 My name is Matthew Coase. Welcome to Commitment Connection. Today we're going to be talking about the secret to connecting deeply with a man's heart so that he falls in love and today I have one of my favorite people in the world with us and that is Helena Hart. She is an amazing wonderful coach and we've been working together for a long time and it's really honestly it's really awesome. I don't get to interact with Helena as much as I'd like to and I'm really excited about doing this live stream today with Helena so thank you so much for being here with us today Helena. Oh my gosh you always like have me in tears every time we start a live stream because I love your words of appreciation. You're very welcome. I'm so excited. This is very last minute. I just finished a live stream on my channel and I gave him a call and he said I'm about to go live on Commitment Connection so I decided to join. So thank you guys so much. We're excited to be here. Yeah so today we're going to be talking a little bit about connecting with a man's heart and specifically what I'd like to start off with is talking a little bit about what prevents most women from connecting with a man's heart and what are some of the kind of the obstacles like what do they do that are mistakes like what do you think about that Helena. Oh that's a great question you know right off the top of my head I would say a lot of women try to connect with a man in the wrong way they try to they think maybe creating a physical connection or a really great mental connection is like the way into his heart and while obviously having a good physical connection and a mental connection even a spiritual connection those are all great things but they're not the right road to love so to speak and in other words the way to connect to a man's heart is always through your own heart first it's just the only way is I say that all the time is if you're up in your head trying to create some connection or do something physically or mentally because you think that's going to create you know stir something into creation with a man it's always the wrong way to go it's always about going deep within yourself and connecting to your own heart your own feminine energy and your own emotions and then expressing yourself coming from that place that's what connects to a man's heart and of course Matt I'd love to hear your perspective on that as a man too but yeah from my perspective if you're trying to make a man fall in love by connecting with him physically or mentally you might get a great friends with benefits you might get a great buddy or maybe business partner or something but that's not what makes a man fall deeply in love and and see you as that one woman he never wants to let go right yeah absolutely and and so I have a saying that I use for this which is get in your head and the date is dead right so if you get into your head and a lot of women do this and even guys do this right and what ends up happening is it becomes kind of this mechanical thing right because what a lot of women do is they'll get all up in their head or they have like they come to the date with this checklist of things that they're looking to do and looking to find out about this guy and so they come in and it's like you know it's like you're sitting down and a doctor is like diagnosing you or something like you know when was the last time you went on a date um how many women have you slept with and you know what uh what is your job and how much money do you make you know and it's just like for the guy I mean it you know depend like that specific conversation by the way is a horrible horrible conversation to have and and almost any guy that you have a conversation like that with will probably never want to see you again and so uh really what you want to do in my opinion because when uh if you're in your head even if it's not necessarily what I was just talking about but if you're in your head it's like when you're talking to a guy and a guy's talking to you even if he is like looking to have fun and and he's you know trying to connect with you they'll feel like there's something missing right it'll feel like you know like oh yeah I we have a lot of things in common and I get along with this person a lot and and it's fun talking to this person but it's not like it's not that passionate like wow like this woman is amazing and you know I just love talking to her and I just can't wait to see her again and you know I I gotta make sure I play my cards right and make sure that you know everything goes well so I don't you know run her off and and I gotta put in effort and you know I gotta make sure that I prove myself to her and she knows that you know I'm I'm good enough for her right which is the kind of the mindset that you'd prefer to have than the mindset of you trying to prove yourself to him and so uh if you're if you're just in your head that's what ends up happening right yeah to the space where it's it just it he doesn't feel it with you he doesn't feel that action and that's ultimately what you're looking for yeah absolutely and and I think that's when when men say and and we can do this too you're well they're really attractive sort of on paper it makes sense but I'm just not feeling it right it's that deeper connection wasn't created so yeah I'd love to get into some specifics on how to get out of your head and into your body it can be a difficult thing for everyone myself included especially if you really like someone you have strong feelings for them you're really attracted to them it can there's this tendency you don't want to go right up into your head what should I say next what's he's thinking what's he thinking does he like me is he having a good time all of these things kind of disconnect us from our true selves from our hearts and therefore block our ability to connect with him so yeah I'd love to go more in depth on how to do that yeah so what so what's what's one of the first ways that you do that if you wanted to yeah absolutely I can't I can't see the questions and comments coming in by the way if anyone has questions about their situation we'd love to answer to by the way before you you go into that Helena um yeah if you have a question about your situation put it in the chat if you just want to say hi and let us know where you are it's cool to see all these women all over the world watching these live streams so just say hi in the chat if you have a question let us know what it is and when we get done we'll we'll go through all the questions and find out what's going on with everyone yeah we love connecting with you guys I'm so happy to be here I'm so glad I decided to jump on with you last minute this is like so much fun I miss doing this so yeah um just if you want to give like a quick tool to get out of your head and into your body a lot of women have a hard time with this I can certainly struggle with this myself sometimes um it's all about connecting to your body so you can't really be up in your head analyzing a man or thinking or overthinking a situation and in your body at the same time so if you're having trouble connecting to a feeling go for a body sensation right just catch yourself everyone right right now can do this are you leaning forward do you feel some kind of tension in your body are you up in your head thinking or worried about something that might