 For the safety of your smile use pepsidon twice a day see your dentist twice a year Leverbrothers company presents the pepsidon show my friend Irma created by Cy Howard and Starring Marie Wilson as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane Friendship, friendship, just a perfect friendship when other friendships have been forgotten There's will still be hot They say the human body is 84% water. This can be a dangerous thing. Why do I say that? Well, I live with Irma Peterson and I'm positive her brain has gone down for the third time You want proof? Well the other day we were going to see a movie but Irma insisted we go to the beauty parlor first and take the full treatment So I said honey why such a big fuss over just seeing a movie and Irma said well, we're going to see command decision with Clark Gable van Johnson Walter pigeon and as long as there are no women in the picture who knows they may want to take us out What can you expect from a girl who took an extra nickel with her when she saw sorry wrong numbers so she could complete the call And today being Valentine's Day, I am going through an experience. I wouldn't wish on a guinea pig Irma is writing Valentine poems. She's going to give to Al and she's testing them out on me Jane, how do you like this one? To Al. I'm glad you came my way for you are cute with a capital K That is true. No wonder they offer a reward for men like you Only in 16 states look Irma. You're not getting any place. Why don't you run down to the corner and buy a card? Oh, but it'll be better if it comes right from my heart But honey you have a talent for saying the wrong thing the wrong thing Yeah, how can you make a statement like that, honey? Do I have to prove to you? You always say the wrong thing take yesterday when you're a boss Mr. Clyde said he had to make a court appearance with some brief. Oh, I didn't think he should go out in public in a short I see and when Richard's mother told you she just returned from a week at the Colonial House in Palm Springs What did you say? Well, it was a natural mistake when she said Colonial House I asked her how she got along with Martha Washington Now will you go out and buy a card? No Jane Alice my only boyfriend and I think on this romantic day I should write a personal message the defense rests Jane I wonder what I was going to get me. Well, let's think one year. He brought you a bag of circus peanuts Last year. He brought you a bouquet of flowers. Oh, do you think you'll bring me flowers today? No, I don't think so, honey It would be too much of a coincidence that he be called upon to be a pallbearer again this year I don't think you should pick on now after all what did Richard give you last Valentine's well He took me out to Leon and Eddie's. I think that was a dirty trick. What do you mean? Well, you'd think you want to be alone with you and not take you to two other fellows Sweetie, I've told you before Leon and Eddie's is a nightclub. I don't know why you insist Come in Tell me me Professor Kropot Hello Janey and Emma my two little Valentine's One with a heart of solid gold the other with a head just a solid Why professor? Jenny a little holiday sensei man. Well professor I'm glad to see that Valentine's Day still means something to you. Oh, don't let my age fool your girls I may be an old man on the outside, but on the inside when I'm with two pretty girls like you Yippee You professor as a matter of fact, I composed a little Valentine poem just for you. Oh, isn't that nice? Let's hear a professor. All right Dear Janey and Emma if I were married and had two daughters I'd want them to be like you, but I'm not married and I have no daughters So, please excuse me if once in a while. I say Professor your price Professor happy Valentine's day. Mr. Riley don't Valentine's day me your snake in the grass Girls just wait to hear this poem you left under my door On this day of romantic bliss. I'd like to steal from you a kiss. Oh, that's lovely That's what I thought until I read the rest of it. Listen But then I see that face you're wearing and I think it's better. I should kiss a herring. Oh Oh Professor how can you say such things about Mrs. O'Reilly? I was only fishing for a laugh Well, when I was younger the men didn't make jokes about me I was a very popular girl and I had lots of balls One of them I never forget. He was a balloon pilot He used to take me up in the balloon and make love to me in the moonlight One time the balloon got out of control and we landed in the bottom of a rock quarry Oh, it was quite an experience The county cock is set at the whole story on the front page Riley they called me as I was full of life It's a rally. I don't think you took out enough insurance Why are you dumb old clock you? Gee look at the time I will be here soon Jane I think I'll go down and get him a little gift if he calls tell him I won't be long You're all right, sweetie wait on my right walk down with you coming professor Yes, I'll walk him back of you in this wind. You'll need somebody to catch your eyelashes when they blow off Gee it was nice of you to give us today off What there's a catch in it. What is it? You want me to meet you for