 W-E-A-F, New York, 8.30 p.m. B-U-L-O-V-A, Boulevard Watchtime, Boulevard, that's better jewelers everywhere. Press, please. Yes, sir. Just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess, but Avalon cost you less. Why not always travel on with... This is Gell King for the first time on Wednesday night saying welcome to Avalon time with Dick Todd, Edna Stillwell, Bud Hercules, Vandover, Marlon Hertz, the Avalon chorus, Bob Strong and his orchestra, and Radio's red-headed ragamuffin, Richard Reds-Geldon. The orchestra opens the program with the little man who wasn't there. B-U-L-O-V-A-F, New York, 8.30 p.m. B-U-L-O-V-A, and surpassed in quality. You couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in any other cigarette, regardless of price, regardless of brand. And still, Avalon's cost three to five cents less per pack. Three to five cents less, mind you, than other popular price brands. A very worthwhile saving. Try a pack of Avalons tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, if you have anything to do around the house like fire the furnace, turn on the electric fan, wash the dishes, any odd jobs you haven't finished, now's the time to do them, because here comes America's streamlined jester with his weekly news grist from the fun mill, Reds-Geldon. Now for the news from coast to coast. Man invents polarized glasses that eliminate glare. She'll have to get my landlady a pair. No kidding, every time she looks at me, my shirt rolls up. Hollywood, California, Molina Dietrich to make a western picture. Now I know what horse Greeley meant. Bombay, India, Mahatma Gandhi writes the hit song of the week. It's entitled, I poured my faith into a pen. Chicago, Illinois, Joe Lewis was in town this week. Boy, there's a fighter, that's Joe Lewis. I used to be a fighter. Did I ever tell you about my first fight? Or did I ever tell you about my last fight? Same fight. I love fighting. My fighting ability comes natural. My whole family were Sunday drivers. Was I fat? Every time I'd hear the bell, I'd spring out of my corner, then somebody'd throw me back in the ring. I'll never forget that last fight, though. In fact, every Saturday afternoon, I go out to the White City Arena, just so I can be near my teeth. Chicago, Illinois, the American Legion holds huge praise. It takes 15 hours to pass a given spot. The only trouble is, nobody would give you the spot. Oh, by the way, they found Elmer. He gave himself up to Winchell. My uncle, he was up here, he surprised everybody. My uncle, Hody, you'd never know he was around unless you tripped over him. It was a little noisy here in Chicago the last few days. There was one Legionnaire who couldn't sleep, so he just started counting the people in his room and he just dropped right off. Some of the boys brought some vinsets, my hometown. I took them over to see the Lewis and Pastor fight. I didn't think we'd make it, though. We got there at the theater, just as the 15 cent price was changing. One of the Legionnaires got into one of those Turkish baths on a ladies' night. He was very polite, though. He explained to the, he thought it was the headquarters of the Emily Post. That's enough news for tonight. The ladies and gentlemen, we'd like you to meet at this time a new member of Avalon Time, a young fellow who's made many, many Victor records. He has a grand voice and I'm sure that you'll all like his style of singing. And it's really a pleasure to present at this time Dick Todd. Come on, fellas. Take it slow. Blue Orchids, my beautiful Blue Orchids last night And what a sweet surprise When you looked at me It was plain to see Blue Orchids only blue in your eyes It's been often said that rich you'll be Who dreams of something blue Richer I shall always be For that's how I found you I dreamed of two Blue Orchids Two beautiful Blue Orchids one night While in my lonely room I dreamed of two Blue Orchids So full of love and light Wanted to possess each tender blue Then my dream took wings And through a thousand springs Seemed in a world apart But when I met you Something pale and blue Came stealing from the meadows of my heart I saw my two Blue Orchids My beautiful Blue Orchids last night And what a sweet surprise When you looked at me It was plain to see Blue Orchids only blue in your eyes I'm Flora, sung by our new Avalon anchorman, Dick Todd. I might add that he's sort of a glamour boy, too. He only had my ears he could match Gable, umph