happen in the future or like beating yourself up over something that happened recently in the past these are things we hear about all the time for women right just imagine taking all of those thoughts and like dropping them down into your body and just seeing if you can feel some kind of like tension there you might feel some tension in your shoulders or your back or you might feel a knot in your stomach and just kind of place all your awareness there and actually lean back you can do this next time you're with a man actually physically lean back and just kind of put your awareness in your body and it sounds so simple but you can't be up in your head and doing this at the same time so this will kind of connect you to your heart it's kind of like a gateway into your deeper feelings so once you do that once you're kind of out of your head and into your body feelings might start to bubble up you might feel a sense of excitement or nervousness which is not a bad thing at all you might feel grief or sadness or something might start to come up you might just feel moved you might not be able to like put a label on it you might just feel some kind of vague emotion or maybe feel numb and just kind of put your awareness there and if you're doing this along with me you notice when you're doing this you stopped thinking about what's this guy thinking does he like me what how is this all going where's this relationship headed right and I know it sounds really simple but it's kind of like the most attractive thing in the world to a man if you are not so focused on him for a second you're just kind of in your body um intuiting what's going on around you really experiencing the moment feeling the air on your skin listening to him looking in his eyes much more attractive than being up in your head being super chatty trying to like keep the conversation going and ask him a million questions right Matt I mean what's your experience with this been yeah I mean it you know like I said before it's it's all about that connection and feeling yourself and feeling what's going on with you and and sometimes some women that I've talked to have kind of worried about like well what if I'm in kind of a bad mood or there's something else that's going on there and there's a couple different things that I have to say about that one is practice right there's there's a practice of connecting to yourself and connecting to your emotions and connecting to the emotions that you want to have I hear a lot of women sometimes talk to me and they're like well you know what if I'm in this kind of a mood then I'm just in that kind of a mood and that's just who I am and you know all that kind of nonsense right and a lot of people don't actually know that you can control the emotions that you're experiencing on a moment to moment basis like for instance let's say that you want to experience something where let's say that you want to experience feeling confident what you can do is just think about a time in your life where you experienced feeling confident and just get into that experience that you had and remembering a time in your life when you experience something in as much vivid detail as you can will actually trick your brain and turn your brain so that you start like actually physically emotionally experiencing that right now in the moment and so once you do that you can start feeling really confident or start feeling love or start feeling passion or start feeling whatever it is that you want to feel excitement right curiosity any of those positive emotions that allow you to connect more with somebody and kind of transfer there's this thing that I call the law of belief transference which is whoever's belief is the strongest transfers that belief onto somebody else well there's also a truth around that in regards to your emotions if you come to a situation and you're emotionally up and maybe you've had this happen with you before where somebody came over and maybe you were down and they were just like having fun and joking you know and and if they're stronger if they're like emotions are stronger they're more rooted in their emotion they'll actually pick you up and you'll start you know getting happy and and having fun too and you're like oh i'm so happy that you know you came over and talked to me because now all of a sudden i'm in this good mood right and so you can connect with your emotions and you can practice doing that and the more you practice being in certain emotions the more that you will naturally start to experience those and then when you get into your body it's not like this horrible weird thing it's like yeah i'm experiencing all this you know these amazing emotions that i have because i'm a woman and i'm filled with you know all these emotions in a way that a lot of guys aren't and then when you bring that to a man when you bring some emotions specifically emotions like playfulness right like there's this kind of playful this emotion where you know there's certain acts that you can do that are playful but there's also an experience of of who you are that can that is playful and when you bring that into a situation you're just having fun and you know you're just joking and you're just playing around and stuff that can be incredibly attractive to a guy because it it signifies youthfulness and it signifies you know all of these kind of feminine things and that that he ends up connecting to which creates curiosity in him and it starts making him have a fun time and you know if nothing else he's just enjoying you know you being there in your presence which is really really cool yeah it's interesting yeah i like how you said all that from my from my experience it's like as women we can be feeling all kinds of things all at the same time we can be feeling emotional about something that happened yesterday and we can be feeling really excited because we're with the guy that we really like um i just like 15 minutes ago just finished doing a live stream over on my channel on my uh my recent experience with major depression and some physical pain the issues i've been going through over the past year that's like triggered emotional pain and the fact that that doesn't make me any less magnetic or attractive to any desire that i have because it's it's a part of who you are in other words if you're cut off from one feeling you're cut off from them all so even just like sticking a toe in and and getting comfortable feeling something whatever that is even that if it is grief or sadness or something all the good feelings are right next to those but if you're resisting some of the negative feelings and you're trying to just to push them down and rise above them if you ever hear that term like what you resist persists the more you try and resist it and stuff it down and not feel your feelings the more you're cut off from all of those other feelings that that you describe like playfulness and joy they're all in there together at least that's the way i like to think of it so um you want to go into some of those things and really just feel them and and really love and accept and embrace um all of the feelings that are coming up in you even the ones that don't feel so good get going into them is like the way to get through them and onto the next better feeling place in my experience yeah for sure and and i'm i'm guessing that some of the women