 Chapter four of Fuel of Fire. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Fuel of Fire by Ellen Thorny-Croft Fowler. Chapter four, Mrs. Candy, a husband, even though a fool, teaches far more than any boarding school. The post of caretaker of Baxon Hall was filled by a worthy couple of the name of Candy. Candy himself had been head gardener while the house was yet inhabited and he still powdered about the neglected old garden, picking up a stick here and a weed there, as the fancy took him. His better half was a Norfolk woman and had been wooed and won at Cromer when Candy was an undergardener at one of the big houses near that delightful town. She always felt herself to be a stranger and a sojourner in Mercer. For she had left her heart with her two little children in over-strand churchyard amid the poppies which keep guard over the slumbers of them that await the great awakening within the sound of the blue North Sea. At least she'd left half of her heart there. The other half was filled to overflowing with respectful admiration of her lord and master who was the greatest and wisest man in the kingdom according to Mrs. Candy. It is a great satisfaction to every woman to have a final court of appeal for the settlement of all doubtful questions and it is a still greater satisfaction to be married to this court. Which blessing was Mrs. Candy's in full measure? It was a day in the early summer before the snow drifts of May blossom had quite melted from off the hedges when Nancy crossed the fields lying at the back of wayside and went through the iron gate into the lanes. To her apparent surprise whom should she meet there the Mr. Baxendale who, strange to say, had of late contracted a habit in common with the elder Miss Burton of perambulating nominally in search of exercise those particular lanes. Good afternoon, said Lawrence, also trying to show a decos amount of astonishment at finding Nancy in the very place where he had come to look for her. Good afternoon, I was just going to the post office explain Nancy ignoring the impertinent fact that it took twice as long to go there by the lanes as by the high road. So was I exclaimed Lawrence likewise ignoring the equally impertinent fact that he was walking in precisely the contrary direction. But which of us who has learned anything at all has not discovered that very often the shortest way to a place takes us several miles in the opposite way. County councils would compute distances more accurately than they do if they measured by companions instead of by milestones. So Lawrence turned with Nancy and walk beside her, which was the only sensible thing to do if he were really aiming at the post office. He would never have reached it by his original route, at least not without going right round the world. After I have been to the post, I want to walk up to Bax and dare to speak to Mrs. Candy about something he continued. Won't you come with me? It is a perfect afternoon for a walk. All right, agreed Nancy. She was a very obliging young woman. I'm always glad of an excuse to cultivate Mrs. Candy, or rather to let Mrs. Candy cultivate me. Mrs. Candy certainly repays research, doesn't she? And I always make it my duty and my delight to research her. To dig for knowledge out of Mrs. Candy's stores is not an elaborate mining operation, said Lawrence Dryley. I never met a woman who found it so easy to begin talking, and so difficult to stop. I never tried to stop her. I feed upon every word she says. But don't you want to put your own or in sometimes Ms. Burton? I should have imagined that silence was hardly your favorite role. Oh, I am not a great talker. Ah, how appearances sometimes deceive murmured Lawrence under his breath. Nancy laughed. Well, not such a very great talker. At least I've met greater ones once or twice. So have I, my dear mother, for instance, and the excellent Mrs. Candy, but that doesn't entirely exonerate you from the charge. You are very rude. Indeed, I'm not. I'm exactly the reverse. I don't know which is the greater my pleasure in the feats of great talkers or my wonder at how the dickens they do it. Then don't you find it easy to talk? By no means. You can't think how often I'm on the verge of brain fever through scouring the hidden places of my mind for something to say and finding nothing. Poor thing. Now I never have to scour the hidden places of my mind for something to say. So I should have supposed every drawer and cupboard in my mind is so full of remarks that it simply won't shut. And the more I try to empty it by making the remarks, the fuller it seems to get. My envy of you even surpasses my admiration. But I know why you find it difficult to talk remark Nancy thoughtfully. It is because you are so reserved and reserve is the scourge of conversation. Ah, I disapprove of reserve on principle continued Nancy shaking her head reprovingly. And I consider your besetting sin. Lawrence smiled well then having diagnosed the complaint. Won't you prescribe the remedy? There's no remedy except just not being it. Like Nora and me, you know, I tell everybody everything I think and feel and that makes everybody comfortable and at home. Don't you know? Yes, naturally it would have that effect. And it makes people like you if you are unreserved added Nancy wisely. I've noticed that reserved people are never popular because they are always inviting you to a mental barma side feast. The dishes and plates are put before you with nothing on them. And you have only to pretend to eat. When you talk to reserve people, there is all the outward show of actual conversation. But the dishes and plates are really empty and it is all a sham. That sounds very pretty, but it depends a little does it not on the nature of your thoughts and feelings as to whether their publication would add to your popularity. In your case, no doubt it would. But in mine, I doubt it said the carpenter and shed a bitter tear. Indeed, I put down any little popularity I may possess small enough it is goodness knows to the fact that people know so little of me. The more they knew my sentiments, the more they were dislike me, I take it. Wherefore, my reserve is perhaps as clever as your unreserved Miss Burton. I can't pay it a higher compliment cannot not a bit of it that just shows how ignorant you are. If you are an angel and hide it, nobody will be really fond of you. I don't believe anyone was ever really fond of an angel unawares. Angels unawares are esteemed but never loved. And it is a most uninteresting part to play. Perhaps these short answers of Mr. Baxon Dale's always irritated Nancy as much as so good tempered a young woman was capable of irritation. She was never quite sure whether he was laughing at her or with her, a most disquieting doubt. Neither, as a matter of fact, was he. She could hardly be blamed for not understanding him when as yet he did not understand himself. Now on the contrary, if you are a devil and say so, she continued, everybody will be charmed with you and think it is so sweet and dear of you to be so outspoken. Possibly. If I had wings and covered them, people would only say what a bad figure I had and how badly my clothes fitted. But if I had a cloven foot and went barefoot, everybody would smile and pity rather than blame. And if I went to the length of putting my feet on the table, the world would end by thinking them quite pretty and pointed toes would entirely go out of fashion, which shows that truth like water no longer lies at the bottom of a well, but is turned on to every house in an unlimited supply by certificated waterworks. What an enlightened age we live in and how thankful we ought to be to the goodness and the grace which smiled upon our birth with so subtle a sense of humor. Again, that sense of irritation crept over Nancy, but she refused to be balked by it and continued bravely. All English people are too reserved. It is the principle national fault. So you think foreign nations have more attractive shop windows, rather, where you know how awfully difficult English girls are to talk to when first you are introduced, I do by most bitter and most exhausted, not to say exhausting experience. Well, foreign girls aren't simply because they are less reserved. I remember once when we were in London, some Mexican people came to call upon us who had had dealings with father and business and my heart sank when they were shown in as I hadn't an idea what to say to them. Even you. Yes, even me. It fell to my lot to talk to the daughter, a very handsome girl. So I began by asking, Have you any sisters, a feeble opening, but the best I could think of on the spur of the moment? And what did she say? Oh, she was delightful. And Nancy bubbled over with laughter at the remembrance. She said, Yes, I have two sisters. And I will tell you all our love affairs. And then you will feel that you know us thoroughly. Wasn't it killing? Charmingly so. And what did she tell you? In spite of all his resolutions not to grow too fond of her, Lawrence never could resist the temptation to bring the laughter into Nancy's blue eyes. She said, In England, you do not know how to love you are too cold. And you have too much to interest you. In Mexico, a woman has nothing to amuse her, but to go to mass and to get married. But in England, you have so much to amuse you that you have not time to do either of these. There is some truth in that declared Lawrence. There is. Then she went on. Now in Mexico, we do know how to love and we always love a man who has no money. I said I had known cases of that kind even in England. And Nancy looks slightly at Lawrence through her long eyelashes to see what effect this announcement had upon him. But Lawrence's heart was not within measurable distance of his sleeve. So he inquired stolidly. Well, and what did the Mexican lady say to that? She said, But we are very bad in Mexico. And when we find that the man is so poor that we cannot marry him, we fret and fret to we are quite ill. And the doctor says to our parents that we shall die unless they give us the money to marry this man. So then our parents give us the money and we marry him and are quite well. A most satisfactory conclusion said Lawrence piously and had the lady herself suffered in this fashion. No, but her sister had she told me my sister was like that till my parents did give her the money to marry the man she loved. And now she writes to us that she used to have pains all over the body, but that now she has not a single pain in any limb. So they know how to manage their affairs in Mexico, don't they, Mr. Baxendale? And again, Nancy looked through her eyelashes to discover the effect of this remark. Again, Lawrence was equal to the glance. So it seems. Don't you think we'd better do the post office on our way back? Suggested Nancy after a few moments, silent meditation upon the density of men in general, and of Lawrence in particular. Of course, we