 Okay, thanks for staying with us. I think we have a video so let's play that first then we'll come back to the conversation Guys, we are facing a lord here in Germany I say lady, we are facing a lord here in Germany, in fact Europe generally, we are facing a lord Like we have to pay for everything Because we don't know what they're called. We don't have love here. There's no love If you like a guy and you talk to the guy, you have to pay for everything Like you just say okay guys, are you coming to my house today? Yeah, sure. I will But you have to pay for the transportation going to come. You have to pay for this guy And after you came to your house, you have to cook for him. You keep cook for him And we don't even know where they're living But according to this German-based Nigerian lady right, it seems like the roles have changed and Nigerian women are the ones seeking the attention of men in the diaspora Gender role is a social role encompassing a range of behaviors and attitudes that are generally considered acceptable, appropriate or desirable for a person based on that person's sex Now gender roles are usually centered on conception of masculinity and femininity although There are exceptions and variations down the specifics regarding these gendered Expectation may vary from culture While other characteristics may be common throughout a range of cultures now. So tonight we are asking What does relationship Seen and gender role, what does it look like the relationship seen and gender role? What does it look like in Nigeria? Vastos the diaspora I think this is why we came back to Nigeria Now please let's see what you have to do when we can join the conversation Send us an sms or what else is very one a zero three and four six six three You can also tweet at us at weisho afga one with the hashtag weisho You know, I mean she raised very salient points about lack of love You know, you know, we always say that one thing that we have going for us as a people is our communal nature But there's a video that I found very interesting that video has been going viral on tiktok in fact the man has 1.8 million views and he has so many sounds like people have used his sound I don't know if they can find that video I mean if you find that video just let me know I'll cue it in You know It's a video on tiktok where the man was talking about women that women actually are supposed to be taking care of right So I think it's a cultural thing in Nigeria I don't know about other african countries because I've not experienced what relationships are like in other african countries But Nigeria right a lot of men pride in themselves to say that you know what I'm that is my woman I'm taking care of her now you call open your eyes say you want to jackpot So this is something to consider When you're jackpot in that you are gonna be alone You are gonna be paid You know, it's so interesting. She said she pays the men to come to her house She will feed them do all sorts of things and all of that and pay back their transport fee to return that she Don't even even know where these men live. Ah, oh what a life Yeah Hey, it seems I mean I feel so bad laughing in the face of the pain of another woman, but really actually My first question is who said you You can't go by yourself but I mean Sorry, it's just so funny um The pecans are slim, you know even here in Nigeria Many women we tell you they are struggling to find good men Where we are plenty like this This hair, this is our own We are all over the place, there is 200 million of us inside 200 million You are still struggling to find the one Are you going to go abroad? I am telling you people that this is the marriage that will be relocated Let me tell you something My own was very simple I was going to come back to Nigeria So I didn't want to date anybody they are abroad Love is a funny thing So catch you now, the next thing you will be like I am just going to stay here and get married So I was always looking for them But the problem that she is facing On a serious note I don't think that it is unique to the Nigerian diaspora I think that most minorities Because my advice to her will be I am sure there are lots of German men But every minority faces the same challenges Once you are outside of your home environment You find that there is that What is the word now There is that a smaller pool to choose from If you watch on popular streaming platforms today There are so many different programs Showing those experiences I particularly like the Indian ones Now maybe it is time for Nigeria to start reconsidering our re-intermarriages Maybe they can help her find a man here And perhaps Perhaps I am all about solutions Maybe that is what we need to start doing But what I mean is that When you watch those kind of shows You see that the challenges are the same Young Indians are looking for people Most of them or a lot of them go home Go back to India to find matchmakers And all of that Also on the platform there is an Indian one There is a Israeli Jewish one I mean there is also So the fact is once you are picking from your smaller pool Your options are limited Quite slim For the tech founders out there Maybe this is now the time to start an app Specifically for certain minorities in the diaspora It's possible I want tech status, where are they But let me come to you easy When you saw the video What came to your mind Did you find it funny Honestly I cannot be sorry for her I am so sorry The