 This is Section 8 of Mark Twain, A Biography, Part 1, 1900–1907. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Mark Twain, A Biography, by Albert Bigelow Payne. CHAPTER 219 YATING AND THEOLOGY Clemens made fewer speeches during the Riverdale period. He was as frequently demanded, but he had a better excuse for refusing, especially the evening functions. He attended a good many luncheons with friendly spirits like Howells, Matthews, James L. Ford, and Hamlin Garland. At the end of February he came down to the mayor's dinner given to Prince Henry of Prussia, but he did not speak. Clemens used to say afterward that he had not been asked to speak, and that it was probably because of his supposed breach of etiquette at the Kaiser's dinner in Berlin. But the fact that Prince Henry sought him out, and was most cordially and humanly attentive during a considerable portion of the evening, is against the supposition. Clemens attended a Yale alumni dinner that winter, and incidentally visited Twitchell in Hartford. The old question of moral responsibility came up, and Twitchell lent his visitor a copy of Jonathan Edwards' Freedom of the Will for train perusal. Clemens found it absorbing. Later he wrote Twitchell his views. Dear Joe, after compliments, meaning what a good time you gave me, what a happiness it was to be under your roof again, et cetera, see opening sentence of all translations of letters passing between Lord Roberts and Indian princes and rulers. From Bridgeport to New York, thence to home, and continuously, until near midnight, I wallowed and reeked with Jonathan in his insane debauch. Rose immensely refreshed and fine at ten this morning, and with a strange and haunting sense of having been on a three days' tear with a drunken lunatic. It is years since I have known these sensations. All through the book is the glare of a resplendent intellect gone mad, a marvellous spectacle. No, not all through the book. The drunk does not come on till the last third, where what I take to be Calvinism and its God begins to show up and shine red and hideous in the glow from the fires of hell, their only right and proper adornment. Jonathan seems to hold, as against the Armenian position, that the man or his soul or his will never creates an impulse itself, but is moved to action by an impulse back of it. That's sound. Also, that of two or more things offered it, it infallibly chooses the one which for the moment is most pleasing to itself. Perfectly correct. An immense admission for a man not otherwise sane. Up to that point he could have written chapters three and four of my suppressed gospel. But there we seem to separate. He seems to concede the indisputable and unshaken dominion of motive and necessity. Call them what he may. These are exterior forces and not under the man's authority, guidance or even suggestion. Then he suddenly flies the logical track, and to all seeming, makes the man and not those exterior forces responsible to God for the man's thoughts, words, and acts. It is Frank Insanity. I think that when he concedes the autocratic dominion of motive and necessity, he grants a third position of mine, that a man's mind is a mere machine, an automatic machine, which is handled entirely from the outside. The man himself furnishing it absolutely nothing. Not an ounce of its fuel, and not so much as a bare suggestion to that exterior engineer, as to what the machine shall do, nor how it shall do it, nor when. After that concession it was time for him to get alarmed and shirk, for he was pointed straight for the only rational and possible next station on that piece of road, the irresponsibility of man to God. And so he shirked, shirked, and arrived at this handsome result. Man is commanded to do so and so. It has been ordained from the beginning of time that some men shan't, and others can't. These are to blame. Let them be damned. I enjoy the Colonel very much, and shall enjoy the rest of him with an obscene delight. Joe, the whole tribe, shout love to you and yours. Clemens was moved to set down some theology of his own, and did so in a manuscript which he entitled, If I Could Be There. It is in the dialogue form he often adopted for polemic writing. It is a colloquy between the master of the universe and a stranger. It begins One. If I could be there, hidden under the steps of the throne, I should hear conversations like this, a stranger. Lord, there is one who needs to be punished and has been overlooked. It is in the record I have found it. Lord. By searching? Yes. Yes, Lord. L. Who is it? What is it? S. A man? L. Proceed? S. He died in sin, sin committed by his great grandfather. L. When was this? S. Eleven million years ago. L. Do you know what a microbe is? S. Yes, Lord. It is a creature too small to be detected by my eye. L. He commits depredations upon your blood? S. Yes, Lord. L. I give you leave to subject him to a billion years of misery for this offense. Go. Work your will upon him. S. But, Lord, I have nothing against him. I am indifferent to him. L. Why? S. He is so infinitely small and contemptible. I am to him as is a mountain range to a grain of sand. L. What am I to man? S. Silent. L. Am I not to a man as is a billion solar systems to a grain of sand? S. It is true, Lord. L. Some microbes are larger than others. Does man regard the difference? S. No, Lord. To him there is no difference of consequence. To him they are all microbes, all infinitely little and equally inconsequential. L. To me there is no difference of consequence between a man and a microbe. Man looks down upon the speck at his feet, called a microbe, from an altitude of a thousand miles, so to speak, and regards him with indifference. L. I look down upon the specks called a man and a microbe, from an altitude of a billion leagues, so to speak, and to me they are of a size. To me both are inconsequential. L. Man kills the microbes when he can? S. Yes, Lord. L. Then what? Does he keep him in mind years and years and go on contriving miseries for him? S. No, Lord. L. Does he forget him? S. Yes, Lord. L. Why? S. He cares nothing more about him. L. Employs himself with more important matters? S. Yes, Lord. L. Apparently man is quite a rational and dignified person, and can divorce his mind from uninteresting trivialities. Why does he affront me with the fancy that I interest myself in trivialities, like men and microbes? L. Is it true the human race thinks the universe was created for its convenience? S. Yes, Lord. L. The human race is modest. Speaking as a member of it, what do you think the other animals are for? S. To furnish food and labor for man. L. What is the sea for? S. To furnish food for man, fishes. L. And the air? S. To furnish sustenance for man, birds and breath. L. How many men are there? S. 1500 millions. L. Referring to notes. Take your pencil and set down some statistics. In a healthy man's lower intestine, 28 million microbes are born daily and die daily. In the rest of a man's body, 122 million microbes are born daily and die daily. The two sums aggregate what? S. About 150 million. L. In 10 days the aggregate reaches what? S. 1500 millions. L. It is for one person. What would it be for the whole human population? S. Last, Lord, it is beyond the power of figures to set down that multitude. It is billions of billions multiplied by billions of billions. And these multiplied again and again by billions of billions. The figures would stretch across the universe and hang over into space on both sides. L. To what intent are these uncountable microbes introduced into the human race? S. That they may eat. L. Now then, according to man's own reasoning, what is man for? S. Alas! Alas! L. What is he for? S. To, to furnish food for microbes. L. Manifestly. A child could see it. Now then, with this common sense light to aid your perceptions, what are the air, the land, and the ocean for? S. To furnish food for man so that he may nourish, support, and multiply, and replenish the microbes. L. Manifestly. Does one build a boarding house for the sake of the boarding house itself, or for the sake of the borders? S. Certainly for the sake of the borders. L. Man's a boarding house. S. I perceive it, Lord. L. He is a boarding house. He was never intended for anything else. If he had had less vanity and clear insight into the great truths that lie embedded in statistics, he would have found it out early. As concerns the man who has gone unpunished eleven million years, is it your belief that in life he did his duty by his microbes? Yes. Undoubtedly, Lord, he could not help it. L. Then why punish him? He had no other duty to perform. Whatever else may be said of this kind of doctrine, it is at least original and has a conclusive sound. Mark Twain had very little use for orthodoxy and conservatism. When it was announced that Dr. Jacques Loeb of the University of California had demonstrated the creation of life by chemical agencies, he was deeply interested. When a newspaper writer commented that a consensus of opinion among biologists would probably rate Dr. Loeb as a man of lively imagination rather than an inerrant investigator of natural phenomena, he felt called to chaff the consensus idea. I wish I could be as young as that again. Although I seem so old now, I was once as young as that. I remember, as if it were but 30 or 40 years ago, how a paralyzing consensus of opinion accumulated from experts, a setting around about brother experts who had patiently and laboriously cold chiseled their way into one or another of nature's safe