for umph. Of course, I don't do bad myself, but the Legion prayed yesterday I had a girl on each arm. A girl on each arm, Brad? Who does your tattooing? The guy around the... 15 hours of solid marching. Guys, I thought I'd never see this sight of Michigan Boulevard again. Say, you haven't met Dick, have you? No, I haven't. Dick Todd, this is Red Skelton. Hiya, Skelton. Glad to know you. Gee, last Saturday after your program, my side's ached. Oh, no kidding. A lot of laughs, huh? No, I tripped over the radio trying to turn it off. Another comedian on the program. If you mean me, where's the other one? Witty, too, ain't he? What this program needs, Skelton, is more singing. Don't you think so? Well, yes and no. What do you mean, yes and no? Yes, I don't think so. No, we don't need any more singers. And don't come on this program, fella. Easy, Red, easy. It was Mr. Avalon personally who wanted Dick Todd. Oh, so that's it. He got on this program with a pull. No, with a jerk. If I'm gonna be the... Well, that's a relief. Have somebody take a raft at the door instead of me. Come in. Well, if it ain't Gypsy Rose Levy. Please, please, please. On my radio program for beauty treatment, I'm being known as Lady Epstein. You're a beauty expert. Say, you really make money? But, definitely, Mr. Skelton. I'm robbing the rich ladies. What? You mean you steal from them? Oh, no, no. I'm robbing of the fat. With massaging, with robbing creams, I've given them a nice build. Oh, a nice build, huh? Say, I'd like to see some of your work. You're a building inspector. With you, I should prasling my nerves. I'm going out and see how the Legionnaires are advertising my new book on reducing. Your new book? What's the name of it? Hips, hips, away. Well, how do you like being on Wednesday night instead of Saturday, Rhett? Oh, well, I'll bet in a couple of weeks there'll be millions of people tuning in about this time. Sure. Waiting to hear Fred Allen. Yeah. Now, listen, Edna. Oh, who's the handsome looking fellow? Well, him. Oh, that's Dick Todd. He's the new singer. Well, I wish he'd stop annoying me. Annoying you? He's even looked at you. That's what's annoying me. Thanks, Calvin. Uh, here's strong. What is it, Bob? Well, Dick and I have been talking it over, and we've decided this program needs more music and song. Oh, wait a minute. I got something to say about that. I bet it won't get a laugh. Well, I know for sure that the sponsor wants more comedy on this show, but why to celebrate this new time? Last night, he took me out and broke open a new bottle of champagne. I hope you don't believe me. I'll show you the stitches in my head. Well, we'll find out. We'll find out. You know, I don't think the sponsor swallows that stuff about you being the baby of the comedian. Well, why not? It's true. Don't kid me. Those aren't teething rings under your eyes. Well, you just wait and see. I'm gonna make this a real juvenile program. I'd even send for a child movie actor to come over here tonight. That's probably the child actor now. Come in, sonny. Well, are you the child star? Well, I ain't Frankenstein's grandpa. Goodness, yes, Mr. Skelton. And I'm all ready to play the part of little art angel putt. You sure look cute in that jacket, herky. Say, what kind of material is that? Is that real English eatin' or just moth eatin'? Say, don't you think you're a little bit too old to be a child star, herky? Too old? Why, good heaven's no. Why, I'm so young, my mom still shaves me. And am I the little tuffy? Oh, you should hear me recite poetry. Poetry? I don't sound very tough. Oh, you should hear the poetry. Oh, I guess I'm just a big bully. Well, I'm afraid you don't fit into my plan as a child star, herky. Oh, good heavens, then. I'll never find my proper place in this world. But confidentially, Mr. Skelton, when I was born, the stars flew over the zoo for three hours before I could talk him out of it. Ah, good ol' herky, one of the seven blunders of the world. Uh, say, Red, I'll bet you can't name the seven wonders of the world. Who cares why? It's nothin' in all, Del. You see, there's the temple of Dinah, the temple of Jupiter, and the temple of Shirley. I mean, uh... You see, there's the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the, uh, Colossus in Rhodes, the Pyramids in Egypt, and Brooklyn in third place. I mean, uh... Say, what is the seventh wonder of the world? How you ever got on this program? Yeah. Now, listen, Dick, you