 R.C.A. Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television, proudly presents... Director's Playhouse, stars Kerry Grant, Betsy Drake, production Mr. Blandings builds his dream house, director H.C. Potter... The Hollywood Screen Directors present transcribed a tale of architects and apoplexy, the motion picture comedy Mr. Blandings builds his dream house, starring Kerry Grant and his original role of Jim and Betsy Drake as Muriel. Man was once a carefree fellow who swung happily through the jungle trees, every man his own Tarzan. But then he yearned to get out of the trees and into caves. Then he yearned to get out of the caves and into a house. He's still yearning. This is a story of Jim Blandings' New York apartment dweller who yearned to get out of his cave. Tall, well-groomed, moderately successful advertising executive in charge of the Wham ham account. Thank you. He also has two fine daughters and one lovely intelligent wife named Muriel. I'm Muriel. Every morning in our apartment we fought for firsts with the bathroom, the big bonanza. Started first thing in the morning. I'd open one eye and there would be Jim nuzzling the furniture like a strange dog. Looking for something to eat? Yeah, my socks. Why don't you look in your sock drawer? That's where I found my underwear. Why your underwear drawer? I am in my underwear drawer. Well, what do you find? Your underwear. Then the great American bathroom derby. And there goes Jim Blandings, an odds-on favorite. He's at the door. He opens it. In this apartment there isn't room enough to knock. That was Sandra, age 10. Joan has a different screen. Find my dressing gown. Conditions being what they were in our apartment, Jim would shave while I brushed my teeth. Did you cut yourself? I cut myself every morning. I kind of look forward to it. Bill Cole uses an electric razor and Bill Cole's beard. I am not interested in discussing the grain and texture of Bill Cole's hair follicles before I have my orange juice. And so forth. Until one morning Jim saw an ad in the paper and desperation did the rest. Listen to this, Muriel. Muriel, forced to sell, farm dwelling, original beams, oak grove, trout stream, meadows. Superview will sacrifice. So? So, spend six, seven thousand dollars. We can have a home of our own. A dream house. Oh, Jim, do you really think we could? It doesn't cost anything to look. Well, there she stands, folks. Finest old house in Connecticut. And what do you think, Muriel? My, it's just charming. Dear, we're just looking. First year she was here, General Gates stopped right there to water his horses. Oh, General Gates, eh? Civil war. Revolutionary war. Oh, that General Gates. You can get that place for a steal. Tell me, Smith, what are you hoping to get for that broken down old relic? Well, we're asking ten thousand dollars. Ten thousand dollars? He's asking. Now, how much will you take? Ten thousand dollars. Well, it's more like it. We'll take it. Oh, good morning, Gussie. Good morning, children. Good morning, Father. Morning, Muriel. I'll go get you wham and egg, now, Mr. Blake. Well, girls, did your mother tell you about our new home? Well? I was just thinking, Jim. Ten thousand dollars was more than you wanted to pay for a place. It was a steal, Muriel. It was lastly. Shouldn't we have seen a lawyer? Bill Cole would have... For once in my life, I would like to make a decision without Bill Cole. Well, he's your lawyer. Only because he was your old college, Jim. Now, I don't want Bill Cole puttering with this. That's final. No Bill Cole. Well, there's our house, Bill. Isn't it beautiful? Yes, in a worm-eating kind of way. Just what do you see in it? Birds. What? We've got birds. On our roof, sparrows. There's one landing on the shingles now. What's that? Just a few shingles. It's a nice old house, Bill. It just needs someone to love it, that's all. Well, it's a good thing there are two of you. One to love it and one to hold it up. Have you had an engineer check the roof and foundation? Engineer? This is the house, not a train. I just saw it move. Now, see here. It so happens that General Gates stopped at this very house with his horses. It's fine for thirsty horses. But you're getting roped. Oh, we are, are we? Jim, you don't think we've made a mistake? Now, now, wait