 Hey there friends, how's it going? My name is Kevin and today we're playing more BitLife. I am glad that you all seem to be enjoying BitLife because I know I am and today I want to be a very successful criminal. That's right, successful. I've done crime in the past in other lives but it never seems to go too well. Usually I end up dying in jail of tuberculosis. I died. Just to clarify, I've never done crime in this life. I mean, I did steal like some candy from a pick and mix before when I was like 12. Felt pretty guilty about it to be honest. Anyway, let's get started. My name is going to be TugLife. I'm being upfront with what I'm getting into here. Start Tug's life. My mother is Natalie Life, a chemical engineer. My father is unknown. I have an older half-brother named Keenan. It looks like I'm not very bright but that doesn't matter. Can I just drop out of school? It's not really needed for what I'm doing. She won't let me drop out. Wish my dad would be here so he'd let me drop out. All right, I'm 16. Can I drop out yet? Like, I don't need it. I already have my whole life planned out, mom. There we go. I dropped out. All right, commit a crime. Immediately, rob a train. You go from a high school like, no, I'm dropping out. I have a plan. There's a train, Dutch. We gotta hit the Pacific Railway, Dutch. It didn't show up. All right, there's always another train. Don't worry. All right, midnight, the Southern Wildcat Lion. It didn't show up. Could I get a timetable or something? That would be handy, right? I'm just guessing when these trains are appearing. All right, how about we go one step down from a train robbery to behave delinquently with a random clown? You want a clown broke into your neighbor's house while they weren't home to play their new video game system? I got sent to juvie. God damn it. I should have committed to the train. The trains just don't show up. Is there even trains? I've never seen a train in real life. Are they just a myth? It's possible. Okay, someone online is seeing you to match the time exactly. So can I change the time on my device here or that war? I want to rob the train at 4.20. So can we do that? Wait, no one won't start a new life. No, no, no, no. What about? What about dog? What about dog life? I don't want to be Nolan. I want to be dog. Oh, fuck. Quick. Oh my God, he's so stupid. Keep going. Just do anything. It doesn't matter. Go, go, go. You're suffering from lice. I'd have more important things to worry about, like the fact that my smarts is in the red exclamation mark next to it. Oh my God, I have depression. I take some time off. I don't know. Let's rob a train. 4.20 p.m. Robert. Whoa. I got 12 million dollars. That cured my depression fast. What does tug life do with 12 million dollars? I mean, he robbed and got away with it. What's the point in doing more crime other than for enjoyment, of course? I mean, he's 12% smart. He's not just going to go off and buy an island. I'm going to adopt the child. Why? It didn't accept me. Why? Because I'm 18. I'm ready. What can I use this money for? I could play the lottery. Oh, no, that's probably not a good idea. I'll lose it all knowing me. I need more smarts if I'm going to be committing crime. So how do I get smart? What if we go to the gym and do some brain exercises? Oh God, I think I might need the smarts. What can I buy? I want to live in a mansion. Climax realtors. Yeah, they seem legit. Yeah, give me a feckin' mansion. Buy it with cash. Oh, I don't have my driving license. I forgot. I said, like, that a crossroad sign needs hospital ahead. Surely I can get out of any crime now that I'm rich. But I should probably get my driving license first though, because I want to be able to do drive-bys. Yeah, Rolls Royce ought to do me. All right, I got a Rolls Royce in a mansion and I still have 10 and a half million. You're no longer suffering from depression. Well, money does buy happiness after all. I could probably murder someone. Who are my family? I didn't even look. I just spammed through my childhood. Your application to adopt a child has been rejected due to finances. I have 10 million dollars. Are you saying I have too much money to have a child? All right, I think we should rob a bank. I need more money. Then I'll be more happy if this game has taught me anything. I think a bone arrow ought to do it. Pick your disguise. I think a mummy. Okay, great. I'm escaping in my own car. I can't see any issue with this. Rob the bank. You were caught. