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Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Where was that last week? What I need to do though, sorry, we haven't even said hello yet. What I need to do though is I need to label up these sound effects so that I know where they are, because otherwise going through all this stuff first is... Leave that with me, that's the work. I hear it by the way. Hello, Dave. How are you? Do you know I'm full of cold, but otherwise I'm all right. You're good at the sound effects, all that's good. That is good. The whole podcast just uses sound effects as reactions. Every time, yeah. That's it. Back of the net. Sounded like very much like the candle after on Friends. That Friends has obviously been in the news of late. Sad news, Dave's sad news obviously Matthew Perry passed away last week. But just because every time I put something on, I see old clips of Friends and makes me sad, and you see a candle there, but it was sad, Dave wasn't it? Very sad. Really weird, no genuinely really really sad to hear about that. And I think we all have a... We all have a relationship, don't we? TV wise with Friends. I think we all know about it. It's all part of our lives, our generation. So yes, it's a real shame. But I was delighted to see that the whole cast went to his funeral and made their respects and just proved that actually they were all still pretty close towards the end. So nice to see. Well, it was good to see. Let's pick it. I don't know why we just don't know. It's because of the lack of the fit. I don't know why that was a random thing. No, no, I want to pay my respect to Matthew Perry, who brought me lots of laps. So that's okay. Once something that didn't bring me lots of laps was evidence one-one draw with Brighton at the weekend. 20% possession wasn't great, but third game in six days didn't lose any of them. But I still felt Dave when we got that late in the game. You look at what might have been, and that two points just slipped from our grasp in the last kind of five or six minutes. I think it was the nature of the goal as well, wasn't it? That doesn't help. I mean, had it been a cleanly struck and well worked goal, it might have been slightly different because we know that they're a good side, but I think when it goes in as a flick like that, it's even more galling. I mean, I've only seen the highlights. I wasn't there in terms of the balance of play. Do you feel that it was two points dropped as opposed to, you know, a well-earned point? I personally can't say it was two points dropped. It was just when you're that close to the end, it feels like two points dropped. They had 80% of the ball. What I would say is they didn't create anything throughout the game. My trauma was very good, but they had all the ball and I knocked it down. They played nice football and they moved into space and all of that, but they didn't create anything. But I still couldn't sit here and make a case for if I deserved to win. Brighton didn't deserve to win either, but I couldn't sit here and go, Ped, we deserved to win. No, we didn't deserve to win and they didn't deserve to win. And possession is one of those things, isn't it? You know, not on forest, I think one with 27% possession. Luton have nearly pulled off a win with a similar 25, 26% possession. It's not always what you do with the ball. It's what you do without the ball. And the facts are, Everton Football Club at the moment are a better team without the ball. OK, you never want to see the position that low in a game. But I also don't think it was a tactic not to have the ball that much. I just think that we give it away far too fast. The players more than that. I always think, and we say quite often, 37% is our sweet spot, because it generally is. We normally get good results around 37%, 40%. So, yeah, you didn't want it that low, but Brighton are an exceptional side at keeping the ball. But going actually towards the goal is a different thing. We'll see what it was on Saturday. No, I think you'd like it. It was more, I don't think it was the game plan to give them as much of the ball as we did. I think it was just the players didn't take care of it enough. Too many times, just hacked it anyway. And she won't like to say this anyway. The weekend, they've got to be better with the ball. The Premier League footballers, they've got to be able to keep the ball and pass it a bit buff. But I suppose three games in six days, Dave will, against a team that hadn't played in the week. And if you have the ball all the time, it was always going to be a big ask coming towards the end of the game. Yeah, I think so. I still feel, and again, forgive me, I wasn't there. So I'm just basing it on highlights that I've seen. But I think it still goes into the bracket of us moving in the right direction. I certainly don't see it as being a fall from where we are necessarily. I know that you're saying it's annoying having got that late on not to have come away with all three points. But I still feel that it's part of this upward trajectory and things are looking a lot better now. And just generally, the performances, I just think have been a lot more encouraging and long may continue. So, yeah, I mean, I'm quite happy at the minute, relatively speaking. It's difficult to say, isn't it? Because when are we ever really happy? But at the minute, I'm actually relatively content with us and our lot. I think what we're getting at is something we spoke about earlier, which we were asking for that level of consistency in terms of knowing what you're going to get. The players all seem to be scrapping and battling for everything. The quality isn't always there at times. I think it's a confidence thing of being able to put your foot on the ball and we did miss on Anna. But at least getting that kind of performance level, I guess. I don't think the quality is going to be there because I don't think we've got the quality. I think we've got two or three players. We've got a little bit extra. The likes of Oana and the likes of Dom. And, you know, certainly like Branthwy coming through as a centre back. But I don't think there's a lot of quality throughout the team in terms of attack and play. So, I'm with Dave in a way. I think the last few weeks, it's all evened itself out a little bit and you're seeing a level of consistency now. A level of consistency that's seen a lot of people disappointed by Saturdays. Which