 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnthasley.com And I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic guys fall in love when you reveal this when a woman Reveals this guys will fall in love with you. All right really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And any time during this video if the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I could be seen in the YouTube Algorithms really quickly my coaching is what I call heart centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally I use Explosives to enhance the sentence so if an f-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now Lastly, these are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means do I suggest this is the truth You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian So my advice goes contrary to public opinion or traditional advice So all I ask is you give it a chance and if it doesn't resonate with you, that's okay, too All right, let's talk about how guys fall in love when a woman does this Well, let's face it today It's getting really really really hard to fall in love with people and what I mean to say if you're single and looking For love and you're in midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement It's becoming increasingly hard to meet people whom you're compatible with and more importantly people who are Emotionally mature enough to be in a healthy happy relationship In fact, most folks are suffering in the inside in some way shape or form of not feeling good enough Not feeling lovable not feeling likable Which causes them to actually be dating today to fill the void inside of them that whole inside of them So what they're seeking oftentimes is connection and physical sex Without that real understanding of what does it take to make a relationship work and furthermore? What does it what what is a relationship all about a relationship is about commitment? It's about agreeing that we're going to explore something for the long term rather than the current dating process Which is short-term in fact many people these days men and women alike are only capable of a Casual relationship and in many cases these casual relationships are more like a Situationship or what I call a friends with benefits But you just don't know about it and what I mean to say and I'm laughing but sadly laughing when I mean that you Don't know about it is you guys are really just Marginally socially friends, and you're having physical sex, but you're not really aware that that's all that the other person wants And so this is one of the reasons why in my private coaching I talk about the need for radical honesty I talk about the need of genuine vulnerability authenticity and transparency Because the reality is today most people are flaky in the dating process And this is true of men and women alike their communication is flaky their behavior is flaky It's inconsistent that because of these devices now. It's ruined practically the Well, it's ruined in the sense that there's all this perceived choice And it's true because of these devices We have access to people that we wouldn't otherwise meet in our daily life, and yet it is causing so much Information overload that human beings are becoming rather Flaky and what's worse they're becoming very They lack courtesy and they lack care Let me repeat that they lack courtesy and they lack care about someone else's feelings And by the way, I know ladies you can you will you will scream at the top of your lungs saying I get it I get it men are bad men are bad men are bad folks I experienced the exact same thing that women experience So this isn't a one-sided coin This is true of men and women life, and I believe it's because the vast majority of human beings As I said earlier are struggling because they don't feel good about themselves. They don't love themselves And they don't like themselves because the reality is is most of us were wounded in our childhood Or in our adult experiences and these wounds have gone unhealed I'm gonna repeat that the majority of the population is wounded on the inside Whether it's childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that have gone unhealed and the vast majority of the Population does little or no personal development work on a daily basis, and I mean a daily basis I mean a daily basis You know they could have a Deepak Chopra book sitting on their nightstand, and you go wow They're so of all and yet it's never been opened. It's not highlighted and scratched and pastes pages are all You know fold it over like most of my books And So I share this with you all it's because we have to get real with what's happening out there And there's this hyper focus on Chemistry as being the indicator of relationship success without the recognition that it's important to share the same values To have lifestyles that are blendable with one another and as I said before emotional maturity In fact, I believe the vast majority of the population a Significant percentage of the population is actually rather dysfunctional dysfunctional in their relationship skills in their emotional maturity This is why I continually recommend to my audience checking out the book the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in one's life and The minute you begin the exploration of personal development. Let me tell you your life actually becomes even more chaotic because of awareness and The beauty of awareness is that it's an opportunity you get the choice now Do you want to be a victim or do you want to be a victor? Repeat that you want to be a victim or do you want to be a victor and sadly here in the United States? We are the majority the population is sucking on the nipple of victim consciousness It's always somebody else's fault. It's