 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of John thousand comment I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you day our topic the six signs He's secretly falling in love with you. You're gonna know about how a guy or the signs He gives when he's falling for you. All right, really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if any time during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms really quickly my coach Is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasion I use expletives to enhance the sentence so if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means Do I suggest this is the truth? You have to decide the truth for yourself I'm a bit of a contrarian so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations and one last thing My channel is more focused on those if you are seeking partnership rather than casual relationship So just up front the way I communicate on my videos is more about those who are seeking a partnership and not a casual relationship A situation ship or whatever it is those ships are all right Let's talk about those six signs a guy is secretly falling in love with you So it makes me think about What's that? I've been lately pondering the idea What's the difference between spending time with someone versus growing with someone? I'm repeat that spending time with someone versus growing with someone and what I mean is in the context of a fully committed relationship because I've observed that Many people are actually in relationships with that. They're only actually spending time with each other They're not actually building something together Now I want to tell you where my belief system comes from and we're gonna have to go back in time Before I got married. I remember I was I was about to say brainwashed, but that wasn't brainwashed my blueprint growing up and this is true for a lot of Gen Xers baby boomers like myself was Go to you know graduate high school go to college Get a job meet a meet a woman get married buy a house start a family. That was the programming I was actually gonna say meet a girl, but I don't want to say a girl, but I just did So and that was my programming that was the blueprint. I was raised with so in other words That's the track I followed. So in my 20s, you know, I was actually on the hunt for a wife I was on a hunt for the wife, you know when you when you hear that men are on the hunt, you know by the way men aren't Very few men are actually in their 20s on a hunt for their spouse, although that was the programming I grew up with I would suspect that younger men are quite a bit different these days because The the Millennials the Gen Z's are are a byproduct of a significant amount of divorced parents So they've seen Disfunctionality in their home and they're probably less likely on the hunt for a wife. Okay so coming back to this hunt for a wife, I was in I was on the hunt for a wife and Eventually, I met a woman Introduced her to my circle of friends We started to hang out together and then one of my friends was got engaged and another friend got engaged and another friend Got engaged so guess what I'm supposed to get engaged because she seemed like the best candidate to be my wife And that was the programming While I'm sharing this with you I'll never forget that when we met with the pastor and by the way I'm getting to a point so just sit with me here for a second when I was getting when we met with the pastor To talk about the ceremony He encouraged us to do some couples counseling some marriage counseling And what I mean to say was to get a better sense of what is marriage all about? So we're like and we're looking I'm looking at her. She's looking me We're just so much in love with each other. We don't need this because our love is gonna transcend at all We don't need any coaching or counseling. And so we kind of passively did it we did some of the homework assignments, but we so passively did it and Sure enough, you know, we got married and within 12 years we were divorced and I don't need to go into the particulars of that Why I'm sharing this with you is even though I was on the hunt for a wife I really had no idea how to be a husband I know I had no idea how to be in a relationship I didn't know the mechanics of a relationship other than I'm supposed to go to work all day, you know To make the money and she we have you know, she was to make the babies and take care of the babies That was basically the blueprint of when we got married We had no understanding of how to make a marriage work. We had no understanding So eventually all we did was spend time with each other. We weren't actually growing with one another I repeat that we weren't actually growing with one another and let me ask it Can anyone listening to this right now say I can relate I can relate Because I got to tell you something by the time we hit divorce and I'm sitting in family court Recognizing what marriage was really all about and what I mean to say is when you're sitting in family court Also known as divorce court and you start hearing all the problems from the other couples. You start Recognizing. Oh, yeah, we had that problem. Oh, yeah, we had that problem. Oh, yeah, we had that problem And we had no idea how to make this work because we never were really growing with each other We didn't know how to grow a relationship together This is why I want to introduce a new book to everyone that I just ordered It's called the seven principles of making marriage work Now what I love about that by the way by John Gottman and what I love about this book I'm just skimmed it through right now is that it's really helping