 Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. This is Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young's father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Anderson's, brought to you by Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. Here, 1867, a man named Christopher Shoal sat down at a typewriter in Milwaukee and pecked out that immortal sentence, now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party. Naturally, he wasn't thinking of Springfield at the time, but if ever a party needed being come to the aid of, it's the Christmas Branigan being arranged for the country club by the Anderson's and their friends. And if you've never heard a welcome ring, you ought to hear what's going on in the living room of the White Frame House on Maple Street. As a matter of fact, you can, like this. She's only a bird in a guild. A beautiful sight to see. She's happy and free from care. But... Hey, bud. Wait a minute, fellas. Now, what's the matter? Well, how come you get to sing all the words? Well, that's the way you're supposed to do it. Who said so? My father said so. You mean all we're ever going to get to sing is... Ah, let him sing it, Joe. What's the difference? Yeah, we don't have to remember so much. I want to sing more than hmm. It's monotonous. But that's how they do it on the Jack Benny program. Look, Joe, it's going to be a gay 90s party, isn't it? Well, I know, but... And you want the singing to sound like the gay 90s, don't you? Well, sure, but... And why don't you stop arguing? You weren't even living when they had the gay 90s. Well, so what? Neither were you. My father was. He was? What a dope. You didn't think he was born yesterday, did you? No, but... Gosh, I didn't know that. Boy, are you naive. Hey, if that means stupid. Oh. Well, now that we got that settled... Look, bud, my father told me... Wait a minute. What does your father know about the gay 90s? Yeah, where was he born? My father? Yeah. In Philadelphia? Okay, then shut up. Let's go, bud. Right, where were we? Let's start over. Okay. Hmm... It's only a bird in a gill. Full sight to see. She's happy and free from... What? Why don't we ask him again? Oh. Your father, he just got home. He did? Hiya, dad. Hello, bud. Well, what are you boys up to now? Hi, man. Were rehearsing our song for the country club party, dad? Would you like to hear it? Well, I... It won't be any trouble, Mr. Anderson. We're getting real good. Yeah. We're real humdingers. Me thinks I detect a slight note of bitterness. Something wrong, Joe? Mr. Anderson, when you were a kid in the gay 90s, did everybody say... Wait a minute. When... When I was what? Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Anderson. When you were a child in the gay 90s. That's more like it. What about when I was a child in the gay 90s? Everybody's saying, hmm, didn't they, dad? No. I'd say it was more of a boop-boop-a-doop. In the gay 90s? Well, we call them the gay 20s. And they sang boop-boop-a-doop? Oh, yes. Practically all day long. Wouldn't hmm be a lot easier? I mean, mom said boop-boop-a-doop. I'm sorry, bud. I didn't mean to get you all confused. Oh, we aren't confused. Are we, Freddie? Who isn't? We aren't. There's only a burning candle that can't boop-boop-a-doop. Does that sound like the gay 90s? It doesn't sound like the gay anything. Boys, I, uh... I wouldn't count too heavily on the Christmas party if I were you. You wouldn't, holy cow, dad. I know you've been looking forward to it, but you see, certain things have come up and we may have to call the whole thing off. Call it off. Oh, but you can, Mr. Anderson. We've been practicing all afternoon. Well, there isn't anything definite about it. I mean, where's your mother, bud? She's in the den with Betty. Gosh, Mr. Anderson, you can't call off the Christmas party. Can you? Well, I don't want to, Joe, but you go ahead with your practicing and, uh, we'll see what happens. Do you think he means it about calling it off? I don't know. He certainly sounded like he meant it, didn't he, Freddie? Who? When I was a child in the gay 90s. Diamond Jim Anderson. That's me. Betty, your father won't stand for it and please, let's not have any arguments. What mother... What won't I stand for? Oh, hello, dear. We didn't hear you come in. Hi, father. Hello, daddy. Margaret, if you'll take those pins out of your mouth. I'm sorry, dear. Is that better? Much. Well... Lily and Russell as I live and breathe. Isn't it beautiful, father? Yes, sir. Bustle and all. That's quite a dress. Betty wants mommy to take the shoulder straps off. All right, Kathy. Well, that's what you said, isn't it? Just you wait. Margaret? We're not going to touch the shoulder straps, Jim. Jumping creepers. Ha-ha! But you've got to do something about Kathy. She's been impossible all day. Mommy! I'm sorry, Kathy, but you have. She's a disgrace to the entire family. I am not. You certainly are. What has she done now? I haven't done anything, daddy. Honest, I haven't. Besides, he pushed me first. Honey, don't you think this is something for you to... Well... I've got to get this hem pinned up, Jim. It'll never be done. I know, but... Betty, if you keep slouching like that, I'll never