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Yes, I got out of it. Guys, I was on my way to a fancy dress, so it was big misunderstanding. I'm going to go back to the same bank. Oh my God, now I can pick better weapons. A chainsaw and go start Vader. Stop arresting me. I have too much money for you to be able to convict me. We need to commit another crime by murdering my sister. You know, distract the police so I can get away with the robbery. There we go. We poisoned her tea and she died. Okay, now while the cops are distracted, let's hit that bank hard and fast. Oh my God, a stun gun disguised as Shrek. It's perfect. This is the time I get away with it. Yes, Shrek gets away with $43,000. No one would rat out Shrek. No one. Can I gamble some of this money? I think I could make a profit on this. Make your bet. Two and a half million. No, wait, five million. I'd still have five million left and if I win, I'll get 15 million. Deal me in. I feel like I'm making worse decisions than I did last time and last time it was decided by a random number generator. Oh, what do I do with a 12? He's got a 10. I hate this game. Where's the number generator when you need it? All right, you know, I'll put in another million just to get some back. I hate this. Go away. Now I need to commit more crime. All right, a neighbor's mail. That'll get me back in the plus. The people order stuff worth like one or two million, right? I live in a mansion. I'm going over to my neighbor's mansion to steal from them. It contained a Nutribullet blender at a punch. I'll give you 52 bucks. It's going to take a lot of porch pirating to get back all that money I lost at the casino. You've been convicted of Grand Theft Auto and murder and sentenced to death by electric chair. What? Execution date 30th birthday. No, no, no, no, no, no. There has been a big mistake. I was just... You know what? I can't make up a defense. Where's my lawyer? This is why I pay the money. Appeal with these people. The expense. I lost the appeal. What do I pay you for? You're all useless. Bribed the guards. Yes. Okay, this is bad. Join a wealthy gang. Okay, I'm in a gang now. I don't know why. I should escape. Why am I trying to acclimatize to this? Run away. They're going to electrocute me. All right, fucking run out the door. Yeah, there we go. I'm out. I got to emigrate. I have tons of money. I can get out of this. Let's get a load of surgery. I robbed 12 million on a train, got away with it. Why didn't I just leave? I could have just left the country. They never would have caught me. But no, I blow over half of it un-gambling and then I murdered my sister for no reason. They approved my immigration request for some reason. Okay, off I go. I mean, I do have a lot of money. They don't extradite people in Portugal, do they? Let me check. Okay, it is not there. So I got to get to one of these countries fast. I think Ukraine was on that list. Yes, it is. We're going to Ukraine. There we go. Now, what crimes can I commit here? I hope they don't have the dead penalty. Probably should have looked into that first. I'm ranging for a hitman for my new friend for some reason. I just got there. I probably met him on the plane. He took the middle armrest when I sat in the middle. Everyone knows the window gets the view, the aisle seat gets the extra leg room at the site, and the middle gets both armrests. And well, they took it. So yeah, I'm hiring a hitman. He pulled off the hit on my best friend using a gaddling gun. Wait, your hitman is now trying to kill you with a gaddling gun too, unless you pay him another... Oh, just give him the extra 400. Jeez, it means nothing to me. All that matters is my best friend is dead. Shoplift of ring video doorbell? No, I don't want that. A Barbie dog. They'll never suspect the middle-aged man. But a mall cop stopped me. It's a mall cop. Just charge him. You poked his larynx? Oh my God. He stretched his nose. Jesus Christ. No, not when you're in prison. I've got money so I can get out of this. I love having money. This is great. A burglar home. A rabbi. Yes, perfect. I'm picking on the religious people for some reason. Oh no. Oh no. Run. Run. I have $4 in cash, his teddy bear, his watch, and his guitar. I feel like this was all stuff with sentimental value, which won't go for much. Yeah, it went for $63. All right, that's not the most profitable of crimes. And Grand Theft Auto is a good one to be fair. I can get a Ford Mustang. I love Ford Mustangs. I got confronted. What the hell? He snapped your cheek. What? You mean like your grandma would do when she just dissed and just snaps it back? He squeezed your skull. I better not be dead. I'm going to sue the Ford Mustang owner. I'm going to seek how much $100,000. No, $50,000 I think is doable. And