 J-E-L-L! Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with This Is It! The season opens, marbles, skipping rope, bicycles, baseball, new hats for wives, and seed catalogs for husbands. There's one word for it, spring. And there's one dessert for it, jello. For jello's bright and glowing colors, certainly suit the season. And jello's delicious, extra-rich fruit flavors are refreshing as bright springtime breeze. Serve it any way you like. It's bound to make a hit. A shimmering mold of layered jello, perhaps strawberry, orange, and lime. A frothy bowl full of whipped jello and tempting pastel colors. Twinkling little jello cubes, maybe raspberry and lemon. There are lots of ideas to choose from, and jello makes everyone a success. For that extra-rich fruit flavor, it tastes as delicious as the real ripe fruit. And that's why jello desserts are so satisfying every time. So look for the big red letters on the box. They spell jello, and jello spells a treat. Every Sunday at this time, it is my custom to bring you Jack Benny. Tonight, however, Jack is confined to his house with a slight cold. Slight, I went to see him this morning, and there was a man with a sickle sitting on his bed. Oh, he isn't that bad. Say, how'd Jack get that cold anyway? Well, he got it from Carmichael, his polar bear. Well, it's his own fault. He shouldn't have kissed him. It wasn't that. Jack's been taking care of him, and that's how it happened. Boy, between Jack and that polar bear, Rochester sure got his hands full. He certainly has. Well, anyway, let's get on with the program. Now, folks, in as much as Jack is unable to be here tonight, Phil, Kenny, and I are going to try to bring our own little show with me. Jeepers, creepers, I ain't close my papers. Jeepers, creepers, I ain't shut my eyes. Rochester. God show, get up. I can't hold my head up. Rochester, quiet. I feel bad enough without that central avenue serenade. Hand me that cough medicine, will you? Here you are. Beating that polar bear in the other. Well, what's funny about it? Hey, if there was a wireless on the sofa, you'd look like Alice in Wonderland. Oh, don't be so fantastic. Quiet, Carmichael. Daddy's right here with you. Quiet now. I can't understand why you didn't put that bear in the other room. Well, because you wouldn't take care of him, that's why. I asked you to do me a little favor and you refused. A little favor? You wanted me to open his mouth and swab out his throat. Well? Man, that's. Well, look, Rochester, what are you afraid of? He won't bite your hand. He won't. Of course not. He's tame, isn't he? Well, I'm tame too, but I get hungry. Rochester, you ought to be ashamed of yourself being afraid of Carmichael. You've got a yellow streak clear down your back. Not anymore. He's scratched it off. No, he did, eh? Boss, one of these days I'm going to give that bear a goldfish with a Mickey pin in it. You'll do nothing of the kind, so don't be so smart. Because don't hide Carmichael. Where's that nurse I hired, Rochester? She's never around. I saw her down in the kitchen playing Phantan with the cook. He is. My goodness, she shouldn't play cards with swing high. He's very lucky. Now, for three weeks straight, he's won his salary from me. What a gambler. Well, he might be all right at cards, but he don't know how to handle them Mississippi models. Oh, shooting dice, eh? Rochester, have you been taking swing high's money away from him again? Well, that ain't fried rice I've been toting to the bank. Now, I want you to stop with that dice shooting immediately. You're wearing out all your uniforms at the knees. Now go in the kitchen and get the nurse. Here she is, boss. Oh, yes. It's time for your hot toddy, Mr. Carmichael. My name isn't Carmichael. I told you 1,000 times, Carmichael is that bear in the other bed. Oh, that's right. Do you mind if I put a necks on your forehead? No, go right ahead. I want you to be happy here. Now look, Miss, uh, Miss, uh. The tush. Oh, Miss Latush, I wish you'd take my temperature. I think I'm getting a fever. OK, as soon as I give the bear his hot toddy. Now come on, Carmichael, open your mouth. Better be careful, nurse. Ma'am, look at those teeth. Carmichael, drink this hot toddy. Certainly are a brave girl. How old are you, Miss Latush? Just 20. 20, eh? You better leave that bear alone so you can vote next year. He's right, Miss Latush. You better watch yourself. Oh, he's just bluffing. Now Carmichael, for the last time. Well, he sure went for that. Was it good, Carmichael? Now don't show off. It wasn't that strong. I think I'll go down. I think I'll go down and have one myself. See you later. Now, Rochester, see how easy it was to handle Carmichael. Weren't you ashamed to let a woman show you up like that? I sure was, boss. You're not afraid of the bear now, are you? Now, tomorrow, and when old Rockin' Chin gets me. Well, you're just big sissy. You're worse than Fred Allen. There he goes again. Every time I mention that fella's name, Carmichael has a fit. Yeah, why is that? Well, you see, Allen is part Eskimo and they're natural born enemies. Now look, Rochester, you better call a doctor and tell him to come over here right away. I keep getting chills all the time. And answer the door. OK, boss. Well, what do you say, Carmichael? How about another game of checkers? You're one up on me, you know. Well, if you don't like it, we'll play later. And don't eat all the bananas they were sent to us jointly. Come on now, Carmichael, give Daddy a banana. Come on now. Give me one, I say. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack, what's the matter? Oh, Carmichael's got all the bananas and he won't give me one. Carmichael, give me one of those. Ouch. Well, you got it. Yes, he would have to hit me with the ripest one. Oh, well, he was just playing. How do you feel, Jack, any better? Oh, I feel awful, Mary. I ache all over. One second I'm hot, and the next second I'm cold. Then I turn hot, then I turn cold. Oh, stop. You sound like a shower bath in a cheap hotel. Well, there's nothing to kid about. And those pills you left here yesterday. What pills? Those pink ones you left on the dresser. I took all six of them. They didn't do me a bit of good. What are you laughing at? Those were buttons for my new dress. Buttons? Why, you had them in a while. And the label said aspirin. That's my dressmaker, Madam Aspirin. Oh, you just planned the whole thing. I know you. Gesundheit, Carmichael. Gee, he's... That bear is so sick. That reminds me, Jack, I don't think Rochester likes the polar bear very much. Oh, he talks a lot. But in his heart, he's very fond of that animal. Oh, yeah? Well, I was in the library a few minutes ago. And you know that space in the wall between the moose's head and the stuffed owl? Yes. Well, Rochester's got a big sign there. Reserve for Carmichael. Oh, then I better keep an eye on them. See, Mary, I was just thinking, I bet they're having a tough time without me on the program today. Oh, don't be so egotistical. They're probably doing all right. They are. I can just see Phil Harris trying to run the whole show with that Hollywood and Vine chatter he has. I'll turn on the radio and we'll listen to it. Okay, hand me the earphones. Mary, I haven't got that set anymore. I got a new one. Turn that switch there, KFI. Orange, lemon and lime. So look for the big red letters on the box. Oh, Donut, we missed Don's commercial. I'll gladly repeat it. Ladies and gentlemen, the next time you visit your neighborhood grocer, be sure to ask him for a package of jello. Hmm. It comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. So look for the big red letters on the box. Had a boy, Don, that was a goodie. Right in the groove. Yeah, man. Hmm, listen to Phil. And now, boys and girls, you're gonna hear a little diddy from our little old tenor who's got plenty on the ball. The eight ball, folks. Oh, brother, is he corny? Quiet, I want to listen. Well, what's your song gonna be, Kenny? I'm going to sing a beautiful number entitled A Little Bit of Heaven. That's swell, Kenny. Rip into it. Swing it, boys, and don't spare the drums. Yeah, man. Yeah, man, yeah, man, yeah, man. He makes me sick. You ever heard the story of how Ireland got its name? I'll tell you so you'll understand. Sure, it looks so sweet and bad. Like Kenny Baker and very good, Kenny. Boy, you really laid them in the aisles. Thanks, Phil. And I dedicate that number to our pal, Jack Benny, who was sick in bed with a cold. Oh, isn't he a sweet boy, Mary? Well, he didn't even send you flowers. That's right, the little brat. Say, Phil, did you tune in last Wednesday night and listen to Fred Allen? Yes, I did, Kenny. Oh, boy, I thought I'd die when Allen said that. Darn it, I wanted to hear that. Who turned off the radio? Carmichael. Oh, yes. He just hates Allen. Say, Mary, did you hear him last Wednesday night? I sure did. And he certainly exposed you, you big faker. Faker, what are you talking about? Well, Allen had the real Jack Benny on his program and they proved you were an imposter. Imposter? Yes, you can't get away with it forever, Maxwell Stroud. Maxwell Stroud? Let me get this straight. Did he say that my right name was Maxwell Stroud and the fellow on the program was the real Jack Benny? Absolutely. He said that when you were both babies, they got you mixed up in the hospital. Well, now that's just a big lie because I wasn't born in a hospital. I was born in a taxi cab. And I better say it was a yellow one or Allen will say it next Wednesday and get a big laugh. I'm not telling people that I'm Maxwell Stroud. Well, aren't you? No. Then why they got the initials MS on all your belt buckles? Listen, Mary, that MS stands for movie star. Which I am. Just a little publicity that I wear around my waist. And you know what else, Jack? What? Allen said you were so cheap you put your finger down a moth's throat to get your cloth back. Oh, he said that, eh? Well, he's a fine one to talk. Any man that'll open a can of sardines, eat the fish, use the can for a cigarette case, and then have the key made into a button hook, well, but