same school of thought to be candid I am It was quite hilarious first It was hilarious to me Because I couldn't understand Why she would pay someone To come to her house And she would cook for him And have some hanky-panky with him And at the end of the day This guy would zoom out of the house And she wouldn't even know where he is It also shows two things I am an old-fashioned person Through and through I believe in the gender roles Men are supposed to do what they are supposed to do And the women are supposed to do what they are supposed to do But in this case She is taking or assuming all the roles basically And it shows that To a large extent She doesn't understand her feminism Or her feminity So what she did is She must portray herself In the light of being desperate Okay For attention Or for the fact that she needs a man And she was able to go all out To do everything for him Now with that thought in mind I have the idea that You have the He is a man Men are the same all over the world There is no difference basically Character-wise basically If a woman throws herself At him Or a particular type of man The man will absorb it In every way He can actually think about it In this perspective I am looking at the man being a Sissy to be candid I don't want to say An ambibambi He kind of person Now he is a sissy When I say he is a sissy Because he is a weakling He is comfortable with the woman Doing everything for him And that seems to be the kind of People she is Attracted to Or she finds herself Around that Decinated because again We have individuals Who are also in Germany And I also see Shall I say see him They are also finding Their spouse Because when I looked at that post I actually looked at the commentaries On the post And what she said was Oh There are some people Still here Some of the commentators said We are also in Germany Speak for yourself young lady We are also in Germany And we have I found my husband Three months after I got to Germany So there is Something she isn't doing right And that cuts across Ladies all over the world If you throw yourself at a man Man will do what he has to do And he will walk away Hey Jennifer Over to thee Hey Is it not Where do I want to start from So to an extent I don't agree with some of the things Isi has said But there is one thing I believe If you are going to leave Nigeria And you are relocating abroad You should be ok with being single For a period of time Because the kind of men That we have out there They don't have the same cultural upbringing Or traditional upbringing As the Nigerian man That's a sight Now when you go abroad The thing is A lot of Nigerian women Are looking for Their fellow Nigerian man Right Like Utsi said The pool is very small And guess what Maybe 20 women are chasing one man Do you understand Nigerian men go abroad And then they spread their tentacles They are able to date white women They are able to date Asian women Indian women Or women from other continents Right But when Nigerian women travel abroad You are still looking for the same Nigerian men It's not like you will not find The truth is When you go out there You might find men that are unavailable Now if they are unavailable to you It just means that you are going to remain single For a period of time Pending when you finally find That somebody And sometimes When you find that somebody You realize that There are other women That are chasing him So you end up jumping From one relationship To another Now saying Oh you have men that are That are sissis Or men that are weaklings Again it comes down to cultural upbringing Right How they were brought up That's how it is out there You go out there And then You go on a date Iman is asking you to pay In Nigeria When you go on a date with a Nigerian man I don't think You hardly find a Nigerian man That would actually ask you To pay Or to split the bill On a date Right If you go to If you go to Kenya When I travelled to Kenya last year And I was talking to some of the women They were so excited Because we went for a wedding Right Nigerian and Kenyan wedding And they saw the way The Nigerian men were sparing money That's why they chase out the women They were looking at us Like this So I had to ask somebody Like what's going on Did they ask Nigerian men That their men don't spend money Their men don't do this They don't do all of that I'm like Interesting So they held on to the Nigerian men That we travelled with I said Sure This is how they rush Our men they rush Okay Right So I mean I feel the pain Of this young lady Because I've actually heard about it I mean I have friends in Canada Where the women are actually saying It is very difficult To get into relationships Because when you meet this men Some of them are not ready Right Either because They just came into the country Or they have Some of them are just Yes Some of them are just They want to meet other women From other cultural backgrounds From other continents That they would tell you They would tell you They would tell you Don't And thank you, thank you With her I want to thank you Thank you So the truth is The truth is right If you let something happen It's going to happen Right If you give If I tell a man Oh you can come meet me And we can do He will do it He's only looking at For his selfish interest Right This fact that you cooked for me And you did it does not mean I must be in a relationship with you Or I have to pay for something Right If you give it to me for free I