deposit vaults, and were reporting that they had found something valuable was plenty for me. It settled it. But it isn't so now, no, because in the drift of the years I, by and by, found out that a consensus examines a new thing with its feelings rather oftener than with its mind, there was that primitive steam engine ages back in Greek times, a consensus made fun of it. There was the Marquess of Worcester's steam engine two hundred and fifty years ago, a consensus made fun of it. There was Fulton's steamboat of a century ago, a French consensus, including the great Napoleon, made fun of it. There was Priestley with his oxygen. A consensus scoffed at him, mobbed him, burned him out, banished him. While a consensus was proving by statistics and things that a steamship could not cross the Atlantic, a steamship did it. And so on through a dozen pages or more of lively satire ending with an extract from Adam's diary. Then there was a consensus about it. It was the very first one. It sat six days and nights. It was then delivered of the verdict that a world could not be made out of nothing, that such small things as sun and moon and stars might maybe, but it would take years and years if there was considerable many of them. Then the consensus got up and looked out of the window, and there was the whole outfit, spinning and sparkling in space. You never saw such a disappointed lot. Adam. He was writing much at this time, mainly for his own amusement, though now and then he offered one of his reflections for print. That beautiful fairy tale, the five boons of life, of which the most precious is death, was written at this period. Mater Link's love story of the bee interested him. He wrote about that. Somebody proposed a martyr's day. He wrote a paper ridiculing the suggestion. In his notebook, too, there is a memorandum for a love story of the courtinary epic which would begin on a soft October afternoon two million years ago. John Fisk's discovery of America, Volume One, he said, was to furnish the animals and scenery, civilization and conversation to be the same as today. But apparently this idea was carried no further. He ranged through every subject from protoplasm to infinity, exalting, condemning, ridiculing, explaining. His brain was always busy, a dynamo that rested neither night nor day. In April, Clemens received notice of another yachting trip on the Canawa, which this time would sail for the Bahama and West Indian islands. The guests were to be about the same. The invited ones for the party were Honorable T. B. Reed, A. G. Payne, Lawrence Hutton, Dr. C. C. Rice, W. T. Foot, and S. L. Clemens. Owners of the yacht, Mr. Rogers called them, signing himself as their guest. He sent this telegram. H. H. Rogers, Fairhaven, Massachusetts. Can't get away this week. I have company here from tonight till middle of next week. Will Canawa be sailing after that? And can I go as Sunday school superintendent at half rate? Answer and prepay. Dr. Clemens. The sailing date was conveniently arranged, and there followed a happy cruise among those balmy islands. Mark Twain was particularly fond of Tom Reed, who had been known as Zarr Reed in Congress, but was delightfully human in his personal life. They argued politics a good deal, and Reed, with all his training and intimate practical knowledge of the subject, confessed that he couldn't argue with a man like that. Do you believe the things you say? He asked once in his thin, falsetto voice. Yes, said Clemens. Some of them. Well, you want to look out. If you go on this way, by and by, you'll get to believing nearly everything you say. Dropoker appears to have been their favorite diversion. Clemens in his notes reports that off the coast of Florida Reed won twenty-three pots in succession. It was said afterward that they made no stops at any harbor, that when the chief officer approached the poker table and told them they were about to enter some important port, he received peremptory orders to sail on and not interrupt the game. This, however, may be regarded as more or less founded on fiction. End of Chapter 219. Yachting and Theology. Read by John Greenman. Section 9 of Mark Twain a Biography. Part I, 1900 to 1907. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Mark Twain a Biography. By Albert Bigelow Payne. Chapter 220. Mark Twain and the Philippines. Among the completed manuscripts of the early part of 1902 was a North American review article published in April, Does the Race of Man Love a Lord? A Most Interesting Treatise on Snobbery as a Universal Weakness. There were also some papers on the Philippine situation. In one of these, Clemens wrote, We have bought some islands from a party who did not own them. With real smartness and a good counterfeit of disinterested friendliness, we coaxed a confiding weak nation into a trap and closed it upon them. We went back on an honoured guest of the stars and stripes when we had no further use for him, and chased him to the mountains. We are as indisputably in possession of a wide spreading archipelago as if it were our property. We have pacified some thousands of the islanders and buried them, destroyed their fields, burned their villages, and turned their widows and orphans out of doors, furnished heartbreak by exile to some dozens of disagreeable patriots, subjugated the remaining ten millions by benevolent assimilation, which is the pious new name of the musket. We have acquired property in the three hundred concubines and other slaves of our business partner, the Sultan of Sulu, and hoisted our protecting flag over that swag. And so, by these providences of God, the phrase is the governments, not mine, we are a world power and are glad and proud, and have a back seat in the family with tax in it. At least we are letting on to be glad and proud. It is the best way. Indeed, it is the only way. We must maintain our dignity for people are looking. We are a world power. We cannot get out of it now, and we must make the best of it. And again, he wrote, I am not finding fault with this use of our flag, for in order not to seem eccentric, I have swung around now and joined the nation in the conviction that nothing can sully a flag. I was not properly reared and had the illusion that a flag was a thing which must be sacredly guarded against shameful uses and unclean contacts lest it suffer pollution. And so, when it was sent out to the Philippines to float over a wanton war and a robbing expedition, I supposed it was polluted. And in an ignorant moment I said so, but I stand corrected. I concede and acknowledge that it was only the government that sent it on such an errand that was polluted. Let us compromise on that. I am glad to have it that way, for our flag could not well stand pollution, never having been used to it. But it is different with the administration. But a much more conspicuous comment on the Philippine policy was the so-called defense of General Funston, for what Funston himself referred to as a dirty Irish trick, that is to say deception in the capture of Aguinaldo. Clemens, who found it hard enough to reconcile himself to any form of warfare, was especially bitter concerning this particular campaign. The article appeared in the North American Review for May 1902 and stirred up a good deal of a storm. He wrote much more on the subject, very much more, but it is still unpublished. End of Chapter 220 Mark Twain and the Philippines, read by John Greenman. Section 10 of Mark Twain A Biography. Part 1, 1900-1907. One day in April 1902 Samuel Clemens received the following letter from the President of the University of Missouri. Dear Mr. Clemens, although you received the degree of Doctor of Literature last fall from Yale, and have had other honors conferred upon you by other great universities, we want to adopt you here as a son of the University of Missouri. In asking your permission to confer upon you the degree of LLD, the University of Missouri does not aim to confer an honor upon you so much as to show her appreciation of you. The rules of the University forbid us to confer the degree upon anyone in absentia. I hope very much that you can so arrange your plans as to be with us on the fourth day of next June when we shall hold our annual commencement. Very truly yours, R. H. Jesse. Clemens had not expected to make another trip to the West, but a proffered honor such as this from one's native state was not a thing to be declined. It was at the end of May when he arrived in St. Louis, and he was met at the train there by his old river instructor and friend Horace Bixby, as fresh, wiry, and capable as he had been forty-five years before. I have become an old man. You are still thirty-five, Clemens said. They went to the planters' hotel, and the news presently got around that Mark Twain was there. There followed a sort of reception in the hotel lobby after which Bixby took him across to the rooms of the Pilots' Association where the Rivermen gathered in force to celebrate his return. A few of his old comrades were still alive, among them Beck Jolly. The same afternoon he took the train for Hannibal. It was a busy five days that he had in Hannibal. High School Commencement Day came first. He attended, and willingly, or at least patiently, sat through the various recitals and orations and orchestrations, dreaming and remembering, no doubt, other High School Commencements of more than half a century before, seeing in some of those young people the boys and girls he had known in that vanished time. A few friends of his youth were