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So say Merry Christmas 200 times with a carton of 200 Lucky Strike cigarettes in their beautiful holiday wrapping. And for the specials on your list, a special handsome gift box of 500 Lucky Strike cigarettes. Each so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester Dennis Day and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, there are only three more shopping days till Christmas. So let's pick up Jack and Rochester on their way down to do their last-minute Christmas shopping. Rochester, how far is it from my house to downtown? About seven miles, boss. Oh, fine. We ought to be there about noon. Yeah, that's a good thing we started last night. Yeah. Gee, there sure is a lot of traffic this time of year. But I have so much to do. I better check over this list. Clark Gable have a dozen shirts. Barbara Stanwyck, one dozen initial handkerchiefs. Gary Cooper, two pair of silk pajamas. Claudette Colbert, lace negligee. Rochester, I hope we can deliver these things by tomorrow. Yeah, you promised them they'd have their laundry back before Christmas. We may have to work nights. Oh, well, let's not worry about that now. Donna will never get downtown at this rate, so slow riding behind the trolley. You want me to cast off and hook on to a bus? No, I can't stand those fumes. You know, Rochester, Christmas is a lot different now than it was years ago. I remember one Christmas Eve when I was a kid. A growl was covered with snow, and as I looked out the window, in the distance I could see someone dressed in red. Suddenly there came a patter of hoofbeats and a knock on the door, and the door flew open, and a man said, The British are coming. He did not. He said, Merry Christmas. It was Santa Claus. Then he came into the house and gave my cousin Cliff a sled, my sister Florence a doll, and Rochester, you'll never guess what Santa Claus gave me. What? A violin. That sweet old man did that. Rochester, Don't be so... Oh, there's the store. We better start looking for a place to park. Here's a place. Slow down while I see what it says on the sign. This parking lot reserved for the patrons of the paddock swimming pool company. One hour free parking with each $6,000 purchase. It's a shame we've already have a swimming pool. Oh, look, here's another free parking lot. Let me see. This lot reserved for the patrons of Dr. Whiteside, the friendly dentist. One hour free parking with each toothful. Rochester. I went last time, it's your turn now. Well, never mind. Let me out and you find a place to park the car. I gotta meet Miss Livingston. Okay. There's certainly a lot of people downtown today. Jack, oh Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. Jack, I've been waiting for 15 minutes. Oh, I'm sorry. We got held up in traffic. Let's go in the store. Mary, you have my Christmas list, haven't you? Yes, here it is. What does it say? It says, dear Jackie boy, I couldn't meet you last night because the customer spilled a chocolate soda all over my uniform. The list is on the other side. Give it to me. Wait a minute, Jack. Who's Josephine? The little blonde car hop at Simon's Drive-In. She used to work at the Glendale branch, but they promoted her to Beverly Hills. Gee, I hope that chocolate soda incident doesn't send her back to Glendale. You know, she's very pretty, Mary. The Drive-In uses her pictures and all their newspaper ads. Oh, yes, I remember. She was Miss Cheeseburger of 1946. Yeah, she'd have made it this year too, but her mustard was uncrooked. Just goes to show you fate, a little thing like that. Let me see that list, Mary. Here you are. Gee, I still have to buy a present for my old girlfriend, Gladys Obisco. I don't know what to get her. You think she'd like a lipstick? I don't know. She got lips. Oh, stop being so catty. I know what. I'll just send her some flowers. Now come on, before I do any shopping, I want to open a charge account. There's the credit department over there. Now, Mr. Benny, I think we have all the personal information we need. Now, would you tell us something about your financial qualifications? What are your assets? Well, I own my own home, my own car. I have three paid-up insurance policies. I have a radio program, and I own some stocks and bonds. I see. Now, what are your liabilities? My liabilities? The horn blows at midnight. The horn blows at midnight. Oh, yes, that was a picture. Thank you. Now, Mr. Benny, in what bank do you keep your money? The Bank of America, California Bank, Security Trust Company, Farmers and Merchants Bank, Mercantile Trust Company, Security Savings Bank, First National Bank of New York, Pittsburgh Trust Company, National Bank of Commerce. Can I help you, young man? Help me? Yes. Yes, you've been standing in front of this counter for ten minutes. