 Good morning and good afternoon to our viewers joining us from around the world. My name is Stephanie Ogorsalek and I am a senior policy advisor in the Secretary's Office of Global Women's Issues at the US Department of State. Today's program commemorates both Human Rights Day and the final day of the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, which is a global campaign that promotes awareness towards gender-based violence prevention and response efforts. As Secretary of State Mike Pompeo stated when the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence began on November 25th, gender-based violence is a global issue that harms millions of women and girls annually, as well as their communities and families. It undermines global peace and security and weakens the social fabric that binds families and communities together, preventing countries from achieving social stability and economic development. Today we will be discussing the various ways civil society and government representatives can work together to prevent and respond to gender-based violence in their communities. Before we begin today's discussion, I would like everyone to understand that we might discuss topics that involve sexual assault or abuse that may make people uncomfortable and everything we discuss will be to further promote the needs to respect women and girls human rights. So now it is my pleasure to introduce today's speakers. Joining us in studio is Krista Carlton, who is a licensed independent clinical social worker in the Washington, DC metro area. Krista has more than a decade of experience serving vulnerable populations impacted by trauma. Previously Krista served as the director of domestic and sexual violence programs for doorway for women and families in Arlington, Virginia. She also served on Arlington County's Project Peace, which stands for partnering to end abuse in the community for everyone. Joining us virtually is Patricia McLean. Patricia is a photojournalist and the founder of Finding Our Voices, Breaking the Silence of Domestic Abuse, a project that includes a touring exhibit of portraits and audio of domestic domestic abuse survivors. Her current project draws from her own experience surviving 29 years of emotional and physical abuse at the hands of her ex-husband. Patricia writes a column for The Free Press in Maine, which explores social justice issues through the women she encounters on her worldwide travels. I would also like to introduce our live audience joining us from the US Embassy, Ankara in Turkey. Hello, everyone. Thank you for joining us. We also have viewing groups gathered in US embassies and American spaces around the world, including in the Czech Republic, Belarus, in Istanbul, Turkey, Cyprus, Nigeria, Ghana, and the Republic of Congo. We look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts and opinions during today's program and look forward to your questions. Please write your questions or comments in the chat box next to the video player and we will try to answer as many questions as possible during the course of today's program. So I'd like to start our discussion today by getting a better understanding of the issue of gender-based violence. One of the many challenges when discussing how to address gender-based violence is that it encompasses many different forms of violence, from domestic violence to early enforced marriage, to violence against women in politics, and may look different depending upon the context. So, Krista, we'll go to you first. What are the primary forms of gender-based violence that you encounter in your work? Thank you, Stephanie. Well, my work has been primarily domestic and I've worked in the fields of intimate partner and dating violence, as well as sexual assault, running various programs that support survivors of those forms of violence, including a court advocacy program, so helping people with obtaining protective orders and navigating the systems around custody and divorce and whatever is needed on the civil side, as well as partnering around criminal prosecution, running a hospital-accompaniment program, so helping people to get forensic exams, so that they can keep as many doors open as possible with navigating how they move forward after abuse. I also ran the safe house and safe apartments in Kennel, so if there was anyone who was in imminent danger and fleeing that situation, we would be able to take them in temporarily and help them stabilize and move into their own housing, as well as running a 24-hour hotline for Arlington County. Wow. So, it sounds like your work has focused really on both the immediate and long-term needs of survivors, and I'm sure we'll get into some of that further in a few minutes. Patricia, welcome to you as well. What are the primary forms of gender-based violence that you have encountered in your work? Thank you, Stephanie. And I just want to say hi to the Ankara audience because two years ago I joined the March in Istanbul on International Women's Day, and that was an amazing experience. In Maine, where I live, half of all homicides are domestic abuse-related. What I see since my project has gotten publicity and since my own situation of abuse was very public is that there are lots and lots of women who are not of the stereotype of a domestic abuse victim. They're sophisticated, they're educated, successful, and they are being terrorized or have been terrorized by their boyfriends and husbands for months, years, sometimes decades. And that form, it takes many forms. It's emotional and psychological, it's huge, and then there is sometimes the physical violence or the threat of physical violence, but it's a lot of mind control. Thank you, Patricia. And I think you're making it a really important point that we know the statistic is that one in three women will be a victim of some sort of gender-based abuse in her lifetime. So we don't always have the perfect idea of what that looks like. I think that's a really interesting point. Krista, we'll go back to you. I would be interested in your thoughts on why gender-based violence is such a pervasive barrier to community empowerment and to economic growth. We know this type of violence violates the human rights of women and girls, but how do the side effects impact not just victims but also their families and communities? Well, that inequality is really embedded in our culture. And so the primary victim of trauma, of intimate partner violence or sexual assault, is going to be affected. And by extension, their support systems, their families, their communities will also be impacted by that secondary trauma. What we've seen is that research is also showing that trauma can be passed down through the genes, so it's not only a first-generational impact but then intergenerational impact. And trauma really prevents people from reaching their full potential and optimizing their well-being, which by extension is going to prevent society from really flourishing. And have you