 Craft presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. Each week at this time from Hollywood, California, Craft presents Harold Terry as the Great Gilder Sleeve, written by Leonard L. Levinson. We'll hear from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. But first, even though winter doesn't officially begin till December 22nd, it's here right now for most of us. Yes, and on cold, blustery days, plenty of good nourishing food is all important. I mean food that supplies energy, food that produces body warmth, food that keeps us going despite the weather. Now, parquet margarine, the delicious vegetable margarine made by Craft, is just such a food. Parquet margarine is one of the best sources of food energy you can serve, and that means it's top in producing body warmth, too. And equally important in wintertime, parquet is rich in vitamin A. Yes, every pound of parquet margarine contains 9,000 units of vitamin A. But parquet margarine isn't just good for you. It's mighty good tasting, too. Whether you serve it at the table or use it for baking and pan frying. So, for all these reasons, wholesome economical parquet margarine deserves a place on your shopping list. Why not order a pound or two tomorrow? Just ask your food dealer for parquet. Par-K-A-Y. It's the margarine that's made by Craft. And now let's visit our friend, the Great Gilder Slave. Come on, don't threaten me with two swell movies. Yes, thanks for taking us. Did you enjoy them? Well, Marjorie, I'll have to confess I fell asleep in the middle of the first feature and woke up toward the end of the second one. You did? Yes, Leroy. Those 65 cents seats are too darn comfortable. Now tell me, did Betty Davis finally marry Hopalong Cassidy? Oh, golly, weren't even in the same picture. Oh, it weren't? Well, then he must have been singing to a blonde horse. Now I'm all confused. Who wasn't the defeated Notre Dame in the newsreel, Tarzan or Popeye? It was Charlie's aunt. And he wasn't in the newsreel. He's in the picture coming next week. Oh, that's the trouble with the movies. You can't sleep there in peace. But they need her more actresses like Betty Grave. Yes. Now, there's a girl with beautiful potential if she'll get somewhere that young lady. Well, it's almost midnight, so we'd all better get... Well, look at that. A bird cage. Yeah, where did that come from? There's a canary inside. Well, I don't understand if this wasn't here when we left. Maybe Birdie brought it in. Yes, let's find out. Oh, Birdie. Yes, Mr. Gild, please. Yeah, Birdie, whose canary is this? It's yours, Mr. Gildsley. If it is? Yes, but you just won Napoleon in a raffle. Napoleon? I did. When did it happen while I was asleep at the movies? No, sir, at my lodge. This is the night the mysterious and bewilderment order of the daughters of Cleopatra hold their weekly business meeting and shag contest. Yes, sir. Well, I couldn't have been there. He was with us. Yes. Well, your uncle bought a tick on our big raffle. Oh, yes, now I remember. But I thought you said the drawing was for a beautiful big set of dishes. No, sir, the lodge is raising money to buy itself a set of dishes, but the prize they're giving away is a canary bird. Well, this is mighty nice to win on a 50-cent chance. First time I've won a prize since I wore my woolen underwear to that rumba contest. Uncle. I'd like to thank whoever it was that drew out the lucky number, Birdie. Well, it just so happens that the drawing was done by the grand exhausted ruler of the Pyramids. It also just so happens that that happens to be me. Why, Birdie? Of course, it was just a coincidence, but did anybody say anything? No, ma'am, but the show was a lot of black looks. I guess they were. Say, this Napoleon's a pretty feisty little bird. Will he sing? Of course he will. Only the man we brought him from says that when two, three days he's got to get customized to his new surroundings. And after that, he'll sing just like this. Yeah, Eddie Nelson. Eddie Nelson? Oh, I see, yes. Well, it's time for all of us to get to bed. You better find a cloth someplace, Birdie, and drape Napoleon for the night. Oh, we don't have to do that, Mr. Gillslee. This is a special new-fangled kind of cage. Look. Well, imagine that. A bird cage with Venetian blinds. When the daughters of Cleopatra