 We've been eating well lately with some solid video game movies. Sonic, Mario. It's not a long list. One film that certainly won't be added to the register is Street Fighter the Movie. A film so bad, not even the legendary Jean-Claude Van Damme could save this pile of crap. Sonic Boom? More like Sonic Boo. Let's roast this trash. The producer on this roast is Kyle Nelson. He paid me cold, hard cash money to roast this thing and roast I shall. Thank you, Kyle. Let's press start because video games. I'm gonna open with a positive, which I think is nice. I like how the universal logo transitions into the Street Fighter crest, the emblem if you will. And it got me thinking, you know, maybe this movie isn't so bad after, oh, oh. We have a major exposition dump to start things off on the wrong foot. Chun Li, a tiny reporter, as she's of course well known to be in the video games, dear God, where the hell was I? Oh yeah, she's explaining that M. Bison is an evil dictator. Yes. And he's captured 63 Allied nation relief workers, put him up for ransom and he's requesting the government pays him $20 billion. That is such a dumb amount to cash. What the fuck? So really Dr. Evil shit going on right now. After he snaps a few necks for good measure, he sees a soldier on TV named Gile, played by Jean-Claude Van Damme. And Colonel Gile has a couple of choice words to say to Bison in the form of an arm flex. Which as we know, is one of the biggest insults you can ever give someone. Bison demands the satellites cut the broadcast because he controls that stuff. He made a lot of money selling drugs, so much so that he has a ton of people working for him, giant warehouse full of weaponry. He's got a laboratory. He's on a secret remote island. This stuff's not cheap. That $20 billion is gonna go a long way. Also begs the question, does he even need the money? Perhaps he got a loan. I don't know who he's paying back. Ehanda's seen working out of a van as a technician. Of course, staple Ehanda. And the legendary boxer Balrog, he's the cameraman for Chun-Li. This is so true to the game already. It's hard to believe anybody can't love this film. It's hard to fathom. I think this is cammy. I don't know what she's doing here, but I'm into it. Bison has another meet and greet with Gael, gives him three days to turn over the $20 billion, where he's gonna turn the next snapping up to 11. Pathetic. Keep in mind, Bison has already killed several soldiers in what appears to be the span of 10 minutes, time it would take you to finish a cup of coffee. I can't imagine these 65 soldiers are gonna even last through the night at the rate he's snapping next. Arsenial Hall leads the men in a chant for some reason while Gael yells to his friend, Charlie, we're coming. We're coming. Charlie, we're coming. Charlie, we're gonna come so hard for you. Charlie, we're coming, Charlie. Charlie, hang on, buddy. We're coming. Phrasing's not great. Upon hearing Gael talk to his best friend, Bison's like, wow, this guy's a colonel. What a dipshit. You never give away your allies. Let's take this guy, let's torture him. That's all they do. They take Charlie, AKA Blanca. Another character from the game. Let's put up a photo. Oh God, oh my, oh my God, yikes. Anyway, it was nice of Gael to throw his front end of the bus. I'm sure this is gonna work out well for all parties by the end. We transition seamlessly to an underground cage match. We get introduced to two more characters who I really hope aren't supposed to be Ken and Ryu. It's Ken and Ryu. Inside note, they say Ryu in this movie. Some say Ryu, some say Ryu. I don't actually know the proper pronunciation, the true version of the character. So I'm gonna say every kind of flavor under the sun. You're gonna hear Ryu, you're gonna hear Ryu. You're gonna hear just random stuff come out of my mouth. And that's the reference I'm doing for the character. Let's keep going. These two are up to no good. They're selling guns to Sagat for 100,000 cash money. Not a great plan, hiding the weapons from Sagat. His men already found him, so he doesn't owe these two dipshits anything, except for maybe some bullets to the face. Good thing Ken and Kangaroo sold them toy guns. Oh, what? How? What? There's so many logistical issues I have with this. Where did they manufacture these weapons? Why do they look so real? Did they have them preloaded with Nerf bullets? Why didn't Sagat's men check the guns or even like notice that they weigh a lot less? Ken and Ryu wanna get $100,000 for all these weapons that they must have paid a pretty penny to get made in the first place. Like where did they even get these guns from? Did they ran Sagat toys or us? We have to press on, I could be here all day. It is unclear though how they got the weapons. It's even more unclear how this film was greenlit to begin with. After a riveting fight, they're held at gunpoint by I guess real guns? It's hard to know. I'm not 100% convinced