus that this child is attributed to the father and it's legit it's a legitimate child pay attention to this because this نكاح is called نكاح شبهة what is it called نكاح شبهة but if he is told the ruling he's told you're not in a nikah by the way there's no need for divorce you just say go your way nothing was here in the first place I remember there was a situation where two parties found out that their نكاح was done in that way they found out the ruling and so the sheikh said go separate ways and if you want نكاح can be done for you now bring the guardian the woman said we just go our separate ways he said yes the sheikh said yes and if you do both want to get married then bring your wali she's like no الحمد لله I want to go home I don't want to be with this man are you sure sheikh the point here is that there's no divorce needed then who it is not a it's not a nikah it's not a nikah the Hanifi method they say it's permissible وما إلى ذلك and it's not an evidence for you if there comes a deal with one of the sunnah brothers however noble that Imam is however great he is however respected he is you cannot place his speech in direct opposition to the statement of Allah and his messenger very serious Allah and his messenger takes presidents over every and anybody إذا جاء نهر الله باطلة نهر مِعقل as God as they mentioned this proverb which is that معقل was a man he used to have a little الحمد لله he used to have a little valley and a little valley he would charge people for the water give money because he's the one who cut the valley he's the one who made the little well he'll take money from the machine and everything he put there الله sent rain down and it made a lake are the people going to go pay for معقل his water نه if the Quran and the sunnah comes there's no need for the statement of anybody after that are we all together brothers the second pillar which the contract of marriage stands on is حضور الشهود there has to be the presence of witnesses there has to be witnesses there has to be witnesses they mentioned this Allah he said إلا بوليين except with a guardian وشاهد عدل and two two trustworthy witnesses two reputable witnesses it can't be any it can't be وثالث ليس في خير it can't be any random brother it has to be somebody reputable someone honorable someone has integrity reliable upright, steadfast those are two pillars we're now going to move on to the 8th point which is وجوب استئدان المرأة قبل زواج the obligation of getting the woman's approval before marriage يا يي serious here the obligation of getting the woman's approval before marriage a woman has to be سوتي permission needs to be taken from her the guardian has to talk to his daughter and take her permission the evidence for that is حديثة وبهوريرا that the messenger said لا تنكح الأيّم حتى تستعمر the virgin she is not married off unless with her permission I'm sorry the ayim is the widow the widow I'm at the divorcee the non virgin she is not married unless her permission is suit the father will say to her dad do you want to marry the non virgin because she's been through marriage she'll be directed to say daddy I want him because she's been through that so her permission is suit she's asked ولا تنكح الأيّم حتى تستعمر and the virgin her permission is suit but remember the virgin when her father comes and tells her about her brother that wants to get married to her she blushes and she turns away she's shy she doesn't know how to talk to she doesn't know what to say to her father she starts those were the good old days those were the those were the good old days the blessed days the glory days ya صحيح right now they would let their father finish the sentence how do you know what was in my heart and سبحان الله it's this concept of shyness that has been killed حتى the one who is shy people are belittling her for being shy belittling her the messenger peace be upon him he said peace be upon him الحياء ولا يأتي إلا بالخير shyness does not come with except good shyness it only brings about good and so now the girl is forced come on social media show yourself show a bit of skin come on what are you shy for everybody's out there everyone's doing it everyone everyone are we all together it's sad it's really sad it's sad so the prophet peace be upon him said that the virgin her permission is sought so the father doesn't just tell her my daughter you're married insha' Allah go to your husband no it's forbidden خنساب انتخدامي للأنصارية listen to the story because wallahi these are the issues because of cultural reasons that people do this in western countries in the countries that we're from liberal, secular free societies they use this to demonize Islam and say look when really this is what culture if you look at our forefathers and our parents they will tell you they got married they were married and they're mature women they were married off I'm gonna make do I against you or I'm gonna do do I after you which one do you want shall I curse you for the rest of your life no daddy don't curse me هاية marry this man and she goes and she marries him are we all together and so when people see this and they attach this to Islam and they say this is what Islam propagates this is what Islam says this is evil it makes the religion look bad and it really isn't a part of the deen this is a what it's a cultural practice that people are doing so خانساب انتخدا من الأنصارية she