had a happy idea. And now we can go straight to the hall by the lanes and up the park without getting the dust of the high road on our feet at all. So the two young people threaded their way along the green byroads, and then across the undulating park, till they reached the imposing front door, which was crowned by the arms of the Baxendales. And as they went, they talked by the way of all the trifling matters, which are of no moment in themselves, but are of such absorbing importance in the mouth of the one person whose prerogative it is to turn life's smallest coins into gold and earth's commonest corners into paradise. Mrs. Candy gave them a hearty welcome. It was somewhat lonely up at Baxendale Hall, and the worthy matron was truly thankful when any listener chance to come her way. I hope you enjoyed the village tea meeting. Mrs. Candy said Nancy after Lawrence had transacted his business with his caretaker. I thought you seem to be having a good time. Mrs. Candy put her hands upon her hips and considered for a moment. Then she replied in the refined voice and with the clear cut accent, which are characteristic of all East Anglians. Well, Ms. Burton, I will deceive you. When I comes into Tetley schoolroom, I sprees me hanky sure on my knees and I look up to see what there was tea. You consider the menu in short suggested Lawrence precisely so sir replied Mrs. Candy, not in the least knowing what he meant. And so agreeing with him all the more readily. Well, when I looks up and sees nothing but Mount cake and butter buns, I says to myself says that the Lord's will be done. If I must be ill, I must. So I take spoke. I hope your resignation was rewarded said Lawrence. It were, sir, it were. And how are you today? After all, Nancy asked Mrs. Candy shook her head sadly miss very sadly. It's wind in the head miss wind in the head. And I'll tell you how that happened. I was awaiting a Mrs. Betts down at the ways to year come Michael miss. And she was a paralytic if you remember miss. I remember her quite well. And I'm bound to confess I never knew anyone get so much pleasure out of paralysis as she did. She enjoyed to the full of my new description of every symptom. Well, miss, I was awaiting on her and when she was coming downstairs and leaning on me, her feet slipped and she'd read her elbow into my side and that read the wind into my head. So when I went to see to doctor, he says to me says he my good woman says he you should have come to me when that first happened now says he I can't do nothing that their wind have got into your head he says and it'll never come down no never no more. That's what doctor says miss and that's what's to matter with me. Nancy endeavored to look as sympathetic as she was expected to look. I'm so sorry Mrs. Candy. It must be a most uncomfortable feeling. It is indeed miss and my poor father was just the same wind in the head is in our family. It is from living so near the sea and all them terrible gales and Uncle Willem was bad just the same to remember when Uncle Willem was bad on Selena. She says to me Lizzie says she I do wish as your uncle would go one way or another. He do burn such a side of candle and me rubbing him up and down all the night with them implications. Did he finally recover? Ask Lawrence politely. Not he sir not he recovering is not in our family replied Mrs. Candy with slightly ruffled dignity and Lawrence felt that he had made a mistake. I tend I went to help Selena to nurse him. I give him his medicine at two o'clock and he drew it up. I give him his medicine at three o'clock and he drew it up gave him his medicine at four o'clock and he drew it up at five o'clock. He lay like a cabbage and at six o'clock he went off like a bird. Dear me how sad exclaimed Lawrence while Nancy looked out of the window to hide her emotion, which unfortunately was not of the right sort and my children were just the same. Continued Mrs. Candy inflated with the pride of race. It wasn't one of them healthy not one and they all died before they was turned five. Oh, I'm so sorry exclaimed Nancy who was really sympathetic now. How you must miss them. I do miss I misses them and I want some but I misses them more than I want some. They're a side of trouble children are especially when they wind in the head. But candy looks strong enough suggested Nancy by way of consolation. He must be a comfort to you. Candy's spouse cheered up at once. Hey, he's a wonderful man. Candy is I never knew his life for eating rolly-poly pudding never since I was born. To have a day Mrs. Fairfax sent us a rolly-poly pudding up from the ways. And when we sit down to eat it candy says says he may the Lord bless this year put him to my soul. And then as was the instigators of it and he eats it up every scrap. Hey, but he's a wonderful man candy is and he thinks the side of pudding and has done ever since I first kept company with him. Hey, not inexplicable taste said Lawrence. I remember honest he was either so put out at a village dinner in Tetley school room 20 years ago come next Christmas. There was rolly-poly pudding candy got a good slice but would you believe it sir they give him his slice stark naked with not a scrap of jam or even a serve to cover it. Oh he was put about candy was a no wonder. Where did you first meet him Nancy asked? Well he were a gardener at Cuomo Hall when I was in service at Overstrand. I had lots of lovers in those days being as I was tall with a nice pink color and candy he came courting me. And I suppose of all your lovers you liked him the best. Well miss I can't say exactly that. There was several as I like quite as well as he. Him never having been much of it one to look at. Then why did you finally choose him? Well miss though candy was never much of a one to look at I heard he was notable at cooking. The notable list man at cooking in all them parts. So I picked him and I keeps him up to it I can tell you. Lawrence smiled a most wise choice Mrs. Candy I think of selecting a wife along the same lines but what did the rejected lovers do? Did they fling themselves in their broken hearts wholesale into the sea? Mrs. Candy bridled. Well sir only two days after I'd fixed on candy who should come a court and me but bison him that was coachman up at tall and a much finer man he was than candy being better set up all round. Then I suppose in true feminine fashion you rejected your choice and expressed your readiness to exchange the small bird in your hand for the larger one just emerging from the bush. Well sir I says to Fison Fison says I'm real sorry as I can't keep company with you you being such a fine well set up man all round but you come a day too late I'm bespoke and how did Fison take the blow? Well sir Fison says that's the Lizzie he says I'm rare sorry as I've come too late but there's as good fish in the sea as ever came out of it and perhaps you won't mind looking out for a nice girl for me as there's no one his nose as well as you exactly what would suit me. Did you look out for one? Ask Nancy I don't believe I should have done so in your place I think it is horrid when one's lovers falls in love with somebody else even if one hasn't cared for them but Mrs. Candy was not made of such slight elements as Nancy in course I did and found one just to his taste a bright girl she was Peggy post-stern by name our sexton's daughter and one has had been the life of many a funeral in our parts a but she was a merry girl Peggy was and she attended every one of the funerals in over strand church yard I never knew such a girl for pleasure if there was anything going on she must be in it must Peggy and she go to the poorest funeral rather than stay quietly at home half a looks better than no break she used to say when I passed the remark that a funeral with no morning coaches wasn't no better than no funeral at all this post-stern seems to have been somewhat of a philosopher remarked Mr. Baxendale but he had not time to say anymore before Mrs. Candy went on but I was the telling you about Candy when he come courting me he never would walk intimate with me arm and arm he knows because he said is it looks soft like to show as you was that gone on a woman and I thought it looks soft like for a woman to keep company where man as wasn't that gone on her but I just made no fuss but by my time it never will do no good to make a fuss with man if you just wait and let him have his own way he'll punish his self in time and did candy punish himself he did miss but when we comes to a style with nobody looking on candy he says says he my last he says I'll help you over this no says I if you won't walk in commitment folks as a looking and there's some credit in it you shan't help me over styles when there's nobody by and I never let him not once till we was married though we went on his bended knees he did about it a but he's a notable man is candy for hiding his feelings when folks is by and shown him when there are no credit to nobody Nancy thoroughly sympathized with the speaker how awfully trying it would make me simply furious if I had a husband that behave like that it's trying as you say miss but most things is trying in this world and so they're meant to be for some wise purpose which we don't understand now and maybe never shall but it's the queer ways of men that give you something to think about when it's bad weather and you've no neighbors dropping in while I'd as soon be an old maid with a stuffed canary bird as have a husband as well as easy to see through as another woman that's the beauty of married life you can never tell what your man will do next know what mischief he'll be up to no not even if you've got such a man is candy to deal with but you know is whatever he does it'll turn out for the best come upstairs said Lawrence to Nancy and have a look at the library I happen to have the key in my pocket do you always keep it locked up she asked as she followed him up the white oak staircase yes always I don't want to have good Mrs. Candy pottering about with a candle among all those priceless old books the house is insured for a hundred thousand pounds and the value lies deeply in the library the rest of the furniture isn't worth much a hundred thousand pounds with a lot of money oh the library is worth far more in fact some of the prints in first editions are practically priceless I'm strictly forbidden by my grandfather's will to sell a single book or print or to lessen the amount of the insurance but it seems a lot as you say and especially when I have to pay for it out of my already very limited income then Lawrence unlocked the massive oak door and spent a delightful hour in showing Nancy some of his rare treasures I did not know you were so fond of all books he said as they walked home together oh I simply revel in them I should like to spend a month in that library and never put my nose out of doors the whole time if you would really like it I could let you