always the guy's fault why the relationships don't work out It's always the woman's fault why relationships don't work out You know, it's interesting. I was watching I've been watching a show-on-show time called couples therapy couples therapy And these are real-life couples therapies with hidden cameras and in the beginning of season 2 What's so fascinating is the therapist says most couples go to therapy Thinking that the the therapist must fix their partner. They're pointing the finger at their partners fix my partner fix my partner fix My partner without looking inward. I Mean, that's the way human beings operate. So is it any wonder? It's a cluster fuck out there in the dating realm And you know, it kind of cracks me up because I have many contemporaries who got married in their 30s You know, and they spout all this this this What's that? What's the word I'm looking for they spout all this perception around dating when they have no fucking clue What it's like to go through alimony child support visitation brides family court erectile dysfunction Elderly parents in in assisted living to name a few and I say this because if you haven't Experience what it's like to date in your 40s 50s and 60s and you're giving advice in this area You're coming at it from only half of the coin You're only you're looking at it from the vantage point of how you met your mate without any Understanding of what it's like today and it is a mess It is a mess. Okay. So I just laid out no hope, right? And you have people falling in love most every day in some way shape or form And not everybody is going to have a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship In fact, the vast majority of people are going to have dysfunctional relationships And many people will settle on dysfunctional relationships. It's because it's better to have something rather than nothing I'm here to advocate when you do the personal development work when you Understand the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship. You become a magnetic attractor for people like yourself This is why folks whenever I say before the penis goes inside the vagina You should be reading the book eight dates by doctors john and jolly gotman because this is the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship This is this is the blueprint. This is the roadmap. This is the conversation you should be having If you want to explore something deeper But Jonathan I'm just told to sit back in my feminine energy and all the magic will work out by just being in my feminine Ladies that's not how it works It's not about leaning back in your feminine energy. It's about leaning into your sovereignty your self worth your self esteem And being intentional in the process. This is why I can't stand masculine feminine rhetoric Because it's a bunch of garbage setting us up for failure It sets up relationships as a one up one down type of thing The man is here and the woman is here And then you get frustrated the minute you assert any boundary because you gave your power away to a man This is why I continually recommend the book if the buddha dated if the buddha dated because this throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric That's setting up else everyone Setting most people up for failure folks I'm a big proponent that the dating process is a two lane street Men and women equally making effort one another equally investing in one another Ideally from a place of compassion and care for the other human being And yet most humans operate from a selfish place Women operate selfishly men operate selfishly and then the minute they operate selfishly they get labeled a narcissist And now every video out there is all about narcissists narcissists and gaslighting and this thing and that thing It's not narcissism. It's just called the It's really just dysfunctionality That's it. It's dysfunctionality So how do we shift this how do we shift this narrative? And I'll get to why men what men fall in love with in a second I invite everybody to fucking be radically honest on that very first phone call Why the fuck should I date you? Give me a good reason why I should date you. Why are you worthy of my time? Why are you worthy of my time now? I say this a little tongue-in-cheek? I don't mean it that Crass or cavalier Lee But at the same time, why should I consider investing any time with you? You know what? I think people men and women should be spending time not proving themselves from the chris rock perspective of Showing up as the ambassador of them best selves I rather by showing up as our authentic self Our authentic self So that's going to tee us up for the conversation about where and how men fall in love So if you watched my video this morning, it was a short about men love creativity I talked about Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote the book e pray love. She also wrote a book called big magic And in the book big magic, she encourages everybody to explore their creative side Because our creativity gets us out of our head and into our hearts Out of our head and into our hearts And so this is where we're going to lean in today is leaning into your heart Of what makes you unique? What makes you special? What's your superpower? What makes you weird? And so I'm going to share with you a little bit about my private coaching for a second because there's an exercise I work with my clients. It's called. What's your weird? What's your weird now? I want to read you a poem really quickly. It's a short little quote I should say and in this quote it says We are all a little weird and life's a little weird And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours We join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. Can anyone guess who wrote that? I'll read it again, and