 Well, anyway, I learned the answer to the question, what does a doctor do when a doctor needs a doctor? This is another in the Adventures of America's fabulous freelance insurance investigator, Johnny Duller. At insurance investigation, Johnny Duller is only an expert. At making out his expense account, he's an absolute genius. Expense accounts submitted by special investigator, Johnny Duller, to American Volunteer Liability Insurance Company, Hartford, Connecticut. Attention Homer Shelley, General Manager. The following is an accounting of my expenditures during my investigation of one of your policy holders, Dr. Otto Schmedlich, or an apple a day sent the doctor away. Or it couldn't have happened to a bigger worm. Expense accounts, item one. Eighty cents cab fare to your office in answer to your call. Tip to driver, one dollar. Good morning, darling. Good morning. Thank you. Sorry, we had that unfortunate altercation over the last expense account you submitted to this office. Oh, that's all right. But it was ridiculous. You were going around tipping cab drivers a dollar after a fifty cent trip. Well, you know me, Homer, just a silly, headstrong, impetuous boy. It was somebody else's money, yes. We've been through all that. And what I want to talk to you now is that I am policy. Oh, here it is. Here it is. Dr. Otto Schmedlich, Los Angeles, California. California? Doesn't anything ever happen at Hartford? I've been using an airplane seat belt so much lately I'm about ready to throw away my suspenders. Dr. Otto Schmedlich, I suppose you're familiar with the existence of that type of insurance policy which protects doctors against charges of malpractice. Yeah, I've heard of them. We had the rare misfortune of issuing such a policy to this quack Schmedlich. Well, what do you want me to do? Go out and take his temperature? Dollar, when I want to laugh, I tune in Jack Benny. Now, this is serious. The policy we issued to Dr. Schmedlich only covers him up to the extent of what is construed as accidental malpractice. If we can brew criminal malpractice, we can cancel the scoundrel's policy. Do you have a good reason to think it's criminal or are you just toying with a happy thought? Look, our company has already paid off on two claims. Recently, we've heard rumors about this man. It seems the medical association is watching him very closely. But so far, no one can prove anything. Now, Dollar, do you want the assignment? No, but I'll take it. Expense account, item two, $194.04. Airfare, Hartford, to Los Angeles. Item three, $450. Cab fare, Los Angeles airport, to the Sun Tower Medical Specialist Building, which I first spotted looming through the smog on Wilshire Boulevard, high in the high-rent district of the city beautiful. Item four, $0.55, 11 nickels. Spent telephoning the Schmedlich office at 15-minute intervals until I at last found the doctor not in. In California, the doctors really specialize. And the buildings they work in sometimes really make the most of it, as I found out in the elevator going up. Second floor, eye, ear, nose, and throat. Doctors Care, Criter, White Tiss, Nosterband. Pardon me. Third floor, fractures, strains, sprains, and dislocations. Doctors Fowler, Woodruff, Toygo, and Brown. Fourth floor, obstetrics, orthopedic, pediatrics, and general. Doctors Small, Collier Reynolds, Frank, Stanley Feinbaum, and Schmedlich. Would all these medical terms you just tossed off, by any chance mean that we have now arrived in the land of the mechanized stock? To put it crudely, yes. Thank you, Jack Armstrong. Good afternoon. Dr. Schmedlich in? No, I'm sorry. He isn't. Oh, good. I mean, that's too bad. Just what do you mean? Well, I meant to say that, well, since the doctor isn't in, I mean, I'd rather talk to you anyway. You're prettier. I should be. I'm a girl. Now, is there something I can help you with? Yes, there's a matter of fact you can. I have a sort of empty feeling around my heart. How would you prescribe? Bicognitive Soda. Is that all? Too shake. Now I have an empty feeling around my head. Please, will you state your business? Oh, now, honey, you should know that, anybody who walks into a doctor's office wants to live. I'd have to send you. I really want to live. What are you doing tonight? I am not in the habit of making dates with strange men. Who's strange? And furthermore, you are past the most insufferable, egotistical business. Now, if you just give me a chance, darling, I'm sure I'll be able to prove you're right. Why, I wouldn't be caught dead. Oh, God, are you waiting? You like that? That's the first time I've ever tasted champagne. Good old champagne. The rich people seven up. Well, here's to us. To us. Doreen, I feel like talking. Well, thanks for putting me on guard. Listening to you can do strange things to a girl. I want you to know more about me. I'm an insurance man. I didn't go up to your office hoping you'd