 what's up everybody so yeah those of you who aren't paying attention i made an apology video because i'm sorry for bombarding you with videos this weekend that are a little bit different but anyways i wrote a book and a lot of people who watch youtube don't read books so the series of videos i'm releasing this video it's nothing that i i didn't talk about months ago it's just a lot of people didn't read the book so do me a favor um in each of these videos and they're all in my cancel culture playlist if you want to check them all out but anyways in each of the videos check the description because i ask of you that you read just one specific chapter is very short it's only three or four pages because i i do leave some people anonymous where i can i do not condone online hate mobs and being nasty to people so if you figure out who i'm talking about and any of the videos where i leave this person anonymous like i don't want you in my community all right form your own opinions i'm merely sharing my side of the story taking back my narrative and hoping that some of you can learn from this because this story i'm gonna share with you all right is it's about it's it's just one of the many people one of the many people where i i felt that i i gave them a lot and when the hate mob came after me they just completely turned on me this person still says nasty things about me on twitter and i just want to share my side of things because it's it's pretty hurtful and i know some of you have dealt with this as well where you've done nothing but try to be a good friend or help somebody out and then all of a sudden they just turn on you so again with all these videos i hope you take a lesson away from them but like i said i know a lot of people did not read my book so a few of the videos i'm releasing this weekend are going to be chapters from my book so here's the audio version and my book the ebook version is free until monday october first and the audio book is linked down in the description below if you want to check that out all right see you in the next video chapter 24 there's actually one more person i need to tell you about who i considered a friend who would later turn on me there was a creator who my girlfriend absolutely loved he made the type of content we liked and she had been binge watching his channel for weeks she told me that he uploaded more frequently in that niche than any of the other creators we watched and she said that he reminded her of me so she thought i'd like him i subscribed to his channel but i didn't find the time to watch his videos so one day i was doing a live stream and all of a sudden this creator showed up in there he thanked me for the videos i made on borderline personality disorder because he had an ex with it who hurt him really badly and he said my videos helped him understand just a little bit more i remember freaking out when he showed up in the live stream because my girlfriend was moderating that stream i told him how much my girlfriend loved his channel and that i had been meaning to check it out too he was blown away that i knew who he was so we were both being fanboys over each other we ended up following each other on twitter and i decided to finally check out his channel now i'm going to leave him anonymous but i feel i need to explain the genre he's in so you understand why i felt like he'd be a good person to have as a friend i try my best to be a good judge of character because back in the day i had a ton of shitty friends who screwed me over so i do my best to get a good read on people and find out if they'd be decent to talk to he had a reddit channel and my girlfriend and i fell in love with those channels from watching a channel called sorrow tv what i liked about this creator was not only was he consistent and funny but he took a different angle most reddit channels just talked shit about the reddit posts in a funny way but this creator was far more empathetic when he read from r slash nice guys post he tried to empathize he'd even make videos making fun of how he used to be with women and how awful he was i liked that because i could relate i used to be really lame with women so i respect men who also figure that out at some point too and decide to become better people so we ended up talking quite a bit in twitter dms and getting to know each other he had a lot of emotional issues so i tried to do what i do for everyone which is just be there for him and provide suggestions if i think i could help this creator specifically struggled with a lot of self-esteem issues whether that stemmed from his previous abusive relationship or not i don't know he had a lot of issues with confidence as well although his channel was two or three times the size of my channel he felt like he hadn't accomplished much i ended up becoming someone who he could tell all of his problems to and listen i say this not to make myself look better either it's just what i was taught to do for other people helping others helps me too but this is also one of the reasons it hurt so much when he eventually turned on me i'd regularly open my dms from him and i'd be flooded with messages about the self-esteem issues he was struggling with and i'd always remind him that he was a badass and making great content and people loved him so back in the day i used to be a massive hater i hated all of the people who were doing better than i was but along my journey i learned that someone else's success doesn't take away from mine once i realized that things completely changed and i legitimately get so happy when others succeed if you want to know what makes me happier than anything on earth it's seeing people do something they love and if they can make a living off of it it's even better one of the things this creator would talk to me about was that his channel wasn't monetized by youtube which absolutely blew my mind on youtube in order to get monetized all you need is 1000 subscribers and 4 000 hours of watch time in a year this guy had over 200 000 subscribers and probably millions of hours of watch time but he wasn't monetized and it made no sense because of his confidence issues he hadn't really been bugging youtube and i was like you know what fuck that and i personally tweeted at youtube multiple times tagging him like yo how come my boy ain't monetized i felt awful that he was doing so well on youtube and had this awesome fanbase