he's had a cake of bath soap for 12 years and you can still read ivory on it. Anyway, when I get back on the air next week, I'm gonna settle that Maxwell Stroud stuff. Oh, nurse, nurse. I'm coming. Will you please bring me a glass of water? My throat's awfully dry. Okay. Oh, by the way, Mary, this is my nurse, Miss Latush. Well, many of them. Oh, do you two know each other? Sure. Gee, many, I haven't seen you since we used to go dancing at the Palomar together. Yeah, them were the days. Say, Mary, do you remember Joe Finkelhoff and Pete McGuire? Oh, yes. Are you still going around with Pete? Yeah, but I'm married to Joe. Now, that's very interesting, nurse. Now, how about my glass of water? Right away. Say, Mary, what are you doing these days? Are you still with the maid? Oh, is he the Jack Benny or Maxwell Stroud? Mary. Hey, nurse, what about my glass of water? Say, Minnie, remember the time we went to the masquerade and we dressed up like hula dancers? Someone dropped a piece of ice on my back and I won first. Listen, nurse, I'm going to get a glass of water if I have to tap my knee. Jack Mary. Well, I have to go through for a little glass of water. I'm so thirsty I could drink a gallon. Carmichael, I said gallon, not allen. Don't be so touchy. Gee, he hates allen. Say, boss. Yes, Rochester. Here's some flowers just came for you. Three beautiful roses. Only three flowers. Who are they from? The card says we the people. Oh, my public. Incidentally, Rochester, while I've been in bed here with nothing to do, I've gone over our monthly accounts and there are a few items I don't understand. Is that so? Yes. I'd like to know where all that money's been going to. I'll be back in a minute, boss. There's somebody at the door. There's nobody at the door. Now, come here. Excuse us a minute, Mary. Go right ahead. Don't mind me. Now look, Rochester, I don't know the system you've been using, but our food bill is something fierce. It is kind of high. High. Now look here, last month alone, caviar, $95. I don't remember eating any caviar. I got that for myself. Oh, you did. Now look, Rochester, I like caviar too, but I can do without it. I know, boss, but with me it's a magnificent obsession. I don't care if it's from the picture of the same name. You've got to cut it out. And all this scribbling and abbreviations. Now look at this. P-C-T-T-H-O-M-D-O, $25. What in the world is that? You won't like that one. Never mind whether I like it or not. What does P-C-T-T-H-O-M-D-O stand for? Pork chops to take home on my D-O. Awful. Now, Rochester, from now on I want you to stop carrying food home. Can I mail it? No. I'll take charge of the books after this. I'll call the doctor again and tell him to hurry over. I don't feel so good. Okay, boss. I'm sure going to miss that caviar. Caviar yet. What a guy. Why don't you fire him, Jack? I can't. He's got some letters I wrote to Garbo, and he won't give them back. Say, Mary, tune in on our program and see how the jolly boys from Encino are doing. Okay. All right, Phil, I give up. Why is a kiss over the telephone like a straw hat? Because it's not felt. Our poor audience. Oh, I wonder how Phil got that big laugh. He probably hit Kenny in the face of a pie. Wouldn't be a bit surprised. And now, folks, the boys in the band and myself are going to entertain you with a little swing number. Yeah. A little song entitled, Mother Feeds the Baby Garlic So She Can Find Him in the Dark. How's that one, folks? Are you listening? Yes, you big fool. That is positively cruel. Oh, nurse! Nurse, where's my water? Oh, yes. Do you want ice in it? I don't care if the Queen marries in a get-me-a-glass of water. Feed the baby garlic. Wait till I see him next week. Strang conducted by his Majesty of Rhythm, Phil Harris. Call me Madge, yeah. Well, he's off again. I wonder who writes Phil's stuff anyway. Oh, some waiter at the Wilshire Bowl. That's quite possible. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction tonight, the Harris High Class Art Players will present an original Western melodrama entitled Buck Harris Rides Again. Original? Did you hear that, Mary? Buck Harris Rides Again? Why, he stole that from me. Oh, I bet he never even thought of Buck, Benny. What good gravy girl! Now, before we go into this play, folks, I'd like to announce that any resemblance to persons living dead or laid up with a cold is purely coincidental. Coincidental, my eye. Oh, shut up. Now, in this little Western drama, I will play the part of Buck Harris, the hero. Some hero. And as we are short of girls tonight, Kenny Faker will be my sweetheart, Daisy Carson. Gee, my course is killing me. Imagine Kenny playing a girl's part. Now, as the scene opens, we find Sheriff Buck Harris on the trail of Cactus Face Elmer. Turn the radio off. Turn it off. I can't stand it anymore. Oh, all right. If I had my strength, I'd go down to the studio and put an end to this outrage. Say, boys, the doctor's here. You want to see him? No, Rochester, I'm lying here in bed because I can't find my pants. You're pressing