is a good thing. It's a good thing, yeah. I don't think it's not necessarily a stick to beat the manager with. I think it's more because the players, I thought it was the players on Saturday and maybe just lack that quality. That's what you're always going to get that with the manager, aren't you? Because if you are a team that has less of the ball, naturally, if you're playing a really good team, you're going to even have even less of it. And if the players don't show up and keep the ball the way they should do, then you're going to have even less of it. But I'm quite content about it. There's no sleepless night. I look at the teams at the bottom and think, we are better than those teams. And I look at the teams around us and think, there's not that much between us either. I suppose that's the disappointing way we started this season. You can't get those games back no matter how people feel about them or what should have happened. You can't get them back. But I think if we keep on going like this, we'll be all right. It's just a case of keeping the squad fit more than anything. The only real thing about Saturday, the disappointing aspect of it was just the substitutions. That was the only... I can't have a goal to manage it for the way we play. Because I do, like you, I think it was the more on the players, just kicking it anywhere. I don't think he was saying kick it anywhere. But I think just the subs like that, you could see real clear evidence that those players were getting tired as the game went on. I think three games and six days against anyone, you do feel it kind of like the last 15-20 minutes. But against the team that keeps the ball and moves the ball so well, the dragging it all over the place. I do feel once it got to 10 minutes from the end, I think it should have been a bit early, but 10 minutes from the end for me, he should have made those changes and Jack had us running on. The fumes at the end, he should have been off. And who knows, had he put Paterson on and just pushed Ashley Young into right in the field. Maybe he would have got a bit, maybe he would have got away with it, but I just think at some stage, he is going to have to trust the subs a little bit more. He's going to have to. Seenly after a game after three days anyway. We've got nine or 10 in December with the full on game now. I think it is. So Dave, he's going to have to trust some of these subs, isn't he? Yeah, he's going to have to because there won't be a deal without them. Simple as that. Because they made five changes on Saturday, didn't they? They made five, yeah. They made four before we'd even made one, so we made the double substitution on the 19th minute. Obviously the goal had already gone in and it was a case of, it was a case of could we get one more chance, but it never really happened. They never really did anything guide us, so I think it was almost like both teams had settled for a point at that stage, even though in the last couple of minutes, I'll take the point and move on to the next one. That's the best way to look at it. Dave, Crystal Palace away at the weekend, we're in. Like we've just said, we're in a better moment as the Spanish managers like to say than what we have been. And we're going up against the team that is always 10th in the league no matter what they're doing. But it's a game I think that everything can go and win. Much of a threat as Palace can be. I think they've scored nine goals in 11 games. I think it is something like that, or the low score is anyway. You don't concede loads either, but it's a game that can definitely go and get three points in. Absolutely, there's nothing to be fearful of there and I think especially if they bear in mind the situation and the performance that they had against West Ham, who for me on paper are a harder opposition away from home ordinarily than Palace, then I don't think they've got anything to worry about. And again, hopefully without sounding sort of misguided in terms of where we see ourselves, I like to think that we are, as you said, we're in a slightly different bracket now. Let's not get too comfortable, but I do feel that we're not down there with the bottom three. We're now looking more around the other sides that occupy that mid-table slot of which Palace are in there. I don't think we've got anything to fear. We've proven in recent games that actually when the application is right and with a bit more confidence and Dominic is looking a lot sharper now up front, which has made a real difference I think to the way that we play. There's no reason at all why we should be fearful of anything that they have in store for us. We go there, we do our best, we see what happens. I'm a little bit worried as he's back, isn't he? And I see him straight away on Saturday that he made the goal late on. So that makes them a little bit more of a different prospect because he's a very talented player, but the art of very, I suppose it's weird, isn't it? Palace are, I suppose, what we aspire to be at the moment, just someone who can have a couple of defeats and then bounce back with a couple of wins and they're quite steady. We mentioned they're very much a mid-table team and they have that consistency. There's no real big stars in the team. They have a few homegrown players who have done the business for them in the last few years. And that's where we aspire to be, knowing that you're going to be comfortable because your tactics are always going to keep you in a game. You've got a little bit of class and they don't really make any glare and errors too often at all. The team beats them because the team's better than them. If that's the case with Everton, then fair enough, I think we know in the last couple of years or so it's been bad mistakes and poor management and things like that. So let's get ourselves to that level and you're right, Dave, I think it's a bit weird, isn't it? Because you look at the scores now and you think, ooh, I want to win in that game. It's not the same as it used to be anymore, is it? No, because I wanted to spare to win last night to keep Chelsea a point behind us. A couple of weeks ago, I was looking at Forest were playing Luton and Forest gave away a two goal lead. I was thinking, oh, God, we've done that for them. Then a week later, we were above Forest and now we've gone back below them now. But it is, it's like, I suppose that's up to us to just do our job, isn't it, and make sure