 So a man sees you and he walks up to you and he says how beautiful you are and you start chatting, you both like each other. You feel, you start feeling really attracted to him. He's really attracted to you. He's pursuing you. You guys move into this great relationship together where it's passionate and you're in love and everything's going great. That is what we all wish would happen. Believe it or not, men wish this would happen. Women wish this would happen. There's kind of this fairy tale romance out there where we all wish that we could just connect with each other in a very straightforward way and everything would move towards this fairy tale romance story, this love story that we all wanna be a part of where we're totally smitten and in love with each other and we have this great romance that goes on and it's just absolutely amazing. It's everything that we ever wished that we had in a romantic love story. But that's not how things usually work, is it? Usually something goes wrong or there's some kind of issue that's going on. You thought things were moving in a certain direction but they weren't or he thought things were moving in a certain direction but they weren't or maybe your insecurities start coming up and is this real? Is this really what's going on? Is this really the relationship that I've always wanted? Is it too good to be true? There's always these things that come up and you're just not sure if this is actually what's going on. And next thing you know, there's all this confusion and people are breaking up with each other. Somebody's not contacting the other person. Somebody's not as attracted to the other person as one person is to the other and everything kind of falls apart and you don't know what's going on and that sucks. And that's kind of what a lot of times ends up happening for most situations, most kind of romantic encounters that happens. It's not straightforward. It's not this progressive movement towards this amazing love story that we all want to have. And so today I wanna talk to you about something that has been kind of eating at me recently. We've had all these women join our community and they've been talking about all these different things and these things that they're doing and these things that they're not doing. And what I've kind of put together is a list of a lot of the big mistakes that the women in our community and former clients that I've had have made in regards to men that have prevented them from really attracting and keeping a great guy in their lives. And so my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to the commitment connection. If this is your first time to our channel, make sure that you go down and hit the subscribe button so that you don't miss any videos that we publish in the future. So today I'm gonna be talking about the 16 mistakes that women make that sabotage your dating life with men. And so there's a lot of mistakes that people are making. If you're here with us right now, by the way, make sure that you say hi, hey D, I'm glad the sound's working this time. And let me know where you are, where are you watching this in the world right now? And so number one, I'm gonna talk about number one and number one is dating guys who don't know what they want, aren't ready for a relationship or avoid the subject completely. So I get these women in our community all the time and they're like, oh, he's not really sure. He's kind of confused about what's going on or what he wants in a relationship. Let me key you in on something that's very, very important here. When people, most of the time, when somebody says that they're confused, they're not actually confused. They know what's going on and they don't want to talk about it for whatever reason. So if a guy tells you that he's confused about what he wants in the future, he's probably lying to you and he's probably lying to you for one of two reasons. One could be that he doesn't want the same thing that you want with you, right? And another one is that maybe he does want that but he's afraid. One of the things that they talk a lot about in the men's dating community, I used to be in the men's dating community for years, is that you shouldn't tell women that you want a relationship. And the reason that they teach that in the men's dating community, they teach it all over the men's dating community. I don't know a single men's dating advice guru out there that says that you should tell a woman that you want a relationship. And the reason is, is because when you tell a woman that you want a relationship, she actually starts changing the way that she looks at you. She starts screening you hard. She starts treating you differently instead of allowing things to just kind of go into a romantic relationship. A lot of times women will start to put up barriers. They'll start to test you. They'll start to do all these things that they wouldn't do if they were just hanging out and spending time with the guy. However, it's in your best interest to know where this is going and you should know where this is going, especially if you've been dating a guy for a while. I talked to these women and they're like, dating a guy for two years, three years and they still don't know whether this guy wants to be in a real relationship or not. Oh, he won't talk about it. Some of these women are living with a guy and the guy's like, he doesn't wanna talk about where things going. He doesn't wanna talk about if he wants a relationship or not. It's like, you need to be able to protect yourself. One of the things that we're gonna be talking about with all of these different 16 mistakes is that you need to be able to protect yourself and put your needs first. You need to value yourself. You need to respect yourself. And the way that you do that is by making sure that you're getting what you want in the relationship. You're putting up boundaries. You're communicating your needs. You're not putting up with crappy behavior that men dish out to you, right? Which is what ends up putting you in bad situations. And so the most powerful negotiating position that you could possibly have in any kind of relationship situation is the dedicated willingness to walk away from a situation that isn't right for you. And I've talked to clients about this in the past. I had this client at one point and we were talking about this situation that she was in where she was kind of casually seeing a guy. And the idea of an ultimatum came up where we were kind of talking about this idea and it's value and what goes around it. And one of the things that she said was don't ultimatums not work. Don't they, they don't work, right? She said something like that. And I was like, well, they don't work as a manipulation tool, right? They don't work as in I'm going to force this guy to do what I want. And I'm not actually serious about walking away. If you actually are serious about walking away, it's great because then you walk away and the guy's like, wait a second. I didn't think she was going to but most women what they do is they bluff it, right? They're like, hey, I'm not willing. Which is why you hear, if you, if you're in the men's dating side, one of the things that you hear a lot from men in the men's dating side after women break up with them is the men will be like, I didn't think she was serious that she was going to actually leave me because so many women bluff about this stuff where they're like, oh, I'm not going to put up with this and you're, and they're like, ha ha ha and they keep doing it. And the woman just deals with it because in reality, she's not actually willing to walk away from it. And that's why actually being willing to walk away from a bad situation is one of the most powerful things that you can do. And so the analogy that I metaphor that I have for this is not jumping in, don't jump into a pool without knowing that the guy that you're seeing is certain that he wants to be in it as well, right? Don't jump in the pool and then be, you know hanging out in the pool and you see the guy and the guy's up on the side and he's in his clothes and he's like, I didn't really want to get in the pool, right? And so you're there swimming by yourself and you're like, what just happened? I thought we're jumping