 My name is Jimmy. His name is Jake. And this is the Weekly Dumb Jake. Heard you got bit by a bunch of bugs. James, I had something that I've thought for my whole life that I've been more conducive to bug bites. Not the right sentence. Bugs love eating me. Probably prior to my grossness type thing. Went on a hike. I got bit by a zillion bugs. Jess didn't get bit by bug. And then she checked in a couple hours later and said she found one. My back is covered in bug bites. You ate the most apples ever seen. Jake, you do get bit by bugs more than the average human. Some people have it. Scientists have probably studied it. I'll go to JSTOR and see if I can buy a thesis on it. It's my name. Yeah. And it's like the biggest historical database. What? Yeah. You buy research papers at JSTOR. One point. Me. I did eat a lot of apples. Apples make you constipated. So we'll see what happens there. I ate four apples in a two hour window. Two points. Oh my god. Yeah. You had three apples in about 35 minutes. Feeding from the south is cool sometimes. You're in the northeast and you say, I had three apples in 35 minutes. And everyone's like, well, you suck. In the south, you say, I had three apples 35 minutes in there. You're like, what was going on? You think it's cultural. What do I have to do for a place? Let's go! That was actually for me. I just gave myself a point there. Beano, no or teaser? Big live stream tournament come up in two weeks. That's all we'll say. Beano. Zach, have fun, you little freak. Jim, you want to talk about sports? Not really. The sports suck if you're from New York right now. They're awful. Jets bad, giants bad, Yankees bad, Mets bad, Nick's probably bad, don't know what's going on. Nets probably bad, don't know what's going on. Islanders, Rangers, suck. What's hockey? That's my favorite sport to play. The Yankees are so bad, Jim. They're starting to eject. They're shrapnel of how bad the Yankee season is getting. The ground screw came on the field. The ground screw was like, we want to get a better view. We want to see what's going on. And the ump was like, get out of here. See, no one knows if it's a cough, a fart, or a sneeze. When you go like this, no one knows what's happening. That was what I was worried about. I had like, I just had to clear my throat a little. No one knows. There's a lot of shrapnel back to the ground screw. You're going all mint on me. That's the color I have. Nicotine free, tobacco free. It's the color I have. Couches. Canadips. I'll give you a canadips point for that one. Good story. I'm going to give you a special one for that. I don't like red, so. Hey, almost a breakdown, Jake. Nope. That does not. The radio guy for the Vikings called the field goal before watching the field goal. Yeah. He, uh, I don't know if we can play the audio. I think we can play. It's pretty tight. Yeah. Play the audio right here. Blah blah blah. Blah. Should we make noises over? Oh my God. Wow. No we didn't. That's so good. Are you kidding me? Hi NFL. We'll be friendly with you. The best part about this video is that his color commentary dude or his sidekick is like so disappointed with him. Yeah. Because he just called it good before watching it. He wanted to get the, he was more excited to do the game winning field goal call than watching the play. You just have to look at the refs. Jim, it's pressure. You just have to look there and they call, it was like wide. They called it right away and his partner goes, no he missed it. Why do golfers miss putts? Why do wide receivers drop passes, dude? I was a little on the couch last night. Wide receivers, they have massive hands. They wear those gloves that like stuff sticks to them and they drop balls and it's their profession. Pressure. This guy was like, oh, this game winning kick is going to be on, do you have pouches in your jacket? It's starting to look like you have pouches in your jacket. This guy's like, my call is going to be on all the highlights. It's going to go viral. Vikings are about to win a huge game in their season and then it goes wide but he's ready to call it. He calls it. It's the one, when there's one rule, there's no rules. You just can't do that. Just wait out two seconds. Yeah. And yeah, the best part is that his partner in the booth was like, he missed it by foot. You've embarrassed the whole crew. Oops. Let's go to more sports. Jim, this is a big one. I know we talk about this every year on the weekly DOM, quarterly, bi-quarterly, weekly, bi-weekly. There's good info that you said. James, a team of pastors upset Kansas Highway Patrol troopers to win the goat milking competition at the Kansas State Fair. Okay, so there's a lot of stuff I love about this story. One, obviously it's the cops versus the priests in the goat milking competition. Gang fights in Kansas. Honestly, this would be a hilarious scene in there like Sons of Anarchy, Kansas. Next, you know I'm cynical. And I come to a lot of these news stories sniffing for the bull spit. And they said that the pastors won and they never even done it. They're like they never, like they hadn't, they're not even, they don't even practice goat and milks. Take one away. That's bad of me. That'll really piss people off for him a little bit. And the state troopers have won like 10 years in a row or something stupid like that. And the pastors have never done it. And then they milked the goats faster or better or however they're judging it. I don't know if they're judging it. Maybe like the goats get to decide what felt the best. I don't know much. I know it's not that. It's not that. Anyway, as soon as they showed the pastor and there was an interview with him and he's just