 And then someone said to me, well then don't wear your tie when you drink a coffee, Shem, you know, like, oh, you mean there's some things I can do. But this is how it slowly started to just sink into my consciousness. And I would do the third step in the morning and I'd go to that meeting and I quickly make a few phone calls in the morning on my way to work. So I want to pull off the road. How's it going, man? What's new? Broker, Shem. Um, I just went to my local Jerusalem pizza. So, uh, I saw the links I popped on anyways, even though I was stuff in my face. I got my, uh, chili cheese fries, um, nachos and cheese sticks and a Greek salad. And I bumped into, uh, one of my first rabbi sons. Now I guess he's a successful businessman and we're talking a few minutes. You know, like, I think I was nice. How come you don't come around anymore? But like, yeah, he is, uh, your brother and sister now are grandparents. I remember when they first got married. Um, you know, now they're grandparents, uh, but, uh, you know, it's difficult. I did on my week in review the last few weeks, a series I called like my failures as a Jew and part of it, it was my failure to adapt into the orthodox community and then my failure to, uh, integrate my Judaism into larger Judaism specifically related to like Zionism and the war where, uh, um, you know, where this came out. I'm not sure if you saw my big appearance with Keith Woods this week. And I was on Mario Nuffill and, uh, Stephen James just hit a thousand subscribers. And I was showing him this book, um, Schindler's Gift, how one man harnessed ADHD to change the world. And, uh, it's photographed by the author who was a teacher at my, um, your Frankfurt school, Freudian, um, high school for the gifted and, uh, a lot of kids at ADHD there, he went on to become like a world expert on ADHD and, uh, life coach and his theory is ADHD could give you special powers that other people don't have, although it does have its problems. And he historically rediagnosed Oskar Schindler and claimed that Oskar Schindler had ADHD from, uh, his diet, you know, uh, reading his biography and looking into it. And, uh, that was part of what was capable for Schindler to do what he did was in fact his ADHD and, uh, you know, it could be, uh, you know, a powerful tool of harnessed, uh, correctly, uh, but also obviously dangerous and, uh, led to many of the problems that Schindler had in his life. And maybe you also where you've had, uh, many successes in your life, a thrill seeker, um, ups and downs. Like you were mentioning your inability to take care of some basic things that other people, uh, you know, quick to get bored with not wanting to do things that are interesting. Um, but, uh, at the same time that it's allowed you to accomplish things that many other people haven't accomplished in, you know, he puts, uh, you know, Schindler related to his ADHD as the thrill seeker. And I don't know if, uh, you would classify yourself as that blue forward, the thrill seeker. Yeah, I think I, I am. I, I do seek, seek thrills. Yeah, I think that's part of what draws me to, uh, live streaming. That's, that's interesting. Have, have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD? No, I saw a psychiatrist in high school and I wasn't diagnosed with anything. Um, and I don't think I have any technical disorders. You know, like I sometimes will play that I've psych, you know, severe psychological problems, but I don't technically have any, uh, disorders. I saw a psychologist a few times, twice, uh, in my youth for one time when I was like 10 years old, even for like a period of like six months, uh, I saw a psychologist weekly and then also in high school. Um, but, uh, I study psychology. I'd like psychology. I think I function differently. Um, you may be just like an INTP or, uh, high Q, uh, I mean, I could self-diagnose my way in a bunch of ways, but I don't think I would actually, uh, give myself an actual disorder in, uh, but, but I could see that you, you might be more likely to have an actual disorder if you want to say ADHD. And, uh, that might be explanatory to your successes and failures in life. Yeah. Do you have any particular attitude towards, uh, psych psychiatric medication? Um, I mean, God forbid I, I did marijuana for years. Um, I would say it's almost always second best. If you don't need it, you're better off without it. But, uh, if you need it, you should do it. That, uh, especially like ADHD. So I think they had, uh, when I was young, they gave people like lithium and, and that was like a severe downer. So there's like Ritalin, um, which I guess is upper, but then there's also like, uh, lithium, which was a downer. And, uh, like if you can't, especially when you were younger kids who can't control their behavior, uh, might have outburst in school or even the violent where they need to be given a downer as opposed to Ritalin, which, uh, if it's successful, um, maybe, uh, but, uh, yeah, I think