seen ways in which maybe violence in the home has affected children and their ability to succeed in school? This is becoming a really popular area in the field, is really understanding how child welfare can partner with community-based advocates to support the welfare of children who are impacted by domestic violence. Not only are their brains forming, and this really is a critical time of child development, when that trauma is introduced into that environment, it's going to impact their development. It'll impact their relational capacities for years to come. That fear and that understanding of what trust is meant to look like with the people who are meant to keep us safe and to show us what love and healthy relationships really look like is a major concern for child development. And as we're seeing, it's not just children who witness domestic violence, it's also just being in the home. They're aware of those tensions that exist and babies, even though they don't have the language and people often think that they can't comprehend what's going on. Their brains are absorbing what's going on around them, and it's having a detrimental impact on their development moving forward. Wow. Patricia, how have you seen gender-based violence impact families and communities in the context of your work? Yeah, I can build on what Christa just said. It really short circuits the potential for women, because sometimes the men will not let the women go back to school and will not let them get going on a career. And then also, as far as the children goes, a lot of the women in our project, we think that we're protecting our kids and that maybe they don't see the violence and we try to keep everything nice in the household, but then we come to find out that the kids are severely affected and they take in everything that's happened. And we have women who thought they were protecting their kids and then there's suicides, their kids commit suicide, and then they also drinking and drugs and really related to the trauma that they suffered from being in the household. Thank you for that. I want to follow up on this point by asking about the role that men and boys can play in preventing gender-based violence and working towards response. Incorporating men and boys to become agents of change and advocates to end violence against women and girls is an essential element to solving a global problem. And we're making progress in this area, but we know there's so much more to be done. So Patricia, maybe we'll go back to you first for this one. How can we better educate and engage as partners in violence prevention men, boys, and society as a whole? Yeah, it's really important to pull in the men and the boys. One thing is, I think education, and I discovered from speaking, I started with the high school, then I went to middle school and from talking to the middle school boys, particularly, I realized we've got to get into the elementary school because already by middle school they have really screwed up notions and they just don't know. No one has sat down and explained to them what is healthy and what is not healthy. And I also think that role models are really important in society and anyone that boys will look up to or men, and that's politicians and sports figures, football players and entertainers. R. Kelly, even my ex-husband, Don McLean, when they're discovered to have been abusive and intimate with their girlfriends or wives, there really needs to be some consequences publicly for them and with their career, just for the message that would send that this is not condoned by society. Yeah, the role of social norms in media I think is a really interesting piece of all of this. Krista, what recommendations do you have on improving our engagement of men and boys in prevention of gender-based violence? So I agree wholeheartedly with Patricia that really it starts with education and early childhood education, helping all children understand what healthy relationships look like, what equitable relationships look like, what does consent mean, what does that sound like, what does healthy masculinity look like. And to your point, we have a lot of ideas of gender norms and traditional gender roles and what healthy masculinity really means and what toxic masculinity means and really needing to help our children process that and grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults. It's also really important to recognize that disproportionately men and boys have been the perpetrators of gender-based violence and without them taking accountability and being part of the issue, we will not be able to end it. Have you seen in your work any successful examples of engaging men and boys or do you think this is an area where we really need to be focusing more in the future? There is a push to engage more men and boys and specifically looking at what are those strategies look like. So there are a number of speakers who do travel the country giving seminars specifically to high school populations and their parents to really help them understand how do we start having these conversations at home. It can be really difficult for parents to approach those conversations but really talking about what does bystander intervention look like and how can we make it cool to take that responsibility when you see that there's a red flag or that someone's in trouble, how can you step up and really demonstrate to everybody else in the room that that's the person that we all want to be. Thank you Christa and Patricia. I want to turn to our audience at US Embassy Ankara and Turkey and give you a chance to share with us some of your thoughts on this topic. Can you give us a better idea of the priority GBV issues that you see in your country and perhaps what changes you believe are needed to address these issues? Hello. First I decided not to speak but I'm coming from a civil organization, civil society organization, a chairwoman of a civil society organization. I see that I am one of those persons who has lived the negative adverse impacts of the gender-based violence. So on Sunday I was together, I saw law enforcement officers who were committing violence against women in Turkey who were demonstrating in a civilian manner. I see that the cost of this gender-based violence, the cost of it between 2018 and 2019 is the murder of 2,865 women in Turkey. So I believe that this is a very important issue because there are prejudices and I see that in the recent times the violence against women in Turkey has turned into a terrible violence and there might be some people who are not taking it as a horrifying thing. There are some people considering violence against women as a rotten thing and because of the decisions of the judicial bodies who are taking decisions which show which consider these acts not as violent is a very important issue and this actually leads to a roadmap to other law enforcement units or other people to commit new violence against women because we see that in Turkey there is a very tough, very huge masculinity. It starts with circumcision because this ego of masculine ego starts with circumcision at the very earlier ages of the boys. So the boys are trained, they are actually brought up in Turkey in a manner that they think that I can do any crime, any violence against women even if I am imprisoned, I can only go to the prison for a very short time so I can just spend a short time in prison and I can come back to the society and continue my acts. But in the recent times of course we had a lot of initiatives. Let me give you the numeric statistics. 