that are watching this right now are probably like yeah but how how am i going to connect with this heart how does this have anything to do with connecting to his heart and this has everything to do with connecting to his heart because if you're not in your emotions and you're not connecting to your emotions and you're holding on to you know just you know all kinds of different emotions that you're not you're not open to and you're not allowing yourself to fully experience what's going to end up happening is he's going to feel that when you're around him right he's going to feel that you're kind of closed off he's going to feel that you're kind of attached and you're resisting kind of these things that are going on in you and you're going to have these outbursts and stuff because that's just what naturally happens and and when you're in it you don't even know that you're in it you don't know that those are things that are you're expressing and are coming out of you but everybody else around you can sense it or they can feel it or they look at you and they're like oh there's something weird going on with her right and so you definitely have to get through and and i don't want to call it like cleansing or anything but it's you know just getting through those emotions and any kinds of you know resistance that you've built up to any types of emotions that are going on you know pains that you have in your past or or whatever that you have you know you you need to go through those emotions either go through them or or change your story around them right that's another way to change things is change your emotional state is to completely change the story that you have around your emotions because if you change your story you know like for instance um i have a story that many of the women on our channel have heard before where i talk about how uh you know my my mom and my dad basically abandoned me when i was younger right like they my mom one day just dropped me off at my dad's house and my dad one day sent me to go live with my grandmother and and from those experiences i felt really abandoned and for a long time in my life i felt like i had to prove myself to the world and so i came from this place of lack and people knew it right because i was constantly trying to prove that i was worthy for people's friendships and for relationships i was in and you know all these things and i was always coming from a place of lack and i was always trying to prove myself and what ends up what ended up happening for me was i had a realization one day that that you know my family actually loved me when i was a child and that i was actually born into love and when i switched my story from the story of i was this kid that was abandoned by my parents to the story of i was born in love and my parents loved me and they did the best they could with me and you know things happened and they didn't know what to do all of a sudden it went from i'm trying to prove myself all the time to you know i feel really strong and powerful in myself and i have more than enough love to give to other people i don't have to hold on to it i don't have to suck it out of other people i don't you know i'm not needy and desperate and clean and stuff for this love and and i'm not i'm not gonna you know push love away from me because i'm i'm i'm enough as i am and i can accept anybody's love and gifts and you know whatever else they have and so i'm not sure what this the point was to that one no i love that should be your story that is beautiful and if i've ever heard you talk about in that way before shifting your story shifting your perspective in terms of getting into your emotions right i think that's really great i think that's great yeah i love what you said too men people in general but especially men i think are really sensitive they can feel the disconnect in other words if you're feeling really upset or angry or something like that on the inside but you're trying to like play it cool or paste a fake smile on your face and you're just kind of quiet and trying to hold it together on the outside men can feel that they can feel the disconnect they can feel the stuff in the air and the incongruence in your vibe and it makes them feel either unsafe to come close to you often or it makes them feel like they can't trust you because you don't feel safe with yourself or expressing yourself so i think it's much better just to let it all out of course you don't want to just like do this emotional vomit on a guy or blame him or make him wrong but just saying like wow you know yeah i had it felt a little emotional today or i felt sad watching that part of the movie or something like that that's what um builds the intimacy and connects you with his heart if you're truly feeling that way on the inside then then you can get through it on to the other side rather than stuffing it down resisting it trying to be perfect trying to put your best foot forward always that disconnect is what kind of blocks his ability to get close to you in my experience yeah absolutely for sure yeah for sure there's also ways um you know just what's your philosophy on life i know in my newest program connect with his heart i talk about coming from a fear paradigm or kind of like lost prevention or pain prevention mode versus a pleasure paradigm and the pleasure paradigm is where it's at and this is kind of just like a mindset that you can embody in life um do you mind if i go in there did you want to talk about this a little bit go ahead okay yeah um new concept from from my from my newest program connect with his heart i believe you include a link to that right yeah yeah there's a link uh either above or below this video you can go and check out our program if you want to it's called connect with his heart it's a great great program lots of women that have gotten it so far have loved it and has helped them out a lot so yeah um brand new concepts one of them being yeah are you coming from this fear paradigm where you're constantly trying to safeguard yourself against all these bad things that might happen so much in the time we're almost like expecting bad things to happen we think if we can like think about all the bad things that might happen that somehow we're keeping ourselves safe but it's kind of the opposite because we kind of end up making that come true you always kind of get what you expect like pretty much all the time right deep down i'm talking about your deeper beliefs about yourself and about the world the kind of men that are out there um and or you know like the kind of love you deserve i always say uh what you accept in a relationship is a measure of what you think you deserve deep down so really something to take a look at if you're accepting crumbs tolerating bad behavior or anything that doesn't feel good to you you might be hanging on to that relationship because there's like a fear that maybe there's nothing better out there for you or that you can't do any better than this maybe this is all that you can get right so you just want to take a look at some of these things it's often running on an unconscious level we're not even aware of it versus coming from a pleasure paradigm now this would be connecting to your true self like we talked about the beginning connecting to your heart your feminine energy whatever you want to call it the part of yourself that