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm confused. Well, that's understandable. You're confused because it's Christmas time. You've got the Christmas spirit. You're doing your Christmas shopping, and you're looking at so many different things. Well, that explains why I'm confused in December, but what about the other months? Well, I wouldn't know. I'm just standing behind this counter because in a moment of enthusiasm, I sold my pants. Well, I'd like to get something for my parents. Well, your mother and father, eh? Yeah, how did you know? Well, I just figured it out. Gee whiz, I don't know what to get from my mother. You know a young man looking at you, I can just picture your mother. You can? Yes, small, petite, gentle, a kindly smile for everyone and spends most of the time sitting in a rocking chair knitting. That's my father. Now try and guess my mother. Oh boy, she sure makes him toe the mark. You mean your father's afraid of your mother? Oh, everybody's afraid of my mother. When I was born, the stork left me a block away from the house. What? It's a good thing I knew the address. Gee, I wish I knew what to buy my mother for a Christmas present. Oh, I know, I'll get her one of these. What size is this one? 38. No, that'll be a little too small. What size is this one here? That's a 44. That's fine, put some bullets in it and wrap it up. Yes, sir. Send it to Mrs. Patricia Day and put a card in the saying, with all my love, Dennis. Yes, sir, I'll do that immediately. First National Bank, Bank of Manhattan, Sacramento Savings and Trust, San Francisco Bank Exchange and the Benny Trust Company of Warkegon. Well, well, you certainly keep your money in a lot of different places. Yes. He's also got a Saint Bernard with a coin slot and a brandy barrel. That's in case I get lost, isn't it? Well, Mr. Benny, as far as your credit is concerned, that's all the information we need. Thank you. Now, come on, Mary, let's get my shopping started. Let me see that list again. There's Dom Rochester. I know what to get Dennis. He told me what he wants. And it's such a silly thing. What does he want? A bulletproof vest. Say, Mary, what would be a good thing for a nine-year-old boy? I want to get something for little Stevie Kent. Stevie Kent? Isn't he the little boy who tackled you in the football game and sprained your ankle? Uh-huh. And you're buying him a present? Mary, it was an accident. He didn't mean to do it. Then why are you suing him? I'm not suing him. I dropped the case after he paid the doctor bill. Now, come on, let's try to... Mr. Benny, Mr. Jack Benny... Oh, darling, what do they want, now? Uh, pardon me, miss. Would you mind waiting on me, please? Well, yes, sir. What can I do for you all? Well, honey, child! You're the same little gal waiting on me last year. You from Alabama, ain't you? Ah, sure, I am. Are you all from the south? Am I all from the south? Honey, when I was born, the doctor held me up on my feet and slapped me with a candid yam. My dear little baby, it ain't little old Phil Harris. That's me, baby. They purchased Louis Hanna because I was in it. I don't doubt it for a minute. Now, what would you like to buy? Well, uh, I don't know. How would you all like to see something nice and lingerie? Now, honey, you know you shouldn't throw me a line like that. Gee, Mr. Harris, you're so cute. Yeah, everybody notices it. You know, Mr. Harris, you're so much different than I pictured you to be. On the radio, you're such a braggart. You sound so conceited. That ain't nothing. Wait till I go on television. Are you all going to go on television? Honey, when a man is as good-looking as I am, television ain't a luxury. It's a necessity. Now, let me see. Let me see. I'm wondering, honey, what I can get from my wife. Oh, I'll tell you what. Hey, give me one of them negligee's there. Well, yes. Shall I wrap it as a gift? Yeah, and fix the package up so she can't peek into it. Seal it over with some of that scotch and soda tape. I've wrapped up for you in two