see the doctor. I want to see his nurse, you. Why, Johnny Dollar, if you try to sell me... Oh, hey, now, wait a minute. Hear me out. You can probably guess it's getting pretty tough trying to sell insurance these days. More than anything else, a guy needs a new angle. And I've got one. People who go to doctors are worried about their health. Now, people who are worried about their health are worried about the security of their families. So they become good prospects for insurance policy. Oh, but at the same time, aren't they also bad risks? A lot of them are young. But they can't pass the insurance physical, but there are plenty of others. You should know the figures prove there's many healthy people who go to doctors as do unhealthy. Perhaps the most popular disease in America is hypochondria. And the national headquarters seems to be located right here in Los Angeles. I see. And from me, you want a list of Dr. Schmidt's patients? Smart girl. Smart boy. Spence account, item five, $1.40. Cab fare to Doreen's apartment, where I told the driver to wait. Spence account, same item, part two. $28, waiting time, before I took the cab the rest of the way back to my hotel. Spence account, item six, breakfast the next morning. Two hard-earned dollars for two soft-boiled eggs. The hen that laid them must do barnyard bits in the movies. At least at those prices, she could have autographed them. At 9.30, I was right on time for my morning appointment with Doreen to pick up the list of Dr. Schmidt's patients a half hour before the doctor was due to arrive. Well, Johnny, for a man who stayed up so late, you're very punctual. Oh, that's me. The early worm who so often hits the bird. You got a copy of the list? Yeah. Got here at 8 to type it for you. Oh, fine. Here it is. So this is wonderful. You're a doll. Yeah. A.A. Aaron's. He'd make the top of any alphabetical list. Look, this is a selfish way of saying thanks because I'll enjoy it more than you will, but dinner at Romanoff's alone? I love it. Good. Oh, good morning, Dr. Schmidtley. Oh, is this patient's already? Oh, yes, doctor. This is Mr. Dollar. He's from out of town. Good morning. Well, all right. What's the matter with you? Oh, it's really nothing. Well, let me be the judge of that. I will make the diagnosis. I'll see you in a moment. Johnny, I don't know what happened. He's never come in this early before. Oh, mind that. But I wish you hadn't met a patient already. I just had to say something. He wants to know about everybody who comes in here. Johnny, you'll just have to go through with it. We can't let him know about the list. Okay, okay. But what's this going to cost me? What does the old square head get for a check-up? $50. Consultation. Oh. Honey, instead of Romanoff's for dinner tonight, we better make it a drive-in. Sorry, Johnny, I am. You can come in now, Mr. Dollar. Oh, well, with a deed, doctor, the name is Dollar. Oh, yes, yes. I forget. How many cases on my mind? No. If you will be so good to slip off your jacket in your shirt while I talk. No. What is the nature of your complaint? Well, um, my back. I was in a small automobile crack-up driving out here. No, that's a dangerous, complicated area of the back. No, it will be so good to get up on the table and lie down. No. No, on your stomach. The feet down here, please. That's good. Now, I tap your back. When I reach the painful area, please, to tell me. Yes, doctor. Very well muscled, Mr. Dollar. No bruising or strain. Oh, uh, oh, there it is. Uh-huh. Well, not dangerously near the spine, but very interesting. Here, I think this will help. Oh! At first it felt like a big bee sting about a quarter of the way up my back. Then came the buzzing inside my head. Whatever kind of liquid lullaby the good doctor sunk into my spine, it really rocked me to sleep. I had time to move my head and watch Shmedley put down the hypodermic, walk across the room to my coat, and take from it the list of his patients, plus my wallet containing my identification. But I didn't give it a second thought. I didn't have time to. For me, the lights went out. In just a moment, we will return to the second act of Johnny Dollar. But first, assets, one block of wood, liabilities, more trouble than the legendary paper hanger with the highs. It sounds as though Edgar Bergen had a pretty bad bank balance, doesn't it? But luckily for you, he comes back week after week to the CBS studios with his block of wood named Charlie and lets himself in for more trouble. As for you, you're really in the chips when you take in the Edgar Bergen Charlie McCarthy show, heard over most of these stations every Sunday. Don't miss their brightest gayest show tomorrow night on CBS where this fall you hear them all. Now with our star, Charles Russell, we return to the second act of yours truly, Johnny Dollar. A racket sleeping on the job isn't always fun, and this was one of those times. Waking