450,000 people have been trained actually as regards this issue in Turkey by means of international meetings held by United Nations but as you might be concerned in 2016 there was a coup attempt in Turkey which I hope that no country will face. So this has led to a transformation in the law enforcement officers and units but I don't want to waste your time. Can I just restate your question? I just want to make sure for our speakers that we have it. I'm asking my question. What are we going to do as the civil society organizations? What will be our role? Because just working is not enough and in order to implement the government policies, in order to implement the state's policies, very important for us as you may be concerned. What will the activism of the civil society organizations will be? What role will be? Thank you. So I think just to restate I think the question is about the role of civil society organizations and then I also heard a point about the importance of accountability of perpetrators of the form of deterrence of future violence. So maybe I'll turn to Patricia first for your reaction to either of those points. Yeah I can really relate to what this person was saying in the U.S. it's not domestic abuse is not taken seriously in the courts. Right now in Maine a man could someone could put like bruises all over the woman's body and that's still considered a misdemeanor. I think it's only it becomes more serious than a misdemeanor if there's broken bones or and then also restraining orders. These guys are violating restraining orders and there's no they get away with it time after time and it's not taken seriously and there's just got the people have got to get serious about this I mean women are dying and they're dying a lot of them are dying and the courts have got to start getting serious and enforcing making better laws and enforcing the laws. Thank you Patricia. Krista any thoughts from your perspective? I would add just how important it is that the private sector is working in tandem with the public sector. I've worked very closely with law enforcement and special victims units over the years and really seen law enforcement with the capability to make the shift of being coming more victim-centered and really recognizing the gravity of domestic violence it is one of the most dangerous and lethal calls that our police officers can go out on and so there's a number of different campaigns that have been started to support them in shifting their understanding of the issue and really recognizing the need to be trauma informed when they're responding to victims. Not only I certainly agree with Patricia that we need more accountability we need the courts to take issues more seriously we need additional legislation but one of the complicating factors in this issue is that it's really rooted in power and control and when victims are leaving situations or looking at how they'd like to address the situation we really have to be mindful that we are not stripping them of additional power and control and a lot of times when people interact with formal systems that tends to be what happens. So I can say that some things that have helped us over the years ensure that we obtain the evidence and are working with people effectively is that we have the opportunity for forensic exams and their confidential confidentiality is paramount and that's really the role that community-based advocates play as they have the highest level of confidentiality as opposed to systems-based advocates might need to report a crime or they might start a ball rolling in the system that that's victim might not be ready for and if you lose the victim's trust and their power in this situation then you have nothing so it's really important that victims voices are being incorporated but also that there is really close collaboration between law enforcement between the medical community between educators victim advocates the courts and what we do in the United States is we have something called a coordinated community response and it's a committee that meets and you know you can have subcommittees and all kinds of things how you structure your system but it's really looking across disciplines and how can we join together and address ending the issue as well as ensuring that the supports are really there for victims. It sounds like it's really important for victims to understand their options and their rights and what you know pathways are available to them so maybe even just making sure that people are aware and informed. Absolutely. So US Embassy Ankara we'll go back to you before we open up the discussion to our viewing groups elsewhere. Do you have another issue you would like to raise or a question for our panelists? Hi this is Seville Sevillakis from Urietta News. I just want to ask about your point or your advice for the issue of reporting media reporting on gender based violence actually as far as we know some stereotypes the language the media is using is I mean we're trying to change that language here in Turkey in particular we are talking about Turkey but I'd like to ask your point of view and your I mean special warnings for this language. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the question. I think just to restate the question I think it's about the role the important role that media has in reporting on on cases and maybe the responsibility of media as well Patricia given that this is you know in your line of work made people go to you first. Yeah the media has a really important part to play one thing that they keep doing is if there's a domestic abuse homicide they'll frame it a jealousy or love you know this person was just so jealous that they ended up doing this this is not a one time when someone is killed over this it's not a one time jealous thing it's a constant day in and day out control issue and so I think they need to take the romance aspect out of it and also stop quoting neighbors as saying what a nice guy this person was and recognize that these people present really well and no one is going to be aware that how abusive they are unless that person is in the household with them and also I think that with my experience sometimes the media just gives the abuser in the interest of both sides a platform to continue to abuse and it's they've got to be really clear who the victim is and who the perpetrator is and not provide