 The Jack Benny Program presented by Lucky Strike. Scientific tests prove Lucky Strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarette. Yes, scientific tests prove Lucky Strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarette. Confirming these scientific tests, an independent consultant laboratory with more than 15 years experience in cigarette research reports. Lucky Strike, mildest of six major brands tested. And no wonder Lucky Strike cigarettes have improved milder. For years Lucky Strike has conducted a unique and vast program in research in quality controls and manufacturing methods. And today, tomorrow, always. LS, MFT, LS, MFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, fine light naturally mild tobacco that gives you smoothness and mildness and never a rough puff. So light up, Lucky. Prove to yourself what scientific tests prove. Lucky Strike is milder than any other principle brand of cigarettes. Let your own taste and throat be the judge. For the rich taste of fine tobacco for smoothness and mildness, remember, there's never a rough puff in a Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Phil Harris, Rochester, Tennessee, and yours truly, Donald. Ladies and gentlemen, on the corner of CBS Square, there's a small drug store which is frequently visited by radio personalities. At the moment, Mervyn, the soda jerker, is talking to Flossy, the new waitress. Take it easy, Flossy. Don't be so nervous. I can't help it, Mervyn. After all, this is my first day as a waitress. It's nothing to worry about. What did you used to do? I was in the movies. You? You was in the movies? Yeah. I was head popcorn popper at the Pantages. Well, why did you quit? My boyfriend got tired of kissing my salty fingers. See, I hope I make good at this job. Oh, don't worry. You'll do all right. Uh-oh, get ready for business. Here comes Jack Benny and some of his cash. Oh, gee, celebrities. Who are they? Dennis Day, Don Wilson, Phil Harris, and Jack Benny. Hey, see, they're starting across the street. Oh, yeah. Which one is Jack Benny? The one that looks like he won't make it. Hey, you better set a table for him. OK, Mervyn. Give me four glasses of water. You'll only need three. One of them never touches a stuff. Now, come on. You better get busy, Flossy. Now, come on, fellas. There are plenty of tables. Let's sit over by the window. OK, by me. I am, Mervyn. Good health to all from Rex Hall. Phil, why do you always make him do that? Well, it only cost me a buck a month. And if my sponsor comes in, he'll be impressed. Why? Because this is a thrifty drug store. Well, let's sit down, fellas. Your audit, please. Well, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ah. Get some new talent here. Your audit, please, gentlemen. I'll take a ham sandwich on Ryan, a cup of coffee. Yes, sir. I'll have the same. Yes, sir. And I'll have a glass of milk and some apple pie on a mode. Yes, sir. What flavor ice cream do you want on your pie? Oh, no, ice cream. Just put on a scoop of mashed potatoes. Dennis. Dennis, why in the world do you order pie with a scoop of mashed potatoes? Because I'm a slow eater. What's that got to do with it? Ice cream melts. I asked him, he answered me. Now I'm too sick to eat. What do you have, sir? Well, I'll have a shrimp cocktail, some clam, chowder, a porterhouse steak, hearts of lettuce with Thousand Island dressing, some green peas, french fried potatoes, a piece of chocolate layer cake, and a cup of coffee. Can you remember that? I hope I can carry it. That'll be all, Miss. Thank you. I'll be right back with your orders, gentlemen. Hey, fellas, hey, she's a kind of cute-looking girl, isn't she? Yeah, uh, right, personality. Beautiful red hair, sunny smile, trim ankles, cute little figure, and they'll, Phil, remember, you're married. I know, but I can still take inventory, can I? Yes, yes. Hey, Dennis, what are you looking at? There's lipstick on my glass. Lipstick? Well, I'll call the waitress and tell her. Oh, no, no, no, this is exciting. Dennis, what's exciting about lipstick on a glass? It's spring, Dad, spring. Oh, be quiet. Say, Jack, there's a new record here in the jukebox called Deary. It's sung by Dennis. By me? Oh, boy, I'm going over and play it. All right, go, go. Nobody touched my glass. We won't. We won't touch it. Play the record, will you? Pulse to the Sousa band, my wasn't the music grand. Chatter parties down by the seashore. Every 4th of July, test your memory, my deary. Do you recall when you couldn't even fix a running boat under a chandler's seat? Deary, life was cheery. In the good old days gone by. Deary, do you remember when most gents owned a sparrows? Wing collars and derby hats. Lovely