 Everybody around you doesn't matter. You are on this journey alone. Because I kept on comparing myself or looking at the people that were meant to be beside me, I was kind of rubbing myself of what it was for me to just start again and pursue this thing again just for me. You can have friends in your class, you can have people before you, ahead of you, beside you, behind you. But at the end of the day, you're in this journey alone. I had so much pent up resentment. Like it was really peak. If you're expecting more than someone's capacity, you're setting yourself up for failure. That's a life lesson rather. Welcome back to the Behind the Dreams podcast. I'm your host, Claude Williams. In this episode, I sit down with Bissy Atkins. Bissy is a British-Nigerian voice-over artist, social entrepreneur and presenter, and she's becoming the sought-after voice in the media industry. Her story is one that reminds me of the power of staying true to yourself, as well as not wavering from what you believe is for you. This episode is special because usually, Bissy is the one doing the interviewing. There's a day of the unique opportunity to get to know who she really is. So join me as we dig deeper into the person who is Bissy Atkins. Okay, cool. This is exciting. Okay. Excellent. Do I look fine? A show. Thank you. You're doing good. Thank you. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good. How are you feeling? I am doing well. I'm doing well. Thank you for coming to my podcast today. Oh my gosh, thank you so much for having me. I feel like it's really, really cool when people invite me to stuff. I just feel honored that you see something that you want to discuss or just want to spend time with me. So I think it's really awesome. That's so much to discuss. And honestly, I also realized as much as you've been out there, you've interviewed so many people, told them people's stories, I haven't been able to see much of your story so far. It's true. You know, when you're in the position of the interview, you just literally want to tell people's stories. You don't really get to tell your own story. And then sometimes I'm like, do I even have a story to tell? But then everybody has a story to tell. Everyone does. So yeah, it's really cool to be on this side of the mic. Obviously, I know a bit about your history, about how you got to where you are now. And we are definitely going to touch on the projects you're working on currently. But one, I guess, kind of theme that I've noticed is that you've changed a lot over the years. You've tried a lot of different things. But it seems like you've now figured out what you're great at, which seems to be telling stories. How did you work out what your strengths are? You know what? I feel like this thing called life, we're just winging it. Like, God has given us a gift to manage this time that we have and we're literally winging. I feel like I've been winging it. But then I've also really, really tried to put my best foot forward consistently. And if I'm putting a lot of effort into something and I don't see it manifest, and I'm really putting my full all, is like I learned from that experience and say, okay, so what worked well in that? And how can I change it into something that's really working for me? And that's actually serving me. So I think that's why I've been able to kind of like transition from academic to creative, to present, to voiceover, to historian, to every single thing that I'm doing is literally just about trying to see what works for you, putting your best foot forward all the time. And I feel like there was an actual shift for me in my 20 something year, seventh year. And I was actually like, God, you know what? I've been trying to be in control for a minute now and evidently, your plan is better than mine. So I'mma let go and let you do your thing. And then I think that's how he's really navigated these past few years. And I'm really, really grateful. What were some of the things you were trying previously that didn't quite work out for you? Well, to be honest, when I was in school, yeah, I actually wanted to be a doctor. Like I wanted to be a doctor. I went to my primary school, I was like, okay, I'm gonna be a doctor. And my GCSEs, I got four A stars, four A's and two B's. I'm like, yeah, let's go for it. Honestly, if he was to ask me two plus two, I'd be like, where's the calculator? But I was really, really academic, very, very studious. And I wanted to be a doctor. Maybe it is because I'm like joining your parents that it's like, I'd be a doctor, lawyer. I'm not trying to read all of that English. Let me just try, save, save lives and help people in that way. And then when I did go into, what did I do for A level? I think it was maths, biology, chemistry and psychology my first year. And I flopped miserably, as in like, from four A stars, four A's and two B's. I got a D and three U's. And not like I was just giant. I was really studious. Like that didn't stop. But the jump from freaking GCSE to A. No one prepares you for that. Right. And then I was just like, okay, cool. If I can't be a doctor the whole body anatomy scene as I got a D in the psychology, let me be a doctor of the mind. So I was like, okay, cool. I have to restart. And I did psychology. I'm like, I want to be a psychologist. And then when I was doing psychology, I went into uni studying psychology. And I really enjoyed child psychology and especially clinical psychology, specializing in child development. I'm like, okay, cool. Let me do that. But then somehow I managed to win Miss Nigeria somewhere. And then I got thrown into the entertainment side of things. And I was able to travel a little bit. And I was like, okay, no, I'm not trying to stay in this UK and do all of this stuff. And then I was like, okay, let me pursue presenting. I was with different artists getting to know them telling their stories in a really fun, personal way that that didn't manifest because at that time, Afro beats and being African wasn't that cool. So I was ahead of time then. I'm going to stop you there. In terms of it not working out, what was that like for you to put all this work into building up this brand, this platform, interview some really cool people, but it's still not working out? Is this heartening? I have to be frank, very, very honest. It's this heartening. It's like the same thing when