have a key to the library and then you could go and sit there whenever you wished Nancy's eyes sparkled with delight how sweet of you I should simply adore it then you shall have one with pleasure and I'll lend you a key of the house as well so that if Mrs. Candy happens to be out and the house locked up you can still go in and up to the library only be careful to lock it all up again after you oh I'll be careful awfully careful I promise then that's all right replied Lawrence experiencing a thrill of delight at having it in his power to give Nancy pleasure and he delivered the two keys into her hands that very day in chapter 4 chapter 5 of fuel of fire this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org fuel of fire by Ellen Thorny-Crawf Fowler chapter 5 Anthony's suggestion what is greater than the king perfect knowledge of a thing what then state is more immense of assurety common sense all the next day Nancy went about singing and making melody in her heart there is something strangely delightful in the beginning of anything in the early dawn of fresh joy while the newborn interest is as yet to nebulous to have attached to itself the inevitable cares and responsibilities which cannot fail to come later when the object of our regard is already dear enough to make us happy by being present but not yet sufficiently dear to make us miserable by going away a land where everlasting spring abides means something far more than eternally green fields and budding trees it means a land where disillusionment can never brush away the dew of the morning and where the pearly haze of dawn shall never be dispersed behold I make all things new does not prophesy that once and for all the house not made with hands shall be refurnished according to the latest improvements nay it rather foretells that the mystique gladness of spring and of morning shall no longer be the transient delight which now it is but shall become a part of that everlasting joy which shall one day crown the heads of those who are counted worthy to attain unto it the first dawn of love was just now transfiguring the world for Nancy Burton later on the sorrow came which is the inseparable companion of all earthly bliss but at present Lawrence appeared to her as the embodiment of human happiness in later days she laughed bitterly at the remembrance of how marvelously happy she believed she was going to be before disappointment had taught her how little it is wise to expect from life but as yet all things were hers because she was gradually making the wonderful discovery that discovery whereby the most ordinary mortals for once in their life throw Columbus into this shade that she loved and was loved in return possibly if the immortal Christopher had penetrated a little further into the future if he had foreseen the horror of the great American war for which he was paving the way he would have turned his galleon round and gone ingloriously home again and in the same way if all the women who make the other great discovery could perceive what heart burnings and heart rendings they were thereby preparing for themselves they too would turn or frighted from the unknown land but if Columbus had seen further still if he had seen the mighty kingdom which was to grow up on the farther shore of that sea of blood filling the earth with its knowledge and glory he would have gone on rejoicing and unafraid and likewise if those fond souls who are preparing for their own footsteps the sorrowful way could see the very end of the road they too would go hopefully forward knowing that only such as have sown in tears shall reap the full joy of the eternal harvest Nancy was too happy to stay indoors so she walked down in the morning to Wayes Hall to see faith on a way she met Lady Alicia good morning dear Miss Burton said a lady ship in whom the neighborly spirit had not yet evaporated may I turn and walk with you I'm taking my daily constitutional which I always think is so very very necessary if one wishes to be kept in health and health is so very beautiful don't you think I don't know about it's being beautiful but it is very jolly Nancy replied trying hard to remember that Lady Alicia was Laurence's mother and therefore not meet to be made fun of and illness is very beautiful too Lady Alicia went on I often think that thinness and the hectic flush suggest such touching and elevating thoughts I always wish that it had been my lot to be thrown with people whose illnesses were beautiful and improving to the character but my poor dear husband's were quite the reverse tell me about him the sought Nancy whose thirst for information regarding the House of Baxendale was hourly increasing oh there is nothing to tell you my dear he was quite a prosaic and commonplace character so different from me who am simply overflowing with poetry and romance I often think what a pathetic picture it must have been to see a highly strong sensitive younger like myself tied to a hard headed hard-hearted man such as Mr. Baxendale but are you sure that he was as hard-hearted as he seemed often people appear unfeeling when they are only shy and reserved in all the time that they seem so cold they are suffering most intensely Lady Alicia drew herself up my dear of course I am sure is it likely that a man's own wife could not understand him and besides Mr. Baxendale was a very easy person to understand he wasn't complex as I am but just straightforward in matter of fact with I'm sorry to say a sad habit of making fun of things I am afraid that is rather a weakness of mine remark Nancy humbly then my dear struggle against it and suppress it at all costs to my mind there's nothing so vulgar as a sense of humor it coarsens the finest natures and throws a horrible amusing light upon things which in themselves are quite beautiful and serious and I always think it is so elevating to take life seriously a thing which my dear husband seemed constitutionally unable to do and I fear poor Lawrence is not much better before Nancy had time to take up the cudgels on Lawrence's behalf she and Lady Alicia had reached the door of Ways Hall but all the same her heart was hot within her as she realized how completely his mother misunderstood him and she longed passionately to make up to him in some way for all that he had missed in life suddenly she realized by what means she could not say how much the sensitive father and son had been to each other and what a terrible blank the death of his father had left in the life of Lawrence Baxendale when women of the Nancy Burton type admire a man they are fairly safe it is only when they begin to pity him that their hearts are in jeopardy Mrs. Verifax and Faith were sitting out on the veranda at the back of the house and their visitors joined them there the veranda at Ways Hall was quite an institution Faith and her mother principally lived in it for the greater part of the year it occupied the whole length of the house on the south side and had a stone roof supported by handsome stone pillars each end was of glass lined with rows of rare plants and pots so that there was no admittance to any manner of wind save a south one while all the sunshine in the garden collected itself in the veranda as green collects itself at the top of a can of milk therefore there were few days in the year when the veranda at Ways Hall was not suitable for habitation Mrs. Verifax and Faith loved their garden and in return their garden educated them as only well-loved gardens can educate men and women the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches find a powerful antidote in a garden for those who abide near the heart of nature learn from her lessons of peace and patience which she does not teach to her more bustling children now as of old the Lord God walks in the garden in the cool of the day and communes with them who have ears to hear and well for those who harken unto his voice as it speaks to them through the trees of the garden and the flowers of the field of laws that cannot be broken and have promises that must be fulfilled I have made a new fernary said Mrs. Verifax after she had greeted her visitors in her old world manner and faith had carried Nancy off for a girlish confabulation and I wish you to see it Alicia when you have rested a while oh how delightful exclaimed Lady Alicia to my mind there are few things more beautiful and suggestive than ferns they always seem to me like graceful women who have charm rather than actual beauty and there's nothing more interesting than charm don't you think so attractive and yet so elusive I've arranged that all the water from the garden should drain into the fernary and so run into the lake continued Mrs. Verifax Lady Alicia and the mistress of Ways Hall always enjoyed a conversation with each other for the good reason that each talked of her own concerns utterly regardless of what the other was saying which resulted in the equal satisfaction of both and flowers are suggestive too Lady Alicia went on I once had a beautiful idea that it would be so sweet for people to try and copy the flowers which grow in the month when their birthdays are it has the same effect as a dropping well the water trickles down a rockery covered with ferns and forms itself into a stream at the bottom that is why I am always so much interested to find out in what month people's birthdays fall then I know what type of character they should aim at and it is so sweet to have an aim in life I think it gives one something to think of in the winter evenings and on Sundays and over the stream I have built a rustic wooden bridge it is extremely pretty now and will be far more so when the creepers which I have trained over it are fully grown my birthday you see is in October and I've always tried to copy chrysanthemums by dressing in those sweet art shades and by showing myself a friend for dark and cold days rather than for sunny ones that is so touching in chrysanthemums I think they come just when one is sad and lonely and the bedding outplants are all gone and that is such a beautiful allegory of friendship to visit people when they are in trouble rather than in their prosperous days I'm not sure whether I shall be able to keep some of the ferns out of doors all the winter I fear it would be a risk for those that I brought from abroad and even for some of those that came from Devonshire you see the frost here are somewhat severe I remember when dear Mildred Swain married her curate such a sweet young man with a lovely complexion and no money just like a girl I proposed a month's visit to them immediately in their dear little home and I took my maid with me to show that they're being poor made no difference to me exactly what a chrysanthemum would have done in the circumstances remarked Mrs. Fairfax for the first time paying attention to what her companion was saying her ladyship smiled complacently jokes were things undreamed of in her philosophy