 Good morning, Pastor. Good morning. Good morning, everybody. Good to see all of you. Hope you're all doing well. Good morning. So welcome to all of you to our next class. I hope all of you are doing well and keeping blessed. Yeah. And welcome to all the e-learning students as well. So glad that each of us are learning together, joining in. Slowly people are coming. That's nice. Okay. All right. We are into our eighth week. We've passed eight weeks of our class. How time flies, isn't it? Yeah. I think just a quick announcement is for the online students as well as the e-learning students, the assessment has been posted. It was posted last week. Online students, you have time till 7th of March to complete your assessment. And I request all of you to please do that before your due date. Whereas for the online, sorry, the e-learning students, you have till the end of the course to complete it. That is just in case there are people joining in between the sessions, you still have an opportunity to complete your assessment by the end of the course. That is the end of April. But all the students here who are online here with me, your due date is on the 7th of March. It is posted here on the classwork and on the stream. So just go ahead and complete your assessments. It is being looked into manually. So I had a couple of questions of why the marks were not released. I shall release the marks once everybody has or after the due date, I shall release it all together. But they will be manually looked into. So even maybe at times you may feel your answers right but something, you know, you haven't got the marks or you've got additional marks. Don't worry, it's going to be looked into manually by me and the marks are going to be allotted accordingly. Okay. So I think there are just, I think, five of you when I looked last who've completed it. Please ensure that you do it. Otherwise, you know, this counts for your final grade. So kindly ensure that you take a look at it and it's really, really easy. I'm sure those who've done it will tell you it's really easy to do. Okay. All right. So anyone would like to quickly help me with what we did the last time? What what did we focus on during our last class? We had a good role play last week. If we remember we tried to bring about the stage of exploration and that I think was pretty helpful for all of us who were there. Yeah. So anyone would like to bring about what we discussed last week? Quickly in two minutes. I have a silent class, pin drop silence. You know, this is the time when you're actually in class and the teacher asks a question you will find students looking down. You know, here you have the screens to cover you. So you don't have to look down. You can boldly look at my face. Yeah. So who would like to Okay. Someone said Avni, I think Yeah. Okay. Someone said we looked at brother Samuel's case study. That's right. And we, Avni says, we did self understanding and action. Yes, we looked at goals. We looked at smart goals. Okay. Good. Good. I'm so glad that there are some of us who are thinking or at least who's looking back at the notes and trying to figure out what we did last time. So good. Anything else? Anything else? Okay. That was, I think, the previous class. That was the previous class. The foreign objects. I think you've missed we're not an emotional hold this. We're at Christian counseling today. Okay. Yeah. No, no problem. Just a familiar face for a double subject can happen. Okay. Anything else? Anyone else? What else did we learn? Initiating intervention to reach desired goals. Yes. The third phase where we spoke about, you know, action points where we get into action. Yes. Absolutely. That's good. Okay. Anything more? Anything else anyone can think of that we've done? Okay. All right. So that's good. That's something at least we've kind of jogged our memory. Okay. So we're going to go on to the part of, we looked at the process. What are the stages that take place in the counseling process. Today we're from now to a couple of weeks ahead. We are going to be looking at what are the skills a counselor uses to ensure that this process of self exploration self understanding of action takes place in the counseling. So what are some of the skills that a counselor needs to have in order to get the person to move from a place of a problem to a place of finding their solution. Okay. And what are the tools and the techniques or the skills that we use in order to get the counseling to that place. So that's what we are going to start off from today. And this is what we call as micro skills. Okay. Just give me a minute. Let me, I'm just going to sorry. I'm just going to share my screen. Sorry, sorry. Apologies. Just give me a minute. I think I'm facing some confusion. I'm not sure this is not for some reason. Are you able to hear me because my screen seems to be stuck. Yes, ma'am. All right. I'm just going to log out and I'm going to log in. Okay. I think there's something wrong with my system. I'm just going to log out and log in. I'll be back. Are you able to see if I screen right now? Yes, first. We're going to be looking at the like I said, we looked at the process of what happens in counseling, the stages that happen in counseling. And we're going to be looking at skills that a counselor needs to use for counseling to move from that phase of exploration to a place of action. And that's what we call as as you can see here is what is called as micro skills. Okay. Now what is that counseling relationship? We've been talking about the counseling relationship. We also said that there are certain attributes that is required in the counseling relationship. Now this relationship really talks of what a counselor and a counselor share. And it is the quality and the strength of the connection that the