ladies swingin' their bustles. May those gentlemen si-test your memory, my deary. Do you remember watching John L. win every fight? Because nobody ducked from Sullivan's right, dearie. Life was cheery. In the good old Jackie. Do you remember watching in Illinois? Gosh, weren't you just a boy that was long before love and bloom? And maybe Brahms lullaby, test your memory, my Jackie. Can you remember with very scant when you played a lady in Charlie's aunt? Jackie, life was cheery. In the good older than I. I'm 39. Will you gentlemen have anything else? No, not me. I've had enough. I'll bring you a check in a minute. Hey, say, Phil, how about coming over to my house for a little gin rummy? Well, I like to, Jackson, but I got to go home and wash Alice's hair. Phil, you wash Alice's hair? I used to be on for fetch. I got to use that stuff up some way. Well, slip yours off. I'll wash that too. Never mind. Say, Don, how about you coming over to my house? Well, I wish I could, Jack, but I've got to go back to the studio and make some spot announcements. Oh, say, Dennis, would you like to come over to the house, play a little gin rummy with me? No. Why not? You cheat. I cheat? I've been watching you. When you play, you deal off the top of the deck. What? The man I played with on the train all was dealt off the bottom. Heaven's sake, kid, when will you learn? Check it, Jack, gentlemen. Oh, I'll take it. Good, good. Well, fellas, I'm going home. Mr. Benny, do you want me to drive you? No, thanks, kid. It's such a nice evening I think I'll walk. So on, boys. So on, Jack. See the weather's bomby. Spring is the nicest time of the year. Trees are green, flowers are blue. Makes a fella feel good. Toot, toot, toot, sing goodbye. Nuh. Toot, toot, sing. Where does Jolson get off saying he doesn't go nyeh? Da, da, da, dum, bum, bum, bum. Excuse me, mister. Huh? Will you spare a dime for a cup of coffee? A dime? Well, let's see. I haven't got a dime. The smallest I have is a half a dollar. I haven't eaten since yesterday. Well, look, look, buddy, here. Here, take the half a dollar. Gee, mister, thanks. Thanks a lot. You're welcome. You're welcome. Gee, that was nice of me. He only asked me for a dime, and I gave him a half a dollar. I wonder if it's deductible. What's the difference? Toot, toot, toot, sing goodbye. Half, half dollar, goodbye. Da, dee, da, dum, bum, dee, dum. Da, da, da, dum, dum, dee, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, dee, bum. Hello, Mr. Benny. Well, Mr. Kitzel. Who was your friend, too, who I just saw you talking to? My friend? Oh, oh, that was some poor man who wanted a dime for a cup of coffee, but I gave him a half a dollar. Bless you, huh? Thank you. By the way, Mr. Kitzel, where are you going? I'm on my way to the baseball game. Oh, yes, yes, there is a game tonight. The Angels and San Diego. I didn't know you were such a fan. Oh, my. But I'll tell you one thing, Mr. Benny. The baseball players are not like they used to be. You're right. Some of those old timers were really great. Oh, my. When I think of such a players like Christy Matheson, Ty Kaap, Rabbi Marenville. No, no, no, Mr. Kitzel. You mean Rabbit, Rabbit Marenville. I have a team I never heard of. Oh. Well, I don't want to be late, Mr. Benny. See you again. Oh, by the way, Mr. Kitzel, while I was in the drugstore, I meant to buy a package of Lucky Strikes and I forgot to. Do you happen to have a... Of course, of course, of course. I smoke Lucky Strikes. Oh. Yeah, I have one of mine. Well, thanks, thanks. Believe me, Mr. Benny, I've been smoking Lucky Strikes for an eye onto 25 years. Your hair? Yeah. I'll never forget the first time I ever smoked a Lucky. The mildness, the smoothness. Ho, ho, ho. You really like them, eh, Mr. Kitzel? Like them. Not only are they round and flim and fully packed, but there's never a refraft in a Lucky. No, no, no. You mean rough puffs and refraft, rough, poor, flight-warning, enjoying. Thank you. Well, goodbye, Mr. Kitzel. See you in a minute. See, goodbye. Yeah, Mr. Kitzel is a nice guy. But then I'm a nice guy, too. Yes, he'll only ask me for a dime and I gave him 50 cents. Yeah, I wish Luella had been there to see it. Maybe I'll call her when I get home. Well, here's my house. Wasn't such a long walk after all. See now, which one is my door key? Here's the key to my car, the key to the garage, the key to my hope chest. If Mary doesn't ask me soon, I'm going to start wearing those things. Oh, here's the key to the door. Rochester, I didn't know you were home. I'm in the kitchen. Rochester, isn't this your day off? Yeah, but I thought I'd stay home and get caught up with these dishes. Well, look, you've let a whole week's dishes