up from Dr. Schmidlich's slumber treatment for nosy people carried with it a dark brown taste in the mouth, thickness of the tongue, and big bells ringing in your steeple. I was scoring on all those counts when I rolled open my eyelids, which fought me all the way. I set up and found myself on a hard canvas cut in a bare room with soft walls. They were padded a window wasn't much what there was of it was barred so was a tiny opening in the upholstered door. At first I thought I was going crazy then I realized I was in the kind of place where they put people they think have already joined the ranks of the Enchanted. It took me only 10 years to make it over to the door before I looked out through the small slit. Makes the other patients nervous. Okay, okay, okay, where am I? Who are you? I'm your nurse. Oh, sorry I didn't recognize you. I thought nurses were supposed to wear little caps. I got a little cap, but I don't wear it indoors at heart. Don't go make it fun at me, you'll be sorry, see? I'm sorry now. I'll get in here anyway. All I know is this place will be around good. You say outside you're dangerous. I can depend on it. If I get out, I will be. What'd you say? Nothing. You're one of them all right, talking to yourself. What's your name? It's none of your business, but I'll tell you. I don't like people calling me hey-you, so I'll tell you. My name is Foggy. Okay, Foggy. Listen, all I want is a chance to talk to somebody who's in charge. How about it? That's easy. You get one visit from the boss every day, just like all the others. When'll that be? Just before supper, so why don't you go back to sleep? That won't be for four more hours. Oh, Dandy. Who is this boss? What's his name? The boss is not a hey. It is a she. And her name is Dr. Doreen Smith. I had four hours to think of different ways of calling myself a sucker. The end of hour number one, I ran out of fingernails. The end of hour number two, I ran out of patience. And the other two, I spent devising torturous new ways of getting even with a combination that shanghired me into that fancy four-walled straight jacket. They had left me only one move to make. That was out. I figured that if the winsome Dr. Doreen Smith paid me a visit, she'd come with her body well guarded. Probably by the charming B-muscle behemoth, Nurse Foggy, who from what I saw him through that slit in the door was no Florence Nightingale, believe me. For him, I needed a club. I didn't have much to work with. The iron and canvas cut was heavily bolted to the floor. That was the only other piece of furniture in the room, a small but sturdy table. Took off one of my shoes, ripped the heel off in an angle of the cot, and looked lovingly at the shiny little nail points gleaming back at me from the solid piece of leather and the palm of my hand. I put it to work, and the canvas out of the cot. Then I put both of my shoes into the center of the square, picked up the corners, tied them together, close to the weight, gave it a heft, feeling that I now had at least the start of a weapon. Do you think that's good news? He saved Dr. Smith. He's still groggy for that troll. Don't trust him. Grab his arms when you're going and hold on. Now go ahead, I'll follow. Thanks, and we won't hurt you, sir. Thanks, Nurse E. I wouldn't think of it. Come here, you! Back in here, sweetheart. Oh, dropped your hypodermic. Planning on rocking me to sleep again? Get out of here. Let me tell you something. This is one squirrel that's going to get out of this cage. Don't rub my further wrong way. My headaches, I'm seeing double. My nerve ends are whipping me to death. If I had two cents, I'd punch you square in the nose. Because one thing for sure, you ain't no lady. Sit down. Stay there when I put on what's left of my shoes. Go back to heart, my little boy. This is big for you. Being around you would make anybody grow old in a hurry. What do you think you're going to do? Right now, I'm going to take your keys, lock you in here with sleeping beauty there, and then I'm going out for a breath of fresh air. Have fun, the two of you. You can make a peach of a pear. I stumbled through the rest of the building, which turned out to be nothing more than a country house. There were no other rooms like the one I had just vacated. For that matter, there were no other so-called patients. It could have been a place maintained for the purpose of making people talk or keeping them from talking. There was no telephone. I couldn't call out, but neither could anybody call in to find out that something was going wrong. This little crime crib was apparently located well out in the country. That meant that Dr. Doreen Smith had arrived in the car, which I commandeered and drove to the nearest filling station. No longer having in my possession that list of Schmedlich's patients, I flipped through my memory and came up with a single name I had noted in his