you when you study so hard for an exam, you come out with a you. Bro, it's really, really, really disheartening. But then I think in when you're living in that moment and when you're actually experiencing that is it's not a nice feeling because you really do feel like you spent so many hours just trying to make something work, putting all of your effort in something and people aren't either aren't receiving it well, or they're just overlooking it and you're just going through a crisis within yourself is like, but you know, you're good. If you watch it back, it's not like my questions are bad. It's not like I look bad. It's not like it wasn't well produced. It's like, why isn't it clicking? And I feel like I've had that across the board in different areas of my life. And I feel like, although it's uncomfortable and really disheartening, it's character building. And you don't feel like that at the time. But in hindsight, when you look at it, the fact that you were able to even if it even if the the career path transitions into something, the fact that you didn't stay down and you go up is part of character building. It shows tenacity shows resilience. It shows the fact that no matter what life throws at you, even when you're trying your ultimate best and they're still like, nah, now we'll give it to someone else or we don't see you. The fact that you can still keep going shows that you're destined for something big. How did you keep going? Because it's one thing to talk about being resilient. We hear all the time to be successful. You got built a bounce back all of that. But what was it within you that allowed you to keep on going? Sometimes I put it down to like being Nigerian. Sometimes I do put it down to being Nigerian because there's something you know, but I haven't yet twanged what it is. But there's a lot of Nigerian excellence around like I there's something maybe it's all most probably it is our parents and they're like you like I remember I told you I got four A stars four four. What did I get four A stars four A's and two B's? I got not not B but I got in trouble for getting the two B's because my mama said your name was Ade Bisi before it was Bisi. That's not that sad. What do you mean? I was just like so she's basically saying my name started with an A before it started with a B. And I was just like yeah like I actually tried really really hard. So maybe from young they've instilled in in us excellence. Right. So you always really want to try and do the best that you can. You can't afford to fail. And then as well like growing up in a single parent household seeing my mom she's a nurse seeing her do the night shifts and she'll do marathons sometimes she'll do night into long day and then back to night before she comes home to rest. You can't you can't afford to fail. And and I think that's one of a great motivating factor for me. And now yeah when I think about it is like as as great as that is I don't want my my my child to not have the option to be just to just be. Yeah I feel like a lot of us um what's the word is it first generation? Yeah there's a different type of pressure where the the ones that came before us the first ones to get to the country like they had a different environment altogether. They had to survive they had to just make it work. Yeah but us now now that we settled in were were the ones and adults were developed on our own families like you want to create something for. Yeah and it's like our parents have done so well um because I don't think if me I'll leave this let me say me now that I'll pick my bags and leave the UK everything I've known to go to somewhere I don't know and set up base and have children and make them like do like this they're different type of excellence yeah they're different type of excellence but with that comes the burden on us that we just have to be the best. And when I say burden is just like someone else anybody else from a different background can just be like hey I I just want to I don't know I just want to work manager store or I just want to drive a bus like those are options for them where they won't be looked at funny they won't be looked at like you need to be the CEO of the company they don't need to they have the option to be if they want to but they don't need to whereas we we have to and now that I'm a mom now like I want my child to have the option to be whatever it is he wants to be not saying that you should now go and just be waste your life waste your life but that option is so beautiful to have and I don't think we had it but that's one of the reasons why I was just like I have to keep going I hope you're enjoying today's episode if you are please make sure you subscribe to us on YouTube or whatever platform you're listening to this podcast on don't forget to like this video as well yeah but as much as we do have that pressure that we have to carry obviously it's difficult but not all of us are actually able to do that yeah do you have any advice for people who feel like they might be failing that mission right now you know when it is coming to when it does come to give advice in those situations it's always easier said than done it's always easy for me to be like oh yeah no man just go in front of the mirror and affirm that you're great um and I don't really have much advice with regards to that is literally like you just have to find it within yourself yeah like no one can tell you but at the end of the day there's so many people that have the best resources all around them and still don't actualize what they need to or manifest their destiny because them themselves don't see it um so you have to actually spend some time looking within I feel like self is so important and you no one else around us the fact that you're here the fact that I'm here it's all by God's grace right but within everything that we're doing if you didn't decide yes I'm going to pursue this no matter how much you have help whatever no one's going to do it yeah so you actually just need to look at self and make that decision within yourself and intentionally just try try try to keep going yeah I would say ask God to because he's the road to um obviously on your journey you've had some arts and you've had some downs um you've had a lot of wins and we're going to touch on those but before we do that have there been any failures that you face that you