still there, but they were among the audience now, and no longer fresh, and looking into the future. Their heads were white, and, like him, they were looking down the recorded years. Laura Hawkins was there, and Helen Kirchival, Mrs. Fraser and Mrs. Garth now, and there were others, but they were few and scattering. He was added to the programme, and he made himself as one of the graduates, and told them some things of the young people of that earlier time that brought their laughter and their tears. He was asked to distribute the diplomas, and he undertook the work in his own way. He took an armful of them, and said to the graduates, Take one! Pick out a good one! Don't take two! But be sure you get a good one! So each took one, unsight and unseen, and made the more exact distributions among themselves later. Next morning it was Saturday. He visited the old home on Hill Street, and stood in the doorway all dressed in white, while a battalion of photographers made pictures of this return of the native to the threshold of his youth. It all seems so small to me, he said as he looked through the house. A boy's home is a big place to him. I suppose if I should come back again ten years from now it would be the size of a bird house. He went through the rooms and upstairs, where he had slept, and looked out the window down in the backyard, where nearly sixty years before, Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, Joe Harper, and the rest, that is to say, Tom Blankenship, John Briggs, Will Pitts, and the Bowen Boys, set out on their nightly escapades. Of that lightsome band, Will Pitts and John Briggs still remained, with half a dozen others, schoolmates of the less adventurous sort. Buck Brown, who had been his rival in the spelling contest, was still there, and John Robards, who had worn golden curls and the medal for good conduct, and Ed Pierce. And while these were assembled in a little group on the pavement outside the home, a small old man came up and put out his hand, and it was Jimmy McDaniel, to whom so long before, sitting on the riverbank and eating gingerbread, he had first told the story of Jim Wolf and the cats. They put him into a carriage, drove him far and wide, and showed him the hills and resorts and rendezvous of Tom Sawyer and his marauding band. He was entertained that evening by the Labanah Club, whose name was achieved by a backward spelling of Hannibal, where he found most of the survivors of his youth. The news report of that occasion states that he was introduced by Father McLaughlin, and that he responded in a very humorous and touchingly pathetic way, breaking down in tears at the conclusion, commenting on his boyhood days, and referring to his mother was too much for the great humorist. Before him, as he spoke, were sitting seven of his boyhood friends. On Sunday morning Colonel John Robards escorted him to the various churches and Sunday schools. They were all new churches to Samuel Clemens, but he pretended not to recognize this fact. In each one he was asked to speak a few words, and he began by saying how good it was to be back in the old home Sunday school again, which as a boy he had always so loved, and he would go on and point out the very place he had sat, and his escort hardly knew whether or not to enjoy the proceedings. At one place he told a moral story. He said, Little boys and girls, I want to tell you a story which illustrates the value of perseverance of sticking to your work as it were. It is a story very proper for a Sunday school. When I was a little boy in Hannibal, I used to play a good deal up here on Holidays Hill, which of course you all know. John Briggs and I played up there. I don't suppose there are any little boys as good as we were then, but of course that is not to be expected. Little boys in those days were most always good little boys, because those were the good old times when everything was better than it is now. But never mind that. Well, once upon a time on Holidays Hill they were blasting out rock, and a man was drilling for a blast. He sat there and drilled and drilled and drilled perseveringly until he had a hold down deep enough for the blast. Then he put in the powder and tamped and tamped it down, and maybe he tamped it a little too hard, for the blast went off, and he went up into the air. And we watched him. He went up higher and higher and got smaller and smaller. First he looked as big as a child, then as big as a dog, then as big as a kitten, then as big as a bird, and finally he went out of sight. John Briggs was with me, and we watched the place where he went out of sight, and by and by we saw him coming down first as big as a bird, then as big as a kitten, then as big as a dog, then as big as a child, and then he was a man again, and landed right in his seat, and went to drilling, just persevering, you see, and sticking to his work. Little boys and girls, that's the secret of success, just like that poor but honest workman on Holidays Hill. Of course you won't always be appreciated. He wasn't. His employer was a hard man, and on Saturday night when he paid him, he docked him fifteen minutes for the time he was up in the air. But never mind, he had his reward. He told all this in his solemn grave way, though the Sunday School was in a storm of enjoyment when he finished. There still remains a doubt in Hannibal as to its perfect suitability, but there is no doubt as to its acceptability. That Sunday afternoon, with John Briggs, he walked over Holidays Hill, the Cardiff Hill of Tom Sawyer. It was just such a Sunday as that one when they had so nearly demolished the Negro driver and had damaged a Cooper shop. They calculated that nearly three thousand Sundays had passed since then, and now here they were once more, two old men with the hills still fresh and green, the river still sweeping by and rippling in the sun. Standing there together and looking across to the low-lying Illinois shore and to the green islands where they had played, and to Lovers Leap on the south, the man who had been Sam Clemens said, John, that is one of the loveliest sights I ever saw. Down there by the island is the place we used to swim, and yonder is where a man was drowned, and there's where the steamboat sank. Down there on Lovers Leap is where the millerites put on their robes one night to go to heaven. None of them went that night, but I suppose most of them have gone now. John Briggs said, Sam, do you remember the day we stole the peaches from Old Man Price, and one of his bow-legged niggers came after us with the dogs, and how we made up our minds that we'd catch that nigger and drown him? They came to the place where they had pried out the great rock that had so nearly brought them to grief. Sam Clemens said, John, if we had killed that man we'd have had a dead nigger on our hands without a scent to pay for him. And so they talked on of this thing and that, and by and by they drove along the river, and Sam Clemens pointed out the place where he swam it, and was taken with a cramp on the return swim, and believed for a while that his career was about to close. Once near the shore I thought I would let down, he said, but was afraid too, knowing that if the water was deep I was a goner. But finally my knees struck the sand and I crawled out. That was the closest call I ever had. They drove by the place where the haunted house had stood. They drank from a well they had always known, and from the bucket as they had always drunk, talking and always talking, fondling lovingly and lingeringly that most beautiful of all our possessions the past. Sam said, John, when they parted, this is probably the last time we shall meet on this earth. God bless you. Perhaps somewhere we shall renew our friendship. John, was the answer. This day has been worth thousands of dollars to me. We were like brothers once, and I feel that we are the same now. Good-bye, John. I'll try to meet you. Somewhere. End of Chapter Two Hundred and Twenty-One The Return of the Native Read by John Greenman Section Eleven of Mark Twain a Biography Part One, 1900 to 1907 This Libber Box recording is in the public domain. Mark Twain a Biography by Albert Bigelow Payne Chapter Two Hundred and Twenty-Two A Prophet Honored in His Country Clemens left next day for Columbia. Committees met him at Rensselaer, Monroe City, Clapper, Stouttsville, Paris, Madison, Moberly—at every station along the line of his travel. At each place crowds were gathered when the train pulled in to cheer and wave and to present him with flowers. Sometimes he spoke a few words, but oftener his eyes were full of tears, his voice would not come. There is something essentially dramatic in official recognition by one's native state, the return of the lad who has set out unknown to battle with life, and who, having conquered, is invited back to be crowned. No other honour, however great and spectacular, is quite like that, for there is in it a pathos and a completeness that are elemental and stir emotions, as old as life itself. It was on the Fourth of June 1902 that Mark Twain received his Doctor of Laws degree from the State University at Columbia, Missouri. James Wilson, Secretary of Agriculture, and Ethan Allen Hitchcock, Secretary of the Interior, were among those similarly honoured. Mark Twain was naturally the chief attraction. Dressed in his Yale scholastic gown, he led the procession of graduating students, and, as in Hannibal, awarded them their diplomas. The regular exercises were made purposely brief, in order that some