 A huge part of addiction recovery is recognizing how addict thinking is different than a regular person's thinking and that's exactly what we're talking about in this video so make sure you stay tuned. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and when I am recording this video today it is New Year's Eve of 2017 which is also my beautiful little boy's ninth birthday. Yes he is a New Year's baby it was pretty awesome like when he was born he was the last baby of the year so we got like this cool gift back but anyways that's not what this video is about. This video is about the day my son was born and my addict thinking. Whenever I talk to my clients or anybody who's new in recovery about the crucial first step of recovery which is admitting you have a problem I talk about how it's very important to look back on our past and understand how our thinking is much different than a regular person's and when I talk about this the number one story that always comes to mind is the day that my son was born which was on New Year's Eve so not only is this talking about addict thinking but it's also talking about why addicts don't get sober for their kids. There's this crazy idea especially when people are trying to get clean and sober that oh my kids are going to keep us sober but the reality is is that I didn't get clean until my son was three years old. I always tell my clients if your children could keep you sober you would have been clean a long time ago so really think about that so anyways let's get this addict story time started off and let me lay down the background of this story. So my son was born when I was 23 years old my addiction had progressed to a pretty bad state. I hadn't really dived into pills yet but alcohol was my main substance of choice and I was just barely dabbling into pills but anyways at this age you know I was I was a mess I had been fired from dozens of jobs my drinking was out of control and because of social media and seeing where all my other friends were at high school like in your early 20s you're constantly looking at where your other friends are at in life and my friends were all starting careers or they were just graduating college and their lives were getting rolling and meanwhile I'm sitting here living in a house with like three roommates and my girlfriend and my life's a mess I can't even hold a job I was actually unemployed when we found out that my girlfriend was pregnant and I remember when we found out she was pregnant I remember thinking thank god thank god this kid is going to be born he is going to be the reason why I get clean I'm going to be a great father to him being the child of an alcoholic like I was excited to have this child and be the parent to my son that I never had right so he we found out uh she was pregnant like pretty late in the game to be honest with you but we found out um a few months before he was born and you know I was basically going to get it all out of my system I was going to drink and do just do whatever and party and find myself a job which I did I actually found the highest paying job that I've ever had to date like right after we found out she was pregnant it was it was crazy and I was ready to give it all up once he was going to be born I was going to be an incredible father so my son was originally supposed to be born on December I want to say 27th a few days before New Year's right after Christmas a few days before New Year's and um my girlfriend she wasn't dilating or anything like that showing signs that this baby was coming out anytime soon so right around uh the end of the year her OBGYN said okay you know what after New Year's we're gonna bring you in and we're going to induce labor I think that we're gonna induce labor maybe on January 3rd of 2009 so me and my girlfriend talking and she knows about my drinking and we didn't really understand what addiction was but I was clearly an alcoholic but anyway she's like you know what I know you you want to stop drinking and stuff when the kid's born so how about New Year's Eve that's your last straw and I'm like hell yeah that sounds like an amazing idea so those of you who don't know I live here in Las Vegas so I'm like awesome so when New Year's Eve rolls around I'm gonna get messed up and party hard on New Year's Eve so at this time I was working at a car dealership and we were open that day and usually car dealerships were open for about half the day so I go in and I get there at seven o'clock in the morning and I'm stoked I'm pumped I'm like today's gonna be a great day this is gonna be my last like bam it's almost like a bachelor party you know what I mean so right when I get to work at seven o'clock in the morning my phone rings and I pick it up and I see that it's my girlfriend I'm like okay what's she need this early in the morning I answer the phone and she proceeds to tell me that her water just broke and here is where the addict thinking comes in a normal human being when they find out that their child is about to be born they're like oh awesome my kid's about to be born this is gonna be a beautiful day but me my first thought my first thought I remember it clear as day my first thought was dang this kid is already ruining my life I can't go out and get messed up today if you're a normal person watching this video you probably think that that is literally the worst thing you've ever heard but if you're an addict or an alcoholic in recovery or even an addict or alcoholic who is currently in active addiction you're like okay I can imagine thinking that too right