 Family Theater presents Gene Lockhart, Kathleen Crowley, Rita Johnson, and Claude Aikens. From Hollywood, the mutual network in cooperation with Family Theater presents the fable of the perfect princess starring Gene Lockhart, Kathleen Crowley, Rita Johnson, and Claude Aikens. Family Theater's only purpose is to bring to everyone's attention a practice that must become an important part of our lives. If we are to win peace for ourselves, peace for our families, and peace for the world. Family Theater urges you to pray, pray together as a family. And now to our transcribed drama, the fable of the perfect princess starring Gene Lockhart as the king, Kathleen Crowley as the princess, Rita Johnson as the queen, and Claude Aikens as Sir William. Once upon a time, in a far-off country, a baby was born. Nothing so strange about that, you might say, and you'd be right. Except that this baby was the firstborn of a very important king. Would you like to see your heir, your majesty? Yes, yes. Oh, cute little Dickens, isn't he? Here, let me hold the little tot. Careful, careful. I think I'll name him after me, Albert II. He'll be as fine a king as I am. But your majesty, didn't you know this child will never be king? No, it's a girl. A girl, that's nice. A girl? Well, what if she is a girl? By George, I'll see to it that she's the wisest, most intelligent princess that ever lived, so that when the time comes, she'll be as good a ruler as the people could want. And King Albert was true to his word. In fact, the people were so proud of her they'd spend great amounts of their time just talking about this princess, who was as beautiful as any girl had ever been, and much, much more intelligent. And whenever a grand ball was held, knights would come hundreds of miles to pay their respects and have a try at capturing her heart. But no matter how hard they tried, not a one of them ever did, till one night. And this your majesty is? Oh, yes, of course, Sir Gledion. You remember me, your majesty? Most certainly. I think the occasion was the grand ball eight years ago. I heard about your accident, Sir Gledion. You fell from a bridge in full armor. Oh, how are you feeling? Why, aside from a slight ringing sensation, quite well. And Sir William from one of the western kingdoms? Sir William, wasn't it... No, no, ma'am, you've never met me. Well then, I'm pleased to have this opportunity. It's mutual, I'm sure. Well, if you'll excuse me, I'd better be getting long. Bye, George. You're not staying for the party? Oh, no, ma'am, I'm not much at parties. Gled, nice meeting you, princess. I say, he seems really to be leaving. What an extraordinary thing to do. From all accounts, your highness, Sir William is not a very ordinary young man. No, no, he certainly isn't. What else did you find out about him, mother? Well, he arrived only three days ago, and it seems he's very famous. He's 28 years old, male, and has no hobbies. Or at least if he has, they aren't listed. You don't want his clothing sizes. Oh, doesn't it say anything about whether he's married or engaged? No, it doesn't. Well, we'll just have to find out. We'll have to find out. I don't see what you see of him. When there are so many kings and princesses around here, just begging you to look their way. That's just it. He's so, so different. He's the first man I've met since I was 15 who hasn't proposed. Well, maybe he's married. That's what you'll have to help me find out. Well, I don't know about this. Oh, please. What do you want me to do? Well, he knows me, but he doesn't know you. So if you'll just... Oh, oh boy. Oh, stand still. Good morning. Oh, good morning. It's a fine-looking horse you've got there. Thank you. A gift from your wife, perhaps? I got him as a Christmas bonus a couple years ago. Oh. What's his name? His name? We hasn't got a name. No name? What do you call him? Horse, mostly. That's rather strange. Not at all. You see, this way everything's on an impersonal basis, strictly business. Chances are, if we were friends, we'd always be imposing on each other. Oh. So you just call him horse? Horse. Was it your wife's idea? My idea. Nice morning, isn't it? Looks bright. Well, most mornings are. I meant your horse. He seems to be very intelligent. Is this the horse on which you've performed all your deeds of bravery? Just doing my job. I never had time to be afraid, so I guess there's not much bravery involved. Oh. Never, never been afraid. Well, just once when I was on a fishing trip over in Scotia, I ran into a thing they called the Loch Ness Monster. Then you were afraid. For your lady, I suppose. By myself. Fishing trip. I was just afraid for a minute, and then I got mad. He upset my boat and made me lose and I guess late traps you ever saw it was this long. Oh, my. And someday I'm going to go back and knock his teeth out. The fish? No, the monster. I suppose the tail would make a fine prize for your lady. No. You don't have a lady? The thing didn't have a tail. Oh. I seem to remember it having a