I'll pay the most expensive lawyer. I lost it. Why? Just because I was trying to steal his car in the first place? I wanted to hire a hitman to kill him, but I guess I'll just kill my friend. I thought I already killed this person. Maybe they just did similar names. I'm unable to find a hitman. Well, if you can't get something done, then you do something yourself as the same goes. Perform a drive by Izzy. Good thing I had that driver's license earlier. I'm thinking ahead. There we go. And I got arrested. Okay. They want $350,000 to get me out of this. I can pay that. What? No, I paid like $350,000 for that. I have been diagnosed with depression. I got an achievement for having a net worth of $2 million. I can't wait to get interviews. How did you get a net worth of $2 million? Well, it's easy. Just start with a net worth of $12 million. He's stuck. I'm out of there. Let's say I'm a great Serbia. That's on the list. There we go. Yep. Off we go. Why are they so cool with me emigrating when I'm a criminal? Is it just because I have tons of money that I'm just pumping into their economy, especially the casino business? All right. I'm going to start Vader again, a classic, and I already have the costume and money's getting a bit tight now. So I don't think it's good to invest in new disguises. You're caught. What the hell is this all about? What do they say about crime? If you can't do the time, then let me go or something. I got a job as an exorcist to try and fit in with the local community. It's like, how did you get your fortune? Oh, I'm an exorcist. No crime at all. I don't know why they hired me. I have no experience. I've never worked a day in my life. All right. Burglar home, I think again. A priest. Perfect. I'll be like, oh, I'll get rid of that spirit for you. No problem. And then I just steal everything. There we go. That's more like it. I got a lot of cash for that. I don't think I should be in this for the cash to be fair. I have enough cash even though it's going down fast. All these coworkers are taking my potential jobs. All right. He pulled off the hit using a sickle. I want to kill off all my coworkers. I cannot find a hit man to kill off these two. No wonder I got into the job so easy. There seems to be just a gap in the jobs market. There's so many jobs and not enough people to fill them. There are no children available to adopt. Well, isn't this a perfect world, isn't it? Let me find some children to put up for adoption because I want to make this world a worse place. Find someone to love. Find a date. Yeah, fine. Ask her out. I'm dating her. Great. Let's have baby now. She doesn't want to have a baby. All right. Well, how about I give you some money? I think I'll have a baby with me then. Give money. This will make you love me. Here's a hundred grand. Yes. Baby time. Yeah. Keep the baby. I'm gonna name it no. No life. Should have been my name really. Oh, I'm out of depression. Great. Wait. I got into a bad car accident. My nipple was ripped. What? That's it. This child is bad luck because the red hot chili peppers would say give it away, give it away, give it away now. Why can't I give it away? All right. Fine. Have another one then. This one can be called shit, shit life. I'll pregnant again. What? I didn't even ask for this one. This one's going to be called short life. Okay. Now that they're above one years old, now I can get rid of them. So we'll adopt out no life and shit life is getting abandoned because that's what his name suggests. There we go. Terrible life has just been born. Fantastic. All right. I don't want to be a liar. So I'm going to call a hit man on my son short life. Two grand. What are you going to do for two grand? You using a spoon? Why did you need an investment of two grand for that? Your expenses were virtually nothing. Oh, my son passed away. Skip the funeral. Oh, my God. Now he's trying to kill me with a spoon. Give me extra money. Oh, now that there's children to adopt, even though they're my own, they won't let me adopt them back. I'm going to send my abandoned son a whoopee cushion for no reason. You gave your abandoned son shit a whoopee cushion. Your abandoned son shit is arguing with you because you gave him a whoopee cushion. You've probably abused your abandoned son shit. Oh, my God. She's pregnant again. Naming him meaning of. So his name is meaning of life. He means everything to me. I'll still probably get killed though. Oh, my God. You're pregnant again. How many babies can you have? Honestly, calling this one after a board game, the game of life. Then I'll sue them for using my name. I think another grand theft auto is