 Mystery House. Mystery House. That strange publishing firm owned by Dan and Barbara Glenn, where each new novel is acted out by the Mystery House staff before it is accepted for publication. Mystery House. Well, Barb, I hope tonight's story is good enough to make a best-seller novel. No, I think it is. Let's see. Now, what's the title again? Dubrow's Adjustive. The folks already acted out? Sure. They're out in the game room. I'll go get them. Fine. I'll say while Mrs. Glenn's rounding up the rest of them, here's something you should hear. Okay, places, everybody. Set the scene, will you, Tom? Dubrow's Adjustive. Tonight's story opens in a doctor's office. Thorne Carlson is looking at the doctor with a mused disfavor. Oh, come now, Doctor. You're being too abstract. You're putting on that smug, complacent, professional face. I have tried to be as plain as possible, Mr. Carlson. In cases such as yours, one cannot be specific. One cannot be specific. Well, maybe not, but one can be blunt. Take a chance, Doctor. Tell me something that adds up. All right, Mr. Carlson, you have one month to live. Maybe a little more, probably somewhat less. Thank you, Doctor. Thank you. Now, one month to live. Now, that's quite amusing in a way. Oh, don't look so shocked. With an affliction such as yours, Mr. Carlson. That really is funny, Doctor. An affliction such as mine. Do you know why I'm so little disturbed about dying? Because I've lost my affliction. You must be mistaken about that, Mr. Carlson. The X-rays show quite a bit. X-rays? Did you take an X-ray of my soul, Doctor? Or isn't medical science that well developed yet? Oh, pardon me. I'm doing the identical thing I accused you of doing a few minutes ago. I'm being abstract. Perhaps I'd better explain what I mean. Or aren't you interested? But, of course, I am very much interested. Fine. I think I'll enjoy telling someone about everything. It all began when Gretchen and I were married. Goodbye, everybody, for all of you. Surprise. What are you talking about? You see? It is a pride-on-thorn tool. We'll be at home at the old Tinley Mansion. Mother's giving it to us for a wedding present. Gretchen, you knew I'd rented an apartment for us. Why didn't you tell me about the Tinley Mansion? Why, I wanted it to be a surprise, Thorn. And it's a perfectly marvelous one, isn't it? It's odd, Gretchen, completely odd. Hi, Thorn. Your joke. I can't afford to keep up the place. And besides, I couldn't be happy rattling around in a huge old barn like that. People can afford anything they want. Smart people. And I couldn't be happy in a stuffy little apartment. We'll get along. But I don't make enough money, Gretchen. That place must cost a fortune to keep it going. You're quite right, Thorn, about not making enough money. You don't. And that's one of the first things we're going to change. You must develop context. Context? Oh, you mean live off my friend's charity? That's just the point. Most of your friends couldn't afford any charity. We are going to move up, Thorn. And the Tinley Mansion is going to help us do it. Did it ever occur to you, Gretchen, that I might not want to move up? I'm pretty happy just as I am. You're brilliant, Thorn, but you lack ambition. That's one reason why I'm going to be good for you. I can think of some other reasons, Mrs. Carlson. Oh, Thorn, don't get mushy. Marriage can be a tremendous success if we take advantage of all our weapons. Weapons? Your biggest asset is personal charm. You do have it, darling. And mother can help us socially with money, too. You almost scare me, Gretchen. You talk like this was a business to you. You married a smart woman, Thorn. I married a lovely one. You don't really know how smart I am. No. Remember when you were running after Diana Tracy? Yes, I remember. Everybody was saying you'd marry her. Gretchen, please. And then she went to New York without even saying goodbye to you. You don't need to rub it in. You never knew why she left, did you? No, I didn't. It was because I told her you and I had been secretly married for six months. What? You see, I know how to get what I want. Everything I want. You told Diana that? Yes. And she fell for it. Thorn, don't stare at me like that. What's the matter? Nothing. I guess you do love me, don't you? Well, of course, Thorn. Of course I do. You'll have to change and hurry. Guest is going to be here for dinner tonight. Oh, Gretchen, can't we just for once have some friends in for dinner? Must we be forever selling something? You should know the answer to that. Bills pass do it every store in town. You'll bet we should be selling. And Thorn. Well, what now? It's terribly important that you play up to Mrs. Sweet tonight. I can handle her husband, but she'll actually make the decisions. I'm sure of that. It'll be especially nice and charming to