time might be allowed for the conferring of the degrees. This ceremony was a peculiarly impressive one. Gardener Lathrop read a brief statement introducing America's foremost author and best-loved citizen, Samuel Langhorn Clemens, Mark Twain. Clemens Rose stepped out to the centre of the stage and paused. He seemed to be in doubt as to whether he should make a speech or simply express his thanks and retire. Suddenly, and without a signal, the great audience rose as one man and stood in silence at his feet. He bowed, but he could not speak. Then that vast assembly began a peculiar chant spelling out slowly the word Missouri, with a pause between each letter. It was dramatic. It was tremendous in its impressiveness. He had recovered himself when they finished. He said he didn't know whether he was expected to make a speech or not. They did not leave him in doubt. They cheered and demanded a speech. A speech! And he made them one. One of the speeches he could make best. Full of quaint phrasing, happy humour, gentle and dramatic pathos. He closed by telling the watermelon story for its moral effect. He was the guest of E. W. Stevens in Columbia, and a dinner was given in his honour. They would have liked to keep him longer, but he was due in St. Louis, again, to join in the dedication of the grounds where was to be held a World's Fair to celebrate the Louisiana Purchase. Another ceremony he attended was the christening of the St. Louis Harbour Boat, or rather the re-christening, for it had been decided to change its name from the St. Louis, originally the Elan G. Smith, built in 1873, to the Mark Twain. A short trip was made on it for the ceremony. Governor Francis and Mayor Wells were of the party, and Count and Countess Rochambeau and Marquis de Le Fayette, with the rest of the French group that had come over for the dedication of the World's Fair grounds. Mark Twain himself was invited to pilot the Harbour Boat, and so returned for the last time to his old place at the wheel. They all collected in the pilot house behind him, feeling that it was a memorable occasion. They were going along well enough when he saw a little ripple running out from the shore across the bow. In the old days he could have told whether it indicated a bar there or was only caused by the wind, but he could not be sure any more. Turning to the pilot languidly he said, I feel a little tired. I guess you had better take the wheel. Luncheon was served aboard, and Mayor Wells made the christening speech. Then the Countess Rochambeau took a bottle of champagne from the hand of Governor Francis and smashed it on the deck, saying, I christen thee, good boat, Mark Twain! So it was the Mississippi joined in according him honours. In his speech of reply he paid tribute to those illustrious visitors from France and recounted something of the story of French exploration along that great river. The name of La Salle will last as long as the river itself, he said. Will last until commerce is dead. We have allowed the commerce of the river to die, but it was to accommodate the railroads, and we must be grateful. Carriages were waiting for them when the boat landed in the afternoon, and the party got in and were driven to a house which had been identified as Eugene Field's birthplace. A bronze tablet recording this fact had been installed, and this was to be the unveiling. The place was not in an inviting quarter of the town. It stood in what is known as Walsh's Row, was fashionable enough once, perhaps, but long since fallen into disrepute. Ragged children played in the doorways, and thirsty lodgers were making trips with tin pales to convenient bar rooms. A curious, nondescript audience assembled around a little group of dedicators, wondering what it was all about. The tablet was concealed by the American flag, which could be easily pulled away by an attached cord. Governor Francis spoke a few words to the effect that they had gathered here to unveil a tablet to an American poet, and that it was fitting that Mark Twain should do this. They removed their hats, and Clemens, his white hair blowing in the wind, said, My friends, we are here with reverence and respect to commemorate and enshrine in memory. The house where was born a man who, by his life, made bright the lives of all who knew him, and by his literary efforts cheered the thoughts of thousands who never knew him. I take pleasure in unveiling the tablet of Eugene Field. The flag fell, and the bronze inscription was revealed. By this time the crowd generally had recognized who it was that was speaking. A working man proposed three cheers for Mark Twain, and they were heartily given. Then the little party drove away, while the neighborhood collected to regard the old house with a new interest. It was reported to Clemens later that there was some dispute as to the identity of the field birthplace. He said, Never mind. It is of no real consequence, whether it is his birthplace or not. A rose in any other garden will bloom as sweet. End of Chapter 222 A Prophet Honored in His Country Red by John Greenman Section 12 of Mark Twain A Biography Part 1 1900-1907 They decided to spend the summer at York Harbor, Maine. They engaged a cottage there, and about the end of June, Mr. Rogers brought his yacht, Kanawa, to their waterfront at Riverdale, and in perfect weather took them to Maine by sea. They landed at York Harbor and took possession of their cottage, the Pines, one of their many attractive summer lodges. Howells at Kittery Point was not far away, and everything promised a happy summer. Mrs. Clemens wrote to Mrs. Crane, We are in the midst of Pines. They come up right about us, and the house is so high, and the roots of the trees are so far below the veranda, that we are right in the branches. We drove over to call on Mr. and Mrs. Howells. The drive was most beautiful, and never in my life have I seen such a variety of wild flowers in so short a space. Howells tells us of the wide, low cottage in a pine grove overlooking York River, and how he used to sit with Clemens that summer at a corner of the veranda, farthest away from Mrs. Clemens' window, where they could read their manuscripts to each other, and tell their stories, and laugh their hearts out without disturbing her. Clemens, as was his habit, had taken a workroom in a separate cottage, in the house of a friend, and neighbor, a fisherman, and a boatman. There was a table where he could write, and a bed where he could lie down and read, and there, unless my memory has played me one of those constructive tricks that people's memories indulge in, he read me the first chapters of an admirable story. The scene was laid in a Missouri town, and the characters, such as he had known in boyhood, but often as I tried to make him own it, he denied having written any such story. It is possible that I dreamed it, but I hope the manuscript will yet be found. Howells did not dream it, but in one way his memory misled him. The story was one which Clemens had heard in Hannibal, and he doubtless related it in his vivid way. Howells, writing at a later time, quite naturally included it among the several manuscripts which Clemens read aloud to him. Clemens may have intended to write the tale, may even have begun it, though this is unlikely. The incidents were too well known and too notorious in his old home for fiction. Among the stories that Clemens did show, or read to Howells that summer, was the belated passport, a strong, intensely interesting story with what Howells in a letter calls a goat's tail ending, perhaps meaning that it stopped with a brief and sudden shake, with a joke in fact, altogether unimportant, and on the whole disappointing to the reader. A far more notable literary work of that summer grew out of a true incident which Howells related to Clemens as they sat chatting together on the veranda overlooking the river one summer afternoon. It was a pathetic episode in the life of some former occupants of the pines, the tale of a double illness in the household, where a righteous deception was carried on during several weeks for the benefit of a life that was about to slip away. Out of this grew the story, was it heaven or hell? A heartbreaking history which probes the very depths of the human soul. Next to Hadleyburg it is Mark Twain's greatest fictional sermon. Clemens that summer wrote, or rather finished, his most pretentious poem. One day at Riverdale, when Mrs. Clemens had been with him on the lawn, they had remembered together the time when their family of little folks had filled their lives so full, conjuring up dreamlike glimpses of them in the years of play and short frocks and hair-plates down their backs. It was pathetic, heart-ringing, fanciing. And later in the day Clemens conceived and began the poem which now he brought to conclusion. It was built on the idea of a mother who imagines her dead child still living, and describes to any listener the pictures of her fancy. It is an impressive piece of work, but the author for some reason did not offer it for publication. This poem was completed on the anniversary of Susie's death and is of considerable length. Some selections from it will be found under Appendix U at the end of this work. Mrs. Clemens, whose health earlier in the year had been delicate, became very seriously ill at York Harbor. Hals writes, At first she had been about the house and there was one gentle afternoon when she made tea for us in the parlor. But that was the last time I spoke with her. After that it was really a question