knows that things are always working out for you and then if you have a desire for for a close connected relationship that of course you can have that there's there's a way to it and it's just an absolute guarantee to you once you connect to that part of yourself connecting to your pleasure paradigm and then interacting with a man coming from that place that's another way to connect with this heart because you're connected to like the whole of you is there you're not like fragmented off and just trying to like show parts of yourself and hold other parts back and um you can get very like disconnected from yourself and then there's no way you can connect to another person especially if a you know a man if you're disconnected from yourself like that now it's a huge concept i hope i'm explaining it in a way that's clear what do you think about all that matt well if you're not explaining it in a way that it's clear my suggestion is that if you're hearing this and you're like hmm i'm not sure about that what do i think about it go and click the link in the description above or below this or go to holena's site and check out connect with his heart program you can learn more about it right there and if you're interested in purchasing it go ask any asking any questions live if you guys have questions do i know it's a huge concept it's like basically a whole paradigm shift for the way you see the world um you can just start becoming i'm aware of it am i coming from a fear paradigm am i um am i immediately shutting myself down every time i get close to a man because i'm scared a lot of times we say we want a close connection and then the second we get it we shut ourselves down and freeze up well that's probably some kind of unconscious system you have running that it's not safe to open up it's not safe to share your heart with someone so um we all want intimacy and that we're we're kind of scared of it at the same time you know on some level we're afraid we're gonna like merge too much with the other person and at the same time we kind of want that and so that's what i talk about in that program i did that program with my fellow coach and friend leah lake who many of you know and love so yeah any questions you guys have i would love to answer them all right let's go over some questions here just see what people are saying katherine says hi from main your advice in these videos has been very helpful for one who is just reentering the dating scene after the end of a 30 year marriage just getting my feet wet well hello and thanks for being here cat says hi y'all hi cat tracy says hi from Idaho it's good um it's good to see i'm actually going to be in Idaho tomorrow it's like the dogs are i was just in Idaho a couple weeks ago i feel like that's for new zealand lots of people diana says hi matt hi helena how are you guys this evening we're doing great thanks for asking yeah um these dogs are really barking a lot can you hear the dogs a little bit a little bit yeah um let's see what else do we have here um christina says i start to overthink when i'm focusing on my body have you heard about that before oh gosh yeah who hasn't experienced that as i don't know about you but every woman i was just talking about this on the live stream i just did on my channel yeah we all it can be um we don't always feel comfortable in our skin we all have insecurities we right um so maybe that's something to go into maybe maybe don't try it when you're with your man or on a date with a new guy but try it when you're in yourself and maybe kind of just do a little meditation where you're actually going in and feeling a little more comfortable in your body um you have to be able to do it by yourself if you ever want to do it with a man especially a man you have strong feelings for so yeah very um it's those things that you're insecure about that a man is actually going to love you for i know that sounds crazy but it's actually true it's those things that we perceive to be our flaws our insecurities that actually make us unique it's like our our essence like our feminine essence that our unique kind of flavor that sets you apart from every other woman it's those things that a man is going to see and love about you you know so you want to start loving those things about yourself has to happen first yeah and another thing i just want to mention like what was what Helena was saying is that sometimes we have like techniques and stuff you don't have to wait until you're on a date to try it out right like especially like with getting in your body and getting in your emotions you don't want to wait until you're on a date and then you're like oh my god i'm doing this thing that i've never done before you know if if you do it at home first and you experience it within yourself and you're experiencing it then it's not like this weird thing when you're on a date and you're like oh i don't know what i'm doing right now and this right is this right right because you you did it at home and you tried it a bunch of times at home and you experience what you want to experience and you figured out whether it works and how it works and and and what you're doing with it when you're at home and then when it you're out on a date it's like it's easier to do because you've been practicing it and you've already done it and so it's not like this brand new thing that you're trying to do who was that that asked the question was it uh it was Christina Christina that's right yeah um yeah i start to overthink when focusing on my body i love that it the it pops up but so yeah uh try going into that to be try try going into your body like let's say insecurity comes up i know this sounds weird but just try riffing on that say i love my insecurity and i also love the part of me that hates my insecurity right so you're loving embracing and accepting all these different parts that are coming up when you they might seem to be in conflict fighting against each other but when you start to like pour love over all of them and accept all of them they start to kind of work together rather than against each other all right so let's see div chap says i meet a great guy we were casual for two months he invested a lot he said he wanted to go slow and just get to know me we even went away together for a weekend i want more than just casual so one of the things i i have to say about that and one of the things i talk about specifically in the forever woman program is making sure that you are taking care of yourself and making sure that you're getting into a good situation for you a lot of times women and i get it right a lot of times women come to me and they're like you know i've been doing you know i'm already in this situation and i've already screwed up and there's always these weird things going on already right like what do i do now and and and i get that right i get i understand that like most people come to me when they're in a problem situation they're not coming to me because they're like oh everything's great i think i'll go talk to matt host and see if i can get some tips i mean we do have some women that do that but for the most part it isn't but my suggestion is that you follow what i talk about in the forever woman program and make sure that you are you know not giving yourself completely one of the things that we talk about and one of the things i talk about in the