if you just understand your difficulties, maybe have a close cohort of people who care about you, give you good advice, understand, uh, your situation in life and your, uh, good and bad points that could help you out with your difficulties. You know, okay, you're an older man now. So I mean, if your parents, uh, you don't have like a close family, but, uh, you know, my mom constantly nags me. So maybe in the Orthodox Jewish community, uh, you could give an equivalent to, to like naggers that, uh, like people in the Orthodox community are constantly like nagging you. And that could be a good thing to, uh, you help you with your shortcomings, which would, uh, might be failure to do, uh, basic things that are necessary for your success in life that you just feel are unimportant or unexciting. Uh, but if you had someone in your life constantly nagging you that, uh, you might be able to do that. And then, uh, you'll accomplish quite a bit even in some ways more than your average person. And what sort of things, I don't want you to damage yourself and damage your relationship with your mother, but what, what sort of things does your mother nag you about that you'd feel comfortable sharing publicly? Oh, I mean, she nags me about everything really, like, I mean, I still see my mom almost daily, but, uh, you know, just, uh, my cleanliness, my, uh, you know, getting a haircut, uh, my clothes, you're like, uh, regular maintenance and health, uh, checkups, uh, paying my taxes, uh, um, you, you basically just all normal motherly things like my diet, my health, um, my personal relationships. And, you know, when we lived together when I was young, you know, it would have been, uh, you know, like daily chores or, uh, regular cleanliness, um, uh, inappropriate behavior. Yeah. Yeah. I think those are familiar to most people who have a mother that's, uh, in their life on a regular basis. Uh, does she say anything about your live streaming? No, she doesn't really follow it or like, uh, you know, watch any of the content and it would be too difficult to, like, uh, I was interviewed on this like Swedish channel the other day and I mentioned it to my mom. She thought that was neat. Although it turned out they were like these huge, like anti-vaccine COVID conspiracy theorists. They're just, uh, we talked about a few other things, but you know, just kind of random this, uh, they reached out and wanted to talk. So I mentioned that to my mother, but usually I don't mention it, uh, you know, cause she just is not familiar with the technology. Um, my mother's also like a lawyer. You know, she worked for the IRS even briefly. So like on a business level, I heard, um, you mentioned to Elliot about your, your financial difficulties where, uh, you know, like, uh, maybe relate to your automobile or something where it just, my mother is like super responsible and, uh, you know, she pays the bills right away. She always has like a calendar with, uh, all the things that, uh, you know, coming up that need to be taken care of. So if it was something like you're renewing your auto insurance, uh, getting your oil changes or any of these things that would just be, uh, you know, something that you don't want to do, uh, that you keep on putting off as opposed to being, um, preemptively responsible and, uh, that in the long run could cause you financial damage, uh, that, uh, you're like, uh, from a business level. So my mother is a corporate attorney, um, like on a nagging level of the type things that might have, uh, made you more successful as a business person, like, you know, did you file this paperwork or did you organize your business tax structures or in a certain way that, uh, would have made you more profitable, so on and so on. And, uh, so thousands upon thousands of people watched your live stream with, uh, Keith, Keith Woods. Keith Woods is a notorious figure on the, uh, distant right. He seems to have views that are perhaps best, uh, summed up as national socialists. Uh, any highlights from your discussion with Keith Woods? Um, so two things. One was, you know, he put an interview with the rabbi and like we talked about it beforehand. I told him to get pushed back from it and even joked on the stream like, you know, he put like interview with a half Jew cousin from Detroit. It wouldn't have been as exciting. Um, he seemed relatively reasonable. I mean, I mean, because it isn't true. We were talking about frame games and that woman, uh, Kristen Ruby, who, uh, claimed that frame games was behind the band, the ADL, uh, movement, um, which, uh, he was not sure or not of whether that's accurate. Uh, but so on Monday, I was on Mario Nuffel, who I'm not sure if you've seen Mario Nuffel yet. I'm not sure either. He's the biggest Twitter space guy in Twitter. He's actually Australian. I think it means Arab of some background, but grew up in Australia, went to Monash University, now lives in Dubai. And, uh, a businessman, I think he's actually a