accumulate. Why do you let them pile up like that? It is my fault it's that new soap you bought. We just can't get together. What do you mean you and the soap can't get together? When tide's in, I'm out. Oh, say Rochester, on the way home... Excuse me, boss, I want to put these clean dishes away. Rochester, you know, on my way home, some poor fella asked me for a dime. Uh-huh. But I gave him 50 cents. Rochester, why'd you drop those dishes? All I said was I gave a man 50 cents. Rochester, you didn't have to push that second stack off the drain board. I didn't touch them. They jumped off by themselves. What a mess. Boss, look at me. Huh? Did you really give a man 50 cents? I certainly did, Rochester. You know, if I had known the wonderful feeling, the warm glow I'd get from being generous, I would have started earlier in life. Boss, would you like to talk about my salary? Manana. The word I picked up in Palm Springs. Rochester, I've had a long day, so I think I'll go to bed. Okay, good night, boss. Good night. T-t-t-see, goodbye. T-t-t-t-see, don't cry. Da-dee-da-dum-boom-boom. Da-da-da-dum-boom. Yeah, I bet I'll really sleep tonight. Ah, this bed feels good. Feel good to get my shoes off, too. That's a funny-looking sock. Oh, for heaven's sake, I told Rochester a million times, don't put my gloves in that drawer. No wonder my toes were cold. They were separated. They're my pajamas. Oh, here they are. I don't ever remember being as tired. Oh, my goodness, I almost forgot. Dear diary. April 9th, 1950 cents. I mean, 19. Today, I did a wonderful thing. A needy person asked me for a dime for a cup of coffee, and I gave him 50 cents. Rochester, what happened in the kitchen? I don't know. I'm in bed. Well, I better get to bed, too. I got to get up early tomorrow morning and play golf with Mary. Oh, dear, I forgot to call the well until they're about giving that man 50 cents. Yeah, but then maybe that's too hammy. Uh, it was nice of me, though. I didn't even know them, fella. They gave him 50 cents. 50 cents. He didn't have a gun or anything. I just gave him 50 cents. This is your CBS Worldwide correspondent bringing you the event you've all been waiting for. Today, dignitaries from the four corners of the earth have gathered at this banquet to pay homage to the most generous man in the world, Jack Benny. That's me. He's talking about me. They're giving me a banquet. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this great event is coming to you from the banquet room of the Taj Mahal. The dais is replete with dignitaries. A hush falls over the audiences. The master of ceremonies rises to his feet. He is none other than the honorable Winston Churchill. Winston Churchill at a banquet for me. Ladies and gentlemen, it is with a deep feeling of pride that I have come here to preside on this wonderful occasion. Little did our guest of honor know that his exhibition of generosity generosity would shake the very foundation of the world. I know that most of you were as shocked as I was. When the news reached me, I was sitting on the front steps of number 10 Downing Street. As you all know, I'm not quite inside yet. And now, as your master of ceremonies, it is my pleasure to bring you the next speaker, a great cinema star from Hollywood, Mr. James Cagney. James Cagney. How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? It's a pleasure to be here. There are so many things going to be said tonight about Mr. Benny tossing four-pitch to a panhandler that I, well, that is, well, I'm not the kind of a guy who makes faraway speeches. But I'd like to say one thing. Good health to all from the Ties Mahal. And now for our next speaker, another celebrity who not only regards Mr. Benny as his best friend, but has for many years had the good fortune of being Jackson's next-door neighbor. He called me Jackson. Winnie called me Jackson. And here he is, our next speaker, Mr. Ronald Coleman. Ah, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. If I were king, I couldn't possibly wish for a better neighbor. If I were king. Yes, if I were king, I would bestow upon our guest of honor the title of knighthood. If I were king. If I were king, I'd see that every man in my kingdom had five acres of land, ten room house, and a glass with lipstick on it. And now, before I conclude, I would like to assure Mr. Churchill that the 50 cents that Mr. Benny gave away came out of his own pocket and will not be deducted from the Marshall plan. Of course, sir. Thank you, Ronnie. That's quite all right, Winnie. That's quite all right, Winnie. Ladies and gentlemen, while Mr. Churchill is introducing the next speaker, I want to take this opportunity of passing through this vast audience