called for a Porsche. That would be nice. Yay. I got a Porsche. I'm going to buy a ranch because, well, my house is back in the States. So I kind of need something. Girlfriend asked me to marry her. I'm not ready for that commitment. Break up with her. How dare she ask that? Wait, one second. Can we have one more baby? No. What? Just because I keep abandoning and killing the others doesn't mean we shouldn't have more abandoned. This one. Which one was that? Oh, terrible. Yeah. I guess that's fitting. Terrible life should be abandoned. Like how am I supposed to enjoy myself if I have a terrible life? I'm asking my parents for money and they're actually giving it to me for some reason. I am so wealthy. Ow. Oh my God. What? He severed my eyelid. I was just pickpocketing you. That's a bit extreme. God damn it. My looks are really taking a hit from this, even though I should be more worried about everything else. Should I go see someone like I'm really unhappy and really unhealthy? Am I trying to sue the accountant first? That might make me happy. Money does get us happiness if we learn anything from this. Yes. I got it. Even though I tried to rob him and that did make me happy. I'm seeing a pattern in this guy's life. You know, one night Stan, she asked you if you'd like to get married. Oh, she got an abortion without my permission. Well, I'm going to kill her. I can't remember which one she is. Eenie meenie minie mine. I'm killing you. I found a hitman going by the name of the winter soldier. This guy's going to be like 12. I turned out to be an undercover cop. Of course he is. And I've been convicted of conspiracy to murder and sentenced to 34 years in prison. Oh my God. My happiness and health is at a total empty. I need to get out really bad. Okay. I know how to do this one. There we go. I'm out. Okay. I got to do something about my health. It's really bad and I don't know why. I'd like to rob another train, please. Oh, it showed up. You were unable to stop it or board it. Let's just go to another one. It's still 420. You're unable to stop it. God damn it. I thought this was to be like a short thing. I didn't realize I got lucky. This sucks. I hate being a criminal. Okay. The trains here just do not run on time, obviously. I'm going to get a load of plastic surgery and head back to the States. All right. Get a penis enlargement. God damn it. They botched it. Perfect reason to sue. That'll make me happy. Well, that's to be a meme. I've given the circumstances. Just get a general reassignment. Then I should be able to get back into the surgery. Can I transition to Shrek, please? Old name dog, new name Shrek. I am now Shrek live in Shrek is love. Shrek is life. My looks are going up fast. I'm just getting every surgery. I should probably get that eyelid surgery since one got ripped off apparently. Okay. There we go. Now I look good and I feel good. I'm still not smart. I'm on the verge of death by the looks of it, but I have no medical condition. I have just 0% health in general. Just keep spamming the doctor yet. Treat for depression. Keep going. Just keep going. My happiness is like 100% and I'm like, yeah, I'm depressed. Give me pills, but my health is going up. That's all that matters. There we go. Everything's 100% except smart, but I can't do anything about that now. It's a bit late. All right. Now that I look and feel good, abandoned my son. I just don't want anything weighing me down. All right. Now let's go back to the States. I immediately arrested. There's no way you think Shrek is Tog. You've been sent back to death row. Oh, sweet Jesus. I'm getting killed on my 47th birthday. What age am I now? 46. Oh, sweet Jesus. Get me out of this jail. Okay. I have to escape. I really have to. And he's standing right there. Okay. I think I can do this. Run out the feckin door, Shrek. Get out of there. Oh, that was close. It's 420. Time to rob that train. God damn it. I can't feckin stop them. Oh, I thought that was the Amnoja Express. That would have been a sure thing. All right. Let's steal a portion instead. Yes. Okay. Now I can sell that. I really got to start making some money back. 45,000, basically. Yeah, sell it. Yeah. That's not bad. That's getting money. Grand Teft Auto is great. IGN was right. Oh, I'm going to disguise myself as Mrs. Doubtfire. How did I rob this bank? I can't have a vehicle. I don't think it'll be a unicycle. My purse is not pretty smart, but they're too smart for that. No, it wasn't me. It was Mrs. Doubtfire. God damn it. Okay. Just feckin run. Just run for the door. Yes. Okay. I need to just not get arrested, but I also need money. So I think we need