a minute. Now, let me just explain one thing, that's all. I've gone out and found what I'm not ashamed to call my dream house. It's like a beautiful painting. You buy it with your heart, now with your head, because it's beautiful and you love it. And when I sign those final papers Saturday, I can look the world in the face and say it's mine. My house, my home, my 50 acres. Our house, our home, our 50 acres. Well, all right. But let me have Joe Apolloneo look the house over for you. No. Well, he's the man who advised the government not to raise the Normandy. No. Well, they didn't listen to him and wasted five million dollars. Bill, you have my word. If I were raising the Normandy, I wouldn't make a move without Joe Apolloneo. Okay, Jim. Uh, Muriel, kiss goodbye for an old college gentleman. I'll be on my way. Well, I'm going to look around inside of you. How's the flooring on that porch? Sound is a dollar. Jim! I presume you were referring to Confederate dollars? Don't just stand there. Get me out of this hole. Bill, I guess you'd better get in touch with Mr. Apolloneo. Well, Mr. Apolloneo, what do you think of that good old house? We want your honest opinion. Tear it down. Tear it down. Tear it down. We certainly will not tear it down. Tear it down. Well, we'll get our own expert. Mr. Sawyer, you know old houses. What's your opinion? Tear it down. You're a man of imagination, Jonas. What do you suggest? Get yourself an architect and build a new house. Get an architect? Build a new house. We certainly will not get an architect. Build a new house, indeed. The idea. Indeed. We got ourselves an architect. We had the old house torn down and began to discuss plans for a brand new house. And lots of closet space, Mr. Sims. Lots of closet space. If there's one thing this family needs, it's closet space. Closet space. And four big roomy, airy bedrooms. Four bedrooms? And each bedroom has to have at least one bathroom. But that would be four bathrooms. And a great big kitchen. And a great big breakfast room. And a great big playroom. Nothing tremendous, 30 by 40 feet or so. And a paneled library. And a hobby room. Mrs. Blandings, with your limited budget, couldn't you do with one less bathroom? Absolutely not. It'll save 1,300 dollars. I refuse to endanger the health of my children and the house it has less than four bathrooms. Muriel, for 1,300 dollars, they can live in a house with three bathrooms and a ruffet. Now, Mr. Sims, we'd like a terrace off the study and a three-car garage and, of course, a bar. Of course. What else? Well, just one thing. Keep the cost down to 10,000 dollars. Well, Muriel, your husband has done it again. What's wrong, Bill? What did I do? Did that idiot Sims let you tear down your house without consulting me on the legality involved? What legality? Wasn't anyone aware of the mortgage? What mortgage? Ephemus Hackett's mortgage. What about Ephemus Hackett's mortgage? Jim, what did you do? I don't know. He won't tell me. You merely tore down a house on which Hackett held a $6,000 mortgage, which now becomes fully payable upon demand, and Mr. Hackett does so demand. Oh, no. Well, we get it. Well, I suppose I could turn in my insurance policies. No, Jim. No, not yet. No, rather than see you do that, I'll be glad to sign a note for the amount. Thanks, Bill. Oh, forget it. Well, a kiss goodbye for an old college chum, your real old chum. Goodbye, Bill. Hey. See you in bankruptcy court, hey? What a wonderful friend. What's with this kissing all of a sudden? Lately, every time he leaves this apartment, he shakes hands with me and kisses you. Would you prefer it the other way around? Well, I don't like it. That's all. Oh, now, darling, it isn't, Bill. It's the house you're upset about. Yeah, I guess you're right. That and business. I'm getting worried about the deadline on that new slogan for wham. It isn't too late to change our minds about the house, Jim. Yo-yo, I'm going to see this thing through. So far, our $10,000 house has cost us $24,698.45. But... But? We've got the prettiest vacant lot in the state of Connecticut. Clean Directors Playhouse production of Mr. Blandings builds his dream house. Starring Betsy Drake and Carrie Grant, and presented by RCA Victor. Well, we can't all go out like Mr. Blandings and run ourselves up