multi-millionaire many times over. And, uh, you know, entrepreneurship, he has spaces on like Bitcoin and cryptocurrency and just all sorts of news topics. Elon Musk has been a guest on his channel. He's one of the bigger guys, like the new wave of Twitter, since Elon Musk took it over. Elon Musk retweets him all the time. And, uh, he has, uh, he did a series of streams on the band, the ADL movement, largely like in defense of Elon Musk. And, uh, but I say he's not American, like he's Australian, uh, UAW, uh, in his, in his, is an international space. And then when the war broke out in Israel, he's been having regular podcasts. So I reached out, like to be a guest on his channel about the band, the ADL movement. And the first stream I was going to, they didn't end up putting me on, like their stream got cut short and they had so many guests that they didn't put me on. So he reached out just, uh, Sunday, is like, okay, we're doing another space, uh, on media matters and the ADL and invited me on. So I was on, I spoke just a few minutes about, um, somewhat defending the ADL or Jews, saying that, uh, free speech is dangerous for Jews. Not necessarily my personal opinion, I even mentioned that, that I favor free speech, but the Jews in general, um, you know, as a minority, protected minority, and then like Keith Woods pushed back on that. And then he did a post stream on his channel and he had clipped that. And so, uh, he reached out to talk. So the next day we talked and, uh, we discussed what we're going to talk about. So he said he wanted to just ask me basic questions on Judaism. So I said, if that's the case, he could do it like, uh, like ask the rabbi. So, uh, most of it was kind of just like a basic ask the rabbi, like, uh, tell me the text, what did Jews believe, uh, a messianic thing versus law, uh, sectarianism. He wanted to understand anti-Zionism and the breakdown of like, curatum, ultra orthodox Jews. How many of them are there? Where are they? What are their political beliefs? And, you know, then later on, he brought in Mario Noffel's, uh, Jewish co-host for his streams on the war in Israel and ADL. And like that guy just came on straight and like bashed me. He was like, this guy is not a rabbi. And, uh, and, uh, you know, so that was kind of like as expected, because I even told Keith at the beginning, like, uh, you know, like out of respect, if I'm teaching you about Judaism, you could call me rabbi, although I told him I'm not a rabbi, but rabbi means different things to different people. And, uh, that, uh, I call hundreds of people rabbi. You mean, I call liberal female rabbis. I call, you know, basically any orthodox Jew that I deal with in a Torah learning setting rabbi. So I said, like, rabbi could be a respectful term just to make the conversation more seriously than I'm answering his questions about Torah in the text. But I got a lot of pushback on that, like, this guy is not a rabbi. And, uh, you know, this Israeli guy came on, even though he's not religious at all, like he took issue with me being called a rabbi, and then Lucas Gage and, uh, no more news we're on. I think it's similar back to, it's really just because of the war. So there's interest in Judaism because of the war, and most of it is from counter-Semites. That, uh, you're like, okay, what's going on with Israel? Why the war? Why do the elites like Israel so much? And, um, so two things. One thing like, like this guy, uh, Ben Yom Inzev, like the Israeli expat who, uh, is Mario's, uh, co-host, you was like, I could get you a better rabbi, like Zionist or anti-Zionist. And I pushed back, like, no way. No rabbi is going to speak to these guys other than me. And I even had, like, no more news. Like, I've been doing this for five years. You are not going to find a rabbi to talk to you. Like, do it as the best you're going to get. And I used to, I think I told you that, or Charles Moskowitz, like, uh, um, I don't think you'd be able to get a rabbi to come on these streams, especially in, like, a hostile environment to talk to a counter-Semite. It's just not what rabbis do. And, uh, um, But on Keith Wood's stream, you, you were treated respectfully. Yeah. And the comments were actually all relatively positive, like, you know, just like a cultural exchange, you know, like, uh, commending me for my honesty, I guess. And he pressed me on a lot of issues about, like, the Messianic beliefs in a breakdown, like, of my perception about how many people believe these various things, uh, statements in the Talmud. And I did my best largely to defend the Jewish people and defend some of these beliefs, like, well, yeah, like, we think we're going to be rewarded, uh, but, uh, not necessarily in a way, like, uh, you know, we think we're going to be, like, held over the, the nations and the world, and you're all going to be our slaves, but just think we're going to be rewarded, uh, for, for doing this. And, uh, some notion of what it means to