 So today we're going to talk about soulmates and true love and the reason why I'm saying true love is did anyone see the movie Princess Bride and in the movie Wesley Was asked what do you have to live for and he says to blame? Actually, it was true love and what I think was really what he was saying in that moment Is the person I want to go all in with the person I want to marry the person? I want for the balance of my life, and I think that's what you know It's not really true love, but I like the idea that there was a Declaration in that regard But this really begs the question regarding soulmates. Oh, did you hear my voice crack in that moment? You know, it's interesting. I wrote a Blog some years ago and in the blog I wrote a quote Soulmates come there. Let me read it exactly. Okay Soulmates come into our lives teaching us lessons and our true love goes to school with us each and every day holding hands See, I think the difference is that you know when it's a lot of people get hung up on soulmates as If there's some person that you're supposed to spend the rest of your life In fact quite frankly many people have adopted the belief that Relationships are meant to go the distance and to some degree. It's understandable. Why? Why would we want to go through this experience of dating over and over again? Why would we want to go through a breakup? Why would we want to put ourselves back out there to do it over and over again? So it's understandable why we literally are so Rigid on this idea that whoever comes into our life for however long They are in our lives that they must go the distance that they must be our true love Now we have to examine the way we operate in the dating realm You know it used to be up until a few hundred years ago or less than a hundred years ago if two people wanted to Have sex they had to get married for the most part. Okay, and and I'm generalizing here That's not an absolute but for the most part that was kind of a requirement and why I'm sharing this with you when you think about our dating practices today Particularly with the advent of swipe apps Dating today is really a simple and easy way to hook up with another human being And I mean to say simple or easy. There's nothing really I mean, it's simple in that you can keep swiping swiping like you know what guys do guys, you know, it's interesting men's Discretion for whom they sleep with is a very low discretion. Okay, they will sleep with about most anyone So a lot of men just swipe swipe right swipe right swipe right on as many and whoever, you know Is also connected with them. Well, that's a prospect to potentially sleep with them And what's interesting is women swipe right at a much smaller rate In fact, I think men swipe right 60% of the time and women swipe right 5% of the time Why because women are more selective on whom they'll have sex with okay, but what's interesting Well, men will swipe 60% of the time and that means they'll sleep with 60% of the women in the dating apps roughly speaking They're discretion of who they'll actually commit to long term is much greater It's actually a much higher rate than the women's discretion to some degree Okay, as you've heard me say before and I'll say it again. This is not my quote I heard it once before women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment Okay, so why am I say I was just relate to soulmates Jonathan. Well, I'm getting there. Okay, you know me I tend to belabor a little bit See, what if all of our Short-lived encounters actually had a purpose for us in our life now short-lived could be Few dates few weeks few months maybe a year maybe a couple years What if there's an actual meaning behind it? So I want to read you a quote from Elizabeth Gilbert and she says a soulmate's purpose is to shake you up Hair you're apart your ego a little bit show you your obstacles and addictions break your heart open so new So new light can get in and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life I mean, maybe I need to read that again for everyone a soulmates I'll do it fast a soulmates purposes shake you up tear apart your ego a little bit show you your obstacles your addictions break open Your heart so new light can get in make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life So I want you to think about okay. I I'd say over the years I have spoken to hundreds of women who have had well over a hundred meet and greets meaning first dates with men Now what's so interesting about this is most of them say to me and I quote I've learned what I don't want. I've learned what I want by what I don't want So there was an actual practicality to these dating experiences Now the question begs, why do they keep experiencing things over and over again? Well, I think partly because the lesson that was meant to be learned isn't sinking in It's like the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results So let's explore a soulmate what this feels like why they enter your life and Kind of differentiate how it might relate to someone who you could actually go the distance and I think I'm particularly interested in this conversation because I'm experiencing this in my own life the recognition That all of my experiences up until this point whether it was my marriage whether it was my Significant relationship after my marriage and another significant relationship where I lived with someone and in this space I Learned so much about myself. I was exposed to so many different facets of Who I am as a person and So folks when a relationship ends I Want you to really examine could this have been a soulmate connection and Ask yourself four important questions I'll get to the true love in a moment But I really need you to get down and dirty with this because every one of you here most likely has experience to break up Maybe you're going through a break up. I know a lot of people wrote me recently. I'm going through a break up Maybe you're in a relationship right now that is tenuous Maybe you're curious to know if this is a soulmate relationship or a true love of relationship But these four questions I invite you to ask yourself. This is about really going deep and introspective You know, sadly people are more hyper focused on being angry at the person of relationship and with instead of Exploring these four things. Okay, I'm getting to it. Okay. The first question is what positive things about yourself Did you learn in this experience a? Positive things did you learn about yourself? What what did you learn that was different than before this relationship? And this isn't like well, I learned not to date a cheater I learned not to date a liar and learn not to date a narcissist. No, you didn't learn that I guarantee you'll do it over and over again Merely because you're saying those things you're going to do it over and over again, but that's another conversation The second question How have I healed from this relationship see many of you know, I continually talk about childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas I'm gonna pause for a second. I want to share something with every one of you here. I Have a significant childhood wound and trauma. This was passed down by my mother. She did this unconsciously She didn't do this with any malice. There was no abuse other than I Adopted what she how she operated