counselor and the counselor shares. That's what a counseling relationship is. So when you look at a counseling relationship it consists of two things. Okay. Sorry there's something wrong with my screen and that's where the half the words are also not there for some reason. Okay it's the counselor's relationship with the counseling. Okay. So that's the word there. I apologize there's something going on here. Yeah. So the counselor's relationship with the counseling is one part and the counselor's relationship with the counselor is the other part of it. And what is it that you see in between or what goes on in the midst of this is something is what we call as micro skills. Okay. Now to give you an explanation of what micro skills is. I'm just going to take you to my next slide. Okay. Right. Okay. Now if let's take an example of what we do mean by micro skills. For example, let's suppose the engine of your vehicle stopped. The engine of your car has stopped. So what would you need to get it working again? You're going somewhere and it stops in the middle of the road. You need something to get it working again. Okay. So the first thing probably you will need is someone who is skilled to work on your car. So somebody like a mechanic, maybe you'll call someone or you'll try and find and locate a mechanic to come in and have a look at your car. Right. This guy will need to have the right kind of tools or let's say you don't need a mechanic. You're the one who's there. You may require the right kind of tools to open the engine and work on whatever is going on. You're looking at maybe certain loose wires or certain parts or something that you need to do to ensure that you get the car back working. The third thing you will need is some conditions. You need to activate certain conditions in order for your car to start working. Maybe you need to charge your battery or you may need to add some distilled water or probably there isn't a petrol. So you need to take your car through some kind of a conducive condition to get it to start working. Okay. Now similarly, this is what microskills is like. The first thing is a counselor needs to have certain skills that is necessary in order to build that counseling relationship. So you need to have those basic foundational skills that is required to build a relationship and to help the person go from A point to a B point. You also need certain tools on what the outcome the tools that you use is dependent on the outcome the outcome is dependent on the tools. So you need certain tools to ensure that you allow the person to go from A to B. And you also need to create certain conditions which bring about those positive changes in the counseling. So when we look at microskills, it's a set of skills. It's a set of tools that you use and it's also bringing about a certain environment or a condition that helps your counseling move from a certain place to another place. So why is microskills used? It is used in order to help build a good relationship and engage the counseling in the sessions that are that will turn to be helpful. So it is used mainly and importantly to build a good relationship and to engage them in those sessions. And who uses it? It's used by the counselor to improve the communication to improve the ability for the counseling to explore, to understand and to come to a place of action. And to give you a definition of it, what is it? They are observable actions of the counselor that appear to affect a change in the session. It's just not actions. What we mean by actions, it has a lot to do with not just what you do but even what you say, how you behave. So it is an all-encompassing word when you look at actions. They are observable. Things that you consciously do or you consciously say consciously are in a state of being that helps the counselor to come into a positive sense of a change. So there are different kinds of micro skills that we are going to be learning through the next couple of weeks. And I've labeled four but we're going to be looking at I think there's also the fifth one. So the first one is the attending skills we're looking at, which is what we're going to be doing today. Personalizing skills, the skills of questioning, the skills of influencing or facilitating and personalizing skills. So these are the five skills that we will look into over detail. All of these skills focus on, as I was saying not just your words but on the way that you are alongside your counseling on the way that you respond on the way that you add how you question them in the way that you bring about certain influential ways of helping them to think to bring about different perspectives. These are all what micro skills are about. So we're going to be looking at the first one today and that's what we call as attending skills. I hope we are there and just a little concerned because this are we all on the call? Yes, ma'am. Okay, great. Thank you. So we're going to be looking at attending skills today. So what do you look at the word attending and tell me what do you think it means? What do you mean to attend? What's the meaning of attend? Listening here to who is speaking to be there to be consciously attentive. Okay, to be attentive to be there to give a listening here to just to be present. Okay, so it is just not being present in body but being present in your in your observation in your mind, in your body it's being present. So the word attend very, very simple word, you know, like how it comes from the word of paying attention. So that's what you do. That's what that's what it means. It means to attend or to to focus on on a person. Okay, so when we look at the purpose of attending skills it is encouraging it is your the counselor is in an environment or is in a place or is in a state of attention or being that