head at each end. Well, I suppose you could take back something to your wife a sweetheart. He had horns, didn't he? Yep. All over. Well, one of them would make a nice trophy for a loved one. Maybe. But I don't really have any loved ones. No wife or anything? Oh, that's splendid. What do you mean? Ha ha. Look, ma'am, I've enjoyed talking with you and all that. Believe me, I don't mean to be rude, but don't you think you're a little old for me? Oh. Oh, my heavens. I wasn't thinking of myself, Sir William. I'm speaking for Princess Diane. Princess Diane? Yes. She wants you to wear her colors at the Royal Jousting Matches next Saturday. Wear her colors? Oh, well, no, no, ma'am. I couldn't do that. No. Now, you thank her for me anyway, but I don't think so. No. I don't think it would be a good idea. Oh, but any knight in the kingdom would give his eye teeth to wear her colors. No. No, she's too perfect for me. You see, we'll come a little closer with you. I don't want this to get around too much. Oh, of course. What is it? I'm not a very good knight. No. Now, keep it to yourself, though. I have to keep telling myself I'm good or my ego goes to pot. Boy, when that happens to a knight, zoop, that's all. Well, I don't understand. Well, sure you do. Look, let me explain it to you. You see? And furthermore, he said he wouldn't dare have anything to do with you, but for me to tell you diplomatically. Did he really say that? Well, confound it, Henrietta. Why didn't you put it diplomatically? With my own daughter? Oh, what does that tin-plated cousin of a want? Says I'm too perfect. He seems to think that just having you around would give him an inferiority complex, whatever that is. Well, Diane, if he'd pass up a girl like you, he obviously hasn't got good sense, so put him out of your mind, my dear. But, Father, I think I'm in love with him. Nonsense now. You put him out of your mind. That's an order. I don't want to hear the matter again. The Princess Diane was an obedient girl, and so she tried very hard to put Sir William out of her mind, but she couldn't do it. So instead she moped, till finally the king could stand it no longer. All right, all right. I give up. If this man means so much to you, then by your gym you'll get him. The call for the royal wizard echoed through the castle and finally was heard in the highest chamber of the northeast tower, where the wizard went to think on extra heavy problems. After a few minutes, he stood before the king. Well, you know the problem. Is there any answer? A love potion or something? Love potion? Well, well, well, Your Highness, with respect to you, there's no such thing. It's just not true. No such thing? No, miss. From the way it looks, they're only found in story books. Well, is there some other way? Yes, there must be some other way. Other way? Well, well, well, well. The only way, Your Highness, to account for William's shyness is to point out all the items that seem unprone to delight him. Unprone? Since Diane reached the age of two, she's done more than she ought to do of studying of the universe and differential calculers of art and every other thing. Till now, she's smarter than the king. What? You can be replaced, you know. So sorry, Sire, to thus unflatter, but I think that's just what's the matter. You mean we have to make him think that he's as good as she is? You've encapsulized the answer, King. By doing that, we might solve this thing. How can we do that? Ah, with a jousting match coming up on Saturday, I think we can handle it. Nothing illegal now, Father. Of course not. You go on, my dear. I want to have a word with your mother. All right, but hurry. Now, Henrietta, go to the Field Master and tell him that I want Sir William to fight first and then the winner to meet all comers. All comers? No human being... Keep your voice down. He'll fight every night here. But there are 25 of the best he can. Of course he can't, unless he gets some help. Here, take this money and pay every night but Sir William to lose. Oh, a jousting thing. This doesn't mean you make him feel perfectly good enough for our daughter. I'll eat my crown. Coming, Father? Hurry along now. Yes, yes, I'm coming. Sir William from the Western Kingdom. He certainly looks good, doesn't he? He'll look even better later. Here they come. Oh, yes. The winner of the first match, Sir William. Sir Newton Suttonfield. Hello, Mr Chamberlain. Your Majesty. Wasn't he wonderful, Father? Defeating 25 of your best knights. Oh, nothing like it has ever happened before. Wasn't he just wonderful? For what I paid, he should have been. Pardon me? I said a man like that will always win. Really, Princess Diane, we're never going to get finished unless you give me your attention. Oh, yes, I'm sorry. What is all this? He's helping me learn some things, Father. I would say unlearned. Unlearned? I don't know, as I like that. It was Mother's idea. That reminds me, you haven't seen the Queen. Oh, a nice-looking woman. I meant this evening. Oh, no, Your