program is you don't want to jump in the pool before he's even decided whether he wants to go swimming or not right because a lot of women they jump in the pool right and they start swimming around and they're like i'm committed i'm in this i'm doing this right and the guy's like up on you know he's up on the deck like i didn't even want to go swimming you know like what are you doing i think i'm gonna go to this other party over here and i mean talk to these other people right and you're like oh what happened you know and you've done all this and you you know you're like in there with one of those like you know like tube things and stuff and you got your party hat on and you're like wait a second i thought we were in this you know and so you want you want to make sure that he's in it he's in it for what you want and you want to make sure that he's interested in the type of relationship that you want and that he's investing in the right ways and that he's emotionally connected and you know more than anything you know what i'm looking at here and i'm missing when i look at what you're saying is that you're not saying anything about what he wants you're just saying we've been casual he invested a lot you know he said he wanted to go slow and just get to know me you know it's like and then we went together for a weekend it's like you know have you talked to him about what he's looking for in a relationship because it doesn't sound like you have maybe you have but you know that's definitely something that you want to consider before you jump into a relationship or jump into a situation you know i'm not sure if you're you've been getting physically intimate or not you didn't really say you said you've been casual you know that might mean that you've been physically intimate i don't know but my suggestion is that you don't get physically intimate with him and if you have that you pull that back out and you only reserve that for somebody that you get into an exclusive relationship with if you're not getting into an exclusive relationship with him my suggestion is that you don't get physically intimate you don't give him everything and you wait to make sure that he's interested in what you're interested in that he's willing and agreeing to being in the type of relationship that you want to be in and that he's emotionally connected and invested which it sounds like he is invested at least so did you have anything you want to say about that well yeah i love what you said i knew you were going to say all of that i think that's perfect um it it didn't say that he said he wants to take things slow and he's invested a lot it's has did he specifically say he just wants to keep it casual it doesn't sound like that's what he said so um there's a difference between taking it slow get it to know each other and he's investing that actually sounds good here's here's a follow-up from her she says he texted yesterday after 10 days of no contact asked for a drink he's not putting in any effort and i think he just wants sex it really hurt because i liked him so much i've stopped texting oh yeah i mean 10 days no contact it's he's not it doesn't sound like he's uh like we talked about the beginning of this video and matt's saying like when the guy's like i need to make sure i prove myself to her and get in her schedule and move things forward doesn't sound like he's there at all so yeah i would pull back on it depends on where you're at with it but yeah my suggestion is that you follow my system the forever woman program and start using that because that is designed to get you into a relationship that you're cherished and you're loved and and if you want that program go to the foreverwomanformula.com and check that out yeah okay so next question so shelly says can you guys keep elaborating regards to this for when you meet people i do it by myself by being myself i had a friend told me he told a friend of his he left he felt closer to me because when we talk we have those deep conversations so he said he felt the connection was stronger than towards his other friend um okay do you understand that question yeah i mean so so it sounds like uh i mean what i'm missing here is is what you're actually talking about right like so so you're like okay i went and met it sounds like you met a friend right and your other friend said that he felt closer to you because you have deep conversations so he said he felt the connection was stronger than towards his other i mean i don't know are you talking about friendships are you talking about a relationship it's not very clear to me exactly what what it is you're talking about and what it is you want what is are you interested in is this a guy a friend you're interested in give us a little more information but it sounds like you're doing it if you if you were able to connect to yourself and then have a conversation express yourself you see it working right there he said he felt closer to you so it sounds like you're doing great maybe you want more from him than what he's offering me that's like maybe the missing piece there sounds like you're doing a really good job from what you said yep okay so next one is angie says hi helena and matthew i've been dating a guy he's not exactly local to me but he wants to chat every day messages through the day and a chat in the evening he says he loves me at the end of every voice message any thoughts please yeah first we both jump in at the same time go ahead i just first off i want to say i want to make sure that you you need to make sure that you're protecting yourself right like the it sounds very fishy right there's a guy who's not exactly local he's like love bombing you you know talking about how he loves you he's talking to you all the time right like first off you need to make sure this guy's not a scammer and so if if at any point in time he asks you for money for anything at all ever you don't give him any money ever for anything ever in any way no matter what it is don't ever give any money to any kind of interaction with him to is make sure that you video chat with this person to make sure that they're an actual real person and have you met in person have they met in person it doesn't sound like it doesn't sound like they've met in person and so you definitely want to you know you don't want to get overly invested in something that's just over messenger right you don't ever want to do that because and third you need to make sure that you use my program right the forever woman formula because if you're not using that program which it sounds like you're not because you're using usually women who are using the program have different problems right like this problem where you're like there's this guy i've never met him i've never met him he's long distance you know he's saying that he loves me and he talks to me all the time it's like you know you probably wouldn't even be dealing with that guy if you were using the program and you had abundance and you had a you know a your was rory carl circular dating right if you were circular dating and you're meeting a bunch of guys and and you know they're kind of competing for your attention and all that kind of stuff you probably wouldn't be with this you know talking about this guy that is not you know somewhere else who's chatting with you he's telling you he's loving you right and you know next