be the chosen people, some questions about the statements in the Talmud, and, uh, the nature of the Talmud in relationship to how Jewish law is practiced, and we follow the sages of the generation. So we don't actually follow the Talmud. The Talmud is just, uh, the recording of the sages of that period of time. And, uh, he was also very curious about, uh, Haredi anti-Zionism. So I know a lot about that, and I broke down why Haredim, uh, what it means for Haredim to be anti-Israel, and then also the political, like, how many anti-Zionists are there, what's the difference? Like, the small sect of Natori Karta that actually do protest, versus, uh, you know, people who are just politically anti-Zionist, and then even, uh, the anti-Zionists, like in Israel, that even, uh, like, United Torah Judaism, that even serve in the government, but their official theological stance is anti-Zionist. And then, you know, having the Israeli come on and, uh, kind of randomly attack me, uh, somewhat proved my point, that, uh, you know, it's like, well, this is just how we are. You're like two Jews, ten opinions, and Jewish sectarianism, that, uh, most Jews aren't religious. So I, you know, I told them that, you know, Judaism, is Judaism what Jews do? Or is Judaism what the religion teaches, what the rabbis say, what the sage is? And, you know, broke down how many Jews actually value the sages, follow what the sages teach, versus what Jews do. So we didn't even really talk much about multiculturalism and immigration. It was more, uh, theology and, uh, general questions about curatum. Now, you're not a Zionist. Would you, I believe, would you regard yourself as hostile to Zionism? I'm not politically active. So I just say my, my, uh, belief system in Judaism, I'd be neutral to anti-Zionist. Although I'm not involved in anti-Zionist activities, just if you ask me, I would say the creation of Israel was probably a mistake. I supported one state solution, um, giving immediate full citizenship. And also I think the main cause of the war right now, I'm obviously up the violence of Hamas and other factors, but, uh, that, uh, it's zero sum. And the main cause of the conflict is, in fact, Zionism. And we're reaching a brink point where basically Israel has to give up on Zionism or, uh, commit to a full effinite cleansing, because, uh, you can't really have both. And then I would say, religiously, like, I don't need a Jewish ethno-state. I don't see that as part of my Judaism. Um, and, you know, learn from my rabbis that, uh, the, the state of Israel is heretical. And then the difficulty to Jews in relationship to anti-Semitism, where you have a state actor. So, you know, we're worrying about rising anti-Semitism and like the alt-right and things like, okay, the Jews support multiculturalism and immigration. And certainly that's going to cause some pushback in anti-Semitism, the group conflict, uh, but like nothing is going to cause group conflict anti-Semitism, then the Jews collectively killing tens of thousands of people, uh, you know, in terms like the escalation. And if the Jews escalate the war to where, uh, you know, if the, if Israel doesn't back off, where in all likelihood, we will end up killing, uh, 50 to 100,000 people. And, uh, you're saying like, yeah, that would likely, dramatically escalate anti-Semitism. And, um, what I was talking with Stephen James, that, uh, I think what's likely to happen is you're going to see a Gazan refugee crisis, and the Gazans are going to end up in the United States. Uh, you know, I was even arguing with my dad and brother over Thanksgiving who don't really follow it, but they, they kind of had this view that, yeah, like the Gazans are going to end up in some other Arab nations. Like, no, it's not going to happen. Like God forbid they're going to end up here. We've created this huge refugee crisis and, uh, Egypt, other Arab nations, there's almost zero chance they're going to take them. And like Kevin Michael Gray says, anytime the United States gets involved in these foreign wars, those people end up here. So I think that's what you're going to start seeing over the next few months is, uh, you know, the slow influx of Gazan refugees. And if the war continues, it could even be a massive influx of hundreds of thousands of Gazans through the United States. Is there any update in the Samantha Wall case? She is the synagogue president and a political activist who was found, found there to want to get new going on in that case. Nothing. I mean, they, they had arrested somebody who they said like was at her funeral, was a part of the synagogue. And then they released him without telling who he was or whether he was the suspect in the murder. Most people are leaning towards a domestic dispute. I don't know enough about her to say who she might have been dating or, or, but I think God forbid it's like it's, it's likely that I stopped going to the synagogue before COVID-19 and there's a lot of new people