 Very good morning to you. My name is Rama Gukko. Thank you so much for choosing Y25 for this power talk. And as always, it is a pleasure being with you each and every Thursday. Remember, a repeat of this show also airs again each and every Thursday at 10 PM. So ensure that you catch this particular program again tonight at 10 PM. As always, it is a pleasure being with you. I hope that you're well this particular Thursday morning. And I hope that you're healthy from wherever you're watching us from. We are coming to you live from the broadcasting house here in Nairobi, Kenya. We are also live also on our website streaming at www.kbc.co.ke4 slash Y254. Engage with us. I shall give you where we shall be able to engage with you in a bit. But this is a show that we have all been waiting for. We started this conversation last week. The secret is to having a successful marriage. What are they? We started this conversation last week. And due to public demand, as always, we listen to our fans. We listen to our viewers. You wanted it. Now you have it. This is part two of last week's conversation, secrets to a successful marriage. How can you ensure that your marriage is successful? What are some of the reasons why we are seeing so many divorce cases happening nowadays as opposed to back then? What was the secret that our parents, our fathers, used to have that made their marriages last longer than ours? Squeezy, people get married. And after one week, two weeks, two months, two years, it's done. What is the problem? We started this conversation last week with our fantastic guests. And they are still joining me today on this particular Thursday morning to my extreme left Ladies and gentlemen, I am with the Reverend Evans Kochaw. He is a pastor, a counselor, a mentor, and a conference speaker. Can you stand up, Kassisi? Thank you. It's a pleasure. Last week it was on fire and looking forward to the day. And next to me, I am with Pastor Helen Giroux, a pastor at Jesus Victory Center in Kawanguare, Can you stand up, Helen? Thank you so much. Salam, how are you? How are you? I'm fine, how are you? Let's do it again. Yeah. And we are supposed to be joined by Apostle Prince Isaac from the, who is a lead pastor at the WEMI Church in Ruiru. He shall be joining us. Last week he was not able to join us, but today he said that he's going to ensure that he graces us with his presence. So Pastor Prince shall be joining us in a bit. But for now, ladies and gentlemen, let's kickstart this show. Let's start the show going on and show that you engage with us. The hashtag is Why In The Morning. It's a power talk show on Twitter. At Ram Maguko and at Y244Channel is where you can be able to engage with us. I am aware that you're watching from different parts of the country. So let us know where you're watching us from and we shall sample your feedback as you continue with this morning's conversation. Secret to a successful marriage. Now, I'm told Pastor Prince is within the vicinity. Maybe he shall join us. All right. Now, Ninona Amengia, Kunye Studio. I think he, all right, let's continue. He will join us in a bit. Apostle Prince has already entered in the building, but he's going to be amazing. You don't have to miss this particular program. So last week, we ended in a very interesting way. And I remember we were talking about how wives need to submit to their husbands, and how husbands need to submit to their wives. And there's so many things we did not touch on last week. Just to recap on what we were talking about. You know, what are the secrets to a successful marriage? For those of just join us in a natural. Let me start with you, Reverend. Coach. I still want to echo the same thing I said last week. I mean, was it last week? Yes. Yeah, that marriage is God's agenda. Marriage is God's idea. And because it is God's agenda, God's idea, we cannot run it without him. Of all the secrets, of all the things we want to talk about, we want to say about marriage, God becomes number one. God is the mother of all the secrets. Without him, at the center of it all, it falls down. So number one secret, and the mother of all secrets, is God, because this was his idea. Uh-huh. In a natural, secret to successful marriage. Yeah, I will echo what he has said, because we are cream that God is the center of our marriages. And we're saying that every marriage has a blueprint in the hands of God before it begins. So if you fail to get back to the blueprint, you fail it. Because you run it with your own mind, which becomes risk. It becomes a risk. And from wherever you're watching us from at home, let us know about what you think. Is marriage all about God? Is he the foundation of marriage? Is he the principal founder? Is it his idea, as they are saying? Well, let us know what you think or where your stand is in regards to this. Now, I want us to touch on other aspects that we were not able to touch on last week. And these particular aspects that we are going to touch on are items that are at the end of the day going to enlighten us even more or further in regards to this particular conversation that we just talked about the secrets to successful marriage. Apostle Prince has already set foot in the studio. My brother, Karibusana. Thank you, sir. Uko Salama. I'm a chonjo. I'm a BA. I almost robbed you of. My goodness, you cannot do that. It's impossible. It is impossible. Impossible? How can you? When I'm with my brother here, he's like, how? That is Apostle Prince Isaac from the U is a lead pastor at the RWEMI church in Ruiru. RWEMI stands for? It stands for Royal Word Empowerment Ministries International. Do you want me to continue? No. Royal Word Empowerment Ministries International. I'm a CAO. I know. It depends on the school you've gone to. Let me still say that there are some things we did not touch on last week, so let's talk about it. We left on that particular aspect of outside influence. So we are picking up from where we left. How can a couple seize their marriage, cushion their marriage, or prevent their marriage against or from outside influence, the in-laws? And sometimes that outside