that if we're consistent, if we can try and stretch a point again to maybe 1.5 a game, then we'll be in a much better place. If Everton were to win on Saturday, there'd be a point between us and Palace. They're minus three, we're minus four. They've scored with the two at the weekend, they've scored 10 goals, we've scored the lead. So everything is very tight between us. Obviously, they've got the gap four point gap at the moment with that win. But on Saturday, I think I'm right in saying, I think Burnley had 17 attempts at goal and Forest, Palace had four and Palace won 2-0. No, Palace definitely rode the luck and got a late win a second goal. Burnley, kill surprise, give the first goal away by messing around there at the back. So Crystal Palace, like you said, I've got loads of respect for them, because they are a team, not just they, the fans are great to tell us, and they are a team that always makes it difficult for everyone and they never really in any trouble. But I look at this game and think this is a game. Everton can go and win. We went there last season when they were flying and we were terrible and we went into 0-0 and we had the better chances on Saturday. But you know what, that said though, and I agree with the other thing, we're in a better situation now for sure, but that said, I wouldn't be too disappointed with a well fought draw though. On Saturday with a view, I want to do United at home after the international break for sure. And then there's Forest away after that, which again, we're almost probably happy with the draw there and all, but listen, we're all in agreement, there's nothing to fear on Saturday, for me. Yeah, absolutely. And Everton, have you ever felt like being arguably better away from home anyway in his whole team so far? Haven't you done that before? Yeah, because obviously we've got the way we play with the core, playing off the front man, he joins back into midfield as well and gives you that extra play in there. And you know, we look at the back at the moment, we look quite strong. Set pieces occasionally on Saturday, we can get the wrong side or tend to leave players or mark, and that'll be something we'll have to be very careful of on Saturday. And again, it's just about keeping your head on it, isn't it? It'll be a weird game because I do think they like playing on the counter as well, I think we like playing on the counter, so I don't think it might perverse, they end up being like 50-50 possession because neither of us won it. Do you know what I mean? I don't think one side is going to dominate the ball, but in the end it'll probably be 50-50. Dave, just quickly, Michel Enco, being singled out for some plays. He's been playing well at the moment and got himself a goal at the weekend. Yeah, he's been playing a lot better for me. And also the thing about the goal that I was most surprised about because as much as his games have been improving, he's always been so one-footed for me, but he's called with his right foot. Which was incredible. That was the most pleasing thing of the whole situation. I'm going to big deflection, but it was his right foot and on the left. No, he's been playing a lot better. Listen, you know my stance on things when he came in and I think I was just more upset about the fact that we'd lost Luca Dean who I've always rated as being a class act and I was really reeling from that situation and it really pissed me off with the whole Benitez thing and falls out with Benitez and then bloody Luca Dean gets sold and Benitez is out the door and you just think what a waste with the sake of a week or it wasn't even that long was it? So I guess that always rankles with you. It always meant that for me I perhaps never really gave Michelenko a fair crack of the whip because I'd never felt that he was up to the man that we had in that position previously. Arguably, I probably still don't think that but anyway, that's the side. I do think he's been playing better and good to see him get the goal helps with the confidence and he looks a more he just looks a more settled part of the side doesn't he I think now and just he feels I think he just feels more comfortable in there and that helps and I think the whole side feels more comfortable. He's a good defence of left but he's not Lucadine. Lucadine he's like a winger isn't he? He plays so high. Left foot tremendous isn't he? But Michelenko made on the old mentality celebration when he scored so fair play to him. We didn't, we recorded last week before the bernie game so just very briefly Dave dispatched it then professionally and probably one of the most comfortable games I've sat through with Godderson for a number of years to be honest with you and we've now got Fulham at home in the quarterfinal which represents it'll be a tough game but great opportunity to get into the Carabao Cups semi-final. Good draw that for me as well you know all things considered. Yeah it was incidentally by the way just a little aside one of the TV highlights of the week for me last week was so I was watching the draw happening on Sky they got Andy Cole there and Andy pulls out the ball and he kind of goes to Chappers is this a six or a nine? Chappers is like well it better not be a nine because there's really eight clubs in the draw If there's a nine in there Andy we've got problems which did amuse me but yeah you know all things considered to get a home draw first and foremost against Fulham when you think about what the other options were was all good. The fact that Port Vale and Burra drew each other as well also good because it keeps one of them in there for the next round so yeah I'm quite happy with that and I think as you say I think it was professional performance against Burnley Evan looked comfortable and yeah they just approached it really well I thought Dominic looked super sharp and yeah it was just good to see you know I know that Burnley are one of the poor asides in the league this season for sure but they dispatched them with ease and yeah it was it was just a for me kind of a bit of a level of where we are and how we have improved over the last four to six weeks I think you know because I think that previously that's the sort of game that we could have made really really hard work of and when we've made hard work of far less exercise than Burnley in cup competitions of late so you know that certainly could have been a bit of banana skin but it wasn't and we're through