going there. There's some speculation that it might have been someone on the board of the synagogue or someone that the majority of the people of the synagogue know. The majority of the people of the synagogue know. So, and that likely the police highly think that it's a certain person but just don't have any evidence what evidence the police have. Like if they have evidence like she left the wedding with somebody or maybe she was there was somebody staying at her, at her apartment. But there's not actually evidence to like a weapon or to pin a, pin an arrest. And so it may not be solved. I mean, from the general public perspective, he's like, yeah, like maybe anti-Semitism, but from the police investigative expert, they said like, no, it was like her, it was her boyfriend. And you know, ironically, I can't even find out who her boyfriend is. Like I'm sure people at the synagogue know and are speculating that that it's probably a person who did it. But I don't know her well enough for the synagogue. And they're keeping that pretty close lip to say if there's a suspect that they're saying like, yeah, it was probably this guy that we all know and go to synagogue with God forbid. Wow. And does the Detroit police department have a good reputation for solving these types of crimes for overall competence? No, I mean like 75% of murders in Detroit go unsolved. So in all likelihood, it would not go unsolved. And they put out reward, even there's like a $15,000 crime stopper reward. And so some comments are like, well, how come the Jewish community is not putting out like $100,000, half a million dollar reward? She comes from a wealthy family or parents or doctors. Her grandfather, like they had like a family foundation where like her family foundation was one of the bigger donors to the synagogue. So how come there's only a $15,000 reward? So people are speculating that it's someone in the Jewish community that other people know that is the prime suspect. And that's not why they're not, you know, putting out like a huge reward to find information as if it was like just suspected that it was a random crime or anti-Semitism. Although it's also possible like she was pretty liberal and thinking like, what would she want to do? You know, she supported Black Lives Matter and these and although she was pro-Israel, but if she did interfaith, you know, what would she want to do? Would she be so concerned with finding the perpetrator and having them punished? But yeah, so most of the speculation is it someone within the Jewish community that killed her? And therefore it's unclear what the Jewish community wants to do with it because it would probably be a disaster for the Jewish community for it to come out like that. But I don't know any more than that. It's basically no information. There's no information within the Jewish community. Like you're like saying like who she might have, who like even the person who was arrested. So it's clearly someone from the synagogue who was arrested. But there's been no release of the name. There's been no leak in the Jewish community of who this person was. Although presumably people tight with her in the synagogue all know who the person who was arrested and released was. Now, I see you started doing live streams with Jen once again. So when did you restart this? It was just a one-time thing. And it was because I started streaming with this guy in Japan, Kevin McCarron, who's like an Anglo expat counter-Semite. Although ironically, he went to university, Bar-Lan University, PhD in neuroscience, and now he's in Japan. And when the war started, kind of like Keith Woods, he wanted a Jew to talk to related to ask basic questions on Judaism, Jewish belief, eschatology, and the war in Israel. And we started streaming. And it turned out that he has a PhD in neuroscience, but he was also semi-friendly to reincarnation, transmigration of souls. So I convinced Jennifer to do a stream together. So I mean, she's still around. Like we canceled Week in Review because she just didn't have Sunday night available, which is Monday morning for her. But she's still around. So I reached out to her and asked her if she wanted to do a separate stream, just on her favorite topic of reincarnation. So she said yes. So you've done two live streams about your failures as a Jew. Which one was the most painful or challenging or difficult to talk about? Well, I don't think any of them were painful because I was kind of pretty familiar with it. So actually, I did three. I called the last one Jewish anti-Zionism because I gave my history of going to Israel and becoming familiar with the Orthodox anti-Zionism and how my rabbis were anti-Zionist. And how like as a Balchuva from Detroit, half Jew from Detroit, I was shocked at the vitriol that Orthodox Jews had towards the state of Israel. And then it took me a long time to understand. But yeah, with the war, I saw a few things. Like one thing, just seeing my rabbi son