and that was she was operating most of her life in what I've observed as a child of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you my brother my sister my dad all for her to feel good about herself and guess what I did I adopted that I adopted that hook line and sinker And so in many ways and when I'm I mean literally it's to the extent that I had this awareness before It's shining a light on me now Because of where I'm at my life right now that I literally Believe that a relationship would save me that being in a relationship with someone would save me that it would Would represent my self-worth in the world Can any of you relate to that that your self-worth was almost tied up to the relationship that you're in? That's the next exercise in giving one's power away Now the irony in all this is it was a lack of self-love within me and the irony is I Wrote a book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-open spiritual work There's a link below to get a copy of my book Why I'm bringing this up We teach what we need to learn I mean I really I until you experience another being with another human being and being faced with your your triggers in your wounds and your fears and your anxieties Till you're actually faced with it Are you given the chance to actually examine it at a much deeper level? So what positive things that I learned about myself? How have I healed from this relationship? This requires going deep folks It's time to wake up. It's time to break free from the surface. I'm here to say most human being move above most human beings operate at a very surface level and I'm here to encourage a Deeper understanding of who you are as a person and it starts by going at the very beginning How your negative patterns your limiting beliefs and more importantly your entire belief system was created? Started when you were a little child This is why I recommend Reading the Hoffman process this does a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas read the book attached By a mere Levine and Rachel Heller so you can learn your love attachment style again all the books recommended below and then Reading getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hut Why you actually oftentimes attract a partner in your life? That is either similar to one or both of your parents or the opposite of one or both of your parents That's the interesting part. We sometimes might have had loving parents and we choose the opposite for whatever reason It's fascinating to me how our how our Psyche works and when you begin to do a deep dive and ask in these questions of yourself You begin to Become a more magnetic attractor for what you want So the third and fourth question I invite you to ask yourself is what was good about the relationship? What was good? What were the good things you did? What were the fun things you did? you know if It amazes me how many of you lament over a person who ended a relationship with you and you were Miserable during the whole time of it like like why are you lamenting over something that was miserable? There had to be some good And I invite you to explore the good and most importantly and this is the critical piece It's to be in gratitude for the experience itself because as if they were your soulmate they came To heal the most important thing we all need healing from and That is Everyone here. I don't care who you are I don't care if you think you're the most badass person on the planet if you're the richest person on the planet You're the most beautiful person on the planet most I'm gonna say most everyone those who have done the work are not longer Experiencing this but the common wound most everyone experiences. I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable and Relationships trigger this like nobody's business and dating even triggers this like nobody's business because that's what these folks were meant to come into your life Were to trigger you and Create an opportunity for healing So what are the three keys to identifying if they're your soulmate or true love so I think first and foremost We have to differentiate number one if when you meet someone it is rather just easy It's easy to talk to them. It's easy to connect. You don't have to jump through hoops Jump through hoops scheduling dates. You don't have to jump through hoops texting one another You don't have to jump through any hoops. It's not even jumping through any hoops. It's it's rather easy To connect with them now Let me be clear about someone if you're jumping through hoops They might be a soulmate because you need the triggers to go work on yourself Because when you're really aligned in who you are and what you want from a divine perspective You will be a magnetic attractor for what I call true love and again I'm simply saying somebody who's ready and willing to go all in Okay, they're ready and willing to go all in So this is where it gets ultra tricky. It's easy to be with them Well a lot of time what the driving force is lust or limerence Lust is merely I want to fuck your brains out mostly men are thinking that and Limerence is extreme infatuation. This is where love bomb was created. It's in that extreme infatuation It's an unwarranted Extreme infatuation But many of you are suckling on the nipple if I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself So it's so tantalizing to experience that love bombing experience I'm guilty of doing it and I'm guilty of receiving it. Oh my god. I got love bombed by this one woman. Oh my god this was a Decade and a half ago and not well Yeah, I guess a decade and a half ago and it triggered all those little worthless pieces inside of me And she made me she was dropped it gorgeous. She was a multi-millionaire And it made me feel so worthy It wasn't real There was no trust built between us. It wasn't a real relationship even though it lasted for five or six So number one it's easy to be with them, but this is the tricky part Again, if it's contentious, they could be a soulmate as well And I think when you meet your true love, it's just gonna be easy number two they trigger deeper wounds They trigger the deeper wounds Those places where you feel fear they treat you trigger their deeper wounds. Whatever their wounds are you trigger it? I'll give you an example if you're an anxious Attachment style and they're avoidant your anxious will trigger their wound and Your anxiousness wait and they're they're avoid it will trigger your wound. You're being triggered That means you're with a soulmate. Okay? Doesn't necessarily mean your true love Because when you're with your true love You work through your triggers and wounds because the third piece of the puzzle is You feel compelled to express Your fears and doubts you're compelled to express your fears and doubts you are you don't have duct tape over your mouth Oh my god, so many of you women have duct tape over your mouth You're so fucking afraid to speak up because you're so happy for the crumb that they're giving you that if I say anything To disrupt this crumb Now I'm kind of exaggerating crumb and crumb could actually be significant, but it's still kind of a crumb Because if you can't speak your truth to someone Then in some ways your experience a crumb relationship So how do we know so again? Let's go back to the difference between a soulmate