a dream house, complete with four bathrooms and two mortgages. But we can all aspire to acquire the world's greatest instrument of home entertainment. RCA Victor's TA-169. A magnificent console combination which brings together in one beautiful cabinet the best of the three great entertainment worlds pioneered by RCA Victor. Radio, television, and recorded music. You get AM and FM radio at their finest. You get RCA Victor 16-inch television, so big, so clear, so real that you often find yourself clapping as at live performances. And you get two superb automatic record changers. One plays both conventional 78 records and long playing 33 in a third record. The other is RCA Victor's own new 45. The finest automatic record changer ever made. Make your present house a dream house with this master instrument of home entertainment, created by RCA Victor. Now back to the screen director's play house production of Mr. Blandings builds his dream house, starring Carrie Grant at his original role of Jim and Betsy Drake as Muriel. Cleared the ground for the house. They began digging. They struck solid rock. They had to blast it. Blast it? $27,000 in the deadline for the new slogan for wham was getting nearer. Jim was in the throes of creation. When you want a snack of ham, why not take a whack at wham? Horrible. Horrible, right. The highly touted trout stream right up, and that meant we had a well to dig and dig and dig and dig at four and one half dollars a foot. When the hole was approximately $800 deep, Jim thought he ought to have a word with Mr. Tisander, digger of well. Mr. Tisander! Mr. Tisander! 90 feet. Isn't that pretty deep? Have you hit anything at all? I hit some nice limestone yesterday. Limestone? Yeah. Nothing on a hot day like a nice cold glass of limestone. Oh, nothing. Just go right ahead. I'll just limp back to my office and rob the petty cash. Had our well at last. It was a lovely thing. Two hundred and twenty-seven feet deep. And then suddenly we had two wells because a workman in the basement struck water six feet down. How do you explain that, Mr. Tisander? The man hit good water in my basement at six feet, and over there, just 25 yards away, you had to go down 227 feet to hit the same water. Well, how do you account for it? Well, it seems to me over here the water's down around six feet, and over there it's down around 227 feet. Yep. Here's your coffee, Jim. And here's your favorite breakfast dish. Gussie. Not wham again. I love it. I hate it. Gussie, I've been spending eight hours a day with this stuff. I know all about its succulent goodness, its sugar-cured tenderness, its vitamin-drenched gazebos. Well, you don't have to sell me, Mr. Blandin. I like it. Night and day under the height of me. Wham. Bill's driving me out to the house again today. Well, every time I turn around, he's driving you out to the house. He's only being helpful. I thought he was a lawyer. Why isn't he out suing somebody? You eat your wham. Oh, Santa, pass me the whammer phone. I mean the telephone. Hello? Oh, good morning, Bill. Give him my love. Wait a minute. What? What? Oh, that's outrageous. Just what does the owner of this apartment mean I've got to move in 30 days? Oh, fine. I know my rights. I have no intention of moving in 30 days. No. No. How can I move into a house without doors and windows? But this is not legal, and I want you to fight it. I'm not moving. Right. Yeah. Yeah. We're moving in 30 days. In 30 days, we moved into our dream house. Our dream house. It had no doors, no windows, no lights, no carpeting, and no heat. We walked around in our overcoats, and I lost four pounds by shivering in the right places. Then, to give our home that lived-in look, the green-eyed monster showed up. I merely asked you a question. Why have you kept Bill Cole's fraternity pin all these years? Jim Blandings, I think you're jealous. If you were so crazy about him, why didn't you marry him? Why did you marry me? I'm beginning to wonder. Maybe it was because of those big cow eyes of yours or that ridiculous hole in your chin. Maybe I just happened to fall in love with you. Don't ask me why. Oh, oh, Muriel, I'm sorry. Sometimes I act like a schoolboy. I know you're under pressure here and at the office, but this is no way to start the day, is it, Jim? No, darling. But