do something, they don't mess around by half. That reminds me of something I kind of hate to bring up. Uh, what's that, Birdie? Well, speaking of hares, you never did pay me them full bitchy oven for that raffle ticket. Oh, yes. Now, see here, Napoleon, you've been a free-border around here for a week now, and you haven't sung once. Not one single solitary stop eating a moment, Napoleon, and listen to me. Oh, now I frighten you. What's the trouble, old man? Haven't I tried to be a pal, do you? Haven't I? By George, look me in the eye when I'm talking to you. You've got to do something around here to earn your keep. You think birdseed grows on trees? You better find your voice, little chum, or you'll find yourself decorating somebody's hat. Gillslee, isn't Napoleon worth yourself into a vocalizing mood yet? Not yet. You know, Birdie, I'm not one to look a gift bird in the bill. I'm afraid the cat's got this canary stump. No, so the cat was after this morning, but I chased him away. Well, I don't know much about birds, but if ever I saw a moody mudlock, it's this jaundice little J-bird. You know, I can't understand it, Mr. Gillslee. This canary bird was not only guaranteed to sing, but the man said positively. Well, maybe we better take Napoleon back to the store and get the Duke of Wellington. Well, there was no store. No? You know, we bought that dicky bird off of a man that would sell them off the back of a truck. But if he guaranteed him, he must have some permanent address. Well, he said something about if everything wasn't completely satisfactory to write him in care of the canary island. Only he didn't say which island. Well, I suspect he was selling hot canaries. Only this one is not so hot. Good evening, Uncle Lord. Oh, good evening. Oh, was Napoleon still sulking? Well, I can't tell from the expression on his face. The only expression he's got. What do you think, Birdie? I don't know nothing about canary birds. The only bird that I've ever associated with is chickens. And even then, only to the extent of southern frying them, you know. Yes. Well, we may turn Napoleon into a chicken a la king yet. All right, folks. Is that dumb bird still dumb? Yes, Leroy. We better get some advice from an expert. I think I'll go to a pet store or an aviary. Oh, you better try a pet store, Uncle Mort. Those aviaries are too busy these days with defense work. Oh, Leroy, an aviary isn't a place where they work on aviation. Well, I know. It's a place where birds of a lot of different feathers all flock together. Say, Aunt, why don't you come down to the library with me? I've got to take a book back and you can find out a lot of things about canaries there. That's an excellent idea. The bird stores are probably all closed, and this way I can get the information I want tonight. Okay, but I can tell you one thing about that bird right now. What's that? He's no stool pigeon. What do you mean, Leroy? He won't sing. Here's the 88 cents for your fine, Leroy. The next time you want to use a dictionary, we'll buy one. Turn it in while I find where the canary literature is, will you? Here's the information desk. I'll put it right back. Okay. Excuse me, young ladies. Not so loud, please. Won't you step closer? Closer? Oh. Hmm, I must come to the library often. What can I do for you? My canary refuses to sing. What? My canary won't sing, and I wonder if you could help me. I'd be glad to, only I don't sing, either. You don't, eh? I'll bet you... Have you got any books for a canary in that condition? Well, the music department has some volumes with bird calls. Oh, I don't think that would do. You see, my canary can't read music. Well, how about a book that you could read? Oh, that'd be splendid. Something that would tell me the cause and cureness of curtainists or coinists and canaries. You'll find that undersea over there in the reference room. You'll have to hurry now. We're closing in just a few minutes. Yeah, thanks. I will. Oh, Leroy, come along with me. Come on, come on. Well, you better make it snappy, uncle. It's almost nine o'clock. Oh, it won't take me long. Is this the reference room? Yeah. Let's see. Somewhere along here. The canapes, the canaries, the canary... Oh, canaries. Ah, here's what we're looking for. Almost missed it. It native birds of the Bronx and how to get the most out of them. What to do till the bird doctor comes? You're getting warm, uncle. Yes, I know I am. Here, hold my overcoat. 