you on the deeper Understanding of the mechanics of how to make a marriage work now. You don't have to be in a marriage to understand You know, you don't have to be in a marriage to get this book This is a great book for those of you or that are just in a relationship with someone and why I'm high on this book right now Because it goes back to what I was sharing before Are you spending time with someone or are you actually growing with someone because just because a guy Secretly is in love with you doesn't mean he has any clue of how to make the relationship work and ladies You purchased these books tenfold greater than men Men are men men are by the way If you're in the age demographic that I coach which is midlife, which is after baby making years before retirement Most guys aren't on the hunt for a wife. They did it earlier and what I mean by wife They were really on the hunt for the mother of their children. So in midlife, it's a whole different ball game But Jonathan, I'm just supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and let the guy do all the work That's because you and every guy is mostly clueless out there to Understanding the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship. This is why I'm gonna share with you my new relationship iceberg form There's a little bit of a glare. This was Georgie sent this to me. She redid it and sent it to me Thank you so much But as you can see most humans see the chemistry piece which is attraction But what's below the iceberg for compatibility is shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity That's where the real meat of a relationship is and as you start checking this box the box is off You start to feel more attraction with your partner Now what I'm here to say is folks I know you love the idea of chemistry and romance leading the dating process That's a recipe for disaster if you're not thinking about true compatibility If you're not familiar with the work of where is that book? Okay, the guy who invented e-harmy I know you guys don't like e-harmy But he wrote a book called two dates two dates and he talks about the 25 areas of compatibility and Understanding this puts your chances for success at a much greater level because most of you guys are winging it You really are winging it and when you leave it up to the man, you're really winging it out there This is why when you understand the mechanics and you actually can have deeper conversations Let me tell you something folks You know my rhetoric before the penis goes inside the vagina purchase the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman He wrote the book seven principles of how to make marriage work because this is going to help give you the Context to get to that juicy delicious relationship because even if the guy is secretly in love with you It's no guarantee that the relationship is going to work There's no guarantee Folks we have to look beyond the beginning stages of dating. We have to think of wait You don't have to do anything when I say we you don't have to be part of the we What I'm here to say is if you really want to have a juicy delicious healthy relationship Then understand how a juicy delicious healthy relationship works because here's the bottom line If you don't you're merely spending time with someone and you're not actually growing with someone And tell me do you want to grow with someone if the answer is yes hit that thumbs up button Tell me you want to grow with someone right in in the chat box if you're on the live stream right now I want to grow with someone because my channel is all about Inviting two basically two basic things the understanding of a healthy happy relationship and the understanding of a healthy happy Self understanding a healthy happy self. This is why I wrote my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work by the way I updated my Jonathan recommends books so you can see all the books I've now updated the page look at the description of Jonathan recommend books folks a Healthy self is far more important than whether or not the guy is secretly in love with you a healthy self is more important Than been being out on the dating apps because here's the bottom line as we age our chances of meeting a great partner Become slimmer and slimmer. I'm sorry as we age it's becoming more difficult because here's the thing We're stuck with these devices to meet people Because the reality is is most folks aren't meeting out in the real world. Yes, there's the exception to the rules Okay, there's always the exception to the rule, but Jonathan I can go to a meetup group Yeah, you can go to a hundred meetup groups and never get asked out on a date And the reality is as we age I'm sorry to say men and women alike. We become less attractive to the opposite sex because as we age We tend to overvalue what we can attract in and I say we I mean Everybody overvalues themselves unless you're a guy with a lot of box or you're a smoking hot gal Those are the people that get more hits if you will they get more leads So it's more important to develop the inner work because if you don't end up in a relationship, that's okay, too But guess what people are meeting all the time It is happening and you know why because they developed a healthy sense of self and they've learned how to vet for Emotional maturity they've learned how to really vet for those healthy people That's what I teach in my private coaching check out the link to a free discovery call with me To see if working with a coach is right for you If you want to put the odds in your favor then work with someone like myself and not some feminine energy coach That's gonna tell