feel has set you up for success now um to be honest I do think me failing my my AS levels was us a real a real a real um what was the word it really wake up cool yeah it shook my boots a lot because especially if you're used to to excelling yeah and I'm I'm born in November so I'm kind of the old a lot of my my academic year um you're used to excelling you're used to getting AS you're used to doing well you're used to not even not not teachers pet but you're used to like not getting anything that's negative yeah and when I when I did when I did fail it really did show me that raw yeah I feel like it was the worst I've ever felt like one because I couldn't believe that me busy me I did busy I could fail what one that was a shocker in itself and then two is just like I would have to start again and I couldn't stay in Christ the king I had to leave um college so when it was like embarrassing that I would have to leave the college I had made friends in and like it was quite popular in and then go back to my secondary school I went to Lara Trey um in Ballum and they the teacher was like don't leave don't leave I'm like no I'll be fine and the fact that I'm now coming back showing that I wasn't fine that was another thing and then I felt left behind and it's just like someone that was in front of the pack now being all the way at the back of the pack and seeing people go ahead of you that was really really uncomfortable yeah um but then within that I feel like my character built the most one where I was just like age is nothing but a number because I was really thinking that I'm gonna be the oldest of law and then there'll be people like technically two years younger than me but with like just the year below age is nothing but a number um and then two like everybody around you doesn't matter you are on this journey alone yeah and I felt like because I kept on comparing myself or looking at the people that were meant to be beside me I was kind of robbing myself of what it was for me to just start again and pursue this thing again just for me and it really just taught me that you're on this journey by yourself you can have friends in your class you can have people before you ahead of you beside you behind you but at the end of the day you're in this journey alone and you need to just pursue it that way and when I stopped comparing um what is the word comparing myself or I was gonna say stopped comparison I felt a lot better and I felt like I I I did really really well I ended up getting a a and a b amazing yeah so that was that was lit that was lit from a d in three years this is a big change but you said something so important like the about learning to stop comparing yourself to other people yeah but that is so easy to say yeah so hard to do yeah how did you do it um you have to consist consistently remind yourself because as much as I stopped comparing myself at that moment there will still be instances where I would compare myself again because you see you're human like we're all human and we look left we look right we see people around us especially now that we have social media as well you see so many people do different things and you know it's like no but why not me or I've worked really hard how come I didn't get that opportunity or what is what is it about her that's so different or what is it about him that's so different that why is it them and it's not me it's so easy to compare and even till today like when there's certain opportunities that I feel like oh I would have really liked to get that I compare myself um but then it gets to a point where you just acknowledge the fact that there's someone else there when you start to compare yourself negatively like try to be like oh no they're better than me in this so that this this and it impedes on how you view yourself that's where you need to draw the mark so I feel like comparison or human it happens but you need to have boundaries within your mental that you kind of put on to know where it gets too far because when you want to emulate someone you look at them right so you're comparing oh this is their journey or this is where I am right now this is where they are I would like to get there or maybe this that but when it impedes on how you view yourself that's when it becomes that that's when it starts to have a negative impact on yourself and that's where you kind of need to stop so for me it was just like I you have to be aware of how far it goes and mentally I was just like yeah this is when it's not serving me anymore and then I was like yeah but it okay so you're speaking about having I guess this self image for yourself yes having your boundaries knowing where to draw the line I draw the line for yourself but how do you go about actually developing that sense of self where you have that confidence to be like no this is me this is what I'm going to do I'm going to keep me from forward you need to spend time with yourself you actually need to and I think it's kind of tough to do that nowadays because even if when you're by yourself and you're on your phone you're not by yourself yeah because you're allowing so many things to come within you and that's why I said me being left behind during college and everybody going ahead I had a lot of time by myself I said that you literally spent time by yeah no listen me I'll go to the library they're not my friends they're not my age mate I'll go to the library I'll see the teacher I'll do what I need to do but I spent a lot of time with myself and it's really important like for you to do that like intentionally do that and I'm not talking about the trendy stuff where people were like oh yeah solo day and I'm recording everything so I can share it no you need to be fully present in the time that you spend alone even if that is and I'm not talking about a long time with the god I'm talking just by yourself yeah whether it is your journaling I'm not really good I start and I stop that one that one I won't come in front and be like I general everyday me I don't yeah I would like to but I don't but whether it be journaling be your thing whether it be just sitting I really enjoy going on walks same I oh my gosh I could just be walking around and just be listening to the birds sing and you really get time that's that's one thing I do for sure and I really get time just to to think about what who it is I am what