encourages the counseling to talk. Okay, and shows that the counselor is interested in what's being said. So that's the purpose of attending skills that two things two fold one it encourages them to talk and it shows that you are interested in what is going on. Okay, sorry, yeah. So when is it used attending skills is used throughout the entire counseling process. Okay, it's not something that you know it's not just like you attend to them only when they walk into the room but you're also attending to them as they are as they're speaking throughout the entire process specially very important during the initial stages of establishing rapport. Now that's remember you know the your first impression is your best impression you've heard of that right so now this is not to make an impression but it is to demonstrate to the counseling that you are interested that you are glad that they have come that you are there to be as a helping partner with them. Okay, so although it is used through the entire counseling process it is mainly important during the stages of the initial rapport building. What does it mean like we said it means paying attention to what the counseling again that word's been missing. Okay, what the counseling is saying and doing or what is being said and what is being done by the counseling. Okay, so it's paying attention to what the counseling is doing. Now when we look at attending skills there are three ways or three kinds that three ways or three yeah maybe three types is what I probably just put that as kinds of attending. Okay, so you attend non-verbally and verbally you attend by listening and you attend by observing. Now we will go through each of this in detail. So attending is not just what you say but it's also what you don't say so that would a lot mean by your own body language. Attending is by listening attending also is by observing. Like for example there are many times that you can just observe something and when you make a comment or when you make a response you know that you're being paid attention to right. So in counseling especially we are looking at these three types or these three ways of how one can attend. So when we attend non-verbally and verbally what does this mean? This refers to and I think it's just easier way to remember think of it as three V's and one B. Three V's and one B. The three V's being visual, vocal verbal plus the person's body language. So like we said an attending behavior is supporting your counseling with ways that are individually appropriate also culturally appropriate. So I think that's something that we need to also be careful about depending on the kind of culture that we come from and how we manage to attend people. Like for example in some cultures a handshake is not something that is that may be culturally very appropriate. So for example in India there may be certain groups of people especially women will not extend their hands for a handshake. And so we've got to be culturally careful and understanding when we actually make that sense when we progress into a behavior like that. Now these three V's and B's what are these aspects really emphasize? They emphasize that certain gestures or certain actions or things that we say help in building a relationship in being able to create a sense of a bond to the counseling. So let's move with the first V which is a visual which is the eye contact. And this is fairly simple and this I'm sure we've learned in different stages of life as to how what we need to do. So paying attention one of the things we need to do is maintaining a good eye contact. Maintaining a good eye contact. What does it convey? It conveys interest. It conveys involvement. It conveys confidence in the story of the counseling. So a good eye to eye contact really helps to ensure that someone is listening. Now that doesn't mean you stare. That doesn't mean you have to keep your eyes so focused on them that you can't look left or right. It doesn't mean that. So you have a healthy way of building that kind of contact. So the eye contact is needed so much so that you give natural breaks in your eye contact. Now why is that necessary is I think it helps the counseling not to feel so intimidated that someone is looking deep into their eyes. For also the understanding that there may be counselors who have difficulty with just maintaining eye to eye contact with that kind of a closeness that they may feel. So what you're doing is you're demonstrating attention when you are speaking to the counseling but also not making them feel uncomfortable. So that's why you have natural breaks in your eye contact. There should be more of an ebb and flow as you collect your thoughts and listen to their stories. So as you listen and while you're talking you can look somewhere else and then look back so it doesn't look that intimidating. It's good to even when you are talking to your counseling to notice those breaks in eye contact in the counseling because sometimes you find that they may tend to look away when they are discussing certain topics or they may kind of close their eyes or they may be looking down. It suggests it helps you understand many things. So looking for that also gives you clues about what probably are things that they may be finding difficult to share. Now while listening what we kind of sometimes follow is the triangle. So although it's great to maintain that eye contact when you talk to a person however like I said it can become uncomfortable and that is if you tend to just deeply focus into their eyes. So to combat this there's something called as the triangle. So you break eye contact every five seconds or so and when breaking the eye contact it's better you don't look down because it may look as if you're a little flustered or getting a little nervous. What you can