my dear Amelia how quickly you grasp an idea you and I always have so much in common Mrs. Fairfax laughed in her day she had been a greater beauty than her friend and Lady Alicia's little elegancies were completely lost upon her then continued the letter I think it is so nice for people whose birthdays are in April to cultivate humility and try to copy the dear little modest violence what nonsense Alicia if there is one virtue more objectionable than another that virtue is humility it is a most tiresome an aggravating attribute Lady Alicia fairly gassed my dear Amelia I mean what I say there are no people who give so much trouble in the world as the unassuming deprecating people their humility is far more aggressive in reality than the conceited the most conceited but dear dear Amelia think how beautiful true humility is and how altogether sweet and Christian I don't care I simply detest it the conceited person calls upon you and comes in and bores you for a quarter of an hour and that is the end of him but the deprecating person brings the bell and won't come in and so you have to go and talk to him in the hall which is always the most wearisome thing to do but don't you think we should rather look at the spirit which prompts an action than at the action itself I always endeavour to do so it seems to make life so much more beautiful and full of meaning my dear Alicia it is the actions and not the meanings that give trouble to other people still we should always endeavour to enter into another person's feelings and to look at things from another's point of view then the other person should likewise try to enter into our feelings and look at things from our point of view and if he did he would quickly discover that his humility is not a matter of sufficient importance to entail any trouble on the part of persons to whom his spiritual vicissitudes are incidents of supreme indifference Lady Alicia sighed profoundly alas how hard you are had you my delicate and refined nature you would enter into the feelings of those dear human sensitive plants and admire instead of abusing their modesty extremely humble people always have a little tickling call if you will notice and if there is one thing that irritates me more than another it is a little tickling call yet I never met a truly unassuming person without one Lady Alicia was busy preparing a suitable platitude we're about to silence the doubting spirit of our friend when the two girls joined their elders Dave and I are regretting that tomorrow is Sunday exclaimed Nancy sinking into a seat we were planning a picnic without thinking and suddenly the Sabbath rose up and hit us full in the face ah I too find Sunday rather a dull and depressing day said Lady Alicia plaintively but I always try to observe it for the servants sake it is so bad for them to see people of our class enjoying themselves upon a Sunday so I always stretch a point in order to make the day as dull as possible and after all there is something very English and suggested in a dull Sunday it makes one feel like a radical or a Roman Catholic or something dreadful of that sort if one does anything amusing on a Sunday afternoon I heard of a lovely new Sunday game the other day remarked Nancy with a dangerous demureness her love of mischief exercising for the moment her sense of the relationship between Lady Alicia and Lawrence what was that my dear asked Mrs. Fairfax who enjoyed Nancy's jokes only one degree less than Lady Alicia's reception of them the proverbial ducks back clothed in a macintosh to make assurance doubly sure would be less impervious to water than was Lady Alicia's consciousness to anything in the shape of humor first of all the men went to one end of the room and all the girls to the other and the girls were Christians and the men were heathens that sounds Sunday enough said Faith it is beautiful dear child quite beautiful agreed Lady Alicia to my mind there is something very touching and picturesque about heathens and people of that sort I always think of them standing under palm trees on the edge of a river looking as if they were just going to bathe I remember once saying to Lawrence that the serpentine on a summer's evening reminded me of missionary magazines I thought it a most beautiful and poetical simile but Lawrence merely laughed though I had not the least intention of being amusing but he has unfortunately no eye for the allegorical and suggested Mrs. Fairfax handsome dark eyes twinkle go on about the Sunday game my dear she said but the object of the game was to induce the heathens to embrace Christianity good gracious child what will you say next exclaim Mrs. Fairfax but she laughed all the same not so Lady Alicia ah how sweet and beautiful and just what should be done in everyday life I think it would be so nice if all nations even the Boers and the Chinese and dreadful people of that kind were to embrace Christianity it might steady them down a bit don't you know and make war quite a pleasure instead of a pain there's nothing so really soothing and improving as Christianity I know from my part it makes me feel so contented and pleased with myself all Monday and Tuesday if I have made an effort and walked to church and back on Sunday morning at tea that afternoon Nancy regaled her always appreciative family circle with a graphic account which did not lose anything in the telling Nancy's tales never did of how Lady Alicia had received the story of the Sunday game after all remarked Anthony when their laughter had subsided it must be rather a tight fit for Baxendale to be always obliged to keep a tame mother like that hanging about the premises if I had a mother of that kind I should try to get her received into an orphan home or a shoe black brigade or some other similar charitable institution which would take the sweet creature off my hands she must be a trial to him out of Nora because Mr. Baxendale is so clever himself Mr. Arbuthnott was saying only yesterday that he thought taking him all around Lawrence Baxendale was the cleverest person he had ever met Anthony sat upright in his chair and gazed thoughtfully at his cousin so our dear young vicar is beginning to take people all around is he I shall have to keep my paternal eye open or else he will be taking you all around my beloved Nora and then what will Mama and the parish say Tony don't be an idiot and Nora blushed so becomingly that it was a pity there was no man but a relation to see it can't help it my love we are all idiots in our family it is too late to change as the man said when he got home and found he'd received 20 shillings for a half a sovereign well anyhow I wish you wouldn't start foolish gossip about me and the vicar expostulated Nora men's concia recti a mind conscious of the rectu only in this case it is the vicar but the principle is the same is independent of because superior to parochial gossip murmured Anthony nor changed the subject returning to her original muttons Mr. Baxendale was considered an awful swell up at Oxford face says he passed off his examinations splendidly examinations remarked Anthony principally are considered by the uninitiated to be a method of discovering the ignorances of the examined but the initiated recognize them as a means of displaying the pedantries of the examiner Mr. Baxendale has lots of things to bother him said Nancy of course his mother is a trial and then he is so frightfully poor I think it is having to pay such an enormous fire insurance that pinches them so do they pay such a big insurance Nora asked how horrid as far as I can make out replied Nancy they have insured the house in the books and the whole concern for a hundred thousand pounds how much a year would they have to pay for that Tony I can't tell exactly as they'd insured the house and the furniture and the books and the pictures separately but I should think it would towed up to something between a hundred and a hundred and fifty a year that's a lot for people who have only about five hundred a year to begin with isn't it it is my dear Nancy if I were a friend Baxendale I'd chug the whole concern and pocket my entire income myself such as it is but he can't you see Nancy explained it's put in the entail or something of that kind that the library is part of the estate it may not be broken up or sold and that every Baxendale who inherits the property shall go on with the full fire insurance because of that old prophecy the tradition says that Baxendale hall should be burned down first by the king and then by the state and so it has been so the last part is sure to come true also and the Baxendales have to be prepared for that and it has got to be burned the third time by something which is thrice as great as the king and the state and a thousand full stronger and higher I wonder what that will be said Nora common sense I should think replied her cousin if I were Baxendale I should quietly put a match to the family roof tree when nobody was looking and so save the annual hundred and fifty and pocket the hundred thousand pounds in addition nor left oh Tony what an idea it is a very good one but if Mr. Baxendale did such a thing he'd be punished by law persisted nor of course he would if he was found out my dear child but that would be a mistake on his part he should just light a cigarette in the charming old library and throw away the match and the thing is done really Tony what nonsense you do talk exclaimed Nancy and if his maternal parent was included in the ruins thereof it would be a benefit to the whole neighborhood added Anthony accepting that burned goose quills make such a horrid smell and then he went on to talk equally foolish of other things forgetting his suggestion of arson as soon as it was uttered but Nancy did not forget she was not cast in the forgetful mold in of chapter five chapter six of fuel of fire this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org fuel of fire by Ellen Thornycroft Fowler chapter six Rufus Web oh lord I knew that were austere and so my heart was filled with fear and dare not count thy creatures dear in awe of thy great name and if my terror of thy rod has left my heart a lifeless quad untouched by love for man or God Dreadlord am I to blame I have no patience with Alicia Baxendale said Mrs. Fairfax to her daughter that same afternoon why not mother she talks so much nonsense she does but if it is any pleasure to her I don't see why she shouldn't she has precious little pleasure in her life poor thing not at all she has a good son and that is pleasure enough for any woman argued Mrs. Fairfax who had never quite forgiven faith for having been born a girl instead of a boy a youthful error which it is difficult to rectify in afterlife but mother think of coming to live in that little farmhouse after being mistress of Baxendale hall and then of drawbridge castle huh that was a come down I admit and she really bears it beautifully it is