in this pool together. And so if he's confused, let him be confused by himself. You don't need to put up with a situation where a man's confused. If he's not ready for a relationship, that's fine. Just tell him that when he is ready for one to get in touch with you and if you're still available, then, you know maybe you guys can be in a relationship together or if he's avoiding the subject completely just don't put up with that because men know, right? After especially, he knows especially with you, right? This is actually a study that was done where they talked to men in different stages of being in relationships and they had them do surveys and they talked with them privately. And what they found was that somewhere between the three and six month mark of being with a woman, pretty much every single man knows for a fact exactly what he wants with that woman. And so if you've been with a guy for that long and he's still telling you he doesn't know what he wants and I'm not sure if I want a relationship and he's avoiding the subject completely he's doing it because he knows that his answer is something that you don't wanna hear. And so that's number one, is dealing with guys that aren't that don't know what they want. So stop doing it, stop putting up with it stop dealing with that and not making sure that you're getting what it is that you want out of the relationship. And so number two is trying to make everything easier for a guy and preventing him from investing his time, energy and emotion into you. So one of the things that a lot of the women in our community do is they will come in and they will say things like, oh I did this to make it easier. And what ends up happening is they try to make everything easier because the guy isn't really facilitating creating the relationship that she wants to have. And so she tries to make everything easier where she plans the date for him and she gives him all these different clues on exactly what to do. And so the guy ends up not really investing that much into the relationship that they're having because she's making it so much easier for him and he's not stepping into his masculine energy and taking the leadership role and moving things forward. And what ends up happening is that a lot of times the, you know, you end up, he ends up never doing the things that he should be doing in the relationship and you end up becoming the only person that is kind of doing this. And so he's kind of ends up leaning back and taking on kind of more of a feminine role in the relationship when you want him to be leading things and investing and doing all the things which kind of leads us into number three which is investing everything into a guy who isn't investing in you. And so you don't wanna be the only one rowing the boat in your relationship. You don't wanna be putting in all the energy and the effort with a guy. You need to make sure that the man is also investing in the relationship. What you wanna see in terms of investment in the relationship is at least equal amounts. And usually what ends up happening is that guys tend to take the leadership role in the beginning, right? A guy will end up approaching the woman, he'll pursue the woman up into about the kind of sexual phase of the relationship. And once the sexual part of the relationship starts happening, what tends to happen is the woman starts, her feminine kind of instincts start kicking in where she wants to connect and be around the man and have more communication. And so she ends up starting to invest everything. And she starts chasing the guy. And what you wanna have happening instead of that is at least equal portions of investment from both of you once you end up in the relationship together. Or him doing slightly more than you are because the more a man invests in you, the more he feels like he wants to commit to you and the less likely, and the more he feels like he doesn't wanna let you go, right? And so don't invest everything into a guy who isn't investing in you. Make sure that he's investing in you. If you're here and you get what I'm talking about, say I get it, I get it. If you have questions about anything, we'll talk about them later. If you wanna check out our Facebook group, there should be a link in the description. So check that out. All right, so the next one, I think this is number four, is shaming, attacking or putting down masculine, male, manly or gentlemanly behavior. And it's really fascinating to talk about this because a lot of women, there's a lot of women out there that are like, oh, but like that happens, women do that. And it's yeah, absolutely. It's one of many reasons actually that a lot of guys aren't being as masculine and manly and gentlemanly as they used to be. That's why guys don't use courting behaviors as much. It's one of the reasons. Another reason is because they're becoming lazy because a lot of women are doing everything for them instead of kind of allowing the men or encouraging the men to do those things because our relationships are becoming more and more superficial where we're in this kind of age of the hookup culture where everybody's kind of having sex with each other. And so it's not this courtship thing and both men and women, both men and women are afraid of relationships right now. I know if you're just in our community, you probably mostly just hear about men being afraid of relationships. If you're in the men's dating community, you hear all about women being afraid of relationships. And so it's good to hear both sides of it. Obviously, if you're not in the men's community, you can't hear that side of it. And it's kind of difficult to get into that community if you're not a man, although they do sometimes welcome women into it, but a lot of the stuff, especially nowadays that's in the men's kind of dating communities or the manosphere or any of those kinds of things are really kind of toxic stuff that you'll hear a lot about. And so a lot of women don't like to look at those things, but there are some really kind of healthy men's dating communities that you can go and look at. So men being masculine and manly is what drives you towards a healthy relationship that he wants to be in. And so instead of shaming kind of masculine and manly behaviors, whenever he's doing those kinds of things or whenever he's around you, you want to encourage those kinds of behaviors. You wanna encourage masculine and manly behaviors whenever it happens, right? And a lot of times what we'll see with women is that they'll kind of get into their masculine and one of those masculine traits that a lot of guys do. And you'll see like if guys are hanging out, they'll like bust on each other and kind of make fun of each other and be like, what are you a woman? You know, like, would your penis fall off? You know, and you'll hear those kinds of things. And so a lot of times women are like, oh, I'm going to do that because that's kind of friendship, kind of behavior between guys and they wanna kind of be a part of that. And then they end up doing it. And the guy's like, it's kind of painful because that's not what he wants in a woman. He doesn't want a man in a woman. He wants a woman in a woman. And especially if he's a masculine man, because that's what's attractive. That's what he's attracted to. And so instead of kind of attacking and shaming the masculine gentlemanly behaviors that he has, you know, make sure that you're not doing that not only for your sake with him, but also other women in the future. You know, don't attack men for approaching you. Like I can't tell you how many times guys get attacked by just approaching women. They get drinks thrown on their faces, they get yelled at, they get punched, all kinds of things. Just don't do that kind of stuff. It's really, really unattractive and it hurts everything. And you want to encourage those kinds of behaviors in men. So the next one is something I kind of touched on a little bit earlier which is kind of competing to be the man in the relationship. And like I said before, men don't want to compete for who is going to be the masculine force. They don't want to date another guy, right? They want to be the man of the relationship which is why a lot of times you'll hear women talk about men being