will collect it for free And it's as simple as that You cannot blame the young men Right If she has said no From the beginning Oh I don't want to pay for this They will not force us To bring out her money So she's the one Who wants to do it And the man sees that Oh you are allowing this happen He's going to take advantage of it I don't think you can blame anyone Except if He intentionally lied to her Right About his financial status Or something like that That's an entirely different Situations Right Even young men in Canada I've had Canada friends Men who Nigerian men Who have said Jennifer If you decide To japa And relocate to Canada Come with your man I'm like what do you mean Because the men are scarce For the women Right And then he says He himself He wants A Nigerian woman But he's like I think I want to explore So my question to him If you keep exploring What's going to happen to her I said everybody You came on your own Every man For himself Right I mean these things These things happen Even Chinese people I've worked with the Chinese Right When they come to Nigeria It's not very easy for them To find their fellow Chinese Women Women Or even men To date Right Some of them had to Had to wait See when they brought A new Chinese person To the office They would grab Grab the person like this And most of the Chinese men That I worked with Already have wives Back in China So the Chinese women Who come to the office They don't look at them Two times It's like Oh you're my friend And then that's it So the Chinese women Are struggling Before you know Somebody will say I'm going on vacation They'll go to China Because there is nothing here For them Even the Indians When you meet the Indians You realise that a lot of them Are coupled up already Because somebody Like she said Arrange marriage The man is here He's already working Before you know what's happening His wife has she's wife down His family has she's wife down Down to him Oh Marry Because they themselves They are not ready How many Indians Do you see Marry Nigerians Yeah Marry Nigerians How many Chinese Have you seen Marry Nigerians Even the Europeans That actually come here Some of them come with their women I said maybe they Go to the UK Black women Those are the men That are interested In black women We are the minority And the truth is When you go to a white man's land You go to America And you go to UK Even the white men Still in a way Don't want to date black women And that's the world To find ourselves in It sucks It's not a sweet thing To be in but That's a reality Why are people not open To what's he called Intercontinental marriage Interracial marriage We're not even doing Intertribal Right Hi Let's go on a break I want to open our phone lines I want to hear your thoughts I want to touch on When we come out from that break What EC said about weaklings Because I think again These are like stereotypes That has affected how Men behave We'll come back from that break We'll discuss that And we'll open our phone lines Stay with us Stop cursing them Let the women breathe Suffocate them Let me complete you Now if you just tune in Let the women breathe If you just tuned in right We're discussing relationship And gender roles Especially Nigerian verses The diaspora Now please Let's hear what you have to say Remember you can join the conversation Send us an SMS Or whatsapp to 31 8034663 You can also tweet At us at Weishaw I've got one on hashtag Weishaw Now our phone 9 Is now open Right And the number to call is 070 2507749 I wish today is the day That SA will call from the US Let me see Whether what they are Because I think the US Don't have those challenges There's quite diversity there Compared to Europe Because you know They are a bit again Depending on where you are In the US right The population Yeah Especially like in Atlanta Houston, Texas, Maryland True If you go out and put yourself in some Some very rare Yeah Washington state or something like I mean it's not It's not True very true Simple statistics right It's less people to choose from It's not impossible to find And I think from what Issy was saying The same thing that applies to that lady In Germany It's the same thing that applies to women Even here in Nigeria If you believe you're not going to find Then you You won't find You're not going to find So there is that perspective As well as that mindset Because you do hear a lot of women say that And sometimes for me I come down to What value do you place on yourself And I think that's what Issy was trying to say What value do you place on yourself And are you Do you see yourself As being worth it Do you see yourself as being You can't expect somebody To value you and love you If you don't place that kind of Worth on yourself So are you Essentially I mean I don't even know that I would judge her from the perspective Of maybe paying for transportation Or whatever Because that starts to break the conversation Down too far away from me But the fact is Once you have a mindset about something It's going to manifest in the way That your mindset goes You know Speaking about mindset I know that this happens a lot In the evil culture Correct me if I'm wrong I know that a lot of time That's why December is a big deal For the evils right You see them go back home Some of the once living in Lagos here The young ladies They tell you That's home that I'm going Because a lot of guys from Daspora A lot of women from Daspora So it's almost like a convergence