 So we're going to help you today with self-esteem and personal productivity. We're going to do a deep dive into the real causes of procrastination, not the superficial explanations we all hear so much about. This is about the deeper issues, so stay with me. So why am I focused on procrastination here? Why do I think it's so important to talk about? Well, we waste time. We waste time needlessly and we also feel bad about it. Approximately it's about 10 hours a week. That's about 40 hours a month or about 55 days in the year. But what if you could start to understand the issue more and start to reclaim some of that time for your life? Put it towards useful, maybe creative outlets. What impact would that have on your life? I want to show you in this video how to stop procrastinating. But how am I going to do this? Well, I'm going to identify the issue here very clearly. So stay with me. First, I'm going to spend a little bit of time talking about why this issue is so confusing for so many people and also talking about advice in terms of how not to stop procrastinating. If you know the type of advice to avoid at all costs and why you should avoid this advice, the answer will become so much clearer to you. So it'll save you from going down the wrong road, taking steps that will only lead to frustration and further disappointment. So what is my role in all of this? First, let me tell you what I'm not going to do here. I'm not going to motivate you to do more. That is a part of the procrastination mindset, believe it or not. Why am I not going to motivate you to do more? Well, simply because high motivation is almost by definition a temporary state. So I could motivate you and tell you how amazing your future could be. I could describe how if you apply yourself, there's nothing you cannot achieve, which, by the way, is all true. But while this might get you psyched up, this psyched up state will only last for a very short period of time. The problem with any type of external motivational approach is that it relies on the presence of a motivational speaker. So while you may enjoy being motivated by someone and may increase your efforts as a result, this increased effort almost always subsides as the motivation slowly decreases. It's high one day, low the next. Make no mistake, the motivation always decreases eventually. So if you're like almost every other person on the planet, your emotional state will vary significantly from day to day, perhaps even hour to hour. And that's why for an approach to have any lasting impact on your behavior, it needs to cater for the fact that you will not always want to be productive. Your motivation to work might be high one day and nonexistent the next. And we need to work with this fact, not against it. I don't know, maybe you've attended a seminar before for a motivational speaker and I'm not really here to specifically criticise any motivational speaker. You know, it is a skill that's involved and those guys are paid very well. They're very successful, very popular. But notice how people have to kind of continue going back to the seminars. One seminar in and of itself is never quite enough. People have to keep going and looking at more and more videos online to motivate themselves. What I'm trying to get to the bottom of here is how to become your own motivational speaker. Overcoming procrastination is not based on manipulating your emotions to get yourself psyched up. Rather, it's a solution that's much more balanced. The solution is one where respect is always given to your emotional state at all times. So no longer will you beat yourself up when you can't seem to get started. You will become your own motivational speaker, offering yourself vision, excitement and inspiration as well as your own motivation. As kindness, compassion and encouragement at every stage of your journey. This solution involves much less bravado, but has bundles more heart and actual motivation. Perhaps even more importantly, I am not here to tell you what you have to do. In fact, it is precisely because you were being repeatedly told what you have to do in terms of your productivity. Both by yourself and other people that problems have started to come about. I'm certainly not here to scare you into being productive. It's a sad fact that the force which typically drives people to engage with their goals is not inspiration, but fear. Fear is by far and away the biggest motivating force behind procrastination. Think about your own experiences for a moment. How often have you thought to yourself, you know what? I feel really positive about doing some work on my goals right now. I just feel really up for it. And imagine this happens all too rarely. Sadly, it's far more likely that the idea of negative consequences motivates you to take action. And this action probably comes about after a considerable mental debate and anguish. You think about what will happen if you don't get the work done. Think about failure. Thoughts of a despairing future and disappointment are prominent. But when this issue is resolved, these negative thoughts will be a thing of the past for you. It's important to realise that in order to do well in your goals, being fearful and miserable are absolutely no benefit to you whatsoever. The healthy approach is very different and much more life affirming. A quick rule of thumb in terms of following advice, productivity advice from anybody is whether or not they use the term have to any kind of tyrannical, forceful talk like that. It's a huge problem in procrastination. And the concept of having to do things, being forced to do things is a cornerstone of the procrastinator mindset. So anyone that tells you reinforces that idea in your mind, I would suggest that you look for alternatives. We want to start removing this idea of have to of compulsive thinking of tyrannical self talk, because the big problem would have to believing you have to do certain things is that it takes away all credit from you for making positive choices in your life. You never get credit for anything if you believe you have to do it. The other side of it, too, is that it makes you feel small, trapped and victimised by the situation. Believe it or not, some people find this concept really hard to accept. They think that unless they are suffering, they must not be working hard enough. It's the old no pain, no gain maximum. So let me fill you in on a little secret about myself. Personally, I am a very lazy person, but in a good way. I am always