Highness, no. Is she missing? Well, I haven't seen her since the matches. There's nothing to worry about. I'll go see if she's back yet. Now, you get on with whatever you are doing. Now we'll try a terrible thing. Oh, just terrible. Very imperfect. A plural first-person pronoun with a singular verb. All right, now, after me. We was. We was. Again. We was. Oh, that's horrible. Now we'll try it with a double negative. And now then again. We wasn't doing nothing. We wasn't doing nothing. Oh, isn't that terrible? Here, here, here, here. Is that what you mean by unlearning? I'll not have it. That is one thing up with which I refuse to put. But, Father, it will prove to Sir William that I'm... You just leave that to me, my dear. I'll see that you get this young man without having to stoop to such... to such a... A skull-duggery. A skull-duggery. Yes, you just leave it to me. We wasn't doing nothing. After the education she's had. Oh, Henrietta, where have you been? You didn't do your job too well. Some of our boys put up too good a fight. They very nearly beat him a couple of times. Here's your money. My money? Not a one of our boys would take the bribe. Sir William beat them all by himself. Come in. Good evening, Sir William. I hope I'm not intruding. No, no, of course not, Your Highness. Come in. Make yourself at home. I'm glad to have the opportunity to thank you for all that prize money. Now look, Sir William, just what is it you don't like about my daughter? I beg your pardon. You know what I mean. Confounded man, when a princess asks a knight to wear her colors, it's almost tantamount to a proposal of marriage. Well, yes, sir, I know that. Well, you'll never find a better woman if I do say so myself. Now, just a minute, Your Highness. Don't misunderstand me. I think your daughter's all you say she is. She's the most beautiful princess I ever seen. And without a doubt, so gracious and intelligent, she's almost... well, she's almost... well, hang it all, Your Highness. Would you want to marry a perfect woman? Hmm. See what I mean? It just wouldn't work out. Will you excuse me? I'd like to talk this over with some friends of mine. So that's what the situation is. Seems terribly hopeless, doesn't it? Oh, quiet, my dear. Now, let the wizard think. Well, since perfection is the rub to him, it makes our chances mighty slim. I know. But there ought to be something. Aha! My gum, I've seen the light. I know where we might win this fight. Oh. What is it? Well, we'll put her in danger. So fraught up with fright that, sir, William alone out of all the knights will have courage enough to go to her rescue. Now, won't this plan work? Now, won't it, I ask you? Oh, it sounds wonderful. We'll have to make me seem helpless. Absolutely helpless. Nothing really dangerous, you understand? Well, there'll have to be some danger. Well, letting him feel masterful won't hurt things a bit either. Now, let's get our heads together and come up with something really awful. And while sir William slept peacefully in his bed, a king, a wizard, and a beautiful princess conspired to change the course of his life. Then, just before dawn, the light in the northeast tower went out. And soon after that, the princess came riding out of the palace courtyard, down the streets, and out through the main gates of the city. Please open the door. I'm coming, I'm coming. Wait a minute. Well, hurry. Oh. Well? But it wasn't supposed to work out this way at all. Not at all. What wasn't supposed to work out this way? Now, what's wrong? The princess Diana has run. Oh, she's been carried away. Something just... Carried away? Oh, it really wasn't in the plan. I knew something just terrible was... Sir, well, where are you going? To see the king. Well, wait for me. And that was the plan this wise man and I had thought of, but she didn't use it. Said it wasn't dangerous enough. A pretty low trick. She left this note. It's not so long. It only mentions where she's gone. Gone? Here, let me see. Says she's gone to the valley of the dragon. But there's no such thing as a dragon. That's right. On that, we all agree. A dragon simply could not be. Well, then what's all the excitement about? Tell him, tell him. Alas, those science tend to show the dragon theories just not so. One dragon doesn't know this fact, therefore is alive and quite intact. How about it, Sir William? Will you bring her back? I'll see that you get the richest reward you can think of. That's really not necessary. You'll go then? Yes, I'll go, but there isn't any such thing as a dragon. They simply do not exist. Now, up to Sir William's time, there had always been some conjecture regarding the existence of dragons. After his time, there wasn't any. Now, don't misunderstand us. We're not claiming the knight actually killed the last dragon on earth. In fact, we don't claim he killed one at all. But nonetheless, the facts are there. You can't find them in any history book. Well, some history books. That is, somewhere there is a history book with