step is really that he's going to start saying that he wants to get married to you right the whole thing sounds like a scam to me so if i were you i would be very cautious about this person what do you think alana yeah it's different if you've met in person but you're kind of long distance but you see each other if you've never met a guy and he's saying i love you that is a giant red flag to me huge red flag um so just be careful yeah just don't don't get all caught up in it because women can get women can feel connected and really and all that stuff over messenger and texting men don't really feel connected that way like you know what i mean it's like we that women can fall in love and feel all this stuff where the man isn't necessarily there even though he like says he is and then you meet in person it typically isn't what you've built it up to be in your mind so yeah just be careful yeah i've i've heard in a lot of stories like that too where i've heard women who have gotten or men you know both that have like really connected with somebody over messenger and then they meet the person and the person's you know a hundred pounds more than what they showed in the pictures or they're you know 10 years older or they're you know this and there's that and they're you know they don't really connect and they're like totally invested and it's like this weird awkward thing now totally and one person like went to like the other person's city and like they got a hotel together and now it's super awkward you know and it's just one of those situations that you you don't want to run into something like yeah we've heard it so many times yeah so many times so many times yeah just be careful it's not real until you've met in person nothing means anything it's not real don't give any weight to it unless you've actually met him in person okay yeah all right next one arine says program works amazingly ladies trust me love it yes yeah so shelly says how do you know that he's being receptive how do you know that he's being receptive so i have a a general rule for you to think about and i i talk about this in the forever woman gold club membership and what it is is that you should always just assume that he's interested in you right assume that he's connecting with you right like you don't in terms of him like actually being uh emotionally connected you're looking for a movement forward but if you're just looking for like is he receptive is he interested you know just if he's there you know if he's doing things if he's going on dates with you if he's you know around you if he's it's we i call it proximity right if he's getting around you if he's being near you that means that he's he's got some level of receptivity right whether he's actually connecting is another thing altogether right and what you want to look for in that is you know is he moving forward is he trying to push things forward is he trying to push things towards the type of relationship that you want uh halena i know has lots of experience with this i was just saying matt gives the best advice matt is hands down the first person i go to whenever i need relationship advice so i talk to matt like every other day and he is so spot on literally i he just gives the best advice ever so if you haven't checked out his program please go check it out it's you you'll see the testimonials i mean women are loving it he gives incredible advice so yes follow everything that says i certainly do it yeah it's phenomenal cool um all right let's go on to the next one so bunny bunday says listening during my 200 mile commute to see boyfriend cool awesome yes she's in our community she's like go go uh check out our community on facebook the goddess community i know bunny bunday's in there we she's um her connection yes love it she shared a recent success story over in our community on facebook i remember so happy to hear that julie says i love you matthew i've learned a lot from you i read your lessons all the time awesome yeah let's see what else do we have sunday says i shut down when men try to get physical with me and i don't know them very well yet really creeps me out and i don't want to see them again yeah i mean that sounds that sounds pretty normal yeah i mean it's what do you mean by get physical they go to touch your arm or are they trying to make out with you on the first date you know there's different if you it's one of those things there's like levels of severity with everything right like there's this woman one time i i think i was doing a video about like uh it was like hot and cold men or something like that and she was like yeah my guy is hot and cold every day and i'm like like what do you mean by that what do you mean he's hot and cold every day and she's like well he just he stopped talking to me at some point and i'm like oh like that's actually a normal thing right and so when you say like i shut down when men try to get physical with me it's like what do you mean by that right like is it because it could be a normal thing right like if he's trying to get physically intimate with you and you haven't really gotten to know him yet like that's pretty normal right that's like healthy that you get shut down that a guy's trying to like you know move physically forward with you and you guys don't even know each other yet but there's also these extremes like what Helena was talking about where it's like you know he touched you maybe he's like a touchy feely guy and he touches you on the arm and you're like oh my god you know i'm shutting down yeah yeah i'm keeping up men are supposed to want to get close to you physically they're supposed to want to push things it's not a bad thing at all it's a compliment he thinks you're sexy that's a great thing and you are in total control of this and you can always take a step back you can always you know if you keep attracting men who only seem to really like charge forward physically very quickly and it's like too much too soon that might be something to take a look at but yeah it's okay it's okay for me because you trust yourself right you're not going to put yourself in a situation where it's dangerous or something like that where you can't get yourself out of it just just trust yourself and and just catch yourself when you start to freeze that might just be your intuition totally right on or it might be like you freeze up anytime a guy goes to touch you or something you know mm-hmm yeah all right so and sherry says okay about feeling emotions what if you're feeling angry towards him i get carried away by sending angry messages how can i channel it differently so i don't scare him off that's a good question so did did you want to answer this first oh yeah sending angry messages is probably not the right way to go you know maybe you can say i'm feeling it just depends on the situation maybe tell us a little more i'm feeling a little triggered right now i feel good to talk about this at some point what do you think or when would be a good time and maybe talk it out in person rather than i know i mean so so many people do the long paragraphs angry text messages right i would try to not have those conversations over text wait until you're in person or at least on the phone because men can just get bombarded with and it just makes them want to shut down and not want to deal with it usually right matt yeah and it makes