influence can be pastors, brothers or sisters, the extended family. What is it that couples need to do to cushion their marriages against all these things? Let me start with you, Apostle. All right. Number one, Ram, as we said last week, where we say that you need to put your priorities right. When you're meeting your spouse, when you're ready to get married, you need to have your priorities right. And therefore, the number one agenda that made you to come together, no matter the outside pressures and everything, you need to protect that. You don't have to be influenced by anything else. But how do you protect it? How? How do you do it? Because these people also feel like they have an opinion over your life. Now, that's where we are getting back to where my brother said that every marriage has to have a foundation on the word of God. The Bible is the standard of every marriage. And therefore, any agenda that is beyond or even outside the word of God should be null and void in every marriage. Yes. So any practice that you can see outside your marriage or it's not in the word of God, you should just avoid it like a plague, because it will crumble your marriage. Prasakucho, outside the influence. God ordained marriage to be for two people. The third party is an illegality. That is why in the Garden of Eden, we are using the Bible because actually I agree with her that Bible is the standard. The Bible is the gaging meter for every marriage. In the Garden of Eden, we see the third party coming in in the image of the snake. It interfered with the plan of God. It interfered with that marriage. Later brought us to where we are today. So God ordained marriage to be for two. So number one, we have to have that basic understanding that this marriage is for two people. Number two, having understood that this marriage is for me and my wife or me and my husband, I need to manage because at the end of the day, we don't need to chase relatives away. We don't need to chase our children now. We don't need to chase pastors away. We need them. But we need to know that we relate with them in our marriage up to what extent. The Bible says in the book of Genesis chapter 24 that therefore a man shall live. His father and his mother and cleave. And I say last week that you cannot cleave unless you decide to live. So there are times that I need to narrow down our friends. I need to talk to friends and tell you, you know what, we used to hang out. We used to all do all these things, go out. Mom, I used to stay with you up to, so I sit, I was equal. But now I have somebody to be responsible to. I have somebody to be accountable to. So I need to know my mom is relating with me in that marriage up to what extent. Now there is a particular individual who is watching us today. I'm sure they're suffering from this particular or they're struggling with this particular issue where everything you do, the mother-in-law wants to monitor. They come home and they will say, okay. Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And they will eat. What are these food? They will eat, they will eat, they will eat, they will eat. Even if they are hungry? Even if they are hungry? They eat because they are hungry. Yeah. They look at the table and they will eat. No wonder my son, your stomach is coming. He's not coming. What is the problem in this household? And then they begin to question why aren't you having kids? Why, I need children. I need this, I need that and that. I need money. Is your husband. I don't know how much money he has. I don't know how much money he has. Outside influence. Let me get it from you, episode. I just want to say it is a reality, a sad reality that is happening right now. But as much as it is happening, I want to go back to what we have echoed, the Bible. But now I don't want to measure on the Bible. I want to measure in the Word, in the Bible. Because that Word is the creator of this marriage in the beginning wars. And so that beginning brings the difference because every other institution uses the Bible. But they lack the precept of the Word. And that Word is what brings us to one. Now, me and my wife is equals to one. And so if I am divided from my wife, then I am weak to any kind of influence. But if I am one, because it is two shall become one, marriage concept is about wholeness. You know, you being whole as a person. So who are you listening to? If you are my wife, then it means I only have the ears. My wife has no ear. I'm the head. And it's only the head that has the ear. So if my wife is having an ear, then I must question myself, am I having another second head with a second ear? But that's where the problem comes in. Where by someone talks to your wife and tells your wife, that where man and woman, how can a man do this to you? What kind of marriage are you in with this kind of a man? It happened in the Garden of Eden. Did God really say? That was the statement of the devil. Did God really say? And that question brought Eve to a place of looking at the head and thinking right away. Did God really say? And the body now brought to the head, what it should consume? So for us to avoid what comes from outside, our mothers, our fathers, our brothers, and our sisters, our pastors, believe you me, given time, they will ruin. I always say this. The wickedness pastors have to destroy marriages is greater than what the devil has because they are pastors who are not for marriage. In fact, they look at a sister like this and they say, who you and Afaram? Afai culture. But in the real sense, God has ordained her for you. But because me and the pastor are overseeing you, I will divert the plan and give you this man because I know when I have you with this man, your tight is sure. Let me talk about women and friends. Let me start there. I will talk to the man later. Let me talk about women. A woman is being influenced by a friend. And this where gossip comes in. And then that gossip is brought into the family. Now, this husband and wife are fighting at night, till 2 a.m., 3 a.m., over something that she was told, something she had, or something that someone taught her that it