that platform and also cover cover this more and not buy into the stereotype so much so really photojournalists like I really would like them to stop showing the the woman as a pitiful person with a black eye and in my project the woman when you look at their photos in finding our voices you would not know that they're domestic abuse survivors and that just points out that it's women everywhere who are just like us and it could happen to anybody and I think a lot of times people are surprised to hear the statistics about prevalence rates and you know part of that probably does have to do with what we're seeing in the media just Patricia I want to just go back to you for one more second if you've seen any other best practices in your work in terms of you know what when has the media gotten it right and I know you mentioned a way in which photojournalists have you know maybe been able to do this but have you seen any other best practices that you'd like to share yeah someone just forwarded me the other day something in turkey an artist has done an art project with high heels I think and maybe 400 plus on a building to show the 400 plus women who were murdered in domestic violence in turkey and the media covered that and so by covering projects like that and getting a word out about them is is wonderful that's really that's I'd say that's best practice is just when there's projects like this just get them out to as many people as you can thank you so now let's take some questions from our online viewers a viewer at us embassy abuja in Nigeria asks from a global perspective how far reaching would you say the impact of the 16 days of activism against gender-based violence has been Chris I don't know if you have any thoughts about that and sort of our you know our conversation that we're having today and you know how that might impact well these kinds of conversations are critical to bringing a spotlight to the issue and keeping it at the forefront and having you know the different sectors of society coming together and people across the world to discuss that this issue really is pervasive across the world is very important for helping us all brainstorm what have been the best practices what have we seen be effective how do we need to tweak things in different cultures to really support ending this issue Patricia any thoughts from your perspective yeah I would say that when we're in these situations we think we're alone and just from my project and then also from traveling and just in the past month or so seeing somebody from I think it was Botswana and then in Rome and just different places where it's it's all the same it's about power and control no matter where you are and no matter who the perpetrator is and I think it's really helpful this international program to look outside of our town as of our state as out of our country and recognize the dynamic of intimate partner abuse is is the same it's a pattern and we've got to really look at it that way and it also makes people it's it's good for people to understand that but it's not just happening to them and that there's a lot of people out there that they can gather with and try to find solutions with yeah I think the solutions are key and I think that's part of what we hope to achieve today even as sharing sharing best practices and learning from each other's experience so we have another question from a viewer in Kano Nigeria when people hear the phrase gender-based violence people often assume it only pertains to women is it only a feminist issue or only an issue affecting women um Christa maybe we'll start with you again um so the way that I think about gender-based violence is that it disproportionately affects a certain gender identity um and so today we're talking about specifically violence against women um specifically my work has been focused on intimate partner violence dating violence and sexual assault but we also know that the LGBT community faces disproportionate numbers in terms of victimization with sexual violence and intimate partner violence as well so I'd say it's not just a feminist issue it affects all sexual orientations and all gender identities across the spectrum um but we have to talk about it in different contexts of who has been a marginally marginalized group or oppressed traditionally um and how are we supporting raising up those voices and recognizing the seriousness of those issues yeah and I think as we were talking a little bit about earlier the role of gender roles and it's not just you know we need to not just focus on women but also the ways in which men and women interact and how that sort of expectations are are playing into the dynamics here as well um Patricia I want to give you a chance to respond as well I think it is important to keep the focus on women be women because otherwise it dilutes the issue the issue and the vast majority of these people who are being terrorized in their homes by their intimate partners are women but we also have to recognize that um you know on the side to recognize that yes men are abused in their relationships also and we had a survivor speaks panel at my last exhibit and we invited someone on there who grew up in a home where his father beat up and otherwise abused his mother all through while he was growing up he didn't see himself as a survivor but he is a survivor of domestic abuse so um in that regard too um men are and boys are very affected by that thank you for that we have another question from a viewer in Accra Ghana how do you help survivors of rape if there are no safe homes to keep them the lack of adequate safe houses is forcing victims to be put back in homes where these abuses occur um I know Krista you touched a little bit on this earlier that this has sort of come up in your work would you like to respond to that absolutely so um years ago the most popular way to support people after an incident of violence when there is imminent danger present a risk of lethality would be safe houses um but really the ability to keep those locations confidential and to really keep them safe um becomes increasingly difficult over the years and best practice has really moved in the direction of recognizing that the survivor shouldn't have to be the one to uproot everything about their life that if we had better accountability and better protections then we would be able to keep survivors in their home and it would be the abuser that we would remove um in the intermediary where our systems are catching up to those needs uh one of the most popular um solutions has been to integrate people into larger apartment buildings so having a scattered site system um so that there's still that private place for them to live but also to have the confidentiality if they need to stay undercover from someone who is looking for them there's a whole range of safety planning that we do before people get to the point of really needing to kind of go into hiding um so there's a lot of opportunities for