these things aren't just gonna fire out silly string. At a 90's Nickelodeon TV set laboratory, Bison checks in on his new experiment. It appears Charlie has been turned into a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Sagat is making Ryu fight his prized fighter. Vega. The two men, now shirtless, wait for the bell to ring. One of two things is gonna happen right now. They're either gonna tear each other to pieces or they're gonna passionately make love. It's hard to tell based on the expressions that everyone is giving. Unfortunately, we'll never know the answer because at this point, Gile blows through a fucking wall in a tank. Doesn't really seem preoccupied by the fact that there could be kids on the other side of this or innocent bystanders or, I know it's a sketchy situation but he doesn't know what's on the other side of that wall. He obviously doesn't care either. He then announces this. You're all under arrest. It's perfect. During a team meeting, the chef from Dumb and Dumber attacks Gile. Luckily, Jean-Claude Van Damme is up on his karate kid and he sweeps the leg. Cammie aggressively rips this dude's shirt open and points out a magic marker tattoo he has. This matches the very same stick-on tattoo that Sagat is rocking. A prison fight breaks out. Vega takes the time to make a bamboo version of his Wolverine claw. Hilarious. It breaks instantly. He doesn't get to use it. This took him hours, possibly weeks to come up with the materials and to fashion it together. This poor son of a bitch. What was it worth? What did it cost? Everything. Back at the lab, Charlie now appears to be turning into Captain America. His muscle mass has increased by 50%. I want to shout out to the design department for their stellar work on the graphics here. We would have got a guy sitting down in a chair. What's that telling us? What are the readings it's getting out of that? Gile blows a kiss, waves goodbye to Sagat and his men as they get transferred. He also hits him with a brand new catchphrase he's trying out. I'm the Ripple Man and you're out of business. It's not great. We're now treated to a plot point so loony-tuned stupid I really don't even know how to put it into words. I'll try my best. Gile convinces Ryu and Ken to change their corrupt ways. He does this by secretly taking them out of prison and down the road to a refugee camp for the afternoon, just a nice little afternoon adventure. Maybe while they're there, they can toss some paper towels, see how it feels. Felt good apparently. This leads to a prison break where they injure several guards and free Sagat and his men. Ken then confiscates a prop gun from one of the soldiers, tosses him aside and shoots Colonel Gile several times in the chest. Thinking fast, Chunli does the most pointless somersault I've ever seen in my life. Planting a homing device on the side of the truck. Kami runs to Gile's aid worried he might be dead and starts shouting medics. Not taking a second to look right next to her where the medics are currently standing. They shove her ass out of the way so they can actually work on the poor bastard. Keep in mind we don't know at this point that Gile is faking his death although it is very obviously the case. And bison monologues to DJ Zangief and some others. About his super soldier program and his plans to reshape the world anew. A world he lovingly calls bisonopolis. Can't make this up. This movie's a 10 out of 10 so far. Manu from Necessary Roffiness gives Chunli his best as she slips into a ninja outfit. She pounces like a cat woman. Following the tracking device to a morgue where there's a very much still alive and not dead, Gile waiting for her. What? Who up until that point was playing dead the entire time underneath the sheets. What was he doing though? Was he just laying there stiff as a board? Did he have a Game Boy in his pocket or is he just happy to see Chunli? What was the actual plan here? Did he really think Chunli was gonna find him and he was just waiting for his aha moment? Unfortunately none of these questions will be answered. What's more amazing is Chunli isn't phased by any of this. In fact, she thought it was pretty par for the course. Yeah, obviously that's what you did, Gile. It all lines up. You hire two strangers who you convince to become good. You have them lead a riot, beat up several troops, take a gun, pretend to shoot you with the prop, leave you for dead in the middle of the public eye, let them become moles and infiltrate Mbison's group while you play dead on the ground hoping that an EMT won't do their job and actually check your vitals. You will then go to a nearby morgue where you will patiently wait dormant for Chunli to show up. It was almost too easy. It's also too predictable and Chunli's not coming from a mile away and so he has her arrested. She gets away right away, kind of a useless scene. One of the soldiers though gets one of the greatest lines of the