 Are you a black man that dates outside your race? I, uh, wait, okay, wait, wait, wait. Don't look like the question, yes or no? Yeah, yeah, see, I had to think. Um... Will you moving forward and have you in the past? Have I dated outside of my race? I've dated a racially ambiguous woman before. Okay. But typically I date with like 95% within my race. Like, I love black women so much. I just don't, I don't see it any other way. Okay. All right. So, you know, there's this whole mantra of black men that date white women, something about... It's either their marriages last, their marriages don't last. I didn't really remember which one. Does it bother you when you see a black man with a white woman? And does it bother you when you see a black woman with a white man? No. It's not me. Like... You don't even like, look back like? I'm indifferent. I'm like, I'm so indifferent. And the reason I'm indifferent is because I understand some of those black men who date outside of their race. And I'll give you an example. I feel, this is just personally, I don't have any facts or data statistics to back this up, right? I feel like a lot of times these black men that date outside their race are men that black women probably wouldn't have even wanted to date or looked at. I'll give you an even more specific example. Okay. Childhood is going to be, what's his name? Danny Glover. Glover. Danny Glover. Have you heard him talk? Have you seen him? He's very... He's like artistic. Yeah. That wasn't the word I was going to use, but sure. He's like feminine. I think a lot of black women would describe him as very weird. Yeah. Like he's also... He talked about that on the streets. He's also very feminine at times. Like his gestures, you know, the way his whole, you know, demeanor is not... It doesn't fit the stereotype of black masculinity. You understand what I'm saying? So when a guy like that, who black women probably would have been shunning and calling weird and, you know, he's not straight enough, he doesn't fit the black mode for what black America says is black masculinity. When he goes and dates a white woman who he probably has more in common with because they accept his weirdness, why are we up in arms about that? Why are black women upset about that? You wouldn't have looked twice at him to begin with. So what's the issue? You understand what I'm saying? He found someone who accepts him in everything that he is. He can wear the same clothes for three days if he wants to. You understand what I'm saying? He can be as weird as he wants to. He doesn't have this need to be macho all the time or to be hood or to be this whatever. He doesn't have that. He doesn't have to fit into this box. He can just be himself, right? Why is that a problem that he dates someone who's accepts and loves that about him? I have so many questions in my head right now. Okay, so let's talk about black masculinity then. Please. Because there are a lot of women, we're not generalizing, there are a lot of black women that are artistic. They're creative. They're into horoscopes or into crystals or into stuff like that. Absolutely. That might be more accepting of a man like him. Do you think that we are over-inflating the black man, white women, black women, white man concept? Do you think we're making it bigger than what it really is? Yes. Because over 80% of black people still marry within it. Black men still marry black women. So it's like we always pick the one celebrity that's married to a white woman and try to make that what the masses are doing and we forget the other 50,000 celebrities, celebrity black males who are married to black women. LeBron James married to a black woman. Steph Curry is married to a black woman. But we'll find that the one celebrity or basketball player that's not, and we'll make a big deal out of it. You understand what I'm saying? Absolutely. So we definitely make a... It's not as common. Why do you think that it's such a huge conversation then? Because it's a conversation. And I also think there's this narrative that other races of women are taking all the good black men. And that's not to say there are, again, there are black men who marry outside of their race, but again, it's not the norm. If you're the kind of woman that a black man or whatever caliber wants to marry, he's going to find you, he's going to marry you. Like men are good at finding the woman that they want. Okay. Okay. So we've established that it might be an overinflated conversation. I do not think it's overinflated when black men say, I'm dating out my race because other races of women are more feminine, they're softer, they're this and they're that. I think that's a theme that I don't think it's overinflated. I think there's a genuine reason to have that conversation. Yes, there is, but I agree and I disagree. Okay. I'll tell you why, and then we'll have the conversation that you want to have because I do agree that that's a conversation worth having. But here's why I disagree that it's overinflated because I do think it is a bit overinflated. All it takes is a photo. And never ever has to take a black man saying, oh, I'm dating her because black women don't even have to hear that. All they need to see is a photo in their up and arms. We see a photo of Serena Webber with her white husband posted on Shade Room. The comments that we typically see are, oh, I'm going to go get me one. Oh, she found him a brad. Oh, yes, girl, I'm with that. Let me go get me one. Now, again, all we saw was a photo, no commentary behind it. If we take that same parallel black male celebrity and a white woman, immediately it's going to be hateful comments. It's not going to be the same energy. And there will be no record of him ever saying, I'm doing this because black women do this. And it's like they're proving the point. Yes, it's definitely overinflated. Black men don't have to say I'm dating her because she's more this. Y'all are going to automatically create that narrative just off of a photo. Do you think that other races, OK, this is kind of flipping it up a bit. But I want to play devil's advocate. I like to debate a little bit. Do you think that other races of women on average or as a collective are more softer and feminine and more submissive than black women? Let me ask you a question. Sure. I'm going to ask you a question. Yeah, absolutely. Who are the people telling black women that they are not as feminine or whatever? They're not as soft. Yeah, who are the people who are telling black women this? It's mostly