her. There's a word to describe you, Gretchen. Thorn. Get me so enough and I'll use it sometime. There you have it, Mr. Shannon. What do you think? Well, that's very good, Mrs. Carlson. I wish you weren't married. You'd be a great success in the advertising business. I will be anyway, Mr. Shannon. Oh, you mean you'd go to work for my agency? No, but my husband will. And I'll press the buttons. I'll be working for you almost as if I had an office here. I go doubt it a bit. What's your proposition? You have a fine agency. Your trouble is that you don't have enough good prospective clients. You're too cold-blooded a businessman. Cold-blooded? Well, go on. My husband's a business fool, but he has charm and social position. He has the things you'll need. I sell on the merits of my product. Oh, nonsense. You'll need what Thorn could give you and you'll know it. Well, what does Mr. Carlson think about all this? He's an architect, isn't he? Well, I haven't even consulted him yet. But he'll come into your agency if I tell him to. There's just one catch to it, Mr. Shannon. Yes, what's that? He'll cost you a half-interest in your agency. Hello, Gretchen. Oh, you're looking beautiful tonight. I have two surprises for you, Thorn. What have you done now? But what do you mean? I've learned to distrust your surprises, Gretchen. You have the nerve to say that. Haven't they always worked out for the best? Haven't I brought you right up the ladder? All right, what now? First, we're going to have a baby. Oh, that's wonderful, darling. Just a minute. Second, you're going to have a baby. Just a minute. Second, you're through with architecture. Huh? The arrangements are all made, and I drove a hard bargain. You're going into an advertising agency. Why is she your topsy? Thorn, I wish you wouldn't call the child by that ridiculous nickname. Other children in the neighborhood are beginning to pick it up. Oh, but I like being called topsy, Mother. Well, you shouldn't. Mother, why is it that the things I... are always the things I shouldn't like? I suppose that's because you'll take after your father, dear. Oh, for heaven's sake, Gretchen, you don't have to let the child... Let her know the facts of life? You're quite wrong, Thorn. Won't you help me with my arithmetic, Daddy? Sure, topsy. You know, we've got to get E.E. Cummings' book of poetry. Is five. Is five? Uh-huh. What does that mean? Well, you see, topsy, a lot of stuffy grown-ups have made a lot of rules. And because they've made those rules, certain things are so. And the rules say that two and two are four. Well, aren't they? For most people, yes, topsy. But not for you and me. You see, topsy, you and I are among the privileged few. And just because some old sour-faced school masters made a rule, you and I don't have to believe it. But what do we believe in, Daddy? Well, we think that quite possibly under the right circumstances, two and two aren't for at all. No, maybe when the moon's in the right phase, two and two's five. Thorn, I won't have it to here. I work to keep her from being an impractical fool and you tear down everything I do. Not quite everything, I'm afraid, Gretchen. But I try hard. Oh, are we expecting guests this evening? Only Bob Shannon. I asked him over. Run on up to bed, Dorothy. I'll take you, topsy. The child's quite capable of going to bed by herself. Come on, topsy. Last one up the stairs is a purple-pink bamboo. Come in. Hi, Gretchen. Why the command summons? I thought there were some things we should discuss. Ah, Gretchen, you know I love this house. It's so cool and efficient looking. Where's Thorn? He went upstairs to put Dorothy to bed. He'll be down in a minute. He's a swell guy, Gretchen. You did me a big favor that day that you came in and sold him down the river. I don't do favors. A business deal is mutually advantageous. I've never been able to figure you out, Gretchen. You make the Mona Lisa look like an open book. Nonsense. Were you ever in love with Thorn? I mean, before you married him? Well, of course. I saw great possibilities in him. I'm glad you never fell in love with me, Gretchen. Oh, I don't know. I could have done a great deal for you, Bob. Actually, you'd have been much better material than Thorn. Hello, my name. Hi, Bob. Oh, hi, Thorn. We were just admiring Gretchen's handiwork. Sit down, Thorn. Why so solemn? I have a little surprise for you men. Watch out, Bob. You don't know our surprises like I do. I've been checking the firm's books. Well, we've come a long ways in the last nine years, haven't we? I checked them myself the other day. Yes. Yes, we've come a long ways. And nearly 80% of the billing is Thorn. Sure, I get it. And Bob takes care of it. Not a bad deal. Not a bad deal for Bob. Well, what do you mean? I mean that, well, frankly, you're not carrying your share of the