kind of intimidated by them. One of the reasons for that is because a lot of times guys feel like this woman is acting in all these kind of masculine manly ways. And they're kind of like, oh, I don't even know how to deal with this or what to do here or like it just feels kind of gross to me. And so they'll end up saying things like I kind of feel intimidated by what you have going on. And they don't end up feeling like they can really be the masculine force in the relationship which is fine if you, there's a lot of kind of feminine men out there these days. And if you want to attract one of those then being your masculine and you'll do a great job at that because they just want to lean back and allow you to do whatever. And that can be a good thing for you. So the next one is dating guys who are already in relationships or married. And I see this in our community way too often. Stop dating men who are already in, especially if they're married. I mean, it's just like horrible. Like what are you doing? I mean, who does this? I don't understand. We had a woman in our community recently and she was talking about this guy that she met on an online dating website. And it turns out that he's married. And she's like, should I just like continue going with it and seeing how things go? And the answer is no. You do not want to continue going with it to see how things go. Now there's a different thing where it's like, guys might be dating other women, right? That's natural if you're out dating and he's out dating and everybody's out dating that everybody's gonna be dating lots of other people. And we see this a lot in the women's community where a lot of the women in our community will be kind of, we call it like a placement, a placement holder guy. They'll have a guy that they're kind of seeing, they're sleeping with, they've been dating him for a while, but they're not really serious about him because they're waiting for somebody better to come along. That kind of thing happens so much on both sides that it's kind of difficult to say, don't deal with a situation like that. But if a guy's in a serious relationship or if he's married, just leave him alone, right? You don't want somebody to come into your marriage and start dating your husband or sleeping with your husband or if you've been serious in a committed relationship with a guy, you don't want somebody to do that with your guy. And obviously it's a two-way street here and if a guy is open and willing to date somebody else while he's in a committed relationship or married with you, obviously if you find that out, you should get rid of him immediately. You know, obviously when you're in relationships, things aren't as black and white as sometimes we'd like to believe that they are. However, you want to make sure that you're standing up for yourself and that you're being strong and having standards and valuing yourself and not allowing yourself to be used and abused in a relationship. So don't date guys who are already in relationships or married, it's just not good, right? And it encourages that behavior and it doesn't matter how attracted to him you are, it doesn't matter if you think you're in love with him or whatever, it's probably not gonna go anywhere and if it does, he's probably gonna do the same thing to you that he's doing with his current relationship. And so if a guy's actually in a relationship or married, just make sure that he gets out of that situation like fully out of the situation before you guys start actually dating each other. So the next one is allowing men to treat you like garbage because you like him or you're in love with him. And so here's a thing that a lot of the women in our community don't fully understand or they kind of neglect because, you know, and I get it kind of the female thing like being in your emotions and it's like, oh, this feels so right but there's something else that's going on that's wrong, that's completely wrong and it's that the guy's treating you badly, it's treating you like garbage and you're putting up with it and you have all these chemicals and the emotions that are going on so you stay in these relationships and I know it's easier said than done but love isn't the only thing that matters. It's not the only thing that matters. Your brain and your self respect matter as well and making sure that you get into a healthy situation that's going to be something that's gonna be good for you long term down the road is incredibly important and if you're in a, if you feel like you want to be with somebody who abuses you and you feel like you have a pattern of getting into situations where men abuse you, you should go and seek therapy. Like seriously, I'm not even joking about this. You should go and get some therapy, find out what's going on with you, work through some of the problems that you have and make sure that you get into so that later on, once you've kind of healed from whatever's going on, whatever kind of issues that you have from your past that you can move on towards a healthy relationship that you want to be in. The next one is stop playing games with men and allowing them to play games with you. So I see this all the time. Women are like, oh, he's playing games with me. First off, a lot of times when you think guys are playing games with you, it's not that they're actually playing games with you. It's that they actually just don't, they, it's one of three things. If a guy's playing games with you, there's one of three things going on. If you think he's playing games with you, there's one of three things going on. The first one is that he's actually playing games with you and if he's actually playing games with you, then you don't want to deal with him at all because being in a relationship where you're playing games is really, really painful. Where you're both playing games, it's just like one of the most painful experiences that you can be in. And at some point you get out of the relationship and you're like, oh, thank God, because that was just so absolutely painful to be in this horrible relationship where we're constantly playing games and oh, I need to stop messaging him so much and he stops messaging you and then it's like, well, he hasn't messaged me for 24 hours so I'm not gonna message him for 48 hours and then he was hanging out with this other girl while we were, it's just like, it's a mess, it's a nightmare. So my suggestion is that you just get out of a situation if you think a guy is actually playing games with you. The second kind of scenario when you think a guy's playing games is that he actually just has no idea what the hell's going on and he has no idea how to kind of be in a relationship. Maybe he doesn't understand your needs. I, we get a lot of women in our community that are like, I want a guy to talk to me every single day, multiple times a day. We need to be in touch with each other all the time. That is not normal behavior for most people. Just to let you know, most people that are dating or in relationship situations aren't in constant contact and constant communication. And so if that's something that you absolutely need or you need something closer to that, that's something that you need to communicate with your partner so that he knows what's going on with you instead of just assuming that he's playing games with you because he only talks to you once every three days or whatever. And then the last situation that happens when you're, when you think that a guy is playing games with you is that he's actually just not that interested in you and it's not that he's playing games, it's just that he doesn't care that much. And so any of those situations, one, you need to communicate and if you actually feel like if you're kind of in connection with your intuition and you really feel like he's playing games, you just, you need to get out of that situation. Hey, Helena, Helena's here. Hi, hi, hi. All right, so next one. I feel like this is a really, and this is really long. Hopefully this is really great information for you and you're getting a lot out of it. And if you get what we're talking about with you, just let me know in the chat. Let me know where you are. Tell us where you're at. All right, so the next one is, let's see, taking revenge on