looking for an easy option if one is available. Sure, if something I want involves effort, I will certainly apply myself. But if there is an easy way of achieving success, I'll take it. How about you? Do you enjoy the struggle of procrastination? And if not, there is a much better alternative for you. All you're really being asked to give up here is the belief that in order for you to do well, you need to struggle and sacrifice. It is not true. By the way, you don't have to fully accept what I'm saying here just yet. Simply be willing to entertain the idea that maybe, just maybe, achieving the success you desire might be much easier and enjoyable than you previously imagined. So as I've said, overcoming procrastination does not involve aggressive motivation, telling yourself what you have to do or scaring yourself into taking action. So what does it involve? So what does it involve? Well, get ready for a little shock here. Overcoming procrastination requires that you do absolutely nothing at all. So I'll give you a minute to take that one in. I know it sounds pretty incredible, but it is the truth. It is accurate what I'm saying. You don't need to do anything to overcome procrastination. Overcoming procrastination simply involves changing the way you perceive personal productivity. Looking at it differently. That is all that is involved in overcoming this issue. All that is needed is to examine some of your current thoughts and beliefs regarding personal productivity. Why would that be the case? Put simply, it is problems with your thinking around this area that are currently holding you back. We need to examine this in correct thinking and really start to question some of it. You can gradually start to change the way you feel about personal productivity once this begins. You start to question some of the all limiting beliefs you currently hold and then consider some much more helpful alternatives. You know, when I work with someone who is dealing with procrastination, I'm always struck by how busy they think they should be. Sure, they're struggling with it. They feel stuck. They're not engaging with the goals. But if you ask them how much they think they should be doing, they will describe a herculean huge workload that anybody would struggle to do. What if it's this mindset of procrastination that has this idea of struggle and pain and everything has to be hard? And difficult? What if that's a huge component of the procrastination itself? What if that's the thing that's leading to this issue or at least a part of it? Please don't think for a moment, however, that I'm not advocating taking action. On the contrary, taking action can be a very wonderful thing. However, it's the type of action you take. And more importantly, the motivation behind the action you take that is the important factor action taken from inspiration is a great thing and infinitely easier and more enjoyable than fear based action. Action taken out of fear is rarely constructive and feels like hard work every step of the way. It's important to realize that overcoming procrastination is not complicated. It's easy. But while changing your perception of personal productivity, it may seem somewhat unconventional at first. It is above all incredibly easy to understand and can be applied instantly with immediate positive effect. This doesn't take a long time to change. I want you to start thinking about your issues with personal productivity and procrastination as a mindset problem. When you feel like you're struggling, you're stuck, you're not engaging, you're in the procrastination mindset. And the answer is to get out of the procrastination mindset into the more free, liberated, healthy, excited mindset. This is so difficult and this is so counterintuitive because when we're in that procrastination mindset and everything seems difficult and hard, we're so focused on action. We're really action oriented, even though we're stuck and not engaging with action. So we kind of don't see the forest for the trees. We need to take a step back and realize, OK, where is my mindset with this? If I can fix my mindset, that will be a huge part of this problem addressed. That's really the way forward. You know, to be honest, one of the most frustrating things I've found about other motivational external motivational approaches is that they tell you often in very long winded ways. What you already know, people I've worked with have also shared this perspective with me. All too frequently frustrated, maybe anxious people attend seminars and are given the earth-shattering piece of advice that you need to do more. You're not working hard enough and I'm sure that must be a huge revelation to the person who is already feeling anxious. They come looking for advice and already feeling bad because they're not really getting anywhere with their goals and they're told by someone that seems to be an expert that they need to take more action. And I'm going to make a bold assumption here. I assume that you already know that you need to take more action. That's not the issue at all. In my opinion, it is pointless telling people that they need to take action when they already know action is required. This only serves to make the person feel guilty and even more anxious than they already were. The big question is not whether or not you have to take action. You know this, we all really know this. The real question is why don't we do it? This is what we need to address when talking about procrastination. And once this has been addressed, taking the action that is required becomes effortless. Let's look at a brief definition of procrastination just to make sure we're on the same page here. I've said a few unconventional things so far, but you might be expecting me to say something like procrastination isn't that bad or procrastination can help you, something like that, maybe. Well, actually, no, I'm not going to say anything like that because I can assure you procrastination, in my opinion, is very, very unhealthy behavior. And if you do suffer from this issue of procrastination, it's needless because it's so easily fixed and we can do this as a matter of urgency. You don't have to wait and suffer the life of a procrastinator. Procrastination is essentially the putting off of important work despite expecting to be worse off for the delay. It is counterproductive and needless. At least all sorts of stress and reinforces guilt, which we'll talk about more and reduces one's sense of self worth. And in