cocktails. Oh Richard you make working for you so unpleasant. I'll be there in five minutes. Goodbye. Oh, how Jane where's chicken? Oh, she'll be back in a little while Al. She wants you to wait Well, what are those little heart-shaped packages under your arm? They're two boxes of candy and boy is my arm tired Well, they don't look so heavy. Well, they're not but you don't know how many baseballs I had to throw to get them One is for chicken and the one with the blue ribbon is for my mother I don't see her often. I just write a letter telling her I'm a big success Wanted to be proud of me. Why Al that's very sweet of you Nothing compared to what I'll be able to do in my latest deal comes in as sorry. I can't wait I've got to meet Richard. You gotta listen to this one Jane It's a natural a special invention for married men who lose their money at poker When the wife goes through his pants pockets in the dark and don't find nothing and it's just about the murder The husband the wallet lights up and says thanks for your contribution to the Red Cross Oh How does it strike you like a great big dazzling nothing Your remarks don't faze me Jane. They laughed at Madame Curie But she kept right on working until the day came when she could give the world one of the greatest inventions of all time the radium dial watch Look Al, I've got to get dressed to meet Richard Okay, we'll leave one box of candy here for chicken and take the other one to my mother by the way Al How is your mother? Oh pretty chipper. She expects me rich someday. She just joined a pyramid club Happy Valentine Now where can I put this candy? Oh, we left the wrong box Al Al And forget your mother on Valentine's Day, of course not mom It's good to see you wish I could make it more often Oh, I understand Alfred and I read your letters again and again You executives are always tied down to your desk You're still president of US Steel aren't you? Who me? Oh, US Steel, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I knew that Mrs. Johnson needed glasses Imagine her thinking she saw you standing in the unemployment line. It's a good one mom. I must tell that to Harry Harry Truman? Who else? Oh, I'm so glad you never turned out like your father. I'm so proud of you Thanks mom, and I'm proud of you. Here's a little gift for you. Happy Valentine. Oh Thank you, son Let me read the card. Go ahead mom though. You are a little punchy with those legs. I've got to love you, baby Alfred what a terrible thing to say to your mother. Oh murder The box has got mixed up. I better get the chicken before she reads the card in the other box We're just snooping around to see if I'll bought you present Or if he's hiding like he doesn't all the other holidays. Well, I just got in Oh, there's a package. I know it must be from my out my own darling out You see he didn't forget you. Of course not. He loves me If you could only hear some of the beautiful things he says to me when we sit in the dark on the sofa Oh, I know how they have what a thrill it is Irma Many a man has whispered flattering things in my ear too in the dark And when the lights went on he wanted to kill himself You yourself said that like a brave knight you'd like to put me on a horse and leave for some faraway town No, you didn't hear me right. I said from far away you look like a horse and if I'm a brave some night, I'd leave town The car go ahead Irma. I know it must be tender. All right You are still how could you say a thing like that? I'm a must be a mistake. Oh, it is. He doesn't love me Irma, what are you doing with your hat and coat? I'm going back to minnesota back to the farm Where the horses love me and the cows love me and the goats love me and the pigs love me and somewhere among them I'll find someone to take the place of Al Don't think that you are safe from film Run the tip of your tongue over your teeth If you feel a slippery coating You have film and you need pepsidant with iriam to remove it For film is worse than you think film collect stains that make your teeth look dull But remember pepsidant toothpaste removes film makes your teeth look bright film harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath True, but pepsidant removes film makes your breath fresh and clean film glues acid to your teeth The very acid many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay That's right, but pepsidant toothpaste removes film and the acids it contains film never lets up It forms continually on your teeth. Yes, you have to fight film every day So brush your teeth twice a day with pepsidant toothpaste Because no other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidant's film removing formula No other toothpaste contains iriam or pepsidant's gentle polishing agent So start now to fight film with pepsidant the toothpaste with an exclusive formula for removing film Dear our sister and you too mister pepsidant the paste for you Whispers those sweet nothings a girl loves to hear on valentine's day I just can't wait to get home Why because al has left the wrong gift for irma and I must get back and explain before it's too late You see I remember the time al told her he got a letter from virginia and she