and true love a soulmate You can feel easy to speak with them or it could be contentious to speak with them That could be a soulmate They trigger the hell out of you in some way shape or form That could be a soulmate doesn't necessarily mean your true love and you feel compelled to share your fears and your insecurities with them and they don't run away a soulmate will run away, but the true love won't and The differentiating factor that makes it true love is that prior to ever meeting you They already have the design of they want a life partner They want a life partner. They are particular of the men. They are committed to wanting a life partner It's not well if I meet the right girl. I'll get married. No, they want a life partner They want marriage. They want some level of commitment. They want some level of partnership and So what they're seeking is someone who fills that role and The more evolved the person is the more they're seeking someone at their watermark They're seeking someone at that level has nothing to do with and and looks it you know has nothing to do with it They are seeking a soul connection with you. That's what a true love does They're seeking the soul connection now to the extent looks does matter is you got to be seen You know and you got to do you got a good representation of yourself I think it's important, you know, we have a very lazy society here in the United States We we celebrate unhealthy living we celebrate unhealthy living we celebrate toxicity The news is toxic reality shows are toxic Food is toxic think of all the toxicity and we celebrate it and we celebrate mediocrity those men and women who aspire for something deeper They focus on their mind their body their soul and their spirit and work Diligently on being the best version of themselves in these areas That doesn't mean you have to have flat abs or six-pack abs Doesn't mean you're not gonna have wrinkles But you aspire to be the best in every facet of your mind body spirit and emotions But I say that right mind body spirit soul Mind body spirit emotions. Did I get that right when I say before by the way, I channel this So sometimes I say something and I completely Jones out if you want to attract a Non-transactional relationship see here in the United States We are just experiencing a lot of transactional Relationships and quite frankly anything short of full commitment is casual The vast majority of people are experiencing casual relationships because there's no solidified commitment Monogamy and exclusivity is an agreement But what is commitment? What does commitment look like for you? Ask these deeper questions in the early phase and as I wrote in my book Chapter one speak your truth with kindness in chapter nine if it's sincere and from the heart you can't You can't say the wrong thing to the right person And when you're with the right person they appreciate your soulmate But more importantly your true love appreciates the doubt your soulmate is there to shake you up By the way, even a text message with a jackass is meant to shake you up most importantly Teach you some lesson which is to love yourself. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell And if you want some support check out the links below to a schedule a discovery call with me To follow my group called Midlife Love Mastery to follow me on Instagram to get my dating vows all the good juicy stuff in the description below All right, are you guys ready for Q&A? Do you want to be on the hot seat on what I just talked about? There's a link in the chat box if you want to join me live We can chat live. I just ask you to not ramble on like so many people do But I invite you to be brave come on live Or if you have a question write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All of the money's from a super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley, that's a picture of them right there. It's my son who passed away Five years ago in his honor We donate to causes like the Hoffman process inside Institute and the seeds of love, okay So who are we going to have on the hot seat? Are you brave enough to join me live? This would be fun Bond says Sorry to learn of your and Marie's breakup Jonathan wishing you both All the best and healing and moving forward in your own lives. God bless you You know, I went in with high hopes. I Went in with a little bit of rose-colored glasses I shared my enthusiasm with you all publicly You know what I Am so fucking grateful for this experience with her, you know, I'm sad that it didn't work out There's no doubt about it and I recognized that there was a deep wound that need to be healing I just didn't realize how prevalent was and And I learned so much about myself, you know The fact that I could go all in and just even moving in with someone I thought was a big bold move You know all of the experiences plus I got to see the world. She got me out of my shell. I Went there. I saw 23% of the world in the year that we were together. I think that's what Google Maps told me That's pretty cool What was good about our relationship? We got along so well, but what am I most grateful for? I'm just grateful that I got a chance to experience a beautiful human being and I'm not talking about her physical beauty I'm talking about the person. She is on the inside and I Know it's hard for many of you to accept that we have to go our separate ways Marie's on her own journey there's more healing that needs to be done for her particularly the in the area of tribe community family and And logistics and because of that we just aren't made we're not suited for each other because of logistics I think I mentioned to you folks. I was reluctant to do a long distance because of one of these primary reasons when you when someone moves Substantially farther than where they they are where their tribe is It puts a lot of pressure on the relationship to fill the void and many of you Have a propensity to meld in the man's life and believe me that can be a recipe for disaster That can be a recipe for disaster because a it puts all of your need Predicated on him. This is where a lot of women give their power away and Morrist importantly, he will feel suffocated if you do that Most likely by the way, most of you guys don't work out in long distance relationship Anyways because you guys don't have a fucking plan you guys are terrible at long-distance dating long-distance dating It's just another version of friends with benefits because almost 99% of the time Y'all have sex right from the get-go and it's a it's a it's a just a convenient way to be connected We're not it. I mean not a convenient way, but it's a it's a it's an interesting hook Because you get so dependent on this other person for filling all these emotional needs That they can go out and be sleeping with so many other people at the same time long-distance dating is really a very Complicated and fucked up scenario and very few of you. I'm talking very very very few of you Really have the capacity to actually do that in long distances when you have to drive more than an hour Believe it or not. Anyway Just my two cents who has a question for me or who wants to join the live seat? Don't we have any? Folks here that have some courage. Hey Rachel's in the house Rachel hi Can you hear me? I can't hear you Can you my video? Let me