them under the mattress. Never mind that. Now, show the doctor in. Okay, here he is. Now, how do you do, doctor? Well, well, young man, you need to shave. That's the bear. This is me over here. By the way, Dr. Nelson, I'd like you to meet Miss Livingston. Really? Are you THE Mary Livingston? Yeah, you want to make something out of it? Mary. Well, Doc, now that you're here, I wish you'd look me over. I feel much weaker today. All right, just open your pajama coat. Now take a look at your chest. Okay. There you are, Doc. My, my. You're kind of caved in there. Yeah. Get a load of that chest. It looks like Laurel Canyon. Oh, don't be so funny. Watch your cigarette, Doc. That's my mouth, not an ashtray. Pardon me. Now, let's see it. Oh, so you're not Maxwell's proud, eh? What are you talking about? So you're not Maxwell's proud. No, I'm not. Then what's that M.S. tattooed on your chest? That's Morrison Silver's, my old vaudeville agent. They used to brand their clients. Now, button me up, Doc. I've got a chill. Not yet. I've got to tap your chest first. Say, it's a pretty big mallet you've got there, isn't it? Yes, I play polo after work. Go ahead, Doc. Now hold still. It's a bullet I got in the war. There's a lot more in his back. I've got an awful chill here. All right. Now you stay in bed and keep warm. And if you want me during the night, I'll be under a table at the coconut grove. Oh, wait a minute, Doc. While you're here, I wish you'd examine Carmichael. Oh, yes, the bed. Let's see you tap on his chest. Rochester. I'm a little worried about Carmichael, Doc. All right. Let's take a look at our inflated poodle. Now, open your mouth, Carmichael. Come now. Open your mouth. You see how easy the doctor handles him, Rochester? Yes, sir. My, my. He's got a pretty heavy cold, hasn't he, doctor? Cold nothing. This polar bear is suffering from a bad case of measles. Measles? Why, that's impossible. Oh, yeah? I'll bet you $10 that under his spur there are little red spots. Now that's silly. Spots under his spur. Let's rip it off and find out. Rochester, get out of here. Well, what do you think we ought to do, Doc? Just keep him warm and quiet and I'll drop back in the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye, doctor. Goodbye, Miss Livingston. Goodbye, Quack. Bear hasn't any more measles than I have. Tune in the radio, Mary, and see what Buck Harris is doing. Okay. So, ladies and gentlemen, Sheriff Buck Harris, having finished a hearty lunch that was topped off with a dish of tempting delicious jello, garnished with sliced bananas and whipped cream. Leave it to John. Is now on his way to visit his sweetheart Daisy Carson. This ought to be good. We now pick up Buck Harris riding over the prairie. Imagine Harris on a horse. Yeah, I'll bet it's got a Marcel Maine. Yeah, and a finger wave in the tail. Ooh, partner, ooh, ooh, ooh. Partner, that's my horse. Well, here's Daisy's house now. I'll see if she's in. Hello, Daisy. Hello, tall, dark, and puffy eyes. Well, them ain't exactly teabags. You're peeking over. Did you hear that, Mary? They're doing the same kind of jokes we did. Come on, Daisy, how about a little kiss? No, no, a thousand times, no. Come on, Daisy, why won't you kiss me? My girl will get jealous. Mary, turn that radio off. That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. What's the matter with you, anyway? What's the matter with me? They're ruining my program. That's what they're doing. I'm going right over to NBC Studio and put a stop to this whole thing. You can't go out of the house, Jack. I can too. My cold isn't so bad. It's not there. My face? Here, look at those spots breaking out. What? While you often hear the phrase, pretty is a picture, you don't very often find a dish that lives up to it. But Jell-O really does, with its six rich glowing colors. And tonight we have a new Jell-O dessert for you. One of the prettiest yet. Jell-O banana foam, a new idea. Fruit rich, shimmering, strawberry Jell-O with a swell new kind of meringue topping. It's easy to make and here's how. Dissolve one package of strawberry Jell-O in one pint of hot water and mold in individual sherbet glasses. Then for your topping, take one crushed banana, two teaspoons of sugar, and one stiffly beaten egg white. Blend them together. Fill this rich foamy topping on the strawberry Jell-O just before serving. And believe me, you have a picture. Rich red strawberry Jell-O creamy white banana topping. Mmm, it's grand. Just be sure to use genuine Jell-O for your Jell-O banana foam for Jell-O brings you that delicious extra rich fruit flavor. So get some strawberry Jell-O tomorrow and try this new dessert. This is the last number of the 25th program in the new Jell-O series, and we will be with you again next Sunday at the same time. So be sure and listen in for further adventures of Buck Harris. Oh yeah, we'll see about that. Shut up. Good night. Heard on the program where this is it from Stars in Your Eyes and Honolulu from the film of the same name. This is the National Broadcasting Company.