So everybody then sees Okay ho ho ho But you see when we talk about Gender roles Which is where Issy was touching on And talking about weekends And all of that We still need to correct the notion That a man must be the provider Genocide Really if I have the money I would say the private jet To go and pick up my guy Guy meet me up in What's he called Where that fancy place Where the private jet they land Just meet me up there I send the jet to you I mean it doesn't make any sense For you to stereotype the roles And believe that it is a mother Must do certain things That's what I'm trying to say But I think we have our first caller For the evening Austin from Benin You are live Good evening Austin are you there Good evening Good evening Good evening Yes good evening your live Hello You are live We can hear you Austin Hello Oh sugar I think you have to call back Because Can you hear me good evening Yes we can hear you Go ahead Okay but from here Somebody here And what is it like in In London When the guy is there Think you are Do they also pay your bills Like we do here in Nigeria Because I'm very proud To do that here in Nigeria And what she told me was that She explained it from Because I was in West Africa That culture Because I was in Africa Without it all It would not allow you to Pick your bills Before they proud of you I said okay You are okay now Why do you say that Well I'm a Nigerian woman If you take me out We should pay my bills So the question I What is this about Nigeria That is the way Nigeria That only demand Keep picking the bills Austin The culture Austin Now we have a problem We have a problem now A lot of young men Don't have jobs Go ahead Young men don't have jobs And now you have A lot of ladies Who want to get married And now we don't have money To get married So we are probably In a very big problem right now Thank you A serious problem And maybe we should keep We have to find a way to We have to find a way around it I mean we have to do things differently now Good evening Thank you Austin Lots The men Breathe There's no way Austin If you don't have a job Please don't look for a relationship It was so funny When Austin was speaking One of the first experiences A close friend of mine So she relocated back to Nigeria From the US And it was We went for A burial of another friend's father And there were all these Her colleagues Work colleagues and friends People that had We'd all come from Lagos together To be in for the burial We're in a hotel So you know The party was over But we were all sat outside And then we ordered some food So you know We were hungry We ordered food And then the guys too ordered food So you know Respectful people I just met you today I don't know you You know So when we finished eating We asked for the bill Never in my life Have I had such Very met anger They don't know also The anger was How dare you So you are trying to say That between the three of us We cannot pay for this food My friend and I were like What's going on here And it was such a big deal So I think there is a cultural context Because they were obviously Extremely upset by the fact That They were not trying to pay The bill in their presence Was an insult And we were Spoilers, please So it's a thing It's not a thing It's a thing So I was going to say You know Help me clarify this thing Because again When you put the words Weakling to a man Right It doesn't sit well in my system Maybe you should help me Throw more light On what you meant by that How do we define a man Is based on principles What's the man's principle Just like a woman Should have a principle A man should have his principles He should have Certain things that guide him To make certain decisions Okay Now where we have individuals Or a man Who is comfortable Okay Have comfortable with A woman Coming to a woman's house Eating half-food Having hanky-panky with her And walking away He's hanky-panky It's like a It's like a cold man You know that we have a cold girl We have a cold man Here Playing So Well This individual has played out In the lady's life He has made a situation He has made the situation seem like He is just here For the game He has come He has played He has walked away That's not somebody He is supposed to take serious food Which brings me back To the fact that If he was not serious About this lady He shouldn't have Eating half-food He should have Eating half-food Based on the fact That he has Taking this thing too deep A man with principles Would not Put himself in that position Where he would do everything With the lady Even if the lady is willing At least he would lay the cat On the table for the woman For the woman to say Okay, yes I'm willing to play the game Based on this But for everything that was Exhibited by this lady She wasn't sure Of what this man's standing was It was just like Hey, it was Something that he just had to do Or he was lying To pay him in particular Now look who's your mother Say the man that you belong to Do you not think that That is actually his career If the last choice That is his career part To be happy To be lucky on What is it called? It was principle Alright It might be his principle To just be eating him his money now Principle doesn't have to be What is the definition Of principle Being principle Principle is what you believe in Right What you stand for What you believe in Maybe what he believes in And what he stands for Is eating women's money And doing the hanky-panky I think he I'm