 Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay and Luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous caressable hair bring you our miss Brooke starring Eve Arden It's time once again for another comedy episode of our miss Brooks under the direction of Al Lewis Well, everyone knows that our public school system is of necessity a carefully budgeted operation An armist Brooks who teaches English at Madison High School has some very definite ideas on the subject of economy Personally, I've always been a firm believer in economical living as a school teacher I've found that by budgeting my income thinking ahead and doing without certain things right now I can count on other things later on little luxuries like food and shelter But in the hands of Madison's beloved principal Osgood Conklin even economy can be carried too far I was discussing the subject with my landlady last Thursday at breakfast So mr. Conklin has launched another economy drive drive isn't the word mrs. Davis. It's more of a crusade You might not believe this, but he's rationed each teacher to one piece of chalk a day That's ridiculous Connie, what do you do when the chalk wears out? I wet my finger I was teaching Shakespearean drama let yesterday afternoon and by 2 o'clock. I was up to my cuticle in 12th night That's terrible. Oh, that's nothing today. I have to stop in mr. Conklin's office for my weekly pencil You don't get that unless you bring in a small bag of shavings What the world is mr. Conklin do with pencil shavings, I think he smokes them in his pipe At least I hope he does I've been mixing in chopped rubber bands with my Well if you asked me Connie I'd say that Osgood Conklin was penny-wise and pound-foolish if you asked me I'd say he was all foolish in the yard wide This judgment so poor Remember the idea I had a few months ago to get a tape recorder in school So the students could play back the recordings of their own voices. Yes indeed I thought that was a wonderful idea when I told mr. Conklin about it. He suggested I take an aspirin Now I read where it's being done in high schools and colleges all over the country I know it Walter Denton showed me a spread just the other morning where some college professor came out and said Taping was a great aid in learning English. Walter was all excited about it. It wasn't the learning part that excited Walter He's just gadget happy You're right there Connie when it comes to anything mechanical bad boy is a genius He must be he's kept that car of his running for five years with the wheels held on by Blue Jay corn plasters That reminds me dear Walter phoned while you were in the shower and asked me to tell you that he won't be able to drive You to school this morning. Oh fine, but you can borrow my car Connie if you don't mind picking it up Oh, where is it? Mrs. Davis in the garage next door to school? Somehow I get the feeling that this isn't going to be one of my better days I'm on time now. I can take my Well, this is a switch Pupil beats teacher to classroom. What are you doing here? So early Walter? I thought your car broke down No, ma'am. I just had something else to attend to now then if you'll just read this, please What is it? I'll tell you in a minute. Meanwhile, just read it aloud. All right in My opinion which is shared. I am sure by students and faculty alike He is a generous and progressive minded leader who will spare no expense to improve the teaching methods in our high schools There it's finished. What's finished? What's this box on my desk? Well, it's a Webster Echo tape recorder, Miss Brooks, and I have just captured for posterity your true opinion of our principle My true opinion As I was saying when I so rudely interrupted myself My true opinion of our principle would melt the tape, Walter, but where did you get this machine anyway? I got it from Larkin's electrical shop. Mr. Larkin said we could use it for an indefinite trial period with absolutely no obligation No obligation? Well, just a small obligation. What is it? We have to buy it He's gonna call Mr. Conkin on the phone about it later today I don't like to start teaching before class officially begins, Walter But you have just used two words which cannot possibly fit into one sentence. What words? The words buy and conchlin He'll never authorize an expenditure like this Why I've got to go into an emergency conference with him this morning to see if I can get another pencil You know if he's in his office yet. Sure. He got here early today Fine, then I'll pack up my shavings in my old kit bag and run along One moment, Miss Crooks. If you see Harriet Conkin in her