 Hey, Tony Gaskins here. Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of Talks with Tony. Got an email today from a young man and it says, What's up, TG? You are blessing my brother and I hope you see this and can answer it for me. My ex fiance of seven months been together for two years. Just this past month in April broke up with me and gave me back the ring in early April, which was two weeks after going on a date after about a month break that she wanted, not me. We are both 29. She wanted to move in together, me, her and her daughter. And so did I, but we didn't have any money saved up. So I wanted to get a second job so that we can have some money in our savings account when we moved in just in case something happens and we needed funds. I live with my mom and she lived with her sister and paid rent and now recently back at her parents house. She told me I was scared to struggle since I didn't want to move in together with no money saved up. And it's what she really wanted so that we can start building and start a family. I told her I'm not afraid and I want the same things. I just would rather struggle smarter by having some money saved up before we move in because even with money saved up, we still will struggle. And as the male, I want to make sure we are at least decent financially. So I got the second job at the gym and been working 65 hours a week and seven days a week between both jobs and some days back and forth for the last five months. She dumped me gave back the ring and told me since I didn't want to work as a team and move in with her that now her head is just not in the relationship anymore. And she was not happy with the relationship and felt she was alone. She said she wants to do it by herself now and focus on her daughter and get a place by herself. So she also said that moving back into her parents house was the last straw because that shows I didn't have her back by letting her move back in there instead of getting a place to stay. She said it was an embarrassment to move back in with parents since I asked her father's hand in marriage. She is Spanish. She said that was going backwards. She didn't even want to get counseling or coaching sessions to try to make it work even though she ordered both of us make it work for Valentine's Day gift but didn't read it. She said she was already fighting to make it work by trying to get us to work as a team and move in even though we didn't have money saved up. I told her she was fighting for our relationship when I wanted to stay in it and was working for the second job for us. She told me that the job was just for me since I work out and post videos on my fitness YouTube channel. But I told her that's not true. I got the job there to save money for us and have the funds in my savings to prove it to her. She told me I can go use that and move in somewhere by myself now. And that now she felt I wasn't ready to have a kid with her and take her and take care of it nor be responsible to move in and pay bills together since I didn't want to move in sooner and struggle with no money saved up since I wasn't as concerned as I should have been with her daughter as she felt that I should have been. She gave me back the ring and told me see if I can trade it back into the jewelry store. I am crushed heartbroken and in a lot of pain. It's eating me inside because I truly love her and her daughter with all my heart and I want them back. It's even more painful because we work together and she basically pays me no mind like I didn't exist and if there is no soul tie. I never cheated physically or emotionally no flirting liking pictures online or inbox messaging. I was faithful. I did not verbally or physically abuse her nor disrespect her in any way. She told me I took her for granted because I wanted to move in on my time and didn't want to do it as a team and instead do it by myself. Where did I go wrong? I thought I was doing the right thing by working hard at two jobs and saving up money to become a better provider so that we could move in with some money saved up to our name. I didn't mean or want any of this to happen. Please help. Thank you. That was a long email there but got through it and as you can see you know I'm reading and a lot of time people typing on their phone or just typing really fast trying to get it in so I'm trying to bounce around you know typos and make sense of the best to the best of my ability. This is a deep story and it's hard to say because there's always just like with everything I read is two sides to every story. If it happened just the way that you say it happens then you didn't do anything wrong and it's really just her stance you know if you wanted to save up and get some money and she wanted to move in and just make it make it work and you chose saving up and getting money over her and that's how she sees it and so what you have to realize as a man and I'm going to explain this to all men that some women care about finances and others don't so it's actually a compliment if a woman is willing to be with you with no savings to be honest with you 70% of people don't have a savings so I know you want to do it the right way and you want to have a savings but just how you're working 65 hours a week if she would have been okay with you working those same 65 hours a week to get a savings but y'all already having a place together then you should have went that route versus saying let me put this money and getting this money and putting up this money in a savings account before us moving up to moving in together because at the end of the day you know like she said you're her fiance y'all are together you're supposed to be together but you got her moving back into her dad's house so instead of just getting a place and working from there you know you y'all 29 years old you know I moved in with my wife at 21 and we didn't have any money and then when we started living together on our own it probably I had just turned 23 so we didn't have a savings we was