just make sure it's not my audio. No, it's not my audio Rachel, I'm gonna take you out of the hot seat. You try again All right, we Jens in the house Yes, shoot I can't hear you bear with me. Maybe it's my Maybe it's my setting what about now. Oh, it was me we didn't talk. Yes Okay, good. Rachel. That was me by the way. Hey, by the way folks I want to give props to this beautiful lady who worked with me and found a Marriage in our working together Yes, yes and then I don't have any questions here today, but I do Want to verbally and virtually express how Grateful I am and so appreciate Jonathan you and the many other Ladies in this community and gentlemen because of your showing up here and we could have this, you know this Or seminar or online, you know chat so First off, thank you, but how was it to work with me directly? So I read all the books that you recommended and I also purchased your book and then hopefully you know Someday I can meet you in person and then get your signature on the money on the book. I'll write it for you and then second of all is that I also download all the The the sheets that you provide like dating vows and I read a lot of eight dates many times a Lot of them starts working with myself because when I started to follow you I was single and I've been single for a while and then until someday I feel I'm ready and then just naturally I met somebody and then I feel very confident to give out to my my dating vow and Made a request. I I can't remember how many eight dates book that I bought Let me by the way region hold on one second. I want to read the dating vows to everyone for a second folks the dating vows is a and I probably need to retitle it but the idea is to declare Some level of seriousness to this engagement during this dating process Particularly prior to being physically intimate with someone so it's simply a declaration that if you're going to explore physical intimacy make an agreement with one another that goes something like this Each person says their name. I Jonathan and I we Jen or whoever is saying it Agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months It takes good three months to really know, you know They're not going to turn into an amber herd or a Johnny Depp, okay We're provided you're spending regular time together You agree to be monogamous sexually while you're having regular sex together you agree To not actively seek to meet and date others while you're in the dating process Including taking down your dating profiles. You agree to speak up if this isn't working for you versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing and lastly You agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know each other with some sort of plan, okay? Now We Jen knows that 99 90% of men will just not agree to this. Yeah, but that's because they're not serious So folks if you're listening to this, there's a link below to get the dating vows That's what we Jen is talking about. Yeah, I can't remember how many dating vows the electronic copy and then physical physical copy I gave out to guys I used to paint and I was you know at first I was very nervous But then the more that I practice and then exercise and experience I became more confident and less scared about giving out, you know, what I want on my dating vow and You know here I want to you know, keep you updated that today. I did another thing which is I have been always wanting to join half moon processing person and I read the book I have the book but after that, you know, I still found. Yes, that's the book that I have Yeah, it's still with and then I I Still have trouble with you know childhood trauma Yeah, and the doll who trauma so I have been seeing therapists But really I what I want to join is the half moon processing person or Tony Robbins in person You know, but I don't I haven't been able to afford it yet So by the way, if it if it comes down to if it comes down to it's the exact same money Do the Hoffman process and let me tell you why It's only 30 to 40 people Okay, unlike Tony Robbins, it's thousands of people Number one you have an exclusive coach working with you And everything is done in the container Of your own work You are not doing even though you're in a room with a lot of people with 30 or 40 people You feel like you are just the center of attention and let me reframe that not the center of attention because that will scare people You are receiving You are receiving 100 of the gift not Spread out over a thousand people. So with that said Because I want to take another question Weijin You brought up childhood wounds. Can you just briefly share with everyone? How that affects the relationship? absolutely Well, first I am Recovered codependent. I okay now alcoholic family hood And with my marriage my new my current marriage is both our, you know, first time get married And it's also my first time experiencing living with somebody I moved from big city to a small town to live with Very similar like Marie But it's just, you know, we had that paper, you know getting married together um, I think I I still get triggered and still having, you know, a difficulty to control my the trigger Because it's so quick, you know, it's just like that quick that, you know, sometimes feelings can overwhelm me And so I want to I want to take my own responsibility of that And so I finally got the courage, you know, after I compared Sabrina's course and and landmark forum I I finally found um, scarlet ship The half moon process Okay, they approve the scarlet ship And I'm gonna pause it. And so I'm going to join the half moon processing person Oh, yay. I'm excited. By the way, there's a book by uh, David Rico It's called triggers how we can stop reacting to it. I have a client I have another client of mine who her and her partner are using this book because they they recognize you get triggered and and by the way Soulmates trigger us That's their job. Their job is to trigger us one of the things you'll learn at the Hoffman process Triggers are a good thing. It's an opportunity to work on something I have one last question for you that came from happy Chrissy and she says wejan How did you meet your husband? Yeah, so I met my husband through work both of us We work in the entertainment industry and I wasn't planning to you know, have any relationship You know personal relationship with anybody from from work. That was one of the rules but you know, this this gentleman he was he was able to meet my my needs and um, he was he has no problem to commit and that's how we met So we have okay great. Thanks for sharing that by the way folks. I want to be clear about something I am no longer an advocate for swipe dating apps. I am starting to do this regarding swipe dating apps I want to encourage now. I'm still a fan of the bigger platforms like match.com's robust site Millionaire match. I still think there's value in those but I am this about the swipe Is is is toxic and a poison? Yeah, however, it's great to hear you met someone out in the real world So you didn't have to go through this we have one more question. When did you give them the dating vows at what point? Um, I think we started we had we started to be friends by going out to see our fellows you know their performance and then I did not carry any expectation and So we had that friendship