and yeah bring it on I mean good draw considering what was in there as well but you can ask at this date I guess it's a home draw isn't it when you look at the teams I know you've got like ones that you'd love to get like both fails and stuff but that's a great draw I mean the opportunity to play a team who are only just above us in the Premier League as it stands you know at a hectic time as well so who knows where both teams will be at the time you take a home draw and he's taken he's taken it seriously which is what he showed last week he knows it's an opportunity to back home wins up get confidence, get the fans behind the team get a little bit of excitement that's a little bit of a distraction away from the norm of what can be a battle and relentless period so yeah I'm quite happy with that I'm not taking them lightly by any means but you look at some of those teams and you just think listen we could have got a little bit of Liverpool away or Newcastle away which would have been horrible obviously so now good draw and hopefully we can get past Fulham and then get poor Fail or Middlesbrough in the semi and that would be nice let the others battle it out for what they are doing but that is the dream isn't it and you hope that you get that opportunity to be good ask for some random questions just very briefly last week was very much focused on how you two were ducking out of trick or treating absolutely so at the time we recorded it late didn't we it was dark and you were contemplating Dave whether to go and do your big shot or go and do a shot to get out or to turn all lights off and just lay low what did you do and did you get away with it I didn't so the story is I didn't go to Aldi I thought you didn't get away with it go on I didn't go to Aldi I was going to go and to be honest with you I couldn't be asked that they come across I'll be honest they felt like it settled down for the night I'll be honest so the thing is right because Aldi is a little bit further so I did need bread and milk as I said two key ingredients I can get them for the little Tesco the little Tesco Express which is a lot closer I do that I can't be asked to do the full on Aldi thing so that's what I did so I got the basics and then I came back and then I cooked myself some tea in terms of stuff that was left around I think I did some pasta or some noodles or something like that but then I was worried because it was still in the what I describe as the trick or treating danger zone in other words you don't want lights on there I was concerned because I could still see you know merry makers for whatever better term you know up and down there was a merry making activity in the street you could see that so I kid you not I actually snuck up to the lounge the lounge is on the first floor the townhouse so I snuck up to the lounge and I turned the lights off and I actually I actually brought my tea up to where I am now my office is on the top floor so I turned the lights off in the lounge which is the most obvious sign of activity in the house I also turned the downstairs hall light behind the door also indicating the presence of someone there then I came upstairs and I ate my tea here by my computer because I was effectively hiding from anybody from the front of the house knowing that I was there and I did that until I thought that after 8.15 20 past 8 it's kids bedtime there you go back down and turn the lights on until 8.30 by which point I think I was in the clear and indeed I was it sounds like you were kept captive in your own house that's what it felt like the thing is though Dave just when you were so mad at when you said how far you've been driving to Aldi for some reason in my head popped the image of Pogsman Pats van driving round that little hill and that's how I was feeling a day shift of Aldi we didn't go to Aldi when to Tesco but even if we had gone to Aldi maybe it would have it can be a pretty part of the world it's not that pretty it's not as romantic as the little van going out with the little bridges around the corners and pass the sheep and saying hello to people it's not quite like that I think you've just lost out Dave on the opportunities to be the international tourism spokesman for your area it's nice but it's not that nice at least keeping people away what I meant by that is the fact that the Aldi is on a retail park next to the Halfers on the outskirts of Hinewickam there are prettier places but it's about a 10-12 minute drive for those that are wondering how far it was and the fact that I couldn't be asked where's the Tesco Don't say too much people will be working backwards from trig points there will be a big circle around watch 12 the comfort will be out and people will be like townhouse let's go they'll be looking for a bar that's called Gillians it's not called Gillians but Ashley no no no I'm not going to say what it's called let's just call it codename Gillians but it's not called Gillians that's good, there you go you've got viti spotters you've got to be careful the 3am girls will be there the 3am girls will be the spotters in a bush on this show no bush can do one so there you go you got away with it it was very active people were very active and everything went it was like a sale at next on box and day everything went there was so much and we had the dog sitting last week so I took the dog for a walk when I got in my Mrs was still and to be fair our house was done up as the say you can knock my Mrs had done pumpkins your welcoming frontage but I think that always Dave I've always got a welcoming frontage and therefore that should be the code if you display like a little pump gun that should be the code for people knocking and it is around us you're giving off those vibes isn't it pine apparently pineapple yeah basically it's appealing to a specific demographic in society and it's saying that you are welcoming these parts whatever you want to do whether it's trick or treating or whether it is coming and sitting in the jacuzzi exactly that will be the way to do it but this is what happens in the community of mid Liverpool this is what happens Dave this is just part of the course very much the kids are all walking right you wouldn't even know the parents way and I mean that literally there was a lot of parents dressed up last week as well by yours is a safe zone it's a safe zone you need the pathway to get in very much so did you escape briefly no one knocked I