always horrid to be poor and most especially for a woman brought up as Lady Alicia was well it is a great deal her own fault that she and Lawrence are so poor now if she had been less extravagant when she was first married poor Alwyn would not have lived beyond his income as he did still it wasn't altogether her own fault that she was extravagant remember the way in which she was brought up really faith the way you have of always sticking up for the absent is most aggravating I believe if anyone said that the devil himself was not altogether a nice character you'd find some excuse for him in the way he was brought up faith smile for a sweet smile but as a matter of fact he was brought up among the angels so I'm afraid I couldn't find much excuse for him on that score well then you'd say he had been too well brought up which comes to the same thing nowadays by the way what are you going to do this afternoon I'm going to see Mr. Webb and to take him some flowers you are a wonderful woman faith you are always doing something for somebody else's happiness I wonder if you ever think of your own my child it doesn't do much good thinking of one's own replied faith rather wistfully she did not consider it necessary to add that hers was bound up in Laurence Baxendale and that the truth was slowly dawning upon her that his in turn was bound up in Nancy Burton there's a good deal of setting to corners in this world you would have made an ideal clergyman's wife continued her mother reflectively you are energetic and capable and amiable and unselfish you have not the ghost of an idea how to dress yourself or to do your hair faith only laugh unmarried women with energy Mrs. Fairfax went on remind me of those hoard motor cars which when some unforeseen obstacle stops their career have no power of standing still but plow up the earth all around them and dig their own graves there are scores of single women in England digging their own graves with wasted and unappropriated energy I'm afraid there are mother but it isn't altogether their own fault poor things and faith left the room with a sigh Rufus Webb for whom faith had designed her flowers lived alone in a little white gabled house on the lanes leading from the ways to fairyland but the gates of this letter were forever closed to him those who have once heard these gates shut to behind them can never enter that magic territory again but for them as for all of us there is still prepared some better country which shall forever cast fairyland into the shade a country of green pastures and living waters and cities whose foundations are of jasper and gold in shorter country where a fairyland at its best is but a type and an image where we shall find as abiding realities the things of which in fairyland we only dreamed Rufus was a big red haired and red bearded man of about 50 originally he had been a missionary but the great tragedy which spoiled his life had likewise cut short his career and now he lived in the cottage at the ways as a guide philosopher and friend to all the poor people for miles around he had a certain knowledge of medicine which he had studied in his missionary days in which he had practiced successfully among his Chinese converts and this knowledge he exercised for the benefit of all the cottagers in the neighborhood who were too poor to employ a doctor on their own account and too proud to do so at the expense of the parish but he never preached now nor had he done so since he left China 20 years ago he had passed condemnation upon himself as unfit for God's ministry and no arguments could induce him to take up his sacred office again he was a man subject to terrible fits of religious depression and spiritual anguish when he believed that the heavens were closed against him and the face of God was turned away from him but through it all he was faithful to the God whom he maligned though he slay me yet will I trust in him was his cry and he believed that God would indeed slay him were it desirable and would have no pity I'm willing to be eternally damned should my damnation down to the glory of God was his heartfelt confession and he knew not as yet that such servile submission to divine power was an injustice toward divine love good afternoon Mr. Webb I have brought you some flowers said faith as Ruthless opened the door to her and showed her into his bare little sitting room I know you were fond of them thank you Ms. Fairfax I am replied he taking from her the bouquet which he prepared for him and sniffing it sent with the epicurean delight of the born flower lover for a moment his stern face softened as he gazed into the hearts of the roses then suddenly it hardened again as he threw the posey upon the floor and trampled its soft petals beneath his feet and because I am fond of them I destroy them he cried his voice metallic with suppressed suffering is this the time to be gathering flowers and going down into the garden of spices to see whether the pomegranates have budded nay it is rather time to be girding oneself with sack cloth and covering one's head with ashes for the day of the Lord is at hand and who shall abide the day of his coming they looked pitifully at the bruised roses and at the man who was yet more cruelly bruised and even if his day is at hand is that any reason why we should despise his gifts she asked gently he brings no wreath of flowers but rather a crown of thorns and in his hands is a sword which shall pierce us to the quick child be not deceived it is only by self repression and self renunciation that men can attain unto salvation and not all of them even then yes Mr. Webb self repression and self renunciation for another's sake by all means but not merely for the pain's sake I can see that God would be pleased with you who love flowers so much if you gave them up to someone whom you thought needed them more but I cannot see that you will please him by trampling them under your feet and so spoiling them for yourself and everybody else child blind not yourself by vain words the God whom you serve is a jealous God and he will book no rival in the hearts of sinful men remember that those who love houses or lands gardens or flowers more than him are not worthy of him and from such he shall hide his face in anger faith looked up with sweet severity no one would be so foolish as to love the gift more than the giver but it is for the sake of the giver that one loves the gift and the more so the more one loves him do not tempt me roof is quite walking up and down the small room as was his custom when at all moved for his sake I have put away from me all pleasant things and have abjured the world with its many delights in the hope that when he sees my anguish and humiliation he may turn again to me and forgive me my sin you do him an injustice believe me he did not make the world so beautiful only in order to torture us with unsatisfied longings he gives us every good gift in order that we in our gratitude may love him all the more and it is because we love him that we find his gift so fair I do not think that we ever properly enjoy a fair landscape or a beautiful sunset until we realize that he is in it all and through it all and beyond it all just as we never enjoy any other books or pictures as much as we enjoy those that are written and painted by the hands we love Rufus was silent so Faith being a wise woman changed the subject I wish you would let me lend you some books Mr. Webb they would divert your mind and rest you all together I read no books but my Bible that is enough for me and it ought to be enough for all we ought not to read other books instead of our Bibles persisted Faith with sweet placidity but I don't see why we shouldn't read them as well what sort of books would you wish me to read? asked Rufus and his voice was very stern but it took more than sternness to frighten Faith I would advise you to read novels she calmly replied I think there are a few things which rest one's mind and divert one's thoughts as much as reading good novels and I'm sure that just now you are sorely in need of such rest and diversion again Rufus began to stride up and down the small room like some caged wild animal read novels do you say? why I would rather pluck out my right eye than that it should offend by reading such trash as novels but I would advise you to read such novels as are not trash persisted Faith all novels are trash and what is worse they are vanity and lies child do you not know that whosoever loveth and maketh a lie shall have part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone those who write novels make and love a lie and those who read what they have written are like unto them then would you call all forms of art vanity and lies too pictures and statues and poems for instance I would and if I had my way I would burn them all so that they should not lure the souls of men to destruction burn books and pictures cast faith yea every one of them on which I could lay my hand for they are indeed the false gods and graven images which we are forbidden to worship and is it not better that they should be destroyed by earthly fire than that men's souls should be destroyed by the fire which is never quenched but art would never destroy men's souls it is a revelation or rather an interpretation of truth and so is meant to bring the nearer to God instead of driving them away from him child child do not prophesy vain things all false gods shall be destroyed and likewise those who have set them up and worship them persisted roofers growing more and more excited look at that fine house yonder he continued pointing to the top of the hill where back in Dale Hall green bread among the trees is it not written that it shall once more be made fuel of fire and blessed shall be the day that sees it reduced to ashes and blessed shall be the hand that sets it alight raise it raise it raise it even to the ground until not one stone shall be left upon another Mr. Webb you don't mean what you say think of the trouble it would be to Mr. Baxendale if the home of his fathers which is so dear to him were to be burned to the ground and surely he has had trouble and disappointment enough in his life already without you're wishing this final blow to fall on him I do wish it my soul yearns over the soul of Lawrence Baxendale and I pray that whatever comes between his soul and God may perish forever have you forgotten that other young man who went away sorrowful because he had great possessions and shall I sit still and see this young man also condemn himself to the outer darkness because he loves houses and lands better than the God who made him know Baxendale has once more to be made fuel of fire by something which is greater and stronger and higher than king or state and that I hope to be the fear of God I think there's no need for Baxendale Hall to be burned in order to teach Lawrence to fear God and to keep his commandments he's