foundation first and then after You know two months or so and after a couple of days, you know going out to support our colleagues their performance and just on the phone call I describe and express, you know um, what do I want and what is a relationship looks like to me a committed one and that includes the dating valve and I also shared, you know the experience of giving my dating vows out and my a date's book out, you know, but not receiving a positive response, you know that experience Just genuinely sharing with him on a phone call as a friend It gave me a less pressure to You know to to ask His desire and his interest Well, I want to piggyback on what you said first off. I'm happy for you. Congratulations. I'm I'm honored I could be part of your journey of attracting a life partner. I want everyone to hear something right now You know, there's a lot of resistance to my dating vows. Okay. There's a lot of resistance to to Setting a much higher standard for men. There seems to be ridiculous resistance because that For some belief is it's going to limit your options It does the exact opposite When you set a higher standard and not higher expectation a higher standard By being more vocal and expressive right from the get-go You just actually become a tractor for what you want and that's what happens to you We gin we've got another uh person to join us. So can I give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug? Absolutely, and I'll give our audience a big giant bear hug. Oh, thank you. We're so happy for you. Thanks for stopping in Thank you You're welcome. Look at rachel's in the house. Let's see if we can get you on now Hello, hi. I'm so glad to be in the hot seat. No All right. All right. Here's a couple rules Women have a propensity to say in 10 000 words what men can say in 10 words So i'm inviting you to start with a question. Okay, and I knew that's what you were going to get to so We'll start with the question two years ago. I was on Um e-harmony and I met somebody I went out with them on a first date. They were great rachel I got to interrupt you that's not a question. You're telling me the story Somebody that ghosted me two years ago liked me on a different dating app. Should I take that as an opportunity to reconnect with them Okay, so now this is by the way the reason why I do this is now I get to ask you questions and I can do the back story in a much more syn sync way Now why am I sharing this with you ladies? You have a habit no disrespect rachel You have a habit of talking in stories and stories and stories And we men are like meandering through your stories trying to figure out what the fuck you really point you're getting to So when you're speaking to a man, I'm speaking to everybody watching here If you want to get as a man's attention Start with the point and then tell the story behind it. Okay And the irony was rachel you started to think you were doing that but you didn't okay now with that said When you say he ghosted you how many dates did you have? One date okay, and did he follow up with any communication after the date? No, and I know why Well, first off, let's be clear with everybody watching that is not ghosting No, he was I tried to reach out to him after the date to apologize for my behavior the night before And it was crickets Okay, so that's still not ghosting That's not ghosting If now if your behavior was inappropriate And you communicated that i'm an assuming through a text message, right? I did one one or two text messages over the course of five days, and then okay well Just so i'm clear so it was done via a text message And he did after the date the date okay, okay, so so What if it's quite possible That he was extremely offended by your behavior your own admission you were inappropriate and he just didn't want to engage with you That's not ghosting Ghosting is where there's a commitment to get to know one another you're engaging in a relationship You're spending significant time together. There's a progression progression, and then they're gone. That's ghosting He simply chose not to explore anything with you and he didn't feel the need to acknowledge Your communication now that probably Caused something to happen within you am I right you felt offended you felt rejected You felt angry Okay, and then you probably crucified him on some level because that's what most people do and making him out to be a bad human being okay so I'm assuming this am I fairly accurate Okay, so he did nothing wrong He didn't do it the way you would have preferred it, but that was his choice He made me feel uncomfortable He was the first date that I had after I was still in the midst of a divorce when I went on the date with him So I was extremely anxious and extremely nervous I was attracted to him and I used drinking as a as an excuse To just but you said he was responsible for something negative. What was he? He was he was really digging into my past and asking me questions on a first date that I didn't think were really appropriate And first off. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Let's stop with that for a second I grilled marie on our first date. I grilled the fuck out of her I mean we did a lot of grilling of one another He's trying to assess your worthiness. I mean what I mean is relationship worthiness How do we get to know someone we ask deep questions if that was uncomfortable for you? That's not again He didn't do anything wrong. That's exactly what we should be doing We should be asking see this is where a lot of people get naive dating is about let's just have a good time Let's focus on having a good time. Let's have a good time In his world He was asking appropriate questions I'm a full advocate for asking deeper questions And I prefer doing it before the first date rather than during the date now with that said You were feeling uncomfortable. So you drank which was inappropriate on your part, right? Um, I would say so I mean, I just remember waking up the next morning with the hangover and My I just I mean I was like I screwed up big time and I liked him and I thought well If it's meant to be he'll be able to overlook that but it so let me Let me share with everyone a quick story and then I'm going to ask your fault your real question. Okay um Six seven eight years ago. I don't recall went no longer than that probably 10 years ago I had a first date with a woman and um I Met her at her place and then we walked across the street to a bar and I had two drinks And for whatever reason I got alcohol poisoning It's because I didn't have much food in my stomach that I my body just I mean for whatever reason The the the mix of alcohol just caused me to turn out to be an incredibly belligerent human being And uh And when I dropped her off in the next morning I I write an email because I you know I emailed her. Hey, I had a great time I'm looking forward to seeing you again, and she wrote me a scathing message The scathing message, you know who I mean and telling me what happened That was a wake-up call for me. I mean it was really I I am grateful for that angry They're not angry but that scathing message because she was smacking me upside the head to say hey Look, you got to you got to rethink your behavior And I'm grateful for it some years later I ran into her on um On Facebook years later And I wrote