you to just sit in your energy and wait for the guy to be claimed you can be claimed by Dysfunctional men all day long. Yeah, how does that benefit you? I Get so riled up. I get so passionate. I yell All right, let's just bring it down Jonathan All right, so let's talk about those six secret signs a guy is falling in love with you. I'm gonna pull out my trusty notes bump bump bump All right, you know, this is one of my favorites because this reminds me of when I was in love Last time I was genuinely a lot. Do you know what I did? I smiled when I was around her She had a certain sparkle about her and when a guy is genuinely in love he's smiling around her It's just he she brings him joy He puts a smile on his face when your guy is smiling just being around you. I Remember my best friend early on in his new relationship, which he's been with for a year and a half He told me one day he goes I was just staring at her just with a little smile He goes he goes I couldn't get enough of her and he still to this day I was watching a video that she posted on Instagram and it was so cute because they went on a trip together and even after a year and a half He's just smiling to be with her when a guy genuinely smiles That's a great sign that he's in love with you. You know, it's not even a secret. It's really an obvious one But when a man is smiling, that's a great sign Okay, number two He makes time to talk to you and He surprises you with little gifts. I put two in there He he makes time to talk with you and he makes tiny gives you little gifts I remember In one of my previous that relationship where I told you I was in love You know my little gift for her was always make putting I used to get up about an hour or two earlier before her and I always set up her tea in the morning for her Which is a it's an act of service But it was also a gift because I'd put a little note card there Guys who are genuinely in love with you will make time for you to make time to talk with you And they'll surprise you with little ways of showing their affection Is that sinking in because I'm gonna tell you something when you were at that kind of guy hold on to him tight Okay, number three. Oh, this is so important His actions match his words his action match matches his words. He keeps his promises. I Was talking to a dear friend of mine earlier this morning and she was telling me about the guy. She's in relationship or Dating I should say not a relationship, but he just hasn't been keeping his promises You know made grand, you know guys who make these grand promises in the beginning these guys who make great We call it love bombing but grand overtures what happens is they push the The pendulum out here and what they do is they go the other way to find their center Be careful of the people that go out this far because they can't live up to the promises They make their actions won't eventually match their words and pay attention by the way Consistently I'm not saying all the time. Believe me. I've stuck my foot in my mouth. I've made promises and Renee It's more of a consistent actions match their words versus the and if you notice inconsistency That's usually a sign. He's not in love with you number four He might be slightly jealous and he defends you in front of others He might be slightly jealous and he defends you in front of others And I was just let me tell you where I thought of this one Did anyone watch I didn't watch the Academy Awards, but I opened up the internet this morning to see Will Smith Slacked Chris Rock, you know because of the but because of the insult. He said to Jada pink it Did anyone pick it or whatever name is did anyone see that? Well, that's certainly defending the honor of you His partner in front of others now I'm not suggesting that they go that far but at least there's an element of showing look I'm standing up for my partner here. I'm standing up for my partner here and Certainly if a man feels slightly jealous, that's usually a good sign or is a sign now Overt jealousy and then judgment around that or criticism around that that's not healthy But I've certainly felt jealous when my ex-girlfriend met up with an old friend of hers an old lover I should say but certainly when he defends your honor and acts a little jealous that Secretly means he loves you now that could be also an unhealthy love If you're not familiar with attachment style You might want to check out the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller to understand attachment style because there's also unhealthy Jealousy that might be a reflection of something that relates to the person's childhood a Deep wounding that happened in their childhood. So I definitely would pay attention to that number five His friends and family know who you are. It's not a secret Oh my god, I can't believe how many women are in relationship with men where they're a secret to their friends and family That's not a good sign if that's the case By the way the coffee mug sometimes you forget you're awesome and this is your reminder. This is your reminder But let me just say this If you're a secret to the people that are close in his life, that's not a good sign He's in love with you now. I'm not suggesting that you meet his family and friends on the first second third or fourth date But certainly by the time the penis goes inside the vagina on a regular basis You should be meeting family and friends and if he's not then ask yourself Are you just a booty call to him or is this someone that wants to grow in relationship with you? Remember I started this conversation about spending time versus growing a great sign that he wants to grow is He wants to