sitting there and he says this. I grew up on a small goat farm actually between Paul Wich and Ann Dale. Because I was searching for a fake pastor. I was searching for this dude doesn't. What? I was searching for this guy isn't actually like he is a professional, a professional goat milker. But he dressed up as a pastor to like play to the. Bringing in a ringer. That's been your first fair theory. That dude is honest. He's a pastor. He grew up on a goat farm milk and goats. Hadn't done it since he was 12, but didn't lose the skill. It's exactly what he just said in that interview. And I mean, I never believed the dude more. Jim. And he will get pulled over by the state. I could have say, oh, he screwed. I could have saved you all those theories because in the picture that starts the video, you don't even need to play the videos act. Look at his face. That says genuine as it gets. And more importantly, at every goat milk and competition, grown up version of myself is there. You wish, dude. That's like grown up version of your wife. Second wife. It's not nice. And not nice. Hey, get candidates. They're giving you 50% off their California roll. Sample roll of the five core flavors. Promo code dumb. 50% off. Whoops. Jim, can we talk about the not sports? The not sports is really cool. Do you want to tell us about it? Or do you want to throw it back to me and then I'll throw it back to you. Back to you. All right. We got a really cool not sports story. Jay's going to tell you a little bit about it. And catches huge alligator and finds it had eaten 6,000 year old artifact. Did you see the picture of the alligator? It's huge. It's one of those. 13 full gator. Yeah. But it's also like one of those dinosaur gators. Big time. And they cut it open and they found an arrowhead and then a plummet, which is like what they used to, it's like they used to sink fishing lines. It's like the fishing weights used by Native Americans during the archaic period. I already gave the point. You'd be ready for the next one. I don't know if this is like cool. It's a good one. It's cool, but I don't know if it's cool. I don't know if we can start just killing gators searching for old shit, which is what the article says. Like the guy who's at the Gator chop shop was like, yeah, we've been cutting open gators and finding cool stuff. I'll say this. Went to New Paul to New York this weekend. Add had a blast. It's a nice time. Airbnb. Add, oh my God. Say that this lady's place. A little slice of heaven. A little slice of heaven. That many? Too many ads, man. That's on you. That one's on me. All you have to it is pretty. That's good. I love people's little slices of heaven. And there is a history buff who loves killing gators that just like the waterfall is broken. There's one guy that's going to get two out of hand and he's going to start killing like baby gators and just rip it open. They're like, dude, that baby's a gator. You know that's a baby gator. Coolest scene in Jaws is when they catch a tiger shark and it's just got license plates and stuff. And you're like, oh my God. Can't be killing baby gators. You know what? Two, three, four. Employee of the week. It's the employee of the week. It's the employee of the week. It's the employee of the week. Welcome to our show. We're a races. He fell out of a helicopter. Did you see that? I did. He fell a thousand feet. That's been a story. He fell a thousand feet out of a helicopter. You look. Should I make this my LinkedIn pic? You look less than. Sam was down here. Sam wins employee of the week. She's great. But now I'm starting to think we give it to the Gallagher's. No, Sam wins because, dude, we've been doing so many. Middle names, Gallagher. We've been doing so many meetings and interviews recently and Sam's keeping our schedule organized. We have a game, dude. Come on, hit me. That was to Zach right there easily. This is how the cross started. Great job, Sam. Whoa. Okay. Lefty. Back in my day, we didn't even use gloves. I grew up with a milk carton. That's actually how Mary Ann or Barry did. It shows over. That was a weekly dump. Support for this episode was brought to you by CanaDips. It's CBD pouches, nicotine-free, tobacco-free, and they are giving you 50% off the California roll. That's the sample roll of their five core flavors for $25. That means you get five cans for only $5 apiece. Go grab yourself some of America's finest smokeless product on the market, always tobacco and nicotine-free. Head to canadipcbd.com and add the California roll with promo code DUM to get 50% off. Promo code DUM. How many bars you've been kicked out of? Two across the street from each other in Milford, Connecticut. I don't think I ever got tossed from Elmo's. Did we really beloved there? Yeah. No, we never got thrown out of Elmo's. Black Bear. Definitely Black Bear once or twice. Oh, that bar in New Jersey. The OD? The OD, yeah. They kicked you out? Well, yeah. Everyone got into a fight. Oh, yeah. Sack, maybe this is for the Ed. Maybe it's somewhere in here. Guy hits our buddy across the face, and he's not your meat, Ed. But he just thought it was like cool party and stuff. And he was like, yeah, all right, man. And then the guy punched him. He went from slap to punch. He thought the slap was like, we're joking. We're not actually in a fight, but if we were in a fight, I'd slap you. Because he's just such a silly dude. And then the guy was like, no, we are in a fight. So then he upped the slap with a punch, and then our friend was like, oh, we're fighting. We're fighting. We're just messing around here. I thought we were having a good time just slapping each other on the dance floor to be young. Good time.