44 famous formulas for feeding our fine feathered friends by F. McGee. Oh, that sounds like it. I don't think you'll have time to read much, uncle. Here's what we're after. A list of different feeds to food. I mean, foods to feed Napoleon. Do you want to read them all, uncle? Will I take them down? Oh, splendid idea, young man. Ready? Sure, go ahead. Shoot the junk to me, uncle. Yes. Watercress? Watercress. Anastasiums? Anastasiums. Dandelions? Dandelions. Marigolds? Marigolds. What's happened to the lights? Gee, they put them out. It must be nine o'clock. Come on, Leroy. Let's get out of here before they lock us in. Okay, but I'm sort of mixed up. Which way is out? I think it's right over here. Not that way, Leroy. Here, take my hand. Oh! An avalanche! Oh, my goodness. Leroy, where are you? Are you hurt? Gee, my head feels funny. Hey, your head does feel funny. I can feel it going around and around. What am I touching, then? Oh, it must be that globe of the world. Let's see if we can grope our way out into the other room. All right, take my hand. Oh! Oh, to think of a trapped in a public library at my age. Gee, uncle Mort, everybody must be gone. How are we going to get out of here? We'll find some door we can open, Leroy. Or else I'll locate a window big enough to crawl out of. Yeah, a bay window. Yes. Never mind, young man. I'll stay close to me. So we won't get... Oh! Oh! Oh, shit. You're moving to the apartment? How do you know? A book like what you two look pale and tired. You shouldn't stay out for late nights. I've kept you up so long. Well, it was like this, right? You've been reaching breakfast, Leroy. Oh, oh, yes. Sadie, do you see the morning paper? It's the most mysterious story. Listen, prowlers turn library topsy-turvy. Excuse me, my coffee went down the wrong way. Ah, gee, uncle, we're sunk. Very quietly, Leroy. Let your sister read the morning paper. What else does it say, Marjorie? Oh, um, finding the door of the Somersfield Public Library open at 2 a.m. this morning, patrolman L. Moe Dunkel entered and discovered a scene of unparalleled confusion. Well, I wonder what that could have been. Gee, don't you know? Thousands of books have been pushed from shelves and the floor was, in some places, four feet deep in volume. That's an awful lie. I mean, it's awfully high, isn't it? It was estimated by a city librarian, Helen Hunt Schultz. Oh, yes, Miss Schultz, yes. That the sorting and restacking of the books will require at least a week during which the library will be closed. Boy, that's a good thing we got out of our books last night. Shall I go on? Yes, yes, very interesting, very interesting, yes. Members of the detective squad who are investigating believe it to be the work of a gang known as the Laurel and Hardy mob. Um, led by a large, fat man and his skinny little lieutenant. Why, isn't it warm in here? The detectives discovered a clue in the form of a slip of paper reading Watercress. Watercress. Nasturtian. So, dandelions. Eat your dandelions, Leroy. I'm really not terribly hungry. Incidentally, weren't you two at the library last night? Yes, come to think of it, we were, yeah. I suppose you missed the fun. There was no fun while we were there. We were looking for information about Canary. Did you find anything? No, we stumbled across a few books. Oh, please. See, maybe we should give Napoleon a bath, huh? Canaries are like people they like to sing in the bathtub. Shall we put the cage under the shower? No, Leroy. Birdie, you fill a soup plate with some tepid water, eh? Yes, sir. And if it'll help, I'll put some of my personal bath salts in it. They got the loveliest fragrance called the last time I saw Harlem. No, thanks, Birdie. We can't take any chances of Napoleon singing boogie woogie. That's what you're saying, Mr. Gilligan. Yeah, all right. Maybe all he needs is a good wash job. Yeah. Now, here he is. I hope that Canary bird can swim better than he can sing. Yes, thanks, Birdie. Now, you folks, just go on with your breakfast. I'll handle this thing all by myself. Time I saw Harlem. Oh, good morning, Napoleon. Have a good night's rest. Yeah. Now, I've got a nice bath all fixed up for