introduce you to his family and friends and make you a part of his life and he wants to be part of your life as well It's not singular to his and Number six the final one He shares his inner world with you he shares his inner world with you and more importantly He wants to hear about your inner world. I'm talking about here your inner world What makes he he's open to being vulnerable authentic and transparent with you. Let me repeat that he's open to being Vulnerable authentic and transparent with you That's a great in your and you feel safe enough to be vulnerable authentic and transparent with him coming back to my book What the heck is self-love anyway? Chapter 9 in my book if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person when you're in a Healthy relationship you feel safe enough to express yourself in a healthy way to your partner and your partner's doing the same Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, so just a reminder those six signs he's secretly falling in love with you number one He smiles a lot when he's around you number two He makes time to talk to you and he surprises you with little gifts number three his actions Consistently matches words. He keeps his promises number four He might be slightly jealous and will certainly defend you in front of others number five His friends and family know all about you. You're not a secret and number six He shares his inner world and he wants to hear and more importantly. He wants to hear about your inner well What about world as well? All right, that covers the content portion of our live stream today We're gonna jump into the Q&A section for those who know my format of the Q&A Simply write the word question and post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker Super chats the dollar sign in the live chat box only if you're listening to the live broadcast now If you're listening to the recording, you won't be able to do this If you purchase a super sticker super chat all of the monies go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley that's a picture of him right there. His nickname is salty Connor passed away a few years ago and in his honor I donate money to several charities including the Insight seminars group and the Hoffman process and the Hoffman process Just sent me a letter thanking me. They say I just want to read it to everybody Jonathan I likely butchered your last name or your name spelling I appreciate you for not only your what would do love podcast in your YouTube channel But also your promotion of the Hoffman process your wisdom compassion and love shine through your podcast Which made it easy to trust for your recommendation for the Hoffman process You put your money where your mouth is also by supporting scholarships was also Which I also received Basically what she's saying is her job wouldn't be there if it wasn't for the monies that you guys give in the donation I have if you're not familiar with the Hoffman process I highly recommend checking out the book or checking out go to their website the Hoffman process Google Hoffman process This is a deep dive in the healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas That cause you to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in your life. So definitely check it out. Okay, and again Purchase the super sticker super chat so I can donate those funds for you on your or on Conor's behalf All right. I see our first question came in from Becca A Question is there any hope for getting divorce a divorce man is late 40s to get married again. Is there any hope? So great question So there's the the general question and then there's the specific question to you because you said get him to remarry So here's the thing after I'm gonna share with my own personal experience after I went through my divorce I was like this when it came to the idea of marriage I was so against the idea of getting remarried Because I was rather felt burned. I felt scarred. I mean the whole trauma associated with divorce because family court Alamone child support visitation rights You know all of that stuff was a Emotional nightmare and why would I want to go through that again and quite frankly giving that 50% of Horses or marriages and divorce and 65 of second marriages and divorce and 75% of third marriages. I Would think that before I ever got remarried again. It's not about falling in love with the person It's really can the two of us really build a life together Can we build a life together? Because otherwise can we grow together? Because otherwise I'm not gonna marry a woman. I'm just gonna spend time with Now I'm not gonna choose a woman. I spend time with but the vast majority of humans are rather dysfunctional because they have terrible Emotional maturity and relationship skills. Let me just pull out my emotional maturity relationship skills chart By the way, these figures are not a fact. It's just an opinion But roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues and while I say here 20% is healthy I'm being ridiculously generous Roughly 60% of humans are dysfunctional in their relationship skills. So rather than focus about getting remarried How about focusing on building a really awesome relationship together? And you might want to read this book the seven principles of how to make marriage work not from the idea of marriage But from the idea of how to make a relationship work because here's the bottom line What's the point of getting married if two dysfunctional people are in a relationship together? Yes, you're spending time together, but that doesn't mean you should be in relationship together so But coming back to how do you get him? It's