should not be this way, it should be that way. I love Manomeh Hanasauti as a woman. What is the problem here? Number one, all I do myself. I've seen last week that I'm 14 years in my marriage. And not that we don't quarrel, not that I don't hear, but what I decided is what my husband hasn't told me, I will not allow it to get into my ears. Powerful word, what your husband has not told you? I have not told me. And if you come across me and tell me, Helen, there is this and that about your husband, then our semen behave like I know, that one I know. But behind my back, I know I shouldn't consult my husband but the same, so that I get the right information. Because the second party would distort everything. So I always protect my heart, I always protect my marriage by not accommodating such. And as he is saying, if two will become one, how then do you talk about the hand? What else is in the body? In the body. How? How? And that is where Man of God, I want to interject. Tuki Dogo, the way she said that she must approve it from the husband, you know? That means the body is working in oneness. That oneness is what synchronizes the energy, the synergy of marriage. It brings love at the place where it's supposed to be. I want us to now handle the men. Oh. What is it about men? The man has gone to the bar. I'm going to go to the bar and say, man, your wife cannot do that to you. I don't know if I can do that. Now you are being, I don't know if it's a peer, if I say peer pressure, and then your ego is being punched, punched. And then when you go to the house, Monome and Agaropa, and then the wife is wondering, what did I do? What is the problem? Will he seek your wife? Will he seek your wife? Now the man is now almost even beating the wife because he was told outside there, it could even be by the mother, the old mother. My son, when I was with your father, this is how I do it. Don't allow your wife to do this. So now there's a fight in the house, never mind. Suddenly it happens. It does. It's happening, and it has reigned several marriages. One thing I would want to echo what my two colleagues have said, the moment there is a definition that puts wife and husband apart, then that is a room enough for the devil to reign that marriage. And number two, we also need to understand that from the very first day, the devil never wanted anything called marriage. Never his desire? Well, never his idea. He fought marriage from the very beginning. Up to this time, the devil is still fighting marriage. So the devil can use anyone and anything to fight your marriage. So some of these things come from our parents that your wife is not doing this. Some of these come from our friends. So I saw your husband doing this. Some of these come from our colleagues. A woman cannot do this to me. But let me say this. The moment we begin to listen to external people or people from outside that marriage, then we are defiling the concept of God, which the Bible says that it is not good for a man to be alone. And I said last week that that statement means it is good for boys to be alone. Because it is only boys that will understand or hear things. They're rabbiah. It is only boys that will incite against their wife. If you are inciting me against my wife, if you are inciting me against myself. You are self. That's the concept. You are self. So if you allow someone to speak against your wife, you are allowing them to speak against you. You are a man to listen. Yeah, two shall become one. And therefore they are no longer two. They are one. So any time we are describing my wife negatively, in other words, you are worshiping me right in the presence of my wife. Yes, you should not take my wife. What should couples do when somebody comes and speaks badly about their spouse, about their partner? How should they, what should they do? Number one, I don't need to give that any minute. The chance. I don't want to give that any minute. Even if it's a very sad or juicy or gross. I don't want to. Because the moment I'm able to listen to you, meaning at up to some degree, I'm beginning to think that what you are saying is true. And I'm also confirming to you that you have my attention. You have my attention. And therefore I will not give it a chance, number one. And if it's anything to go by or to listen to, I'll go back home and talk to my wife about it. All right. So I'm so was telling me about this. So I'm so was saying about this. Do you know about this? So you should ask. Yeah, yeah, I'm not asking like I need to ask you now. Why, why do this? No, we are having a conversation about it. You know, in Marais, there are, we have to be very careful with the words. I'm not asking, but we are having a fellowship about it. How do you approach your husband and your wife? Who is she? I'm going to say, my husband and I, at the level, how do you approach him? How do you ask? That's why we're saying last week, we said you need to package yourself, right? Yes. Because you might be right and not correct. You might be correct, but not right. And therefore you might, you must package yourself right. So that when I approach my husband about an issue, maybe I overhand or even have come across, I need to go back in prayer, package myself well, such that when I come to my husband and appear to him and maybe table my, my, my, my, my, everything, my complaint, he would take it positive. Now, when I tell him and now maybe passed to me and in amchoma, then I am wrong. Not my husband. I am the one. Come in amomiza. Come in ameniko seya. Let's begin from there. Ameniko seya, nikue li. Then as a wise wife, I need to package myself in a way that he will take it as a something good, something positive. But in this case, you've been told something about your husband. Yes. Siya tiya mekuko seya. I know. You manenu miski anji. Nikue li. That point is very dangerous. And I want to say what my brother said is, if you allow somebody to talk about your wife or your husband, if you're a wife, it means you had already put this person at a place called a spot. So this person was already a suspect. From the beginning. From the beginning. So you