load, Bob. You aren't contributing as much as we are. No. What are you going to do about it? Thorn's pulling out of the agency. He's moving over to modern as a senior partner. Thorn, you'd do that to me. This is a complete surprise to me, Bob. I've made all the arrangements. Thorn's clients have agreed to the change. But you can't do that to me, Gretchen. You'd tear down overnight all that I've been years building up. Well, it's more than a business to me. It's everything I have in the world is my life. Don't worry, Bob. I won't do it. You won't have anything to say about it, Thorn. You see, I knew you'd be swayed by sentiments, so I got your clients to approve the change. I started Thorn out in the business with partners. You never gave us anything we didn't earn. It was always business, and it's still business. Goodbye, Gretchen. Thorn, where are you going? Out. I may be back and I may not. He means it, Gretchen. Your plan won't work. He'll be back. You're forgetting Dorothy. Yes, Dorothy. Poor little kid. Poor, poor little kid. I think I'm going to do her a favor. A great favor. Gretchen! Go, Gretchen! Not her, Topsy. Her mother's dead. She's been strangled to death with anger. Topsy, honey, sometimes things happen that old girls can't understand. Maybe later and maybe never. You'll have to be a brave kid. Now, go on back to bed. I'm around your neck, Dad. It kills my mother. But the man's angered you. A man with the initial F. Topsy, no, you mustn't say that. Don't ever mention it. Your mother was killed by a man while I was gone. People say bad things about that, honey. Bad things about your mother. This is our secret. All right, Daddy. It's our... There have to be murders. I'm all in favor of having them happen to people like Gretchen. We go back to the living room of Thorn Carlson's home. The twisted body of Gretchen Carlson is still on the floor behind the piano. The police have just arrived on the scene. In just a little while, lass. You can go to your grandma's. Maybe I'll take you in a squad car. Wouldn't that be fun? Topsy. Yeah, this is Mr. Dolan. He's from the police. How do you do, Mr. Dolan? How do you do? So your name's Topsy, huh? That's cute. Oh, it's not my real name. Mother got off from the ad when Daddy called me Topsy. But I liked it. So your mother got mad, huh? At your daddy? Yeah. She didn't like the way Daddy always jokes and teases. I guess she was sort of mad at him a lot. Topsy. Didn't your daddy ever get mad at your mother? Oh, no. He just looked sad when she scolded him. Kind of like he'd fallen and hurt his knee. Dolan, this can't go on. You've got to stop it. Maybe you could stop it, Dolan. Me how? By signing a confession, Mr. Carlson. A confession to your wife's murder. Now that you've learned that Gretchen and I had our quarrels, what next? I figured that was kind of up to you. What do you mean? A man has a quarrel with his wife. The wife has murdered her. Can I tell you I wasn't even here when she was murdered? Sure, you tell me that. I wasn't mad. The night I was just disgusted. So disgusted that I walked out on them. Them? You hadn't said anything about anyone else. You said you and your wife were alone. I have. We were. When a woman gets murdered, there's a reason. Either you're lying about you and her being alone, or you killed her. No, no, that's not true. You had a motive. You hated your wife. You fought with her. You had the opportunity. You were alone with her tonight. Stop it. Don't you have any feelings at all? I'll get it. Hello? Oh, Newton. What? Well, I'll be done. You don't tell me. That just goes to show you never know, doesn't it? Okay. Thanks, Newton. I'll see you later. Goodbye. What was that? Never mind. Are you ready to sign a confession? No. You hang, Carlson. You'll get a rope around your neck just as tight as the one you tied around your wife's neck. It wasn't a rope. Oh, so it wasn't a rope. Well, now we're getting somewhere. Come on. You might as well come clean, Carlson. You'll spill the whole work sooner or later. No, Lizzie. Topsie. You're a bad man, and I hate you for talking about. Topsie, I thought you were in bed. I was sitting at the top of the stairs, Lizzie. Hang it, Dolan. You can't torture the youngster this way. So I don't know what I'm talking about, huh, Topsie? No. Topsie, please. But I'm sure I do know what I'm talking about, Topsie. But it wasn't a rope at all, just like Daddy says. He was telling you the truth. Then what was it? Tops for the love of Mike. It was a handkerchief. That's what it was. A man's handkerchief. Wasn't it, Daddy? Honey, please, go on back up to bed. You shouldn't be down here. Oh, it was a man's handkerchief. And what happened to it? Daddy stuck in his pocket. That pocket right there. I'll remember this, Dolan. And your Daddy put it in his pocket because he didn't want