got him be a win-win for both of you. What's the win for him? And it's not more sex That's not necessarily gonna be the win. What's the win for each other? So my invitation for you back up is ask yourself. What's the win for both of you? Find out the win. What's the what does he want? What does he want? Are you guys growing together? Are you spending time together? Most of you human beings? You're fucking winging it. You are so winging it in the relationship. It's no wonder. It's a dysfunctional cluster fuck out there All right, Becca. Thank you so much for that question really quickly. I got to open the window It's hot inside here. So I want to thank grace for the super sticker Everyone purchased a super sticker so we can donate for the honor as a scholarship I would be so grateful for that I'm gonna donate another $500 this month to insight seminars and I'd love to give some more money to the Hoffman process as well All right. Thank you grace for that. I really appreciate it. All right Christine Christine says question how to respond to my ex who has texted apologizing for how things finished 18 months ago How do I respond to someone who says I want to apologize Say be more than if you you know what you can do just say I'm more than happy to receive an email from you with any type of apology you wish and That gives you time to process it. Let me repeat that send them say look I'm more than happy to read an email or a letter with any apology you wish This way you have time to process it rather than having to hear it over the phone now That's how I'd handle it If I'm reluctant Because what is he trying to accomplish? By the way, I'm all in favor of people apologizing now If you're not familiar with a good apology a good apology should have recognition for what they did remorse for what they did and certainly some Restitution or remedy of where why they wouldn't do that in the future now The real question is do you want to get back together with them? That's a different question But why not to say hey, I'd be more than happy. Here's my email address Shoot me an email of what you'd like to say now we have time to process it. That's one way of handling it That's my recommendation for you do it that way and let me know how it works out. Okay. Thank you Christine. I appreciate it Michelle says I say it all the time you can't say the wrong thing to the right person amen Suzanne says Susan excuse me Question guess what Jonathan I reconnected with an old with a friend from 40 years back in five days He's done three two one three thing without knowing he's doing it and today. I got flowers surprise Folks the three two one three. Let me tell you what that is. This is usually for online dating No more than three email or text exchanges should lead to no more than two telephone calls That should lead to no more than one two should lead to one date all in a three-week period Three two one three so happy for you. Keep us posted Susan. Let us know how it works out. We're excited for you all right as Merelda says question What does it mean when a man shows most or all of the signs of being in love? But still makes me feel confused if our relationship is leading to exclusive commitment three months dating no sex Three months dating no sex. Well, he's still in the here's the thing He doesn't know if he wants a fully committed with relationship with you and it's great That the penis hasn't gone inside the vagina. Okay, so yes, he's just taking time to get to know you I would certainly I think that's actually very admirable of him That he's now the fact that it's three months in I'm like dude shit or get off the pot So I would simply say dude shit or get off the pot. Is this something you want to explore? Is this something do you want to explore a fully committed relationship with me or not because I don't have time look at you know Get busy living or get busy dying I don't have enough time to waste if you're not in look at you've had three months to figure this out Most guys can figure this out in three weeks Um Actually, they figured out in three weeks for all the wrong reasons look at Three months is plenty enough time to know if this is someone you want to explore Doesn't mean a commit exclusive and all exclusivity is simply Monogamy, okay, just think about commitment monogamy and exclusivity It simply means your penis isn't going to go inside of other vaginas and you're not going to be actively on the dating apps That's what exclusive means your exclusive me seeing me and you're exclusively fucking me. That's all it means Okay, so don't say commitment say monogamy and exclusivity but And talk to him say look Tim. I really care about you. We spent three months together I don't know what your plans are with us, but I'd like to explore a fully committed relationship That's where I'm at my life. What do you want and Talk to him folks. You guys have to talk with each other you ladies bitching fucking complain about how important Communication is and this is the way you are with communication You're like fucking is like scotch. There's like duct tape over your mouth. I swear to God It's like you have duct tape over your mouth and yet you bitch about communication I'm sorry. I'm pulling out some duct tape You bitch about communication, but this is what's going on This is your mouth. You're not talking Talk to him. I Know it sounds look at look at ladies. I'm an equal opportunity Judger Manor jackasses and you guys are just as clueless as well So open your mouth and talk with them if you need help with communication Check out this book. Check out these two books. By the way, it's in the link below Couples guide to