 You you weren't really a man until you become a father and Improved of tribes that really wasn't the case You went through initiation ritual and you became a man of a certain age and then you were expected to have kids obviously but that was a later part of the life cycle that was not dependent on your manhood and The problem with setting it up there are a lot of problems with actually setting up masculinity and fatherhood as being the same thing One is that man. I did deliveries in Portland and I Can tell you that I've seen some of the the most effeminate man in the world pushing strollers You know like you do not have to be a masculine man at all to actually be a father You can be a very masculine father and I want to make it clear that I really think that Fatherhood is important and we need good fathers and most of the problems today have to do with the fact that most guys Haven't had good fathers So I'm not dumping on fatherhood at all. I'm just saying that it is not a Necessary part of masculinity like you can have masculinity without it And so that that's the kind of the point of making just so we don't get confused and The other thing is like some of the most masculine men in history have not had kids Best example in America being George Washington Never fathered children. He adopted some people who were in his family and think at some point But George Washington never had children. He was an ideological father. He's a father of a country But he never had kids so If you set up, you know, you're not a real man until you have kids then George Washington was not a real man And that's really not something I'm prepared to accept and I don't think most people should either And it's also you also set up most of the men who have ever died heroically in war at 18 years old Also were probably not fathers So it's just a bad thing to set up You'll see guys try to do it all the time and a lot of times it's new fathers who will do it like well now I'm really a man because I had a kid You know, and it's awesome. It's like I would love to have that experience. I think it's a it's a good experience, but It's it just isn't the same thing as masculinity. It's like an add-on module is what I would describe it as and The reason why I think it's actually dangerous To equate fatherhood with masculinity is because there's two reasons one is There's rising infertility in the world right now. I think I read a statistic the other day like as Many as 10% of couples who are trying to have a baby might not be able to conceive So you're really setting up some guys to fail You know for whatever reason we don't there are so many reasons why this could be true But if you say that you're not a man until you have kids You're setting up now 10% of the people who really want to have kids may not be able to have them So that's that's kind of a bad thing to kind of set up in society and the other one is yeah I think there's you're creating a real social problem because I think you know if you've spent any time at these conferences you probably agree that a Very large percentage of the women Who are currently of child-bearing age are not marriageable They are not women who should have children and To be fair many of the men shouldn't have children either They're not set up for it. They don't have like the you know all the software ready for it They're mentally children themselves You know there's there's a lot of people who aren't going to have kids for a lot of reasons And so if you equate masculinity with fatherhood what you're really creating is shooters You're creating a bunch of guys who feel that they're entitled to have a wife and a house shouldn't picket fence, you know the way picket fence and the whole deal and They feel like they're entitled to have that and that society is robbing them from it You know like it for whatever reason and I think that's a lot of guys who are really in Not this room necessarily, but this bigger audience are guys who you know In a situation where like maybe they're not going to be able to find a mate So you're if you withhold masculinity from them Though you're not a man until you do this thing that you're probably not going to be able to do you create a lot of frustrated men who Are going to take it out on society in some way or other So we really just have to create other pathways for them to be men and really you know They don't need this piece this add on module to be men Finally I wanted to talk about dominance because this is something especially the space gets very confusing