shakes of a possum's tail. Wait right here, Mr. Harris. Hey, mister, there was a call that I report back here to the credit department. Oh, yes, Mr. Benny. The store has checked your financial standing and we're happy to say that the papers are all ready for the loan. Loan? I don't want to get a loan. No, we do. Well, how much... Jack, come on. You came here to do your Christmas shopping. Oh, yes, yes. You better call me at home, mister. Now, come on, Mary. I might as well buy the flowers for Gladys Abisco first. Okay. Hiya, Jack. Huh? Oh, hello. Long time no see. That's right. Come on, Mary. Jack, who was that? Oh, he's that racetrack towel who used to hang around Santa Anita. What a guy. Come on. Let's get away from him. Oh, wait a minute, Jack. I want to stop the laundry counter. I like this shade, miss. I'll take this pair of two-thread hose. You're wrong, lady. This hose is three-thread. Oh, no, it's two-thread. I beg your pardon, but it's three-thread. Listen, sister, don't argue with me. Not so long ago, I was standing right where you are. Let's tell her, Mary. I don't know why I'm so fresh. She's making more money than I am. Only during the holiday season. Anyway, Mary, you don't have to buy stockings. I was going to give you a pair for Christmas. I'll buy my own. I wore the stockings you gave me last year, and everybody thought I was a nurse. How do I know the kind you want? Come with me while I get the flowers. Hello, Mr. Bieny. I see the U-Time is catching up with you. Oh, hello, Mr. Kitzel. Hello, are you doing your Christmas shopping? Look at these arm-loaded bundles. The things I am buying. Now, what's in that long, thin package? This is a present I'm sending to my brother-in-law. It's a hacksaw. A hacksaw? If he gets it in time, he'll be home for Christmas. Mr. Kitzel, your brother-in-law is a prisoner? No, he's the warden. Well, if he's the warden, why does he want a hacksaw? He was playing Truth or Consequences with the prisoners, and he lost. Oh. Say, Mr. Kitzel, what are you getting your wife for Christmas? She's already here in this box. It's a beautiful workhold. Well, that's nice. What is it? A fox or a sable? And the label is sable. In the box, it's fox. Well, don't you know what you're bought? I mean, didn't you ask the salesman? For $29, I should start an argument. Well, maybe you're right. She'll probably like it anyway. Well, goodbye, Mr. Kitzel. Merry U-Time, Mr. Bieny. Merry Christmas to you. Say, Mary, while you're waiting for your stockings, I'm going over and pick out some flowers for gladness. See, all these flowers are so beautiful, but I think I'll get these roses. Yeah, they're the nicest. Hey, Jack. Jack. Huh? What you doing? I'm buying flowers. What kind? I'm buying roses. Take the carnations. But look, I don't want carnations. I want roses. Come here a minute. Huh? Don't be a jank. The roses are a buck a piece. That's even money. I know. The same don't want carnations will get you six to one. Six to one? Don't take my wait for it. Here it is in the seed catalog. Look, Mr. ... I'll show you. Now, let's see. Poppies, gladiolas, chrysanthemums, poison ivy. Now that's been scratched. Violets, daisies, roses. Yeah, here it is, roses. Blooms early, fades in the finish. Well, look, I don't care what it says. I'm still going to buy the roses. Okay. It's your money. I wish that guy would leave me alone. Oh, Miss! Miss! Let me see. I have my rifle, cartridges, my rod, and reel, and hooks. Yes, sir. Now, is there anything else you need? Oh, yes, yes, a tent. Very well. How about this one over here? Well, that looks good. Shall I have it delivered? No, just put sleeves on it. I'll wear it whole. Oh, God! God! Well, hello, Jack. Hello, doing your last-minute shopping. Yeah, I was just going over to the perfume counter to get her present for my sister Florence. Well, Jack, before you go, I want to show you something. I bought you in the toy department. I gave you something like this last year, but you broke it. Remember? Oh, yeah, but, darling, that was last year. I'm too old for toys, now. But, Jack, this is so novel. Now, just look at it. A set of toy wooden soldier. Now, that's not for me. Believe me. Well, now, just watch what happens when I wind them up. Now, people are watching. Now, you can show it to me at home. Here it goes! It's a smoke for you. It's a smoke for me. It's a smoke for we. LSM, LSM, LSM. LSM, LSM, LSM, LSM. LSM, LSM, LSM, LSM. LSM, LSM, LSM, LSM. It's