at Jerusalem Pizza, I failed to integrate into Orthodox culture. And I think that's somewhat all or nothing. Orthodox culture is like all or nothing. So it's very difficult to be half-half. And so it's not surprising I failed in that manner. And then my failure in the larger Jewish community where one thing, because I had anti-Zionist leanings, that that's extremely unpopular among organized Jews, liberal Jews, or most of them don't even believe me. And I tell them like, well, no, my rabbis are anti-Zion, the freedom were anti-Zionist. This is what the rabbis taught me, that your average organized Jew, secular Jew, they're not even going to believe you, that that's what my rabbis taught me. And then also, I couldn't really find a place in the Jewish world because secular Jews don't really value what Orthodox Jews value, which is mainly prayers, Minion, and Torah learning. And so the Jewish community kind of organized around me. Steven James says, I don't want to be a resentful person to say that I think I deserve to be a leader of the Jews. But the Jewish people are even secular, liberal Jews are hierarchical people. We're not egalitarian people. So even like the Reconstructionist, the Feminist, the Liberal, the Federations, they're all hierarchical. And they raised up leaders around me. They're all very skeptical of me. So I really had a complete failure as I feel successful as a Jew. Like I think I understand Judaism well. I do the practices, the prayers, the ritual. But yeah, like they raised up leadership around me that was all skeptical of me and that doesn't really even like me around. And then let alone my failure to find a wife and get married. And so like, well, Sam Wolfe, she was a feminist. Even if I could have asked her out and she would have said, yes, how would that have worked out? Like she was a feminist. She wasn't friendly to Orthodoxy. And like her Judaism was completely intertwined with like Black Lives Matters and Democratic politics and pro-immigration organizing and even the downtown synagogue. So it's not just like, okay, it's a liberal synagogue. You could just come to the synagogue and do your thing. It's like, no, there's a hierarchical order. There's people in charge and they're very intent. Like this is what we're doing. And if you're not on board with our leadership, we don't want you here. And I don't know if you agree that they say like Judaism across the board is very hierarchical. They raise up leadership and not just Orthodox Judaism, but also liberal Judaism. It's basically all or nothing. Yeah, there's something to that. It's definitely a highly competitive way of life. And it does tend to take over your life. But have you had any second thoughts about trying anew to reintegrate into a synagogue community? No, I think I have to find like, if I found a wife and had children, I would. But at this point, I don't think I'm actually going to find a wife through integrating in a synagogue community. So I've more tried to strike it out on my own. You know, so like Michael, who is from a distant area, doesn't know many Jews or like Keith Woods. And even just saying like, okay, like to Keith Woods or unaffiliated Jew, like I'm a rabbi. But if you're affiliated with Judaism, even like Israeli, he was like, this guy's absolutely not a rabbi. He is a fraud. If he's telling you he's a rabbi, he's a fraud and a liar. So like there's that dynamic where like, yeah, I know a lot about Judaism. I love Judaism. I could basically take from scratch and train someone up as a baltruva with my knowledge. But eventually they're going to integrate within a community. And there's going to be a hierarchical structure of accepting their leadership in order to be part of the community. I mean, like Detroit's not big enough LA. I could probably do like your game or like I did in New York where there's just so many Jews and so many around. You could synagogue hop or you could find a conglomeration of Orthodox Jews that aren't happy with any of the rabbis and kind of have like egalitarian gathering. But like the guy Benyom and Zev on the Keith Woods space said, like, well, rabbis, they're ordained. They perform family functions, weddings, bar mitzvah. So he had a bar mitzvah wedding and like he doesn't know anything from Judaism, but he knows like when he got married or you had a bar mitzvah or the funeral, there's a rabbi there and that rabbi is ordained. So like I would assume even in your structure that if you found like a group of people that aren't really happy with the rabbinic hierarchy or status in Hollywood or Los Angeles, that still they have families and they have to have the rabbis officiate over that. And then they have children. They need their children to be accepted. Maybe there's enough schools. You could bounce them around schools or competition. But so, yeah, I figure I'm better bouncing out on my own. And I have some success of that like relatively. I like being a Jew where there's