men instead of getting out of bad situations. Taking revenge on men will never benefit you enough to do it. It's just, it's a bad thing, right? It actually hurts you more because it puts you in this space of just negative energy where you're attacking him. And then, you know, he, if he ends up feeling like you're actually attacking him, then you'll both end up doing this attack thing back and forth and it just turns into a world, it turns into a world of pain. You're sitting on a throne of lies. It's just painful. You don't wanna do that. You don't want to take revenge on men. Don't do it. Instead, just, you know, be your own rock, be your own kind of, be the center of your own world, your own universe, you know? Find ways to connect to the things that make you happy and that make you feel good and that make you feel centered and worthy and take actions based on those emotional feelings that you have in directions that help you and lead to better relationships instead of pushing things into worse directions and attacking and making things worse for yourself and the guy that you're with or whatever, you know? Get out of this situation if you have to. And the next one is excusing your own trashy behavior because a man has done this to you or someone you know in the past. I hear this from women all the time in our community. It's ridiculous. I can't believe it. So crazy. It's like, oh, you know, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna make him regret doing this, right? And then they start doing like some kind of trashy thing where it's like the guy doesn't even know what's going on and they're like, you know, trying to make him jealous, sending him photos of her with other guys or whatever, you know, what other kind of crazy stuff that you do like, you know, do you want a great, here's the question. Do you want a great relationship or do you just want to satisfy your ego? And if you just want to satisfy your ego, you know, obviously do what you want, but it's going to hurt you long-term and it's gonna hurt him and it's gonna hurt everybody else and anybody else he dates because you're just satisfying your ego and hurting somebody in the process of doing that. And the next one is incredibly important, which is stop getting into friend with benefits or casual relationships. So I think in our community, we have this, I mean, it's like every week, we just get all these women that are like, oh my God, I'm in this, I'm in this friend with benefits situation, right? I'm in this casual relationship where we're just talking up and I caught feelings, which is usually what ends up happening. And, you know, rarely do friend with benefits situations actually lead to anything more. And women are the ones that usually end up feeling attached and then want something more and they actually hurt your ability to have a real relationship, not only right then, but also later on. So my suggestion, and I know everybody's having sex and lots of people are having sex, not everybody's having sex. Actually, less people now are, there's a statistic that came out recently where they found that less people now are having sex percentage wise than like ever before. Like people are just deciding, you know what, I'm not even gonna deal with this stuff anymore, it's just too painful and everything's just so superficial and people aren't having kind of great relationships anymore and it's really painful for a lot of people. And so this one kind of leads to our next one, which is stop sleeping around. And here are the two main reasons that you want to stop sleeping around with guys that you go out with. And the first one is that most women get more attached to men than men get attached to women when sex is involved. I just talked about that. And so if you end up in a situation where you're like, oh, I'm just gonna have fun and you haven't really kind of taken a look at this guy, whether he's actually relationship material. And next thing you know, you're attached to him and you feel like you're in love and you're trying to get this guy who doesn't really want to be in a relationship to be in a relationship because you set things up so that it's not in a relationship and he's not really relationship material and you're trying to force it, but he's already getting all of his needs met with you. It's just, it's literally the worst possible situation that you can be in is a situation where you're just sleeping with a guy and not creating anything that's really important to you with a guy or attracting a guy or making sure that he's a great guy to be with you for. So it's a really, really bad situation. There's actually a study that came out recently that shows that women actually lose their ability to grow into healthy emotional attachments with men, the more men that they have sex with. And so what they found is that after guy number nine or guy number 10 or something like that, what ends up happening is that women stop having this kind of pair bonding effect that they normally have with a guy through having sex with some more partners that they have. And so once their number just gets higher and higher and higher, it makes it really difficult for them to stay in a relationship. And what ends up happening is that women that they, the statistic is that women that have had more than like nine sexual partners are tend to have the greatest likelihood of cheating of anybody out there. And so if you've, you know, so you just don't wanna sleep around, don't sleep around. It's not good for you and it's not gonna help you and it's not gonna put you in any situation that's good. So my suggestion is don't do that, which also leads to the next one, which is using sex to get to a man's heart. It doesn't work. Don't use sex to get to a man's heart. Men fall in love over time. If he comes up to you and he's really attracted to you or whatever where you think, oh, you know, maybe if we just sleep together, maybe then you'll catch feelings from me like I catch feelings from men. It doesn't work. Don't do that. You need a deep emotional connection. You need to slow things down. You need to connect with his heart. You need to connect with your heart and you need to open up and you need to have a real connection. Don't allow things to move forward with a man unless he is open and having a real connection with you. So don't do it. Sex doesn't get to a man's heart. The next one, we've got three more. Three more. We're working it here, guys. We're working it here. So the next one is leaning too far back and we talk about this in our community and a lot of women, if you're kind of being needy or insecure, it's really important that you lean back and stop doing everything in a relationship. However, leaning too far back can be a huge problem. It's a huge, huge problem. And, you know, what we end up seeing is a lot of times women will lean so far back that they're like, oh, you know, they're like flaking on guys or they're like not showing up for dates or they're just, you know, kind of being wishy-washy with guys or they're not showing any interesting guys and what we've been hearing from women in our communities, they'll say things like, oh, yeah, there's this guy and I really like him, but he stopped communicating with me and they're like, okay, well, what do I do? And I'll be like, yeah, just reach out to him and find out what happened and say, hey, you know, I was interested in hanging out again. Like, did you want to set another date? And a lot of times what the guy will say is he'll be like, oh, I thought you weren't interested in me, right? I thought there was no interest there because they were leaning so far back from kind of a doing this standpoint, emotional standpoint, that they were just totally doing nothing and they were just like, oh, you know, and they weren't showing that they're attracted to the guy, they weren't kind of putting in anything into it. And so the guy doesn't feel like you're into them. And so guys get put into the friend zone so often and, you know, it's for guys, it's usually kind of a numbers game when they go out and date, which is why a lot of guys have to date a lot, which is one of the reasons why a lot of women think that all guys are players because the guys that they typically want are