helping people reestablish their sense of safety and protection prior to actually having them leave their entire situation um and so what we'll do on a hotline is we'll talk with someone and provide additional psycho education do an assessment and then help make recommendations for safety planning and really it's a last resort to have someone removed from their home um and so I hear that affordable housing is an issue it is absolutely an issue in this country and it needs to be addressed um but there are a lot of other opportunities for helping people find safety separate from housing sounds like whatever the solution confidentiality is is key um patricia any any thoughts yeah we have one person one woman in our in our group and she told me the statistic she said that uh 99 percent of times in domestic abuse there's a financial abuse as well and that that seemed to be far-fetched to me at the time but I see that more and more and uh the financial piece is is really huge because that's what keeps people keeps women trapped in these situations um so I think that really needs to be addressed as far as um a fund maybe uh and maybe you could get the money from the fines of the perpetrators to be able to give women some money to get on to the road road of independence um so it's not just a place to live to be safe but if they want to leave their situation uh they're going to need some money to be able to set themselves up because financial abuse is is really a big part of this the way the men will um keep the woman from making money and keeping money and that's just another way to keep her dependent thank you for that um we have another question from a viewer in istanbul turkey who asks how can we talk about the gender-based violence issues with people from all genders whose culture tells them that gender-based violence is the norm so I think going back to you know some of what we've talked about earlier how how to sort of address these social norms around gender-based violence and you know what can we really do to to overcome those um patrician maybe we'll go back to you first this time well that's a good question I it seems like some country's religion is what is keeping these women subservient but then you come to find out that there's really nothing in the religion that states it it's just how these men in power are interpreting it so um when you have something that's so entrenched in the culture uh what what to do I think just conversations maybe I don't really know but that needs that definitely needs to be looked at and I know something we've talked about is to your point you know also looking at positive ways to engage religious leaders and faith communities around gender-based violence prevention and response and understanding that you know they can also be a resource so trying to engage in a positive way particularly in places where religious communities are particularly respected or or you know working with communities. Krista any thoughts from your work? I would say listening is a really important piece of starting those conversations is really understanding the perspective of the person who you're working with and I see survivors also coming in with a lot of questions and doubts about what they experienced and how they want to define that and so it's really critical to pause and to listen and really get a very good understanding of where the other person is coming from before you begin to add new information and kind of dismantle that belief system and I agree with Patricia that there's certain people in society who are going to have remarkable influence and so being strategic about identifying those leaders with the potential for change and progress and working with them individually on shifting some of those attitudes over time it's a slow process changing culture but it's possible. Hopefully through more conversations like this one we can keep keep the conversation going. We have another viewer in Abuja who asks a question about how do we reintegrate survivors of gender-based violence in the community? Krista I know you spoke a little bit about this earlier but what are your thoughts? So in our programs a lot of the times I was working with folks who are most vulnerable if you have a personal social support system then most likely you're going to lean on them in times of hardship and so the folks who were coming into the programs that I was running it tended to be folks who were already in poverty, who were underemployed, who didn't have access to education, growing up and so that really prevented them from being able to just move forward from the issue and so while they were staying with us there were a number of different programs we offered mental health counseling, we offered economic empowerment counseling, children's counseling and so really understood that it was a multi-layered issue and help people kind of pick and choose what would make sense for them and then we'd sit down and help them individualize their goals and figure out what it was that they needed to achieve those goals and how it was that we were going to support them. So it's a very individualized process but really one of the first things that needs to happen is helping that person reestablish a sense of safety and power and control to be able to navigate the world again in a way where they feel safe. Patricia what have you seen in your work has been sort of a best practice or something that has worked to help survivors reintegrate into communities? What I've seen is shame keeps women isolated and I think that we just have to get out the message that the shame is not our shame it's the abuser's shame and if we could also get out the message how pervasive intimate partner abuse is so people can understand that it is all around us it happens to everybody I think that would go a long way to helping women identify that it happened to them and be able to help them to move forward just and using their voices like for us the women that have used their voices and found their voices and are using their voices to talk about their situations it's extremely empowering. Thank you. From a viewer in Kano, Nigeria again we have a question going back to our earlier discussion about the role in the media so journalists in Nigeria advocate against domestic violence but they're criticized by some people who feel like they're going against the traditional culture. Are there forms of support to protect them if they speak out? So Patricia maybe I'll go back to you first for this question. Do you mean support the victims if they speak out or I don't really understand how that would apply to... I think the question is about the media so the role of supporting like media and reporting on gender-based violence cases when this might be seen as controversial to report on? Well that's crucial in reporting on it is crucial and just I just applaud every journalist out there and especially in countries where it's not easy to report the truth for doing that because