 People can be a lot. They can be helpful, caring, and sympathetic, but sadly they can also be destructive, invasive, and hurtful. Boundaries need to be set. Boundaries can be words of warning, not giving someone your time, your attention to influence your emotions or not giving people material goods or money. Boundaries can be set with everyone and anyone, but these are seven types of people you need to set strong boundaries with, starting with, gossipers. Sharing a secret with a friend may feel like it'll bring the two of you closer, but sometimes the little things our friends whisper to us are not just harmless secrets. Sometimes our friends can be nasty and ruthless when it comes to the reputation of other people. It might seem like fun now, but the gossiper, whether they're a childhood friend, a work acquaintance, or a family member has a burning desire to tell people the things they know or think they know. Often it just comes across as them making conversation or sharing something they feel may be relevant to you. Evolutionary psychologist, Robin Dunbar, explains the purpose of gossip in his 2004 article published in Review of General Psychology. According to his findings, two thirds of conversation time is spent discussing social topics. In other words, a large portion of what we talk about with our friends has to do with other people. It can seem innocent, but pay attention to the tone they use and the way they speak about other people. Imagine what it might be like if they were talking to someone else about you. Boundaries need to be set with this person, as a lot of the time, what they say might not be true or potentially embellished. There's a strong possibility that if gossiping is a habit for them, they will gossip or have already gossiped about you. Attention seekers. The attention seeker is someone who either needs to be seen, heard, or spoken about as often as possible. There is a wide range of behaviors that people might refer to as attention seeking. A lot of it is most likely innocent, but sometimes attention seeking can be disruptive. We all know the story of the boy who cried wolf. The story is still relevant because we all know or have known someone who cries wolf for attention. People who are known as attention seekers can hurt their own reputations through their attention seeking. So why would they do it? A 2011 study by C. Nathan Diwala and colleagues published in Personality and Individual Differences found that narcissists do typically engage in attention seeking behavior. However, this does not necessarily mean that all attention seekers are narcissists, but narcissism could be a potential explanation. Historic personality disorder is another disorder that could potentially exist in an attention seeker. When setting your boundaries with attention seekers, make sure there isn't something deeper at play. If you are in the position to do so, be a good friend towards them rather than completely avoiding them. Don't brush off suicide attempts or suicidal comments as attention seeking. There are instances of the suicidal individual referring to their own actions as attention seeking as a way of avoiding consequences or scrutiny. But if attention seeking comes in the form of bullying, narcissistic behavior, or is offensive to your core beliefs, you need to set those strong boundaries. Victim mentality. The world is full of many, many tragedies. And sometimes we find ourselves running into a string of unfortunate circumstances. But there are people who seem to only ever talk about how the world is against them. It's easy to see potential reasons for why someone might learn this behavior. When we go to our friends for support, they try to make us feel better. This love and attention feels good and so it's understandable that someone might subconsciously take that route to attention every time. Unlike the attention seekers just mentioned, people with a victim mentality appear markedly sadder. Setting boundaries with your friends to have a victim mindset can be difficult. After all, it's a privilege to have friends who feel like they can talk to you about their problems. Before you set boundaries, make sure this person doesn't have a serious problem that can't be dismissed. But if they're constantly returning to minor problems, it's probably time to set boundaries. Encourage them to talk about topics that they enjoy. Set boundaries for people who play the victim for the sake of your own mental health. Sometimes it can be infuriating when faced with someone who constantly plays the victim, but it can be even worse for us if we encourage that behavior by not setting boundaries. Research done by Ryan Heineman and Veronica Torreverso for Journal of Pragmatics in 2009 suggests that complaints will remain fairly tame until someone else engages with them. Compulsive liars. We've all come across that kid who says obvious bragging lies, like my dad works for Nintendo and he told me, blah, blah, blah, blah, aren't they the worst? Often these lies are paired with gossip. Sometimes it's to create a better perception of themselves and sometimes they lie for sympathy. It should be obvious that the things a compulsive liar says should be taken with a grain of salt. It's generally understood that pathological lying, in a clinical sense, begins in childhood. According to a study conducted by Katie Elizabeth Trainor for the University of Wollongong, it was evident that pathological liars have grown up without a script or model for securing attention and love through healthy or socially accepted avenues. Pathological liars who do not have a clinical condition do it knowingly and specifically as a means of deception or manipulation. Only a professional can make the distinction between someone with a clinical issue and someone who is manipulative. Enablers. The enablers seems like a great friend, perhaps even a best friend. They seem to be the person you can do everything with. With their constant reinforcement, it's easy to think that their support is healthy and necessary, but enablers promote negative and unhealthy behavior. Enablers can be friends who encourage you to drink or smoke even when you're trying to quit. While it might feel like they have your best interest at heart, they may actually be using you as a way to justify their own poor life choices. Research published in the Journal of Substance Abuse treatment indicates that enablers participated in the negative actions with the addicts and even made excuses for the addicts all while knowing they were trying to break the addiction. Boundaries with enablers are extremely important. They're one of the few cases where it might be completely necessary to cut them out of your life, especially if you have an addictive personality or an addiction you would like to break. People who constantly belittle. Making your way through the world is difficult. Having dreams and ambitions can be scary. Almost everything we do will be met with at least some criticism. After all, no one's perfect, but there are people who seem to never agree with you or never believe in your aspirations. They may even talk down to you no matter what. This is the person, be they a sibling, a parent, a friend, or even a significant other who finds a hole in everything you do. No matter how thorough or experienced you are, they treat you like a complete novice. Belittling, patronizing, or talking down to someone has only ever had a negative effect on performance. As revealed in a 2012 study conducted by Sarah J. Gervais and Theresa K. Vashio, it shows that the patronizer has a lack of faith in your abilities, which is why it hurts the most when it comes from someone whom you respect, love, or are close to. Of course, it would be difficult to set boundaries with your boss or employer, but with friends and family, boundaries need to be set, especially if this is occurring in adulthood. People who make you uncomfortable. These people could be the kind of people who make odd sexual remarks, act aggressively, or exhibit odd, possibly even concerning physical behavior around you. This is where boundaries are most necessary. It should be noted that some people in the autism spectrum may be prone to saying some odd or questionable things that can come across as awkward. That doesn't excuse everything they might do, but it is something to be aware of. These feelings of nervous discomfort can come from anywhere. Family, peers, strangers, or even employers. Naturally, we try to avoid the people who make us feel this way as much as possible. Try to make sure someone knows about your discomfort. This way you have someone who is aware of the situation and is on your side if it's a friend or family member who makes you uncomfortable. If it's occurring in a work environment, you can notify the human resources department the person has committed an offense. We are all human. We all have our problems that can make us come across as annoying or frustrating to others. Remember to be empathetic to those who can't monitor their own behavior due to disorders or history. There could be any number of underlying psychological conditions that can affect any and all of these. However, some people really are manipulative and mean-spirited and will do these things for shallow reasons. These are the people you have to set strong boundaries with. Do you think you need to set boundaries with someone in your life? If you enjoyed this video or found it helpful, why not leave a like? Remember to subscribe to Psych2Go for more content just like this. All of the sources used for this video can be found below.