 Item number SCP-DEALS-J Object Class Affordable Special Containment Procedures Someone get MTF, dollar sign 1 Lodz of Emom, down to Von Pencier's used car emporium Because these low low prices have breached containment And are coming for you Titanium cages, blast protection, psychologists Stuffed animals on site nukes Nothing can stop the endless apocalyptic wave of great savings In the event of SCP-DEALS-J persisting for more than 24 hours Foundation personnel are advised to call now Description SCP-DEALS-J is a one of a kind sales event On new and slightly used automobiles SCP-DEALS-J currently occupies the entirety of Von Pencier's used car emporium Where that wacky wizard of wondrous value, Von Pencier, has been exposed to a cognitohazard That's making him slash prices across the board It's gotta be a memetic effect, because word is spreading fast Come down and see the best selection on 2013 and 2014 models Including family models, Spurly Coops, and Data Explosion Come on down and find out what redacted super saver deals are waiting for you GEOC Auto, GRU Division Cars, are we driving yet? The Black Queen of Value? All pale imitations of the real thing Von Pencier's used car emporium Come for the savings, stay for the service Are the contents of your wallet a K-class scenario? Is your bank account an anti-meme? Well, no need for reality resets or nestics at Von Pencier's used car emporium Where our saving consumers pennies interest plan will have you going, wow Did they hear about these incredible financing options down at Sama Therese? Documents We're too busy slashing prices to film these testimonials from customers like you So we recorded them instead My 25 kilometer space dreadnought could shatter moons with a single shot But it was hell at the gas pumps Thanks to Von Pencier, I've got a new vehicle that's stylish, not covered in alien graffiti, and super affordable When my last car careened off the road, punched a hole in three perimeter fences, breached the core of an experimental particle accelerator and drowned an entire state in anti-particles, I thought I'd never be able to find a car that was right for me But thanks to Von Pencier, I can crash confidently, knowing I'm not breaking the bank With my old truck, I was always thinking, wowee, these insurance premiums make me want to kill myself But this new truck is big enough to store so many corpses, and my premiums are halved You're cool now, Von Pencier My grandson wrecked my poor Honda But after visiting the Von Pencier emporium, I'm running him down We are standing at the precipice of a new era of economic infant mortality and the cutting of frenulums for the fires of dead industry But I can't believe how great my new car is There you go again People told me that a severed hand couldn't drive a car Von Pencier not only got me a vehicle, he set up an easy payment plan that didn't twist my wrist Thanks Von Pencier I was so busy creating multimedia about how cool Florida is that I didn't have time to keep my car tuned up But this new model practically drives itself