of how soonest and easiest she could be got back to Riverdale. She had seemed to be in fairly good health and spirits for several weeks after the arrival at York. Then early in August there came a great celebration of some municipal anniversary, and for two or three days there were processions, mass meetings, and so on by day, with fireworks at night. Mrs. Clemens, always young in spirit, was greatly interested. She went about more than her strength warranted, seeing and hearing and enjoying all that was going on. She was finally persuaded to forego the remaining ceremonies and rest quietly on the pleasant veranda at home. But she had overtaxed herself, and a collapse was inevitable. Hals and two friends called one afternoon and a friend of the Queen of Romania, a Madame Hartwig, who had brought from that gracious sovereign a letter which closed in this simple and modest fashion. I beg your pardon for being a bore to one I so deeply love and admire, to whom I owe days and days of forgetfulness of self and troubles, and the intensest of all joys hero worship. People don't always realize what a happiness that is. God bless you for every beautiful thought you poured into my tired heart, and for every smile on a weary day. Carmen Silva This was the occasion mentioned by Hals when Mrs. Clemens made tea for them in the parlor for the last time. Her social life may be said to have ended that afternoon. Next morning the break came. Clemens, in his notebook for that day, writes, Tuesday, August 12, 1902. At 7 a.m., Livy, taken violently ill, telephoned, and Dr. Lambert was here in one half hour. She could not breathe, was likely to stifle. Also she had severe palpitation. She believed she was dying. I also believed it. Nurses were summoned and Mrs. Crane and others came from Elmira. Clara Clemens took charge of the household and matters generally, and the patient was secluded and guarded from every disturbing influence. Clemens slipped about with warnings of silence. A visitor found notices in Mark Twain's writing pinned to the trees near Mrs. Clemens' window, warning the birds not to sing too loudly. The patient rallied, but she remained very much debilitated. On September 3, the notebook says, Always Mr. Rogers keeps his yacht, Kanawa, in commission and ready to fly here and take us to Riverdale on telegraphic notice. But Mrs. Clemens was unable to return by sea, when it was decided, at last, in October that she could be removed to Riverdale, Clemens and Howells went to Boston and engaged an invalid car to make the journey from York Harbor to Riverdale without change. Howells tells us that Clemens gave his strictest personal attention to the arrangements of these details and that they absorbed him. There was no particular of the business which he did not scrutinize and master, with the inertness that grows upon an aging man he had been used to delegate more and more things. But of that thing I perceived that he would not delegate the least detail. They made the journey on the sixteenth in nine-and-a-half hours. With the exception of the natural weariness due to such a trip, the invalid was apparently no worse on their arrival. The stout English butler carried her to her room. It would be many months before she would leave it again. In one of his memoranda, Clemens wrote, Our dear prisoner is where she is through overwork, day and night devotion to the children and me. We did not know how to value it. We know now. And in a notation on a letter praising him for what he had done for the world's enjoyment and for his splendid triumph over debt, he said, Livy never gets her share of these applause, but it is because the people do not know. Yet she is entitled to the lion's share. He wrote Twitchell at the end of October, Livy drags along drearily. It must be hard times for that turbulent spirit. It will be a long time before she is on her feet again. It is a most pathetic case. I wish I could transfer it to myself. Between ripping and raging and smoking and reading, I could get a good deal of holiday out of it. Clara runs the house smoothly and capably. Heaviers was the cloud of illness. He could not help pestering Twitchell a little about a recent mishap, a sprained shoulder. I should like to know how and where it happened. In the pulpit, as like as not. Otherwise you would not be taking so much pains to conceal it. This is not a malicious suggestion and not a personally invented one. You told me yourself once that you threw artificial power and impressiveness in your sermons were needed by banging the Bible, your own words. You have reached a time of life when it is not wise to take these risks. You would better jump around. We all have to change our methods, as the infirmities of age creep upon us. Jumping around will be impressive now, whereas before you were gray, it would have excited remark. Mrs. Clemens seemed to improve as the weeks passed, and they had great hopes of her complete recovery. Clemens took up some work, a new Huck Finn story inspired by his trip to Hannibal. It was to have two parts, Huck and Tom in youth, and then their return in old age. He did some chapters quite in the old vein, and wrote to Howells of his plan. Howells answered, It is a great layout. What I shall enjoy most will be the return of the old fellows to the scene and their tall lying. There is a matchless chance there. I suppose you will put in plenty of pegs in this prefatory part. But the new story did not reach completion. Huck and Tom would not come back, even to go over the old scenes. It was on the evening of the 27th of November 1902 at the Metropolitan Club, New York City, that Colonel George Harvey, president of the Harper Company, gave Mark Twain a dinner in celebration of his 67th birthday. The actual date fell three days later, but that would bring it on Sunday, and to give it on Saturday night would be more than likely to carry it into Sabbath morning, and so the 27th was chosen. Colonel Harvey himself presided, and Howells led the speakers with a poem, a double-barreled sonnet to Mark Twain, which closed, Still to have everything beyond cavill right, we will dine with you here till Sunday night. Thomas Brackett Reed followed with what proved to be the last speech he would ever make, as it was also one of his best. All the speakers did well that night, and they included some of the country's foremost in oratory, Chauncey de Pew, St. Clair McElway, Hamilton Maybe, and Wayne McVeigh. Dr. Henry Van Dyke and John Kendrick Bang's red poems, the chairman constantly kept the occasion from becoming too serious by maintaining an attitude of thinking ambassador for the guest of the evening, gently pushing Clemens back in his seat when he attempted to rise, and expressing for him an opinion of each of the various tributes. The limit has been reached, he announced at the close of Dr. Van Dyke's poem, more that his better could not be said. Gentlemen, Mr. Clemens It is seldom that Mark Twain has made a better after-dinner speech than he delivered then, he was surrounded by some of the best minds of the nation men assembled to do him honor. They expected much of him, to Mark Twain always an inspiring circumstance. He was greeted with cheers and hand clapping that came volley after volley, and seemed never ready to end. When it had died away at last he stood waiting a little in the stillness for his voice. Then he said, I think I ought to be allowed to talk as long as I want to. And again the storm broke. It is a speech not easy to abridge, a finished and perfect piece of after-dinner eloquence. The sixty-seventh's birthday speech, entire, is included in the volume Mark Twain's speeches. Full of humorous stories and moving references to old friends, to hay and reed and twitchle and howls and rogers, the friends he had known so long and loved so well. He told of his recent trip to his boyhood home, and how he had stood with John Briggs on Holiday's Hill, and they had pointed out the haunts of their youth. Then, at the end, he paid a tribute to the companion of his home, who could not be there to share his evening's triumph. This peroration, a beautiful heart offering to her, and to those that had shared in long friendship, demands admission. Now, there is one invisible guest here. A part of me is not present. The larger part, the better part, is Yonder at her home. That is my wife. And she has a good many personal friends here, and I think it won't distress any one of them to know that, although she is going to be confined to her bed for many months to come from that nervous prostration, there is not any danger, and she is coming along very well. And I think it quite appropriate that I should speak of her. I knew her for the first time just in the same year that I first knew John Hay and Tom Reed and Mr. Twitchell thirty-six years ago, and she has been the best friend I have ever had, and that is saying a good deal. She has reared me, she and Twitchell together, and what I am, I owe to them. Twitchell, why, it is such a pleasure to look upon Twitchell's face. For five and twenty years I was under the reverend Mr. Twitchell's tuition. I was in his pastorate, occupying a pew in his church, and held him in due reverence. That man is full of all the graces that go to make a person companionable and beloved. And wherever Twitchell goes to start a church, the people flock there to buy the land. They find real estate goes up all around the spot, and the envious and the thoughtful always try to get Twitchell to move to their neighborhood and start a