dad's office, would you kindly waft her my way? Air the hum drum rigors of another school day begin. I long to gaze upon my delectable Delilah I'll send her down, Walter, but be sure to keep your cap on. Remember what happened to Samson I'm furious Harriet. Absolutely furious. Why are you furious today, Daddy? Because of the way this I'm not sure. I like your tone girl You inferring that your father is in a constant state of bill temper. Oh, no, Daddy I think you have a very healthy temper That is I know how hard it is for you to control your nerves sometimes. I have perfect control of my nerves So wonder I have any nerves left Look at this lamp yesterday I ordered a repairman from Larkin's Electrical Shop to come out and fix the wiring Look what he did. He simply taped it up and left. It looks all right to me, Daddy. It really doesn't look all right to me, Daddy On top of that the blundering dot left a note saying I owe him three dollars and eighty-five cents Now that takes plenty of guv plenty of gall Why should you be so upset doesn't the Board of Education pay all our schools expenses? Yes Yes, Harriet it does and that's one of the reasons for my crackdown campaign on waste Mr. Stone the head of our board dropped in on me the other day and Informed me that any principal who couldn't run his school with an absolute minimum of expenditure would be removed from office But I am not a rich man Harriet and you and your mother have to have food and you have to have clothes constantly I can't afford to jeopardize my position here. That's why I've got this ball of tape on my desk I'm going to fix some other loose wires. I saw in the hall myself Yeah, well come in Hello, Mr. Conklin Harriet. Hi, Miss Brooks Samson's waiting for you in my tent Delilah a classroom Thanks, Miss Brooks. I'll run along now daddy. See you at lunchtime. I'll be counting the minutes Now then Miss Brooks you may step forward to my desk and briefly state your business. Aye aye sir Miss Constance Brooks reporting for her pencil sir request denied You have our permission to withdraw but your majesty This is pencil Thursday It is but during the past week two board erases have been lost from your room However, we'll discuss that as soon as I take care of that wiring in the hall Oh answer that please yes, sir Hello principal's office. Miss Brooks speaking. You ain't the principal. Are you? Now I ain't I'm an English teacher One thousand the hall at the moment. Who is this? Oh, this is Larkin of Larkin's electrical shop I let Walter Denton take an echo tape recorder over to your school this morning on a trial basis All I want to know is doesn't mr. Conklin wanted or don't he frankly I doesn't think he do Ask him if you want me to yeah, do that. Well, you tell him. It's only 385 dollars what it's a steal at 385 tell him that well I'll step out to the hall mr. Larkin, but I'm sure all I'll get is the exercise Excuse me a minute sure just ask him. What about the tape job? He probably knows all about it already Maybe my partners offer coffee now, but he might have already told mr. Conklin before I got here about it already I perfectly understand Uh phone the hold please I mean home the phone Hang on a minute Mr. Conklin mr. Larkin of Larkin's electrical shop is on the phone Larkin what does that pirate want it's about the tape I know all about it And you may tell mr. Larkin for me that I recognize my obligations and will pay albeit reluctantly what he asks You will pay but mr. Conklin do you realize it will cost I know I know I know 385 Tell Larkin to send the bill to mr. Stone's office at the board of education, but sir go Are you still there mr. Larkin sure what a mr. Conklin say well I think he's delirious, but he said you're to mail the bill to mr. Stone at the board of education Oh, well, but I won't have to mail a bill miss Brooks the board is right not a block from my place I'll bring the bill over to this year mr. Stone when I go out to lunch Well, that's about all we got a disgust I guess thanks for everything you've done mr. Brooks. Oh, I only done what I had to done That is I only done what I should have did Give me a ring sometime and we'll go to night school together We'll continue in just a moment, but first here is Vern Smith No other denter for his offers proof of such results proof that Colgate dental cream helped stop tooth decay before it starts Two years research at leading universities using Colgate dental cream hundreds of case histories Makes this the most conclusive proof in all dentiferous history on tooth decay Conclusive proof that when teeth are brushed with Colgate's right after eating Colgate