cried for three days before she found out It was the name of a state So i'm taking no chances Irma, irma are you home? Oh, is that you irma? Even with the vegan I wouldn't look like irma Professor have you seen irma? Yes, genie. I did I was here when she opened al's box of candy and there's the card card. Let me see You are still my first sweetheart even though you're old and wrinkled. Oh professor. He meant this for his mother I tried to explain to irma that it must be a mistake, but she left left She packed the suitcase and said she was going back to minnesota Oh, well, I'd better run down to the station before she gets on that train. I'll call the station Maybe it's too early. Maybe it's too late. We've got to do something Oh, how much longer must I go on living with desperate dora? Hello grand central when is the next train to minnesota please? Two hours. Thank you Two hours. I wonder what she's doing in the meantime Well, the average person would probably make the reservations get the magazine sit in the waiting room Maybe go to a movie. That's the average person Now let's see what would irma do That's the trouble She's so unpredictable the last time she got mad I found her standing in front of the electric fan It traps that was her way of blowing her top And remember the time she drank 18 cokes because she wanted to drown herself without getting a dress wet Well, I wish I knew where to start looking the poor deer is probably crying her eyes out Playing the last part of that record again for me mister not at all miss if you'll promise not to cry again All right He must be crazy Why to talk with you? I'd never take you to be more than six or seven Have I put you to any trouble? Oh, no, no, I've just been playing this record for you for half an hour You've used up a whole box of my Kleenex with your tears The record has worn out now and I've only neglected three customers Oh, well, I know this is a big business store and and you have big expenses and I don't want you to lose any money on me So I'll buy a package of needles Do you have a victrola? No, but when I get back to the farm, I'm going to forget about men and just spend my time sewing Oh professor, did you have any luck at the station? I looked all over the baggage room the waiting room the rest and I she must be wandering around the city Well, thanks anyway professor To follow her trail what we need is a bloodhound with a mind like a corkscrew Hey, maybe that's Irma come in Hello, Jane. Hi professor. See, I mean it just in time happened to make a mistake with Irma's valentine What's the matter with everybody? You look like the parole board getting ready to turn a guy down Al how could you have made a mistake like that? Well, I guess chicken feels bad about it, but you should have heard my mother She thinks less of me than she does of my father Where's chicken want to explain to her Al? She's on her way to minnesota Minnesota, well, she can't do that to me chicken is all I got. Why are we standing here? Let's do something. Let's go to the station. We got to stop it easy Al The professor has already tried to find her and she isn't at the station The only thing we can do now is wait for train time and then try again Cannot do that Jane not going to let my poor sweet chicken wander about thinking the world has come to an end But she's lost the best thing she ever had me All right Cupid's gift to the world. What do you suggest? When everything else starts to fail. There's only one man to hail who Al who else but Hello, Joe Al got a problem when a dame runs out on you. What do you do? Well lock the doors bolt the windows and celebrate No, no, Joe, that's all right for you. I've seen your wife Now my chicken is going away and I can't live without her. What do I do? Uh-huh Uh-huh Mm-hmm Get my name in the obituary column and then when she reads it she'll cry Yeah, but Joe, I'll have to be dead to get my name in that column Well, that's your point any guy who will worry that much over one day may in fit to live Joe you ain't got no sentiments but thanks anyway and goodbye noble friend Well, no help there Jane. What are we gonna do look Al? I'm just as much concerned about this thing as you are We are all concerned believe me the old professor would miss her very much if she went away She has a way of getting into your heartstrings and making them giggle Has anybody thought of checking with mrs. O'Reilly chicken may have changed her mind and gone down there to power say that's an idea Let's go down and look. Oh the poor girl must be out of her mind Then I'll go look in my room because if she was out of her mind, that's where she'd go Look miss, I don't own the railroad I'm only the ticket seller and I can't get you within a thousand miles of minnesota on aid dollars Well, I could send a telegram to my mother and have her pay the driver when the train gets there Sorry can't be done. Oh, maybe I can work my way across to minnesota, you know swapping the deck or something Look miss. I'm busy. You're holding up the line. All right. Watch your step everybody Arm of Peterson. What are you doing here? Why officer jones? What are you doing down here? I was transferred for going