church. And wherever you see him go, you can go and buy land there with confidence, feeling sure that there will be a double price for you before very long. I have tried to do good in this world, and it is marvelous in how many different ways I have done good, and it is comfortable to reflect. Now there's Mr. Rogers, just out of the affection I bear, that man many a time. I have given him points in finance that he had never thought of. And if he could lay aside envy, prejudice, and superstition, and utilize those ideas in his business, it would make a difference in his bank account. Well, I liked the poetry. I liked all the speeches and the poetry too. I liked Dr. Van Dyke's poem. I wish I could return thanks in proper measure to you gentlemen who have spoken and violated your feelings to pay me compliments. Some were merited and some, you overlooked, it is true, and Colonel Harvey did slander every one of you and put things into my mouth that I never said, never thought of at all. And now my wife and I, out of our single heart, return you our deepest and most grateful thanks. And yesterday was her birthday. The sixty-seventh birthday dinner was widely celebrated by the press, and newspaper men generally took occasion to pay brilliant compliments to Mark Twain. Arthur Brisbane, wrote editorially, for more than a generation he has been the Messiah of a genuine gladness and joy to the millions of three continents. It was little more than a week later that one of the old friends he had mentioned, Thomas Brackett Reed, apparently well and strong that birthday evening, passed from the things of this world. Clemens felt his death keenly, and in a good buy, which he wrote for Harper's Weekly, he said, His was a nature which invited affection, compelled it, in fact, and met it half way. Hence he was Tom, to the most of his friends and to half of the nation. I cannot remember back to a time when he was not Tom Reed to me, nor to a time when he could have been offended at being so addressed by me. I cannot remember back to a time when I could let him alone in an after-dinner speech, if he was present, nor to a time when he did not take my extravagance concerning him, and misstatements about him in good part, nor yet to a time when he did not pay them back with usury when his turn came. The last speech he made was at my birthday dinner at the end of November, when naturally I was his text. My last word to him was in a letter the next day, a day later I was illustrating a fantastic article on art with his portrait among others, a portrait now to be laid reverently away among the jests that begin in humor and end in pathos. These things happened only eight days ago, and now he is gone from us, and the nation is speaking of him as one who was. It seems incredible, impossible. Such a man, such a friend, seems to us a permanent possession. His vanishing from our midst is unthinkable, as was the vanishing of the campanile that had stood for a thousand years and was turned to dust in a moment. The appreciation closes, I have only wished to say how fine and beautiful was his life and character, and to take him by the hand and say good-bye as to a fortunate friend who has done well his work and goes a pleasant journey. THE NORTH AMERICAN REVIEW FOR DECEMBER 1902 THE NORTH AMERICAN REVIEW FOR DECEMBER 1902 He had renewed his interest in the doctrine, and his admiration for Mrs. Eddy's peculiar abilities and his antagonism toward her had augmented in the meantime. Howells refers to the mighty moment when Clemens was building his engines of war for the destruction of Christian science, which superstition, nobody, and he least of all, expected to destroy. He believed that as a religious machine the Christian science church was as perfect as the Roman church, and destined to be more formidable in its control of the minds of men. An interesting phase of his psychology in this business was not only his admiration for the masterly policy of the Christian science hierarchy, but his willingness to allow the miracles of its healers to be tried on his friends and family if they wished it. He had a tender heart for the whole generation of empirics, as well as the newer sorts of scientificians, but he seemed to base his faith in them largely upon the failure of the regulars, rather than upon their own successes, which also he believed in. He was reluctantly, but not insistently, desirous that you should try their strange magics when you were going to try the familiar medicines. Clemens never had any quarrel with the theory of Christian science or mental healing, or with any of the empiric practices. He acknowledged good in all of them, and he welcomed most of them in preference to materia medica. It is true that his animosity for the founder of the Christian science cult sometimes seems to lap over and fringe the religion itself, but this is apparent rather than real. Furthermore, he frequently expressed a deep obligation which humanity owed to the founder of the faith in that she had organized a healing element ignorantly and indifferently employed hitherto. His quarrel with Mrs. Eddy lay in the belief that she herself, as he expressed it, was a very unsound Christian scientist. I believe she has a serious malady, self-edification, and that it will be well to have one of the experts demonstrate over her. But he added, closely examined, painstakingly studied, she is easily the most interesting person on the planet, and in several ways as easily the most extraordinary woman that was ever born upon it. Necessarily the forces of Christian science were aroused by these articles, and there were various replies, among them one by the founder herself, a moderate rejoinder in her usual literary form. Mrs. Eddy, in error, in the North American review for April 1903, completed what Clemens had to say on the matter for this time. He was putting together a book on the subject comprised of his various published papers and some added chapters. It would not be a large volume, and he offered to let his Christian science opponents share it with him, stating their side of the case. Mr. William D. McCracken, one of the church's chief advocates, was among those invited to participate. McCracken and Clemens, from having begun as enemies, had become quite friendly, and had discussed their differences face to face at considerable length. Early in the controversy Clemens one night wrote McCracken a pretty savage letter. He threw it on the hall table for mailing, but later got out of bed and slipped downstairs to get it. It was too late. The letters had been gathered up and mailed. Next evening a truly Christian note came from McCracken, returning the hasty letter, which he said he was sure the writer would wish to recall. Their friendship began there. For some reason however the collaborated volume did not materialize. In the end publication was delayed a number of years, by which time Clemens's active interest was a good deal modified, though the practice itself never failed to invite his attention. Howells refers to his anti-Christian science rages, which began with the postponement of the book, and these Clemens vented at the time in another manuscript entitled Edipus, an imaginary history of a thousand years hence when Edieism should rule the world. By that day its founder would have become a deity, and the calendar would be changed to accord with her birth. It was not publishable matter, and really never intended as such. It was just one of the things which Mark Twain wrote to relieve mental pressure. End of Chapter 225 Christian Science Controversies Read by John Greenman Section 15 of Mark Twain A Biography Part 1 1900-1907 This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Mark Twain A Biography By Albert Bigelow Payne Chapter 226 Was it Heaven or Hell? The Christmas number of Harper's Magazine for 1902 contained the story, Was it Heaven or Hell? and it immediately brought a flood of letters to its author from grateful readers on both sides of the ocean. An Englishman wrote, I want to thank you for writing so pathetic and so profoundly true a story. And an American declared it to be the best short story ever written. Another letter said, I have learned to love those maiden liars. Love and weep over them. Then put them beside Dante's Beatrice in Paradise. There were plenty of such letters, but there was one of a different sort. It was a letter from a man who had but recently gone through almost precisely the experience narrated in the tale. His dead daughter had even borne the same name, Helen. She had died of typhus while her mother was prostrated with the same malady, and the deception had been maintained in precisely the same way, even to the fictitiously written letters. Clemens replied to this letter, acknowledging the striking nature of the coincidence it related, and added that, had he invented the story, he would have believed it a case of mental telegraphy. I was merely telling a true story, just as it had been told to me by one who well knew the mother and the daughter, and all the beautiful and pathetic details. I was living in the house where it had happened, three years before, and I put it on paper at once, while it was fresh in my mind, and its pathos still straining at my heartstrings. Clemens did not guess that the coincidences were not yet complete, that within a month the drama of the tale would be enacted in his own home. In his notebook under the date of December 24, 1902, he wrote, Jean was hit with a chill. Clara was completing her watch