men. Mostly what kind of men? It's mostly black men. OK. That was kind of like, I want you to follow. OK, so telling versus having the conversation around. You answered it correctly. Black men, follow me. I'm following you. I believe, intimately, black women know black men more than we know ourselves. In some sense. OK. Because you got your data. You're our sisters, our mothers, our cousins. And verily, black men know black women in some aspects more than you know yourselves. So if black men are telling you, sister, we need y'all to work on this. Who better to tell you that? We know you more intimately than any other group. We're your brothers, your fathers, your cousins, your friends, your lovers. We know you more intimately than any other group. So we're telling you and it's coming from a place of good faith that you need to work on this, this and this. It shouldn't be don't speak on black women's business. You know, one thing black women have evolved and gotten so good at it is throwing anything away that does not fit into what they want to believe. You understand what I'm saying? They will discredit. They have so many shame tactics to get you to just shut the fuck up. Nobody can tell black women, look, y'all should do this better for us. We hope to marry you someday. Like we're in this together. Black women should absolutely be telling black men what we should, we can do better. If not y'all, then who? Let me, so let me ask you and let's kind of sit on that a little bit because I think that this conversation is important because a Kevin Samuels is not saying anything differently than what you're saying really. He's just saying it in a different type of way, right? Okay. Humans should be able to come together and communicate with each other no matter what to sit down. You come go to your job and you sit down, you have a spat with your coworker and y'all hash it out, right? So how do you think the conversation needs to be had between black men and black women where it's receptive on both sides? We're talking about in person, not social media going back and forth where it's receptive on both sides and where both parties who have solid stripes with each other where both parties will understand one another. And what setting, what tone, and you can do either black men side or the black women side or you can do both, whatever you want to do. I don't think black men really have an issue with listening to black women. We've been doing it all our lives. Like we hear y'all when y'all, like if a black woman says black men are attractive when they do, perfect example, right? The reason that most black men are running around right now with struggle beards is because black women like beards. A couple years ago we heard black women say, I like my men bearded. And now every man is trying to grow a beard, struggling, but he's trying to grow a beard. You're shitting out of connecting, but you're trying. You know why? Because we hear black women when y'all say, yo, you need to go get some money, you need to go get the bag. Black men are trying to go get the bag. You understand what I'm saying? So we hear black women when they say all the things we need to do. A real man would do. How many times do we hear that all the time? Y'all think we're not listening? We hear y'all. We don't say black women need to stay out of black men business. We don't say that. We don't have those phrases to tell you to basically get y'all to shut up. We don't have those phrases because we don't have a problem listening. Can I push back a little bit? Sure. So I agree with what you're saying. And I hate to equate this with social media, but social media is a good gauge of a lot of different people, you know, that you won't run into on the day to day basis. There I feel like are a lot of men, and correct me if I'm wrong, that did do something about a black woman before that black woman is even able to express herself. So for example, I talk a lot about how I don't really run into a lot of black women that are loud and ignorant and hard and masculine. I don't experience that much, right? And, but I'll talk to men and they're like, they'll send me a video of something that happened or, you know, they'll, they'll send give me a reason for why, you know, a lot of women are like that. Do you feel as though I'm going somewhere. Give me a second. Do you feel as though most black women are like that on average? Or do you feel as though there's a select few that are like that, that have represented the group? And do you think that's an issue if so? I think there are too many like that. I can't, I can't say if it's more or less, because again, I don't, I don't have statistics on how many black women are loud and obnoxious and this side. But I think it's too many to the point where it's become to represent the group, because if it was such a minority, it wouldn't be a conversation. You understand what I'm saying? So it's, it's enough that to the point where it's too many that it warrants an ongoing conversation. Do you feel like those two, those, those black women are representation of you as a black man? And does it embarrass you, I guess you could say? Anything that makes us look bad as a people embarrasses me on both sides. I can name a bunch of shit that black men do that I think is embarrassing to black people. So I don't want to make this like a black women arm. Like that's not what it is. Like anything that you do that's distasteful for the group, it's embarrassing. Period. I think you asked what I think that's a represent, do I think it's a representation of me? What was your question? Like do, do you feel like the, the, the ratchets and the louds and the hard women that they talk about? Do you feel like it's a representation of you, which you did answer? Um, do you feel like we have a, how do you, how do I board this? Cause you kind of still kind of answer this, but I wanted to go deeper. I'm trying to figure out a way to do this. Do you feel like we, to the outside world, how do you think that black people as a collective reviewed to the outside world? And how, what steps do you think that we can take to be able to change our image in the minds of non-black people? I think our image isn't the best. And do you think that even matters at the end of the day? Cause if it doesn't matter, then have less conversation. I think it matters to the people it matters to. Like if you, if you're someone who feels like, uh, if you care how black people are viewed as a whole, then it matters to you. I don't think