her a more sincere apology letter even though I'd written an apology letter when this all happened And she accepted the apology and now we're facebook friends. I mean she this isn't someone that wasn't a dating this situation so He has now reached out to you you said correct just you know, I'm on match and um, and he hit like He hit a heart which is like and I'm I just was shocked. I'm like, oh my god. Why not do this? Why not do this? thank him for the heart And if he responds in some sort of email to you Reapologize to him With the sole purpose of clearing the karmic energy between the two of you because you need to My suspicion is you need to clear this karmic energy for yourself has nothing This is not going to most likely turn into a relationship. Okay Probably not be careful getting attached to that but I would highly recommend Respond by saying thank you so much for the heart. What inspired you to do that? Okay, so you have a question If he responds you then re-engage with an apology for what happened. Can you try that and tell us how it works out? definitely Just a question now before I go. Do you think that? He's probably just one of those people that that you mentioned earlier Swipe swipe swipe swipe and he doesn't remember me. Is it possible? Because you know over the years how many women swipe me? After a first date where we kissed and they still swiped at me after the fact like a bad date And so and they never and these are women who I asked him out again. They said no Yes, I mean our memory level at this stage is so you know minuscule That um, it's quite possible. He just doesn't remember and that I mean You're giving a gift here. So take advantage of the and I just want to say I think I mean I got I got this one I'm sure I'm working on this one. I got this one the untethered Now this one I got to read this one again Hey Did you go to amazon and give it a thumbs up? Can you give it a five star review? Yes, I got this one. I I need to read this one and this one I don't know which one to read first I think I need this one. I think you're guessing my book is a junior version of everything So start with my book and by the way, everybody who's watching This is a beautiful example of what I teach in the link below. There's a says jonathan recommend books It takes you to my amazon page. You can see all the books. I recommend by the way, rachel, I really want to give you your props because Books are a great vehicle for for Growth for healing And and most people they pick up a book they read a couple pages and that's it I I truly The fact that you have all of these it's going to take you a while to get through them But I promise you in one year from now if you get through all those books You are going to be a much happier human being whether you're in relationship or not And cc wants to say wow, she's got the books perfect example And by the way folks I highly recommend all of the book recommendations right here jonathan asley.com book or its last book recommendations I've got to give a little plug for myself rachel All right Well, um, I appreciate your question. I can't wait to hear what happens. So I look forward to you coming back and telling us what Thank you. Thank you everyone. You're welcome. Give you a big gigantic jot them bear hug Thank you All right, who do we have that wants to either join the hot seat or has a question? um Diane says I love the self-love book now eight dates to read way to go Mary Ann says this is sad, but he may not even remember just talk to him folks listen When you have such a short encounter it is not uncommon that we just don't I have by the way when I think of all the meet and greets in my life Uh, there are a lot of people I probably don't remember they remember me. I remember I they remember me. I don't remember them. They remember that I remember them. They don't remember me All right, let's see We jinn wants to remind us that the right for healthy person will be willing to stay To read eight dates and keep the dating vows with you even after having sex Sherry wants to remind everyone men can bail at any time. That's right We don't have any commitments with each other This is why you know when I started my private coaching and I just got a message from The client she was sending me a kind of a sweet message about the ending of my relationship And she said hey, I just I forgot to tell you I'm engaged to be married six months from now I'm like whoopee. Do I get invited to the wedding? I gotta tell you I get calls probably I get text calls Every week every other week jonathan. I met a great guy jonathan. I met a great guy jonathan. I met a great guy They know the difference because they're adopting not what I just share on my channel But in my private coaching we go way deeper So you become a magnetic attractor Folks if and when I am uh in that space to attract in a new partner I'm a full believer that it probably won't happen through a dating site I'm I'm kind of like or excuse me It won't happen through a dating app for sure because I don't have any intention of swiping ever again Those are transactional relationships to me conditional relationships. I truly believe we have the power to manifest God universe spirit uh I invite in and attract a juicy delicious relationship where we have a divine connection with one another at a soul level And we value healing as our top Value and priority in life. We have amazing chemistry with one another and our communication is at a heart-centered level And the banter can go on for hours and hours at the time and we share a mutual passion to get into the nooks and crannies Of those spaces within us That might need a light shined on them because we're hurting on the inside and because we're devoted and committed to love Not in the romantic sense But in the sense of being a true giver and a true receiver in life And our lifestyles are compatible with one another And we share those values with one another that deepens our compatibility And we have the mutual emotional IQ To sustain a healthy happy relationship and we've committed to building the deep roots of trust God universe spirit, I invite that in for not just myself and everyone watching If you if you agree with this, can I get an amen? Thank you so much all right Let's see Diane says I think covet fucked up most of our remembering. I think so too. That's probably true Looks like we're already getting a few amen's who wants to join me on the hot seat Ah, let's see. Who do we have a question from if you have a question write the court question All right, elizabeth wants to ask what's the difference between soulmate and true love? Okay I just want to remind what everyone I said at about the 10 15 minute mark Your soulmate Is going to be one of two things They're going to be easy to communicate with Or they're going to be contentious to communicate with Or be with and interact with Number two, they're going to to trigger deeper wounds They might stick it out or they might be scared and run away And you feel compelled to express your fears and doubts You aren't afraid to speak your truth and if they run away or if you run away They could simply be a soulmate your true love Is that person already committed to going all in prior to ever meeting you? And it's going to be easy to be with them They're going to trigger you and