fairly judging this person Everything Yeah He might really get there You're coming from I told you understand What she's saying But again A man Who knows himself Will not put himself in that position If that is what he wants to do It's fine It's okay But a situation where The lady is not aware of That is what he wants from her That is a No, no But we don't know that But we don't know that You're overthinking it Yeah My perspective here is this We don't know enough About the guy or the situation To say here is what it is Exactly But the fact is Let's not forget that this person Has gone into the diaspora She doesn't understand how long He's been there He might still be in the hungry phase Where I just got here I haven't settled in I mean there are just so many But she was taking it seriously Sorry She was taking it quite seriously She was taking it quite seriously Yes, that lady is serious And Are you to pay for a man To come over to your house For you Had made her serious Yes So she is sorting herself out In the best way that she can I'm just saying that I don't know that we know enough About the guy To make that call to say Some people just need to eat Let me tell you something This particular arrangement The way she used the amount To explain it It was mutually beneficial What did they call it The hanky punky was The hanky punky was Like literally right When someone says It's just like how girls You understand A guy would invite you I mean you've seen several videos On Instagram A guy would invite you Over at the girls He puts the guy off right It's the same thing right Some guys go ahead To give the girls Transport money Some guys say No, why would I send you Transport money If you want to come If you're not coming stay Do you understand It's the same thing The lady should have done I mean I say Let's meet And you now say Send transport Does it that already give you An idea That this is a noble area You know Come back and cry Crying about the transport money She is crying about This is what I have to do To get my hands on a man That's true That's true That's true She was crying She was asking herself She had a need And she found a solution You may not like the solution That is fine But let's not detract Detract from the main point I also find it very weird I find it very weird That you're inviting somebody To your house And you don't know where they live Right to me To me It is very irresponsible Even for a man And for a woman Right If you're inviting someone To your house You don't know where they live You probably don't even have Like full information On this person And then They come to your house What if they kill you Right I understand I understand That People get desperate Which is normal Men get desperate See it's desperation That makes men Live America And come down to their village And marry a woman That they don't even know From Adam Right You just pick a woman And then you go And get married Because you want to You want to marry You want to subdue her When you finally get there Or something like that Right People get desperate In as much as I get that But don't put yourself at risk Just because They're looking for what's bad Please let's do this thing With caution As you say You also do hanky panky That's your business I'm not even going to judge you Oh yeah That's your choice But let's In trying to bring down Bring wind down this conversation Right How do we begin To help people Living in the dashboard Right To begin to shape I mean Shift their beliefs Because I believe strongly that It's because So I had a conversation With someone And the person said that If you notice A lot of Nigerians When they leave They're looking for Nigerian communities Nigerian this Nigerian that Somehow Right It limits The opportunities That you would create For yourself eventually You know So I mean She was just like counseling That if we have people That are going abroad You know Try as much as possible To look beyond Your immediate community Or what you are used to What you're familiar with A lot of people Make that same mistake Right They want to just go within That community Because again If you truly want to What's it called Get used to a place You must also explore Some people are not Comfortable exploring They just want to Be in that diakokon So you see them Eating Nigerian food You see them Eating Going to Nigerian restaurants You see them Only patronising So they don't even explore Other Probably the owners of the land Their culture And all of that So how would you Become a lot more Accepting Or welcoming Of those kind of people So I mean There are certain things That I feel like If we begin to Shift how we think Right Perhaps Right We begin to also Look appealing To those people I mean I've seen So many people marry Blacks I've seen Different cultures Marry different people Right Except you are the ones That say No, no, no I must marry for my village Because this even happens here You want to marry a Yoruba man They say No, no, no You must go back to a dhostate You understand So let me take Philly For more joy I think he's been holding I'll come back to you Philly if you're alive Hello Did we lose him Go ahead The diaspora conversation For me First and foremost Is We gravitate to the known The concept Or the idea Of moving to a completely New space Is already quite unsettling It is natural To want to gravitate To what you know The challenge there is When you do not broaden Your horizons Beside Beyond