no other like competition from Jewish organizations around where there's no affiliated Judaism to be in competition with and not necessarily like competition. But just to say like, well, you're a Jew. That means these guys are your part of this organization or you're following this authority structure to just spend like, I'm just a Jew. This is what I believe. This is what I practice. You want to talk about it. I love talking about this stuff versus like defending the actions in Israel or defending the power structures that be. Yeah. And I'll call that my failure. My failure as a Jew to integrate with the community because I think I succeeded as a Jew in like the learning, knowing how to be an Orthodox Jew, studying the text, practicing it. But I failed in integration with the community. So my theory is that we all tend to prefer to do things that we're good at. And so my theory with regard to what you're talking about is that you found that you were more comfortable and better at live streaming about Judaism than practicing Judaism in a real life concrete community. No, I think I was pretty good at practicing Judaism in a live community. You're saying like, OK, at the downtown synagogue, like I was instrumental in creating a Torah learning program, creating Minion. And I got forced out by democratic processes that just weren't interested in that. And then in the Orthodox community, I was relatively like integrated. Like I was a respectful Balchuva. I did what rabbis told me. People were very impressed that I took things seriously. I knew how to learn. I knew how to Da'van. I can almost, I'm not greatly, but I could even, you know, Da'van for the Omid lead Torah service, read from the Torah. I served as assistant rabbi to, you know, many rabbis found a function. It was my inability to go all or nothing and, you know, fully in because of my family situation and my inability to get married. So like as I got older and living a dual life when I decided to go back to university, but I think I was actually relatively quite successful in becoming an Orthodox Jew. It was too difficult to play both sides. And, you know, at the end, if it was either Orthodoxy or my greater life with my, you know, family or the secular world, I was kind of forced out into choosing the secular world and my inability to get married. And as I got older, just, you know, the assumption is that something's wrong with me because I didn't get married. Right. But is it just my accurate? Is it purely coincidence that when you took up, shortly after you took up live streaming that you increasingly dropped out of in-person real life synagogue community and you developed an online community? Is it just a coincidence that these two things developed simultaneously? I think it was COVID-19. I mean, like I started, like I went to synagogue all the holidays. I still occasionally went to events in the Orthodox community. It was COVID-19 where I completely dropped out of the community. And then, like I never reintegrated since COVID-19. But, yeah, I mean, certainly the streaming, talking with you, you're getting feedback from different sources, dealing with some counter-Semites and understanding different things about America made me realize better I was never going to integrate into the Black Hat Orthodox community. And maybe led me less so. But no, I was still going to the downtown synagogue every Friday night. I was still going to Jewish events right up until COVID-19. Now, I think there are probably millions of Americans who have dramatically reduced their participation in real life religious services since COVID. Is that your impression too? Yeah, and I mean, COVID-19 was the biggest where I saw like, I wasn't really part of anything. Me saying like, I just went to synagogue or went to events. I had a few friendly people. But when COVID-19 hit and people reorganized their life, you know, they formed like the pods or the little groups, you know, it hit that I just wasn't really part of it. That was just kind of a guy who like showed up on the periphery that maybe had some friends or some reputation in the community, but I wasn't an integral part of the community. And so I think it was COVID-19 that hit me like that and then made, you know, reassess my life, midlife crisis and tried to return to academic research instead of like trying to spend the rest of my days failing to integrate into orthodox Judaism or even to liberal Judaism that would take a different approach for the second half of my life that would be more academic. And you're definitely streaming because I don't think there's any IRL venue. I don't think it'll ever happen that there'll be an IRL venue where, you know, people will invite me to have like a conversation or, I mean, remotely possible that I'll be put in front of a crowd to speak to. But I think that's pretty unlikely. So, you know, streaming is probably replaced. It didn't really replace because I didn't have that venue in