said أن أباها زوجها her father married her off وهي ثيب she was a a non-virgin فكاريها ذاليك and she disliked this action of her father فأت رسول الله and she came to the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم صلى الله عليه وسلم فرد نكاحها the prophet he reversed the nikah عليه صلى الله عليه وسلم who? her name her name was خانساب انتخدا من الأنصارية خانساب انتخدا what did the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم do? the messenger reversed عليه صلى الله عليه وسلم and he he nullified he and he terminated it like it never happened عبد الله من عباس and he said أن جارية بكرا أتت النبيا a virgin girl came to the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم فذكرت and she mentioned له أن أباها زوجها وهي كاريها her father married her off and she was not for it she did not concentrate she did not approve of it فخيرها النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم the messenger said what do you want now what's your choice what do you want to do do you want to go for it or do you want to let go he gave her a choice even though she's been married off it's your choice she did you can't say oh it's too late now just follow your father no it's your choice do you want it now or do you not want it I had a dinuna that's our religion and I want you to remember brothers Islam liberally liberated women is at that time who would want to hear the woman what she has to say women were inherited just like products you know how money was divided and it was shared are we all together if the father died his women were part of them the products that were inherited the women had nothing the boy would marry his father's wives in the Arab culture at that time before Islam she was inherited whether she liked it or not she doesn't have no say nothing this is the liberation that were for are we all together brothers this is what we want this is what has in it the benefit of this world and hereafter anything other than this is destruction is destruction now we are going to go into the ninth point which is خطبة النكة the speech for the wedding ceremony before the contract I mean before the the contract is made for the act the contract is made it is recommended that the خطبة الحاجة is done إن الحمد لله نحمده ونستعينه ونستغفره ونعوذ بالله من شرور أنفسنا ومن سيئات أعمالنا من يهدي الله فلا مضل له ومن يضل فلا هادية وأشد أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك وأشد أن محمدا عبده ورسول يا أيها حق تقاته ولا تموتن إلا وأنتم مسلمون يا أيها الناس اتقوا ربكم الذي خلقكم من نفس واحدة وخلق منها زوجها وبث من أمار جال كثيرا ونساء آ أنت تعلم يجب أن تقول like that ونساء آ لأنه تنوين على همزا واتقوا الله الذي تساءلون به والأرحام إن الله كان عليكم رقيما يا أيها الذين آمنوا اتقوا الله وقولوا قولا سديدا يصلح لكم أعمالكم ويغفل لكم ضلوبكم ومن يطع الله ورسوله فقد فاز فوز العظيم أما بعد فإن أصدق الحديث كتاب الله وخير الهدي هدي محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم وشر الأمور محدثاتها وكل محدثة وكل ضلالة في الله يجب أن يكون أو يجب أن يكون رقمانا رقمانا قبل أن تفعل مجموعة الشيخ أين يجب أن يفعل أو يجب أن يجب أن يذكر ماذا ماذا ماذا خضبت الحياجة في هذه أولئة التي أخذت رقمانا يجب أن يكون مخيف قبل أن يكون مخيف وقلت أن يكون مفهوم وقلت أن يستمر فعلي أن يكون مخيف وعلي ونرد أن يكون حول وكهو الناس يجب أن يرى إجابة قبول ويجب أن يكون إستخدامه يجب أن يرى ذلك هل نحن نحن نملك؟ حسنا الآن سنذهب إلى المنطقة 10 التي تستحباب التهنيأة بالنكاة أنها تساعدة أن تساعدة الناس who have just gotten married ويجب أن تكون لديهم ويجب أن يكون لديهم ويكون لديهم لديهم ويجب أن تساعدة المنطقة ويجب أن يكون لديهم ويجب أن يكون لديهم there's a way to say it and there's a way that you say it you say بارك الله لكم بارك الله لكم may Allah place barakah in it for you both Allah's blessing for you both وبارك عليكم and may you be blessed I may blessing be placed on you جمع عليكم and may Allah join you both في خيراً in good these are things you need to learn and memorize you see our religion from the early beginning all of it starting the brother chose the right sister the sister she chose the right brother they all took it the right way they didn't hide behind this they went to the father the father married them off anyone who follows this and the people are making du'ar for you your household what ruin does sheytan have we're all together brothers where's he going to squeeze in come on nowhere we're going to see more insha'Allah بارك الله لكم وبارك عليكم وجمع بينكم في خيراً now we're going to move on to the 11th point which is the dowry الصداقة the dowry الله تبارك واتعالى He commanded us in the Quran He said صدقاته النحلة الله تبارك واتعالى He commanded us and He said give to the women which women whom you marry the women that you marry الله سبحانه وتعالى He said give to them their dowries with a good heart give it to them in a good heart some men what do they say to the women when they get married to her and she asked for the dowry me? come on what's this gold digging characteristics that you have I'm providing for you sister man I'm taking care of your whole life and now you're coming up to me and you're asking me for the dowry He brings it up so much he feels like okay I don't worry have you keep it so she doesn't bring it up no الله تبارك واتعالى when did He instruct us and He commanded us and many of you think this might be a joke but there are men and women that are married and I know and there are many in number 30 to 40 years and this woman