and pointing out some of the other celebrities who are here today. At the far end of this table, I see Princess Elizabeth. Seated next to her is Madame Shang Kai-shek. Looking down the table, we see Queen Juliana of the Netherlands. And seated next to the queen, we have a lovely lady dressed in ermine cape, star sapphire tiara and a diamond bracelet. I beg your pardon, Miss, but I've taken the liberty of describing your jewels, so now may I ask, who are you? I'm the girl who works in the drugstooler. Oh, well, who is this sitting beside you? John Wilson. He hasn't finished eating yet. So now, once again, we take you to the bayers and Winston Churchill. And now, ladies and gentlemen, another great man and speaker, Mr. Carrie Grant. Good evening. Carrie Grant is here, too. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm happy to be here tonight at the Taj Mahal honoring this great man. I'd like to say only this. Mr. Benny may have had the experience of being Charlie's aunt, but I was a male war guard. Thank you, Mr. Grant. And now we come to one of the highlights of the evening. A man to whom Mr. Benny gave the 50 cents. Mr. John Alice C. Soroni. That's the guy. That's the guy he gave the money to. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very happy to have this chance to talk to you because, well, I have a confession to make. When Mr. Benny gave me the 50 cents, I don't want to buy nothing to eat. I just want to take the 50 cents and buy a sweepstake ticket. Sweepstake ticket? Well, I did. And that night I went home and I was just hanging around the house. I wasn't doing anything. Just hanging around the house. I didn't feel like doing anything. So I was hanging around the house and... I started listening to the radio. All of a sudden, the radio started talking to me. And I had the radio for three years. I never said anything to the radio. The radio never said anything to me. I didn't speak to any furniture in my house at all. All of a sudden, the radio said to me, I don't speak to any furniture in my house at all. All of a sudden, the radio said, did you notice you had a window of $150,000? I said, who? You. Me? Yeah. I said, do you know what the number is? He said, your number is 2047590307-M69907. 3890448773, I said, holy smoke, that's me. $50,000. $150,000. That's what I want. $150,000 is mine. I gave you the 50 cents. I paid for that ticket. It's mine. It's mine. I paid for it. I paid for it, do you hear? It's mine. I paid for it. Boss, wake up! Boss, you've been yelling in your sleep. Oh. Oh, yes, I was dreaming. What were you dreaming, boss? About giving that man 50 cents. I haven't say, there goes a rat to the dick. $60,000. Scientific tests prove lucky strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes. Yes, scientific tests prove lucky strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes. Confirming these scientific tests, an independent consulting laboratory with more than 15 years experience in cigarette research reports lucky strike, mildest of six major brands tested. LS, MFT, LS, MFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. That's why with every lucky, you get the rich taste of fine, light, naturally mild tobacco. Yes, smoothness and mildness with never a rough puff. Just listen to the words of Mr. Raymond W. Crutchfield for 16 years an independent tobacco warehouseman from Reedsville, North Carolina. Recently, he said, in my experience as a warehouseman, year after year, I've seen the makers of lucky strike by good smoking tobacco. Fine, ripe, mild leaf that makes one great smoke. I've smoked luckies for 20 years. So smoke a lucky. Prove to yourself what scientific tests prove. Lucky strike is milder than any other principal brand of cigarettes. Let your own taste and throat be the judge for the rich taste of fine tobacco. For smoothness and mildness, remember, there's never a rough puff in a lucky strike. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Ladies and gentlemen, the impersonations of Winston Churchill, James Cagney, Cary Grant, and Mr. Silvone, the man I gave the 50 cents to, were done. All of these impersonations were done by Frankie Fontaine. Ronald Coleman was impersonated by Dennis Day. The impersonation of giving away 50 cents was done by Jack Benny. Thank you, John. Thank you. Good night. Put them out. Take every precaution you can to prevent fires. Be sure to hear Dennis Day in a day in the life of Dennis Day. Stay tuned. The Amish 90's shall be followed immediately. Frankie Fontaine appeared for the courtesy of 20 cents per clock, produces a technical production, cheaper by the dozen, starring Clifton Welles. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.