the end, it sabotages life opportunities and holds you back from expressing your fullest potential. So again, why do we procrastinate? And if you ask the average person why they procrastinate in their life, they will likely say that they themselves are one of or a combination of the following things. They'll say that they are lazy is the biggest one. Lacking motivation, lacking interest in their work, bad, useless, a hopeless case, a waster, just not talent enough. These are some of the explanations that people typically gave when asked. Believe it or not, none of this has anything to do with procrastination. It is nothing to do with how lazy or hardworking a person is. And I know that sounds hard to believe probably right now, but that's simply because you're probably so used to hearing these types of reasons cited as the main cause of procrastination. In fact, I can tell you from firsthand experience that laziness has nothing to do with procrastination. There is no such thing as an inherently lazy person. I have met the, you know, the laziest of people and I've seen how this label evaporates once the real cause of procrastination is addressed and resolved. The real reasons people procrastinate are more subtle and nuanced. Now, that's not to say that it's a complicated issue. It isn't a complicated issue at all. But using labels like lazy and unmotivated is actually in itself very lazy. It's actually childish to use labels like this when we're talking about procrastination. It's way, way too simplistic. It's much more beneficial to look at the real issues that play in procrastination. And once they are uncovered, the solution comes so easily. You know, people occasionally ask me why I started working on procrastination as a therapist. And the answer I give is always the same and sometimes surprises people in terms of how specific it is. Sure, I wanted to help people become more productive, but I'm really motivated by a much more specific vision. My dream, my goal has always been to show the typical procrastinator how to enjoy fun in their life without any subtle sense or feeling of guilt knowing away in the back of their mind. I remember very clearly what this was like, you know, turning on the TV to try to relax and unwind. And it was relaxing to a point, but there was always an annoying little voice whispering away at me, telling me what I was doing was wrong. It seemed to judge what I was doing as a waste of time or again, lazy, that word always kept coming back. I always had an unmistakable sense that what I was doing was bad and that I should be being more productive instead. And ultimately it ruined my capacity to relax and enjoy my downtime. That little voice far from motivating me to move and do something had the exact opposite effect. I was a chronic procrastinator and suffered terribly because of it. This was really my goal from the beginning of my work on procrastination. You know, looking back, this inability to relax really had a huge impact on my procrastination. All important tasks were done at the last minute, if at all. All of this in hindsight was due to my inability to do something about that annoying little voice that plagued me as I sat in front of the TV or something each evening. It seemed easier to just ignore this voice and pretend it wasn't there. Not addressing this voice caused me a lot of pain and anguish. My experiences don't have to be your experiences by examining your beliefs and assumptions about personal productivity. This will not be your experience. You know, I've provided a description here of what procrastination looks like, what it is, but again, what is the root cause of this procrastination? The answer is not something that you're going to find very easily in existing literature, unfortunately. If you do a Google search on procrastination, almost all the resources focus on how you can plan your way out of procrastination. This line of advice usually includes concepts like just do it, set a time for yourself and stick to it. Your goals are important and need to be a priority. Set aside some time and really force yourself into taking action. Take massive action. Stop making excuses. Stop sabotaging yourself. It all sounds like a lecture and it's a lecture to someone who is already suffering with fear, overwhelm, guilt and anxiety, which is not what we want. OK, if you're still with me, thank you, first of all, and we're about to now get into the cause and ignore any other advice you hear about this issue that doesn't go into the emotional reasons behind it because we're about to identify the main emotional drivers of procrastination and make no mistake, this is an emotional issue. It's driven by emotion. Here we go. I could tell you now without a moment's hesitation that this type of advice simply doesn't work in stopping procrastination. Why? Because believe it or not, procrastinators already know they need to take more action. They already know what's required in terms of action. They already know that they are sabotaging themselves. Telling them this is hardly a big help for a procrastinator. Rather than being condescending and telling them what they already know, the real way to help someone who suffers from procrastination is again to show them why they have been doing it. Bringing this knowledge into conscious awareness makes it much easier for the person to acknowledge it when it occurs and to do something about it when it arises. So let's dive in here in order to find out why you've been procrastinating. We must find out what you have been getting from it. Now, this may seem like a strange way to think about it, giving how destructive procrastination can be. But just bear with me here for a moment. Remember this key point. People always engage in behavior because it gives them something. There must be some kind of a payoff to a behavior if people do it repeatedly again and again, time after time. You know, people go to work to earn money. They exercise to hopefully stay fit. They brush their teeth to avoid cavities. In other words, if doing something doesn't give them some kind of a payoff, the person simply stops doing the behavior. Now, you've likely been engaging with procrastination for some time. So why on earth would you do it? What has it been giving you? Why did you start doing it? And why have you continued to do it? You know, time and time again, people I work with and talk to tell me about the increased levels of anxiety in their lives due to their often chronic procrastination. And