 But we're starting off with a really extraordinary human being who I think is going to set us up beautifully to talk about the multi-layered aspects of leadership. And we've got Sabana Bazagi is a Zen Buddhist Roshi, an insight meditation teacher, a resident teacher of the Sydney Zen Center, an experienced psychotherapist, clinical supervisor and trainer, and she leads professional workshops in cultivating the boundless heart of love, compassion, joy and equanimity. As a director and trainer for the Insight Meditation Institute, she co-leads a two-year professional mindfulness and compassion teacher training course. She takes joy in mentoring, supporting and training other Buddhist leaders along the spiritual path. Welcome her this evening. Thank you Kylie and the team for Mad Monday. It's an honor and a privilege to be invited to speak about leadership this evening. Tonight, I would like to share more of a personal reflection about leadership. I was invited to be an insight meditation teacher and a Zen teacher in 1990. It was primarily an apprenticeship model of training where I was mentored and supervised by my senior Buddhist teachers. I was given transmission that is full authority as an independent teacher in 1996. Initially when I was invited to teach, I was thrust into this role very unexpectedly. It was a baptism by fire. I was definitely not prepared for that role. It was not something that I desired or tried to achieve. I wasn't driven by ambition or obtaining some position of power. There were many challenges to overcome. Because I was the first female Zen Buddhist teacher in the Diamond Sangha in our lineage worldwide, there were no female role models that I could look up to. Women historically were either glorified, deified in iconography and statues of goddesses, but culturally, women were dismissed, devalued and certainly not given positions of power in patriarchal, hierarchical, religious institutions and organizations. Over the last 40 years, I am happy to report that there's been a shift in this dynamic. It's more like 50-50 male, female gender balance now in teachers in contemporary Western meditation centers. While it was an honor to be invited to be a teacher at the age of 32, it was nevertheless daunting. I thought my teachers had made a terrible mistake. Why me? In addition to the lack of female teachers as role models, when I compared myself to my three senior male teachers, they were all very articulate, gifted, knowledgeable, wise masters, scholars, successful published writers and poets. I always ended up feeling never good enough. Despite the fact that my teachers were very supportive and encouraging, particularly of women to step into leadership roles and break down those sexist barriers, still I felt inadequate that I didn't measure up. And stepping into a teaching and leadership role for me also became an inner journey, one of facing my anxieties, releasing those crippling messages of self-doubt that had plagued me. Gradually I learnt to trust and believe in myself that I have something to offer in my own unique way. It was about finding my authentic voice and my style. There were poignant and treasured moments that were helpful along the journey. Robert Aitken Roshi, my senior Zen teacher, wrote a simple but potent inscription in his seminal book, The Gateless Barrier. It said, to Sabana, I have faith in you. Roshi was a man of few words, but those few words I savoured and they carried me across the threshold of uncertainty and self-doubt. I did have one grandmotherly figure, a beautiful older woman. Her name was Anne Aitken, who was Aitken Roshi's wife. She was a wise elder in her own right and much loved in the community, although she wasn't formally an authorized teacher. There was a particular incident where we sat huddled at the end of the table at a restaurant in Honolulu. The men down at the other end of the table were debating philosophically with each other. I had shared with Anne in private that I did not feel part of the boys' club and very anxious about being a teacher. I was at the International Zen Teacher's Meeting and the only woman present at that time. Anne had been a successful actress in her day. She shared how she had suffered from performance anxiety. Before a show and before stepping on stage, she would say to herself, I can do it. I can do it. That was her mantra. And at that moment she turned towards me, reached out, held my hand and looked me straight in the eye and said, you can do it. You can do it. And in that moment I felt this incredible support and transference of confidence and it still touches me today. Every time I became anxious, I called upon that memory and there was Anne holding my hand, walking me up to that platform. When I first started teaching, it was really the students that made me a teacher. I learned so much from them and I agree with Kali's comments. It was simply about also getting out of my own way. It's an incredible privilege to be a spiritual teacher. Students open up their hearts to me. They share their vulnerable feelings. There is so much trust given to me in that space. That is very precious and also deeply humbling. Over the last 20 years I have trained and mentored 10 Zen teachers and six insight meditation teachers in Australia and New Zealand. I set up a collegiate model for teachers at the Sydney Zen Center. This collaborative model is very different from the traditional hierarchical single Abbot head teacher model who is invested with a lot of power and authority. A collegiate model of leadership is based on equal respect, is consultative and supportive. There are many benefits of working as a team. If people are part of that decision making process, then they are more involved, feel connected, take more ownership and responsibility for that decision and that situation. It's more like a teaching faculty of sharing power and a shared purpose. I really enjoy mentoring and supporting other teachers. It gives me great pleasure to see them grow and actualize their fullest potential in their own unique way. Some of the leadership qualities that I think are important is to speak with authenticity, to trust oneself, to stand with integrity, to really show up and be present, to lead with heart, offer compassion and encouragement, hold up the mirror and challenge fearlessly at times when necessary, be grounded, have a strong back and open chest. I feel one has to walk the talk really, live and embody these qualities in order to inspire others to creatively, innovative, genuine change and help others to really shine and find that shared purpose and connect with each other deeply. So thank you for listening.