you. That better make you sing, brother. Jean, come on. What are we going to do now? Give this bird a duckie. No, no. I mean about the police and the library and stuff. Oh, don't worry. Don't worry, Leroy. They're not looking for us. They're after a couple of fellows who look like Laurel and Hardy. Oh, my goodness. They are looking for us. You see what I mean? Yes. Oh, let's not borrow trouble, Leroy. Let's forget the whole matter, huh? Say, I'm afraid this plate is too big to get into your cage, nappy old chappy. Can I get a smaller dish? No, we'll leave it here just outside the cage and open the door. Yeah. There you are. Well, come on out, Napoleon. Nobody's going to bite you. Yeah, don't be bashful. Maybe you should prod him with your finger. Oh, that's an idea. Oh! He pecked me, the darn little dive bomber. I was afraid that it happened. Hey, now he's going out. Yeah, come on, Napoleon. Make it snappy. We haven't got all... No, no, no, Napoleon. Stop flying around the room. Hey, there's your nice bath here. Look out, he's heading for a well. Window? Keep away of him or I'll shut the window. Go back, you ding-dong devil. Oh, my goodness, he's gone. Yeah, he sure flew the coop. Oh, come on, Leroy. Bring the cage. We've got to catch Napoleon before he heads for Florida. I see him. Look, there he is on the branch of that tree. No, no, that's a yellow leaf. Oh, yes. I forgot his November. I could have sworn it was Napoleon. Say, don't look now, but what's that moving in the bushes? Where? Over there. George, I think it's the bird, all right? Come on. You head him off in the back, Leroy, and I'll sneak up on him from this side. Okay. Let me know if you catch him. Yes. Uh-oh. There he goes into that shrub. Now, where did he disappear to? He must be somewhere in here. Napoleon. Nice, Napoleon. Be a good boy and come back, Uncle Frogmoreton, Napoleon. Hello there. Yeah, hello. Oh, hello, officer. Excuse me, but what are you doing down there on your hands and knees, mister? Don't be stubborn, Napoleon. Oh, say, you're a new man on the beat, aren't you? Yeah, what are you looking for in them bushes? Yeah, here, Napoleon. Come out of there. What's that, officer? Oh, I'm just looking for Napoleon. He's escaped. Oh, I see. Aren't you a little late to look for Napoleon? Late? I heard as fast as I could. He just flew out the window. Oh, he flew out the window, huh? Naturally. And did you fly out after him? Of course not. What do you think I've got? Wings? I don't know, have you? You can see that I haven't. Napoleon has, though. Oh, Napoleon has wings, has he? I was just trying to make him take his bath, but I guess he didn't want to, so he zoomed right out of the house. Well, didn't he wait to put on his clothes? Why should he? Napoleon never wears clothes? Here's Napoleon, here's Napoleon. He doesn't, huh? No. I'm afraid he'll catch coal in nothing but his feathers. This is getting better by the minute. Say, are you sure you aren't Napoleon? No, I'll see you here, officer. Don't you stand there making jokes? You want to be useful? Come down here and help me find Napoleon. Here nappy, here nappy, here nappy. Oh, fine. Hey, look, how small is this Napoleon you're looking for? Oh, he can't be over four inches high. Four inches high? Okay, then three inches. I thought I just saw him. Hey, look, about how long have you been seeing this Napoleon? Oh, ever since I won him on a raffle. You won him on a raffle? Yeah, ma'am. Well, I have a report to fill out. Napoleon? You see, all this happened because Napoleon refuses to sing. You think it's unaccompaniment being in a strange house? I don't know, do you live there? Yes. Then it's a strange house. Now, look, mister, let's walk over to the station where it's nice and warm and quiet, instead of squatting in these bushes waiting for Napoleon to come marching out. Say, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with me? Now, look here, mister, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Napoleon's been dead already for close to 120 years. Oh, I didn't mean that, Napoleon. Napoleon I'm looking for is a bird. Yeah, well, he must be a cuckoo. Now, look, are you coming along quietly or do I have to... Not a sound. There he is. You see him? Here, Napoleon. Oh, what do you know? It is a bird. Of course. Leroy had him