were just looking for evidences to prove. So that means that in the first place, it is not a marriage. What is it? Marriage is you believe in yourself. Man of God sayu niyabiesi diya vahsmat. Ni takuabie weinim. In fact, get behind me certain. Because I don't want to listen to you. I know I am. So if you allow somebody to do that, it means, number one, you had already put him on the spot. So you were just waiting for something to happen. Then you come to him in a voodoo. I knew. I knew from the word go niyabiesi diya vahsmat. You were this way, you were that way, you were that way, you were that way. And everything is over. And everything is over. And they don't want to know. Why? Because from the word go, like the way they said, when the foundation is wrong, it doesn't matter how the fancy, how the building is fancy and beautiful. It doesn't matter until you become one whole. Whose report are you listening to? Whose report are you listening to? Whose report? Which ear are you using to listen to people? Which one? There is something going around on social media. But don't tell me what other people told you about me. But explain to me why you are so comfortable to listen to those lies. What other people are saying about me? I want to start to touch on this particular angle here. Children. Still a big issue here. Ladies and gentlemen, you are talking about secrets to a successful marriage. When you've been married for a particular period of time and you still don't have children, and now your mother-in-law, father-in-law, your in-laws, your relatives are now asking you, where are our children? I don't know what to do with them. What to do with them? And you begin to get so concerned till some of them even begin suggesting other possible solutions. Exactly. So you are telling your mother-in-law that you don't have any children? I don't know what to do with my mother-in-law. You are telling your mother-in-law that you don't have any children? Then I need to advise my male candidates who are about to get married. Or who are married? Not who are about to get married. Who are about to? Yes. If they come across this challenge in the future of the children and what have you, then you need to take the wife to be, take her to a training, maybe you give her to another man. And the training, apart from your daughter, you can marry a person who is able to get married. You know what? Are you saying apart from your daughter-in-law? Give her time, give her time. I'm writing a point for you. You know, you've married me, you don't have children. I was not in a training, you've not done rehearsals. Yes, rehearsals, so that you can be able to be, you know you can see a hen and is able to get children. Then if that one is allowed, then the question should arise. I get you now. You get. I almost, I miss out on something. I don't even say, ah, my goodness. No, even now it is becoming hard on you. Then the question of when will you give me a kid should be as hard as that. Because this girl was not married. This girl has never had children. Therefore, the love was based on me and my husband. Not about the children. I was listening to classic FM, is it classic or something? And it was an issue of the same. This guy was approached by the mother and the father-in-laws and the brothers-in-laws and like. Manze, on a shoot gun, you know, bullet, I'm a. And the guy was like, I think I'm okay because I got married, I had two, three, four children out there. So I don't know why he has seen that. So when the lady was brought in for talk, the lady opened up and said, every time my husband pronounced me, I aborted. What? And she was asked, why? And she said, she just doesn't want to have children. So at times we can be blaming or pushing these people to the corner. Yet there is one that is not one. There is one party that is not one. So you're saying sometimes it is not, you may be putting yourself under pressure. Yes. But it is your partner who is not giving you children. Exactly. And you see, that's where the problem is because now a man will tell the woman, when he knew the party was over. But now one. By the way, man of God, can I tell you something? When God said, a man shall live to live. When he said that, Kwanzaa, there was only one thing, these people to be one. That's it. So the issue of children will come later on. He's only by died, those are fruits of the marriage. But the first thing is these people to be one. When they are one, they can give back. They will be fruitful. It is automatic. Saved or not saved, children are blessings from God. So there are times that we meet such a situation or a condition that the man of God is talking about. But there's a time that we have this condition, either in a man or a woman or both. And whenever a couple finds themselves in such kind of state, they need to believe God and trust God for children. I've seen God doing that separately. Two, I believe in what the apostle said. The concept of marriage, the idea of marriage came number one for two people. God wanted to bring us together as one in an institution called marriage. Having children is just but part of so many other reasons or any other benefits of that union. What do you do when your mother-in-law now gets in, father-in-law gets in and they ask you, what do you tell them? The question of what I do only comes the moment I begin to mourn to my mother or to my parents that you know I'm bothered about children. But if I know that I and my wife are one and we are trusting God that one day we'll have a child, then that question will not even arise from them, actually. But now we have some more, they're not bothered. It is actually the peer, the pressure from the family. Yeah. When it comes, parents are very clever. The moment they realize that you are able to accommodate such kind of questions, they'll really flock your house with such kind of questions. But some of them know, if you want to stop everything, they'll agree with the wife. Try to ask everyone about that. And you see, your stand should be very strong from the word go. To protect that from you. I'm told we need to take a short