you're not going to run away and they're not going to run away And you're fully committed to expressing your deeper truths to one another That is your true love and let me just remind everyone when I say the term true love I'm merely piggybacking from the movie the princess bride Where westley says to To miracle max What do you why do you want to live and he says to blave actually he says true love But does anyone remember that from princess bride to blave? So elizabeth, I hope that answers your question Oh, let's see Jill wants to say thank great coaching jonathan. I appreciate that Jill Jill is in the house She just interviewed me for her channel. By the way, it's called Jill Collins connections I'll post a link to that interview really I I had so much fun on this interview with Jill I was channeling like I mean, oh my god was I did I have a potty mouth? Not that I already don't have a potty mouth, but I was going down some really interesting nooks and crannies So Jill, thank you so much for that And I'll post that on my site later for everyone to get To uh to connect and access to it. Do we have any questions? Um Um pump pump pump pump. Do we have any questions? Come on. I need questions Chow says do you go live every thursday? I've never caught alive, but watch your videos I typically go definitely go monday nights at around 450 los angeles time usually thursday nights at the same time sometimes tuesday nights folks. I you know Going through this shift energetically in my life I've been conserving my energy a little bit. So I have a little bit on and off Um, I will have uh, probably do a definitely next monday and certainly tuesday and thursday of next week. So Okay, most likely And melanie wants to remind us true love being your true self exactly well said All right, we do have a question That's popped in let me just put this uh, just want to remind you if you want to be brave and join me live That's the link gel join us live Uh, what if all these factors are met after three months of dating his x comes back and wants to get back together He regresses does that mean he wasn't really ready or he isn't the one What if all the well so to the extent that all these factors are met guess right true The soulmate is going to trigger all this stuff is going to happen with soulmate because remember soulmates aren't necessarily The person you're going to go the distance with they're meant to shake you up Okay, then after three months of dating his x comes back and wants to get back together with him and he regresses So he has unfinished business with this person that means he's occupied and unable to fully commit to anyone else So we listen we have to let go of the idea of the one the one. It's not about the one Okay Every experience every relationship is a building block in your life to loving yourself That's what this journey is all about in life is learning to love yourself. And yes every once in a while you get Uh, a true love a twin flame whatever it's called. Yes, that does happen But most of a lot of people are in transactional relationships And they do just fine But for those that want to go deeper into something more spiritual more evolve more enlightenment Let go of the idea of the one and focus on being the one And that's all you need to do focus on being the one and then you'll become a magnetic attractor for attracting the one Okay, Heidi. Thank you so much. Jill is in the house Hey, how are you jonathan? Good to see you again. Um, I want to really give you some props everyone Jill was sweet enough to interview me last week and I think it went public today It's going to public in the morning. You'll see tomorrow. So we'll wake up Yeah, so uh go to her website. Jill Collins connections. I mean on youtube. I'll post a link tomorrow This was a fun interview. And by the way, it was only supposed to go 45 minutes an hour And it went like an hour and a half. So Yeah, we had fun. It was really great. It's gonna be awesome. It was I was really impressed. Uh, you were so good Um, yeah, my yeah my question for you is in the chat and you kind of addressed Oh, I didn't see it. That's okay. The difference is between um, and I love this the soulmate versus your the uh life partner Is that more like yeah, well, I said the title of this is true love But really what we're saying is some a life partner. Okay. So true love. So are we pursuing? True love or a light or a soulmate well Well, let go of pursuing Let go of the word pursuing. Okay, and let's reframe that to allowing Okay Okay, so I okay. I'm a little bit of a hopeful romantic I love the movie princess bride. So to me true love has a little bit of a mystical kind of um Sentimental connotation to it I didn't do a good job expressing this earlier in the video Um, but I will say this a life partner are two people who are committed to To growing and co-creating a relationship Now we can use a lot of different terms. We can call it true love. We can call it life partner We can call it marriage. We can call it husband wife You know, there's a lot of different names, but the intent. Oops. I said that by the way my voice raised really high there I think there was some significance in that the intent In my mind yeah is to Show up as your best self With somebody else who's their best self and you're exploring what it's like to be together as your best selves Okay, that's my invitation for everybody that does my personal You know my coaching work and certainly my channel. I habitually harp On this so did that answer your question that did that did I think it's just I think there's that that friction that We often get that you were describing in a soulmate. It's not that if a soulmate is a bad thing But they will test as they'll push our buttons Yeah, and no and they really help bring out the lessons that we need to learn And yeah, and they can turn out to be people that you might end up having a transactional relationship They might be people that you go the distance For the balance of your life, you know, I mean, we don't know this This is why these terms can be so fucking chaotic because we get hung up on the one Or pursuing or being attached to when really and I'm inviting this for you young lady is to allow That partner that you can go all in with you save the dating vows To one another and you're in agreement on being intentional By the way, when you're in an intentional relationship, it's a lot more fun based By the way, 90 percent of people are in what's known as entertainment based relationships It's all about having a good time And that puts so much pressure to always have a good time because it's based on entertainment That the minute it's not a good time one person doesn't feel satisfied. They leave Okay, okay. I get it. Do you track that? Yeah, I do very much the the entertainment based relationship Which I think is so many days everyone says. Oh, just have a good time. Just enjoy each other See where it goes my favorite line. Let's just see where it goes. Let's see where it goes No, I'm doing no good. This is where I'm going. You want to jump on board Yeah, I love it And if it's not with you, you know, you're there's another bus coming by with another thing called, you know, the guy You know That's right. Thank you. I appreciate it. All right. Thank you, sweetheart. Can I give you a big gigantic shot at the