get it even. Pardon me. Margaret, I've had a very trying day and... Kathy, tell your father what you did. I didn't do anything. Anything much. Betty, please. I wasn't slouching. They were playing with boats at Jimmy Woody's, and Kathy pushed the poor child right into the bathtub. With his clothes on. Well, I should hope so. And she refuses. She refuses, mind you, to apologize. But he pushed me first. He pushed you into the bathtub? No, but he pushed me. Kathy... And why should I apologize when he pushed me first? Kitten, it isn't a question of who did it first. You want to be his friend, don't you? Well, sure, but... Then think how simple it is. You say, I'm sorry, and it's all over. But why shouldn't he say he's sorry first? Because he isn't as big as you are. He's bigger than I am. I don't mean that kind of big. I mean big in a sense of character and integrity. You're bigger that way. I am? You can be. You see, Kitten, if you've made a mistake and you acknowledge it, that's being big. If you have a very good friend and you've had some little misunderstanding, it doesn't matter whose fault it is. The big thing to do is to say, I'm sorry, pal. Let's forget the whole thing. Right, honey? Oh, dear, it's still higher on this side. See? That means your mother agrees with me. Daddy? Yes, Kitten? If I go over to apologize, will you go with me? I'll be glad to. As a matter of fact, we'll do it right now. And then I'll be bigger, and he is. You certainly will be. Margaret. Go ahead, dear. I'm listening. Kathy and I are going over to apologize. We're gonna be big. That's fine, dear. And, Jim, tell Lucille if Kathy ruined anything, we'll be glad to pay for it. Lucille? Half the way? Of course. What has she got to do with Jimmy Woody? Kathy, didn't you say... It was Jimmy Woody's bathtub, Daddy. But I pushed Brad half the way. Now, just a minute. You said... Jim, no matter what she said, it was Brad half the way who landed in the tub. Head first. The little monster seems proud of it. Betty, please. I'm going to apologize because I'm big. Aren't I, Daddy? You certainly are. But, uh, tell you what, Kitten, right after dinner, I'll drop you off at the Hathaway's on my way to the club. But I want to apologize now. We won't have the time, baby. After all, dinner is almost ready and... Dinner won't be ready for another hour, Jim. He might get the idea and then he'll come over here to apologize and then he'll be big. Well, what's wrong with that? I've got my hands full as it is. Kitten, look. Why don't you write a nice long letter to Brad? Kathy. Kathleen. Yes, Mommy? Stop that. Yes, Mommy? And behave yourself. But I want to apologize and nobody will let me. Of course we will. You can go down to the Hathaway's and apologize for the next hour. By myself? Jim, I'm not going to have that child running around the neighborhood alone after dark. I didn't mean alone. Betty can go with it. Oh, I can't, Father. I'm full of pins. Well, there's no reason why Bud can't take her, is there? Bud! Jim. It'll do us all good, honey. Get that bird out of her cage for a while. Bud! You want me dead? Jim, will you please tell me one thing? Why don't you want to go to the Hathaway's? I did tell you. I've had a very trying day and I'm very tired. And I'd like to take a little nap before dinner, that's all. You're sure? Yes! Just a minute, Bud. Of course I'm sure. You certainly don't think... I mean... Yes? Honey, it isn't as though I... I'm not a child, Margaret, and I... Yes? Well, if you must know, Jim Hathaway and I aren't speaking. Of course Father isn't acting like a child. Oh, no. He's just enjoying a difference of opinion. Well, that's too bad. But more often than not, we agree with our friends about things that are important to us. For example, when it comes to coffee, truly good coffee with a flavor you enjoy cup after cup, most families throughout America agree that means Maxwell House coffee. Indeed, more families buy and enjoy Maxwell House coffee than any other brand at any price. The reason, of course, is that wonderful good to the last drop flavor, a flavor that belongs to Maxwell House alone. And here's why that's true. You see, coffee grows in many parts of the world and there are all kinds of grades and varieties. But the Maxwell House people insist on the very choicest extra-flavor coffees. For example, fancy Manizales coffees are selected for fragrant mellowness, superb mellons for extra richness, choice Bucaramangas coffees for fine, full body. In fact, Maxwell House buys more of these superb premium coffees than anyone else. Then these wonderful extra-flavor coffees are blended with traditional Maxwell House skill in just the right proportions to create that one and only good to the last drop flavor. And believe me, that flavor is so good, so downright enjoyable cup after cup, that once you've tried Maxwell House, you'll never again be satisfied with any coffee but Maxwell House. The one coffee that's always good to the last drop. There's one thing about wives and children too for that matter. They just don't seem to understand that the things that happen to a husband or a father are, well, different. Arguments between children or women can be settled very