from all these people I've worked with, I have tried to really hone in on exactly what it is that they get out of procrastination. What is the payoff? Through experience, I have concluded that the only thing people consistently get from procrastination, the payoff is always the same. It's an underlying feeling or sense of guilt. Objectively speaking, this is the only realization reliable end result. It's always the bottom line of procrastination. So as strange as it may seem, people persistently over long periods of time engage in procrastination with the only predictable result being this feeling of guilt. And the person knows it will make them feel guilty. Yet they continue to engage in the behavior that makes them feel guilty. To get past your procrastination, you need to be honest with yourself about what it has been giving you, what has the payoff been for you, what's the end result always been consistently. So think about your own experiences. Has your procrastination led you repeatedly to this feeling of guilt? And it's a very, very important thing to understand and learn about the whole dynamic of procrastination. It'll be a huge help to you once you realize this. Now, if that's true for you and you have been experiencing guilt consistently due to procrastination, we next need to ask the question, why do we engage in the behavior we know will make us feel guilty? It feels horrible. So why on earth would we do this to ourselves? Now, here is a very important principle to remember. All of the thoughts and beliefs you have will actively start to seek out evidence to back themselves up. All of the inner dialogue, all of the beliefs, thoughts and assumptions will look for evidence to back themselves up. It's simply just the way the mind operates and beliefs need evidence to support themselves. Otherwise, they simply fade away. No belief simply sits idly by passively in the mind. All beliefs seek out evidence to prove themselves true. So if you are actively bringing about evidence of your guilt, by not engaging with important work, for instance, you must have some belief in your mind telling you that you have done something very, very bad. Think about it this way. Do you think that only the guilty feel and act in a guilty way? Essentially, you engage in procrastination to find evidence of guilt because somewhere in your mind, there is a belief saying that you are guilty, bad, useless or unworthy somehow. Personally, I call this the defective story that many of us carry around with us. It's like baggage. And thus we could say that one of the main reasons you procrastinate is that you have a very skewed and an unhealthy image of yourself. I certainly did when I suffered from procrastination. You might see yourself as someone who is unworthy or is actually worthy of punishment because you're inferior, not good enough or guilty. Thus, it follows that you sabotage all prospects for your future success in the goals that present themselves in your life. We undermine our goals in order to reinforce this guilt that stems from low self-esteem. By the way, you're not guilty of anything. Even people who live entirely saintly lives often have these skewed beliefs telling them how bad and worthy or guilty they are. In fact, these beliefs are so commonly held, you'd be amazed. These beliefs are so ingrained in us. Most of us are not even aware that this is an issue. Many people tell me that they've actually got very good and healthy self-esteem, but once we scratch the surface, the negative self-image shows up as clear as day. These negative beliefs about ourselves are usually very old and they often are implanted in childhood. But once this little seed of guilt grows into a fully formed belief later in life, although it's largely subconscious and we're not really aware of it all the time, it will always manifest itself in some way. Something we'll be able to point to in life. Now, for some people, this might be something like maybe over-reading, drinking alcohol excessively, or some other destructive behavior. But for many of us, it comes in the form of procrastination or self-sabotage. And luckily for us, there is a way around this. There is something to do about this low self-esteem. We can get to work on building high self-esteem and believe me, it is possible to take action to improve your self-esteem. Starting to question this, what I call the defective story, which is very, very unhelpful and isn't even remotely true. What we need to start doing is to recognize that procrastination is not simply about being lazy or unfocused or something. It is actually a psychological attack or a weapon we use on ourselves to sustain old inaccurate and unhelpful beliefs we hold about ourselves. Simply by recognizing this, we see what's at stake and are much more likely to take steps towards self-empowerment. With procrastination, not only is our potential and productivity underlying, sure it is. But so too is our sense of self-worth and self-respect. We recognize that overcoming this dysfunctional behavior can bring us increased productivity, but more importantly, a vastly improved sense of self-esteem, self-respect, and self-compassion. So yes, guilt is the result of procrastination. The cause of procrastination, we could say, is that inner defective story. It's that low self-esteem that we carry around with us. And as I've said, it usually is rooted in childhood. Now, there is something to do about this. And does that mean now that we have to go back and dissect every aspect of your childhood and go into deep psychoanalysis? Not really. Some people can do that. But really, what we're talking about here is the issue of procrastination. And in addressing this issue, there's a huge, huge opportunity. This is the good news about all this. Because when you realize what the behavior of procrastination is doing and the ways in which we engage with procrastination and we put things off, et cetera, et cetera, when we realize the issue and what's at stake, in other words, our emotional well-being, our sense of self-respect, our sense of self-esteem. By not reinforcing that procrastination, what's going to happen, inevitably has to happen, is you no longer reinforce that low self-esteem. Therefore, you have much better chance of putting in place some actually healthy self-esteem for a change. You'll replace the old defective story with more self-acceptance, more appreciation for yourself, more acceptance of yourself. And that's the good news in all this.