to kill my parents. Okay. I strangled my mother. No, don't arrest me. Luckily, they keep sending me to the same prison because I keep just escaping from it. And now I just need to lay low until my other parent dies. How do I only have 30,000 dollars? How did this happen? Can I sell some of my property? I still have two of them. I think this one went up in value actually. Yeah. Sell it or actually throw a sick house party first. I got arrested for noise pollution. Oh, God. I just sent back to death row for noise pollution. It's like Al Capone going to jail for his tax evasion. Oh, sweet Jesus. They finally sent me to a different prison. There you go. Eat it. All right. Now sell that house. It was worth it for that sick party. No luck. Well, feck, what about the other one? Yes. Okay. I got enough money from that. My abandoned daughter, Terrible, married Daniela Dragik at 18. I don't care. I abandoned you. So I wouldn't get these updates. Can I kill them? I think I might need to reconnect with them first. She doesn't want to connect. I'll buy your friendship or family-ness. I don't know. Send her a fecking glitter bomb. Screw you. All right. I gave her a jacket. Do you like me? It still doesn't like me. All right. Send her a home gym. There you go. And no, I'm not calling you fat. Just like me. Well, my father passed away. Great. Do you have any money? No money. Are you serious? That's it. I'm killing my brother in case he got all the money. Oh, God. The hit man. Pinhead turned out to be an undercover cop. With names like this, I should just suspect something is up. Oh, wait. I have another brother. Catch them in a bear trap for sure. He called the police. Stop sentencing me to death. Either just kill me on site or don't do it because you're wasting both of our time at this point. Oh, my God. A hit man. Buffalo Bill. Of course, you're an undercover cop. I got to stop doing this. Oh, my God. He keeps just calling the police when I try and kill him. He's such a bad brother. Come on, work. Shrek wants blood. Shrek wants blood. Yes, he finally died. And I got away with it, too. I've been rejected to a dob because of my age. First I was too young, then I didn't have money, then I'm old. I'm going to disguise as a Fortnite skin. Just that orange just to sing my way out of that bank and I got caught. I should keep trying to appeal my sentence. Maybe I can get off the hook for the whole thing. I overturned. I got released from prison. I'm a free Shrek and I'm depressed because of it for some reason. While eating at a restaurant, you see a woman breastfeeding a child who appears to be about five years old. You tube it. Make a career out of that. All right, I'm going back to being thug. It was fun being Shrek, though. It was nice to just know what it felt like. Oh, my God, the property value. I'll make a massive profit on that. Can you sell it? Yes. I'm making money again. Time to hit the casino. I'm going to bet a million. I wish I could get a bit more. I'd be willing to bet it all just to try and get back to where I used to be. Oh, sweet. You know what? Just stand. I don't care. Turns out I do care. That's upsetting, to be honest. Deal me in. Why do I keep getting such crappy hands? I hate this. Yes, 20. Finally, I'll stand. Thank you very much. There we go. I won. It all turned out okay. I lost 8 million in the casinos, but I gained a million. Like, there we go. That leaves us a total of 7 million lost to the casinos. Okay, we're going to go for the midnight train going anywhere. Midnight. No, I just don't. I don't have the skills I used to. Apparently I could just get a train to pull over when I was young. Now, it seemed as to show up at the track just waiting for the train to go by and hope he'll stop. What? I died? Of what? Natural causes? I think I deserve to go out better than that. I mean, they tried to kill me with a lethal injection and an electric chair about a dozen times. I guess it's fair that nature had to take me in the end. Net worth 3.2 million. I mean, it would normally be impressive in my normal bit life playthroughs, but I pretty much started with 12 million. I'm pretty sad now. And if life's taught me anything, money would make me feel better. So, please like and subscribe. No, just kidding. But I hope you enjoyed that video. If you want to see more bit life, do let me know and leave any suggestions for me to try. I'm willing to try anything in bit life, not real life, as long as it's virtual and I have to leave my house. I am a man of many talents. But yeah, appreciate you watching. As always, folks, I hope you enjoyed and I hope to see you next time. Bye for now.