has not been given her dowry at all and it hasn't been spoken about at all and she cannot bring it up she cannot dare to he just gives her that look and then every time he says I've never said to you I'm not going to give it to you yeah you haven't but you scared to leave the daily out of her الله commanded the man he said وَأَاتُنْ نِسَاءَ and give the women the women that you married when do you give them صدقاته النحل give them their dowries with a good heart some men when they give it they throw it at her take it man and then a couple of hours he's like what are we going to do he wants to share so I would give the sisters a tip make sure he gives you the dowry before you get together make sure he puts that dowry and everything on the table so he doesn't give you that weird look later yeah take it from him early okay brother I'm sorry this is the reality take it from him early let him put it on the table فَإِنْطِبْنَا لَكُمْ عَنْ شَيْئِنْ مِنْهُ نَفْسَنْ فَقُولُهُ هَنِئَا مَرِئَا if the woman then what she does is she's a nice righteous kind hearted woman you give it to her you have to be a man brothers give her the dowry say it's yours don't ask it for her it's her haqa don't take it from her but if she finds it in her heart kindness if she wants to share it with you then she's allowed to it's her right she can what she can but you can't terrorize her and scare her to take that dowry from her her dowry can it doesn't necessarily have to be a monetary a money of it doesn't have to be it can be it can be it can be it can be it can be anytime it's debt by the way brothers it's debt if you don't pay that it's debt that's on your neck be careful it's debt which is on your neck so this is the rights of the woman on the mind there's no limits and no one can limit it the dowry is what it is limitless she can say 20 billion if she wants to and she can say I want an apple it's her choice there's no limit no one can restrict it in any way shape or form like in the Sharia what did it do it urged her it recommended it mentioned that it's better to lighten on the what on the dowry and not to make it very heavy and hard because at the end of the day it's this man that you're going to live with you don't want to destroy your husband before he even gets married to you you cleanse him you got you want hotel throw this in let my friends know what day of the week it is let them know who came in town helicopter everything red carpet everything I want BBC news to broadcast and so the brother the next day when he gets married to you he's what he's skin he's looking at you like what are we going to eat what are we going to eat now you cleansed him and now you're going to suffer because all of that money you spent other people ate it and took it to the toilet even you don't have it I actually see the wise woman the one who says give me money let's do a little wedding simple wedding give me all of the money the key he's the most smarter than the one who says I want a big hole the hole you probably just going to come there 5-10 minutes and myself as well you've only done it for other people so make it easy and don't destroy your husband and don't destroy your husband before even becomes your husband you don't want him walking sideways and having no money if the man at this point I want to mention with the dowry is if the man he put other things into the contract he put other the contract for instance he said I'm never going to get married again I'm only going to be with you I promise you he writes a contract she says sign the dotted lines and he signs it he's not allowed to break that contract Haram if a woman has a contract with her husband that he can't marry another wife just me and myself you and me we're only going to pay hide-and-seek no one else he's not allowed to say I want to bring someone else he has to follow that contract the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he said in the hadith a حقما أو فيتهم من الشرورطي the biggest things that you can fulfill your contract with the conditions the biggest contract that you can fulfill is مستحليتم به الفروج it is the one that you got permitted the woman's honor you had intimate relationship with this woman she gave you the most valuable thing of hers you have to fulfill the promises that come with it that which you agree to but we all together that we're talking about there's conditions that are innate they are already part of the marriage like for example that you're going to provide for her you're going to give her a roof over her head clothing and everything that she doesn't have to state it's already there if you don't fulfill it especially if you've taken her from her father's house you've taken this woman from her father's house and she was provided for food was given to her clothing and everything and you bring her to your house and you don't give her anything حقما أو فيتهم من الشرورطي أنتوفوا بهما استحللتم بيل فروج yeah I just spoke about it okay good question two questions the brother asked the brother said is it I don't want to put words into your mouth so correct me if I'm wrong in the way I say it the first question is can the woman basically disapprove and make a condition something Allah made lawful yeah we have evidence for that the message is Allah A.S when when did the prophet refuse yes he refused the messenger refused to marry off to allow to marry another