dental cream helped stop tooth decay before it starts Yes, the toothpaste you use to clean your breath while you clean your teeth now offers a safe proved way to reduce tooth decay Modern science shows decay is caused by mouth acids, which are at their worst right after eating Brushing teeth with Colgate's is directed helps remove acids before they harm enamel Colgate dental cream has been proved to contain all the necessary Ingredients including an exclusive patented ingredients for effective daily dental care get Colgate dental cream today Big economy size only 59 cents always use Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and Help stop tooth decay before it starts remember. No other dentiferous offers proof of such results Well, I could hardly believe that mr. Conklin actually had okayed the requisition for a $385 tape recorder when lunch period arrived my bewilderment and I joined my favorite biology teacher Philip Boynton In the cafeteria. It is amazing this Brooks and view of mr. Conklin's recent attitude toward expenses Maybe he's becoming a little more sensible about economizing not mr. Conklin He couldn't have changed that fast. Why he's the only person. I know whoever sent in nine cents to the March of Dimes Certainly contradictory especially in view of his action toward me this morning What did he do to you? He stormed into my lab announced. He was cutting me off without a penny for frog food Oh, you like frog food. Oh Forgive me mr. Boynton. I shouldn't tease you about your animals. I know how attached you become to some of them How's McDougal these days? Max fine. Thanks, but I'm a little concerned about a new frog. I caught in the meadow last week It's a wonderful specimen. I've named him shamrock. He weighs almost two pounds. It's a good size shamrock He's healthy looking enough, but I think he's mentally upset. He's so lethargic Yes, I'm almost certain that this frog is the victim of some deep-seated frustration See, I've practically psychoanalyzed him must have used a very small couch Maybe he resents being cooped up in the laboratory. Well, that's the conclusion I reached He's probably longing for his native surroundings of pond flowers and trees But before I decide definitely about taking him back to the meadow I'd like very much for you to meet him as Brooks. All right, mr. Boynton But only on one condition. What's that that you tell him in advance. It's strictly platonic I'm agreeing with that recorder. Walter. Yes, ma'am. There's one switcher has me a little confused I can't tell whether it's on or off Let's see here. I got it figured out now. I think did you have lunch with mr. Boynton? Yes, I did then I stopped in at the lab to meet one of his friends a new frog named shamrock I know shamrock kind of a mope. How'd you like him? He's all right? I guess if you like slimy bulge-eyed pop-bellied monsters Oh, I can tolerate his green little jowls at the distance. It's only when he jumps into my lap that I want to scream Miss Brooksman may I come in? Oh, certainly, mr. Boynton. It just seems like minutes since last we met. That's all it's been Hi, mr. Boynton, what do you got in that jar shamrock? Oh, what have you decided about him, mr. Boynton? Well, I've come to the conclusion. He doesn't belong in a school I think I'll take him out in the woods somewhere and toss him into a pond Toss him into a pond mr. Boynton feels that shamrock isn't happy here He just can't seem to adjust to city life. Oh, why not? I think it's the fault of television He's probably jealous of hop along Cassidy's success Oh It's just that he's lonesome Walter say I've got an idea Maybe we can get him to croak into this microphone and when we play it back He'll think it's another frog and fall in love with it now That's a fine thing to do to a frog. What good to tape recording on a cold night in the swamp No, no, Walter may have something there miss Brooks it might cheer him up considerably The only trouble is shamrock would recognize the call is that of a bullfrog. Why don't you play him the cry of the wild goose? Maybe that'll send him No, no what he needs is the croaking of a female Miss Brooks, I was just wondering Right now. I don't want to give myself the best of it, but I don't think I'm his type. I I Merely wanted you to hold the jar for a moment miss Brooks You see by turning down the base on this recorder and bringing up the treble control. We might fool him you could fool me Hey, I see what you mean mr. Boyden. It'll play back higher here. I'll turn it on. Oh, it is on Just hold him up to the microphone. Come on boy. Let's have a nice clear call Come on shamrock. Let's