communication and how to build trust in a relationship couples guide to communication How to build trust in a relationship and check out this book? I hear you the surprisingly simple skills Behind extraordinary relationship if you don't know how to talk then learn how to talk because you guys all bitching Complain about men and yet you're you got the scotch tape over your mouth By the way, am I being funny right now? Let me know am I being am I being insensitive right now? Let me know. Okay, so Esmeralda, I'm sorry for being tough on you, but I'm using you as the I'm using you as a punching bag. So I want to apologize Just talk with him share how you feel and talk with them. Okay? All right. Oh Suzanne says thanks for all your tips. I'm using them great Susan not Suzanne Bump bump bump. If you have a question purchase a super stick or super chat As Meryl this is yes, I have invisible duct tape. You are right. Thank you. You see folks. There we go. Thank you so much All right Smith Stephanie says you must be willing to communicate exactly All right Sandra says I didn't ask enough questions and then it was too late. I hope he wasn't the one that got away I'm all for by the way folks. I had a man reach out to me for private coaching today young man Um a millennial I'll be candid with you and he said I've been watching your channel and I'm like I've been watching your channel like you make so much sense Like we we millennials he says we need to be hearing this from adults You're like a big uncle to me giving advice And what he said he most appreciated was that I talk about the importance of healthy communication and relationship And folks he's sitting he's thirsty to want to learn this stuff. So men are out there There are young men out there. They're older men by the way Ladies I am getting message after message after message from women telling me that they've introduced the book eight dates Eight dates to the guy they're dating and the guys are fucking ecstatically happy It's making the process so much easier Because they are clueless and they're going and I'm getting email after email after email from women telling me Thank you, Jonathan. Now. I'm getting lots of emails from women saying. Oh my god The guy ran away the guy ran away the guy ran away. The good news is the wrong guy ran away The wrong guy ran away. Isn't that a good thing? Because only the wrong guy runs away Oh Ash I got a cool down All right, you know me I get hyper All right, let's keep swimming Let's keep swimming Purchase the super sticker super chat everyone. All right Joe jik whatever your name is one two one question First time catching you live three weeks into a relationship my 23-year-old son chris My 23-year-old son Christopher passed 13 months later. We are still together. He said he has not said I love you though I feel it um I can't imagine first off what you're going through And I can't and let me just say this you're three weeks into a relationship with a man Who probably doesn't know well first off you're three weeks into a relationship. Wait a minute. Let me read this again And he hasn't said I love you. Well, I'm sorry. You're only three weeks into a relationship Some men could I thought I thought I read that as three years. Did I misread that three weeks? I read that as three years. I'm like three years into a relationship He should be saying I love you Folks listen sweetheart There are no words for what you're going through and right now you're in my prayers Because no parent should lose a child But so but I want to speak to you about three weeks into a relationship and expecting. I love you You are being way too expecting too soon So um, and he probably that's a big that's a big moat. Listen For anyone to take on the emotion. Listen, whatever emotional effects that are going through you right now another human being has to be strong enough to take that on and it You know, we don't know how we're by the way folks Feelings aren't facts. Let me repeat that feelings aren't facts. Are feelings change all the time This is where you ladies you think of a feeling as a absolute they are constantly changing So with respects to him, he may not know how he can navigate this. That's why it's called dating because if it wasn't called dating it would be um Exploring your negative patterns your limiting beliefs with another human being to experience dysfunctionality to experience conflicts in a way like I mean if I start to rattle off all the realities of dating You know, they encompass it in one word It's called dating because we don't know how to genuinely get to know another human being because we're meeting total strangers these days And we don't most humans don't know intimacy So I want to talk about two books really quickly first and foremost the book talking to strangers By malcolm gladwell what we should know about the people we don't know You're strangers to one another most likely and the second book By the way links below in the jonathan recommend books Emotional intimacy by robert masters most of you human beings do a terrible job Of understanding true intimacy intimacy isn't penis and vagina emotional intimacy means Into me you see And most of you humans are terrible at actually getting to know another person at a deep level at a deep level It doesn't make you bad. It's just we're not we're not trained at this If you want to read a really interesting book read the book spiritual partnership by gary zukoff He wrote the book the seed of the soul Great book for getting enough by the way. I rattle off a lot of books because you human beings Are and myself included I I didn't learn this shit until I was well in my late 40s. Did