I will share but can anyone guess who wrote that? And the best illustration of weird to me Is the movie when harry met sally when harry met sally And sally but these are this is a couple who met on a trip from I believe michigan to new york And it was they were graduated college and they couldn't stand each other at the end of this trip And little by little over the years they began developing a friendship And sally was very unique especially in the way she ordered food in the way she ordered food And this is my version of it But she would she was very neurotic in the way she ordered food And what made this so special was the two of them did have a fight And at the end of the movie at the end of the movie Harry realizes he was in love with her and he rushes over to her and he says I love it that it takes you an hour and a half to order a ham sandwich I love it that you think 71 degrees is cold. I love it that you're the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last person I think of when I go to bed And when I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you I rushed over here to tell you He didn't fall in love with her good qualities. He fell in love with her unique qualities So I want to share a little story I mentioned before About a client of mine and she went through my private coaching some years ago and one of the exercises I shared is the weird Exercise and she loved it so much that she called me out and said can we take a break from coaching for one week? By the way, she gave me permission to share this And in that week she created a book and I want to share it with everyone in this book It's called welcome to my weird the peculiar quirks of alexandra walkins And you can see that's a picture of her right there Now she's a creative type so coming back to creativity And what she did is she's a photographer as well So she took all her photographs and wrote little captions about her about herself in here That made her unique peculiar weird different than everyone else And she created this little copy table book. In fact, it's my signed copy of it right there Let me read you what she says. She goes jonathan. Thank you for inspiring this book You are an amazing dating coach and I am forever grateful for your guidance. There she is right there alexandra While I'm sharing this with you is um after doing our work together literally a month later She was fixed up on a blind date with someone and on their third date. She gave him a copy of this book Now glenn the man that we're talking about was the man who gave his kidney to a total stranger He gave his kidney to gave one kidney to a total stranger. I mean a real mensch of a guy And on their third date he gave a copy of I think third or fourth date She gave him a copy of this book and as he's thumbing through it He goes I'm in love with you now. He didn't mean it literally, but just that peculiarity Those the uniqueness within her also her creativity Is what actually helped bond him with her which helped him bond him with her and they eventually they lived in san francisco They eventually got a place in san diego They moved down together about a year after meeting and they've been together ever since and i'll share this video with them And I share the story because they illustrate And alexandra is a beautiful lady. I mean she's gorgeous on the outside, but she is absolutely peculiar And glenn appreciates her uniqueness Her peculiarity her weirdness So I want to read you that quote one more time and i'm going to share the author with everyone real quick We are all a little weird and life's a little weird And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours We join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. This is dr. Seuss And I think it's a great illustration to recognize folks The old pattern old way of dating. Is it working? What's going to require if you want to find a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship? It starts by finding that juicy delicious happy relationship within yourself This is why I continually recommend my book What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? It's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work So you can heal on the inside so you can have a vaccination to emotional chaos By the way, there's a link to all my recommended books in the description below And why I say this is We when we actually work on our shit We actually open ourselves up For that beautiful delicious relationship and it's not going to work by the way And your dating life is going to even become progressively harder Because you got to sip through a lot of needles in the haystack This is why radical honesty is meant to be done over the telephone I literally want you to interrogate guys before the first date So you can actually see if you're a fit with one another and again I teach all these techniques in my private coaching. There's a link below to schedule a free discovery call with me Because through this experience through radical honesty, you're going to avoid hopefully The wrong guys and start teeing it up for the right guys Because when you're with the right guy, just like glennon alexandra He's going to appreciate those things about you that you might not even appreciate about yourself So I invite you all to explore what your weirdness is and before I wrap up today's The content segment today, I'm going to share with everyone a weird thing about me I'll share a weird thing about me and I invite you to post a weird thing about yourself in the comments So something weird about me is I can't stand condiments. I can't stand condiments Ketchup mustard mayonnaise and relish are the grossest thing on the planet to me I literally cannot have them on a table when I go to like a coffee shop restaurant I ask