bear hug? Yep, big one hug to you too. All right. Okay. Take care. Bye All right Mary Ann wants to pop in and say Jonathan I agree that uh online dating can be toxic And also think it can be challenging to our self-esteem. You said you won't be swiping again But do you think it can work for someone? Okay You know a broken clock is right twice a day. Okay, so yes, it can work for someone Okay There's always exception to all these rules. Okay all my my advice is merely suggestions And there's exception to these suggestions You could tell the dating vows to someone they might tell you to f off and they could have been a great partner for you I doubt it, but it's possible. There's exceptions. Okay um I shared with everybody that you know When marina I agreed to split up I had this I had this Temptation to want to get on the dating apps Because there was this hole inside of me and I need to fill it up right away And so there was a temptation I went on for a day or two and I swiped I didn't swipe right I just swiped And the more I swiped the more repulsed I became and I recognized the toxicity of this form of of connecting now with that said Broken clock is right twice a day. Do people meet in this forum? Absolutely Just remember meeting is only the first component First off meeting them online is the first component then you got to take it to a telephone call Then you got to take it to a physical meeting And then you got to take it to another physical meeting called the dates Okay, and then you got to do another another another these are all the little The little building blocks It's a piece in the puzzle But I will tell you meeting organically puts the odds dramatically in your favor than this method So would you rather swipe would you rather communicate with a hundred guys on a dating app? Or maybe you change the way you operate Maybe you focus on dating sites that are more robust than apps than swiping and more importantly Do you put yourself out there to be seen by single eligible people? That's the invitation for everyone You know jill for example who is on I I don't think I'm betraying a confidence here She is a member of tony robbins Um, and she's done a number of events. I've done tony robbins I've done the unleash the power. I did the I did the walk the fire walk. Okay Now mind you there was 5,000 people in the auditorium. So it wasn't there to be a dating site But you begin to make connections you make friends with people and you make kind of peripheral friends along the way At least you share this amazing common bond this idea to do something greater than yourself In the context of a a community of people I Plan on doing a lot more personal development Um workshops. I just emailed allison armstrong Um, you're not familiar with the book the queens code I like allison's work. Okay. I don't necessarily subscribe to everything But I asked her if I can go to her event in uh in in october in los angeles um but By the way, there's a link below to get allison's book, but um, she's she's Her website is called understand men.com. Mine is called understand men.com understand men now I just said you got to figure it out now But I would say i'm planning on going to a lot more events and I just invite you to start spending more time In places where human beings exist That share your same passions in life and that's my invitation for everyone By the way, is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know By the way, jill wants to mention everyone allison is amazing Was at a small retreat and hung out with her you and I have to get her book You have to get her book um Well funny story about allison then i'll wrap up with everyone tonight So, um, I got invited by her staff to come to one of her events. This was a man and um Man and woman event who wasn't a woman's event And there was an opportunity to walk in line and say hi to her and I walk up to her and I say hi And I say my name is jonathan and she goes hi and we're chatting for a few minutes and she goes Wait, what's your last name? I go jonathan assay. She goes. Oh, you're the jonathan. I've been following And I was like, oh my god, you're like she doesn't recognize me Uh, I because I've known allison for a decade and a half. So, um, this was uh 2015 Uh, and then she invited me to go to be on her man panel like some months later Really beautiful human beings most of her events are women based. Uh, the men based ones are usually with couples But I will say this Go to events like abraham hicks is an example. Uh, joe dispensa is an example Tony robbins is an example Jay shetty. Oh, louis house There are people out there that have great organizations that put together people that share a passion for personal development self-help and spiritual work and And jill wants to say I would be an awesome speaker folks if I get invited to speak I would say absolutely. Yes, um to speak anywhere Joe and I were talking about me coming to miami and speaking there So if any of you live in miami, maybe I'll be out there in the next six months Hey, listen, I've had a lot of fun sharing the three keys to identifying if he's your soulmate or your true love I hope you found value in this content if you did please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel Hit that notification bell so you can find out about our lives as well If you want to connect with me, there's links below to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group To get my dating vows all that good stuff is listed below All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do Giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Heidi wants to say Jonathan you're amazing and so valuable. Thank you My ego is going through the roof right now. When it says you're amazing Jill said excellent chat. You're amazing. All right. My ego is really getting puffed up here Sharon wants to say thank you um happy says Thank you, Jonathan. I appreciate that We gin wants to say so grateful for today's live workshop I've got a a lot to remind myself and I'm so ready to prepare to go in person the Hoffman process Can't wait to hear all about it. You are going to have a blast Uh, we gin write me personally. Let me know if this is the one um in california. I just want to know Okay, and let everyone know I introduced you to it Heidi says go buy my book. Where's my book? Where's my book? By the way, did anyone want to purchase a super sticker super chat? Here's my book to say thank you There's a little dollar sign in the chat box Let's raise some money for the Hoffman process for people like we gin that need a little bit of that scholarship fund hit that Hit that little dollar sign and donate tonight. Brian's in the house. Thank you so much Elizabeth's in the house Elena wants to say another great conversation. Well, thank you so much Heidi says I've learned so much from your book. Wow. I'm getting a lot of love right here. I I'm just getting off on all of this Thank you so much Um, Diane says big hugs Hey, Sharon was kind enough to give us a 13 an dollar and 99 said super sticker I'm laughing because I always think it's funny when it's an odd number So big hugs and much appreciation to you Sharon I can't wait to give that to an organization to support some of the good causes out there Um, all right folks, great place to wrap up big hugs. Take care. Bye now