easily because after all they're just foolish little misunderstandings, aren't they? Of course. But when there's a difference of opinion between men, well, that's another story like this. Honey, he was wrong and you know it. But you're both working for the same thing, aren't you? That has nothing to do with it. I was appointed chairman of the Christmas Party Committee and he had no right to interfere. I don't think he was trying to interfere, dear. He wasn't. Well, if it isn't interfering, I'd like to know what you call it. I think he was trying to help. But nobody asked him to help. That's the point. Just because he's the president of the club, he has no right to think he can run things to suit himself. The committee picked out the gay 90s theme and everybody was very happy with it. I know, dear. What right did he have to come up with a western theme? That's what I'd like to know. Well, Lucille explained the whole thing to me. She thought... Oh, she's the one. It isn't bad enough having the president interfere. Now it's his wife. Lucille was not interfering. She merely said... Next thing you know, she'll be running the Greens Committee. Jim, will you please listen? Of course. Go right ahead. See anything you please. All right. Lucille told me... After all, who am I? I'm only the chairman of the committee. That's all. They realize that. But Lucille told me... We spent hours discussing the best possible theme for the Christmas party. But you don't have to pay any attention to us. We're only the committee. Are you quite finished? I'm sorry. Go ahead. You seem to have forgotten one thing. Lucille told me... We discussed themes until we were blue in the face. You know, people don't just pick out a gay 90s theme by accident. It took a lot of very careful thought. Jim, will you please be quiet? Uh-huh. Now, I'm not even allowed to have an opinion. I can be pushed around by Jim and Lucille Hathaway, and that's all right. But if I try to say one word, but one word... Well? Well, what? What did Lucille tell you? Oh, we're back to that old thing. Margaret, if you're going to tell me, tell me. Now? Of course. Well, if Steve Brody could jump off a bridge... Lucille Hathaway told me... Yes? Thank you. She spoke to at least a dozen wives. Now, look, honey, this happens to be a club run by and for a group of men. And every single one of them said they'd have too much trouble finding a gay 90s costume for their husband. And they thought that something else would be simpler and less expensive. There, I said it, and I'm glad. Margaret, you don't have to shout at me. No. Tell me one other way I can make you listen. Be like a man. Use logic. Oh, fiddle-dee-dee. Honey, profanity will get you nowhere. Jim, I... Oh, what's the use? I give up. Look, I don't want you to think I'm being stubborn. Of course not. But what right did Jim Hathaway have to go over our heads and ask that the theme of the party be changed? He thought he was acting for the good of the club. This happens to be a republic, not a dictatorship. And when one man takes it upon himself to defy the very principles of American democracy, then it's high time that the people... Oh, stop it. What? Ever since they made you chairman of that silly committee, you've done nothing but make speeches. Why, Margaret? The issue is perfectly simple and clear, but you won't face it. The issue is that Jim Hathaway had no right... Gay 90 costumes are very elaborate and very expensive, and no one is going to bother making them. Jim Hathaway had no right... With the western theme, you just throw on some old clothes and make a face like Coppillan Cassidy. That's all there is to it. May I please say something? Pray do. Thank you. Jim Hathaway had no right... Jim Hathaway had nothing to do with it. Margaret, I was there when he came in. And if you must know, the western idea was mine. Honey, how could you do a thing like that to me? I'm sorry, Angel. But do you realize how much work is involved in making gay 90 costumes for five people? You made one for Betty, and it looked beautiful. That happens to be her new evening gown, and I was merely shortening it. Oh, I thought you bought her a new evening gown? With a bustle? Bustles are back. Well, that's the logical place for them. Last week you said she didn't need a new evening gown. And this week I decided she did. Any questions? I'm all mixed up. The committee decided that... Jim, a western theme is so much more informal and practical. Everyone agrees that it's a much more sensible idea. They do? Yes, dear. They didn't like the gay 90's idea. They liked it, sweetheart. But it just isn't worth all the effort. But the committee decided that the gay 90's... Dad! The committee would have decided something else if you'd asked a few women. Besides, we've ordered $50 worth of decorations. Say, Dad, would you like to hear something? Come on in, fellas. But we're very busy right now. This will only take a minute, Dad. Boon it, fellas. Ah! We changed the whole arrangement, like you said, and it sounds great, doesn't it, Joe? Yeah. It's real keen. But I just told you... Line up, fellas, and we'll do it for him. But... It's no use, dear. We might as well hear it. You'll love it, Mom. It'll