is I'm doing what is I enjoy what is I don't like and I reflect on this interactions I've had with people did I serve that person that well what what is it that they did did it serve me did it make me feel good and it's really important to spend time with yourself yeah and not in a morbid way like oh my gosh I'm I'm alone island because you can't do things by yourself right you can't it's really important like you need a team it takes a village it always it takes a village um but when you are when you do spend time by yourself you can really cultivate the right community that will serve you well and that you can also serve to get you to where you need to go to fulfill your destiny in the right way um so in order for you to kind of know yourself you need to spend time with yourself you've found yourself in the entertainment industry yeah you've clearly developed the skill has been an amazing storyteller yeah but in your field it can be quite often that people don't develop meaningful relationships with people and relationships that can actually move you forward yeah how have you been able to find or keep yourself grounded um I well within the industry right um it is true you they're they're very surface level um friendships and acquaintances should we say and to be honest I feel like it's kind of it's kind of cool that way because at the end of the day you are not competing against each other but you're in the same industry you're trying to go for the same roles everyone should just be cool and nice doing to others as you like done to yourself I think that's something the greatest commandment is there for a reason yeah god gave us that command for a reason just just be nice in it um but then I have friends from from time that keep me grounded and I think it's important to have your your long term friends because they've been with you through different journeys of your life like I have a best friend her name is Titi she's awesome I'm shout out Titi um and we were friends from college first year of college and we've been friends till now like we're going through she's been through every single thing from failing to succeeding to winning Miss Nigeria to to I don't know losing a job to get my first voice over gig to get my first big painting like she's been through everything and the same thing for me um for her I've been through that um with her through those um I think it's important to have at least one person yeah right and they they can they can keep you in your ground but then also be grounded in faith whatever your faith is um I think I think um having god as I just know every single thing that I am you guys looking at me now that I'm shining it's not by me it's not my own doing I like it's god's grace and favor that is over my life and when you think about in that way you just know that you're literally just here by by someone grace by god's grace right it sequels you you know that you haven't arrived by yourself yeah that every single thing that you are and every single being that like obviously you work hard um and obviously you have talent but who gave you the talent it wasn't all good and you have to you have to obviously work at it to make it better but I really honestly believe that every single thing that I am the fact that people may may want to listen to me or speak to me it's not by my own doing at all it's by god's grace and that really keeps me so so grounded and and really allows me to know that what we're all just the same it's just god's favor and with the gift that he's given me with the favor that he's given me I would really love to leave a long lasting impact make people smile and just be nice and just do well by what he's given me and that really keeps me grounded anyway I love that you talk about your face so much oh yeah it's so important honestly what would we be doing without god would you say that you've always been so strongly in your faith I would say that one thing that's been consistent throughout my my relationship with god is gratitude and I think god loves loves love a grateful heart he just loves it because it's not I'm not the one that would be serving inside church I maybe I would miss a couple Sundays but god sees my heart and I'm so so so grateful um for every single thing and I think that that's one of the things that has kind of maybe positioned me where I am because honestly I'm so so grateful um but it has been testing at times where I've been I would ask god like no come on man like what's going on yeah like seriously like oh god like what did I fault you like what is going on um and when you sit down and have those conversations I sometimes in hindsight I'm like he must be looking at me looking at me like you just go after everything I'm going you still have the cheek to question me um but it is an ongoing journey and I do understand that things aren't always always as I'm not always as tight with him as I should be but then I feel like now in my old years right I'm not old by the way but now that I've expressed the years that I've expressed on this it's it's I've really come to understand that god's plans for me aren't for my bad at all and I really just need to lean into that yeah and I feel like if I if I'm a nice person if I if I do according to his will and I really try to ensure that everybody I encounter I I live a christlike life right make everybody feel good serve them accordingly like he won't he won't he won't fail me and with though with when you're when I'm so rest assured that god's got me yeah I'm so rest assured that's got me and he's given me certain examples like for example um when I finished college no when I finished uni I graduated right um I I couldn't get a job I was working at enterprise rent a car by the way I was waking up early to rent cars if I was just like Lord God this is not my life like on the weekend I'll be there with the one of the biggest African stars and then in the morning I'll just be selling cars I'm like bro hey good um and then I was like no I can't I can't I can't I can't do this and then I went back to uni my mom twang me to do oil and gas management for my master's degree asks me why asks me why is the Nigerian in her and she twang me because I was just looking for something to do I couldn't sell cars anymore and um she was just like oh you like to travel you're really good at people you can become an oil