got home, took the dog for a walk went for a run you are definitely the fella to home alone around yours and I can't eat the sugar I will shovel anyone in the face if it needs doing people are scared no there was no one which was good okay but alright stop it right I asked for some random questions cos these are often the best bit okay yeah we've done the highly structured part now the highly structured part gone now that was the highly structured part Dave that was the highly structured part nothing left behind no okay fair play Rob I asked I mean no I'm gonna read it I'm gonna read it okay would you rather have to finger bang a goose every time you wanted to take a drink any liquid or nosh off a horse every time you wanted something to eat there you go there you go can I just pause for a second it's interesting because you know obviously you looked at the question first and then you assessed it you assessed it's kind of qualifications in terms of being something who gives me the go ahead could and should broadcast to an audience and pet said just read it why wouldn't you cos you're supposed to be the sensible one we could take it out the edit I just don't think we answered it no exactly I wouldn't take it out the edit necessarily but I'm gonna pass on this one so Rob you need to tone it down slightly and then we can answer it it's still got past bars as bar it's still in the mode of swinging what would be just on that Dave when you work to the BBC and obviously when we were a very popular breakfast morning radio show what would be some of the messages that you got in that you weren't ever allowed to read was there anything you got back on the level or handed off to somebody else just to make sure I mean handed off is an unfortunate phrase but I know what you mean I mean I think it was essentially down to our own level of judgement in terms of what is self policing and also don't forget what is acceptable today might be different to what was acceptable 10 years ago these kind of boundaries do change interestingly though they used to be and it possibly still exists the BBC would have a rating of offensive words a bit like a top 50 or a top 100 right and so obviously with the most offensive being at the top and with the more minor things underneath there and literally almost everything that you could think of was categorised in there so you kind of go oh look 37 is so and so you know and oh straight in it number six you've got so and so and obviously you know the ones that you would imagine were indeed one and two and then all the other sort of graduated there after which was good as a reference point what number do you think finger banging would be 16 okay 16 did you have a department that you had to hand them off because I had imagined the BBC again hand them off again the shoulder it was a bit it would not have to be would you have to give them to a certain department because I could imagine the BBC would have a lot of departments where even if you got messages you'd have to hand them off to them just to make sure that they were aware that you'd had the message in case in later days an enquiry happened that you were given you know what I mean that feels very BBC doesn't it yeah yeah no by the way sorry for the noise in the back it's binda that's okay the main one general reference there you go right okay let's move on then right again I'm going off the paraphrase this one this isn't it's bad what you mean like your paraphrase which you reiterated and then chose hand off three times Stuart Thompson Stuart Thompson says the worst thing you've ever said on a meeting I've just called my boss a C star star T didn't know the mic was on coat coat yeah didn't know the mic was on what a big coat yeah have you ever done anything like this Dave big hairy fairy coat have I ever called anybody something that I shouldn't have called something in a meeting no like I imagine going back to when you were on a very popular BBC radio show and it might mind this might be wrong but in my mind you got together for a pre-show round the table this is what we've seen and you were all going we put this on it it was the never any moment where you just said something and you thought it was acceptable and other people just looked at you to go oh with there are we and they didn't quite follow that they weren't at your level it's a lot of me but Ned in all fairness there's two answers to your question and neither are exactly what you're after but one is the fact that I would quite regularly say things which I shouldn't have said in so much as I would give away crucial information I once announced to everybody that one of our producers was leaving when she hadn't actually told her bosses that she was leaving that was unfortunate because I'd actually suggested that we should roll in so and so's birthday drinks with Sam's leaving deal but Sam hadn't actually put in her application to move departments to that point so that wasn't good I also gave away a secret location of Mount Snowden even though the whole thing had been kept under wraps for many many weeks but in terms of things that were really not a good idea from a language point of view we want and I don't know why we did this we once recorded a link where we were saying disgusting things about our boss at the time right just really really filthy things almost just like kids showing off with the idea being that we were then going to reverse this link and then put it out so that it was played backwards and that was the idea and it was just a bit of silly fun although the short sightedness of us was the fact that anybody getting it could then just reverse it again and then obviously have it in complete quality and knew exactly what we were saying so in hindsight we should never have said that and some of the things that we did call our boss were highly offensive if not indeed legal I mean that sounds good or bad whichever way you want to put it is there any moment at any time in your your life when this has happened to you well I'm sure both of you can appreciate I'm not a meetings kind of guy no I think John Blaine is in the room and I think John Blaine would testify that you are very much the opposite great directors don't turn up for meetings don't they just kind of exist they just exist I think you'll appreciate I'm not really a meetings kind of guy I think John's looking great as he has to go peds what I just it's not my thing but I'll just