commercial break. But after this break, we'll be back. And I wanted to tell me, what do you do when you realize that there is this secret your partner has been having? You've been married for a given number of years. Nandu may realize, Saizi, can that break up marriages? Because now you realize, and someone tells you, all these years you've been hiding things from me. What do you do? What else are you hiding? What else are you hiding from me? I cannot trust you. In Akuwacha. Remember you realize that Kumiakonam Toto. Yes. Now I'm working with Uncle. And today Ram, we need to tie the concept of intimacy, because that is also another area. We will come there. Yeah. I'm going to bring Ram. He's just in the match. She will come. Let's take a picture, we'll be back in a bit. This is part of keep engaging with us. The hashtag is part of that Ram Maguko at Y254 Channel, Secrets to a Successful Marriage. What are they? This is part of. Y254. Imagine. Welcome back. This is Power Talk. As always, it is a pleasure being with you. It's all about understanding the secrets to a successful marriage. If you're all, you're having any struggles in your marriage. We have people here who are experts. If you can hear what they're saying, they can be able to help you out. So engage with us. The hashtag is part of Sean Twitter at Ram Maguko at Y254 Channel, so you can be able to find us. I'll tell us why you're watching us from and we shall sample your feedback a bit later on as you continue with today's conversation on a successful marriage. So before we took that break, of course we were talking about children. And I want us to finalize on that bit by you telling me how, and I believe it was your post-host talking, how can, what responses should couples harm themselves with when they are faced with this battle and these questions of when are you going to get us children? The man should play his role. The man's role is to protect the wife. And protecting the wife is just not all the things dealing physical. It's also verbal and emotional. And so the lady should feel secure whether they are fertile or not. They should feel secure with the man that this man loves me for better, for worse. For better for worse. That word for better for worse must be included because when it is not there, any other thing can come in the place. So the man must play his role. Number one, he must stand so strong that any outside voice will know in that place there is only one voice that speaks and that's the voice of the husband. The man. Let me give a final word in regards to that before I move to the final thing. Because sometimes we blame women when we are faced with such kind of things. Sometimes the men are also to blame, but we don't touch deep on that, but have a final word. The Bible says that men should love their wife as Christ loved the church. I understand that Christ loved the church until he died for the church. And therefore it should not be known outside your marriage, it should not be known that your wife is infertile, that my husband is infertile. Therefore the man has to protect the wife if she is infertile and believe God that he is able to give children. Then the one protection, I think in marriage there is a condition which should be broken. Love should not be under any condition. Even in those deepest things that you are dealing with, come as a kukusawa toto, a man should remain strong and do as per the word of God. All right. Yes. You have a word? Let me put the... Okay. Briefly. Love is the cure of all of those things. When I'm going to do what God asked me to do to my wife, love your wife as you love yourself. Okay. That will be the cure. I want to touch on this angle. A man has, of course, different families. Come from different marriage techniques, backgrounds, affiliations, belief systems, and all orientation. Yet at the end of the day, we have things called secrets that affect families. What should a couple do when they all of a sudden come across information about their spouse that they never knew all along? And this information can be about anything. But at the end of the day, it has affected you and it has hurt you as a person. And that can even lead to divorce because you never knew this thing about this person and you no longer feel like you trust them. What do you do? Helen. I believe in courtship. In courtship is whereby you deal with the foundations because I come from a different foundation, he comes from a different foundation. And therefore the beliefs in the other family should also be opened up before we get married. And that's why I'm... But there's some things that people are afraid of saying because they're in courtship that people are afraid of exposing themselves too much that you may, you know, lose, you may even chest them away. No, remember, Ram, this is a person that you're going to spend the rest of your life with. It's not just like a visitor. You're not visiting the marriage. You're not just getting in and getting out. No, this is a person of your lifetime. So during courtship, tell him or her everything about yourself? Open up, let him know that when my father is hungry and anichapanga, so when you took your own, and we knew him or her, your father used to do this. But to care, I'll let you know that this should not be done. You know, open up. Open up. I have question marks on that. But let me hear what you're saying, and because of that. I want to give my personal story. Yes. On that. Because when you are dealing with marriage, we are not just picking ideas everywhere. We are dealing with things that we have dealt with, things that we have gone through because somebody else is going through the same. When I was a single man, I kept a lot of secrets to myself. And those secrets made me strong. When I am facing the opposite sex. Why? Because they don't know nothing about me. So whenever we are dealing, we just say, oh, yes, I am good. Yes. Oh, yes. Oh, good. Yeah. Superficially, we are there. We are just knowing each other superficially. But not too much information. But not too much information because the more you open up, the more you become