this is. Now, hurry, you'll miss a train in to town. Well, just one more. Oh, Jim. Well, all right. Deadline on Wham today. Boss says get a slogan or get. All right, dear, I may be home very late. Well, don't worry about it, Jim. Bill's coming over to spend the evening. Bill? Very dear, you'll be late. He is late. It's hopeless. Why don't you forget you're a good secretary and go home? After only 14 hours? Besides, it's raining too hard. Danton and Baskham advertising. Oh, yes, Mr. Baskham. He's right here. Oh, you boss. Thanks, ma'am. Hello, Mr. Baskham. How are you? Yes, miserable night. Yes, yes. Well, we'll get that slogan out by noon tomorrow if I have to stay here all night. Yes. Bye, Mr. Baskham. Bye, Mr. Baskham. Well, that means we'll just have to dream up something now, good or bad. I rather got the impression that it better be good. How's this? Go ahead. Compare the price. Compare the slice. Take our advice. Buy wham. Uh-uh. Well, if you'd buy better ham, you'd better buy wham. Boil petroleum. If you'd buy better oil, you'd better buy boil. I found those monopolies. Here's one. East is east, and west is west. Ham is ham, but wham is best. Sorry. Wait. I got a good one. Win with wham. The ham that came from behind. Oh, my God. Sorry I couldn't get home last night. You must be exhausted. How did it go? Oh, fine, fine. Jim, um, bill dropped in last night. Oh, good for dear old Bill. And, um, he had to stay all night when the bridge was closed. Bridge? I can't seem to find Jim's other bedroom slipper. Oh, hello, Jim. Good morning, Bill. What are you doing in my pajamas and dressing gown? How would I look without them? I just told you, Jim, Bill had to stay all night. Oh, I slept like a rock. How nice. Good morning, folks. It wasn't as bad as it was in Lansdale last night. Wait, wait. Gussie wasn't here last night? Lansdale. They'll be coming for breakfast in a minute. The children weren't here last night, either? Visiting the Williamses. Williamses? If you'll excuse me, I'll slip into something more comfortable. Williamses. Now, Jim, you're upset. There's only one thing on my mind. This house, and how to get rid of it. Anybody who builds a house today is crazy. The minute you start, you're on the all-American sucker list. Every way you turn, they've got a hand in your pocket. If you take out their hands, they find more pockets. It's a conspiracy against every man and woman who want a home of their own. Against every boy and girl who were ever in love. Against every... Excuse me, Mr. Blanney. Well, what do you want, Mr. Desander? We've got our well. $12.86. No. $12.86. Why be a piker, Mr. Desander? Here, take everything I've got. Take my watch, take my keys, my pocket money, my driver's license, my wallet. Take it all. Mr. Blannings, you don't understand. This $12.86, you don't owe me. I owe you. Huh? I've come to overcharge you on the well. Almost three feet. Here's the money. Yeah. Thank you very much, Mr. Desander. Well, I guess it better be getting along. You've got a pretty place here. Take good care of it. Oh, Mr. Desander, could you give me a lift into Lansdale? Yeah. Good. And, Jim, if you want to count the silverware, I'll wait. Be patient with me, Bill. I'll grow up. What happened to him? $12.86. Oh, well, I'll see you around. Ready, Mr. Desander? What a wonderful man, that Desander. Wait, wait. What did she say? If you ain't eating wham, you're... You ain't eating ham. Muriel, give Gussie a $10 raise because that's it. That's our slogan. Jim. We're in. Oh, and Jim, you do love our house, don't you? Uh, Muriel, if I had it to do all over again, if I had to go through all that grief and heartache and bankruptcy and worry again, if I had to mortgage my future and risk my job and my wife and my peace of mind just to wind up with a $48,000 house. Yes. I guess I'd do it. This is Jimmy Wallington speaking. You have just heard the last act of Mr. Blandings builds his dream house, and our stars, Carrie Grant and Betsy Drake with guest screen director H.C. Potter, will be with us in just a moment. He welcomes two more great stars to tell a tale of Hollywood. Our story is the motion picture classic, A Star is Born, and our guests will be Frederick March and Ruth Roman with screen director William Wellman. Now, here again, our