 So I collaborated with tonight's conversation both on my podcast lovers and friends and during their live show. And in both those instances, the conversation around the superiority of Toxic Dick came up quite a bit. No, Toxic Dick is amazing. We didn't say that. I'm just saying now that you know what comes with Toxic Dick, right? Stress, countless hours in therapy, you might wanna have Safe Secure Dick. Safe Secure Dick's good too. Or just take the dick and not the toxicity that comes with it. No, because that's what people think that they can do and they can't. That's what I meant. You can't deal with this person. You guys are toxic together but there's a benefit to them so you stay. So if it's the dick, you wanna stay for the dick but you know that you guys get into fights all the time. It's just an unhealthy, unbalanced environment but you stay for the dick. No. Why don't we kill men? Have you ever had hairy up sex with Toxic Dick? No. So the complacency- Have you ever had hairy up sex with Toxic Dick? Like oh my God, I don't wanna be here right now. That's the niggie that you excited. You lit the candles before he comes over. What I mean is relationship sex is a lot more mid and we need to- Relationship sex is beautiful. No, come on. Relationship sex is everything I've ever asked for. You just said that it's come on, just hurry up and finish. Have you ever fake a shake with a Toxic Dick? Or is it just your relationship that you fake a shake? I keep saying Toxic Dick. But because what I mean is most women's sex, they have two types of sexes. They have the nigga they're not supposed to be fucking and the nigga that they are actually fucking, right? So you got these two, you got the guys that you might lust, the guys who other girls might, and you just got your turn with him and then you got your boyfriend, right? And then it's like all right, with your sexual experiences, how many of the legs shaking, orgasmic experiences, like what's the orgasm ratio between your partner and then the Toxic Dick that you're having? Because in my mind. The Toxic Dick that we get usually present themselves as a potential partner. So we think we're getting relationship sex all the time. Now I don't know about you, but I am Team Healthy Dick and I'm using Dick kind of like in the big dick energy kind of way. It's genderless. In essence, I am all about partners who are ethical, who are consent based, who are open, explorative, honest, and above all else want it to be a pleasurable experience for everyone, whether it be for the short term or the long term. So I want to help Healthy Dick defeat Toxic Dick, which is why I am giving away all of Toxic Dick's secrets in this video. Oh, hey, I didn't see you there. Are you a creator? Are you looking for a digital fortress for your online ideas? 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That's what I wanna break down in this video using three different buckets. Buckets number one, we're gonna talk about the difference between long-term mating strategies and short-term mating strategies. Next, I wanna talk about Dennis theory and mind manipulation. And lastly, I wanna talk about the power of erotic ambiguity and erotic attention. All right, let's talk about short-term mating skills versus long-term mating skills. And even though from a bird's eye perspective, it's kind of the same tools you need for both. The aim of the game is sort of similar. They're very distinct. Kind of like mini-putt versus actual golfing. So when somebody is very good at short-term mating skills, liken that to being great at mini-putt. And somebody who is really great at long-term mating skills is an exceptional golfer. We could go on and on about what it takes to be a good long-term lover, but in this video, we're just gonna focus on the short-term mating skills. First and foremost, if you want to excel at short-term mating, you need to have confidence, at least initial introductory confidence. So I boil down confidence to I pick me energy. Low self-esteem is often associated with pick me energy. So when you have I pick me energy, you walk into a room and you would genuinely choose yourself. You're not hoping or wishing or praying that someone picks you in your mind. You have already decided that you are interesting, that you are worthy, that you are enough, that you are fascinating, that you are a great lover. So you have I pick me energy. If somebody said, hey, you could have sex with anybody in this room, who would you choose to have sex with? First and foremost, you'd pick yourself. Which I don't know if that translates, but yeah, you'd pick yourself. In our easy access culture of seemingly unlimited options, a lot of us struggle with something called choice paralysis where there's so many things to pick from that we get anxious even thinking about where to invest our time and energy. So when you're around somebody who has that sure fire I pick me energy, that puts you at a sense of ease, that you have made a good decision because that person has decided that they are good enough. For short-term mating strategies, of course it's helpful if you're physically attractive or if you understand how to be physically appealing to the target audience that you have selected. It's also helpful if you have charisma, good banter, if you're funny. But the other skill that people hugely overlook is someone's pickup and brush off game. So who's a better salesperson? The individual who works at a high-end store that interacts with 15 potential customers per day or the person who works at the mall cart who interacts with 500 plus potential customers per day. The truth is they're just very different skills. The person who interacts with 500 plus customers needs to have exceptional pickup and brush off skills. Pickup skills, they have to know how to create fast, meaningful, memorable connections with multiple people, how to pick up on that person's energy, how to build rapport while that person is seemingly on the move. Brush off, they have to be able to not take it personal and be on to the next if that person isn't interested in engaging with them further. It's a very distinct set of skills that takes tough skin and loads of practice. Now I say this