these facts in it. About two hours after Sir William left for the Valley of the Dragon, the people saw a great cloud of steam rise in the east. But of course, though it looked like it might have been made by a dragon, it could have been caused by some farmer's wife in the hill country as she prepared a hot bath for her husband. And then, after that, there was the sound of a great roaring and bellowing such as an angry dragon might make. Then the sound of muffled thunder such as a dragon might make when falling to earth mortally wounded might have been only, well, muffled thunder. But there was one thing. As Sir William rode out of the Valley with the princess before him in the saddle, he was wearing the look of a man who had just been through a great ordeal. An ordeal that could only have been. To think you proposed to me. Well, I suppose it does take a lot out of some men to propose. I guess I knew it from the beginning. I tried to fight it, but it was bigger than either one of us. Oh, was it? It will make beautiful music together, you and me. Back in those days, this line was brand new. And you risked your life to save me. Without any hope of reward. Yeah. There wasn't any reward, was there? Was there? Well... There was. Oh, you beast. Get off this horse and never speak to me again. You heard me. But it's my horse. Besides, we're almost there now. We'll settle this when we see your father. His good news traveled fast. In fact, almost as fast as bad news does today. So as the night in Princess Diane rode into the palace grounds, they found a great celebration awaiting them. The king and queen, the wise man, all the state dignitaries and thousands of citizens were gathered to rejoice at the safe return of the couple. And it had the making of a marvelous celebration. Till the king happened to say... Well, daughter, you had a couple of hours with him on the way back. He popped the question. Yes. But I wouldn't marry him if he were the last man on earth. Well, he only saved me for the reward. Oh, the beast. Everything happens to me. Now, I refuse to take any reward. I absolutely refuse. Yes, yes, yes. Hold on, wait just a minute. I've got a thought. Let's see what's in it. Then he will spit it out and it better be good. I'd rather whisper what I've got. It's the best idea I've ever thought. Well, what is it? Well... What is it? Yeah. Well, that's right. Your highness... Don't listen to him, father. Yes, I will. Now, you promised me the finest reward I could think of for rescuing your daughter. That's true. All right, sir. I ask for your daughter, the hand of Diane in marriage. So they were married and, strangely enough, lived happily ever after. Now there is a moral to this story. In fact, there are several. One of them might be... Don't ever let your daughter get smarter than you are unless you can afford top flight-wise men. Another would be... You can sometimes get a man to propose by simply wearing him out. Yet another moral. Worse things can happen to you than marrying a princess. But the real moral of the story would be this one. No one on earth, including Diane, can lay claim to perfection. And if Sir William thought she could, consider that affection tends to dim men's eyes, obscuring faults for certain. And when that happens, friends, mmm... it's love. And on that, we drop the curtain. This is Jean Lockhart again. I'd like to step out of my character as king with just a thought before we close. The man who is at peace with himself is at peace with his neighbour. Prayer and prayer alone can bring peace to the world. God is ready to give us much if we ask him. Is it so hard to ask? Is it too difficult to take a little time each day to be alone with God, to sit in silence and pray to him? Are there all those minutes you waste as a rule and utilise them for the wonderful purpose of prayer and see how your life changes? How much more happiness you find? How different your fellow man appears and acts. It's worth the trial, isn't it? So begin tonight. And every night pray with your family and experience greater joy in one another, in your home, and in God. Yes, the family that prays together stays together. More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. This series of Family Theater broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who feel the need for this type of program, by the mutual network which has responded to this need, and by the thousands of stars of stage screen and radio who give so unselfishly of their time and talent to appear on our Family Theater stage. To them and to you, our humble thanks. This is George Crowell expressing the wish of Family Theater that the blessing of God may be upon you and your home, and inviting you to be with us next week when Family Theater will present. It isn't cricket. Bob Hope will be your host. Join us, won't you? Family Theater is broadcast throughout the world and originates in the Hollywood studios of the world's largest network. This is Mutual, the radio network for all America.