shining light on the problem is the first step to fixing it and their heroes the journalists who are doing that especially if it's it makes it difficult for them where they are to do so. Any thoughts from your question? Nothing formal that I'm aware of that protects journalists overseas but certainly it takes advocates and people who are willing to take a step forward and amplify those voices of victims and survivors and so personal safety planning it will be really important depending on what the reaction is and really identifying who those social supports are who are going to be there for you when you do take a step into those controversial arenas. Yeah I think that's a really good point. We have another question from Nigeria from Abuja. How can women in rural areas be helped to access information that will enable them to report issues of gender-based violence? I imagine this is something you've come across in your work Krista. Yes so I think in the international arena really the emphasis is on folks from those communities really helping to identify what solutions would make the most sense. Reporting is very difficult and before you can even get to a place of reporting you have to ensure that there's trust in law enforcement that we know you know how the case is going to proceed once there's been a report what the reaction of the person taking the report is going to look like so some of those logistical challenges really I can't speak to it would be we up to that individual community but there's a lot of layers in terms of the barriers that people experience with regard to interacting with those formal systems and reporting. Patricia? Yeah I would just say that in rural communities the person is more isolated than ever and sometimes the abuser's family is adding to it and making things really difficult for her so this is where the police it's really important that they do the outreach so that the as Krista was saying so that the woman can feel safe in in going there and then in in Maine anyway we have wonderful domestic abuse agencies that do reach out to within their communities to their most rural parts so that's that's fantastic and I would wish that that would exist everywhere and so more funding for the domestic abuse agencies victim agencies who help these women in outreach to them. So it sounds like making it a priority for governments to ensure that the services that are available are available you know not just in urban areas but also that they can reach rural areas yeah I think that's a great point so we're going to go back to U.S. Embassy Ankara now do you have questions for our panelists and maybe we'll take a few questions from you all before we go back to our panelists for answers. Hello my name is Hilal Köylü. Thank you for this event for you all and I'm gonna continue in Turkish because I'm gonna back up to Mrs. Canan Gülü. Violence is increasing in Turkey and while violence is on the increase in Turkey it is always higher up on the agenda so there is an increase of violence by police and there is an increase of domestic violence so law enforcement and political ruling party the government and this is the same everywhere in the world if this is their defense the law enforcement and the government try to impose that all men and all governments all police officers around the world behave like this so you're talking about orange the world what kind of counter arguments we can use and what kind of a global action or global defense against such rhetoric can be used because some governments are more resistant to change and so how can we tell the governments everywhere in the world that this can be done so what are your opinions? Okay maybe we'll respond to that question first and we'll go back to Ankara so I think the question is about really the role of what can civil society do to get governments more engaged on this issue I'll let you guys respond from your experiences you know what you've seen from the US perspective but also just if you have thoughts on the question in general. Sure so I'd say from the US perspective we're constantly trying to move the needle forward and so advocacy is a huge piece of what we're doing all the time so that's not just advocacy at a political level but also at the community level and as Patricia is doing really raising up the voices of people who have been directly impacted by the issue to help inform what needs to happen next and so really being able to have an open dialogue and shine the light on the issue sharing stories seems to really be impactful to generate change so continuing to amplify those stories and helping people understand that it's not an issue that affects somebody else it is the issue that is affecting you know the people in your family and maybe even you. Patricia? Yeah I would just echo that again the sharing the stories is crucial because you and also a sisterhood like just women getting together and sharing their stories because we're stronger together and one person feels alone but if you gather with more and more women and your voices get louder and stronger and that seems to be a way to get noticed get attention and get change. Thank you so we'd love to go back to Ankara if there are more questions from our viewing group there. Hello my name is Hazal Kaya my question is I'm working with children and I observe children while they're doing some artwork and they don't seem to be prone to use violence so when they become adults what is the average age when that child starts mimicking the role model and at what age that child changes and become more prone to be a violent is there a specific age interval for that. Thank you for that question yeah I think I think the question is about social norms again and how children learn the behaviors that maybe drive gender-based violence and how at what age that happens and maybe that will also get to a discussion of how to prevent that so Patricia I'll go to you first. Well anecdotally I've heard of kids like three years old or two and three acting out boys will act out in a violent way and from something going on in their home so it starts really really young. So I would add that it is a little bit of a misconception that someone who has grown up in an abusive household is necessarily going to be abusive themselves and specifically that boys are going to be abusive themselves if they've grown up in an abusive household. Certainly those influences take root in terms of their understanding of what love means and what a healthy relationship looks like but they're not necessarily predisposed to becoming violent themselves there's a lot of other variables that go into that piece. So I think what we see from children is obviously you know they mimic what their role models show them and they learn based on the relationships that they have and the interactions that they have and so sometimes they'll be expressing those behaviors more often we'll see boys externalizing their behaviors and so you might see