beyond the line of duty. I caught the sergeant's wife shoplifting But urma, what's the matter with you? You look like you've been crying. Well, do you remember my boyfriend al, don't you? Oh, yes, indeed How is the bum? Oh, well he insulted me on valentine's day, so i'm going back to minnesota There there now don't let anything like that make you go back home, honey New york is full of men now Why don't you just go back to janey and forget that unemployed nobody? Well, I don't want to but urma. I know how much janey loves you and anything like this is liable to break her heart Basha, I never looked at it that way. Sure Well, maybe you're right. I'll I'll go back home, but I'm through with that That's a girl Here officer jones. Well, you take this bar this box of cigars It's a valentine present I bought for al and there's no point in me keeping them. It doesn't look nice for a lady to smoke cigars Well, thank you urma Hmm, you smell like they come from hirvana. No, they're from macy's Oh, here comes my boss urma. Do you mind if I give this cigars to him? It might win me a promotion No, I don't mind. I'm through with men forever and when I get married if I have any children. I'll put dresses on all the boys Cannot understand how chicken could walk out on me like this There's nothing left for me. Yes. I know you've eaten every piece of candy in that box. You bought it My grief. Do I know what I'm doing? Let this be a lesson to all you men. We women have to be handled with gloves You look like you've been handled by a claw machine I look here you son of a student. Oh urma. Hello jane chicken. Don't talk to me. No, wait a minute chicken It's all a mistake. You got the card my mother was supposed to get and vice versa Oh, so that's what it was. Wow. I've been such a fool Will you ever forgive me for doubting you? Of course chicken. We're both high strung sentimental people Right chicken, right al and uh being yourself sentimental. Tell me, uh, what did you get me for Valentine? Oh dear Chicken you mean you forgot. Oh, no. In fact, I bought you a present and I even wrote a cute personal card But well, what happened to it? Now, who can that be come in? Irma Peterson, you've got to help me out of this This is my boss. I I gave him your present and the card inside John you wrote that card. I know what you think of me. I'm going to detail you to Staten Island Please please Irma save me. I'm sure this is all a mistake. What does the card say? Read it officer It says this is to show you what I think of you Even though you have never made an honest dollar in your life That should explain everything. Oh sure. That's a terrible thing to say to any man I wrote it for my boyfriend Al Don't think that you are safe from film nearly everyone has it Just run your tongue over your teeth if you feel a slippery coating That's film and you'd better get pepsident toothpaste to remove it For film collect stains that make teeth look dull It harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath Film glues acid to your teeth the very acid that many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay And remember film never lets up So brush your teeth twice a day with film removing pepsident No other toothpaste can duplicate pepsident's film removing formula Get pepsident with iriam today We all got our valentine straight and then we went out with richard To a cafe and we dined and danced and had a merry time Yes, every one of us entered into the spirit of st valentine's day with gusto Then came the check My eyes almost popped when al was the first to grab it He took out his fountain pen drew a large heart across the top of it handed it to richard and said happy valentine But richard was his own gracious self and accepted it with a smile Now ermah and i are home and ready for bed. She's on her knees saying her prayers And i promise i'll never doubt al again But if i do would you mind reducing the fare to minnesota? And if she takes the super chief i'm sure that for the next hundred years He will say ug every time he thinks of my friend ermah My friend ermah is produced and directed by sye howard Park levy writes the script with stanley adams and roland mclean And it is brought to you by pepsident toothpaste with iriam another fine product of lever brother's company Marie wilson has starred as ermah with jones banks as jane The part of al was played by john brown haunts conread was heard as professor karpotkin and gloria gordon as mrs. O'Reilly Music was under the direction of bled bluskin. This is wendell niles speaking The r isk brisk flavor. That's what you get in lipton tea Yes brisk flavor that picks you up brings you back alive in a hurry Brisk flavor that comes from liptons very special blending of the finest orange pico and pico teas try it You'll find that this brisk flavor of liptons leaves you refreshed and ready to go again And you can enjoy it often because even wonderful tea like liptons costs less than any drink except water Always ask for lipton tea the brisk tea with that heartwarming lipton lift Tune in one hour earlier next week and listen to the lux radio theater followed by the pepsident show my friend ermah This is cbs the columbia