off. I am. Leroy, use your hat. Be careful you don't crush him. Hi, Saddam. You better take him in the house. Well, officer, are you satisfying? Yeah, but it's lucky that Canary showed up when he did. Why? Well, I was ready to run you in as one of them screw balls that busted into the public library last night. That'd have been pretty silly, wouldn't it? Yes, it would. Just listen to that, children. They're beautiful, isn't it? He's sure on the groove all right, all right. It's certainly worth a lot of trouble to get a bird to sing like that. You're right, Marjorie. Let's ask the clerk what kind of bird seed she feeds this Canary and then buy some just like it for our Napoleon. Oh, Miss, will you please come here? What can I do for you, please, to meet you? If we have a Canary and he refuses to sing, lady. Yeah, he won't give out with a jive. Leroy's not supposed to be a jitter bird. Yeah. And possibly the boy needs a change from diet. What have you been feeding him if I am not too inquisitive? Well, you're not. We tried everything. The book's recommended. Cuddlebone, watercress, bacon, vegetables, apples. Have you tried boy's seed? Boy's, of course. He's got so fat on seeds he keeps falling off his perch. Well, for falling off the porch, we carry a special padded bottom. Yeah. What have you got for birds who won't sing? Well, we have a number of remedies. He is Marble's verbal gargle, guaranteed to make the saddest Canary a Pollyanna. Yeah. That sounds good already. And you also might try our melody restore and thistle food. Yeah. It's revived more songs than being Crosby. And this is a positive shore cure. A bottle from Philharmonic symphonic tonic for chronic lack of harmonics. Yeah. Which one would you care to try? Well, lady, we're in this thing so deep we might as well go the whole hog. Please, not in here. Oh, yeah. Well, we'll take all of them. Are you sure they'll work? Oh, any one of them would work. But if you put them all together, the boy will simply whistle you out of house and home. Oh, well, that's all we need to do then, eh? Oh, yes. But just to be on the safe side, you might try singing to him. Oh. But the idea is to get him to sing to us. That I understand. However, if you sing to him, it is only natural for him to show you how much better he can do. Oh, well, then we're all set. Three different kinds of medicine and also singing. Now we can't fail, can we? Oh, no, not a chance under the sun. But you might take along this card just to be on the safe side. A card? What's this? Oh, a Dr. D.J. Roller bird position. If everything else fails, let me put your birds in the Twitter. Let's all sing like the birdies sing... Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. Now Napoleon do... Or you'll meet Waterloo... Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. Come on, Napoleon! Sing! Oh, I guess it's no use, Uncle. Should we try another song, Uncle? What other song, LeRoy? How about that old one? Just a bird in a gill or sleeve cage. Yeah. Oh, brother. Yes. Say, Uncle, are you sure none of those remedies we bought at the pet store will work? How can they? Napoleon keeps kicking him out of the cage. All except the gargle, he sits in that. What about that bird doctor? Why don't you try him? Say, I'd forgotten all about him, Dr. Ruler. Yes. I'll take Napoleon there. And if I won't bring him back singing, I won't bring him back, period. Oh, excuse me. Is Dr. Ruler in? Yes. We are waiting for him, too. Uh, we? Yes. Me and Butch. See? Butch is a little Yorkshire cinnamon barf copy. What kind have you? Oh, just a plain sawed-off yellow sulker. Do you think a doctor will belong? Well, I don't think so. He's doing a plastic surgery operation. Is that so? A plastic surgery, eh? Yes. It's a nose-straightening job on a parrot. Well, I don't think I'll say that. It'll take all week. Oh, no. You may have our place. We're in no hurry. Oh, well, I don't know. I'm just about ready to give up canaries all together. Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Perhaps you don't realize all the joys and fun of owning a lovely little feathered companion. Do you have fun out of Butch? Oodle. And I'll be very sorry to part with him tomorrow, too. Oh, is something coming between you? Oh, yes. My mother-in-law. She's coming back, you'll say. Butch is really hers, you'll say. Only she doesn't call him Butch. She calls him a fluffy ruff-hole. Oh, yes. Well, that's too bad about her coming back. Oh, yes. And just when I had him trained so nicely. Uh, trained? Yes. Butch, you'll say, is a fighting canary. Oh, yeah. Now, don't say a word of this to my mother-in-law, but Butch has kicked the living die-lights out of half the canaries on the north side of town. Oh, well, I never knew people matched canaries in battles. Oh, yes, yes, indeed. Especially the lonesome men that people leave canaries with when they go away someplace. Yeah. It's a lot better than just sitting at home and listening to the darn thing singing almost. I agree with you. But why are you bringing him in here? Well, sir, before my mother-in-law gets home, I'm having the doctor do a little work on him. You see, likely he's developed something of a cauliflower beak. Oh, yes, I think I understand. Patient, please. Go ahead, sir. Thank you very much. Well, here we are, doctor. Just bring the cage in here. Thank you. Oh, that's a nice bird you have there. That seems to be the trouble. Well, doctor, it's something like this. Oh, excuse me. There's a five-dollar confrontation fee in advance. Oh, isn't that a lot for such a little bird? Mister, the smaller the patient, the more difficult to treat. Yes. Hummingbirds are $15 and ostriches are $1.25. Oh. I see your point. Harder to hold. Well, here you are. Thanks. Now, once again, what seems to be the trouble? Well, it's very simple. This bird, our Napoleon, doesn't sing. Well, that's a common affliction, especially in this particular species of bird. Yes, of course. Now, turn the cage around. Thank you. No question about it. That's it, all right. Knew it the minute I saw it. Well, for goodness' sake, tell me, what is it? Mister, as you should know, and apparently don't, there are two separate and distinct kinds of canaries. There are? Yes, the one-kind, happy, gay, carefree singing, practicing it all the time. Yes. Then the other-kind, sad, always worrying, busy and distracted, hardly ever letting out a peep. Well, this is all new to me. What are the names of these two different kinds of canaries? The kind that sings is called the male. The kind that doesn't sing is known as the female. Is that so? Yes. And this Napoleon you have here isn't a Napoleon at all. He's a Josephine. Oh! The great gilder slave will be with us again in a few minutes. But right now, let me ask you housewives a question. What is it that makes the difference between the meals prepared by a good cook and just an ordinary one? Well, in this man's opinion, it's flavor. Yes, it's that appetite-satisfying extra flavor that good cooks give to the dishes they serve. That's why so many good cooks are using delicious parquet margarine made by Kraft. They've discovered, you see, this important point. That because parquet is so delicious for table use, it adds flavor in cooking too. The extra flavor that makes the difference between a good and an ordinary cook. Yes, parquet margarine is a genuine flavor shortening for baking, not a bland, tasteless fat. Parquet is a delicious seasoning for hot vegetables too. And because parquet tastes so good itself, it makes pan-fried foods taste better. And it doesn't spatter or stick to the pan. Now, just because you'll be proud to serve parquet margarine at the table, don't think it's extravagant to use all you want in cooking. It isn't. Even though parquet is wholesome, nourishing, and perfectly delicious, it's so economical you'll be pleasantly surprised. So join the good cooks using parquet margarine and buy a pound or two tomorrow. Remember, it's parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. This Christmas list is getting me down. The guy's the judge hooker, a necktie for the mailman, and then for birdie. Let's see. Oh, Uncle Morse. What is it, Marjorie? I just thought of anything to give birdie for Christmas. Oh, yes, you bet I have. Good. What is it? Josephine. Good night. Original music heard on this program was composed and conducted by William Randall. This is Jim Vannon speaking for The Craft Cheese Company and inviting you to be with us again next week at this same time for the further adventures of The Great Gilders League. This is the National Broadcasting Company.