that they're becoming aggressive towards others and typically we tend to see girls internalizing behaviors there might be self-harming or eating disorders or things like that but every child is going to be really individual in terms of what their response and resiliency looks like and what their needs look like. So I'm so excited to hear that there's art therapy that's taking place and that children are getting the services they need because sometimes they're forgotten in domestic violence situations but thankfully you know we don't have the predictors that they're going to become violent themselves and there's lots of opportunity to support their well-being and optimize their development even after the experience of early childhood trauma. And I think that when we spoke earlier about engaging men and boys you know we're we're not just waiting to engage with men right we also want to engage the boys but not just boys also girls and really yeah starting from a young age so I think that's that's a really important point. Do we have another question from Ankara? Hello, I'm coming from Konya. I have a political background so I had the opportunity to meet with different sectors of society since the beginning of the conversations here you're talking about the fact that it's the women who are subject to violence and Patricia said that women should share their stories and raise their voice but in Turkey there is an interesting situation fathers generally are not engaged with the children's lives it's mostly the mothers who take care of them who discipline them and most of the reasons why husbands use violence against their wives is because they are provoked by their own mothers so the mother-in-law really provokes the men against the wife or vice versa so this actually this violence is provoked by another woman who is the mother of the men the husband so let me now ask my question how is this going about in the US? Okay so just to restate the question thank you for that I think the question was one you know the role of both mothers and fathers in in the family in terms of you know the roles that fathers might have in children's lives and then also the broader influence of a more extended family on on relationships as well as violence within families so maybe Patricia I'll turn to you first. Yeah I think women just have to start or continue to or start supporting other women that that is true that sometimes a woman will say something that's hurtful about domestic violence or a woman will say oh it that would never happen to me if if someone put his hand to me then that would be the end of relationship so I just yeah I think sometimes we just have to recognize that women need to support other women and it's not doesn't always happen and I'd say when I hear questions like that or examples like that I really think about the clinical perspective and what's going on for different people like Patricia said you know one of the things that we do to help us feel safe psychologically as we other and we find ways to distance ourselves from the experiences the tragic and traumatic experiences of other people and so that sort of what Patricia is talking about is that opportunity that we have to say this could never happen to me and so I'm going to be safe and it's very difficult to help people get beyond that and then I think to the point of the mother-in-law is it's you know something that we see in the United States is really that the relationship between caregivers and children is critical to what attachment looks like and attachment speaks to what those relationships are going to look like as people move into adulthood and so as people move into adulthood if they are triggered themselves by something that took place in their own childhood or what their experiences look like then their reaction may not be what it is that you know we would hope in terms of peaceful and healthy and positive response and so I really kind of go back to the clinical piece of thinking that you know those changes have to start from a very early age but it's so multi-layered because of gender norms because of the way that families are set up we have a similar issue in the United States where there are a lot of absent fathers in certain families and so it's really on mom to figure out how to navigate and how to teach her boys and her her girls and you know any other gender identity that might be in the family what healthy relationships look like if you haven't had those opportunities growing up and you are triggered yourself when you're parenting then it's going to be more challenging for you to have a peaceful and positive household ongoing. Thank you both for that now let's take some final questions from our online viewers a viewer in Istanbul asks what would be your recommendations for detecting dating violence and non-physical violence early in relationships and how to prevent it so Krista I'll go to you first this time. So there are some different tools that we use in the United States to help educate kids about the issues one major popular one is the Duluth model it's the power and control wheel that really breaks down the different forms of violence and gives very specific examples of what that looks like and so not physical violence but it could be emotional violence just the controlling behaviors that are red flags and we'll do an activity with teens where we have green flags yellow red red flags we'll describe the behavior and we'll ask the kids to figure out you know which flag it is and then we have a discussion about it and it really helps them understand that it's a very nuanced issue it's it's not black and white and everyone's experience of these kinds of behaviors is not the same but also helping them understand what the cycle of violence looks like so that they begin to be familiar with the patterns um so that if they are entering into a relationship then they have a little bit more knowledge one of the major challenges is that abusers are very effective in their gas lighting techniques and what we talk a lot about in our trainings is that people don't generally go on a first date and suffer major physical abuse it is a very slow situation kind of thinking about you know the frog if you jump him into the boiling water he's going to jump right out but if the frog has been in the water and you start the turning up the heat they're not necessarily recognizing so it can be really difficult for people in this situation to see that slow build happening and so it's also very important that support systems can raise their hand and say hey i'm really concerned about something i'm seeing um and provide a very non-judgmental space for that person to talk about what they might be experiencing in their relationship so as far as these trainings are concerned like what age um youth would you usually work with so typically we're doing um that specific dating violence with teenagers um but we're getting into the elementary schools and the middle schools