don't know me, but the way I put this program over, why, Mr. Avalon thinks I'm a wizard. That's me. I'm a wizard. Stop making an Aussie yourself. Now, what's the use? Play some music, Bob. Well, what do you know about this? Avalon time is full of surprises tonight. Here's something we know you've never heard before. Bob Strong and the boys playing Goodie Goodbye, featuring our new singing group, The Four Punks. All the time that you were playing with my heart I must have been dumb. The diamonds, they come to believe you From the start, oh, good, good luck To you and to all the other I mean, the ones you have under cover Take a goodie good look in the goodie good book There's a goodie good reason why It's goodbye, bye Good look in the goodie good book You see the reason why It's goodbye, bye, baby Goodbye to you, bye, bye, baby Goodbye. Ladies and gentlemen, did you hear how Grizzly the grunt, the famous wrestler Described his last big match? Well, Grizzly was after the match And here's what he said to me. He came up and he said, The high cost of cigarettes has a stranglehold on me. See? So I give him the scissors. Nothing happens. I switched to a toehold. Nothing happens. I switched to a half Nelson. Nothing happens. I switched to Avalons. I'm the winner. Yes, friend, and you win all the way around When you switch to Avalons. Because you get cigarettes that are positively Unsurpassed in quality, But cost three to five cents less per pack Than other popular price brands. Give Avalons a trial tonight. When Dick Todd joined the program, He requested that he be allowed to sing a popular number Each week and also a song of the West. So for his second number tonight, You hear him in, Ride Tenderfoot Ride. Ride Tenderfoot Ride Tonight See the old range rider if you want to be A cowboy You gotta ride Tenderfoot Ride You gotta hit the trail In Oklahoma when the moon is pale And get to Texas with the morning mail Or you can be a cowboy You gotta rob and throw You gotta get your share of the full loan And when the money at the road they owe Or you can be a cowboy You gotta ride Tenderfoot Ride A little about things that happen in everyday life, Things that you do that I do, In fact, everybody does. And tonight's episode is about a newly married couple Who are on their way to meet her folks For the first time. You set the scene, Del. Okay, the time about two in the afternoon. The place somewhere in your hometown. Now as the scene opens, We find Edna Stillwell, Who plays the part of the blushing bride, Talking to her new husband, Played by Skelton, who is a little red, too. Listen. It won't be long now until you meet my folks. Are you nervous? Nervous? I feel like a plate of gelatin With a nervous breakdown. I know you'll like Mother and Dad. And I hope they like you. Well, I don't know why they shouldn't. I don't drink, chew, or stay out late at night. In fact, I'm a regular tomboy. Oh, dear. They live along here somewhere, don't they? Which house is it? You see that beautiful mansion on the corner? Yeah, is that where you live? No, that's a filling station. They live in the little house next door. Say, that's a cute little house. Why is it only half painted, though? Well, that's the half that's paid for. Oh. Oh, there's Dad sitting on the porch. He just loves to sit and face the sun. But I'm afraid he'll overdo it. Well, his nose is just about ripe. He's kind of an emi, though, ain't he? Boy, celery next to him would look like rhubarb. But he hid this thing with Shorking though. Well, he ran for mayor four years ago. Yeah, what's he doing now? Nothing. He was elected. Gee, that sure is a nice house. Are both those garages there? No, the one on the right, Mother. You better stop along here. Okay. I gotta get those brakes fixed. Oh, Mother. Mother. My little baby. Oh, and no. What's she crying about? She lose her job? Let me look at you. Why, you haven't changed a bit. Well, pay the taxi driver and come in the house. I ain't no taxi driver. Mother, this is my husband. You've made a mistake. Your husband? Oh, I'm sorry for my mistake. Yeah. I didn't know the idea of my little Edna being married to a... You think it would help if I learned to cook her soul? Oh, baby. Oh, what's that? Well, don't stand there. Do something. She's fainted. Help! Please! Help! Hello. Where's Mother? Oh, there she is lying there. Don't she look natural? She's only fainted. Well, get the smelling sauce while we