do is often looking towards the side as if you're remembering something rather than looking down. So another way of doing that is to be able to focus on a triangle that is from one eye to the other eye to the chin back to one eye to the other eye to the chin. So then you will find that that can become quite relaxing I mean a lot of people have asked me what are you going to do? Are you going to be listening to them or are you going to be doing this triangle? But I think that happens and that will come pretty naturally as you continue to do some of that to practice that. Also to be sensitive in how you express eye contact across cultures and genders. So being careful of how you do that. Especially when it is towards an opposite gender. So that it doesn't one become uncomfortable or it doesn't seem as if it's false or it's put on. So that's what we look at at the first V which is visual. The second is vocal. Now you may be wondering why is it so important to focus on these things? I can't tell you enough the power of some of these skills. Just the reason why I'm saying this is because in the last two years I've done a lot of telephone sessions and a lot of online sessions. And when you're in a space like this you don't have the physical presence to help your councillor experience the warmth or the concern or the care that you would like to show them. And all that you have is maybe your face and you have your voice. And of course the words you use are different that we'll come to later. And the very fact that God's given you a voice that can actually help create a sense of soothing or a sense of feeling more relaxed especially when the councillor seems very agitated or very held up or extremely overwhelmed is a good thing. It's a making use of that. And you'd understand and you'd know that your emotions are something that is conveyed via your tone of voice. Your excitement can come from your tone of voice or just for the fact that you're being empathetic, that you're there I don't know if you figure that in I'm trying to modulate my voice for you to see that you convey a lot through your voice. Your pitch, the pacing, the volume can all have such an effect on how a councillor responds emotionally back to you. So your voice can do so much to help create that sense of soothing that sense of regulating those overwhelming emotions that they have. And what you're attempting to do is you're attempting to communicate that warmth and interest of boredom or a lack of caring. And I'm sure a lot of you all have been witness to this when I'm not against doctors at all I think they're great at their jobs but they are sometimes so overworked that you don't feel a connection. They may be excellent at their skill or at their diagnosis or at a better outcome but a relational skill is something very often I see doctors missing. You know just that ability to calm and to assure you and a lot of times patients come back saying half my illness went away when I spoke to the doctor I'm sure you're am I resonating with you all or am I just going off on a tangent? Yes, no. Everything is fine faster Thank you. So it's important to know that especially in counseling that becomes your voice is like often that is used as a tool to help. So keeping care about that it really depends on what your counseling is talking about then you kind of modulate your pitch your pace and your volume. Now silence often can be a very powerful tool as well. I think counselors when they just begin to start they feel a sense of pressure that there shouldn't be any silence in that 45 minutes one hour that I'm talking there shouldn't be any silence. Something or the other should keep going because that's how we are so wired that unless somebody is talking or communicating there is something that is absent. A silence can be very, very useful. I have a lot of counselors who take at least a good 10 seconds before they can bring out their next line. So they will say something and they will pause and then they will say something and they will pause. So do not be pressured one to fill that up the fill the silence allow the silence. Even at times maybe when they are extremely emotionally overwhelmed and somebody's sobbing someone's crying that becomes a powerful tool to just help them see through that and encouraging them to bring out those emotions. Remember they are showing the emotions here because they find it a safe place and often you will have counselors telling you I am sorry that I cried I am so sorry that I broke down and I always encourage them I said I am encouraging you to do that and I know that is a release for you so please go ahead and bring those emotions out if you need to cry for a couple of minutes I am here just to help and to support you through that so silence can be a very powerful therapeutic tool. There is something called as verbal underlining what is this it is an emphasis to certain words or phrases that they are trying to convey. They may be saying it was really difficult and it helps saying that I can see that really difficult wasn't it it sounds like it something that just helps to give an emphasis to some words or to certain phrases that they may be saying now you don't have to parrot it after every sentence it is really done at a time when maybe they are really talking about something that is that is strongly that they feel difficult about the next one is verbal tracking now verbal is of course what you use as words now when we look at verbal one of the key skills in verbal attending is tracking that is you are following the counselling stories the goal of verbal tracking is to keep the dialogue going where the client leads rather than where you want to go okay so when they are talking and they are going through like for example the counsellor is telling you all about