them not want to meet up with you ever again for first thing i want to say is that you shouldn't be having big long conversations over text message yes that's my suggestion yeah i mean if you're in a deep you know deep in a relationship sometimes things are different or if you're like long a distance sometimes or things are a little bit different but even still in those situations i still suggest that you try to keep texting and sending messages down to a minimum and you focus on the meetup right the magic is in the meetup remember the magic is in the meetup and so that's one thing right that's one thing that's the kind of the tactical side of things from the other side of things from the emotional side of things what i would do if i were you is i would check into why you're feeling angry why you're feeling so angry all the time and for me like i i've experienced a lot of anger in my life and what i noticed was that i get angry when i feel like i'm not in control and so if i don't feel like i'm in control i end up getting like i get upset and i get angry and you know i can you know spiral into me being just angry and i'm just like you know and then usually something will trigger where i'm like okay what's going on here because i know with me if i'm angry it's because i i feel like i'm out of control and so i start focusing on things that i do control and then all of a sudden everything shifts like immediately because when i'm focusing on things that i control i start progressing towards things that i want in my life which makes me happy and excited right and so one is kind of your focus like what are you focusing on what is it that's making you angry right is it something that's going on with him is it something that's going on with you is it something that's going on with both of you is it you know what what is it in your life that's making you so angry and kind of check in with that and figure out what that is because you can shift that right you can shift that anytime you want to and if you've created what i call an anchor right like there's the emotional anchors right if if if you are in a relationship and you meet with your boyfriend or spouse or significant other and you're angry all the time eventually you're going to create an anchor around them where you're angry all the time and so you see their face and you're angry right and so it takes breaking that and changing how who you are how you experience things around that person so that you're not so angry all the time or maybe there's things that are going on in the situation you know maybe he's doing something that's you know not appropriate or maybe you're doing something that's not appropriate it's kind of hard to know without you kind of elaborating on what's going on in your situation what do you have to say about this i would totally agree with it yeah why are you so are you tolerating bad behavior you're tolerating something doesn't feel good to you is he like you know disappearing and you're like just over texting him trying to begin you know like what's he doing are you holding on to this when he's really not treating you all that well or something something's causing the anger right so yeah i love what you said maybe getting in touch with that too yeah for sure all right so let's see what else do we have here abadel feed says i'm single since i was born i don't know if you're jen says matt you're right alexander says i'm late just a little bit just a little bit linda says hello matthew and helena becky says all right let's see becky says should love be tested example if the love is strong enough it will survive my ex came back to me told me his love for me was never lost he hasn't dated anyone the last year of being divorced yet he is moving to another state and wants to keep seeing me but not as a girlfriend he feels it's a unique opportunity to see if the love lasts while he finds himself what do you have to say about that well something doesn't something sounds weird about that to me what do you think i think the whole thing sounds weird it's you know what it sounds like it sounds like um he wants to he wants to keep you on the hook and try to find somebody better but if he doesn't he still has you on the hook just in case and he wants to try to get his needs met which he desperately isn't getting met anymore because he hasn't found anybody else and so he pulls you back in but not for the kind of relationship that you want to have just for kind of something casual because he doesn't want to uh now i'm going off on a rant about what's going on yeah then he gets everything he gets you kind of waiting in the wings and he gets to go find himself yeah without knowing more details i would suggest letting that connection go if you need to go find yourself go find yourself if you still feel this way you know come back when you're ready if i'm still available then we can talk it's probably the way i would go about it yeah one of the things that i say is i talk about this concept about which is called being sacred right creating the sacred environment around yourself right sacred making it so that you believe that your body sacred so that your time sacred your energy sacred your connection is sacred right your intimacy is sacred and you're not when you believe that it's sacred you treat it differently right you don't just give it away to anybody you're not just giving your body away to anybody you're not giving your you know your intimacy away to just anybody he has to uh rise up to a certain standard in order for you to even acknowledge it and be willing to to be in that situation with him and so if he's coming to you saying hey i just want something that's casual and we aren't going to call ourselves boyfriend girlfriend but we're still going to see each other it's like is that what you want because i don't think it is and so my suggestion is that you don't get in that situation you don't let him do that with you and you say to him you look you say look if you're interested in something real let me know and at that time you know if i'm still single then maybe we can talk and you know if not then you know maybe i'll be seeing somebody else i have no idea but i'm not going to you know close myself off to other people while you try to figure yourself out exactly you can either you can be either in on this all in on this or not or we can just do nothing right it's you guys have been have too much history behind each other and with each other to be playing games like this you know and so i agree yeah and but what what reason would he have to go all in and this is assuming that you want a full time you know close connected relationship with him again what reason would he have to make that decision if he has you when he wants you he doesn't really have to fully commit so yeah if you want all in he knows you well enough if you were married to this man or he's your ex or something he should know right to kind of have this half-hearted connection string just kind of connecting you in my experience my opinion it never really leads to that full on relationship if he just gets the sense that you're going to be waiting around forever yeah and he you know you might end up getting trapped in this and it's just it's not good for you my suggestion is you just stay just stay out of it just stay out of it all together all right let's see what else