 It's okay to feel all sorts of anxiety and nerves before entering into a relationship. We are all afraid of getting hurt. Sometimes you fall in love with someone who breaks your heart. Sometimes you fall in love with someone and end up breaking someone's heart. It's a lot of unknowns, and unknowns can be nerve-wracking. Sometimes these fears and anxieties freeze you in your tracks, but you may not know why. If you want to start dating, but are terrified, stay tuned. We're breaking down four reasons why you may be afraid to date again. It happened before, it'll happen again. The greatest obstacle between you and a new relationship can be the ghosts of past partners. We often believe that the past is bound to repeat itself, but that's not always the case. In fact, this kind of belief is what psychologists call a hindsight bias, or the new it all along effect. This is the tendency to view situations as more predictable than they actually are. This bias was demonstrated in 1993 by researchers Dorothy Dietrich and Matthew also. Prior to Judge Clarence Thomas' appointment to the Supreme Court, the researchers asked students to guess if he would be confirmed or not. 58% said that he would be confirmed. After Thomas was confirmed, 78 of the students said that he would be confirmed. Now what does this have to do with relationships, you ask? Well, we tend to do the same thing in a relationship. In the relationship, we believe everything is going fine. It's only after the fact that we believe there were red flags everywhere. A hindsight bias causes memory distortion, which can cause you to remember the relationship is better or worse than it actually was. Let's say you only have bad memories of your past relationships. Would you want to jump into a new relationship? Regardless of the hurt you may have experienced, it is possible to find someone better and love again. Uncomfortable with vulnerability. This requires us to be open and vulnerable. This is a difficult task because no one wants to be vulnerable in front of someone. There's always some resistance because we all fear rejection. What if they stop liking us? What if they don't like us to start? The person who loves you is waiting with open arms, no change is needed. Dating isn't the only reason why we feel vulnerable. According to studies done between 2007 and 2014 by psychologists and researchers like Devinson, Kotov, and Wang, people who avoid vulnerability tend to have anxious temperament or struggle with anxiety. If this is the case for you, reaching out to a professional therapist could be your best bet. Negative role models. Thank God for mom and dad for sticking two together because we don't know how. Wise words, outcast. The relationships you witness growing up might be why you either enter or run away from relationships. If, unfortunately, you witnessed your parents bickering frequently, that may have left a scar. In his book, Marital Conflict in Children, An Emotional Security Perspective, E. Mark Cummings, psychologist from the University of Notre Dame, and his colleagues, discussed the possible repercussions of growing up watching your parents fighting. Cummings mentions that aggression between parents can cause the child to worry. Excessive arguing brings a sense of instability and children can develop sleep disturbances and health issues. In extreme cases, children begin to disengage. Additionally, anthropologist Mark Flynn and Barry Englund conducted a 20-year long study in 1999 measuring cortisol levels of children from various family dynamics. They discovered that children who came from quarreling families developed higher levels of cortisol. If all you saw were couples fighting, it may be super important to find that you and your partners take a conflict resolution class or do couples counseling. You don't have to repeat that behavior. You can choose differently and work together with your partner to strengthen your relationship. Overachieving Expectations Many of us have expectations when we enter a relationship. We have ideas of what we want our relationship to be like, and that's great! I'm all about having expectations and goals. In fact, having expectations in a relationship can enhance it. Research from 1994 and 2012 affirms that having optimistic expectations in a relationship improves the connection between the people involved. However, not all expectations are good. If the relationship is already on the rocks, having expectations can harm it. A study done by psychologist Jane K. McNulty and Benjamin R. Carney found expectation causes a steeper decline in relationship satisfaction. Why? Because expectations were never met. But having expectations is not the problem. The problem lies in the kind of expectations you set in your relationship. You can expect love, care, and respect in your relationship, but you cannot expect your partner to suddenly transform into Jungkook or Jimin, or any BTS member overnight. Love is like skydiving. It looks cool, but it takes a lot of thought and commitment to get started. Love is a commitment and a huge leap of faith. You need faith and courage to believe in yourself and to believe in that other person.