office, A. A. Aaron. Hello, is Mr. A. A. Aaron in place? It is Aaron speaking. Oh, good. Mr. Aaron, I'm representing a group of West Coast drugists. I'm making a survey. What do you have your prescriptions filled? It is at the Anjoy Pharmacy in Beverly Boulevard. Oh, I see. One more question, Mr. Aaron. I know that in many cases, people go to the pharmacist recommended by their doctor. Is this the case with you? Yes, that is right. Well, thank you, Mr. A. A. Aaron. Pardon me, Mr. Anjoy. The clerk up front told me where I could find you. My name is Dollar. I'd like to have a word with you if you have the time. On the basis of ethics, the state of California should have picked up the gentleman's pharmaceutical license and issued him a barber's permit. Mr. Anjoy loved to talk. From the few thousand words he threw at me during the ensuing half hour, I managed to sift the following information. Dr. Schmedlich's prescriptions were usually refillable, dangerous, and habit-forming. I also managed to memorize the names of a few of his patients in the narcotics book. Where these tucked into a lonely corner of my cerebral cortex, I limped out into the newborn night. Spent a count on him seven, 50 cents, having the missing heel on my shoe replaced by late-working cobbler. Checking the owners of the first four names drew me nothing but blanks. The fifth drew me closer. Come on in. Her name was Millicent Royal. She was a kind of girl whose family takes up a full page in the Blue Book, and those personal habits take up full pages on police blotters. Well, don't just stand there. Come in. Thank you. Sit down. Miss Royal, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm an insurance investigator. I don't want any. You don't understand, I said investigator, not salesman. I want to get a line out of Dr. Otto Schmedlich. Do you recognize the name? I might, but I'm not sure it's any of your business. Look, little lady, let's quit sparring. I've tailed friend Schmedlich this far, and now I want some information. What have you got? Nothing. He's a fine doctor, a wonderful doctor. I don't think he's doing you any good at all. You don't know anything about me. I'm afraid I do, more than you think. I know enough about Dr. Schmedlich to know that he's doing a lot of people, a lot of trouble. I want to put him on a business, and you can help me. Oh, look, honey, Schmedlich isn't the one that needs protection. You do. You and the other people on the same spot you're on. Why don't you do yourself some good? I think you better leave now. Okay. Perhaps I'd better drop around to the home of Prince E. P. Royal, Bel-Air. But Father, no, no, don't do that. And give me some answers. You can't make me. Nobody can. Anything that passes between a doctor and his patient is a secret. Nobody can make me say it, not even a judge. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute. All right, all right. If you change your mind, I'm staying at the Park Beverly Hotel. I'll trip him up sooner or later. If I have to, I'm turning it over to the Federal Men, Narcotics Department. Why did I ever let you in here? Get out. Leave me alone. Go away, please. You can't make me do anything. Well, well, well, is my estranged wife having a lover's quarrel? No, get this man out of here. Make him leave me alone. I don't see why I should rescue you from anybody's clutches. But you, I don't like your look, so get out before I bust you in half. You know, you look like just the guy who might be able to do it. Happy honeymoon. My hangover from Dr. Schmedlich's health cure hit me again as I hit the street. What I needed was a hot shower and a cold drink. After the water hit me in the face and a trifle of the same hit the scotch in my glass, I sat down on the big easy chair in my room posing for a picture. Johnny Dollar, lonesomest man in town. I was mixed up in something mighty big and mighty wrong, but something I couldn't have yet put a finger on. Up until then, I had to go on with ability, experience, instinct, all unacceptable to the police as evidence. I asked myself why I hadn't called the law and told them about my party with the lady doctor and the man nurse. Then I answered myself that if I did, I'd probably be the one charged with assault, battery, and whatever else they wanted to trump up. Again, it would only be my word against that of an established medical man and his doctor-type nurse. So I decided to leave Doreen and her monster-type nurse where they were until I could turn them over to the cops. Four drinks later, I was beginning to realize that those kind of troubles don't drown easily. And then the phone rang. Yeah? Mr. Dollar? Yes, Mrs. Dollar. This is Melissa new to come over right away. Right, right away. Wait a minute, what's the matter? Anything you want to know. Oh, listen, Melissa, take the advice of an old hand at this sort of thing. If you want to help, tell me now, over the