do we have here do be do be do be do Maria says huh gonna look over it Maria says hi Matthew and Helena Helena's like got the ninja thing going on then seeing a guy consistently for about two months he is in chase mode and I am keeping an open heart because of my limited availability being a single mom he's the only one that I am dating and he is in contact with me via text and phone a couple times a week and we see each other one to two times a week so I think he is only seeing me so my question is how can I bring up exclusivity in a feminine way so he's in chase mode you've been seeing him consistently okay that sounds good it sounds like things are going great you know two months he's consistent you're seeing him a couple times a week he's in constant communication found that sounds like things are really good what's the rush to bring up exclusivity are you sleeping with him have you guys been sexually intimate have you had the sexual exclusivity conversation is it what what what is this need to bring this up is my question but what do you think Matt can a woman bring up exclusivity in a feminine way of course there are ways to do that but what would your suggestion be I'm curious well my suggestion is that you don't bring it up unless you're so my suggestion one is that you don't get physically intimate with a guy unless you have exclusivity that's my suggestion hands down and if you are physically intimate with him already then my suggestion is that you don't get physically intimate with him again until you guys get exclusivity and if you're not physically intimate with each other my suggestion is that you don't talk about it at all until he starts moving towards trying to get physically intimate with you and that's when you bring it up if he has no already and so that's what I suggest in that regards I like that yeah I was gonna say it's so interesting these days how how the whole sex thing kind of triggers the exclusivity conversation so let's say he goes to move things I'm just curious because I love getting your opinion it's always so spot-on let's say he goes to have sex with her next time they haven't done it yet what would you suggest that she say well I would say so I don't have the exact wording I talk about this specifically in my how to talk to a guy program which you can get on my website at commitmentconnection.com and what I what I say here's what I suggest you say is I suggest you say something like you know I don't I don't get when I'm physically intimate with somebody I'm only physically intimate with with one person I don't I don't like to sleep around and I don't like to see other people and I also would want that that the person that I'm being physically intimate with to be exclusive with me as well you know and that that's kind of the the first kind of pre-framing for the conversation and then you can just ask a question like what do you think about that or how do you feel about that or you know like does that you know or if you want to kind of throw it and kind of give him a an air of being free what you can do is say something like um you know if if you think that you're interested because if you say something like that a lot of guys if he's like really interested in you he'll be like before you even ask him a question he'll be like don't don't even worry about that of course you know I'm totally I'm totally interested in that you know and he might even bring up more that he's interested in at that point because you've initiated that conversation but if he doesn't right you can always say something like um you can either ask him like how he feels about that what he thinks about that or you can ask him or you can say look if you know at any point in time you know you decide that you you're interested in somebody else just let me know so that you know uh you know I know that we're not just you know it's not just the two of us anymore right yeah and that that kind of gives him this era of freedom where he can you know go off and do he doesn't feel like you're trying to trap him but at the same time he's he's being you know you're making sure that he's being respectful of you and just asking him if he agrees to that right and if he says yes then he's agreed to it and um you can assuming that you trust this guy which hopefully you do trust this guy because if you're you know hooking up with some guy you don't trust who lies a lot and does that kind of stuff you're you're putting yourself into a bad situation anyway. No sounds like he sounds like a good good sounds like everything is right on track I don't think you have anything to worry about I love what Matt said you know uh would you feel incredible to sleep with you I feel so good being close with you and you know I know you can even say like I feel a little awkward and this is something we haven't talked about yet but you know something about me that you might you know something about me is that I uh I feel comfortable doing that within the context of a committed relationship um what what about you what do you think and he'll just like Matt said likely a guy like this is gonna go oh yeah definitely and just sign on for that right away yeah if that's what he wants yeah absolutely okay um we're kind of hitting the top of the hour here so thank you everybody for being with us today uh I really appreciate you uh coming and um allowing me allowing Helena and I to be a part of your journey and attracting and getting into the relationship that you've always wanted and trusting in us and our information and and helping and allowing us to guide you help guide you towards what it is that you want you know so many women in our community have had successes especially recently we've we've been you know hearing about these women getting married and all these kinds of things and it's just it's really awesome to see women go from a place where they feel really stuck to getting into you know feeling empowered and getting into a relationship where they're where they're loved and they're cherished and they're they're with a guy who makes them the priority and and puts them first and you know takes care of them and you know is communicating and it's just so so cool and so awesome to see and so I'm just so grateful to be a part of this community and we have some of the most amazing women in the world as a part of our community some of the most beautiful smartest most amazing just women and in all kinds of different areas and so make sure you're a part of our community if you're not already there should be a link above or below this video if you want to go check out Helena's connect with your heart connect with your connect with your heart broke then like the videos like yeah i know it's like i'm always so like my microphone's getting and i'm trying like i'm like trying to touch the wrong direction yeah connect with this heart in the description also check out matt's program the forever woman oh my good are you still doing the free trial for that yes yes yeah oh my gosh we get so much great feedback on that so definitely check that out matt i'm telling you first person i go to for advice always so he hears from me all the time and yeah his advice is incredible so many great testimonials from from his program too yeah so thank you so much for being here with us um it's it's a total honor and we will speak with you again soon yeah take care