quite agree if it's one of the bad things one has said in a different life I did work on the railway and my office is slightly different because it was a ticket office of course so two of the things that spring to mind are both of them are highly offensive and I do realise that now maybe not say what you said then if the highly offensive well I will say one of them is dating age but I did once do an announcement I may have done it more than once but I did it in someone else's office sorry about the noise I can't go on I did ask if there was a Mike Hunt on one I was like 19 but I did that in someone else's office and he got into the tub and then I got into the tub and then once we were going down to Chester Races on the train but of course we'd all been drinking in town and I got this is what I'm awake on no sorry I wasn't awake but I knew that obviously the guys we were on the train you weren't driving the train no luckily I wasn't so we were going down and we'd had a few drinks and it was not long after Snatch had come out and oh the actual it's not like a mid-carriage scenario no no no is a film reference film reference so by the way that nearly happened to me the other week but it was to do with you know when you press the door and they haven't locked it properly you get that door go over and then suddenly you can have a scenario I'm not going to say it again but very much what you suggested before but in an entirely accidental way Snatch was on show I was standing at the back with the guard we knew the guard because it was the train to Chester lots of Irish people on it so for some reason I decided to start pretending to do Brad Pitt's accent from from Snatch and doing like basically announcements of the announcements what to Chester and then you always have to do with another announcement that you went to Chester you could get a train to Hollyhead so I do realise it was highly offensive but it was a different age I mean by the way it was a film called Snatch so you know we're talking about a different age but I do recognise that that is highly offensive in this day and age again might make the other but there you go I have no issue with that I think that's alright I wasn't like I didn't say anything offensive by the way I just said the announcement in that stupid voice no me the guard probably got the sack and I but who knows it was all good fun everyone was going on the race if they were all bladded apart from the people going through I mean you've got quite an accepting audience there I think certainly in the locality it's not really a broadcastable story I also when I was a guard myself would occasionally tell people if they asked why the train had stopped it's because they'd found a head on the track just basically making stuff up because like if you stuck between stations and they're like having a rant at you know I'd just go just find a body mate and that would be that's in the conversation that was like a safe zone for you it was a brilliant way to end conversation sometimes I just knew that in general people could look over you at the time and go you on trains you don't like conversations there like when a ticket you just look at the floor when I was a guard I was the worst did people come up and go I think my puberty ran some way past my early 20s I'd be just like you go how'd you get it and I go I mean I'd probably have gone up about 4 o'clock in the morning I was like 2 hours sleep this is why I like staying in bed because of the times I had to work on the trains and then on the Royal Mail I've given up far too much sleep now I'm taking it back you could have gone to bed a bit earlier I was living life fair play fair play I was in a meeting with a local authority and said what idea to put these notes together because it was the chair of the meeting that I put them together yours in a different thing when you're around when you're around one of those big tables with 20 people and the person chairing it it was much more powerful than I was when they were my notes from and you kind of what you do apart from you want to just melt and get out of there I wasn't there but I've got a good story which sort of links into that I think this would be a good scene in a film and this is a true story the time was on a hen do a few years ago along with my sister and there was 12 or 15 of them and so the bride to be most of the women there were all friends and school moms locally around here they all knew each other but she had one or two friends from a pre you know who was friends from school or something like that so they were sort of new to this group so there was a whatsapp group been set up and they were all conversing on this and this is how they're planning their weekend away so they're sitting there on their weekend away and they've hired this house and they're all round a big table and they're there with the bubbles out and stuff like that and they're waiting for their food and then at one point the phone's all beep and the message is from one of the ones who was new to the group kind of going I'm hating this I'm actually going to come back tomorrow they're all bitches I don't really like it here right but she put it onto the whatsapp group rather than through her friend so can you imagine suddenly you're on a table of how many 15 or 20 people and suddenly everybody's phone goes and they all pick it up and they all seem the same message from this woman basically saying how much she dislikes all these people that she wants to go home which is just beautiful that's beautiful tremendous now we'll listen to put it out there Steve Kelly says exactly alright lads hope you're all well I'm a celeb time 19th apparently if you could choose for players past or present to put in the jungle who would you put in? Thomas Graverson straight off the bat didn't even think straight off the bat Thomas Graverson Graversons number one you'd have to have Duncan in it but I'm trying to think of someone Duncan did not like at Everton I'm trying to think of like can we not sort of parachute in Stefan Freund yeah he's a special guest and Colleen is coming in as a special guest as well but they decided to try I was at that list again by the way where you got sent off it was a big kind of battle yeah I was there as well that's true Bowel Morth no I'm trying to think of two Everton players that massively didn't get on or they were made Kevin Sheedy and Duncan love Sheedy he can't put them