to say because many women in particular still believe that if someone really likes them that they will approach them. Not everybody is meant to work at the mall cart and just because somebody works at a mall cart doesn't mean they're gonna be a better romantic partner than the person who works in the department store who is waiting for an interested customer who is looking to make an investment to walk in and express interest first. The second reason why Toxic Dick is so enticing is the same reason why McDonald's has eight billion served or 24 billion, whatever the fuck the number is by this point. Now as McDonald's or any other fast food chain providing superior product that explains why they have so many repeat customers and such staying power in the market, absolutely not. We all know that this food is pleasurable going down and that's pretty much where it ends and yet we find ourselves back there. Why? Because they've studied the human brain and they know how to manipulate and hack into it. They understand how to feed people but still keep them hungry. And in essence, people who have Toxic Dick or who keep you in a toxic loop have essentially learned a strategy that also allows them to have repeat, albeit unhappy customers. And I talk about this in my video on dentist theory. The D in dentist theory stands for demonstrate value. And if you are a fan of pickup artistry like I am, you know, demonstrate value is a foundational principle but guides pretty much all initial interactions. You want to get together with somebody and almost immediately find a way to make yourself indispensable, interesting or worth having around. And so demonstrating value might be making someone laugh, teaching them something new, making them feel like they have to win your approval over. It's creating some type of dynamic that makes you someone that they want to be around. The E in dentist theory is to engage physically. I actually want to adjust that to engage in an investment because it's not necessarily about having sex really quickly per se, but getting someone to do something that for them is a sign of intimacy. Getting someone to do something that makes them feel like now I have to see an ROI, which is a return on their investment. N is for nurture dependence. And nurture dependence can be done in one of two ways. It can be done a positive way where this person, for example, calls you every day after work. So that is the person that you vent to all the time. They can also nurture dependence by isolating you. So they create us versus them feel where they tell you that you can't trust anybody else and you need them for something. I didn't see you there. Well, since you're here, let me tell you my top three favorite features for my sponsor today, Squarespace. Now I just recently bought a site for our production company, Shared Entertainment. And now we all have professional emails through Squarespace. It looks great as little Shared Entertainment at the end of it. It looks like we mean business. And if you mean business, check this out. The appointment feature is a game changer. Now let me tell you, it's like having somebody who just wants to work all the time, no breaks. I mean, with Squarespace, you really got your scheduling needs all covered. This is where things get interesting. You want that website to look as cool as you are, right? Well, you gotta check out their fluidity. Now this is Squarespace's next generation system. It is going to unlock your creativity to be as solid as a rock or as flashy as a peacock. You dig what I'm saying? You ever thought about selling merch like we have? Well, Squarespace is your backstage crew from managing orders to shipment to even managing your stock. Listen, they've got it all. Oh, and let's not forget their Bellingless. Let's not forget their analytics and let's not forget their e-commerce. And if I have tickled your curiosity, head over to squarespace.com slash amputee. Start playing around for free. Get that free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go back to squarespace.com slash amputee to get that 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. N is for neglect emotionally. Neglecting someone after you have made yourself seemingly indispensable to them by fulfilling a need that only you can fulfill works marvelously in two psychologically awful ways. Number one, it presses on the other person's ego. It awakens their inner beast because nobody wants to admit that one, they're not as great as they think they are. And thus, when people get close to them, they tend to recede. Or two, nobody wants to admit that they were conned. So they will actually begin to over-invest to ensure that neither one of those two things could be true. The second way that it works really well is that it creates that inconsistent reward. And as I've said many times, nothing creates an addiction like an inconsistent reward. This again goes to that whole slot machine approach. If you get a reward, sometimes you're more likely to sit there for majority of the time. Versus if you get a reward when you need it, you can then focus on other activities and thus won't find yourself in that addictive pattern and cycle. So by neglecting periodically and pulling back once they've created that pattern in your mind, it's actually gonna cause you to obsess even more of getting that person's approval again. I is for inspire hope. In translation, this is the what are you up to text after it's been five days of not hearing from that person. And here is why hope in this particular moment in time can be so powerful. The person who is being dentist on is raw. Now the risk and reward center of their brain is completely lit up by this interaction. Their ego is clawing for some type of explanation as to why this is happening. And in some cases, your survival may even feel at risk because the other person presented themselves as a need, someone that you need in your life. So when they saunter back over, the littlest bit goes an extremely long way. And the final component in the dentist's recipe is S for separate entirely. And then that leaves the perfect appetite for a sequel because now you are left wondering why, what happened? And so if