learned that lesson already from God himself and his dead father maybe but science falls so called in pleasant pictures and the sorcerers spells which men call novels are fast blinding his eyes to the hidden things of God's law and are making him of the earth earthy nevertheless the Lord shall destroy them in his displeasure and the fire shall consume them you have no right to say such things that Mr. Baxendale replied faith for the first time showing signs of a weak spot in her almost perfect temper he is the best and noblest and most unselfish man I ever met the young man in the gospels had kept every commandment from his youth up yet his great possessions were the undoing of him child listen to me I love Lawrence Baxendale though I had sworn never to love mortal man or woman again to my everlasting shame I love him I who had abjured human love as a snare of the evil one and I pray that his house and his books and his pictures may be destroyed by fire before he is offended past forgiveness that God who hath said he shall have none other gods but me there is no possibility of offending that God past forgiveness said faith softly so I thought when I was your age grown the fanatic sinking exhausted into a chair and bearing his face in his hands but I fell away from my high calling I love the creature rather than the creator and now outer darkness is reserved for me forever and because I love Lawrence Baxendale love him against my will and against my vows and against my conscience I would destroy my soul again were it possible to save him from the pit wherein I have fallen myself you are unjust Lawrence but you are still more unjust to God child you know not what you say did you ever hear my story asked Rufus looking up and face anger against him died down before the abject misery of his face no please tell it to me she said gently seeing that silence and loneliness had well night from Webb's brain off the balance and believing that confession even to her would be good for his soul I was the child of stern and godly parents and was brought up by them in the fear of God and in the knowledge that his all-seeing eye was ever upon me to mark iniquity should I do amiss with all my heart I strove to obey his word and to fulfill his precepts and to keep his laws like the infant Samuel I had been dedicated to his service for my birth and when I was old enough I took holy orders and offered myself as a missionary so that I might go forth and make known his word among the heathen and among the kingdoms that had not hold upon his name yes I understand said faith and encouraged by her evident sympathy Rufus proceeded but a few months before I started from China the spot to which the church had seen fit to appoint me I met a woman a young and beautiful woman and I the man set apart my God to bear upon the mountains his tidings of peace turned away from my high calling and loved this one woman with all my heart with all my strength and with all my soul with all my mind loved her as I ought to have loved my God as you would have loved him if men had not lied to you about him at his faith softly so softly that Rufus did not hear her but went on so I married her and took her out with me to China and I loved her my God how I loved her my little lettuce I who had given up all human love for the sake of the cross having put my hand to the plow turned back because of the beauty of a woman yes I love the curls at the back of her neck and the dimple on the one side of her mouth and the way her eyelashes turned backward making stars of her pretty eyes into my shame I remember all these things and love them still for the witch God will bring me to judgment again I say you are doing God an injustice your love for her ought to have taught you something of his love for you instead of which you turn his good gift into one of the nails whereby you have crucified him afresh for surely Anacin Caiaphas did not misjudge him more terribly than you have done but he punished me Rufus went on heedless of the interruption our God is indeed a jealous God the idols which we worship instead of him shall be cut down and cast into the fire and wherewith all a man sinned by the same also shall he be punished I let her deck herself with fine garments though I ought to have known that a meek and quiet spirit is the only adornment which becomes a woman I let her read novels though I ought to have known that she who love with the lie is no bit better than he who maketh a lie and I let her laugh and sing all over my house though I ought to have said of laughter it is mad and of mirth what do with it and for this also will God bring me to judgment then what became of this beautiful woman whom you love to marry listen and I will tell you and then you will see what a terrible thing it is to fight against the living God but you are fighting against him still argued faith every good gift and every perfect gift comes from him be it the beauty of art the glory of nature or the joy of human love and we are fighting against him and we refuse to accept humbly his gifts and to let them draw us nearer to him Rufus did not seem to hear what faith was saying the memory of the past was so strong upon him and for the time being it had faced the present I took lettuce out with me to China and for a year we were ideally happy together so happy that God was wroth with us for letting me are human bliss build a place in our hearts which ought to have been filled by him then there was a rising out there against the missionaries and the mission house was besieged I and my brethren held out for as long as we could but our adversaries were too many and too strong for us and at last we were overpowered and taken prisoners and your wife what became of her was she taken prisoner too do you think I was going to let her fall into the hands of those yellow devils not I when I heard the walls crashing I knew that our enemies were upon us I shot her dead with my own hand shot the tender heart which had lain upon my own and dabbled the pretty hair and blood for love of her and to save her from a fate which I could not bear to contemplate I broke God's commandment which sayeth thou shall not kill and so lost my own soul in order to save her body from torture and for love of her I would do the same again yet even were my punishment 10 times greater than it is faith was almost breathless with interest and you did not try to kill yourself as well no I should have held it a cowardly act to save myself from the consequences of my disobedience to God's word the Chinese made me and my comrades prisoners intending to torture us to death and I welcomed their tortures as some meat punishment for the sin I had committed but God in his justice sought it to make my punishment even greater than a lingering death at the hands of the Chinese when two of us were dead and two dying we were at four and all relief came and we two survivors were rescued and since then my soul has suffered agonies compared with which my bodily sufferings in that Chinese prison wears nothing face gray eyes were full of tears poor Mr. Redd I'm so sorry for you I don't wonder after all you have suffered that you have formed false ideas of God and I'm sure that he doesn't wonder either but Rufus did not hear his eyes had grown dreamy and his thoughts were far away she had such pretty eyes he murmured half to himself and when she smiled she nearly shut them which gave her a dreamy look as if she were smiling at something which other people could not see and she never could keep her hair neat though she used to laugh and say that a clergyman's wife ought at any rate to be tidy but how could I blame her when it went into such dear little curls at the back of her neck as soft as silk and as yellow as gold and as for the dimple in her cheek that faith did not stay to hear more she felt that she was treading on holy ground not intended for any feat save those of the woman who was dead so she slipped out of the room and out of the house and Rufus we've never heard her go being lost for the time in the memory of a dimple which had been dust for 20 years end of chapter six chapter seven of fuel of fire this is a LibriVox recording or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org fuel of fire by Ellen Thornycroft Fowler chapter seven a woman tense you took my life and filled it all then turned its sweetness into gall and doomed me to despair dear the life you spoiled is nearly done and if there be another one in some strange land beyond the sun I hope you won't be there dear that summer was a wonderful time for Lawrence and Nancy so wonderful that it would always stand out in their minds eyes as long as they both should live in a sort of bar relief against the ordinary winters and summers and seed times and harvest of everyday existence for a while Lawrence forgot his anxieties and poverty and the many trials which beset him and gave himself up to the enjoyment of those repeated coincidences which so often brought himself and Nancy together he deliberately shut his eyes for the time being to the lions in his way of which there were in truth a veritable menagerie and made the most of the beauty of Nancy's eyes and the music of her laughter and it is but fair to Nancy to add that she in no way stinted his opportunities of enjoying these simple pleasures but promoted the frequent recurrence of them by every means in her power as for her she was radiantly happy happier than she had ever been in her life before and happier than she would ever be again in the same irresponsible light-hearted way locked up in a remote cupboard at the very back of her mind was the certainty that Lawrence loved her although he had not told her so and she was never weary of weaving for her own discomforture doubts of him and of his honorable intentions which she enjoyed to the full supported as they were by that locked up cupboard in the background she and Lawrence talked a great deal about their friendship and pretended both to each other and to themselves that this was the correct name for the thing but they would have been terribly disappointed in their own cases and extremely disgusted in each other's if the pseudonym had finally proved itself to be anything but the flimsiest norm de blune Lawrence found it so easy to talk to Nancy he had not found it easy to talk to anyone since his father died and there is a luxury in the rare unreserve of reserved natures which the habitually outspoken find it impossible to appreciate Nancy on the contrary felt more shy with Lawrence than she had ever felt with anyone in fact he was the only person she had ever met who could give her an inkling of what the sensation called shyness really is and the naturally shy person has no idea how exquisite is a faint soup song of that to him most uncomfortable sensation to the person who has hitherto but known it as a name isn't it funny Nancy remarked confidentially to