weaker. A man, when a man opens up to a woman, they become weak. And so if the woman is not the right one for you, my dear, you have sold yourself. You will be like Samsung. Exactly. That's exactly my problem. During courtship, you told this person all your secrets because you are trying to build something. It's not to have a successful marriage without any secrets. But now, you are a man. And now this person knows everything about you. And they can say or do anything concerning about you. That is where I come in and I say, before you open up to everything, before you open up and dig out everything that you have as a secret. Like, for example, I was a chokora, you know? I'm raised in a, before I was a chokora, my father and mother were lovers. You know, I was raised in a family that my father used to play kalongo-longo with my mother, Britisho in the house. And we are watching and they are carrying each other. So I was raised from that kind of a family. Or the open love. It was open love. And I went, I went, I was almost three kilometers away. I went, I didn't even talk to anyone. I was just a little girl, I didn't even talk to anyone. I was just a little girl, I was just a little girl. Some of them always are you in a merchant, you know? Those were love terms. Love, okay. You know, and the love in between them was so strong. Why? Because she opened up to the right man and the man opened up to the right woman. Now, the question is, if you were to open up as a man to this woman, make sure that this woman is the right woman, not a delilah looking for information from you. Now, this is a case where a couple is having a fight because one has just gotten new information about this other person that they never knew. That's why we are saying Ram, before you say I do, please, put everything in black and white. So that's why, okay, in my case scenario, okay, I know where my husband is coming from because we had such a discussion before, we get married, I knew I was getting married to a son of a single mom. And therefore I knew I will be sharing my husband with my mom. Yes, because now the husband is the protector to the mother and I cannot deny that. You see, these are the things you need to open up. If maybe my husband knew how many boyfriends I had before, I told him I had this and that, he knew, I knew, he told me, Helen, I had this and this. So before we get into that, there is nothing I will be looking for as a new information. For example, let me give an example here. A lady has had multiple sexual partners before marriage until at some point she had to abort and this process had affected her womb. An example, and now because that womb is affected, now she's gotten married to a particular man and many years down the line, this man is not running, bone-hunting party or whatever, but she knows that there is something that happened to me when I was young that can make me not have a child now. And she has kept it a secret. Now the man is just finding out secrets that can break marriages. Can I ask you a question before it gets clear? Can I ask you a question? What if Ram you've married and you realize that the wife has seen a scar somewhere that you have never told her about? And now the scar is scaring in something like that. But now does it mean the wife should leave you? No, remember when you married, you became one. We've seen God who has restored uterus. We've seen this God. And therefore if such a secret happens and you see it, there is a God who is able to mend it. I want to say something before this. You don't need to depress. There is something burning out here. There is something burning out here. You see, when such a scenario happens, the Bible says true love covers a multitude of sins. True. A multitude. True. But awakened love before its time will end up into disaster. These are secrets to a successful marriage. Now, if you find out that one and you truly love this person, there is an approach. The approach is like that one of the prophet, the prophet who went to David. And he knew David has done this and that. And he went with the story. You know, there are things you can approach your wife in a story, you know? And you bring her not even directly to the church. You are chatting her and you're talking to her and you're like, babe, there is some honey, darling, there is somebody who has done this and this and this. Imagine, I want to go and give them counsel. But I want to get your idea. What do you think? What can I go and tell them? And then you engage, work at your main gear. And then you say, no. If it were you, what would you have done? And then you bring her into it. She will be rightly open. Why be true? True love. True love, man of God. See that's not of her own. It seeks not of itself. And it keeps more record of us. Never, never, never. There are two biblical principles. Number one, the Bible says that both were naked and were not ashamed. Yes. And this is when now a husband and a wife, Adam and Eve, I agree that it is good to open up to your partner. But you need to be very sure this is the right partner. Exactly. Because if you do a mistake to opening to every Tom, Dick and Harry, you will find yourself in a big mess. Correct. You will be divorced on a night to your wedding. The lady will run away from you. Because she's told much about you. So I want to advise our young people who are just starting relationships. The Bible says that he who finds a wife, not a woman, not a girl, he who finds a wife. Meaning being a wife is a deeper level of commitment that somebody has entered your trust. Somebody has worn your love and you are able to trust this person with all your secrets. Now, in this case that it happens that your wife or your spouse tells you that, you know, this happened before and I didn't tell you now this is the reality. Marriage is a union of two forgivers. Any time you find yourself in such a mess, remember that institution is not high school or college. This is a union ordained by God and it is a union of two forgivers. Meaning, I accept that this woman I'm married, maybe I don't know 100% about her. Maybe she doesn't know 