and it's important for me to realize that that's the way my mind was working back then like it's so important for me to look back and say wow normal people do not think like this and I will be doing more videos about looking back at my past and realizing that this isn't normal these things aren't normal and when it was time for me to get sober and I really started looking at my life and though the way I reacted to certain situations the way my brain works like it was huge when it came to getting clean because one of the reasons why people don't get clean is because they think that nothing's wrong I've done other videos which I'll link in the info card up here about how it affects the prefrontal cortex it affects our ability to be self-aware we're in denial about this thing so anyways back to my son being born it was a very long labor like I said she called me at seven in the morning because her water broke and he ended up not being born until about eight o'clock that night so we were there pretty much all day she wasn't dilating and all that kind of stuff and you know we were just hanging out in the room it's one of the reasons why I love the movie elf so much because I don't know why on new year's eve but one of the tv stations and we were watching the hospital had a marathon of elf they were just playing it back to back to back so I had some sentimental value because I was binge watching it while the day my son was born but anyways as my girlfriend and I were talking that day she's like look I know you wanted to go out and party and you know we didn't expect him to be born today so after things settled down with the baby you can go out and have that last hurrah that you wanted and I'm like okay cool so when my son was maybe a few weeks old something like that my mom actually came to town my mom was sober at this point and she came down to help us out with the baby and during that time and my girlfriend was feeling better she was healing from the c-section and we were going to go out to my friend's bar where we drink for free and we were going to go party and have a good time invited a bunch of people out there and don't get me wrong I got messed up but addicts and alcoholics what we do is we rationalize and we justify and the next morning I was like that's not the last hurrah that I was expecting so my brain told me that I'm not done I'm not done yet and what I started doing at that point I just started hiding it more all right I was a Bacardi drinker so I was hiding it in water bottles at that point I started stealing her pills because she had a c-section so she had a ton of pills so I started getting really hooked on pills and that's all I was doing I was hiding it more and it didn't take long for her to figure it out that I was drinking every night after work before I came home and she could smell the booze on me and a few months after he was born of me doing this she ended up taking our son and going to her mom's house and even at that point I didn't quit and it's it's absolutely terrible just to look back at these things but one of the reasons I share these stories with you again is to show you how far I've come and if you're out there and you're struggling with addiction or you know somebody who's struggling with addiction I'm here to let you know that it is possible but if you're the child of an alcoholic if you're somehow watching my videos because uh you have a parent or even a loved one who's an addict or an alcoholic I hope you're just developing a little bit of understanding as to how powerful the disease of addiction is like I mentioned at the beginning of this video we can't just get sober for our kids I wish it was that easy but I did not get clean until my son was three years old that's how much longer it took for my addiction to progress for it to get worse for me to hit my rock bottom and when my son was three years old I was no longer allowed to see him for the last four months before I finally got clean but that was part of my rock bottom I needed them to take him away from me for me to get to the point where I needed to be in order to ask for help and get my act together and today I have five and a half years clean my son just turned nine years old today this morning I took him back with his mom he's having breakfast today with his mom his uncle his stepdad his little brother and then pretty soon here I'm gonna go pick him up take him out for dinner and we're gonna hang out tonight and I spend my sober new years now just hanging out with my kid watching movies and playing video games and it's great it's one of the my favorite days of the year you know one of the fears that addicts have is like well if I get sober how am I gonna have fun on new years like I have a blast on new years just hanging out with my kid and I'll be hanging out with my girlfriend too you know it's it's amazing life that I live today and it's available for anybody out there who wants it so thanks so much for watching I hope you got something from this video and if you're an addict in recovery like I'd love to hear your comments down below like what have you noticed about how your thinking is different than the average person leave a comment down below but if you liked this video please give it a thumbs up share it with somebody you know if you think it can help them and if you're new here click the little round subscribe button right there and check out some of the other awesome videos on this channel by clicking or tapping on a thumbnail to the left of me thanks again for watching I'll see you next time