have it right into the mic What do you suppose is wrong miss Brooks? Maybe he doesn't like the script What do you think Walter? I wish he'd croak Now I'm afraid he isn't gonna do it. Walter better turn it off. Okay. There it's off All nice timing But I have to speak with miss Brooks for a moment. Oh, certainly mr. Conklin. What's wrong, mr. Conklin Am I overdrawn on my paper clips? Word has reached me that you were seen filling your personal fountain pen with school ink Is this true guilty as charged, but I can't understand this excessive economizing on little Oh, you can't you can't well, you'd better try harder miss Brooks when I finish tightening up around here Mr. Stone will have no unnecessary expenditures charged to my account. I Hello, what's that on your desk miss Brooks? It's a tape recorder. Mr. Conklin tape recorder. Yes Why don't you step up and try it mr. Conklin? Yes, why don't you your voice should record beautifully? Well, it has been said that I possess a certain resonance at all How does the thing work here? I'll show you Mr. Conklin will now say a few words about the head of our school board mr. Stone That's all there is to it. Then when you push this button here it plays back. Listen, mr. Stone Simple isn't it go ahead mr. Conklin say something. Oh, but I don't have anything prepared I'll just say a few nice words about mr. Stone. Yes something that'll soften the jolt when the bill arrives Well, I'll improvise something. I Have known mr. Stone for many years in my opinion. He's softened the jolt when the bill arrives What do you mean by that miss Brooks? Please be calm mr. Conklin? It was your idea to send the bill to mr. Stone. What bill the three hundred and eighty five dollar bill for this tape recorder Three hundred and eighty five dollars. I never authorized anything of the sort But surely you remember mr. Larkin calling about it this morning. Oh, Larkin is at the bottom of this that's scoundrel What's wrong with mr. Larkin? He's a crook you ought to be on the rock pile if I ever get the opportunity I'll have that conniving wretch run out of town on a rail But mr. Conklin you told me yourself to have mr. Larkin send the bill to mr. Stone I was referring to a bill for some tape he put on my office lamp a bill for three dollars and eighty five cents tennis anyone When mr. Stone gets that bill he'll come charging over here like a wounded buffalo I can almost hear him growl Holding my name. Oh good Conklin It's almost as if he were in my presence What's the meaning of this bill? I can picture the scene as vividly as if he was oh hello mr. Stone Don't hello me ours good. What's this three hundred and eighty five dollar bill for well, so it's like this I am that is we um may I present miss Brooks. She can explain everything. Well miss Brooks likewise. I'm sure The tape recorder was delivered here because well May I present Walter Denton? He knows more about the matter than anybody. Let's have a dentin Yes, sir. Well, when I saw this machine in Larkins. Well, I was just sort of standing there and Have you met mr. Boynton? What's this all about Boynton? Well, this is uh, this is uh, this is miss Brooks I know you have a right to be I'm not angry miss Brooks. Hey, I'm jealous jealous Yes, I wanted to be the first one to introduce tape recorders into our local school system They're a boon to modern education I'd give a lot to know the identity of the progressive minded individual who first wanted one for Madison Mr. Stone it is with great reluctance born of innate modesty that I reveal my role in the matter of this tape recorder Your role when when I first got the idea when you first got the idea Why I told you about using tape recorders in schools three months ago. No, no miss Brooks Let's not wash our soiled linen in public. Why not? It can use it Mr. Stone although miss Brooks is one of our best and oldest teachers in point-of-service. He means Hasn't been able to adjust herself to the rather stern But just discipline with which I operate this institution personally. I'm afraid she rather resents me How can you say that mr. Conklin quiet you? Let the boy talk gosh only this morning miss Brooks recorded a beautiful speech about mr. Conklin Why don't you play it back for mr. Conklin water? I'm not interested I am any matter that involves the relationship between one of our Principles and a member of the faculty is the board's concern Play the record boy. Yes, sir Miss Brooks, what do you think of Madison's principal? He's all right. I guess if you like slimy bulge-eyed The right I've heard quite enough. Thank you. Well, I haven't it's very enlightening to