take you back to your childhood in the gay 90's. That'll be nice. Well, go ahead, bud, and get it over with. You bet, Dad. Ready, fellas? Yeah. Okay, here we go. She's all in our guilt. She seems to be... What on earth? I'll tell you about it later. Go ahead, boys, you're doing fine. It's sad when you think... Boop! Think about that Western idea. What? Yes, dear. Everything's fine. Boys were singing! What's the matter with her? Bud, what would you and the other boys think of a Western theme for the Christmas party? Western? That's right. No, cowboys, Indians, that sort of thing. Did they sing about a bird in a gilded cage? They did not. Well, then how could we sing? I think the Western theme is a very good idea. Fellas, let's go back to the living room. What for? I've got an idea about how we can do Home on the Range. With or without boobs. Yeah, that's a good idea. We'll see you later. Take your time, boys. There's no hurry. Jim, don't you think you're being a little mean to the boys? I was only kidding them, you know that. And what was that boo-boo-padoop business? Oh, I didn't know they were going to take me seriously. They asked me how we used to sing in the good old gay nighting. Kathy! Kathy, what is it? Daddy, it's Mr. Hathaway and Brad. Well, why get all excited? But Brad's going to apologize and then he'll be big. Margaret. I'll take care of it, dear. Come along, Kathy. Mommy, don't let him apologize to me. Jim, not interrupting anything, am I? Of course not. Come on in. Thank you. Sit down. Thank you. That was a nice night, isn't it? Yes. Yes, it's, uh, uh, where's Brad? He went into the kitchen for a drink. Oh. Uh, nice night, isn't it? Yes. Say Jim. I guess we ought to take turns. Yeah, it certainly looks that way. Jim. This is getting to be a habit. Look, I just want you to know that I'm sorry about, well, our little misunderstanding. So am I. It was pretty silly, wasn't it? It sure was. Brad, I have notified the committee that we'll follow your gay 90s plan. Wait a minute. You had no right to do that. Well, why not? I've decided you were right and we ought to have the Western theme. But we can't. Why not? I've already told the committee. You had no right to tell the committee. I'm the chairman. Now look, Jim. Lucille went out and bought a whole gay 90s outfit. And if you think that I... I don't care if she bought 12 of them. You had no right going over my head. But the gay 90s was your idea. And the Western was yours. I'm the president. And I say we'll have the gay 90s. We'll have the Western. Gay 90s. Western. Father, you've got to stop them. It's terrible. What's the matter? Kathy and Brad, they're fighting. What? I thought Kathy wanted to apologize. They both do and they're fighting about it. Well, we'll just see about that. Come on, Jim. But don't think we're not going to have the gay 90s. Father, hurry. We're going to have the Western. Gay 90s. Western. Gay 90s. Western. Let's have another cup of coffee. You know, that phrase has become a traditional part of American family life. And in most families throughout America, the coffee that fills the cups is Maxwell House coffee, chosen above all others for its superb good to the last drop flavor. That's why I say start serving our coffee to your family. There's such hearty good cheer in every fragrant cup of Maxwell House coffee. You'll say it has the best flavor you've ever tasted. Then just count all the truly good cups you get from each pound. You'll agree that Maxwell House is today's coffee buy. And remember, Maxwell House coffee comes in three grinds, regular, drip and pulverized, one exactly suited to the way you make coffee. So look for the sign of good coffee, the big white cup and drop on the familiar blue tin. Take home Maxwell House, the one coffee that's always good to the last drop. It's sometime later and the Christmas party at the Springfield Country Club is mercifully a thing of the past. Now it's after midnight and the Andesons are on their way home, happy and definitely exhausted, like this. Well, that was quite a party, wasn't it? Yes, it sure was. Best party we've ever had, that's what it was. A gay night he's Western. How about a little close harmony, honey? Mom's asleep, Dad. Oh. Benny? She is too, in South Catholic. Well, looks like we're the only live wires in the crowd. You said it. Now let's try Down By The Old Mill stream. Okay? Okay. Here we go. Down By The Old. It doesn't sound right if we both take the harmony. Tell you what we'll do. I'll carry the melody the first time through and you'll take the harmony. Then we'll try it again and we'll switch parts, okay? Here we go. Down By The Old. That isn't... Oh, well. Down By The Old. You were going to take the kids to see Santa? I did. Well, then how'd you find time to make this gorgeous dessert? Jello's easy to make. Mmm, sure is delicious, so fruit rich. Might easy on the grocery bill too. That's a help with Christmas gifts to buy. Let's have it often. Sure, six delicious flavors to choose from and lots of easy, thrifty ways to fix them up. That's Jello for Red Letter Desserts. Always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Mr. Keen Tracer of Lost Persons brings you mystery tonight on NBC.