Betsy Drake and Carrie Grant. Well, it was a great treat having Mr. Mrs. Blandings played by Mr. Mrs. Grant. Say, Carrie, I understand that you and Betsy have been so busy that you postponed your honeymoon trip until this summer. May I ask where you're going? Oh, yes, you may ask, but you must know I can't help you. Well, all I want to know is will there be a good dance orchestra where you're going? What a peculiar question. Not from Jimmy, it isn't, dear. He wants to know if we need to take along our own music. A Victoria 45 and some 45 dance. Oh, yes, we will, Jimmy, because we're going... Now, Betsy, remember... Oh, dear, I meant to say I'd want a 45 along wherever we went because the music's so marvelous. Betsy, in return for that, I'll stop being so curious. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you a wonderful special offer on the 45. Right now, in honor of the first anniversary of the 45 system, everybody who buys a Victoria 45, the finest automatic phonograph ever made, gets a special album of 10 records right along with it for the usual price of the Victoria 45 alone. Only $29.95. Think that over on your cash register, Carrie. Oh, I can do it on my fingers, Jimmy. That's really saving dough. What's in this special album, Jimmy? Oh, everything. King, Tex Benikey, Sammy Kay, songs by Perry Comal, Alan Jones, Vaughn Monroe, show tunes by Al Goodman, and there's also cool water by the sons of the pioneers. Now, that'd be very appropriate if you were going to the cowboy country. Oh, which is exactly where we... Betsy. Well, wherever you go, the 45 would be a cinch to transport. It's less than a foot square, you know. Oh, yes, we can pack it easily on horseback. Betsy. All lionback, or llamaback, or piggyback. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Well, let's just say about anywhere out of the sun or under the moon, a 45 is the perfect traveling companion. Folks, find out about the special offer at your RCA Victor Dealers. Ladies and gentlemen, Betsy and I have been presented with a grave responsibility. It concerns directors. A particular director. The fellow who created the Mr. Blanding's picture. Come on, Carrie, stop beating around the bush. Well, it's just that we only have a few words to describe and introduce a man who has done so much. So well that... That it takes a woman to sum it all up by saying, Ladies and gentlemen, meet the director of Mr. Blanding's and of such other wonderful pictures as Mr. Lucky, Sharpworn Angel, and the farmer's daughter, Hank Potter. Thank you, Betsy and Carrie. I hope you've encouraged quite a few fearless souls to go out now and start building a dream house. What? Without a director? In your life, Betsy, people don't need directors. Mr. Blanding's would just make believe. Oh, no. You mean some of the things that happened in the picture never happened in real life? Of course not. Yes, Carrie. Oh, this boy is so innocent. But he's such a wonderful director. Now, let's teach him a lesson. Hank, come on out to our place for dinner. Thank you. And bring a saw. And a hammer. And some nails. For dinner? Mr. Potter, you're going to help me? And good night to you, Betsy Drake, Carrie Grant at H.C. Potter. Remember, next Friday, Frederick March and Ruth Roman in The Star is Born with screen director William Wellman brought to you by R.C.A. Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. Mr. Blanding's builds his dream house which presented through the courtesy of R.K.O. Pictures, produces of the Technicolor production The White Tower starring Glenn Thornton Ballet. Carrie Grant will soon be seen as the star and the remake will soon be seen in the title role of the United Artists production, Ellen. H.C. Potter's next picture is the soon-to-be-released Metro Golden Mayor production, The Men of History. The Eric Hodges novel, Mr. Blanding's builds his dream house was adapted for radio by Milton Geiger from the screenplay by Panama and Frank. Portions of tonight's program are transcribed. You're invited to listen again next Friday when R.C.A. Victor presents Screen director's play house, stars, Frederick March, Ruth Roman, production The Star is Born, director William Wellman. Listen next more, Jimmy Blanding The Star is Born The Star is Born The Star is Born The Star is Born