woman with Fatima why Ali had an initial agreement with Fatima that he would never marry another woman if I'm not wrong ابن القيه mentioned in his the second question that you asked is by the way just as a side point calligamy is not مباح calligamy is not مر السنة مباح I'll discuss that another time number two the second question was yeah there's the brother asked is there a difference of opinion from the scholars regarding whether the woman is allowed to assert that condition I mean there is a difference of opinion I can as I said that the evidence allude to that that so convince her in the beginning if you don't want to sign the dotted line say look at this system and what are you saying you know discuss it with her but if you sign that contract المؤمنون على شروطة the believers are of their condition you cannot break that condition you made a promise and you need to fulfill that promise if she uplift that condition from you she uplift that condition from you then it's permissible now of course it is last point is when is it preferred to begin cohabiting with one's wife when is the best time to cohabit with your wife عائشة رضي الله تعالى عنها she said تزوجني النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم تزوجني رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم في شوال the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم he married me in the month of شوال وبنا be in شوال and he took me to his house as a bride during شوال فأي يونساء رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم كان أحباء عنده مني and then عائشة said and who amongst the prophet's wives was dearest to him than I which one was the most dearest which woman did he love the most than I there was an Aisha who did he love more عائشة خديجة the prophet he was asked himself عليه الصلاة والسلام أي الناس يحبوا إليك who is the most beloved person to you person to you and they said من الرجالي from the man and he said is it not a clear Hadith أسن لدخلها from scholars they say that خديجة when خديجة passed away عائشة was the best and he used to always remember خديجة does that mean he loved her more than عائشة he doesn't show that he doesn't show that he really loved خديجة he really did على كل حال there's a difference of opinion here but other than خديجة he did love عائشة the most you all know the famous story when the messenger عليه الصلاة والسلام he boycotted all of his nine wives for twenty nine nights he stayed away from all of them left them walked away from them so عمار رضي الله عنه who heard when he heard that the messenger عليه الصلاة والسلام is in the masjid and he left all of his wives all of his wives the first thing that he did was he went to عمار and he said what are you guys doing and he tried to tell her off and she said عمار out of all of the things that you could do you are now putting your nose into the relationship between me and the messenger is that what you want to do get in our lives and she got upset with him and she said leave عمار became angry and then she added something else on it she said if you really want to talk to somebody don't do it for verily she talks back to the prophet not that I am encouraging sisters to talk back to their husbands I am not endorsing that and I am not encouraging that but our prophet عليه الصلاة والسلام sometimes went through that I will together and now I am endorsing it I am not encouraging that a sister should respect her husband and not speak back to him anyways he came to حافصة and look what he said to حافصة he said حافصة don't let it fool you what Aisha does to the prophet for verily he loves her so much he will overlook some of her actions that which she will not overlook for you who said that who is he saying that to his own daughter so everyone knew he loved Aisha more right it was what common knowledge it was what that she will never show in your what in your actions whichever of your wives that you love the most you shouldn't show in your actions you should be fair you should be one sided shouldn't be you should be one sided وكان تستحب أن يدخل النساء أن يدخلها في شوال and the hadith says and Aisha preferred that the women of her family would enter the house of their husbands as bride during the months of شوال actually he used to prefer that that if you are marrying a man that you enter onto him as a wife in the month of شوال that's the time when it's highly recommended and Aisha even though she said this and it was a statement of hers the scholars they say it has a ruling of it being attributed to the prophet because that's where she got the ruling from she wouldn't sanction some she had no knowledge for but we all together next insha'Allah week we're going to be speaking about what is it that is recommended for the man to do on the first night the do's and the do's and I encourage any one of you who have family members to make them come because this will help them a lot especially people ask a lot of questions of these sorts but we all together and we'll be speaking about next week issues of divorce things that cause divorce why it happens and what makes it happen and a lot of people ask the question of I was very angry I was vicious I couldn't hold myself and then I spoke it we'll speak about that insha'Allah also next week insha'Allah anything which I've said that was wrong or incorrect is from me and Shaytan and his messenger are free from it سبحانك اللهم سبحانك اللهم