guys that have gone out there and they've dated a lot of women because the only way that a guy can develop the skill of making you feel attracted to him and funny and a good conversationalist and all these things is if he's gone out and dated lots of women. And so he'll, you know, if he goes out and he's dating lots of women and he's meeting lots of women and he's approaching women, right? If he goes out and approaches 10 women, you know, maybe two of them or three of them will end up seeing him again, right? It doesn't matter how he kind of approaches the situation and it's different depending on where he approaches. Like if he goes out during the daytime and he sees you kind of like on the subway or he sees you kind of in a mall or something like that, there's a much lower probability that you're gonna ever see each other again than like if he sees you at like maybe a bar or something like that. But anyway, the point is, is that there's kind of a numbers game that happens in this thing. And so he knows that most of the women that he approaches and he talks to, it's not going anywhere with him, right? And so if you want it to go somewhere with him, you have to show some interest. He has to know that you're interested in him. He has to know that it's not, that it's actually moving towards a romantic relationship. And I hear this from when there's a woman in our community yesterday or the day before who is saying something about how there's this guy that she likes and blah blah blah and she was like, oh, and I tried to invite him out to hang out with our friends, right? And it's like, that is not moving things towards a romantic relationship, you know? Things that move things towards a romantic relationship are the two of you hanging out one on one with each other in a nighttime scenario. Like that's what moves things to a romantic relationship. Lunchtime dates don't typically move things into a romantic relationship because lunch dates are what friends do, right? You don't wanna do what friends do. You're not like trying to hang out as friends. You're trying to hang out in a romantic scenario and if you want him to feel like it's moving in that direction so that he continues to pursue you, if you want him to pursue you, you have to make him feel like it's moving towards a romantic relationship. And if he doesn't, there's a very good chance that he's just gonna disappear. And so the next one is going the opposite direction which is leaning too far forward, which is kind of just acting needy, acting jealous, trying to get into a relationship too soon without allowing things to develop over time, trying to force him to kind of do things instead of allowing him to kind of take the ball and run with it and instead of allowing him to kind of row the boat, trying to force things on him, getting super angry at him. Kind of all those things where you're being super reactive to him and just getting angry or like trying to force him to do stuff or just kind of doing everything or reaching out to him all the time, sending him huge long text messages instead of actually meeting up with him. Just all those kinds of things are things that do not move you towards the relationship that you wanna have and it makes him lose his attraction and interest in you. And so the last one, we're on the last one finally, finally on the last one, everyone. Here we go. It's giving men everything without getting what you want as well. And I see this all the time. And so here are some examples of things, right? Having sex without exclusivity. So a lot of women do this and they are like confused because they think that he should just be being exclusive with it, her, but she never talked about it. She never made sure that she set that boundary. She never made sure that she was getting her needs met, right? While giving him his needs. And so you have to make sure that you're getting your needs met. Another one is moving in with a guy without commitment or marriage, right? Men have needs and if they're getting all of theirs taken care of and you're not getting yours taken care of, that's a problem. And if you're in that situation where you're already giving him everything he needs and you're not getting yours taken care of, you need to be like I talked about earlier, you know, the most powerful position that you can be in is actually being willing to walk away and dating other people and all those kinds of things because you're not getting what you need. And you need to make sure that if he's getting his needs met, that you're getting your needs met as well. And just don't do it and make sure it's clear that you have certain requirements where you are getting everything that you need in your relationships. All right, so that was everything. Got questions for me, throw them in here and we will talk about some of these things. So Nazra says, I'm dating this guy long distance but I don't feel like he's making me happier. Okay, so first off, I'm gonna kind of cut you off on that one and it's not his job to make you happier, right? So it's your job to be happy and to own your own happiness. There's kind of a quote out there that says, don't put the keys of your happiness in somebody else's pocket, right? You need to be connected with your own happiness and you need to be in charge of your own happiness because if you're not, then when you get into an interaction with a guy, it's gonna feel very depleting to him. It's gonna feel like he's getting all of his energy sucked out of him because you're constantly needing him to do things in order to make you feel happy. So my suggestion is to first off, take control of your own happiness, be in charge of your own happiness. That's number one. So I'm dating this guy long distance but I don't feel he's making me happier. I'm the one always checked him, always checked him, what should I do? So I think you're saying checked in with him. And so basically what you wanna do, and I kinda talk about this in some of my other videos and they actually talk about doing this in the men's dating community as well. And what you wanna do is you wanna do nothing and just see what happens. Just lean back, right? So you're the one that we're talking about right now who's showing kind of this behavior where you're doing too much and you're investing too much without him investing with what's going on with you. And so there's kind of this reset button that we talk about, right? Where you, what you need to do is you just need to lean back and just get busy with doing things in your life and see what happens. Does he end up reaching out to you? Because if you're the one that's always reaching out to him, what's gonna end up happening is he's gonna get used to that behavior. And he's gonna be like, oh well whenever she wants to talk she'll reach out to me. And so I don't need to do anything. And so he's the one leaning back and he's kind of sitting back waiting for you to do, to reach out to him. And so like I said, it's not a problem if you reach out to him sometimes but you want to make it so that you're not the only one reaching out. And so what you wanna do is hit the reset button and just find out what's going on. Find out where he's at by just leaning back and getting busy with your life and just find out, find out what happens. See what happens with a week or two weeks of you not contacting him. Does he contact you? Does he initiate the conversations? Is he checking in with what's going on with you? So D says, I'm curious which community you're talking about. We have multiple communities. One of them is a Facebook group. And I think there's a link to it in our description below if you wanna check out our Facebook group. We also have private communities. If you wanna get your questions answered by a coach one of our amazing coaches, then there's a link below this video in the description for how to go to, or if you don't see it there, go to thegoddiscommunity.com and you can sign up for free and get coached by one of our coaches and see all the answers that we've, the questions that we've answered up until now. There's a lot of great information in there. There's also programs you'll learn a lot. There's so much great information in there. You should go and check it out. So check that out. So