 Jesus also said that a man should pursue his woman and a woman should in return pursue the man and they will become one So when people work on their relationship This is what's going to happen become means process means within certain time they become one Marriage is when a man and a woman becomes as one the trouble starts when they try to decide which one Now this is maybe some humor and all this stuff, but I want you to catch the point Jesus is saying that a marriage people should become one flesh and we know what that means It means that two bodies come together when people are intimate and it becomes one flesh But it also here is a deeper meaning this is the meaning also that it has is the relationship is about two people becoming one a Husband is on lane one a wife is on lane three The goal of Jesus is not for a husband To convince his wife that lane three sucks and Lane one is from God The goal of the wife is not to convince because I can cry loud and manipulate You need to leave your lane one and come to lane three and be just like me Jesus is saying that the purpose of relationship when we work together is that we meet halfway and we negotiate Neither of the parties feel like coming to this decision. I had to lose everything But that both parties feel like I lost 50 But that again other 50 and the other party has the same to lose and the same to win Otherwise relationship works like this There's a dominant person the offer personality who convinces the other person that they're stupid and undeveloped and they say The best version of you is when you become like I want to see you to be more like me And we have a victim and a dominator and more looks like Egyptian slavery than happy marriage when there is a pharaoh and there are slaves When it comes to for example money, I remember when I just got married and by nature. I'm a very frugal person another word for stingy I was very frugal person and my wife she is opposite of that not she wasn't wasteful She didn't have any credit card debts. She didn't have any of that sort didn't have any loans It's the first thing I asked when I was on the date with her whether she had loans or credit card debt And when she said no, I was like happy. I don't care how much money you have saved But the fact you don't have that praise God and so we got married and I'm like, okay She doesn't have any debts will be completely fine when it comes to How we gonna manage our money as we were dating a real is that my wife's taste is extremely high and then she loves Really nice things and doesn't care how much she has to pay for them. And so I thought well It's not a big deal. We're dating once we get married. I'll teach her She will know the importance of money and she will know that we need to save we need to invest and we need to prioritize And we to stop this nonsense of buying everything that's quality We need to buy whatever we can wear with the money that we have right now And so when we got married I decided to roll up my plan, you know I'll give a few books few lessons and then after that slowly, you know, she's gonna mold because well at the end of the day I'm a pastor, you know, and she's gonna listen to me and She did listen to me. She did listen to me But then I saw this also a miserable person who wasn't happy and I saw myself not being a happy person myself Because I wanted my job is to make her happy but at first I thought my job is to make her like me and With time what changed also in my mind when this reality kicked in that I can be more like her and She in return needs to be more like me and When we started to meet halfway and discuss it I know that you want this thing and you know my stance on this What can we do so that you don't feel like you got left out and so that I don't feel like I went on the cross How can we do this so that both of us are meet halfway and when we would meet halfway She would be more like me and I would gladly be more like her for some people it happens in the issue of traveling a Guy is completely travel junkie when he's dating when he got married He becomes a caveman goes into his basement wants to do nothing Doesn't want to see a sunlight and the woman has this traveling like this spirit of traveling always wants to go Somewhere always wants to go somewhere and that's when a guy tries to convince us is you crazy We need to take you for deliveries something is wrong with you And he begins to complain and complain and complain and she begins to treat him as a caveman It says if you want it to be like that then you should marry somebody from 3,000 years ago I want to go explore the world and usually people you may think it's not a big problem It's a big problem because after this comes the money after that comes how to raise kids and everything and people Think the success of marriage is if because I'm dominant I convince you to be more like me or because I can manipulate and maneuver my ways That means I need to push you and bully you into my box God is saying you need to become one not like you and not like him like both of you Where both people lose and both people win because somebody say amen Sometimes one person is gold driven the other person has no goals for life whatsoever their goal is to live happy and The person who has a goals they look at them and say you're the most miserable person I've met in my life How can you be happy when you have no goals? How can you be happy when you have no vision and the person who the only thing in their life is too happy and to enjoy life They look at them when you say you're the most selfish proud Agnostic person I've met the only thing you care is about achieving goals and not about people and Both people are right and both people are wrong and the person who has goals usually thinks I'm smart intelligent Because I read 25 books and I need to convince you who is stupid to become more like me. That's not how it works You need to become more like her. She needs to become more like you There has to be halfway. There has to be negotiation and there has to be Becoming one Amen Let's finish with the last thing that Jesus says as he said what God joined together Let no man separate and what this means is that once people get married They have to realize that the family plays a role They have to realize that when they work on it it will work And they have to realize that the whole purpose of marriage is for both people to change and become more like the other person and lastly is That marriage in your mind has to become permanent and only then all the problems will become temporary When people get married Listen very carefully People have a students two stickers in their mind one sticker is called permanent the other sticker is called temporary When a fight breaks out a conflict breaks out Disagreement breaks out and it seems like there's no resolution and it's been two hours Usually the sticker goes out of their hand that says permanent either permanent marriage or Permanent problem now. This is how usually works When there's a conflict with there's a tension and the person begins to entertain thoughts. I should have not marriage in the first place You know what if this house gonna go I'm leaving You just taped Unmarriage it's temporary and the moment you say that it's temporary Next thing that happens that the other sticker which says permanent goes on the problem Goes on the problem Pay attention to me the moment you label relationship as temporary You've right away label problems as permanent you end the relationship But you don't fix the problem Which goes on to a next relationship until one day you realize I have to switch the labels and Take my person the one that I'm married to by the hand and say you know what at this moment I can't stand your gut You're the most annoying thing in this room right now, but I'm gonna tell you something I'm married to you. I Love you and I will be with you Will never leave you and if you choose to leave. I'm walking right behind you. I will find you and bring you back It's interesting the moment you say exactly these words add your anger add your passion to it Whatever you say these words the moment you say that 50% of temperature in the room drops And then you realize it. Why are we fighting? This is not a big deal. A lot of it is just emotional the way these emotions get fixed if one of the people has a sticker in the right place In your mind when you're married you have to put a sticker on your marriage now. I'm not talking about when there's abuse and faithfulness There's that's different. We're talking about Differences we're talking about conflicts. We're talking about was different opposite opposite things You have to put a sticker on the marriage in your mind says we are not going nowhere Whether it's gonna take us a week a month a year. We are going to solve this problem The only way i'm leaving you is when this problem is solved. But once it's solved i'm gonna stick around Therefore i'm never leaving you will always be with you when you make that in your mind something will happen Your relationship problems will become easier to solve Amen Marriage is where we learn about god Because god is the one who said i give you a family brothers and sisters god is the one who left heaven And he came and was seeking us as sinners and god is the one who says i became like you So you can become like me and god is the one before he left the earth. He said to us I will never leave you We'll never forsake you You guys are gonna be some troublemakers you're gonna make some mistakes I want to let you know when things get bad when things get hard When you fall trip I'm not leaving you I will find you and i will reach you. I will pick you up and i will never abandon you That's where we learn the most about relationships From god