100% about me. What happens if one day I will know the bit of the percentage that was remaining? What will I do? What if these things are not perfect things or not good things? I will understand that I myself am not perfect. Neither is she. And if I know something about her that is not OK, I remember one thing, two things. Number one, marriage is a union of two forgivers. Two forgivers, union of two forgivers, not one forgiver. Two forgivers. Number two, I know that there is something called love. Love covers, as the man of God said, covers all things and love wins. Now, you realize, Now, let me tell you, let me give you an experience. I was a pastime commieger and a young girl was not able to open up so well to this young man. And you know, one of the things that brings these problems is when we hurry up things. When we are in a rush, and when we are in a rush, I am also connected, I know this. At least when we are in a rush, we taste bad things. But I want to say that is where people make mistakes. Don't rush things. And that is, and if you rush, you are married, you want to be sustained. When you rush things, you are not giving this woman to tell you much about her. I'm not giving this woman time to tell her about me. So which time is the best time, averagely, at least how long before you get into marriage? The things I've experienced about helping people in marriage and other friends that I've seen, I made a vow that I will never be involved in a marriage that these two people have known one another, each other for one year, for more than one year. I will never be part of it. Exactly, more than one year. I cannot appreciate such a marriage that you've not, you just knew each other in December. Then in February, you're taking dowry. Then in April, you're doing your wedding. I'm not part of it. I will not officiate it. I will never be in the committee. I will never advise. I will never do counseling because those people are too strangers. One year. Take, yeah, more than one year. Smaller. No, no, no. No, why? Come at least. There is nothing. The benchmark is at least. So this is the secret of the dowry, date for one year before marriage. Ram, there is nothing expiring in this woman. That's nothing expiring in me. And we can wait. Don't even use the word date. The word date means kuwaja. The word date. It is a secular word, yeah. It is, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it, it, it. It is a kuwaja. A kuwaja. So don't use it. Let, let, let me put this. I want to smooth something up. Let me add this, let me add this. Yes. So this young girl was sort of able to open up to this man. This, the man hurried things and the girl wanted things to be fixed quickly. On the day of dowry payment, They, the boy met his four children. Daddy, you know what I'm talking about. Daddy, you know what I'm talking about. Daddy, you know what I'm talking about. Daddy, you know what I'm talking about. You are a father before you know it. You are a father before you know it. These people left that home. And that's why we are saying people shouldn't open up. We need to open up. If you know this one is the right person's marriage. There are some, okay, someone will forgive. There are some things that when you just hear them, you take time to heal. Yeah, let's not take things casually. Open up because when God will confirm to you the person you are getting married to. To a virgin, you know what I'm talking about. To a virgin, you know what I'm talking about. They, if we get married, this is not good. At least, at least one year. At least one year. At least, at least one year. At least one year. No, no, no, no, no. Even more. And don't get married to a person. That you've just been meeting in happy moons. Sometimes just do it intentionally to see the character of this person. The other side of that. I'm not sure. And see how. I sent a couple away when they were asking me to officiate their marriage. Then I had to ask them questions as I was taking them through first counseling. Then I realized these people are only knowing each other for three months. I told them, please wait until the end of this year. And if you can't wait, please. There are so many pastors on hire. Go hire them. Let them officiate your wedding. But me, I'm never part of it. I want us to touch on something that is quite sensitive. And I know that it can help somebody somewhere. Remember we're talking about secrets to a successful marriage. Social orientation. What do you do when you find out that at some point you are not as intimate as you used to be before? But you no longer feel your partner as you used to be before. But nowadays even some go outside now the marriage. So that they can be able to feel contented. So that when you get married, you can have a child. And you know finally, some spouses also allow their spouses to go to the house. Because if they go to the house, they have to go to the house. I don't want to go to the house. I don't want to go to the house. I don't want to go to the house to get a child. That's a lie. What do you do? Intimacy is a problem in marriage. How? How is it becoming a problem? Tell me, give me an example. How? Why? How is it becoming a problem? I've been married for 14 years. There is no single day a year to say that I'm married. How? Because what are you doing in two months? So far, from five months. This man is anakuna. When do you expect him to be married? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. A man should not go beyond three days. I always make sure that my husband is empty. Empty, such that at the end of the day, there is no one who can help me. You know what the support is. Empty. Empty. Empty. It is not about feeling. It is not about feeling. I have to make it intimate. I have to make my marriage intimate. I want to ask you this. I don't know if you've heard of this particular terminology. When people talk about an open marriage, it's open, not closed, open, where you are allowed to go outside. Because it's open. I am, just as you are allowed to go outside, I'm also allowed to go outside of marriage. As long as we know that we, since we're really, we are allowed to go outside of marriage. When we end our relationship, when you attack me sour, it's not a marriage. That's not marriage. That's not marriage. Totally, that's not marriage. And it is not in the concept of the Bible. It's not in the concept of the Bible. It's not a marriage. It's not a marriage. They call it open marriage. No, it's not open, it's not closed. It's not open. Those are cultures that have come from outside. That what we are dealing with, how do you deal with what comes from outside. So those are things that are coming outside to just satisfy three things. One, infatuation. Because there are people who have infatuated each other, and they think they love each other. It was just infatuation. Infatuation dies with time. So you will find at first sight it is hot, and then it goes like that. Last is like a heat and run. Today I get you, I heat, and I run, infat I'll block you. Infat I'll block you. And because, the third one, just because I just needed to show culture. Man, that I mean as a wide rainbow. And my sister also will go outside there and tell me, you know, you're not the only hands of man. I can also get hands of men out there. That's not marriage. That is not marriage. Now, how you deal with it, is when you realize this is happening, and it is entering your marriage, as born again, brothers and sisters, born again or not, bring each other to a talk. Talk. Talk it out. That there's a problem in regards to bedroom issues. You talk about it. Talk about it. Be open to the answer from 6 to 6 p.m. So is it first, second, 0 seconds to second, we are done to go in. What is happening? Let me get your point. What is called intimacy in quotes for sex was ordained by God in a set up of marriage. It is allowed in marriage. It is a gift God has given to people who are married. Now, one thing we need to understand, marriage is not a such touring thing or marriage is not come with stay. Marriage is a lifelong term union. And therefore to spice it up to make it real, to make it good, intimacy is part of it and has to be part of it. And therefore I want to say this. There is no marriage if there is no intimacy. There is no. It does not exist. There is nothing like, you know, these things that are coming from the West and people are bringing cultural ideas and all these things are there to talk about Bible standard marriage and when you talk about God being the foundation of marriage it has to be between two people. And now the concept of intimacy must be there and must be done regularly and must be protected. Must be enjoyed. In fact so many people think bedroom is a place where you bring shoes and or that is not a place to solve issues or issues or church or that is an altar. If we have issues we can serve them outside somewhere. Outside the house or outside somewhere. But bedroom is an altar. Let me finish this. Let me finish this. That is an altar. Have you ever seen pastors bringing beds on top of the altar sleeping there? Have you ever seen them playing games there? When they stand there they don't play with my brother. They do what they were called to do. They are preaching Christ. The same way bedroom is not a place to joke. That is a place where God ordained that families, I mean you told this to that place. So that is not a place to joke. I am two times better on our side. We need to touch on some of the girls. Even if it's an altar again the Bible says it is a duty it is a duty it is a duty it is a duty it is a duty it is your rights. It is your rights. If at all we cannot do our issues outside the bedroom let's not go to this thing at me. It is a duty. It should be enjoyed. That is what dilutes us in the long run. We cannot be enjoyed. But it will be enjoyed. Come to Tarekebisha. I want to say this one word Briefly. When you are married and you are having your intimacy it is not you are doing it for the favor of the other you are not doing it for the favor of anybody. There are women whom even if you do for ten hours they will not appreciate them. Even if you give your husband for two days he will not appreciate. Work back in learning. I want us to wrap up with this comment. Briefly. What do you do when it comes to money issues in a marriage? How do you do financial planning? Should couples share everything about their finances, bank details every financial plan that they have every investment with their partner even if it includes registration of your names. How can couples protect themselves and protect their marriage in regards to their money? There is a problem. In society everyone is in fear. If I open up to my husband and he happens to know ABCDXYZ what I have at some point he might come against me to own what I have opened up. We need revival in our marriages. Briefly, Prince. That's why this thing you should not take it in a hurry but if it comes to that point please from the word go are you still one? The concept remains. Are you still one to the financial investments in everything? Don't keep secrets. We cannot only be one in marriage or in bedroom but if it comes to money we are two. My money is my money. My money is our money. Your money is our money. So we are one. I want us to finish. Let me not end the show without saying this comment. It does not matter whether it is one year, two years or not. It depends on how you love one another. I took four months up to now we are together with my wife in marriage. Let me talk. Anointing alone does not sustain a church or a ministry. I will say again love does not maintain a marriage. Love alone cannot sustain a marriage. Let me just say this. Let's finish this. This is banning. When Adam looked at Eve, he said born. Of my flesh. That is a personal flames. Personal flames. You are married this year. We will live again. We will live again. Time will live again. I want to end with a quote. Remember whether you agree with this quote Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming. You have to start over again every morning. Very true. May God bless you. May God bless the work of your hands. May God bless our marriages. My name is Ram Maguko and this is Power Talk.