a firm move. That if I luckies, that if I luckies, that if I luckies strikes the smoke for me, that can try luckies, that can try luckies, that LSM, LSM, LSM. That if I luckies, that if I luckies, that if I luckies strikes the smoke for me, LSM, LSM, LSM, LSM. LSM, LSM, LSM. LSM, LSM, LSM. To wind them up again. Never mind, Don. Forget. It was nice of you to think of me, anyway. I'll see you later. Looking for you. Oh, I'm sorry, Mary. I stopped to talk to Don Wilson. Oh, say, Mary, don't let me forget to buy something for Fred Allen. Fred Allen? Yeah, I don't know what to get him. He has nothing. Oh, I'll buy something for my sister first. Here's the perfume counter. Pardon me, sir. I'd like to buy some perfume. Okay, mister. What kind of perfume would you like? I don't know. What's popular right now? Well, here's something that's not too strong, yet leaves a trail of broken hearts. It's called Avaque Trajetain Boucou, My Cheritre Vine. What does that mean? I don't know. I didn't take French when I was at Harvard. Well, anyway, I don't think I'd like that. What else have you got? Well, here's some other perfume called Essence of a Locker Room. Oh, no, no, I don't want. So here's a perfume that looks nice. How much is that? 68 cents a gallon. 68 cents a gallon? What do you think, Mary? The same as you. The price is right. I didn't mean that. If you want something cheaper, here's some perfume for only 25 cents. 25 cents? What kind of a bottle has that come in? That don't come in no bottle. We keep it on tap. On tap? When I draw it fast, you ought to see the head on it. Well, never mind. I'll get something else. By the way, mister, how come they put a fellow like you behind the perfume counter? Oh, my regular job is in a delicatessen department slice and Limburg-er-cheese. Limburg-er-cheese? Yeah, once a month they send me here to neutralize me. Well, you must have just come up. Come on, Mary, let's go... Mary, let's go to another counter and see... Oh, look! There's Rochester buying some couplings. Oh, yeah, I wonder who they're for. Let's sneak up behind them and listen. I think these are beautiful. They're very unusual. Yeah, but I don't think my boss would like them. They ain't his style. I see. What type of man is your boss? Well, he's medium tall, medium weight and rather conservative. By, uh... By conservative, you mean he's posimonious? Posimonious? What's that? Frugal. What's frugal? Thrifty. You're headed in the right direction but you've got a long way to go. If I had those couplings already, I'd fire them. Quiet. I want to hear this. Now, let's see. Maybe he'd like something else. Why don't you buy him a nice wallet? He ain't got no use for a wallet. Where does he keep his money? California Bank, Bank of America, Security First National Bank in a filco deep freeze. A filco deep freeze. Mr. Belly likes some of his money in cold cash. Rochester. Oh, hello, boss. I didn't see you. I know you didn't, but if you're going to buy me a Christmas present, buy it. Don't discuss my personal affairs. Yes, sir. Come on, Mary, let's go. Oh, say, Mary, there's one thing I still have to get. What's that? A present for Don Wilson. I can get right over here at this collar. Oh, clerk. Yes, sir? I was, uh, thinking of getting... Say, your face looks familiar. Didn't I wait on you last year? Yes. Yes, I believe you did. I was thinking of getting... Now I remember. You bought a pair of shoelaces, didn't you? Yes. Yes, I did. Now, I was thinking of getting... You couldn't make up your mind whether to get plastic tips or metal tips. That's right. That's right. Uh, Jack, let's get out of here. Wait, Mary, I have to buy Don's present. Uh, mister, do you happen to have... I remember how you kept coming back. First you get plastic tips, then you change the metal tips. Plastic tips. Metal tips. It was a hard decision to make, you see. Now, mister, I'd like to get... Metal tips. Plastic tips. Metal tips. Jack, get out quick. Wait a minute. And you came back again, and again, and again, and again. Mister... All the other clerks went home, but I had to stay. Look, mister... But you're not going to do it to me this year! Plastic tips! Metal tips! Plastic tips! Metal tips! Since this is our Christmas show, we feel that it is fitting to close with a medley of Christmas carols sung by Dennis Day. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.