the waiter waitress to please remove it because it grosses me out Um, I'm okay with high quality mustard I mean really really high quality kind of like it But I can't stand the garden variety something that comes out of a plastic thing. Oh, it grosses me out I barely can walk down the aisle of a department or a grocery store So that's something unique and weird about me. We all have something unique and weird about us So I invite you today To explore those parts of you that's both creative unique different special and weird Because that's and Most importantly when we can honor our uniqueness within ourselves Maybe just maybe you can do the same for another human being We are riddled with judgment here in the united states in particular And it is through judgment and intolerance that's making this process even harder Because the reality is is we are all a little weird and life's a little weird And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours We join up with them and mutual weirdness and we call it love And that's how guys fall in love when you reveal that part of you that is unique And that's my invitation for everyone. Are you in agreement with me if you are give me an amen All right, I think this will be a great time to start our Q&A portion of our live stream So if you're watching this video live There is a chat box there and you can post a question by writing the word question And then post the question there after or you can purchase the super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box All the funds from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there. That's my son who passed away a few years ago It would be truly an honor if you did contribute today to the fund This fund helps defray the cost of personal development for those who need personal development work or I else and excuse me Not or and I donate to those personal development causes such as the hockman process and insight That truly makes a difference in people a lot people's lives So again, it would be an honor today if you found value in this live stream so far to purchase a super sticker super chat All right, let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Oh, by the way, check this out Let's keep let just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming This was a gift from one of you beautiful ladies out there in the youtube land. I want to thank you so much for this gift Um, I also have a this is the dory and I also have the nemo Nemo finding Nemo. Yeah as well. All right And I want to thank everyone so far Uh, all right angie writes What should I act when What should I act when a guy I'm dating for a few weeks is still in touch with his ex at a regular basis doing yoga They broke up nine months ago. He also wants me to meet the yoga group. What should I I think you mean? how should I act so Again, this is a great illustration of what I was sharing before and that's radical honesty So what you could simply say and let's call him tim for example tim I understand that you have a connection in a relationship with a past lover of yours And I want to be candid with you that makes me feel a little uncertain Or it makes me feel insecure not to suggest you're doing anything or you have any feelings with her But you I wonder how you would feel if I was continually talking to an ex. How would that make you feel? Or better yet, how would you feel about that? So I'd like to have some open dialogue about this to find out where you stand between the two of you And now I recognize that you can have a friendship with a past lover in your life, and that's totally okay I understand that At the same time, do you still have any feelings? Do you communicate on an intimate level with each other because if I'm going to be dating you and I'm going to Be giving you my heart body and soul then I'd like to know that what said between us Stays between us. I'd like to know that you're not talking about our intimate conversations Or that you're seeking advice from her because that makes I would feel very uncomfortable with that So can you let me know where you stand? now ladies All you can do is be vulnerable Authentic transparent you can't guarantee if he's going to do the same But I invite you to lead by example because you might find that either a it's purely platonic and it's okay Or you might uncover that there is a past connection with them And it might you may have to reconsider being in a relationship with them So that would be my invitation for you angie is to lean into the conversation And see how he reacts you have ladies It's important to almost become a detective today to become a detective today And um it literally requires that So it's important to watch his body language watch his languaging watch his actions Does his actions match his words? Is he demonstrative towards you? Is he is he vulnerable authentic and transparent or is this just a relationship where basically this is all you do How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you have a good day Folks many people have surface relationships and I invite you to go below the surface And that was that would be how I uh suggest you talk to him and if you I recommend rewinding this Listen to the the script I gave you and try that out for size. So angie. Thank you so much for that That's a great question All right, I see we have a super sticker and I want to thank angie for the ten dollars way to go Thanks so much. I really appreciate All right Let's see what else we have. Let's go swim in Nicole says question when a guy you like sends you gifts does he Does he love you secretly does he love you secretly? So I don't have the book handy, but if you're not familiar with the five love languages the five love languages The five love languages is how human beings