 Good afternoon, for those who are new, I'm Dr. Theron Sherman. There is no objectionable material in today's document, but it is, if I may be candid, patently ridiculous. Item Number SCP-3V1L-J Object Class, Safe for Fuck's sake. Special Containment Procedures SCP-3V1L-J is to be kept in solitary confinement in a humanoid containment cell. No further communication is to be made between SCP-3V1L-J and staff. All staff are advised that, despite any and all claims made by SCP-3V1L-J, no further containment procedures will be necessary. Description SCP-3V1L-J, formerly Arthur Schnitt-Fleiger of Kenosha, Wisconsin, is a 32-year-old human male involved in a string of criminal activities carried out through the use of anomalous means. It possesses the superhuman ability to, to an extent, convince other people it has a brilliant and complicated agenda that cannot be stopped under any circumstances. On December 20th, 2012, SCP-3V1L-J phoned in a threat to the Foundation that it was going to create a wormhole to another dimension full of spiders and fire and stuff inside the Mall of America. Evidence were mobilized to the location and found no wormhole, after which SCP-3V1L-J contacted the Foundation again with another threat. That the previous plan with the wormhole was merely a distraction from a ZK-class reality failure event it was about to cause. No evidence was found of any such event being within SCP-3V1L-J's capabilities. This pattern continued for some time, resulting in a total of zero casualties, zero lifted veil events, and approximately $12 billion lost by the Foundation in wasted response efforts. Primary containment of SCP-3V1L-J was established on October 14, 2014, after a 10-hour standoff at Site 155 over a non-existent, heavily armed Badger machine. Interrogation log between Dr. Henderson and SCP-3V1L-J. Good evening. Is it really a good evening? Is any evening good when your life is as twisted as mine? When you look deep into the depths of your mind and find only screaming clowns stabbing each other in the hearts over and over again forever, and you can only laugh in misery. Noted. Of course you'd say noted. I anticipated it. I can read you like a Walmart receipt, Dr. Jackson. That's Henderson. Of course it is. You don't think I knew that already? No, since you just called me Dr. Jackson. It was all a ruse. You're so naive, thinking I'd ever tell the truth to a moralizing freak like yourself. Where you see good and bad, I only see madness. Madness! I can see things you could never dream of, like the flash-eating reptile that's behind you right now! There is nothing behind me. Or is there? No, there really is nothing behind me. So quick to judge. You haven't even looked. Dr. Henderson looks behind himself. It was all a ruse, again! You only pretend you can control my inhuman brilliance to make yourselves feel safer. I could destroy the entire foundation with one spoken word mortal. And what word is that? Madness. You've already said that word a few times by now. Then you're even more doomed than you can imagine! I've been picking you weaklings apart piece by piece for all my life, and my sheer genius has doomed you all. This interrogation is going nowhere. Aha! I knew you'd say that. Bull! I've laced the doorknob with psychomimetic uber toxin. You've sealed your fate. Then why am I not dead? Sounds like someone's in denial. Sounds like someone's going to get their head doused in battery acid if they don't learn how to shut their goddamn mouth for more than ten seconds. I knew you'd say that, too. God, I'm so smart. That's it! Dr. Henderson attempts to strangle SCP-3V1-L-J. Err! Oh! Come on! Stand by. Better do a gauge? I knew you'd joke me! Do you do that, too? He deserves it! Good! No! Dr. Henderson is promptly sedated by security officers. One! Two! Five! Who punt SCP-3V1-L-J in the groin a few times for good measure. I knew you'd kick me in the groin exactly five times! I'm so br— Thank you for listening. Site 42 studios and its staff are funded by viewers like you. Please become a patron or visit our merch store at the link in our bio to support our work. Secure. Contain. Protect.