to me he can't say it Martin Keown Sheedy did get on with Keown I don't want to say it I don't want to say it Keown a be good I want a pair who don't get on that we know don't get on I don't watch this programme you watching it's about beef isn't it well yeah there is that but you also want entertaining characters for that reason also put Reedy in there read he's a good story teller but he'd fall asleep if he didn't have ale and now but if he could make it through to when the after night at the pub he'd get so fat I don't think Reedy could cope with it I just don't think he could I don't think he could I think he'd figure out how old he is he's a good nigga I know he's a good nigga and he likes the ale I know I get bored I'm voting Reedy so go on and then you need to what about Neff he could not cope he'd get bored after an hour and he'd go your old pricks he'd change the dunny though wouldn't he he would change the dunny he would should be changed it I'm not saying any more I'm trying to think one more who's not obvious do you know I know one for you I know one for you or two for you that just for you because you'd like to see them being punished either John Spencer or Mark Hughes Mark Hughes get that get him in cry out moaning about everything he'd be moaning about everything the little cry out unless it was volume I don't think you realise how similar you are to Mark Hughes no I could hold the ball up like Mark Hughes I'm sensing some negative vibes that are coming from you Barry with Mark Hughes he's just a cry out cry out moaning moaning many no that's what we're going for we lock them in I was just happy with Graveson so Graveson, Ferguson Reid and Mark Hughes some big characters there that is I don't regard Mark Hughes as being an evident player that's why people that would just word go on throw one on in there throw one in there maybe you may what about some like Matarati you'd just be doing this or Dave Watson Barry Horn they're all a bit bland Fabian Delf he'd just get off he'd go on the arm injured wouldn't he take the money you can't talk about Fabian Delf anyway no don't know Dave come on I've given you me hands haven't I who was the foot one of those you just named players he could have said like Stefan Vessels or Carlo Nashor hot to get big hot Dave's just worried that he haven't emptied his bin properly you know that see the distraction on you could tell he was a little bit worried he was like this is for you of Carlo it's too set and because I know your answer is going to be it's two seconds after Halloween is over too early for Christmas to start being advertised when Christmas stuff is sold in the shop no no no right so Halloween I like Halloween as a thing because it gets in the way of Christmas that's in two early August then you've got Bobby Knight it's boss when it's horrible weather for Bobby Knight because he cancelled them all so the sway of that get rid of that and then the day after yeah listen if you want to put your Christmas stuff up in the shops I get that I understand that our economy works so yeah that's fair enough we need to get our Christmas jumpers off yes they've got the Christmas jumpers we're not using last year's Christmas jumpers no we're using last year's Christmas jumpers and but we're getting new Christmas jumpers which you will be getting Dave in the post obviously and the ever popular Nightmare on Gladys Street Christmas Nightmare on Gladys Street that's on the reds describe will be back out available I think you should all get it but no no this on Christmas on December the 1st but I get the advertising and I also get the Terrible Channel 5 Christmas 24 films that are on as well I was out and about in a shopping precinct on Saturday and there was a busker playing Christmas songs no unacceptable and I was like no come on unacceptable it's like only just November give it a couple of weeks she said like he was in a shop and they were like playing last Christmas and the girls face away it was just like I get the decorations making people feel like they need to buy them but not the songs and stuff that's out of line I think mid-November no no no December at the earliest November is not Christmas that's fine you go too soon I go too soon that's your over Christmas no no just because we live in a gated community don't you have something in between Halloween and Christmas within a gated community isn't there a special Thanksgiving yeah they have Thanksgiving that's very much like that the pre-tree I have pre-tree although I'll tell you what I did I was running past the house on Sunday and I noticed some my sister's house is just Halloween tree they're all crackers listen it's fair play whatever the kids love it but these had a European cup in the window this house I've run past to the night that's a massive city fan have you got any superstitions says Steve Thomas Dave no no fair play Ben says if all the toffee TV crew and Dave went on I'm a celebrity get me out of here who would do the best at different trials and who would ultimately be crowned king or queen of the jungle wouldn't be me wouldn't be me I couldn't cope with people I couldn't cope with people no problem I couldn't do like Dave claustrophobic the spiders would be crap mate physical challenges yeah we'd have a go at them I don't know what the money's like spiders though but you get extra money for staying longer no I don't think you do I don't think you do I think you get a set fee I think it depends on how big a star you are isn't it Dave I think if you stay till near the end no no no I promise you you can walk out after a day and still get half a million I think this must be clauses for not walking out for like but it's not your fault it's not your fault stay till at least a boat off so in other words if you got voted out first yeah that's not your fault then you end up with the same fee which as Pez says is based upon your level of celebrity so I get 25 quid but spiders and all that I just I don't think I could do it I just couldn't do people maybe if I'm in a thing and they're around even though I'd be scared I could probably do but snakes and that none of them are real or are they it's all animal products could you eat anything could you do the drink like cockroach could you date no no no so to answer Ben we'd all be gone early does but the worst thing you can do like if I got put in it the worst thing I could do in an interview was go when they go what are