I start studying this stuff? We humans are terrible at relationship. We are fucking dysfunctional at best And yes, there are some couples that are happy out there Those are the exceptions not the rule and by the way, a lot of my contemporaries got married in their 30s Wait till their relationships implode and they're at divorce court like a lot of us were By the way, they most likely won't happen But they teach from this amount olympus perspective that isn't real Anyway, begging on my contemporaries. I apologize. All right, sweetheart. It's three weeks in he's not gonna say I love you It's gonna take it may take a little longer All right, let's go swim in and Nicole says amen Michelle says my guy can't cannot communicate but can you communicate you by the way you ladies you all think you're good at it You all think you're good at it. You're no better than men I'm not suggesting that about you. Michelle. I'm just saying you guys all think you're just better than men in this capacity Just because you can vomit your feelings doesn't mean you're good at communicating them All right, Cindy Question please explain stable ambiguity. It seems like a lot of us are going through that. Yes, you are by the way stable ambiguity is a quote made by Esther perel who wrote the book mating in captivity mating in captivity So let me tell you what stable ambiguity is I love this term stable ambiguity basically means stable means that you're in a monogamous Relationship, this is my interpretation of it a monogamous exclusive relationship um And the ambiguous part is where's this relationship going? It's stable, but it's ambiguous because a lot of you guys are in relationship Where you're spending time with each other and you're not growing with one another? Let me tell you about my circle of friends I got introduced to them while I was in relationship with a woman um And in my well my girlfriend and I got introduced to this group It's called the god and goddess group and this is a group of couples that get together about once every six to eight weeks in a kind of a group therapy meets pajama party meets cocktail party environment where they we actually at the time I was with her We actually worked on our stuff with other couples in a kind of a pajama party kind of setting It would start at 11 in them after in the morning It would go 24 hours later A lot of us would crash on the floor on the couch or if we live nearby We go home come back in the morning and have breakfast to work on our stuff to grow as a couple Do you know how many couples actually do that? I'm going to guess at best At best three percent and I'm being three percent and I'm being ridiculously generous I highly doubt it's even one percent of couples do the kind of work we did group therapy meets pajama party meets cocktail party And the idea was how can we grow together? So my invitation for all of you is to ask yourself what other organizations are out there You know a lot of organizations do couples workshops together to help strengthen your relationship together So that's my invitation for you guys can all okay Do you remember when I shared in the beginning of this broadcast when my Now ex-wife and I were getting married and the pastor said we should do couples Counseling together before we got married and we're like our love will solve it all Most humans are so fucking blind to the it's like there's a hole in the sidewalk that hole in the sidewalk is What causes most divorces? Do you know? John Gottman who wrote this book Can predict with a 91 accuracy after talking to a couple for 15 minutes their likelihood of getting divorced So why not reverse engineer this shit instead of being so naive to it? And ladies I know you all wish that the guy would claim you and you could just sit back in your feminine energy And let it all make work out. But the bottom line is this Most guys are clueless to this You've got to be in charge of your relationship destiny. Don't leave it up to the guy But Jonathan i'm supposed to sit back in my feminine really how well does that work? By the way, i'm getting a lot of i'm getting some compliments and some flak for that So let me be a little bit of a brat about that All right, that's my rant. I'm sticking to it all right Ah Wait a minute. Let me read this again. Jonathan. They are now together 13 months at three weeks is when oh, I misread it I am so sorry. I misread that I apologize 13 months in at three weeks Wow, okay 13 months in the relationship. I I do believe two people should be saying I love you to each other I'm so sorry. I misread that Um And three by the way, now I know listen when connor passed away About six months later. I met a woman who also lost a child and she was one month into dating a man And that actually brought the two of them to closer together and they eventually got engaged and got married within about a year After his son's their her son's passing and they were just one month into the relationship oh I'm sorry about 16 months after his passing they got married So if you haven't if you are not saying I love you by the six month mark Then you got to really ask yourself. Are you spending time together or are you growing with each other? I repeat that are you spending time together? Are you growing with each other? I seek cup. I recommend growing with your partner not spending time with them And if you want to make it grow then read these books to make it grow That's my invitation for you and I'm sorry about that once again. I misread it Okay, thank you again esmeralda for pointing that out And don says reader question again. I'm sorry. I misread it I'm some listen when you're sitting up here