his home okay and they are going off on that this is how my father is this is how my mother is and this is how I am and this is how an issue is and they are taking it there and suddenly maybe you interject and say how do you feel it work okay so remember that story has stopped halfway and you have kind of begun the something else now this is important usually at the beginning of counselling because this is a period or a time where the counsellor is making their first impression of you as a counsellor and often we see that counsellors in training begin to start formulating this question in their mind regarding the counsellor counsellor's stories and actually miss the real dialogue that can maybe prove helpful in understanding their true stories okay so ensure that you go along with the story of the counsellor now often you know in initial sessions your counsellor should be doing most of the talking of about like we said 80% and 20% is left to the counsellor this skill of verbal tracking is picking up where counsellors leave off so often you know what counsellors do is they pause or they complete part of their stories and you know so you often need to resist that temptation to ask too many questions or redirect the stories until you know the counsellors have had the opportunity to fully and completely have having spoken about it okay and the best way to do that is to stay focused and urge them to continue using this thing called as minimal encourages and that is uh-huh yeah okay right now these are ways that you're saying yeah I'm with you go on and I'm sure a lot of us use this okay but it is to uh ensure that you stay on topic um with the counsellor and not interrupt or change those topics abruptly okay so this is something that that again is is important um do we have any questions up until now I think it's fairly simple but any yes yes she sorry I just wanted to give a contribution pertaining to focus on the eye I just had another um perspective to that that sometimes when you don't want to look too much on the eye I was taught years ago during when I was prepped for an interview that I could just look at the nose of the interviewer it will look it will look like I see my eye is on the I'm having eye contact so you can switch bit from the eyeball to the nose to the tip of the nose of who you're talking to and then go back again to the eye if you want to take breaks just just an addition I think to what you've told her thank you yeah yeah thank you Shea that's exactly what the triangle is either the eyes or the sorry the nose or the mouth yes absolutely that's right uh yes Samuel um so I can't help but think um how much of this it's a broader question then then um the process of attending which is um I am imagining when um councillors come there is sort of skepticism that they hold as well like will this person really be able to understand or help me like you know sometimes when we go to a doctor we have certain skepticism we tend to look at credentials we tend to look at how the doctor is talking to us his tone of voice confidence and all that and while we're doing all of this while maintaining eye contact using silence using body language I'm thinking the things that are happening inside the mind which is almost like a mind game sorry for using that but that's something that keeps coming as a councillor I'm trying to I'm trying to get the councillor to say what like the really the core of the thing and the councillor is probably saying okay let this person bring it out or I don't know so just that that tug of war that does that happen like is that I want to say that that probably is happening so so I think the the point of struggle is while this person is here with me sharing the space and things would be a lot easier if we just collaborated and said like we're on the same team and let's tackle the problem versus it's almost like a tug of war where you know like I give something you take something I give something so that where it's like it's almost like playing a chess with the councillor so that and how do you overcome get past that where it's not me versus the councillor but it's us versus the problem so what your attempt now I think I'd make a comment on what you said first yes there are a large number of people who are coming with huge skepticism as to see what am I going to face here or what are you going to bring differently from what I've tried earlier okay so yes you will have a large number of people coming with that kind of a mindset yet you will have those who come in here who are more than willing to just find a space to bear you out okay now I think the initial contact becomes very crucial because they're trying you out in the sense of they're trying to see whether this person fits my bill okay and when you are attending what you are doing is saying I am not in a one up position from you I and you are working together now when does the person feel one up is when you're kind of you know you're suggesting okay tell me whatever is your problem the problem comes like a symptom list or like a complain list and there isn't anything outside of the problem that the either the council or the helper is connecting to like often you would see in a doctor's office what is your complaint okay you have a headache you have this you have that you have this go take that there is nothing else about you know maybe a sense of encouragement a sense of care or sense of don't worry we have it handled or you know you've come at the right time I'm sure this has been hard for you but you know I want to you know just stay hopeful now all of that is this what we are calling as attending in lay terms so that becomes very crucial for the council to drop their guard and when you're attending you're not doing it just to win over the council yes that is