Lawrence one day when he and she were walking in the lanes that it is so easy to say you are glad to see people unless you really are glad to see them and that then it is impossible is it replied back Zendale with a smile then I am to conclude that you are always glad to see me save when you happen to mention the fact and that then you are distinctly annoyed I never do say I'm glad to see you said Nancy innocently and then became rather pink when she had realized the inference which might naturally be drawn from her statement Lawrence pretended not to notice the entrance though and going over the conversation afterward in his own mind as he had a lack of going over all conversations where in Nancy had taken apart he treated that particular remark as if it had been the utterance of an inspired symbol but at the time he merely said I thought however that you prided yourself on never making inane and conventional speeches miss Burton although of course I am aware he added that to pride oneself on not doing a thing is by no means the same as leaving it undone that's true agreed Nancy with the laugh do you know I pride myself upon being a good listener ah and upon never saying indiscreet things so I should have supposed and upon thinking too poorly of my own charms and excellencies I can quite believe it you are very rude Mr. Baxendale far from it I'm merely avoiding the rudeness of contradicting a lady and then they both laughed with the careless and delightful laughter of the young and foolish but you are right in thinking that I can't stand the civil and obvious in the way of conversation Nancy said there is a class of people who always make certain stereotype remarks which almost drive me mad as for instance well when you have been away from home for a week or two they invariably call you a bird of passage it is the most horrid expression I think but that type of conversationalist revels in it and then they say how the days are closing in and Christmas will soon be upon us as if Christmas were a movable feast and as if the days hadn't closed in and linked and out at the same rate since the time of Adam and even before then if science is to be believed exactly you know it is such a comfort to talk to you Mr. Baxendale because you have what the Psalmist calls an understanding heart you mean that I understand you pretty well perhaps I do but I don't know that that presupposes any unusual perspicuity on my part because I'm so prone to say what I think suggested Nancy not altogether as a matter of fact it is when you don't say what you think when you go out of your way to say the exact opposite that you are most enlightening and instructive then why doesn't the understanding of me prove your abnormal cleverness Nancy persisted because even a fool can generally master one subject when that subject docked you pies the whole of his thoughts and attention to the exclusion of everything else was Lawrence's reply where upon Nancy was seized with one of her delightful and inexplicable attacks of shyness and consequently confined the conversation to most uneventful and ordinary grooves until she and Mr. Baxendale had parted at the iron gate which guarded the back entrance to a sign when Lawrence reached home that afternoon he found his mother as usual in a chatty mood she was sitting in the little drawing room watching the haymakers at work in the meadow below the garden and as the sweet scents and that sweeter sounds of summer filled the air which was as yet vibrating with Nancy's laughter Lawrence felt that the world was indeed very good and that life was abundantly worth the trouble of living but Lady Alicia soon dispelled the golden glamour she had a knack of sporting the sweetest illusions and the most exalted moments with her rapidity and completeness which felt little short of genius isn't it a lovely afternoon dear Lawrence she began as her son sat down on a chair beside her I think there's nothing that gives one such beautiful thoughts as the smell of new moon hay except perhaps the sound of a band in the distance a few days ago there was a flower show at Dudley wood and as the wind was in that direction I could hear the band as I sat in the garden I shouldn't have imagined that the band at a flower show was in itself a liberal education said Lawrence in a voice out of which all the boys ring had been suddenly eliminated ah that is because you're so prosaic in commonplace that you never hear or see all the sweet and romantic things around you but I cannot blame you for this as you inherited from your poor dear father the most unpoetical and unromantic creature that ever lived what sort of beautiful visions did this particular band call up before your mind's eye my dear mother ask Lawrence wincing as he always did at his mother's way of speaking of the father whom he had adored oh it made me feel so tender and softened and chased and it was playing two lovely black eyes if I remember rightly or else the girl I left behind me I'm not sure now which but I felt I quite forgave your poor dear father for all the trouble and poverty and economy that he had entailed on me by his most unjustifiable marriage with the young girl brought up in luxury as I had been too young alas to know her own mind Lawrence did not speak however trying Lady Alicia might be he never forgot that she was his mother and this remembrance often obliged him to take refuge in silence so that he might not offend with his tongue against that commandment which makes no exceptions in favor of those who have no sympathy with the idiosyncrasies of the father and mother whom they are bidden to honor Lady Alicia plastically continued the power of association is very strong in poetical nature such as mine and that is why sounds in sense affect me so much I remember dear words were said something very sweet about something I forget what it was but I fancy it was a pet lamb or a daisy which made you think of things too deep for tears I so often feel like that indeed Lawrence knew he was ungracious but for the life of him he could not help it when his mother talked in this way for instance she went on I never smell mint sauce without thinking of the day when dear Lord Watercrest proposed to me we were at a dinner party at the time and the lamb was just being handed round and even yet after all these years the smell of mint sauce always recalls poor dear watercrest how beautifully he spoke and how heart broken he was when I refused him ah I had such good offers when I was young and it was the knowledge of how much better I might have done that made it so hard for me to forgive your poor father when I discovered that he was not so well off as I had been led to expect then Lawrence felt constrained to expose Julie I'm sure my father never deceived you as to his income he was the most single-minded and upright and honorable man I ever came across he was incapable of deceiving anybody least of all the woman he loved well he didn't exactly deceive me in so many words and even if he had my dear father would have ferreted out the truth about his prospects then what do you mean by saying that father was not as well off as you had been led to expect I was such an unsophisticated romantic young creature full of love and fire and poetry and things of that kind don't you know that when he told me he was poor I imagined I loved him all the more for it even now and although I am speaking of myself I cannot help feeling that there was something very beautiful and touching in a young girl who had been brought up as I have been being ready to sacrifice the world for love it is the sort of thing that one would read about in a novel and think so very very sweet but like the celebrated sacrifice to Baila Mount Carmel the fire from heaven was apparently wanting in your case remark Lawrence somewhat bitterly bitterness like humor was however lost on Lady Alicia yes she went on in her well-bred expressionless voice I can see how unspoiled and unsophisticated my nature was and such simplicity was indeed beautiful in a girl who had never done her hair herself or put on a dress worth less than 20 guinea since she was born I can remember now how beautifully I spoke to Alvin about caring more for him than for wealth or rank or any of the other necessaries of life and how the tears came into his eyes when he kissed me and said he hoped to God that he should prove himself in some measure worthy of such love so it was also very very touching and pathetic but if you said all that to him how can you blame him for believing you lady Alicia sighed plaintively ah he was older than I was and knew more of the world and of how very unpleasant it is to be poor and he ought not to have taken advantage of my nobility and generosity I blame him for taking me at my word and I shall always consider it show to sad selfishness on his part did you ever tell him that you blamed him ask Lawrence quietly of course I did over and over again I think it is such false kindness to keep from people the consequences of their own falling selfishness we are put into this world to help other people and how can we do this better than by pointing out to them their faults and their mistakes and so helping them to correct them ah murmured Lawrence his mother's gearlessness through most instructive lights upon his father's character but I grieve to say that your poor father never took his chasenings in the right spirit when I used to tell him what a bitter disappointment my marriage had been to me and how I regretted the two great sacrifice which he had demanded at my hands instead of apologizing as the ought to have done for having exposed a woman of my rank to such inconvenience he used to become quite sarcastic and say things which he apparently intended to be funny though I never could see the point of them I wonder if all women end by hating their husbands unless those husbands happen to be rich said Lawrence meditating as to whether should he succeed in attaining his heart's desire and winning Nancy's love she would finally break that heart as his mother had broken his father's of course they do all nice minded women that is to say who are too delicate and sensitive to put up with a hugger mugger home and to do without the refinements of life it is very beautiful to believe that love is everything when one is quite young very very beautiful and it would pain me inexpressively to think that I had not believed it in my innocent girlish days but as one grows older and one does not mind growing older when one thinks of how beautiful the autumn tints and flowers are and how attractive it is to grow old gracefully one cannot but realize that our thoroughly capable butler makes a house more comfortable than the most devoted of husbands and that one cannot really get enough to eat unless one has a cook who can make good entrees and savories the young may digest plain joints but not the middle aged a flood of pity for