to talk more about consent and healthy relationships um and power and control dynamics sort of separate from getting into the really specific behaviors and the sexuality that tends to come with adolescents thank you Patricia yeah the education is crucial and in addition to showing the power and control wheel uh it's really good to show a wheel like how love should be so you could show people what a healthy relationship looks like and then just for everyone to keep their eyes open and when they observe something to to say something in as Chris has said in a non-judgmental way but uh maybe if you see um a relationship and the guy is putting her down or she looks afraid or she looks like she's walking on eggshells around him just to be aware of all that and um keep your eyes open thank you um we have another question from Istanbul a viewer asks what are the risks of seeing gender-based violence as an issue that only happens in the domestic private sphere what is the best way to address gender-based violence in the workplace or I would even add in transportation um other places um Patricia I mean we'll go to you first this time um could you sort of explain I don't really understand the question um I think they're asking about gender-based violence that's not just in the home so you know maybe ways in which women might experience violence um in the workplace or in their communities or in public transportation or in other places and um what does that look like and how can we prevent it is that like would you say sexual harassment it sounds like that would be sexual harassment sure um yeah I'm sexual harassment I don't know to say about that I mean it is huge I sort of see that as separate from um domestic abuse where domestic abuse is but is with intimate partners um so I don't really know what to say about that that's okay we'll go to Krista for this one too so I can jump in because certainly on the hotline that that I ran we had a range of experiences of callers um and so with regards to people just understanding the pervasiveness of sexual harassment and how it has capped women's potential it's coming more into the forefront there are more stories coming out about um this taking place years over years and the different people are in power who keep that system in place and who keep abusers um with the opportunity to continue abusing so I'd say it's very similar to in the domestic sphere that we need more accountability we more need more legislation with consequences I've had a lot of HR departments call and ask us to provide training to their employees so helping them understand what respectful interactions look like and really helping these are uncomfortable conversations for a lot of people to have and so they're not exactly sure how to start them and so reaching out to your local organizations who are more comfortable you know beginning conversations about the topic that's a great place to start helping to educate everybody and to ensure that there's knowledge of what that standard is meant to be and that the people in power are the ones who are responding and taking those things seriously and again confidentiality is really important so if it's your boss is your harasser then you're going to need another way to be able to report and so being mindful of just the power and control that goes along with getting help yeah and even if the power dynamics sort of drive that relationship are similar and it's been partner violence or violence in the workplace obviously the concerns about you know losing your job and knowing what your rights actually are so important there so um yeah I think the training that you mentioned is really important so we have time for one more question and our final question is coming from Akra Gana again thank you Akra for your questions today aside from activism what are some other ways we can engage youth to actively prevent gender-based violence um so maybe I'll go to you Christa first for just yeah specifically youth how how can we really get youth interested in this topic and engaged um so the key is other youth in Arlington what we've seen is we under the project peace community we also have a youth group called the Healthy Relationships Task Force and it was spearheaded by some concerned girls who had older sisters who experienced dating violence and sexual assault when they went on to college and so it became an issue that was really important to them and when people have that personal connection to the issue their passion really comes through and they can engage others around the issue and so we've seen that healthy relationships task force really be able to gain support and it's not just one high school that participates it's multiple high schools and we make sure that there's pizza food is always important um and they do have a an adult facilitator but it's really about them giving voice and so what is it that they're seeing what is it that they're interested in doing rather than adults telling them this is what we need to do it's the opportunity for them to really get creative and figure out what are our concerns and what might be be able to do about it that's exciting um patricia the final word to you what what have you seen has worked in terms of getting youth um engaged and and you know excited about working on gender-based violence prevention uh yeah i guess just letting them have their own voice and not bringing the adult's voice in it to try to um shape it and uh encouraging them and providing them maybe the platform in the community to the space and the platform to be able to um bring their message out to uh as many people as possible thank you and unfortunately we are almost out of time but i want to say thank you again to christia and patricia for your time and participation and thank you to our live viewing group in angra um we would also like to thank our viewing groups gathered at us consulate general istanbul turkey american space ostrava check republic neu american corner in cyprus us embassy akra and gana us embassy abuja nigeria american space bouchie nigeria american space joss nigeria american space khanu nigeria american corners in dar nijer republic and american corner brazilville the republic of congo and the american corner and bar novici and belarus to all of our viewing groups thank you again your participation today made this a great program and in closing i would like to say that preventing violence against women and girls requires a coordinated effort and the steadfast dedication of governments the private sector and civil society to create an enduring impact we hope our discussion provided our viewers with additional additional knowledge and tools that can help you address underlying risk factors for gender based violence in your communities we also hope you continue the discussion online using the hashtag 16 days and in person in your respective countries and communities on behalf of the secretary's office of global women's issues thank you and goodbye