you scared of I went aww spider because straight away I'd just go I don't show you weakness otherwise you know you're going to be eating kangaroo dick for like the kangaroo dick the balls that kind of stuff because that's not like a live but when they have to pick the thing up that's not ethical cockroaches no net just very briefly coming on this could because you are very afraid with insects and snakes and all that nonsense would you be okay with it I wash after trials and I'm like are you the one to lie in there with corn snakes so would you be okay with all of that stuff do you think I handle bugs on a daily basis just pause we're talking about like 50 snakes in a coffin and you've just qualified that with I hand bugs on a daily basis they wouldn't put you in a coffin with like no but you're still in with 50 snakes or actors there's 50 snakes but they don't want to kill you that's not quite what the show is Ned that's a different show by the way this is just fair enough Ned fair enough I just wanted to know whether you'd be alright with it you'd win the show all right we've all said we wouldn't show Ned but then Ned would be crown king of the jungly thing Brian very quickly would you rather have the ability to teleport or to turn invisible whenever you want I think teleport me because then just going on with the speeder without all of the and I think you'd like that you like being in places you don't necessarily like the I've told you this before though I'd love to be invisible because I'd like to go to places that I'm not allowed to go like that's not weird like real I'm allowed to go to real I thought it was a three year ban places I'd love to the same place I'd love to go that you're not obviously you can't go to not to do anything horrible just because you're not allowed to go to these certain places like just have a little walk around you know the same places isn't it but I'd just teleport you couldn't know you'd get caught I'm not really that bothered about this going into places I don't we have different reasons so where you going if you teleport all over the place we do on your own because you'd have to be on your own no you can't no you can't hang on Brian hasn't give us any stipulation he hasn't put any rules he said you can I go on Dave and this might be a super question is teleportation does that always involve moving time as opposed to location in other words the teleportation isn't just a quick way of getting from here to whatever you want Dave it's kind of like going to Lanzarote in 1987 no it's just to get to where you are now it's like speedy boarding you haven't got to go through all of it you just go banging your day Dave I'm going to go to Florida on your own that's okay no money okay I've got money no you've got to be a native Brian hasn't put me it's unethical for you to tell me what I can do Brian doesn't know the science of teleportation I don't mind Brian cares he's just got a very quick question done Dave invisibility or teleportation teleportation final answer where would you go Tenerife that was his first place Tenerife I got quite fancy some sunshine absolutely Martin Williams says we all know he was Bazped and Dave but if you had the chance to change your name what name would you choose Ped absolutely Max Power Max Power Max Power is the name Max Power is the name I mean the football of Max Power Homer Simpson was Max Power before Max Power was Max Power yeah he was he was he wouldn't surprise me if Max Power's dad named Max Power after Homer Simpson where he was Max Power I think we have to find out change to show people can come and yes final thing I get this this must have been when I got off last night yeah what five things should Jack try on the live Indian Food Trophy TV experiment I think a foul has to be in this so my foul would kill Jack I think Jack is one of our underlings and he admitted on a live show after you went yesterday that he's never had Indian food right so we've got to choose five things and he believes it might be too late for him to try Indian food 22 that's nonsense he's 22 my Mrs hadn't had Indian food till she was about 24 and she loves it now so what what are five things without trying to kill them because obviously a pal is very hot what five things Dave should he try I think he should try Bomb Bay potato because that is gorgeous took one Dave you throw one in he should try without trying to kill the kid obviously so I mean we're talking about different tastes that are not necessarily dangerous to him yeah yeah just something that would be flabish you know he's just a starter with some poppidums and mango chutney I think would be a nice introduction to the meal there you go pet, it's on you I've gone Bomb Bay potato dish it was a starter I like a tandoori mixed grill tandoori mixed grill quite dry though yeah but I still think we should just like something like a vindaloo just to show on the camera I think you'd scare them off no but that could be like the last thing he had before he had the naan bread to calm his tongue down I'm going to put a vindaloo in it to give him a bit of spice chicken but like a chicken bolty or like a tandoori chicken biryani maybe chicken bolty I think that's normally one of my favourites bolty is a good one I like the little dish that comes in fair play just a reference Mack power the person is six years older than Mack's power Homer Simpson episode Mack's power was before no he's in Saudi Arabia he's took the money I never knew that so what Mack's dollar now Mack's Macaulay power so he's older than Homer Simpson's Mack's power yeah he's 30 so it was 93 he was born in 99 the episode so there you go as you believe that the Simpsons ripped Mack's power's name off I'm sure they did I'm sure they went to Baconhead and they were like right there you go there you go there you go absolutely moment dad did like Mackaulay Culkin that's why his name is in there that's it what a way to finish a random section absolutely brilliant Dave thank you very much mate go and check your bin has been fully emptied get yourself some just get yourself better a bit of garlic a bit of barochet and you'll be sure to take it easy for all of you other people give us a 5 star rating like, subscribe, do all that stuff we do hand it off to you and the words of Pedro and we will see and hear you'll see and hear us rather next week we will have more random sections which are of course the best see you later bye