and talking extemporaneously talking and information is coming at you So different ways sometimes I make a brain fart. I'm human. I make mistakes Uh, okay. All right. Everyone corrected me. Thank you. I get it. I get it Uh all right Dating equals is called picking and choosing I called a vetting process All right, everyone I get that it was 13 months Um esmeralda says I have a problem dating more than one person at a time Although I know that's what the healthiest way to date find a good match. So let's talk about dating more than one person at a time So I'm now let's differentiate between meeting more than one person at a time and dating one more than one person at a time If I if you're meeting multiple people look at how much think of how much time it takes To prospect from these devices and then get on a date And then you do it with one or two three people at the same time Now if women get asked out more than the other way around so I get that it's a little bit easier for you guys But think about this You like a guy He wants to ask you out on a saturday night, but you've already said yes to another guy And then he goes are you free sunday and you go no i'm i'm you know Oh, i'm busy with someone else after a while a guy's going to lose interest I I only date one person at a time and I tell women if we're going to be dating each other I seek to date one person at a time. That doesn't mean exclusivity. That's not a commitment I just date one person at a time if you don't want to date one person at a time Then go ahead and date all the people you need. You're just not going to date me That's how I feel about it Now the other thing is keeping your story straight and by the way Our penis is going to be going are going to be three if you're dating three guys at same time Does that mean three penises get to go inside your vagina at the same time because I don't like cooties Do you get to kiss three guys at the same time? I don't want to catch You know his mono or whatever they might have so I'm just a big believer now meeting is not the same as dating Dating is an ing there's a repetitiveness to it if you're seeing one person if you're dating one person That means you're seeing them on a regular basis. I believe it should be by the way ladies How do you feel if a guy is dating three women at once? How do you feel about that? Answer me that question and then answer this then I will talk about that All right. Oh, Julie. Thank you for the super sticker. I certainly appreciate that All right, we're going to take one more two more questions question I have uh as Matt at astigmatism Do you have two? I don't know what that is. Wait a minute I don't know. Let's say I have to spell that out. I don't even know how to pronounce it. So let's google that A S T I N G or I G M Oh stigmatism Something with the Sounds like the oh, I have no idea what my I know that's vision. I have no idea what I have. I just have bad eyes I'm not bad eyes. I just have eyes that Oh, are you talking about the fact that my eye droops a little bit? Yes. I have that All right, uh, and it's my Plastic surgeon said it's going to cost a bunch of money to fix I'm just kidding I don't have a plastic surgeon Uh cooties mono. Yes, exactly Uh, and then we're going to end on this question. What's your view on open relationships? you know My question is if two couples, I think will smith and jade a pinketer in one You know what everybody's entitled to their own desires when it comes to relationship My channel is for those people that seek partnership. Okay, that's what people that want to grow together as a couple In partnership that means having sex with one one partner. That's it That's the way I operate So my view on it that's I'm not a big fan of it for myself But everybody's entitled to what they want if you want to do friends with benefits to friends with benefits You know if you want to do casual do casual if you want a situation do Situation ship if you want an open relationship if you want bd smd other whatever that is You whatever you want do whatever you want I'm so in favor of doing what makes you feel right, but ultimately What's going to bring you the greatest joy? My feeling is the best joy is have the best relationship with yourself have an awesome Relationship with yourself that's the most important relationship You'll ever have in your life and that's my invitation for you have the best relationship with yourself And I don't have an open relationship with myself All right, you know what folks, um, I think this would be a good place to wrap up And jody jody says you don't need plastic surgery beautiful. So I'll just keep being your handsome self Thank you so much. Actually, I did go to a plastic surgeon to have a mole removed. That's why I said that All right, folks, uh, this would be a great place to wrap up. Did you find value in this broadcast? Please let me know post a comment below Say I got value out of this jonathan. You're making a difference Just let me know if I'm making a difference in your life and you got value out of this And we're gonna wrap and by the way share this with your friends Check out the links below to a free discovery call To my membership group to my instagram channel all that good stuff in the book recommendations as well And i'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan barrow of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank nicole and marianna and trudy and jojo and esmeralda newbo and uh Colleen and anna and jody p and zb and trudy. I said that true love for me And barbra and zb. Oh my gosh and f l everyone and nicole. Hey nicole Big hugs to you all wishing you a fab evening. Bye now