phone. No, I was listening. Oh, listen to me. It never fails, Miss Royal. You're playing around with a kind of suspense they like to put into movie scripts. The dame calls with some hot information she's afraid to spill over the phone. Then when the investigator gets there, she's dead. Hurry. I went there. I was right. She was dead. That gave me two people to go looking for. I didn't know where a strange husband Bill lived, so I went to work on the doctor. His old night telephone exchange gave me the information that he had called in just before leaving the hospital on his way to the office and could be reached there in 20 minutes. I was apparently closer than he was, so I walked out of the building and up to the fourth floor. There were lights on in the Schmedlich office, so I walked in. What do you want? I came here to see the doctor, Bill, but I was going to get around to you eventually. I just came from your wife's apartment. So did I. That's what I mean. You've got some talking to do. I know who you are, but don't go getting any ideas. I didn't kill her. I loved her. It didn't sound like love when I met you in the apartment. We made up right after you left. I went out to get her something from the drugstore when I came back. She was dead. That's what I'm doing here. I'm waiting here to kill the man who did it. How do you know it was Schmedlich? Because after you left her apartment, she called the doctor and told him if he didn't stop shaking her down, she was going to tell you the whole story. And he threatened her, and she called me. What was the grounds for blackmail? Not comics? That's right. He got her started on it during the long illness she had. After she was well, but still needed a drug, he told her he'd see that her family heard about it, she didn't pay him off. Nice guy. He wrecked us, wrecked our marriage, made a victim of her. And she wasn't the only one. There were others. He'd make drug addicts out of them and then threaten a blackmail of them if they didn't pay off. And you prove all this? I can't prove it. Nobody can. The cops, the medical association, they've tried, but Schmedlich is clever. Too clever. When I blast that monster out in the world, I'll be curing it of a big sickness. Now, hey, take it easy. Look, I know how you feel, but you haven't got the right answer. Why don't you let me take over? Stay out of a dollar. I never belong to any Boy Scout troops. I'm not joining now. You know what they say, an apple a day? Well, I've got one here for the doctor. You see this? It's leftover from Guadalcanal. I sure do see it. A pineapple, army-type hand grenade. Well, I'm going to feed it to him, Oh, Bill, now look, I know you're upset, but don't forget, those things were designed to take care of more than one man. Have you thought of that? I thought about it a lot, and it still all adds up. I haven't got a thing left to live for I... Hey, hey, that's him. Bill, Bill, you're off your rocker. Don't do it. Give me that thing. And I'm standing where he... Come and get it, Schmedlich. A bomb? Before the grenade could explode, I did. With one foot, I kicked Bill mightily in the shin bone. With a pin-pull, I only had about five seconds. I took two steps, and with the other foot, I kicked the grenade out for the quarter, then I hit the floor. All right. I'll still take you to peace, Schmedlich. I let Bill go to work on the doctor until he had sucked him into a state of unconsciousness. And to save Bill from a murder app, I did the same for him, with a loose, portable typewriter. Sorry, but it's time to type right the tagline, William. Oh! P.S. Then I called the police. Expense accounts, item eight. Fifty dollars, airplane rental, Bernsley charter service for a flight to Palm Springs. Item nine, sixty-two dollars. Dinner at the dooms, party of three. Included in said party, me and Hague and Hague. Expense account, um... Item nine, airfare, Palm Springs to Los Angeles, Los Angeles to Hartford. Two hundred and forty-four dollars and four cents. Expense account, total, twelve hundred and eleven dollars and sixty-nine cents. All that for getting rid of a doctor. And if you react the same way you reacted to my last expense account, it'll probably mean that you will be needing a doctor. Signed, um, yours? Um, truly. Johnny Dollar. Shores Truly, Johnny Dollar is produced and directed by Gordon T. Hughes and stars Charles Russell. Script by Paul Dudley and Gil Dowd. Featured in the cast were Willard Waterman, Betty Lugerson, Larry Dobkin, Paul Dubov, Georgia Ellis and Edmund McDonald. The special music is written and conducted by Wilbur Hatch. Be sure to be with us next week when another unusual expense account is handed in by yours truly, Johnny Dollar. Stay tuned for Vaughn Monroe and his caravan, which follows immediately over most of the same station. Paul Masterson speaking. This is ZBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.