in her mother's room, and there was no one able to force Jean to go to bed. As a result, she is pretty ill today, fever and high temperature. Three days later he added, It was pneumonia. For five days Jean's temperature ranged between 103 and 104 and two-fifths till this morning when it got down to 101. She looks like an escaped survivor of a forest fire. For six days now, my story in the Christmas harpers, was at heaven or hell, has been enacted in this household. Every day Clara and the nurses have lied about Jean to her mother, describing the fine times she is having outdoors in the winter sports. That proved a hard, trying winter in the Clemens' home, and the burden of it fell chiefly indeed almost entirely upon Clara, Clemens. Mrs. Clemens became still more frail, and no other member of the family, not even her husband, was allowed to see her for longer than the briefest interval. Yet the patient was all the more anxious to know the news, and daily it had to be prepared, chiefly invented, for her comfort. In an account which Clemens once sat down of the siege and season of unveracity, as he called it, he said, Clara stood a daily watch of three or four hours, and hers was a hard office indeed. Daily she sealed up in her heart a dozen dangerous truths, and thus saved her mother's life and hope and happiness with holy lies. She had never told her mother a lie in her life before, and I may almost say that she never told her a truth afterward. It was fortunate for us all that Clara's reputation for truthfulness was so well established in her mother's mind. It was our daily protection from disaster. The mother never doubted Clara's word. Clara could tell her large improbabilities without exciting any suspicion. Whereas if I tried to mark it even a small and simple one, the case would have been different. I was never able to get a reputation like Clara's. Mrs. Clemens questioned Clara every day concerning Jean's health, spirits, clothes, employments, and amusements, and how she was enjoying herself. And Clara furnished the information right along in minute detail every word of it false, of course. Every day she had to tell how Jean dressed, and in time she got so tired of using Jean's existing clothes over and over again, and trying to get new effects out of them, that finally as a relief to her hard-worked invention she got to adding imaginary clothes to Jean's wardrobe, and probably would have doubled it and troubled it if a warning note in her mother's comments had not admonished her that she was spending more money on these spectral gowns and things than the family income justified. Some portions of detailed accounts of Clara's busy days of this period, as written at the time by Clemens to Twitchell and to Mrs. Crane, are eminently worth preserving—to Mrs. Crane. Clara does not go to her Monday lesson in New York today, her mother having seemed not so well through the night, but forgets that fact and enters her mother's room, where she has no business to be, toward train-time, dressed in a wrapper. Livy, why, Clara, aren't you going to your lesson? Clara almost caught, yes. Livy, in that costume? Clara, oh no, Livy. Well, you can't make your train, it's impossible. Clara, I know, but I'm going to take the other one. Livy, indeed that won't do. You'll be ever so much too late for your lesson. Clara, no, the lesson time has been put an hour later. Livy, satisfied then suddenly, but Clara, that train and the late lesson together will make you late to Mrs. Hapgood's luncheon. Clara, no, the train leaves fifteen minutes earlier than it used to. Livy, satisfied, tell Mrs. Hapgood, etc., etc., etc., which Clara promises to do. Clara, dear, after the luncheon, I hate to put this on you, but could you do two or three little shopping errands for me? Clara, oh, it won't trouble me a bit, I can do it. It takes a list of the things she is to buy, a list which she will presently hand to another. At three or four p.m. Clara takes the things brought from New York, studies over her part a little, then goes to her mother's room. Livy, it's very good of you, dear. Of course, if I had known it was going to be so snowy and drizzly and sloppy, I wouldn't have asked you to buy them. Did you get wet? Clara, oh, nothing to hurt. Livy, you took a cab both ways? Clara, not from the station to the lesson. The weather was good enough till that was over. Livy, well now, tell me everything Mrs. Hapgood said. Clara tells her a long yarn, avoiding novelties and surprises and anything likely to inspire questions difficult to answer, and, of course, detailing the menu, for if it had been the feeding of the five thousand, Livy would have insisted on knowing what kind of bread it was and how the fishes were served. Buy and buy while talking of something else. Livy, clams, in the end of December, are you sure it was clams? Clara, I didn't say—I meant blue-points, Livy tranquilized. It seemed odd. What is Jean doing? Clara, she said she was going to do a little typewriting. Livy, has she been out today? Clara, only a moment, right after luncheon. She was determined to go out again, but—Livy, how did you know she was out? Clara, saving herself in time, Katie told me she was determined to go out again in the rain and snow, but I persuaded her to stay in. Livy, with moving and grateful admiration, Clara, you are wonderful. The wise watch you keep over Jean, and the influence you have over her, it's so lovely of you, and I tied here and can't take care of her myself. And she goes on with these undeserved praises till Clara is expiring with shame. To Twitchell, I am to see Livy a moment every afternoon until she has another bad night. And I stand in dread, for with all my practice I realize that, in a sudden emergency, I am but a poor clumsy liar, whereas a fine, alert, and capable emergency liar is the only sort that is worth anything in a sick chamber. Now, Joe, just see what reputation can do. All Clara's life, she has told Livy the truth, and now the reward comes. Clara lies to her three and a half hours every day, and Livy takes it all at par. Whereas even when I tell her a truth, it isn't worth much without corroboration. Soon my brief visit is due. I've just been up listening at Livy's door. Five p.m., a great disappointment. I was sitting outside Livy's door waiting. Clara came out a minute ago and said, Livy is not so well, and the nurse can't let me see her today. That pathetic drama was to continue in some degree for many a long month. All that winter and spring Mrs. Clemens kept but a frail hold on life. Clemens wrote little, and refused invitations everywhere he could. He spent his time largely in waiting for the two-minute period each day when he could stand at the bedfoot and say a few words to the invalid, and he confined his writing mainly to the comforting, affectionate messages which he was allowed to push under her door. He was always waiting there long before the moment he was permitted to enter. Her illness and her helplessness made manifest what Howells has fittingly characterized as his beautiful and tender loyalty to her, which was the most moving quality of his most faithful soul. Most of Mark Twain's stories have been dramatized at one time or another, and with more or less success. He had two plays going that winter, one of them The Little Death Disc, which, in story form, had appeared a year before in Harper's Magazine. It was put on at the Carnegie Lyceum with considerable effect, but it was not of sufficient importance to warrant a long continuance. Another play of that year was A Dramatization of Huckleberry Finn by Lee Arthur. This was played with a good deal of success in Baltimore, Philadelphia, and elsewhere—the receipts ranging from three hundred to twenty-one hundred dollars per night, according to their weather and locality. Why the play was discontinued is not altogether apparent. Certainly many a dramatic enterprise has gone further, faring worse. Huck, in book form, also had been having adventures a little earlier, in being tabooed on account of his morals by certain librarians of Denver and Omaha. It was years since Huck had been in trouble of that sort, and he acquired a good deal of newspaper notoriety and consequence. Certain entries in Mark Twain's notebook reveal somewhat of his life and thought at this period we find such entries as this. Saturday, January 3, 1903. The offspring of riches. Pride. Vanity. Ostentation. Arrogance. Tyranny. Sunday, January 4, 1903. The offspring of poverty. Greed. Sordidness. Envy. Hate. Malice. Cruelty. Meanness. Lying. Shirking. Cheating. Stealing. Murder. Monday, February 2, 1903. 