his poor silly mother rushed into Lawrence's heart he not understood before how much she minded being poor like his father Lawrence would have believed that a man could make a woman happy quite apart from the question of money if they only loved each other enough and so he could worthy said woman's heart of the best quality but many women have hearts not of the best quality and these also have to be reckoned with if a man built his house upon the sand the plea that he must took that sand for rock will in no wise avail him when the rains descend and the floods come and the wind blows and the house falls and great is the fall of it I'm afraid our present circumstances are a bit rough on you mother Lawrence said very gently I wonder if there's anything that I could do which would make things easier for you dear Lawrence what a dutiful son you are you are more unselfish than your poor father after all I suppose it is the poor color strain in your blood which makes you superior to him and more like me and my people the motes are all peculiarly sensitive and this poor all one never could understand still my father's family is a considerably older one than yours if you come to that Lawrence had made up his mind to keep his temper whatever his mother might say but it was no easy matter yes there is no doubt of that your ancestors were owners of backs and dale while mine poor deers were selling wool or leather or something equally unpleasant nevertheless there is a refinement and delicacy of perception among the motes which is sadly lacking in the backs and dales then my dear mother considering that according to your own showing my density is rather my misfortune than my fault won't you take the trouble to point out to me more clearly than would be necessary where I am out how I can make life easier for you ah now you are reasonable and remind me of my dear father who was ever the most sensible and trustworthy of men where you see poor as we are to begin with this horrid fire insurance makes us still poorer a hundred and fifty pounds a year is a large sum to pay out of an income of barely five hundred it is mother confoundedly large no one knows that better than I do then dear Lawrence couldn't you leave off paying it we should be so much better off if you did I know we should and to tell you the truth were our three to follow my own judgment I should leave off paying it and should take the risk of backs and dale being burned down for the third time more than a quarter of one's entire income is a good deal to pay to ensure oneself against an off chance for it is only an off chance that the hall should be burned down again at any rate in our time dear Lawrence you are a moded heart though outwardly you resemble poor dear Alwyn then why not leave off paying that tiresome insurance money because unfortunately I can't it was stated in my grandfather's will that my father and his son only inherited the property on condition that we ensure the house and the books and the pictures for a hundred thousand pounds and if I fail to fulfill this condition I forfeit my claim on the estate which then goes to the Hampshire backs and dales you are sure of this dear Lawrence perfectly sure you don't suppose I should pay all that money without assuring myself that I was bound to pay it do you but I grant you it is a confounded nuisance then why not sell some of the books there are lots of clever interesting people would only be too glad to buy some of the dear dirty old things because that tiresome old grandfather of mine only left his library to my father and his heirs in trust we have no right to part with a single volume lady Alicia was silent for a moment so was Lawrence while his thoughts ran right on what he would say to Nancy if only he were not so horribly poor he did not believe that his mother was right and that Nancy's love would be measured according to his riches nevertheless Lady Alicia's remark had conjured up an uncomfortable doubt in his mind as to how far Nancy was actually superior to the ordinary run of girls any ground his teeth as he realized that his poverty made it impossible for him to set this detestable doubt at rest once and forever by putting a single question to her and reading the answer in her pretty blue eyes then Lady Alicia began to speak again in her sweetest and most ingratiating manner that manner in which she used to clothe herself for the opening of bazaars and the giving away of prizes and such like functions in the days of her prosperity and which invariably elicited a very ecstasy of appreciation from the local newspapers whose pleasing duty it was to send forth a report of her ladieship's graciousness to all such dwellers in outer darkness as had not enjoyed the privilege of beholding it for themselves with the eye of flesh does it never strike you dear Lawrence what a good thing it would be if the hall were burned down and we had that hundred thousand pounds to live upon but we couldn't use it for anything save rebuilding the house mother my grandfather's will seized to that i know we couldn't touch the capital my love but we might live on the income or else we might spend half the capital on rebuilding a live on the interest of the rest we could build a sweet house for fifty thousand pounds or even less a dear lovely home with all the refinements of life in a green drawing room carpet i cannot tell you how i long for a green drawing room carpet Lawrence it is such a softening influence on the character i think it makes one feel as if one were living in the primeval forest or the garden of Eden or some other sweet spot near the heart of nature just as the sky blue wallpaper seems to bring one nearer to heaven don't you know for all her sentimentalism the spirit of her commercial ancestors still lived and moved in Lady Alicia in Baxondale and she knew to a penny how that hundred thousand pounds should be invested if only she could lay hands on it i wish i could afford to buy you a green drawing room carpet mother and Lawrence sigh well so you could if you were not absurdly careful old matey i should almost call it in seeing after dear old mrs candy i've often heard you caution the good soul against carrying a lighted candle into the library now why shouldn't she if she wants to and if a spark did fall among the old books and manuscripts all the better for us oh mother you are not thinking what you are saying yes love i am and i've often thought it sometimes when i recall the old legend it seems to me that it would be a positive duty instead of a sin to burn the hall down for the third time and so fulfill the prophecy it is really a duty to fulfill prophecy if one can see how anxious daniel and isa and people of that kind were to do so and they were remarkably good men and have always been considered so nevertheless those who do evil that good may come are not considered remarkably good men or at any rate were not by saint paul replied laurence his lips tightening into a grim smile our dear child it does not do to dwell too much upon saint paul sings i often think that he was a little hard and narrow especially where women were concerned laurence thought the apostle to the Gentiles had some excuse for his opinions even if lady alicia's strictures upon him were correct but he did not say so and his mother went on for my part i think you would be quite justified in lighting your pipe in the library back sunday or in insisting upon Mrs candy keeping up the fires or in putting up hay ricks close to the house oh mother don't i can't bear it cried laurence an almost physical spasmer pain clutching his heart he'd always wondered why his father had been so glad to die so glad to say goodbye to the red earth and the green woods and the sunset glories of the western hills now he knew you see dear laurence the hall has got to be burned down once again we all know that and it would be so much nicer if it happened in our time while we were still able to enjoy the benefit of it it isn't as if the hall needn't be burned again if that were so i should say it was very very wrong to do anything that could occasion the slightest danger and you know i am the last person to count in as what i consider really wrong but the hall is obliged to be burned once again by something which is stronger than king or estate i so often wonder what that can mean avarice according to you mother was laurence's bitter rejoinder oh no dear child something much more poetical and beautiful than that perhaps the love of a son for a mother or mother for a son or some other of those delightful and touching emotions which are so refining to the character in fact it seems to me that it would not only be wrong it would be actually right to help to fulfill that strange old prophecy and show one's faith in the supernatural for there's nothing that elevates one's own mind and has such a good influence on the servants as belief in the supernatural it keeps one from growing sordid or mean or commonplace laurence fairly grown never had the gulf which separated his mother from himself you aren't so wide as it did now and he knew it would be useless worse than useless to argue with her he and she spoke different languages and moved on different planes and then she went on cheerfully think how nice it would be for you dear laurence to have an income of two or three thousand a year you might marry some nice girl who would cure you of the somewhat morose and then social habits which are fast growing upon you there's nothing like a charming wife for making a man sociable and unselfish though last with a sigh his marriage never had that effect upon your poor father i'm sure it wasn't my fault i was always as agreeable and well-dressed as it was possible to be on our limited income but he never seemed to appreciate my efforts to make his home attractive to other people which i hold to be one of the chief duties of a wife dear laurence was son of the darkness which might be thought was enveloping his soul it was all so hopeless his mother went on i sometimes think that nancy burton is attracted by you and i don't know that she would be a bad wife for you though you ought to do better she is always well-dressed and has quite nice manners for a person of that class i feel sure she would jump at you as people like that are always so glad to alive themselves with us and no doubt mr burton dear sensible creature that he is would allow his daughter a handsome sum in consideration of her making such a brilliant match but i don't think his allowance would be sufficient to marry on as of course you would have to keep up a separate home for me you will understand that i with my sensitive perceptions could not possibly live in the same house with a girl home but this was too much for laurence excuse me mother but i would rather not discuss miss burton even with you he said as he bounced out of the room and banged the door behind him end of chapter seven