and gas consultant where you can be consulting with different people traveling to different firms and make a lot of money and I was just like okay the philosophy works sense makes sense so let's let's go for it um and I really didn't enjoy that master's that was character building in itself um but then when I finished I didn't want to do oil and gas consulting anymore and I told God I'm like God I I want to be a presenter I really want to pursue this presenting thing show up right and then two twos let's say the next month I got a call um from his name's Mansour um and he was like oh yeah I've been seeing your presenting stuff there's this new show coming on sky this new channel called Yanga TV they have this new show called turn up and it'll be really good for you to come in and meet the people they're looking for presenters and I was like swear down and then that's how I got my first TV gig and I told God I'm like God like listen I need I need you to move here so I just know that you're on this journey with me to make just give me a sign and that was all the sign I needed and he did it again um in my 27th year I went into my year my I celebrated my birthday by having a worship night and I've since then I've been doing it annually but I went into my birthday um with worship and I was like God I'm not gonna ask you for anything I just want you to to just have your way and and let it be done right and take full control and then after that I got my first voice over gig right and that was with um was it as though I was there I was in a small brand and I was just like that's how I know that he really just affirms to me consistently that he's got me and I'm rest assured in that so even though the creative industry is volatile there's there's there's not stability like that when I do lean into God he really shows up for me one of the things that I can pick up from you is like you have this amazing energy um it's coming if I think about being so grateful about things and life etc but either way like it comes of course being in your presence it's nice I also know it must be hard to always do that oh yeah oh my goodness me like when you when you're the person that's hey make everybody happy he gets tiring sometimes um and I feel like it was it was more taxing to me maybe in from 20 24 25 26 um I I I didn't have a family so I was really I was serving my my group the most and that's the position I played um but now I think yeah within my friendship even within my my my mom and my sister I was that person that's um and then when it it got taxing to a point where I was just like no like I need I need to I need to just have step back a bit and I don't I don't require much to to be to refill my cup I don't require much just maybe just feed me some something sweet or a series and I can sit down and just have like just my time like that and I'm back again but before I didn't do that I was just like I was always trying to just make sure if you needed to call me if you needed this call me or if you just needed to someone to just be practical and like chair you up call me I just pick up my phone I'm bad with my phone and my friends know and they'll be like this girl would she pick up or would she not pick up but now I have like a major excuse like I have a whole son like guys that's that ongoing excuse but yeah I said I said boundaries for myself but you have to it's like I feel like as you as you age or as you go through life you're meeting different versions of yourself you're learning new things about yourself in it's like your honest consistent journey of self actualization self-realization like certain things that you're what is it what is it about me that I'm going through right now how how you're learning consistently and you're evolving consistently too and you just really need to be very intentional to look at yourself and be that hmm this is what I need and I feel like it's important like when you're feeling down like ox why I ox why a lot like if if someone was to come to me saying that they don't feel I'm not why and then they'll answer that I'm like why because you really need to get to the root of things and when you when you kind of uproot everything not surface level things uproot it um you can you can move and maneuver a lot better because you know the root of it and you can attack it then yeah you spoke about um having new versions of yourself that you're always meeting yeah moving forward yeah what version are you at right now oh this version of busy um this version of busy what can I say she's the most grateful she's ever been hmm she's the most at peace she has ever been um she's the most trust in and good um like honestly like things don't faze me too tough no more I'm just like God's will will be done yeah like it is well like that's something that I say to my friends as well like honestly like don't stress like don't stress um and even even as I'm saying it to you I'm just like my chest is so full of gratitude because the fact that I can say like I feel so much peace like I feel like I'm living in answered prayers and I still want more out of life I can't lie to you like I still want to I still want to like take over this industry and do this and I still want to have certain things but currently as I sit here right now like I want for nothing and I'm so blessed and so highly favored to be able to say that and then to think that God has still so much more in store for me and mine like God is so good like this version of myself like I feel like younger me will be so proud like I couldn't I couldn't even think that I would I would be so so sure of myself so so so at peace with myself just words can't even comprehend how grateful I am to to be the busy that I am today and I'm so excited to see what more God has in store for me because I know there's still room for growth I'm not perfect I need to communicate better I need to be a little bit more disciplined I need to I need to learn how to just navigate all the moving pieces in my life but as a whole, hi God, God has bussed me. He bussed me good and I'm just so grateful so right now I'm just sitting in a space where I'm at so much peace like I have a loving husband I have a healthy a healthy boy we're good you know like I don't want for anything and I'm just I'm so grateful I can pursue passions like I love all things Africa or things Africa but I just