film. What a screw up. That's the best they could come up with. That's right up there with what a doodoo head or, hey, I don't like you. It's on par. In Camel Country, Bison and his crew are watching an impossible magic act where a young woman is placed inside of an orange barrel and she's just tossed around the room until this happens. Wait, don't, there's someone in there. There's a woman in, oh my, wait, huh? How did she get up there? What kind of fucked up black magic is this? You wizard, you sorceress. I don't know how you could possibly do this without the trickery of editing. The only person on the history of the planet that could solve this is Chunli and she's off gallivanting around town with Gael so she can't explain it. The hot, mysterious magician makes googly eyes with Ken. He's in pursuit, it doesn't take much. The Street Fighter Alpha male follows her into her private tent. Looks like Ryu wants to be a Street Fighter Alpha too. Meanwhile, Sega delivers and bison some weaponry in exchange for bison bucks. Now I'm unclear as to the value of these when compared to something like a shrewd buck or a Stanley Nickel, but bison assures us they're worth a pretty penny. Back in the tent, that smokin' hot mystery woman is Chunli? What? She was the magician's assistant the whole time? This shit is bananas, Gwen Stefani. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. I'm just gonna ask, why isn't she wearing the trademark blue that she always wears in the games? We had one job, movie. Chunli phones into the bad guy hangout, acting all boss bitch-like. She and her team manage to seal bison's new weapons, put him inside of a truck, rig it to explode, and they broadcast that whole thing right into the hideout. The power of 90s technology is truly stunning. And that's gonna be game over, bison. You piece of shit. Oh my God, he captured them? When? How? Chunli spits on Ryu. That's testing for all truth. And now it's the only way I can achieve climax. Guile holds a meeting with his ragtag crew about how he's going to have one singular boat drive into this compound. It's the perfect plan. Presumably he's doing this because that's all the film has budget for, but I also think this guy's a man of many talents. I'm hoping that what he does is he drives the boat in, has it blow up, and then he's just gonna play dead on the side of the beach. Hoping that bison's team will take his body, bring him into the middle of the compound. He'll wait there for seven days, wake up on the eighth, and then just kill everyone in the room. Xangief gets the boys some new garments so they can look more like bison troops, and closer to their video game counterparts, finally. The comparison to their video game character has now increased by 10%, which brings the grand total to 10%. Mr. Peabody wants to go ahead and pay that $20 billion ransom. Guile does not agree, and so he lays his ass out. He fires him. But then immediately gives him free reign to the microphone to rally the troops against Mr. Peabody. This dude's a fucking idiot. And now we're off to the races. Chunli now sporting a new outfit that bison for some reason had in his collection. Who did he get to make this? He have a seamstress on standby just for this event in case a small little Asian woman with a petite frame is in the neighborhood. He can have that ready for her with a new change of heart. Raya the Last Dragon and Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat. Go rescue the others. Oh, man. Doesn't go well. Oh, Chunli is again talking at Nazian while pacing around the room like she owns the place. Finally, she lets her legs do the talking. Lady Legasus spinning bird kicks across the room, takes out bison. It's all going according to plan until the idiot convention shows up and ruins everything. This gives bison ample time to run into a panic room and knock on the gas. The team starts to flounder while he looks on. I'll get you like a schoolboy. Wipe out. Blanca is getting more hulked out by the minute as he watches reruns of the facts of life. Once again, harnessing the power of technology, Gile goes full stealth mode. This allows them to take out the many gun turrets lining the base undetected. This shot of Zangief being upset is priceless. He is so put out for a half of a second. The only person in the entire film caught off guard by Gile not being dead is Sagat. Gile? Alive? Of course. I love this fucking exchange so much. I guess you didn't see that, did you? Like it's so obvious what Gile's plan was. Bison gets on some janky ass hover machine that's operated, of course, by an arcade joystick. What even is this movie? Game over. He sunk Gile's battleship. Sank? Sunk? Ryu? Ryu? Ro? Back in the lab. Frankenstein's abortion has awakened. Shocking to no one, the universal soldier and his team survived the explosion. It's at this point I'm coming to the sad realization that Kami's not gonna pop those pants off at any time. We're