anybody to know it was here. Is that right? Oh, but it wasn't his, Mr. Dolan. It wasn't Daddy's at all. It was Mr. Shannon's. Daddy said I mustn't tell, but you won't tell anybody when you. Hand it over, Carlson. I won't do it. You can't thank me. This isn't a game, Carlson. This is a murder I'm investigating, a cold-blooded murder. And I think I can make you. Now, give it here. All right. Here. I'll twist it. I can see where there's been some hard knots tied in it. Initial letter S in the corner. You will be sorry for this, Dolan. Did your Daddy say why you mustn't tell anybody about the handkerchief topsy? He ain't killed by a man. Well, he wasn't here. And something about people talking there. He said maybe someday I might understand. Oh, I see. You're quite a guy, Carlson. I'd like to shake your hand. What for? You take a murder rap to protect your wife's name. But Shannon didn't kill her. Shannon wouldn't do a thing like that. Was Shannon here when you left the house this evening? I... No. No, he wasn't. Why, Daddy, that was a rapper. He was. You know he was. Thanks, Topsy. Now you can go up and go to sleep. And you won't talk bad to my Daddy anymore? No. I won't talk bad to your Daddy. I think I'll talk kind of respectful to him. Good night. Good night. Good night, Daddy. Good night, dear. It was all right for me to... Yes, honey, I guess it was all right. You probably won't believe this, Mr. Carlson, but I already knew Shannon was the murderer anyway. All I had to do was bust somebody enough to get the truth. So you picked on a child? Yes, I suppose you could say that. But I don't think I did wrong. Murder is something I've seen a lot of when it still gets under my skin. Every time is just as bad as the time before. You didn't know it was Shannon you couldn't know. You're bluffing. No, I'm not bluffing. Remember that telephone call I got from the station? The one you were so curious about? Yes. Your partner, Mr. Shannon, tried to commit suicide tonight just a little while ago. Turned on the gas and there's a plot. He said? No, he didn't get off that easy. He'll pay the full price for this. He'll suffer a lot more than inhaling gas. You can have ten minutes with him, Mr. Carlson. I'll tell you when your time's up. All right. I'm sorry, Bob. Greatly sorry. You ought to hate me, Thorne. Yet you're the only friend I have. The only one who tried to save me. Didn't do any good, but you tried, Thorne. You're not guilty, Bob. Even if the jury said you were, I know that. I'm afraid I am guilty, Thorne. I remember saying to Gretchen something about Topsy. I said, I'm going to do her a favor. And then Gretchen laughed at me and I slapped her face. Everything went black and the next thing I remember I was in the hospital. They didn't believe me when I told them that, Thorne. I don't suppose I'd believe it if I were on the jury. I believe you, Bob. There's still a chance the governor... No, no. It's better this way. Our business is gone now. You know that. Everything I've worked for all my life. Gretchen had her way, Thorne. I'd have lost it that she'd have lived. Her death took it away from me anyway. She was the most evil woman I ever knew. I'd gladly trade places with you, Bob. No, no. I thought about that, Thorne. About trying to throw suspicion on you, but that was no good. Why not? There's Topsy. Yes, there's Topsy. Hire. I don't regret a thing, Thorne. I've no relatives, nobody to humiliate. And I've done the kid just what I said I would. I've done her a favor. It's a waste no tears, Thorne. It's a good job all around. Just forget about the governor. No dramatics, no scenes. Here, ten minutes is up, Mr. Carlson. Thank you, Dolan. And that's the story, doctor. When I said I could laugh at death because I had lost my affliction, you see what I mean. But you have undergone a terrible shock, Mr. Carlson. It's no wonder. Shocked, doctor? Yes, I suppose I have. But there's something extremely amusing about the whole thing. Amusey? My dear Mr. Carlson. You see, Shannon was telling the truth, doctor. What? He didn't know what happened after he struck Gretchen. I found him wandering about the streets incoherent. I took him to his apartment and turned on the gas. Then I went home and strangled Gretchen. I killed her. You? You murdered your wife? Certainly. I was willing to pay for my wife's murder, but there was Topsy. She couldn't go through life with the world thinking her father a murderer. Shannon had nothing to live for with the business gone anyway, but I'd have taken his place in a second if it hadn't been for the youngster. Well, I hardly know what to say, Mr. Carlson. Oh, you don't need to say anything. I got justice for Gretchen without ever resorting to the law. Well, with one month to live, it looks like somebody and something got justice for me the same way. Thank you.