33rd wedding anniversary. I was allowed to see Livy five minutes this morning, in honor of the day. She makes but little progress toward recovery. Still there is certainly some, we are sure. Sunday, March 1, 1903. We may not doubt that society in heaven consists mainly of undesirable persons. Thursday, March 19, 1903. Suzy's birthday. She would be 31 now. The family illnesses which presently included an allotment for himself, his old bronchitis, made him rage more than ever at the imperfections of the species which could be subject to such a variety of ills. Once he wrote, Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. And again, Adam, man's benefactor, he gave him all that he has ever received that was worth having. Death. The Riverdale home was in reality a little more than a hospital that spring. Jean had scarcely recovered her physical strength when she was attacked by measles, and Clara also fell a victim to the infection. Fortunately Mrs. Clemens' health had somewhat improved. It was during this period that Clemens formulated his eclectic therapeutic doctrine. Writing to Twitchell, April 4, 1903, he said, Livy does make a little progress, these past three or four days, progress which is visible to even the untrained eye. The physicians are doing good work for her. But my notion is that no art of healing is the best for all ills. I should distribute the ailments around. Surgery cases to the surgeon, lupus to the actinic ray specialist, nervous prostration to the Christian scientist, most ills to the allopath and the homeopath. And, in my own particular case, rheumatism, gout, and bronchial attack to the osteopathist. He had plenty of time to think and to read during those weeks of confinement, and to rage and to write when he felt the need of that expression, though he appears to have completed not much for print beyond his reply to Mrs. Eddie already mentioned, and his burlesque, instructions in art, with pictures by himself published in the Metropolitan for April and May. Howells called his attention to some military outrages in the Philippines, citing a case where a certain lieutenant had tortured one of his men, a mild offender, to death out of pure devilry, and had been tried but not punished for his fiendish crime. The torture to death of Private Edward C. Richter, an American soldier, by orders of a commissioned officer of the United States Army on the night of February 7, 1902. Private Richter was bound and gagged, and the gagged held in his mouth by means of a club while ice water was slowly poured into his face, a dipper full at a time, for two and a half hours, until life became extinct. Clemens undertook to give expression to his feelings on this subject, but he boiled so when he touched pen to paper to write of it, that it was simply impossible for him to say anything within the bounds of print. Then his only relief was to rise and walk the floor, and curse out his fury at the race that had produced such a specimen. Mrs. Clemens, who perhaps got some drift or the echo of these tempests, now and then sent him a little admonitory affectionate note. Among the books that Clemens read, or tried to read, during his confinement, were a certain of the novels of Sir Walter Scott. He had never been able to admire Scott, and determined now to try to understand this author's popularity and his standing with the critics. But after wading through the first volume of one novel and beginning another one, he concluded to apply to one who could speak as having authority. He wrote to Brander Matthews, Dear Brander, I haven't been out of my bed for four weeks, but, well, I have been reading a good deal, and it occurs to me to ask you to sit down, some time or other, when you have eight or nine months to spare, and jot me down a certain few literary particulars for my help and elevation. Your time need not be thrown away, for at your further leisure you can make Colombian lectures out of the results, and do your students a good turn. 1. Are there, in Sir Walter's novels, passages done in good English, English which is neither slovenly nor involved? 2. Are there passages whose English is not poor and thin and common place, but is of a quality above that? 3. Are there passages which burn with real fire, not punk, Foxfire make believe? 4. Has he heroes and heroines who are not cads and cadices? 5. Has he personages whose acts and talk correspond with their characters as described by him? 6. Has he heroes and heroines whom the reader admires, admires and knows why? 7. Has he funny characters that are funny and humorous passages that are humorous? 8. Does he ever chain the reader's interest and make him reluctant to lay the book down? 9. Are there pages where he ceases from posing, ceases from admiring the placid flood and flow of his own delusion, ceases from being artificial and is, for a time, long or short, recognizably sincere and in earnest? 10. Did he know how to write English and didn't do it because he didn't want to? 11. Did he use the right word only when he couldn't think of another one, or did he run so much to wrong words because he didn't know the right one when he saw it? 12. Can you read him and keep your respect for him? Of course a person could in his day an era of sentimentality and sloppy romantics, but land can a body do it today? 13. Brander, I lie here dying, slowly dying, under the blight of Sir Walter. I have read the first volume of Rob Roy, and as far as Chapter 19 of Guy Manoring, and I can no longer hold my head up or take my nourishment. Lord, it's all so juvenile, so artificial, so shoddy, and such wax figures and skeletons and spectres. Interest? Why, it is impossible to feel an interest in these bloodless shams, these milk and water humbugs, and oh, the poverty of invention. Not poverty in inventing situations, but poverty in furnishing reasons for them. Sir Walter usually gives himself away when he arranges for a situation, elaborates and elaborates and elaborates till, if you live to get to it, you don't believe in it when it happens. I can't find the rest of Rob Roy. I can't stand any more Manoring. I do not know just what to do, but I will reflect and not quit this great study rashly. My, I wish I could see you and Lee Hunt. Sincerely yours, S. L. Clemens. But a few days later he experienced a revelation. It came when he perseveringly attacked still a third work of Scott, Quentin Derwood. Hastily he wrote to Matthews again. I'm still in bed. But the days have lost their dullness, since I broke into Sir Walter and lost my temper. I finished Guy Manoring, that curious, curious book, with its mob of squalid shadows gibbering around, a single flesh and blood being, Dinmont, a book crazily put together out of the very refuse of the romance artist's stage properties, finished it, and took up Quentin Derwood, and finished that. It was like leaving the dead till mingle with the living. It was like withdrawing from the infant class in the College of Journalism to sit under the Lectures in English Literature in Columbia University. I wonder who wrote Quentin Derwood? This letter, enveloped, addressed and stamped, was evidently mislaid. It was found and mailed seven years later, June 1910. Message from the Dead. Among other books which he read that winter and spring was Helen Keller's The Story of My Life, then recently published, that he finished it in a mood of sweet gentleness we gather from a long lovely letter which he wrote her, a letter in which he said, I am charmed with your book, enchanted. You are a wonderful creature, the most wonderful in the world. You and your other half together, Miss Sullivan, I mean. For it took the pair of you to make a complete and perfect whole. How she stands out in her letters, her brilliancy, penetration, originality, wisdom, character, and the fine literary competencies of her pen. They are all there. When reading and writing failed as diversion, Mark Twain often turned to mathematics. With no special talent for accuracy in the matter of figures he had a curious fondness for calculations, scientific and financial, and he used to cover pages, ciphering at one thing and another, arriving pretty inevitably at the wrong results. When the problem was financial, and had to do with his own fortunes, his figures were as likely as not to leave him in a state of panic. The expenditures were naturally heavy that spring, and one night, when he had nothing better to do, he figured the relative proportions to his income. The result showed that they were headed straight for financial ruin. He put in the rest of the night fearfully rolling and tossing and reconstructing his figures that grew always worse, and next morning summoned Jean and Clara and petrified them with the announcement that the cost of living was one hundred and twenty-five percent more than the money supply. Writing to McAllister three days later he said, It was a mistake. When I came down in the morning, a gray and aged wreck, I found that in some unaccountable way, unaccountable to a businessman but not to me, I had multiplied the totals by two. By God I dropped seventy-five years on the floor where I stood. Do you know it affected me as one is affected when one wakes out of a hideous dream and finds it was only a dream? It was a great comfort and satisfaction to me to call the daughters to a private meeting of the board again. Certainly there is a blistering and awful reality about a well-arranged unreality. It is quite within the possibilities that two or three nights like that of mine would drive a man to suicide. He would refuse to examine the figures. They would revolt him so, and he would go to his death unaware that there was nothing serious about them. I cannot get that night out of my head. It was so vivid, so real, so ghastly. In any other year of these thirty-three, the relief would have been simple. Go where you can. Cut your cloth to fit your income. You can't do that when your wife can't be moved, even from one room to the next. The doctor and a specialist met in conspiracy five days ago, and in their belief she will by and by come out of this as good as new, substantially. They ordered her to Italy for next winter, which seems to indicate that by autumn she will be able to undertake the voyage. So Clara is writing to a Florence friend to take a look around among the villas for us in the regions near that city. End of chapter 227, The Second Riverdale Winter, read by John Greenman.