 The narcissist wants you to abuse them. They will do everything they can to provoke you until you finally react to them and get aggressive, until you attack them, which can become very dangerous for you. If you don't realize what they're trying to do, the narcissist will train you to abuse them. This is also known as reactive abuse. The narcissist will abuse you until you can't take it anymore, until you finally react to them. They will not respond to you when you are calm or patient. They don't want peace. They want conflict. So they will do anything they can to entice you into that. The more you try to compose yourself, the worse they will get. It will only make them even more angry. So they train you to act in ways that are out of character for you. You lose control of yourself until you shout at them or it may even get physical. You start acting like the narcissist. While they start acting like you, they actually like doing this. They want you to react in this way. They want you to become abusive and this is why they approach arguments in such a different way. Normal people will want to resolve an argument, whether they agree with the other person or not. They will want the other person to understand them, but they will always try to understand their perspective. They will want to find a way to coexist in harmony with each other. If you don't know what the narcissist is trying to do, you might expect them to have the same motive, but they never do. They like to provoke you. They like to push you to the point where you end up reacting to them because it gives them narcissistic supply. It makes them feel powerful and in control. They spend every waking moment calculating ways to get reactions out of you to then give them that hit of narcissistic supply. They need supply like we need air. Their false image depends on narcissistic supply, so they have to do everything they can to prop up their false image. Their image is dependent on what other people reflect back to them. If you are involved with a narcissist, it's probably because you're very relaxed and easy going. You're very forgiven and compassionate, so you're safe for the narcissist to deal with. They specifically target people who are like this because it enables them to be the authority in that situation. It allows them to dominate you and be in control. They don't want to put themselves in a situation where someone else could dominate them, so they target people who are caring and compassionate, people who prefer peace, people who don't shout, people who are happy. Nothing makes the narcissist feel more powerful than taking someone who is like that and causing them to act in ways that is out of character for them. It makes them feel like they must be powerful. If they can make this calm, peaceful person who never shouts, raise their voice or even become abusive. If they can make you lose control of yourself in their minds, that means they're powerful. They don't see arguments as an opportunity to have a common understanding or to find a way to coexist in harmony. They see it as an opportunity to get narcissistic supply. The narcissist hates it when you handle things right. They hate it when you're patient. They hate it when you're strong enough to resist the urge to fight because that just reflects back to them that they are out of control. They start to see that they are being abusive but instead of trying to change anything within themselves, they choose to put it on to you. They project everything they don't like about themselves on to you and one of the main traits of a narcissist is that they are abusive. They are abusers so they project their abuse on to you until you become out of control, until you start acting like them, until you start shouting or throwing something at them and in their distorted minds they then start to see themselves as the victim. They don't see the abusive behavior in themselves because they're putting it on to you. When narcissists project their traits on to you, they start to believe their own lies. The lie that they are the victim and you are the abuser. The narcissist wants you to abuse them because they're calculating how other people see you. The narcissist will abuse you just before you're going to be around other people. They will abuse you behind closed doors who they are when other people are around is very different to what you see. They will put you in a state of disturbance and confusion so that you then react in ways that make everyone think that you are the problem and that the narcissist is just the victim of your abusive personality. The entire thing is a setup. It's a scheme intended to deceive people. They are setting it up for a smear campaign so that they can assassinate your character and ruin your reputation. It's scary how much effort they put into it. But this is what they're doing. It is designed to manipulate people. This is why they push and provoke you until you finally react to them. If you are an empath you may look at yourself and question if you are the narcissist or if you are an abuser but your behaviour is understandable. When you've taken so much abuse it's natural that you are going to react in that way. There is only so much that you can take but the moment that you react that is when you are falling into their trap because they want you to react to them. It gives them narcissistic supply. It makes them feel like they are the victim even after they have abused you and then they can use your reactions to their abuse to make people think that you are the abuser. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries, you can email me at coachingatnarksurvivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.