express love in five particular areas now Most people have one two or three primary love languages and then they have secondary love languages or third or whatever So the five love languages are words of uh affirmation or like we leo's call it words of adoration Physical physical physical touch quality time acts of service and gifts So what's happening most likely in this particular case is this man Shows his love or affection through gifts And I think that's just to recognize that that's what he's doing would be a real And I I hope you're demonstrating appreciation to him for his efforts So I invite you to look at so what was your question? Um When a guy says does he secretly love you it certainly means he has a deep affection for you He has a deep affection for you is it's not a guarantee. Listen love happens folks Let's clear this thing up about love Because most folks focus on love based on the good things the good things True love happens and I think of my mom and dad who were married 66 years before my mother passed away Actually, they knew each other 72 years. Can you believe that? um Love isn't the good things That's not even the weird things where love happens is They stand beside you when you're going through chemotherapy and they're wiping the vomit from your face That is where love resides. It's not in the good times. It's through the tough times This is why I'm such a proponent of not Using romance as a way to bond two people together Romance should be reserved for two people when they're in relationship Not as a way to get into relationship because most everybody is suckling on the nipple of chemistry equal relationship success And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg You can see the tip of the iceberg says chemistry Above the water line is attraction But true compatibility lies in shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity That's where compatibility lies and emotional maturity is that space where you're going to say i'm going to be there for you through thick and thin And yet sadly most people are dating today seeking connection and sex casual relationships with no commitment You know, I almost want to say today we should be and i'm not suggesting this as an absolute But think back when if a guy wanted to get laid he had to get married He had to marry you to get laid. So there was a real level of commitment Today commitment is this much It's zero. There's no commitment to get the penis inside the vagina. There's basically the agreement That you'll be monogamous and exclusive with one another, but that's no guarantee so folks ladies It's time to put your chastity belt on and i'm not saying a guy has to jump through hoops I'm saying you both have to jump through hoops getting to know each other at a hard centered level instead of this surface level Of chemistry equal relationship success It takes a lot more than that to really be in love with someone and it's not just giving gifts A real love is i'm going to be there for you through thick and thin So when I say my hope is when I say I love you to my next partner my my last first kiss It's going to mean I'm here You matter We're important I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. I'm here meaning i'm present Most folks are so much in their head. They're focusing on the future. They're focusing on the past They're focusing on whether or not the guy paid for the valet I'm here be present You matter that's saying that you're important to me that your feelings matter to me that i'm gonna I'm actually going to care about your feelings and then we are important That means that the relationship is a separate entity and I recognize that we have to invest Both of us have to invest mutually for this relationship to work out Sadly most people don't see the relationship as a separate entity. They're more focused on what they can get Versus what they can give and this is true of ladies as well as men I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back That means that when you're sick, I'm gonna be there for you. I'm not gonna bolt if you got COVID I'm well, I'm gonna be wearing a mask, but I'll be right there with you bringing the chicken soup and helping you out I'm not going anywhere. That means I'm committed to this relationship And I only want you that means I only want to fuck your brains out on a regular basis I don't have the need to go seek sex from somewhere else. I'm here. You matter. We're important I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you so love is a lot more than Just showing up for all the good times love is being there through the tough times And so I just want you to understand he's showing affection right now through his love language But real love happens when you establish the deep roots of trust The deep roots of trust and again if you need some help with that That's my area of expertise to teach you how to create those deep roots of trust Check out the free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you I want to thank our uh, who wrote that in Nicole, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate giving you a big gigantic chop and barrahawk All right, let's go. Let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming ah What do we have here? Purchase the super stick or super chat Glenn says surelock is my hero. Jonathan's a close second. Thank you so much. I appreciate it All right. Do we have any questions? All right, Shannon writes in with a question question I've gotten really close to my neighbor who is my age at 40s He does everything for me and texts me every day and he is like my best friend He won't do anything physical with me advice Fuck his brains out. I mean Folks, I mean, I just say listen. I don't have a I have a filter. I also say this for comedy What