know how the faculty feels about you I was good. No way. It's all a mistake. So we're all very fond of mr. Conklin water play the right spot on that tape Okay, I think this might be it What have you decided about him mr. Boynham? I've come to the conclusion. He doesn't belong in a school I think I'll take him out in the woods somewhere and toss him into a That's a mistake too. It was shut it off. Don't touch that machine boy. I want to hear more of this Mr. Stone, I deeply regret this unseeming exhibition that this unholy triumvirate should Choose to expose their flagrant disrespect for me and your presence is a cruel blow indeed They know how I admire and respect you sir. How I cherish your friendship I want to hear everything that's on those records. Yes, sir Mr. Conklin will now say a few words about the head of our school board mr. Stone. He's a crook Run out of town on a rail Are my ears playing tricks on me? Did I just hear what I thought I heard? Play it again walter. We can all dance to it this time Please mr. Stone your ears were playing tricks on you. This is all a horrible nightmare of misunderstanding. Not another word you you Slimy bulgy eyed monster You forgot potbellied I'm going back to the board and file my report. You've not heard the end of this incident. Mr. Osgood ex-principal conklin Well, miss bro Suicide anyone? It's returns in just a moment, but first dream of beautiful luster cream Tonight yes tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo Luster cream world's finest shampoo No other shampoo in the world gives you k-doom. It's magic blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin Better than a soap better than a liquid luster cream is a dainty cream shampoo Leaves hair three ways lovelier Fragrantly clean free of loose dandruff listening with sheen Soft manageable even in hardest water luster cream lathers instantly No special rinsed needed after a luster cream shampoo So gentle luster cream is wonderful even for children's hair Tonight yes tonight try luster cream shampoo dream girl dream girl Beautiful luster cream girl You owe your crowning glory to A luster cream shampoo And now once again here is our miss brooks Well, we all made a hurried trip to the board of education and finally convinced mr. Stone that he had merely been the victim of a comedy of errors and not any malicious mischief Accordingly when we returned to school mr. Conklin was so relieved that although he held me responsible for the incident He only loaded me down with enough extra book work to keep me from walking home from school with mr. Boynton for the next three weeks When I returned to my classroom walter dentin greeted me at the door Well, miss brooks. I got the machine all fixed now You can make the right speech about mr. Conklin and getting good with him again. Are you ready? I'm ready good. I'll start the interview Miss brooks. What do you think of madison's principle as good conklin? He's all right. I guess if you like slimy bulgy eyed potbellied monster Next week Joe brought to you by luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous And polegate devil cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help talk to decay Our miss brooks starring eve arton is produced by larry burns written by al lewis lester white and joe quillen With the music of wilbur hatch under the direction of morris carlton Doctors prove palm olive soap can bring you a lovelier complexion in 14 days Yes, 36 leading skin specialists proved in tests on 1285 different women That palm olive soap facials using nothing but palm olive brought new complexion beauty to two women out of three Just wash your face three times daily with palm olive soap each time for 60 seconds massaging palm olive's beauty lather onto your skin Then rinse so start your palm olive facials today Remember doctors prove palm olive soap can bring you lovelier complexion in 14 days Our american economic system accounts for the highest standard of living in the world It has brought more people more jobs better pay shorter hours and more purchasing power But you can help make it still better by learning more about our american system Right today for the free booklet the miracle of america Which explains simply how by working together a still better living can be had by all the address box 10 time square station new york city For mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs listen to mr. And mrs. North tuesday evening over most of these same stations And be with us again next week at this same time for another comedy episode of our miss brooks bobleman speaking This is cbs the Columbia podcast