they decide to pop up and re-engage you in the dentist's cycle all over again, you are primed for the last reason why I think that toxic dick is so intoxicating is that by nature of being in a toxic relationship, the dynamic is the perfect breeding ground for multiple opportunities to experience erotic ambiguity and erotic attention. Two powerful underused elements that for many people is the spice of sex to begin with. Now I used to be of the camp that believed that many people found identifying individuals in particular wanted more foreplay when it came to sex, that the act itself was exciting and was good, but the buildup is really what they were looking for. But since then I've come to break down foreplay into three distinct experiences. So let's start with foreplay. I have come to define foreplay as erotic sexual stimulation that isn't necessarily by itself going to lead to orgasm with the understanding that there is an intent to start doing the activities that will lead to orgasm. Erotic ambiguity speaks to the moment where individuals identify that there is sexual tension and desire between them. However, all parties are unsure if any sexual satisfaction is going to come of this realization. Erotic attention is the compliments, it's the looks, and sometimes the subtle touches that a person receives while they have entered into erotic ambiguity with another person. What separates erotic ambiguity and erotic attention from foreplay is intention. And so you might think to yourself, well the goal must be to get on the same page so you can get to doing the fun stuff. And that is the mistake that many long-term relationships make. I want you to reflect on any animal, planet type video or documentary that you have ever watched before and think about the mating sequence that you often see. Take for example, the peacock. So we have two peacocks in one space, it's mating season and they look at each other and establish that there is sexual interest and desire between them. Boom. Now we have entered into the erotic ambiguity and then erotic attention begins. For one of the peacocks, this might include a mating dance, a showcase of feathers, a series of sounds. For the others, it is leaning in and then leaning back. It's the opportunity to assess, to judge, to sit there atop their sexually frustrated throne and still say, I want it, but I'm not sure if I wanna give it to you. And that is fucking fun. So when we're watching these mating sequences take place in documentaries, oftentimes it's under the premise that this is this species first time interacting in this sexual way. And similarly in the human world, whenever we interact with anybody for the first time sexually, we get the benefit of going through the erotic ambiguity and erotic attention dance. And then we come to an agreement that we're gonna move forward and actually start foreplay and initiating a sexual satisfaction experience with that person. And when that relationship is healthy, we never have to renege on that agreement. It's there, we're good to each other. But when you're with a toxic person, you renege on that agreement quite a bit. Again, kind of like fast food. You'll eat it and then promise yourself you're never gonna eat it again. And then lo and behold, they put a flyer in your mailbox or you're driving by at a particular time and they have some kind of deal or they put some kind of new sandwich out. And for whatever reason, they reengage and get you back into the cycle. Similarly with toxic relationships because of the fact that you are reneging on the agreement and taking away your attention and taking away your consent because they haven't been good, healthy, equitable partners, they have to woo you back in. And as a result, the erotic ambiguity and erotic attention sequence has to start all over again. And this is such a strength to these relationships because naturally we desire to be in these kinds of interactions. So if long-term partners found a way to sustain that, to maintain erotic ambiguity and erotic attention. Okay, so I just wanna keep it real here for a second. I'm about to celebrate my fifth wedding anniversary with a man whom is so kind and sexy and beautiful and giving and safe. And because of that, we have never broken up, ever since we started dating. There has never been a time where I've had to renege on our agreement. So that erotic ambiguity pace is a challenge for us because we all kinda know. And that's the thing with foreplay that I think people need to really understand is that it is really great and it is really fun to delay and to tease. But when you're teasing and we all know how this is going to end up in the end, it loses a bit of the fun and the cachet to it. So learning to recapture that genuine ambiguity and getting that erotic attention with knowing that it may not go anywhere is something that I haven't quite figured out how to do yet. So we started to toy around with things like role playing which I deeply enjoyed and found that it gave me that hit of erotic ambiguity. However, my partner wasn't so gung-ho on it. We obviously try to do things to keep things fresh and exciting in the bedroom and to keep it novel. But how do we keep the no on the table? I think that is something that Toxic Dick does very, very well, that healthy partnerships can stand to figure out. And if you have some suggestions on how to do that, I would love to hear them. Thank you for watching this video on the secrets of Toxic Dick and here is a non-secret. I'm not toxic and I don't have a penis. So I might not have all the answers to this which is why I lean on you, dear community, to fill in the blanks in the comments section below. Why do you think that toxic sex is often more exciting, alluring, and memorable than sex in healthy, long-term equitable partnerships? Would love to hear it. Got me down bad, I ain't never felt this. Going downstairs where I usually don't miss. If you don't laugh while you acting so brisk. If you gon' sass, can you do it with a kiss? Dip it down, drop it low, what you tryna risk? We can sit at beach side, sipping on the mix. Moving like a hella-dub to got me in a tits. I can take you hella shopping, but I ain't a trick. Back at door 10.