who watched a ton of videos but he was making no money from it because of this he had to work some crappy job that he hated and it sucked so i talked to him and i convinced him to create other streams of revenue to allow his audience to support the channel if they wanted to he didn't want to do patreon because he felt like he didn't have anything of value to offer them in return but i convinced him to sell some merch my girlfriend is an amazing artist and she designs all of my merch she loved him and his channel and she was glad we became friends so she offered to design his merch for free he had looked at her instagram page and loved her style so it was a match made in heaven she ended up designing a shirt for him which he absolutely loved but i'm not sure how many sold but he was extremely grateful for our help he's actually the person who introduced me to primake's channel i think him and primake became friendly because they both made some content about a creator who may have been abusing children by now you're probably putting the pieces together as to why our relationship fell apart too when primake came out with his exposed video on me this creator felt stuck between a rock and a hard place and i empathize with him if memory serves me correctly i think after primake's first video this creator and i still communicated but we started talking less he felt that primake brought up some quote-unquote good points and that i wasn't that good of a person again this confused the hell out of me because my content hadn't changed this creator loved my channel and how i used youtubers to teach people about mental health he told me about how my videos about trisha patis helped him better understand bpd so you can imagine how confused i was because he didn't have a problem with me until someone else influenced him to have a problem with me later when everything blew up this guy completely ghosted me it hurt it fucking hurt a lot although i give freely of myself as best as i can and try to give without expecting anything in return i think most people would be hurt by this i spent hours upon hours upon hours talking with this guy trying to help him with his self-esteem and confidence issues i tried to help him get over his abusive relationship my girlfriend and i felt bad he wasn't making money so we helped him generate some income from his channel on top of that the last thing i helped him work through was the fall of his discord server he had a server for his community and everything went sideways so he had to shut it down he's a good guy so we felt awful that he had to shut it down he felt bad because that was a place where many people made connections with others and developed friendships unfortunately as with many discord servers some bad actors can ruin it for everyone so i talked to him many times and explained that he shouldn't feel bad and then i tried to help him come up with some other ideas for his audience since he had to shut the server down like i said earlier i have massive trust issues when it comes to making friends and this messed me up i thought i was a good judge of character and that this guy would be right or die with me because we had so many serious vulnerable talks unfortunately that wasn't the case it's like all of it meant nothing to him and he had no problems switching his view of me this is something that confused me throughout my canceling it makes perfect sense that strangers believe rumors and develop the opinion that you're an awful person because they've never met you it was people like this who met me and knew all the time and effort i put into our relationship but then they turned on me that's what confused me it just doesn't make sense did people like him just really think that i was that good at pretending to care did he somehow think i was using him here's the last conversation we had where he gave me the benefit of the doubt but it seems like with all the other people who watched the video facts didn't matter he said i'm definitely interested to hear what you have to say man i do really think that you're a good guy that wants to spread a message about taking care of your mental health to as many people as possible i really have to wonder if people like this ever think about me months later and wonder if i might not be as bad as they thought this is something that i think about often what's going on in their mind i've done nothing but be kind compassionate and giving but for some reason he and many others who knew me now think i'm a terrible person oftentimes you need actions as evidence that a person you were friends with has done something terrible but in this case and many others this creator has never been hurt by me but he's been helped quite a bit now fast forward to july when i went to vidcon and started writing this book although i haven't talked to him in a while and don't follow his channel i saw him post on instagram that he was there too i left a comment and then i sent him this dm hey dude i know it's been a while since we've talked but if you want to chill for a bit and catch up while we're both at vidcon let me know he never replied i get it i know him and i know he hates confrontation but as you've learned i'm more than happy to have conversations with people and work things out unfortunately he didn't want that and i wasn't going to track him down and force him to talk to me throughout the event i was nervous that i'd bump into him knowing that he probably saw the message and ignored it i started to chill out a bit knowing that he was probably a thousand times more nervous than me because he doesn't like confrontation at the end of the day i don't hate the guy i feel bad for him i know he has a lot of issues that he deals with and i hope he's doing well much like everyone else he's doing the best he can with what he's got he may have been raised to avoid confrontation and it's never learned to resolve issues through meaningful conversations i don't know i hope for his sake that this is something that he'll eventually overcome because i think it'll help him have better relationships in the future lastly would i be friends with him again probably it would seem like he felt remorseful for bailing on me like that then i'd definitely give him another chance i'd be more guarded for a bit and wouldn't be as invested until we build some trust again but he's not a bad person so i forgive him