 Hello everyone, welcome to the Narc Survivor YouTube channel. In this video I'm going to be talking about how to smartly deal with a narcissist. But before I begin please give this video a thumbs up down below. It helps the YouTube algorithm to get this message out there to other survivors of narcissistic abuse. So up until this point you've acted friendly and agreeable with the narcissist. You've played by the rules. You followed what you believed to be the correct line of behavior. You've dealt fairly and honestly with them. Because you were taught that this is the correct way for people to behave in society. It's how you were raised. But you can't do that around narcissists. Because they will only take advantage of it. They will only use your honesty and kindness to exploit you. They're never going to act sensible or behave like a normal emotionally mature adult. Because they're used to dysfunctional environments. That's their playground. So they're never going to deal with you in a more delicate or sensitive way. They have a mental disorder. So they cannot feel comfortable in an arrangement or structure. It's too demanding for them. They need chaos to function. They need to create an environment of confusion and disorganization. So that they can witness your discomfort and distress. And then they can distract themselves by focusing on you. So that they don't have to feel like there's anything wrong with them. So there's never going to be any adaptations or adjustments. Their disorder is maladaptive. Which means that they're unable to adjust appropriately to environments or situations. Because they don't care about anything but themselves. So they're not concerned about how their behavior is affecting you. They don't have your best interest in mind. And in fact they view you as their enemy. So they are your opposition. And this goes for anyone. Not just narcissists. Because when a person only cares about themselves there are no friends. There is no one they're on good terms with. They're just pretending. They're completely selfish. They lack consideration for everyone. They're only thinking of their own advantage on what they can personally gain. And they don't care about how it affects anyone else. So while they may create the appearance of taking care of someone and making sure nothing bad happens to them. They actually don't even care. It makes no difference to them. Some of them may have a severe complex or white night syndrome. Where they pretend to act righteously and then in the interest of other people. And these are known as communal narcissists. But even then they really don't care. They may brag about their service and good deeds. But if you explore deeper into their operations you will find that they actually have no support to back up their claims. Because their true aim is not to help other people. It's just to be seen as helpful. Because it gives them narcissistic supply. It makes them feel important. The truth is that they actually don't care about anyone but themselves. And if you're not of any use to them then you don't even exist. Which can be a huge blow to your self-esteem. Because you're only acknowledged if you perform. And even then they're only focused on how your performance benefits them. Rather than your individuality or who you actually are as a person. They don't care about that. It means nothing to them. They're just manipulating you so that they can get something out of the situation. All they do is take their leeches. Their bottom feeders. They're not there for you. They're only there for their own personal gain. So when you're dealing fairly and honestly with them and you're giving them the same amount of attention and respect. And you're still engaging with them. When you already know that they're undeserving of your fairness and acceptance. It's really putting you in a bad position. And it's causing them to have no respect for you. Even though they may not display it openly. That's how they're secretly thinking of you. Because they know that you know who they are. That you know what they're capable of. And what they've been doing. So it's like giving a thief the keys to your home. And not expecting them to steal anything. Which is why it's very dangerous for you to even interact with them. Because just the fact that you're treating them like a normal person is opening you up to be an exploited by them. Which is something you may have seen earlier on in the relationship. Because they typically begin by doing it to other people to test the waters and see how you react to it. And then before you know it they're doing it to you. They never contain or restrict themselves from certain people. If they manipulated, lied or cheated to get with you. Soon enough they're going to be doing that to you. Because they've already shown that they're capable of it. And if it worked for them in the past then why would they stop? Of course they're just going to keep doing it. And they may change people. But their behaviors stay the same. Because they're very selfish. They only care about themselves. So it's just not something that you can expect. It's something that you can guarantee. At some point there is going to be some form of conflict. Which is why you cannot cooperate with them. It's just going to set you up to be in taken advantage of. If you've already seen them engaging in lying or manipulative behaviors. Whether it was to you or to someone else. It's only going to get worse. And it's going to affect you. So it makes no sense to hold a favorable opinion or judgment of them. When you already know what they're capable of. Which is why you have to minimize your contact as much as possible. Because any attention or favours you give to them will put you at risk of being exploited. And this has become a societal norm. Society has become a playground for manipulative and abusive people. So we have to change the way we operate. We can't just be so friendly and accommodating with everyone like we used to be. Because the world is different now. It's not how it used to be. There used to be a time where we didn't even have alarms in our homes. Where we could leave our doors open. Without the fear of being burgled. And women could walk down the street at night without the fear of being raped. But now it's like every time you watch the news. There's another rape allegation or another burglary. The world has become a very dangerous place. So we need to protect ourselves and stay out of harm's way. Because you just never know what these people might do to you. We will continue to be singled out for cruel and unjust treatment. Which is why you cannot deal fairly and honestly with them. Because that will only leave you with a short end of the stick. They're just going to see your kindness as a weakness. They're going to see you as being gullible and naive. And then they're going to use you for all your worth. And they're not going to feel bad about it. They have no conscience. They have no sense of right or wrong. As long as they can get away with it, they don't really care. In their minds, you deserve it for dealing with them. Because they already know they're no good. And if you don't know that, then it's on you. You deserve everything you get. Which is why they feel the right to take advantage of you. Because when you're dealing with a narcissist, there is no fairness. There are no rules. They're not looking out for you. They're not looking out for anyone. They only care about themselves. And this is just what the world has become. Whether you're dealing with a narcissist or not. You might treat a person a certain way. But you can no longer expect them to do the same for you. People aren't looking out for each other like they used to. It's just every man for himself. People are only concerned with their own interests rather than the needs of other people. There is an old quote of how we should treat others the way we want to be treated. But that doesn't work anymore. Doing that will just set you up to be in use and exploited because they're just going to see you as a fool. Thank you for watching. If you found this video helpful, please give it a thumbs up. Share your thoughts in the comment section. Hit that subscribe button to receive the notifications. If you would like to support the channel, you can donate at paypal.me. You can book a one on one with me on my website. It's not survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.