part of it that is you're attempting to build a rapport so that they know that they have a space where they can be completely honest and open and direct about what they're going through rather than staying guarded okay and one way of doing that is while you are attending you are showing them that hey I am not the expert of your life you are the expert of your life and that's why I want to understand what you know of yourself okay so that alongside with you I can you and I can work together to find out you know we can partner together participate together to find out what are the right choices for you okay or you're showing them that you know at the end you're responsible for the choices that you make but I'm here to support you so this attending becomes extremely important to do just for one for them to drop their guard for them to just feel a sense of ease within this new relationship and for a sense to know that you know I've come to a place where I can at least voice out what I'm going through so that's why that it that's what attending actually does it isn't something that you're doing to just win over the client the counseling you're doing this for these reasons that I did mention also I hope I answered that Samuel you did you did pass it to Samil I can't have it I'm thinking Samil sorry I lost you Samuel okay I think we lost Samuel or am I lost am I audible yes pastor yes you are I think we lost Samuel all right okay so we'll go on and maybe hear from him once he's back okay so the next we spoke about the three V's and we're talking about the one B right now it's that's the B is the body language now what is the body language the body language is where you describe what is described as the whatever you see non verbally whatever you see the non verbal messages that you sent to the client to the counseling through your posture through the gestures through your facial expressions through your appearance and all of this conveys your interest and your involvement okay and often when when you demonstrate a positive body language through either a relaxed posture or a steady eye contact or certain nods of the head or an occasional smile or you know a happy expression when you do that it really helps in connecting to the other person and you know even like for example we do okay yeah that's there the example of mirroring okay what does mirroring mean is that the kind of posture or the or the appearance when I mean by appearance not what he's wearing but the kind of seating position or the you know the way that he's probably kept his arms open or you know being sitting back kind of helps you also figure out that you know number one you get to understand and observe what's going on there but when you mirror it like when they seem relaxed you also seem a lot more relaxed when they tend to lean forward and talk to you you also show that intensity that kind of helps to create a sense of openness and a sense of being just assisting them to to either relax or to include in their set of skills some kind of a non-verbal behavior that you're showing okay and often this begins with the counselor being able to create a sense of a relaxed posture so when you yourself adopt a relaxed or a relaxed posture or you know you tend to lean slightly forward showing your interest or you use good gestures like like head nods or you know your brows your eyebrows going cross when she is talking about something cross or you know your face lightening up when they are saying something that really helps to help the client to continue the conversation okay so to be able to do that you know to be able to have a command over your own body language and being able to also attend to the body language of the other person really works now physical distance I think physical it is good and it is appropriate that there is some kind of a comfortable distance between you and your counseling I mean you know not sitting too close or standing too close often an arms length is what is generally even for normal interactions you don't like someone you know standing right across your face but then you know you have a certain distance as you are talking to them so all of this although looks really simple but I think can bring about a whole lot of difference in the way that that you attend to them okay yeah so you adopting a relaxed attentive body posture leaning forward slightly using good gestures having an appropriate physical appearance I think even to be not too flashily dressed or not too shabbily dressed but being appropriate in the way that you dress having a certain sense of physical distance and mirroring as I spoke about okay so one of the things that you know and you will find this in a lot of places is generally for attending non-verbally you use this acronym called a solar which is S is sitting squarely facing the person okay O is to have a non-defensive body posture L is leaning slightly towards the counseling I is a good eye contact and R is a relaxed and a comfortable way of being seated okay so this is something again that's quite general but fairly helpful to work through okay so before we close for a break let's probably just take an example and you know I want to open this out to y'all to figure out how is it that y'all would like to I think we are way of time okay we're 10 50 okay good alright so shall we come back and the slide I'm going to leave the slide on so you can just probably think about how is it that you're going to respond to Tina okay it's an example that we have so let's just look at how we're going to respond to Tina and we're going to come back and there are going to be some of us who are going to actually respond to Tina okay through first person responses alright okay my clock shows 10 51 we'll be back at 11 1 so you can go grab your coffee and come back