my life. Like I was talking with Stephen James like that the other day. I mean, like what you said, like you got 32 people watching, like maybe at a chess club, like there is no circumstance ever where like I talk and multiple people listen or hanging over my words. Occasionally at the chess club, maybe like they'll be, you know, especially now I'm coaching, there's youth. There'll be like a handful of kids listening or a small group of people hovering around related to chess. But that's never happened. I don't think it's ever going to happen. But streaming creates a venue for that. And you'll see like, okay, like I felt part of orthodox Judaism, seeing like my Rabbi's son, he was very friendly to me. How can we not come around anymore? Should come around more often. But like, yeah, when I do come around, I'm just like, okay, I go to Minion. I shake a few hands. I speak to a few people. But yeah, I guess COVID-19 made me internalize the isolation and made me also, the streaming, so I could have success. Like if I was, I don't know, depressed or just relegated, I say, okay, like I'm going to be relegated to being kind of this like half Jew, Balchuva that a lot of people don't even like the rest of my life. That streaming led me to see like, oh, I could actually have success and find some sort of function that I hadn't seen possible before. Right. Do you agree is a general principle? People prefer to do things that they're good at. So for some people, that means real life, being part of a real life orthodox community. For other people, it means playing a lot of video games. For other people, it means playing a lot of basketball. For other people, it means hanging out in a sports bar. For other people, it might mean working 80 hours a week coding. But I think we all naturally orient and prefer to do things where we're pretty good. Yeah, self-esteem. Like self-esteem is partly due to expertise and that's somewhat why you said like chess coaching is probably the most successful thing in my life. Because I'm pretty good at chess, I'm pretty successful at it. So I get good responses. The kids that I coach end up performing well and it adds to my self-esteem. Nothing argues like success. So you've got to find out what you're good at. And we talked about that a while ago, maybe even over a year ago, where you could do things for the orthodox community but a lot of times you're relegated to just simple service, cleaning, driving. And what function could I actually do that's useful for the community or it's going to be an under-utilization of my skills? Or if it's simply just like, okay, we'll take your money. You can donate money. So I found use, even with the Hindus, the Hare Krishnas, like I found like I was a valued part of their community. I did things. A lot of them were new immigrants. A lot of them were engineers. A lot of them like to have esoteric theological discussions in a way that I wasn't valued in the Jewish community. And so it fed my self-esteem even to be, okay, like, what's this weird half Jew keep on coming to the Indian temple for. But at least I had a value as part of the community. Like I went to the temple. I performed services. I volunteered. I helped out in the kitchen. And there were all sorts of people I go in and I could just jump into conversations that I found interesting. Right. So maybe I'll go ahead. Well, I was saying that's somewhat how I felt like in synagogue, definitely in Brooklyn. But I think politics ruined that in Judaism because there's a larger connection between Judaism and politics. And my politics didn't correspond with the mainstream Jewish politics or even like the authority type structure where you have the big players. And it's just kind of like, don't say bad things about these people. Like it's our practice to kiss these people's asses. And if you're not in line with kissing these people's asses, like it's going to affect your relationship in the community. And certainly if you say bad things about the people that the majority of people are kissing their asses, like that's going to cause big problems that wasn't as much of a problem with the Indians. And maybe like relate to your ADHD that was something problematic where just the community has their politics. And if you don't agree, you got to keep your mouth shut or the community has the people who like their heroes. And if you don't think that their heroes, you just got to keep your mouth shut on that. And if you weren't able to do that and it caused repercussions to you. Yeah, yeah, I understand that. So how would you divide up your self-esteem? Like what are the primary sources of your self-esteem? My family, my friends, my business and my research and my positive feedback, you know, like my streaming and what I'm good at, what I feel like my accomplishments. Okay. Okay, I'm going to run off. Great to talk to you, Duvid. Take care, man. Yeah, thanks for having me. God bless. Happy Thanksgiving. Okay, bye-bye.