I can pursue things that that I really want to pursue and I'm just really grateful that's amazing yeah it's really amazing honestly like I could cry like God is yeah God is so good thank you for listening to these episodes if you haven't already make sure you sign up to our mailing list at dream nation.co forward slash mailing list and from there you'll be able to find out about all the things that we have coming for you but with that said then like this version of you has all of that you've got the gratitude you've done all these amazing things but what would you say to the version of you from five years ago if you could speak to her right now what would you say you can always learn every experience is for learning um but for younger younger me like I had so much pent up resentment like it was really peak and like now that I'm older like it's just like oh you didn't need to spend all of that energy being so pissed at your dad did you really need to spend all of that energy being so pissed at your dad but honestly I did I had I had so much it was like at one stage I was like no how could you just abandon me like this you don't even say I could I could die I could be I could have been dead yesterday you wouldn't know until what my next birthday maybe like it was just so mind-boggling for me that you could you could you can bring forth life and just leave it and then I I wanted to and I think that's another one of my motivating factors at the time I wanted to be so sick so I could spite him that one day he would just see me on tv or something or in my name in light somewhere and then he'll remember and I'll be on our bunny yeah right um so I'll definitely tell her that busy that that was was going through her daddy issues to to forgive earlier let go earlier and as as wild as it is and it's not actually wild but give him grace it's not for me to judge I don't know why he is the way he is I don't know what life experiences he's been through I don't know his childhood or he could just be bad that's cool but people are everyone's uh what's it called a product and then they're all a product of the environment yeah so I don't know what what his own story is yeah and as human as I am that I would want grace I'm gonna make some mistakes for my children but definitely I would have given him a lot more grace than I did it was doing me no good anyway and fair enough yeah it made me very motivated but within my actual self and the condition of my heart it wasn't good um and yeah now that I've completely let that go um I feel a lot lighter so I'll definitely tell younger younger this forgive earlier and don't don't be so pent up about your dad not being in your life for so many people whether it's our fathers whether it's our mothers there's so much pain that can cause by parents and if I'm honest with you I think a lot of us go through our whole lives and never really faced that and deal with that yeah so I have to commend you massively for for doing that for forgiving him from even on and allowing yourself to have a more beautiful life as a result so thank you thank you guys God's graceful he was definitely working on me because how did you forgive something that was so painful to you yeah um it takes a lot of effort and it's not like it's not like a quick thing and let me not lie it's not you you you you have a conversation you be like okay cool and then they'll do something and you like oh no but it yeah and then you have another conversation and it'll be like up and down coming like a roller coaster roller coaster but I think the moment for me was when I think I had made a couple attempts maybe three three attempts um and he was still like consistently showing up as the same version of himself and I was like girl you're setting yourself up for failure it's evident that this is all he can give it's evident that maybe he doesn't know better or this is just all he has this is that's his capacity yeah if you're expecting more than someone's capacity you're setting yourself up for failure that's a life lesson rather so when I clocked that I was just like I'm asking him for more than he can actually give he's at his capacity yeah and then when I when I came to terms it up I was like oh it's all cool yeah it's all good that's powerful that's really really really powerful yeah it took some time but we got there yeah I feel like that's something that people can apply not just to their parents but in all honesty all relationships in their life right like some people literally like you say firstly we don't always know people's stories like why are you like that we don't know um but on top of that being able to show them grace for the things that you don't see but then also understanding that whether you are right now might be the best that they can do and you have to be okay with that and when you come to terms with that there's nothing against them but you just you just navigate your life and move accordingly it could be with your friend it could be when you're shifting friends and you're moving in different seasons like you're just it's just it is all well and that doesn't mean you should be mean to anyone or you should be unkind to anyone you should still wish but I still wish the best for my dad wherever he is whatever he is doing in whatever capacity he's doing like you still do unto others as you like done to yourself um but you you don't need to entertain them in your in your immediate space yeah that you protect your space you guard your heart having those boundaries like yeah you have those boundaries um but it's really important and you won't know that unless you actually look at yourself like do I really want to entertain this anymore you know and that's what I'm saying you always need to try your best to be in tune with yourself like it's literally just you that will be able to navigate this obviously you have people to lean on to for sure but it's still just you yeah yeah I know obviously you did your degree in psychology yes and then you did your dissertation around this topic as well yes it's called to the fatherless the effect of fatherlessness on romantic relationships and women in the uk and they actually got first on the actual um dissertation amazing if there was one important lesson that you got from the dissertation that you're like um the people listen to this to know what would it be and that's a