tore her into the house. All right, Dad. I'll help you, Dad. I'm Edna's husband. You are? Congratulations. Grab a leg. Boy, she sure is hard to handle. How would you know? Here's the smelling sauce. Here, Mother. Take a deep breath. I'm all right now. So why didn't you tell Mother you were going to a lope so suddenly? And besides, how would you feel when you faced your friends? Oh, don't worry about that. I gave them all their rings back. Yeah. Hey, what am I? A lucky number and a raffle? Well, I hope it worked out for you. Mr... What was your name? Skelton. Richard Skelton. Oh, yes, I must remember that. Oh, you're an American, aren't you? Oh, yes, ma'am. 100%. I haven't worked in three years. Oh, what have you done to deceive yourself lately? Are you outstanding in any line? Yeah, I'm the only Republican that ain't running for president. Oh, let's go inside. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll open the windows so the neighbors won't miss anything. Well, we can't stay very long. You see, we have to check in at the hotel. You'll do no such thing. You can sleep with me and he can sleep in the murky bed with father as long as he doesn't kick. Well, I won't kick if Murphy don't. Well, that's a very nice mother, but you see... Well, look, you see, this is sort of a honeymoon, you see. You do see, don't you? No, I don't. And if it is your honeymoon, why didn't you go to Niagara Falls? Well, you see, when we got married, it was raining and Richard said Niagara Falls was made out of the same stuff. Okay, we'll stay. Thank you very much. Well, that's better. Come in, Edna. Don't you want to freshen up? Yes, I'll be right with you. Just as soon as I kiss my snicky-wookie goodbye. Oh, nutsy-whatsy. Goodbye. Gee, I hope she don't forget me while she's gone. Son, I don't want to be a butt inky, but you're getting off on the wrong foot. I am? I know. I've been married three times. You have? Gee, sort of an old established firm, eh, Pop? Well, now come in here. I want to show you something. Okay. Hey, this house is bigger on the inside than it looks, ain't it? Yeah, well, what I wanted to tell you was this. Now, you just got married. So, right away, you've got to start handling your wife with an iron hand. Oh, you've got to be the boss in your family, just like I'm the boss in mine. Why, do you know any time I want to, I can make my wife jump? What do you do? Give her a hot foot? No, no, no, just train her that way. Well, that's what I'm going to do. From now on, I'm going to be the boss. That's the spirit. You do like I do. Wear the pants. Yeah, my wife ain't going to tell me what to do. No, now you've got the idea. Wrap them around your little face. That's the idea. I'll call my wife down and give you a few points. Okay. Hey, Marthy, come here immediately. I'll call Edna down here, too, then. Hey, Edna, come down here, will you? We'll tell him a thing or three. Well, what do you want? Yeah, what do you want? Maybe you better tell him, son. Well, uh, we were just sort of wondering what time dinner would be ready. Avalon cigarettes cost three to five cents less per pack than other popular priced brands. But you positively could not get finer quality tobaccos in any other cigarette, regardless of price, regardless of brand. Try a pack and save the difference. Righto, Red, and uh... Say, Skelton, how about that singing? Oh, look, comedy may not be important to you, but at least it keeps me alive. Prove it. Yeah. Oh, what's the use? Good night, everybody. We'll see you all next Wednesday. Good night, now. And during the week, when you ask for Avalon cigarettes... Don't forget your change. You'd never guess. But Avalons cost only ten cents, plus City or State tax. Well, we hope that we've made a lot of new friends with our first program on Wednesday night. Our sponsor, the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation, invites you to be with us next Wednesday night at the same time for Avalon time. This is Del King saying good night. Men, we'd like you to try Sir Walter Raleigh. It's the quality pipe tobacco of America. In fact, Sir Walter Raleigh is the largest selling pipe tobacco in the Army. The Navy. On American college campuses. Yes, everywhere you find men who know quality smoking. You'll like Sir Walter Raleigh pipe tobacco, too. So why not give it a trial tonight? Avalon time is presented from our Chicago studios. This is the national broadcasting company. A.F. New York.