that So yes A lot of people today I can say that Live in the UK In fact We used to make this joke When a Nigerian Fully Nigerian TV station Opened Because People now had no reason To watch BBC Or whatever they held You know You could just turn this Station on And it was Nigerian movies All the time So the fact is The world has become Multicultural Depending on where you live You have access to these things And it doesn't allow you To broaden your horizons Unless you deliberately do so And in a lot of Nigerians do And it's not just Nigerians We are all locked These are cultures Minorities are cultures Because you stick to the known You stick to people That share your values That share your You know your thought process And all of that The fact is When you do go abroad You do need to Interact with other people And integrate To eat other foods The one that's funny for me Is the people that go on holiday And then go and look for Nigerian food In Dubai Is Philip still there? Or the will Hello Hi, you're lying Hello Good evening Hello, good evening Good evening Yeah, good evening Go ahead Yeah, something like expression In what words The woman means Is another man's voice What that lady wants May not be what you wanted What you wanted May not be what Another lady wanted So lady can Actually do anything You can do to win a man To herself Thank you very much Thank you Brief It's just that This move failed Because now she don't know Where the man did Maybe don't switch your food Let me can begin the crisis This was wasted investment But you try your luck You invest You try, you invest But easy Let me come back to you Final thoughts Then I'll come back To the studio My final thoughts on this Yeah Hope I hope that she is We ladies are able to Understand what we want from a man And we should be able to Put our castrate on the table With anybody who we think We are likely to be serious with Okay So that you are not assuming That the person is interested in you In a particular way When he is not So for me I would always say Put your cast on the table And let him know What it is you want from him It's as simple as ABC And if it's what he wants He rolls with you If it's not what he wants He walks away Okay Jennifer, how about you? Yeah, so for me I think it is okay People need to start Prepping themselves up It is okay for you To go out there And meet people Or date people That are outside of your race Right? The most important thing is Your values align So if your values align Why not Go ahead Get married Depending on what your goal is But if you feel like That's not what you want And you still want your Nigerian man Then go get this sis For you Good luck No, it's not good luck To all my Nigerian men Taking care of us Please don't stop We love it For you to take care of us Thank you Don't stop When I make it in my life I will also take care of you This one was Investment going wrong So why you want to invest Please Not the soil You are planting that seed Whether it's good to germinate I think we have one comment Which we want to take So Nigerian men, I appreciate you I appreciate you I appreciate you I say thank you I say may the love bless you Please women Continue to take care of us Our men Take care of us And let us bring Let us bring So we have a comment here It says good evening My dear beautiful sisters Of what are you saying Hashtag ways Relationship and gender roles Nigeria versus the diaspora My dear beautiful sister Issy said something about A woman paying a man To come and pay her to visit To pay her a visit To me that is not too bad But the man should not See it as a habit And be used to it When a man is used to such Principal of feeding fat From a woman's money Then he is not A responsible man And he becomes a liability To my own understanding I am entitled to my own opinion The man should be the one To take care of the bills My dear beautiful sister Jennifer said one important thing You are inviting someone to your house And you do not know where The person comes from The person comes to kill you This is very important And should not be ignored Of course that is from Daniel Illo Our regular fan Thank you Daniel Adey also sent in one Very quick It says good evening ladies The lady in the video Has lost confidence in herself So she switched on the panic button On herself And allowed men to take advantage Is stupid in writing a man A male gender You do not know His address into her apartment Is an internal jachba You do not go ut ilo Ut ilo Daniel Illo and Adey Thank you for taking care of us Say please Like you are me I just want to say Thank you We appreciate you Please I am not proud We need to be taking care of And then Because the pepper That they are showing people In the diaspora Please do not change Just say the way you are Do more Do more I did not We bless you I thank you so much For watching Thank you EC Thank you Jennifer And thank you UT Before we go I am sure you follow us Across all our social media handles And where you show Africa You can interact with us Further drop a comment And more importantly Follow all our engagement On social media Like share Invite your families and friends To watch and follow the conversation Do you have another comment? If you miss today's quote Here it is again Men had suddenly become A scarce commodity Even though quite as Thought after as rice Hi This is Sirius Mata We'll see you guys Live at 8pm tomorrow As we bring another great conversation To your screen Ciao