deep question yeah there was so many lessons it was really tough for me to do that dissertation I just thinking back at it like I really had to and you know what was what was really really tough because I I did the interviews myself right so well what what do we call it primary research that's it so I was interviewing all of these young women and our stories were so similar and it was like we had a collective trauma like and I'll be asking them question I'm like I can see myself in you right and I don't I don't want us to be sharing we shouldn't be crying together no like they'll start crying in the interviews it was it was really that was it was really just tough to do that um yeah but I would say it's very important for us to let go you can't change the past it has happened to you is not going to unhappy to you and you have to make the decision within yourself on how you're going to proceed in life whether it's going to be your story oh my gosh my dad was in the house this is why I'm this this is why I'm this this is why I'm this in a negative way or this is the fact when my it happened and I'm just gonna pick up and move on and create better stories for myself yeah but you have to make that decision with yourself and when you actually think about it when you harbor all of that pain and you harbor all of that trauma you're weighing yourself down you can't really fly as high as you want to fly you're carrying weight yeah um and there's so much release and there's so much power that comes that you you you carry back you take back when you let those things go yeah because it has a power over you it has a hold over you behave a type of way because it's in your head it's in your peripheral vision left right and you're like oh my dad wasn't in the house oh but this person I'm making just a bit but it's so serious please it's so serious um but there's so much you feel a lot lighter you can really just just operate and and and fly as your your destined to fly when you kind of let those things go so I think that's one of the biggest things I learned not only I guess are you rewriting or have you already written it the story of your own life but now you're also telling the story of a whole continent yeah so let's talk about your new baby oh my gosh all things Africa by the way if you're not following that can you go find it now but there's all things Africa underscore on ig and on tiktok we're gonna go on oh but on youtube as well we have no videos there but it's going okay give me grace give me grace I have a baby um but all things Africa is basically like a platform where you can learn about all things Africa our history our culture our music our food the stories about Africa um that kind of were taken away from our history books I was sitting down during lockdown now is watching um I I just love to learn right and I was watching different documentaries about this person in Africa this kingdom in Africa I'm like oh my gosh this is so interesting we should all know this right and then as I was watching it sometimes I'll fall asleep because it was so boring and so monotonous I'm like no one really is gonna watch this even though the information is so important for us to know I was like oh so me I can communicate well I can keep you engaged I think I'm rather entertaining just a little bit um and I really enjoy this right so I took up with myself to kind of to tell our stories and I started with um with Nigeria and how Nigeria was built for 165,000 and it was a business still um between the UK and this company that still exists today called Unilever and they kind of like they amalgamated different protectorates of Nigeria the different parts of Nigeria and they just kind of just mix us together as a business still and then when I did that and I put out an IG on Nigeria independence by the way is because Bernaboy and his um album called African Giant he had a song called Another Story and at the end of another story there was this guy or at the beginning of the another story there was this voice over telling us about the story um and then when I put it out it was received so well and I was like oh there is an appetite for this like people are interested um and I know my gift and telling stories and I can engage you and I was like yeah I really want to tell our stories I feel like there's so much um power in knowing your your history yeah there's so much power in and actually knowing the truth behind what you see today and maybe the reasons why our economy is the way that it is or why our way of living back at home is is that way like to know the kind of steps that we're taking to kind of why why is there no consistent like in Nigeria why does NEPA still take our life if you don't know the fact that Nigeria was literally just a business still and as soon as they got their independence everything that they had been given was taken away from them and they had to start anew with without all the means to actually stand on their own you kind of can give them some grace not too much grace because they're actually 60 something now they're not a teenager anymore no shame no shame but you can understand a bit better and more so you just see the wealth and power that comes from the African continent like we are like I'm not just saying it because it's trendy we are royalty like we have every single thing on the land our resources like this all of this stuff if not for Congo would you be it wouldn't it wouldn't be happening all of the resources that we use to to modernize the western society comes from our soil and if you don't know that you won't know the power that comes within you and I just want I just want to be able to provide that information for people to know I feel like I will play a little part in them knowing their identity a little bit better so that they can't be blindsided by anybody saying that oh in Africa we're just all poor and we live in the huts and we're loincloths and stuff like that like it's it's it's I just wanted to completely play a little part in shifting that narrative back to the original one of wealth and abundance and because so much wealth and abundance exists in Africa in different parts of our continent all the different countries and we're so interested and we're so like there's there's no other continent as sick as Africa no shade to the other continents but I'm African and it's after