you might want to say is look we seem to have a great relationship Would you be interested in exploring this beyond friendship? Would you be interested in exploring this beyond friendship? Now, that's one thing you can say to him The other thing you can do is have a couple cocktails and get flirty with him. That's another thing you can do You can tell him. I'm really attracted to you. I'm physically attracted to you. Just let it slip out in conversation That might be enough of a hint. But this is the time for your your green light This is the time for you to drop the hanky. You can simply say I'd like to explore a relation a romantic relationship together I'd like to jump your bones. I'd like to explore the physical with you beyond the friendship That's at least an option And you could even just simply start by saying I'm physically attracted to you that gets a guy's peacock going If he's genuinely interested now, here's the thing. I invite you to ask yourself Does he have childhood wounds and traumas? Does he have adult traumas? Does he do personal development work because he may not only he may only be capable of friendship and may not be able to go deeper And that's okay, too But I'd rather you make effort and fail Then make no effort whatsoever. We men are used to it and by the way We have been beat we've made lots of we make effort and we get rejected We make effort and we get rejected and we make effort and we can get rejected This is why men's hearts are just as fragile as women's hearts because we've been rejected over and over again And after a while that wears on our emotional psyche as well So just try to get an understanding of where he's at Where he's at emotionally And give it a try that's listen. What do you got to lose? I mean, are you really going to lose the friendship? By the way, there's a great Seinfeld episode where Jerry and Elaine Talk about not screwing up the friendship if they have sex together I would highly recommend looking it up. It's the Seinfeld episode where Jerry and Lane Are talking about exploring sex together, but they didn't want to ruin the friendship So you might want to even watch that episode ahead of time with them To kind of tee it up. That's just a suggestion. Anyway, so coming back to your question Shannon I hope that helps out And when you say he won't do anything physical that's certainly representative of being respectful of you And I don't think it's going to hurt. I don't think it'll hurt your friendship If you're honest with him it might make it a little bit uncomfortable But I'd rather you give it a shot than waste your time or or having regret Folks, I'd rather you explore opening your heart to men In a kind, gentle way because if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right guy and that's my invitation for you Shannon. Thank you so much. Great question I really appreciate it All right, Kimberly writes Jonathan. I asked my guy deep questions You suggested and he asked me to quit watching you. Is this normal behavior? Um It's is it normal behavior? It is certainly Okay, so most likely he either feels threatened by my content or he's not capable of going emotionally deeper Either he's threatened by my content or he's unable to go emotionally deeper So then this is an opportunity for you to ask yourself Does this man have the emotional capacity to be in the kind of relationship I like now folks I'm not here to suggest you can't be in a relationship with a man who has no emotional capacity You can be with men who are an emotional vacuum if you wish if they pay the bills and take care of you That's an option But thankfully women aren't dependent upon men like they used to be in the past So and not to suggest that your boyfriend has to fill your emotional Basket if you will But why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't be radically honest with you? Where you couldn't be vulnerable authentic and transparent You know, most people will tell you who have been married 30 40 50 years who are happily married They all say the same thing I married my best friend. I married my best friend and what that means is I married somebody that I can say almost anything to I don't have to say everything but I can say anything to Knowing that it's a safe place. That's what friendship means So it's hard to say Why he's threatened by it But my guess is it's because he's not able to go emotionally deeper And by the way, I always recommend leading by example. This is why I always recommend reading these books together Read this if you're if you guys are fucking each other then you should be reading this book Otherwise, you're just in a casual relationship or a Situationship and if you want something more then I invite you to do the work together To decide if this is the relationship I want to invest in For the short term or the long term and that's my invitation for you By the way, I also recommend checking the book nonviolent communication by marshal Rosenberg This is a brilliant book a brilliant book to learn how to communicate in a healthier Hey so um Listen You can tell him i'm saying this right now. Why are you so threatened by my videos? Is there something that you can't share with us? Call me up. I'll get on the phone with you, dude If you want to get on the phone and talk to me, I'll do it Because guess what your lady wants to go deeper on an emotional level And if you genuinely care about her if you really care about her Then why not invest in some of the books? I recommend and do this work together because listen These days ladies The the cow is for free. You can get the what's the expression? Why buy the milk? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free the milk and the cow are free There's little of nowhere investment people have to make so i'm Suggesting radical honesty is your investment to one another to be vulnerable to be authentic to be transparent to go beyond the surface Of these casual dating rhetoric that's creating little or no emotional safety together And I yell at the top of my lungs just like a child would be touching fire I'm yelling so you don't make the mistakes that everybody else is making and i'm like your big brother I've got that shotgun there on your date and i'm looking your guy in the face going What are your fucking intentions with my little sister? So dude? I'm going to talk to you right now. What are your intentions? With my youtube follower What are your intentions? Why don't you tell me? Anyway, I went off on a I went off on a rant so Kimberley, thank you so much for that question. Is it normal behavior? There's no Normal is a relevant word. It just happens to be his behavior. So Hey, throw this video and see how he responds Let me refrain that share this video and see how I respond. Thank you so much kimberley I want to give you a big gigantic job than bear hug for that one. I really appreciate it All right, let's keep swimming Let's see how everyone's reacting to my lab my last rant Uh Gray says, uh I want to thank lisa for the dollar super sticker I guess it's not a super sticker, but thank you so much um Gray says I suggested eight dates book and he was out god's protection folks when a guy doesn't want to invest in this work He's not legit too legit to quit It's not legit if he ain't gonna get into if you're not willing to get your hands dirty, then they're not legit They got your vagina for free Don't let him get it for free anymore Cosmic queen says thank you for your insight and sincere encouragement. Thank you so much. Glenn says. Thank you kimberley says. You're the best Thank you so much All right, let's keep swimming Ah Jenny says do you have a list of books you recommend by the way in the link below jonathan recommends books? I highly suggest you checking that out tk says What what about jonathan's videos that make you so angry? Oh someone else was saying they're angry. Okay, got it all right Let's go swimming All right folks. I got if you have a question post the word question All right, here we go jane p writes Question why do guys tell you they love you very soon when they don't really know you only a few weeks of dating All right, I've got a confession to share because I have done this So If you're not familiar with well first off there's two things going on when a guy Comes on strong love bombs you all that kind of stuff. It's not necessarily Narcissism every everything is narcissistic today. It's not narcissism. I know you didn't bring that up. I'm bringing that Okay So when a guy likes you it could either be lust or limerits limerits. I invite you to google it But limerits means extreme infatuation. I even shared recently How I had this extreme infatuation for a woman. I just met I was so smitten by her And it was really chemicals being released in my brain to my body that made me think this was love And this is what chemistry is all about chemistry drives us To another human being and sometimes it's beyond our control. It's like Crack cocaine. It's like heroin So it's not necessarily a cognitive thing. It's an unconscious thing happens when we think we like someone A lot like when we think I got something my two when we think we're with the one So it's not uncommon for men to do what's Again, it's called love bombing But another thing it's called what I alison armstrong calls it cut and paste cut and paste and what that means is We men will cut and paste you into our lives to see what that looks like I call it trying on for size trying it on for size This is like when you go to the shoe store and try on different shoes You're trying it on for size and that's what men do when we're boasting about real sincere care Because it takes it takes us kind of be amped up to to let go Of our need for freedom I'm repeat. It takes us being amped up to let go of our need for freedom To actually want to commit with someone now the scary part is When those chemicals release and they're gone is their real love. This is why folks i'm here to encourage Listen social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends as part of the dating process Instead of the rhetoric of just going out to dinners all the time and having surface conversations How's your day? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Did you have a blessed day? Most folks have surface conversations. I'm here to invite you to go to deeper conversations and recognizing that most of the time You're meeting a total stranger, which is why I recommend reading this book talking to strangers What you should know about people you don't know And in addition, I highly recommend reading the book emotional intimacy emotional intimacy Because this will help prepare you to ask better questions to get at a deeper intimate level with someone because ultimately real love happens Through thick and thin but it happens through intimacy into me. You see This is why i'm so tired of the current dating rhetoric and especially those entitled women who expect to be Romance or to be swept off their feet and the guy paying for the valet and folks. Yes, that is a big It's a big complaint. I have it's an argument I had with some other dating coach about this and it's it's listen I have a beef around it. But because it doesn't prove anything Paying for dates paying for valet doesn't prove shit what proves shit actions matching words having victor consciousness not victim consciousness Knowing how to fight fair, which means active listening when there's a disagreement And validating the other person's point of view and empathy and empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings Empathy as I care about your feelings. But more importantly, I care about my own feelings and lastly Transparency if it's material to the relationship speak up about it Most folks don't do that. They have very surface relationship. This is why I share with everybody One of my favorite memes Oops, i'm going to pull it up right here I'll put it up on the screen I hate small talk I want to talk about adam's death alien sex magic intellect the meaning of life faraway galaxies music that makes you feel different Memories the lies you've told your flaws your favorite sense your in your childhood What keeps you up at night your insecurity and fears? I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't want to know what's up Folks i'm here to encourage deeper intimacy deeper connection And it starts by reading these books. By the way, there's two other books. I highly recommend how to build trust in a relationship by claire robin and couples communication by olivia Listen, I don't know how to pronounce her name couples communication. Check these books out on amazon It's time. Listen ladies Guys don't know this shit They're winging it. They're winging it. They're winging it most men are clueless This is why I encourage you to lead by example by expressing yourself and not leaving it up to the god But jonathan all the other dating coaches told me i'm in my masculine if i'd lead the relationship You're not leading the relationship. You're just leading by example There's a big difference because leaning back in your feminine energy will only temporarily claim the anxious guy who just wants to fuck you But then once you're together, he'll most likely run away So just like in this conversation here. So again, why do men do that? It's a natural thing to do And what's most important is have deeper conversations When it does happen and that's my invitation for you jane. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it All right, we're gonna take one more question before we wrap up today. By the way, you can purchase a super stick or super chat All right All right twit says question if someone says to me, what's your biggest fear? I wouldn't go deep other questions. Maybe but I should but should that question be a warning sign Oh, I love this question okay, so You might say to someone if someone asks you what's your biggest fear You could say, you know what being abandoned in a relationship. That's a fear. I have To be rejected is a fear I have Folks if being honest, let me reframe that if being vulnerable authentic and transparent I'm using those fears is a turnoff to a person Then this person doesn't have depth by the way when two people would depth get together You could say almost anything and it will not harm the relationship But as I said continually throughout this broadcast, most people are on the surface or on the surface Surface I'm here to suggest go below the surface So if someone asks you that and that's a turnoff then I invite you to answer to me What's your fear in sharing that? If you're afraid they're going to use it against you. I'm not here to suggest divulge a secret Don't divulge any secrets, but I'm a human. I'm a red-blooded human being I'm going to tell you my fear is being rejected My fear is to be abandoned I think part of that probably happened when connor passed away Because it feels like an abandonment I have no problem sharing that with someone and if that turns them off They're not the right woman for me if a woman can't Handle vulnerability authenticity and transparency then she's not the woman for me And I'm inviting you to do the same look at you can follow the book the rules The book the rules is game playing way of connecting with people You are more than welcome to follow the book the rules That will temporarily land you the inappropriate guy in your life And then you're going to spend two to five years in miserable In this because you use the game playing techniques to get someone I'm here inviting everyone to do deeper work And I'm inviting everyone to pull out this fucking book and read it together Read it together because this book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman is the roadmap to a relationship And if you're going to have sex together then you have every right to say then what's our game plan here? And I invite you to read this book. That's my invitation for everyone All right By the way, can I get an amen? Does this resonate with you? Please let me know hit that like button Legally blonde says I love this guy. Thank you so much. I appreciate it All right, let's scroll here All right folks, you know, this is going to be a great place to wrap up today folks I want to thank you all for your love kindness care. I want to thank this beautiful lady You gave me this dory cup. Just keep swinging. I just keep swimming. I really appreciate it I hope you found value in this if you did please purchase a super sick or super chap before we wrap up I'd love to collect more funds for the connor asley scholarship fund And if this has been a value to me, do you please share this with your friends? Please check out the links below to a discovery call my My podcast my membership program or follow me on instagram as well. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart I want to wish you a super duper wonderful evening I'm going to wrap up as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic shot the marig of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. You can all use more love in our lives I want to thank you so much. I'm going to say good night to uh, holly nicole glenn finding dory sunflower natalie holly jones sarah grace jennifer Uh, teresa sweetheart. Good to see you. I'm so happy. This is all resonating with you. Thank you so much Have a blessed evening. Bye now