Fire Phoenix says right and Conrad works so much better. Yes, you know, like, I mean, Conrad, no Conrad, whatever, you know, like just let him be and let, you know, like if, you know, what she's talking about here is kind of a situation where there's kind of this, like kind of fight or where a woman's kind of like getting angry or taking revenge or whatever. And you just, you just want to let go of it, right? And don't put yourself in the situation where you're kind of attacking each other and all that kind of stuff. Cause it's not, it's not healthy. It's not good for you. It's not good for him. It's not good for anybody. Revenge isn't the answer. It's not the answer. It feels good temporarily. It feels good at the moment, but it's the path to the dark side. And you don't want to go to the dark side because then you're like going off into a Star Wars metaphor here. Then your face turns all black and your eyes turn brown. You end up looking like one of those Darth characters, like the emperor, where his face looks like a, like a mashed butt. You don't want that. You don't want that to happen. You don't want your face to look like a mashed butt. So why men come and showed you, Nazra says, why men come, why men come and showed you, they really interested you, but minute they see you're interested, them changed all of a sudden and I'm really confused. It depends on what you're talking about. So guys, if you show interest in a guy, that's, he's not gonna just disappear because of that. There's probably something else that's going on, just showing interest, right? And so it depends on like, what did you do that showed interest? Like, you know what I mean? Like just saying, I showed interest. Did you say, hey, I like you. Oh, I really love it when you do that, right? That's showing interest. But my guess is, is that's not what you're talking about. My guess is that you're talking about something completely different because if you did that, I don't think that would be something. So she also says, can you please explain to me what kind of games are they playing for women? So everybody's playing games and it's not even necessarily a conscious thing, right? And you might not even know that. So, okay, so let's talk about actual games that people play, right? One of those games is the jealousy game, right? Which is one of those things where it's like, okay, we're out on a date and then I go up and I talk to this other girl, right? Or women sometimes do that to men and it's just like huge red flags waving and stuff. And so you don't wanna do that. You don't wanna be in a situation where they are, where you're playing games. So there's a whole bunch of other ones out there. I mean, there's so many. Some of them, I even hear women in our community talk about it like, oh, stop contacting him. Like, you know, lean back, don't respond for three days, you know? I was just, I've been going through kind of a bunch of men's dating information out there because there's kind of these men's gurus and I like to kind of keep up to date on what's going on with them. And there's this one guy and he was talking about, like he says, don't message a woman for four days after you get her number. And it's like, what? I mean, how is she even gonna remember who you are after four days? She doesn't even know who you are anymore. And so, I mean, there's just so many different games out there. It's like, yeah, you know, the whole like, don't respond for 24 hours, you know? Like, you know, shut down the conversation before she shuts down the conversation with you. I mean, there's just so many different things out there. So, all right, what else do we have? I'm trying to learn how to be more feminine and stand down. I've always been a strong independent female, single mom, don't need a man, that and how to get out of your own head. Yeah, so actually Helena's really good at talking about this stuff. However, yeah, I mean, it's just one of those things. It's like, stop doing things. Just stop it. Just stop doing stuff, right? Just lean back. You know, the metaphor is leaning back. You don't want, I mean, you can actually physically lean back, but the metaphor is to kind of lean back in what you're doing. You're not kind of doing a bunch of things. You're doing less stuff. And so you're leaning back. You're allowing him to pursue you. You're allowing him to make dates. You're allowing him to do all the things that he's doing and you're getting into your body. You're getting into your emotions. You know, one of the ways that you can do that is there's these kind of like feminine rituals that you can get in, right? Before you go on a date, let's say you want to go on a date. You can go and get into a feminine ritual where you like, there's a lot of different things, right? Like what is it for you, right? Like what kind of makes you feel girly and feminine and, you know, in your body and out of your head and kind of relaxed and energetic and flowing and touched with your emotions. Maybe it's going out for a walk. Maybe it's going out and hugging a tree. Maybe it's going and playing with a dog. Maybe it's going and playing with some kids. Maybe it's, you know, you know, dolling yourself up and looking really pretty. Maybe it's dancing around the room. You know, there's so many different things. Listening to music. There's so many different things out there that can make you feel that way. And my suggestion to you is to go and explore those different things. Like what makes you feel this way? What kind of allows you to tap into your feminine emotions, not just what other people tell you to do, but actually what it is for you. You know, is it taking a bubble bath? You know, is it kind of just being playful? Is it, you know, what is it, right? And allowing yourself to get into that, right? And doing it on maybe a daily basis. Maybe every time you go on a date, just maybe, you know, randomly throughout the day, just experiencing that and connecting with that and having that it can be really, really powerful. So, all right. So Dee says, I texted a guy that I hope he wasn't being a butt head because he was ignoring my call. I said it to lighten the mood, but he just got upset over that and gave me the silent treatment. Was that an overreaction? Well, what it is, is it's kind of, I know it can seem kind of weird. However, calling somebody out with kind of putting a label on it or kind of accusing them of playing games, what it kind of comes off as to the other person is it kind of feels needy or it feels like there's this weird expectation around it. It feels like they, you know, it feels kind of gross to them so they don't want to be around it, right? So let's say that you're just hanging out and you're talking to a guy and you've been kind of talking to a guy and you're, you know, maybe you get busy and so you don't respond back to him for a couple of days and he sends you a message and he's like, hey, you know, are you kind of being a butt head? Like, what's your deal? You know, like, I hope you're not playing games with me or whatever, right? All of a sudden you're like, what are you even talking about? Like, I was just busy and I had all this other stuff going on. Like, and you're accusing me of doing something kind of malicious, right? Doing something that is intending harm when you're not really doing that. And so people a lot of times when they hear that kind of stuff, they're like, you know, they feel like really kind of gross about it. They feel like all of a sudden you're kind of, it goes from this light, fun, kind of playful thing that you guys are having to this kind of feeling where they're like, oh, she's attacking me right now. She's accusing me of doing, of trying to hurt her or something, right? Or playing games or whatever. And so a lot of times that can be a bad, it's better to just not kind of address it like that. And instead communicate what it is that you want or communicate what it is that you don't want in conjunction with communicating what it is that you want. And one of the ways that you can do that is with framing. And you can check out my Love Frames toolkit if you wanna learn a lot about how to kind of frame interactions, frame relationships, frame how to set things up in a relationship so that they're going in the direction that you want to. One of the ways that you can do it is by saying a certain line of dialogue which the really good one is saying, I like guys who, right? And so if you're hanging out with a guy, right, and you want something to happen, you can say, I like guys who respond to my text messages. I like guys who compliment me and tell me that I'm pretty. I like guys who, you know, whatever, right? And so you're just telling him kind of what you like or what turns you on or what is something that interests you. And so if he wants to be liked by you, right, which he does, he wants to feel attractive, he wants to feel like you like him, then he'll start doing those things, right? And it's kind of a little bit of a manipulative thing, but whatever. It works. It works. It's a communication thing, right? You're telling him what you want. You're telling him what you need in a way that not only he understands, but that makes him want to do that for you. And, you know, so yeah, I even said, hey, I was just trying to lighten the mood. I was being a butt head too. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know about that one. Doesn't feel good to me. Doesn't feel good to me. You're learning well, my young panel. Exactly, exactly, exactly. All right, so C.C. says, hi Matt, dated a guy for two years and on March 29th, he told me to leave him alone. Should I erase his number at this point and move on? Yeah, I mean, if a guy tells you to leave him alone, I mean, I don't know what happened up into that point, right? What happened up into that point? If a guy's telling you to leave him alone, there's obviously a huge chunk of context that you're leaving out of the story for us here. Isn't butt head a universal joking term? It can be a flirty term. One of the problems is if you're using that, my nose is really itching today. My grandma used to say that if your nose is itching, it's because somebody's talking about you. Somebody on here talking about me, are you talking about me? Elaine is talking about me right now. All right, so yeah, in terms of text messaging, it can be difficult to kind of have this flirty fun kind of text messaging thing like that. If you're especially you're using kind of terms like that that are a little weird, like maybe he doesn't really get it and all that kind of stuff. I talk about, I have a flirting texting guide that you can pick up on my website at commitmentconnection.com if you're interested in that. Also, you might just, a lot of those things, it's better to get in person. So one of the things I talk about is it's better to leave the phone for connecting in person than anything else, especially in the early phases of relationship, you wanna meet together. That's where the real connection happens. That's where it's easier to have less communication fails because you're actually with somebody. Fire Phoenix says she's watched all of Helena's videos. It's awesome. I've watched a few of her videos. Helena and I have this running joke where she's like watching all of my videos and I'm like, oh, I've watched a few of yours. Anyway, anyway, it's an inside joke, inside joke. You guys don't get it. All right, so Angela says I live in UK and met a guy in USA two months ago. He messaged me every day since I left phone calls too but now he's less engaged. I want him to mess without pressuring. Yeah, so one of the things that I talk about and I kind of hinted at it a little bit earlier when I was talking about the framing thing is talking about like rewarding behaviors of men, right? Helena's always talking about me. I'm talking like rewarding behaviors of men. So when a guy does something that you like, you reward him, right? You give him attention, you give him appreciation, you show him respect, you show him love, you flirt with him, you tell him specifically what he does that you liked it, right? So if a guy messages you and you're like, every time I get a message from you, it just lightens up my day, right? If you tell him things like that, if he messages you and you're just like, oh, man, I love it when you message me in the morning, you know, it just, I like it just, I don't know, it just makes me feel so good, right? Like you're rewarding that behavior and he's thinking, oh, hell yeah, I'm gonna do that all the time now. I'm gonna do that all the time now. Get this girl liking me all the time, I love it. All right, getting excited here, getting excited here. Fire Phoenix says, thank you, Matt, have a great day. Have a great day, Fire Phoenix. Nazir says, I'm sorry, but when I'm talking about this guy, I'm dating his words and his actions don't match. So I'm totally confused about him. Thank you so much, really this eye-opening for me. Yeah, it's, you need to watch a guy's actions. Watch his actions, right? That's the most important thing is watching his actions. So Damara says, I've gone on a few dates with really nice masculine gentlemen. I have been using your advice and it's going good. Should I offer to pay on the next date or offer to treat him? Ew, no, you should not. I recommend that you don't. I recommend that you do something else. I recommend that you do something else for him. If you absolutely, positively wanna do something for him, I don't think you should pay for dinner. That's kind of like a man masculine thing for him to do. I mean, it kind of depends on the guy, especially if he's really masculine, he's never gonna want you to pay for a date. And I mean, you can offer it if you want to. Like guys really appreciate it when you show appreciation or you feel like, you know, you do, like it's not necessary to offer to pay for a date. Like what guys really want is they don't necessarily want you to pay for dates. They want you to be somebody who helps them make bigger moves in their lives. They want you to be somebody that helps them save money. They want you to be somebody that is a companion to them. They want you to be somebody that supports their dream and their potential. They want you to be somebody that loves them for who they are right now instead of who they might be instead of who their potential is, but still encouraging them and seeing them and seeing how who they are can become that person in the future. They, you know, being, taking on a masculine role as a way of saying thank you isn't one of the things that they necessarily want unless they mention something like that. And I wouldn't go there. You know, it's interesting because what we typically do as people is we tend to do to others what we enjoy, right? Like I hear women all the time. I talk to women about this stuff all the time, obviously. And I get these women that tell me things like, you know, they're like, oh, I need to get a really good job so that a guy really likes me. And what they don't get is that most guys, like 98% of men don't care what your job is. They absolutely don't care. I've talked to a lot of women and a lot, most, you know, 98% of women they want to have a guy who has a job that's at least equal or higher than theirs. Men don't care. They don't care if you're a clerk at a store. They don't care if you don't have a job. They want you to appreciate money and appreciate what he's doing in terms of giving of money and being a provider and protector. But he doesn't want you to be the masculine force in the relationship. It's not attractive to him, right? He's got that part covered because he's the man. And so he's not looking for that in you. And so what ends up happening is a lot of times we look at the other person and we go, this is something that I appreciate. I appreciate a man being a man. And so then they end up trying to take over that role because they want the guy to feel that way about them. And it's like this weird thing because the guy's like, I keep getting these women that are like, oh, should I give a man flowers? You know, it's like, no, you shouldn't. I mean, it's weird unless a guy says that he really likes flowers, which I never hear. I was actually, I was walking down the street the other day and I was, I actually heard these guys talking about it. There's these guys and they're walking and this guy was like, he's like, yeah. You know, women like flowers. He's like, I have no idea why women like flowers. But