root from our people but there's no other continent that has everything that we have and it's just really important to tell it so um all things Africa I do bite size currently currently as of today um bite size information bite size stories spotlights on different things and it's just really engaging and by by God's grace I really want it to become like that educational resource where we can teach young children as well about their history about the Mansa Mooses about the kings and the queens and all of these things so all they learn in school isn't Kuntakente from roots that's not because that's the only thing I learned it was either that and um Auschwitz yeah um that was the most apart from obviously the British Empire those are the only two things um that's not the only thing young young black children should learn about their continent um so I really wanted to become that educational resource for people to just really know their their history in a fun way yeah because um you shouldn't make education boring no it should be fun you should you should be like I want to go and watch all things Africa video because my teacher busy is fun and engaging and I'm like yeah I am come and learn let's all be better I was invited to African which is like one of the biggest um diaspora connecting conferences in LA and because of all things Africa I was invited there to moderate one of the panels about being an African in the diaspora and ownership over our staff and I was moderating I moderated that panel I was interviewing big guys I got invited to the the mayor of LA's home to celebrate 60 years of um it was called Africa Day and whilst I was there you know it was really dope because I was feeling a type of way about so you have that consistently like even when you feel like people will arrive they haven't arrived but all still winging it in this life I was feeling a type of way about all things Africa because I was like it's really good and the research takes so long but I don't know the following isn't growing that much the community isn't growing that much I I'm not seeing the amount of growth that I wanted to see that I want to see from it and then one babe came up to me I'm talking in the mayor's house in LA and I live on a farm in Northampton but I'm going back to it okay um and she's like no you're from all things Africa and I was like no shut up in my head I looked around I'm like no I'm not being punked I'm being punked somewhere there's no way in the mayor's house in LA someone is gonna come to me and say that I'm from all things Africa and then she's like oh yeah I've been following you I really really enjoy the way you do the um give the information I've been looking for something like that really trying to understand our history and the way in which you give the content is just so good so digestible and I really really enjoyed and she showed me that she was following our page and I was just like oh god thank you that was the confirmation I need to keep going um so yeah I feel like I'm serving in in in my small small way and by god's grace it will leave a lasting impact it's small today but I don't think it's going to stay that way no I'm man from your time to god's ears yeah in your industry you're often taught to be journalists rather than specialists so you don't limit opportunities yeah do you have any regrets about focusing specifically on Africa you know what yeah when I when I to me that's my whole journey of really loving Africa was when I was doing the presenting on African eyes and it has been difficult like every time I'm like why am I not getting opportunities oh because you're so niche you're so niche like a distance in that um and then I think it clicked for me but this is what I'm really passionate about like I just know that it's a is a long game that I'm going for yeah and this is something that I really am interested in that god hasn't put in my heart for no reason I think it serves a great purpose and now that everyone is looking to Africa I feel like I'm in a really good position um but yeah it is difficult and if if that's something you want to do please trust and believe that you will be feeling left behind a lot you may not get the opportunities that you're looking at other people for but once you tell yourself you're at peace that this is a long game you're focusing on what you want to focus on it won't just happen like that you're ready to commit to it will serve you in the long run I don't feel like it's fully served me yet I feel like maybe in a couple years time then I'll be like oh okay so this is why Africa was all on my head maybe when I get like a travel documentary series in Africa you know exploring the hidden gems or something you know that's when I'll be like okay cool but when you do commit to being niched you are you don't get all the opportunities you do get overlooked a lot but you have to focus on your focus and then that'll be good have that marathon mindset yeah literally basically you have been absolutely amazing guest thank you so much for being on today however we do end all of our podcasts with the same questions so who do you think I should have one as a guest in the future um thank you very much for having me um I would say Dona one his name is Muiwa he's Thames manager um he's a real G yeah yeah he has he has so much depth to him amazing so I think he would be good Muiwa we're definitely checking him out um but I am so excited to see what happens with all things Africa as well as everything else that you're currently involved in and what you're going to be involved in um and yeah like I feel like I've learned a lot especially around gratitude um and the way that you can just focus on that and be right in your own story um and hopefully our listeners get something from this too so thank you for seeing thank you so much for having me thank you for tuning into today's episode we release a new episode every Sunday so make sure that you subscribe and follow us so that you never miss out if you would like some more inspiration while you wait for the next new episode then check out the recommendation above don't forget to follow us on social media and you can send us a question or a dilemma that you'd like us to answer on the podcast this is Club Williams you've been watching behind the dreams and we look forward to seeing you at the next Dream Nation event