it matters to everyone. It doesn't matter to you. Yes. It matters to me. It matters to me more so not because of how other people, I feel like other people are viewing us. It matters to me because I just want us to look better just for ourselves. Like, you know what I mean? Like the same way women say, when I get dressed to look good, it's for me. Okay. Let's make our image as a whole look better for us. Why can't we do that? Fuck how everybody else feels. We should want to, you should just want to look good as a unit. So yeah, it matters to me. Or to some ways you think, like actionable steps tomorrow that you think that black men and black women could take to clean up this image. Just, I feel like we should just start listening to what each other want because the only way I think, I really think it goes back to family. I think family structure will repair more than people give it credit for. I think family structure in the black community is extremely important. And the way we get that is to actually talk to each other, figure out what we want and what we don't want. And I think we would have more lasting couples and more two parent households. And return our children would not be dead last because right now they are black boys are dead last by any metrics. So we'll get a return on that. The next generation would be better off than we were. And then the generation after that and then it can create a culture where we're actually progressing. Because right now I don't think we are. You think we're pretty stagnant or you think we're getting worse? I think we're getting worse to be quite frank. But it depends who you ask I guess. I think we're getting worse to the things that I think should matter. I think there are some things we're getting better at. But again, it depends who you ask. Okay, cool. Yeah, so let's talk about your platform, the name of it. And let's talk about where it started and or who influenced it. So the platform is poetic style, right? And when I started it via Instagram, I was just telling stories. I was telling stories from a woman's perspective because I'm just great at putting myself in situations and evoking these emotions from people based on how I believe that they feel in certain situations. And it garnered a lot of attention a lot of women could relate because it felt like I was speaking for them or to them. Eventually, it became me not only wanting to tell their stories and speak for them, but also help them in a sense. So I looked at it as therapy, a healing process, no for them. Like a healing process. But here's the problem, right? If you have some kind of issue, whatever the case would be, you go to a doctor, you go to get therapy. The end goal is for you to leave at some point. You're not supposed to stay there forever. You're supposed to go in, check in, get what you need, get better, and leave. What I realized was people aren't leaving. They weren't coming to my page, getting what they need, healing, and then leaving. They were staying and overdosing on this. And too much of anything is bad. You know what I mean? So I feel like it's hard to inflate their sense of self. And I want to make the distinction. You should absolutely love yourself. But I don't want you to become so jaded on looking for the perfect man because he doesn't exist. And I don't want to encourage people to leave their relationship because a nigga sneezed wrong. And it started to feel like that's what it was becoming. Oh, babe, girl, he sneezed wrong. Uh-uh, love yourself. You deserve better. You know what I mean? Oh, he enclosed the kitchen cabinet. Uh-uh, girl, leave. Get out of there. You deserve better. I don't want it to be that. Too much of anything is bad. That's not self-love. At a point, it just becomes you being unrealistic with what you expect from the dating market. And so I feel like that's what it became. And recently, I've been posting a lot of memes because I'm working on some other things that I wanted to transition to. But, you know, I wrote five books. I have five books out like self-help as far as like women who need healing who want to go through the process because there's an infinite amount of emotions you feel during a breakup, during after a breakup, that process, that pocket between trying to get over someone and let somebody else into your life. And that pocket is basically what my books were kind of centered around. But again, I didn't want people to just come there and stay. You were supposed to get what you need and then heal and move on with your life. But I felt like a lot of people were just overdosing on it. Okay. So there's a lot of men that would be like, oh, this man is simping like he's a stamp, this and that. Yeah. Do you think that you, your position is helpful in how it differs from maybe like the position of the man is fear because the goal isn't similar. However, it's still surrounding black women. Your position is just more like a Derrick Jackson. The man is fear is more like a Kevin Samuels. So do you think your position is helpful? Is it like a Derrick Jackson? No, because Derrick Jackson, we have you believe that women can do nothing wrong. Okay. Women absolutely can. Okay. I think as this episode plays, people will realize that I've pointed out more than a couple of ways women can absolutely do something wrong and they can do things better. And men can also do things better. So my position, if I had to say I had a position, I think people should eat the meat throughout the bone. So I feel like you can get something from the man is fear. People and from the Derrick Jackson people. I think self love is important. But I also think self awareness is just as important. And I feel like a lot of times people overdose on self love and have no self awareness. And some people have self awareness and no self love. So I feel like there needs to be a balance. I'm not telling people that everything Derrick Jackson says is wrong and he's leading you astray. I don't believe that. I think people like him and I have been a people like him are giving you necessary tools to not lose yourself, not lose love for yourself as you maneuver through the dating market. But at the same time, self awareness is important. I just want people to never lose sight of reality and what is actually out in the market because people really think I'm going to meet a perfect person. And if this person, he or she, this person not perfect, I should be able to leave them in the name of self love. And I don't think that's realistic. Yeah. Okay. Cool.