not gonna see her in her actual outfit from the game. I'm a simple man. I don't ask for much. JCVD makes his way into a Best Buy. Post flash mob rating. There he reconnects with his best buddy Charlie. He's not thrilled to see him. But Gile, being the good man he is, promises to help them use the next monster. Bison activates a pit for Mortal Kombat and it's a perfect time for Gile to strike. He does a completely plausible, in no way ridiculous jump kick across the screen. It's now all out warfare with punching, kicking, bricking, bombing, and synchronized boating. The local Florida boat parade joins the battle with hundreds of disposable troops running on the island. And might I just add, this is on par with Steven Spielberg's masterpiece saving Private Ryan. That opening sequence with Tom Hanks and his men storming the beach, it's really one to one right here. Truly powerful stuff. Bison's men are outgunned and his days are numbered but that's not gonna stop Gile from doing a one-on-one alpha male challenge. Warmonger Tarzan swings across the room, right into our hearts. JCVD pops the top, revealing a perfectly cut, perfectly sculpted body with a nice tank. The camera frames up a beautiful muscle flex. Ah! After a primal scream, JCVD drops down to the second story and we can continue with round two of the fight. Balrog might have the worst attack in the movie. This is an embarrassing windup punch, dude. He's wearing boxing gloves that look to have been purchased at the sports store equivalent of a dollar general. Back at the main event, the break dance fighting. A double somersault kick? He's gonna feel that one in the morning, Tom. I hate myself. This cut is hilarious. Bison gets hit and kind of naturally falls at the control center, but then decides to jump harder at it. What the actual fuck? Really solid lighting effects here. Cammy, still unfortunately with pants, calls to distract Gile. And Bison's back, baby! Now with static shock abilities, he launches Gile into some foam bricks. With the power of technology, Ken sees Ra walking into a trap. And Vega's there. The stakes couldn't be lower. Bison activates the thwomper boots from the 1993 Super Mario Brothers movie. We have two epic fights taking place in tandem and half these guys lost their shirts in the process. And yet Cammy's still fully pantsed. Vega gets his face burnt. Toasty! And did I spot a hurricane kick in there? I think I saw one creep up. No Hadouken, though. Why would we throw fireballs in this film about crazy characters that can do all sorts of supernatural things when we can just make a lame war film with people dressed like dipshits? This place is gonna blow. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Blow. Get him out of there! A blast door starts to close, but Zangief is there to pretend to hold it. Fucking poser. The whole island is going up in flames. It's going down. I'm yelling Timber! Two Kesha references for the price of dumb. The bad guys turning all their guns to Beto O'Rourke. While the Street Fighters pose sadly mourning their friend Gile, who definitely is dead this time. Yeah, I'm sure he's not gonna come out of the smoke and flames, and oh, yep, there he is. DJ and Segot make it out of the wreckage and they got themselves some cold hard bison bucks. Chun Li requests a private interview with Gile, which is a very not-so-subtle way of saying, hey, why don't you come back to my place and Sonic boom my brains out? Only if you wear the dress. He's into it. The film closes as every great film should. One final explosion in the distance with the cast doing their iconic poses from the game. What a celebration this has been. The reporter, the camera guy, the editor all here. Logo comes up and I die just a little bit more inside. Granted, it's hard to kill what's essentially already dead. Well, that's Street Fighter the Movie. Capcom's failed attempt to bring one of their popular franchises to the big screen. Granted, the movie did almost make $100 million off a $35 million budget, but sometimes money's not everything. They did make a video game based on the movie as well. Street Fighter the Movie, the game. And I think it really does a good job of mirroring the film because it's also horrible. Capcom would try their hands on the big screen years later with a Chun Li movie, and it was, I didn't see it. I can only imagine how terrible it is. And again, I feel like the casting's not quite one-to-one with the game. Thank you, Kyle, once again for this awesome pick and for supporting the channel. If you like the roast, go ahead and throw a Hadoog in at the like button, or a Ho Yoke and smash into the subscribe button. If you Super Street Fighter II Turbo Edition like this, share it around so people of all walks of life can come in and join in the misery. And then you too will become a Super Street Fighter II Champion Edition. That was a forced joke. All right, bye. ["Super Street Fighter II"]