 one of the other areas that we see a lot of nice people, people please are struggling with is generosity. And hey, I bought her four dinners. I took her out around the town. I mean, we had a client who was like, I, the women in New York are must be foodies because I'm taking them to Michelin star restaurants on the first date, second date, I've gone on six dates and she says on the seventh date, I'm not actually not that interested in you. I'm seeing other people. Yeah. And I'm sure I'm eating well. Yeah. You know, I'm enjoying all the spots. Let's dive, let's dive into that because this tees up well, something in the book that I call covert contracts. And most people that read the book come away and say that was like the most informative piece because it really puts a spotlight on the kind of behavior that you're talking about. And this is a core staple of nice guy central and covert contract just means covert means is hidden. It's not in the open is indirect. It's even unconscious. Oftentimes nice guys are not aware of their own covert contract. And I promise you the other people on the other end of the contract have no fucking clue that it exists. So basically nice guys have three primary covert contracts. And for every nice guy, one might be more prominent than the other, but most have these three. And the first one is if I'm a good guy, I will be liked and loved and add to that for us men and the women I want to have sex with will want to have sex with me if I'm that good guy. Now, what does that even mean if I'm a good guy? But you were the scorekeeper of that. Well, if I'm generous, if I don't argue, if I'm not, you know, if I don't say hurtful things, if I never asked for what I want, that'll make me a good guy. If I'm different from my father, if I'm different than those men, that'll make me a good guy. And then everybody will like me and love me. Now, all of these, all of these covert contracts have deep flaws to them. Number one, nobody's all good. Right. And number two, nobody likes everybody. I mean, I don't like everybody, no matter how good of people. I don't like everybody. So there's no way that you're going to be universally liked. And there is no way, in spite of what men tend to read on the internet, there is no way that every woman you want to have sex with is going to want to have sex with you. There is no magic bullet. And a nice guy's seduction is actually the worst possible way to try to get that to happen. So, but yes, what happens is this giving to get, the strings attached kind of stuff, the if then, if I'm a good guy, then I'll be liked and loved is what one of the things that makes a nice guy so dishonest and so untrustworthy is because they're strings attached. This is actually manipulation, if you think about it. Okay. Then the second covert contract, talk about manipulation, is if I meet other people's needs without them having to ask. So in other words, I read their mind, I give to them what I think they might want to receive. If I meet other people's needs without them having to ask, then they will read my mind and give me what I need without me having to ask. Now, again, deep flaws in this, because number one, giving to other people so they'll like us and give back is codependency, right? It is, it is manipulative. And the other people don't know that the contract exists and that they're supposed to be reading our mind too and giving back. Now, some other real deep flaws in terms of this covert contract for nice guys is often they pick people who not only do they not know the covert contract exists, they're often not very equipped to give much back. If you go out and pick a fixer upper of a woman, oh, she's depressed or she just got fired from her job because she doesn't get along with anybody or she has money problems or whatever her issues are. Oh, I can fix that. I'll do this. You know, I can make her car payment. I'll listen to her talk about her problems. I'll be there for her. I'll do this. And usually what we're picking is people that are not highly functional in themselves. And we think if we get them fixed up, we'll have this diamond in the rough and then they'll get back to me. But the truth is they don't have much to give back because they're not even good at functioning at at least a medium or high level themselves. Now, it gets even worse. Remember, I said that nice guys hide things. Well, as I said, what we hide is our needs and our wants because most guys nice guys believe we are bad for having needs and wants that people are going to respond negatively to our needs and wants that or that everybody else's needs and wants are more important than my own, which that actually makes us really terrible receivers. And this is maybe this is maybe one of the biggest pieces I've had to work on in my nice guy work. I think I think being honest was probably number one, but learning to give to myself, to let other people give to me to practice receiving, to surround myself with people who want to give to me and who are capable and me being clear and asking for what I want, not being subtly manipulative so that they'll guess what I want or need to give it to me. I've learned to ask for what I want. Hey, can you do this? You know, and just if they can't great if they can't find other resources for whatever that is. So covert contract number two really, really spins up that resentment and nice guys and not and guys will say, well, how do you know if I is this just being nice and generous and kind or is it a covert contract? Which is a really good question because it does take some time and some consciousness to kind of, you know, part that apart. But one of the best way to tell that if it's a covert contract is that you start feeling resentful, unappreciated, giving more than you get, you know, done to those. Those are signs that probably you have covert contracts. Okay, then the third one is if I do everything right, then I will have a smooth problem free life. Now again, nobody does everything right. I mean, you know, every great religious book basically says, we're all sinners, we're all flawed, we're all imperfect, you know, none of us, none of us, you know, are good enough. And so we're not going to do everything right. And again, we're the scorekeeper of that, I did that right, I did that right, I got a big scoreboard in my living room, I did that right, I did that right. And so I should have a smooth problem free life. And this is a covert contract we tend to make with God, right, with the universe. Look, God, I'm a good guy, you know, how come I don't have a girlfriend? How come I have a crappy job? How come I drive a crappy car? How come, you know, this stuff keeps happening to me? And, you know, I keep getting with people that treat me badly. Life should be good. I'm doing everything right. Well, life is not smooth and problem free. I mean, just look at COVID-19, right? Life is not smooth and problem free. And so if we have this almost Peter Panish infantile belief, I'll do everything right. And then everything will be smooth. It's a very immature way of living life because the truth is the challenges and difficulties in life are our best learning tool. And if we can say, great, I'm so great, I'm glad this is happening. I get to grow. I get to evolve. I get to be matured. I get to be refined by this struggle, rather than saying, I don't want struggle. I want everything smooth. And, you know, I don't know if you guys, but I've never found a relationship with a woman to be smooth. It just never has worked that way for me as much as I've wanted them to be that way. And I've never found life in general to be smooth. Now, life can be damn good, but smooth is a completely different thing.