I know that women like flowers and it makes them happy. It makes them feel pretty and it makes them feel all these things. And so you buy them flowers. That's what you do. That's what you do with women is you buy them flowers. You know, and it's like, guys have no idea why you like flowers, right? Guys have no idea. We have no idea. It just doesn't make any sense to us. It's like hours. Like it's so stupid to us, but it's something that you love. And so we do that for you, right? And especially in more kind of traditional cultures, men do that for you. But we don't get it. We don't understand why you like flowers because it's not something that makes any sense to us. You buy us flowers and we're like, why would you buy me flowers? This doesn't make any sense. You know what I mean? Like they're gonna die. I mean, they're pretty. That's nice. It's great. Well, whatever. But it's not something that we're like, oh my gosh, you bought me flowers. It's so meaningful, right? It doesn't mean anything to us. Like I had a woman tell me one time, she's like, oh yeah, buying me flowers is like the ultimate like foreplay, right? Men do not experience that with flowers. Men don't get it. Men don't understand flowers. And so you don't wanna take on the men, the manly masculine role in the relationship because that's not what he's looking for from you. He's looking for you to take on the opposite role. That's what he's attracted to is the opposite role and then appreciating him and loving him and respecting him for his role in the relationship. And this is why traditional relationships worked and it's why a lot of people are moving back to kind of these different roles that we have and kind of stepping into masculine and feminine energies again because it works because people want it because men like it. They love, it's like this mystery to them. So sexy and intriguing and they wanna be around this energy that they don't even understand but they just love it. They just feel so good being around it and women love men kind of taking these leadership roles and like doing all these things that are masculine and manly and opening doors and doing all this stuff. And it's just like, that's coming back. It's taking, it's making a comeback because people like it, right? Because people enjoy it because we have a biology that's going on inside us. There was some woman that commented on one of our videos yesterday where she's like, this video sounds like something from the 18, 16s. You know, like, you know, isn't this, you know, 2018 or what year are we in, 2018, 2019? She's like, isn't this the, you know, like, she's like, when are we gonna like, you know, step up and come back to, you know, and start living like we're in the recent times. And it's like biology doesn't change. It doesn't matter how much we want things to be different. You know, how much we wish things were different. It doesn't matter how much we wish, right? That we could, as a man, I can just walk up to a woman and just say, hey, you're absolutely beautiful. I think you're amazing. Like, and you just have a conversation and you end up in a relationship together and there's no drama. There's no nonsense. There's no game playing. There's none of that stuff, right? You, we all want to do that, right? That's what we want to have happen. But that's not how things work. You know, people aren't interested. People, you know, play games unconsciously. People, you know, step back. People have all this nonsense in their head that makes them feel insecure about themselves. And do I really deserve this? And, you know, they sabotage situations that they want to have, you know, that they want to grow instead of sabotaging it. But that's what we do, right? We're human. We're biological. We have nature to us. We, men want to step up into this masculine force. Women want to, you know, lean back into this feminine energy and commune and connect and, you know, do all these different things. And it's this idea that we can just kind of push all that aside and just move into this thing where we're just like, hmm, we do this and I walk up and this is, you know, just really straightforward and it works. Unfortunately, it doesn't. And so we have to do things that work if we want to have relationships. And for us in the West, a lot of it means relearning things because what we're taught in schools, what we're taught from our family, what we're taught from friends, what we're taught from television is stuff that doesn't work, right? We watch all these television shows, especially on the men's side, right? In the men's side, we watch all these television shows and what happens in these television shows? Like what happened in Twilight, right? Like this guy, this vampire guy, whatever his name is, Edward or whatever, he's like stalking. He's literally like creepily stalking this woman, right? He's like, you know, like showing up. He's like, yeah, I've been hanging out in your bedroom all night long, you know? And she's like, oh, you know? And he just like, you know, latches onto her and it's just there all the time and it's just constant. She falls in love and it's like, that's not how things work in the real world, right? If you're a guy and you do that, a woman's gonna be like, you are whack. You're crazy. I don't want anything to do with you. You know, she doesn't feel attracted. She feels like you're a wacko and she leaps, right? And it's the same thing with guys, right? As a woman, if you just come up and you're trying to do all these things and trying to make these things happen, it doesn't necessarily just work the way that you've seen it on TV or your friends talk to you about because we have this nature that's inside of this. We have this biology that's inside of us. I know I'm just like going off on a rant here. So, all right, Angela. Oh yes, I've done lots of rewarding, lots of things that you guys have taught doesn't seem to be working. Yeah, I mean, it kind of depends, right? It depends on what's going on with him as well. Maybe he gets the idea, but he's got something else that's going on and you gotta kind of figure out what it is. If he's in the UK and you're in the United States, that's a, you know, he might be in this world where he's like starting to come to reality where he's like, okay, I'm in the UK. She's in the United States. It's at least a eight plus hour flight for us to see each other. She's probably hanging out with other people. Maybe he's out hanging out with other people. There's a lot of things that are going on. And it's kind of, it's a tricky situation, right? Long distance stuff. It's starting to happen more and more and more because our world is getting smaller and smaller, but it can be really challenging to be in those kinds of situations. Is it bad to date a married poly man? Says Maria, depends, depends on what you want. If you never want him to be fully committed to you, then it's okay. If you just want to be a sexual partner with him and get kind of emotional needs potentially met and never be in a fully committed relationship, it's fine. If you want something more, don't do it. Don't do it. Hi unrelated, but, and I don't know. So Salt says, if this is something, this is gonna make any sense. I'm struggling to grieve over a breakup. What does that mean? You're struggling to grieve over a breakup. Like you're not struggling or you're grieving. Which one you're saying? That's right. I'm now watched his actions and his words, but it's crazy. How have we ignored? Okay, so that looks like it's it. We've hit an hour and 12 minutes. So I hope you enjoyed this video. Thank you so much for being a part of our community. If you want your questions answered by a coach, by a coach, check out the goddesscommunity.com and you can sign up for free. Maria says, I don't mean to date him exclusively. If you don't care that you might get attached to him and he's married already, I mean, go for it, whatever. We don't really talk about that kind of thing on here because we talk about kind of committed relationships, women that wanna get into committed relationships. Polly relationships are, they're weird. They can be fine, but they can also be really, really weird. So, all right, so thank you everybody and I will speak with you again soon.