you know we were living off of uh just my paycheck after my son came and he was in intensive care unit and I was making 300 dollars a week so my paycheck was 600 dollars every two weeks we didn't have we didn't have the ability to save so but what mattered most was the love was the relationship like the money's gonna come now you see me today I'm in a totally different space but I built to this place by having my woman by my side by being able to come home to my wife look her in her eyes you know look at my family see what I have you chose the gym and shooting videos for your YouTube over making it work with your woman now for one y'all shouldn't be moving together anyways and so that's the other thing it's like are y'all gonna get married you've been together for two years and your ex fiance of seven months so y'all first need to go to the courthouse and get married then go move in so y'all was already putting the cart before the horse to begin with and unless it's something in here you leaving out she's either not the one for you or just kind of full of it because to to break up with somebody and give you the ring back just because you want to have a savings that don't make any sense nobody's gonna give up love over a savings now yes you should have went ahead and made it official and made the move but it's two sides to it both of y'all really should meet in the middle and be reasonable and be understanding but for her to throw the ring back at you just because you wanted a savings it doesn't really add up so something's being left out here and somebody's not you know telling everything so either she got something else going on outside of this situation that she ready to move on to or you got something going on that you're not owning up to and admitting to hearing this situation but to every man like focus on your money you know get your money but don't put money before love if you got the opportunity to love don't put love off for money because money comes and goes you can get money at any time money you can't take it with you but you won't you don't get love anytime so when you have the opportunity to love and you were the woman that you love make that love your priority and then put the money right after that and then get to the money you know I started to make money after I got my priority straight and love and family came first you know after God so by me getting in line with God God told me he who finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord he didn't say he who finds a job you know finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord he who has a savings you know has a good thing and receives favor from the Lord he say he who finds a wife so get right with God get your woman and then get your money in place if she willing to build with you it's totally different of a woman if she told you look you got to have at least a thousand dollars in your savings account for me to be with you or for me to move in with you but this woman said look I don't mind about struggling together I don't mind about building from the ground up like that's a gift you know that's a gift and then when you took and you told money over her that might be why she's super reacting don't make sense to me why she's super reacting like this but that may be the reason because she's saying look you took and you chose money over me I told you I don't mind struggling you told me no let me put you on hold let me have you move back in with your parents so that I can work 65 hours a week and put some some money in savings and it's like how much savings you're gonna get is that gonna change your life how long is gonna take you to save enough money because you got to pay your own bills too so how long is gonna take you to save enough money for it to even matter in the grand scheme of things so that's could be how she's looking at it as well so I think both of y'all just being selfish instead of being selfless you need to explain your side to her she needs to hear you understand that respect that she needs to explain her side to you you need to hear her understand that and respect that man stop putting money before love focus on love and the money will come get your love life right and then your woman will give you the time and the space to get your money right but she wants love because she understands what really matters in the grand scheme of things love means more than money I'm not saying don't get your money right I'm not saying don't have a savings but know what matters and for you women that you want a man to have all his money right had 29 and have a savings and all of that okay cool it's a personal choice it's a personal choice but if you come across a woman I'm telling you as a man who's been married 12 years with a perfect marriage amazing wife 100% faithful to each other 100% happy if you are a man who finds a woman who money is not a priority that she is not focused on your financial stability she focused more so on your heart your character and your work ethic because she knows if you have heart and you have character and you have integrity and you have work ethic she knows the money will come she knows that no amount of money can buy character but that if you have character you can make any amount of money if you come across a woman who has that understanding she is special and she is rare because it's a lot of women who make money as a priority and they want you to have money and don't even care if you cheating on them or they put money before love and then you cheating on them and beating on them and dogging them out but the bank account full and that's when marriage get turned upside down when the bank account is full but the man's heart is empty so hey thank you so much for writing in if you have any questions send it in to inbox at tonigaskins.com inbox at tonigaskins.com make sure you visit tonigaskinsacademy.com visit tonigaskinsacademy.com and grab the course that fits your life in this season thank you so much we'll talk soon