 Okay, good morning to all of you. Welcome to week nine. We're almost a little more than half way. So welcome to all the e-learning students. Just a quick update for all the students that I've put in the assessment, the mid assessment, March assessment. You'll have some time to complete it. e-learning students, you have time to do the last day, but online and students here, you have two weeks. So please ensure that you completed it. The marks carry on to your final assessment. Okay. All right. So a quick recap. What did we do last week? What did we do last week? Everyone is only waking up. We started off with counseling skills. The first skill that we did was, what is the first? Attending skills. The second that we did was responding skills. So responding skills we did, responding meaning, responded feeling, responding content. We spoke about that last week. Sorry, Anand. Five categories. Yeah. All right. So today we're going to do the skills of questioning. Okay. Everyone loves this. Why? Because that's the best that when someone is coming with a problem, asking questions is the most easiest things. No, Francis. Right? Okay. Okay. So we look at questioning skills today. In fact, this probably is the most hardest skill to really pick up. Sometimes we think questioning is easy to do. But actually, when we're questioning, we use those skills with a lot of intention, hoping to get some clue or some way to respond. Okay. So this is, and your questioning skills need to develop. It's a skill that really requires growth that requires developing, which means we have to do it intentionally. We have to understand what we want to elicit when we are actually using these skills. So today we're going to be doing a lot of practice alongside with responding. Now, since I'm here today, I have two, three, five of my students sitting here. So we're going to have a lot of fun today. Okay. So questioning skills. All right. So before we get started, would you like to share some questions that we regularly ask? What are questions you regularly ask? How are you? What happened? What, what you had? What do you, what do you have to eat? What you ate? Okay. Prince? How are you feeling? Okay. And then, Nikhil, what's the question you'd ask? Did you read the Bible? Okay. Did you read the Bible? Okay. What are you going to do in future? Okay. Nikhil, did you pray? Okay. Anand, did you sleep? Anand is in that mode today. Okay. Do you believe in Jesus? Okay. All right. So let's move forward and let's look at what is the purpose of questioning skills and why is it so important in counseling? Okay. So the, the purpose of it is unlike the way that we ask questions, like a lot of the questions we asked, how are you, how was your day? What do you generally answer? Fine. Good. What happened? Nothing. How are you feeling? Excellent. Excellent. Now, there is a certain pattern that we answer questions and some of the times when questions come to us, we want to avoid it. And so we give it a very, very plain answer. But in counseling, questions are very, very direct and it should elicit some information or elicit some thoughts, some ideas. Okay. So what is the questioning? There are, there are many things that questioning helps to do. It helps to guide the counseling conversation in a certain way that makes more meaning to the story of your counseling. All right. It's just not information gathering. But you're, you're able to do a lot more other things with good questions. Okay. So this is something that helps you. Finally, you're guiding the conversation in such a way, not just to know the information, but also come to a place of action, an action point. Remember the three stages? Exploration, EUA, understanding and moving into action. Right. Yeah. So your question should help in all three of these, three of these areas. Okay. When is it used? It's generally used a lot more in the information gathering, but it is a skill that should be used throughout the process of counseling. Like I said, it's, it's not just to gather information, but it's also to help in understanding. It's also to help in the action. Right. Okay. So what does questioning do? Now, questioning, the first things that you're, you're, what, what you need to ask is what purpose should your questions serve. So the first one that you see is it is, it helps to assist, clarify information that may first seem confusing or ambiguous or not clear to the counselor. So questions during the counseling session opens up new areas for discussion. It helps you to see new areas. It also can help you to pinpoint what is an issue that you may want to get clarity, clarity of. So it actually invites your counseling to recall information, to think of information and help them to explore themselves a lot more. Okay. So if you look at the example that follows, you, you know, some of the questions that you ask is this, I'm sorry, I didn't understand. Would you please repeat that? Okay. So whenever you don't have to pretend that you've understood everything, whenever you need clarity, you can actually ask, or what do you think about what I just said? Or would you give me an example by what you meant by, so when they give you maybe vague, you know, vague concepts, like, I feel very, very down. So you can say, could you give me an example to tell me what you meant by you feel down? Right? Or I feel very numb. Can you give me, so it enhances much more of a communication. It gets you to understand a lot more than just certain words that they're using. So it's important to learn some good questioning techniques to help elicit that information. Okay. Next, it aids in self exploration, which, which is what we spoke about. We said, we said that it being the three first three stages exploration, it helps you to understand a lot more when, when you're asking these questions. So here are some examples. What further thoughts do you have about this person your parents want you to marry? Okay. So you're actually diving in a lot more about the thoughts about this person. These are just examples I've given you or you mentioned that your father always made you feel important. What did you mean? Okay. Or what are you feeling as we are talking about this? So it's just helping to dive in a lot more. It's not just being at the surface level, but helping you to really dive into the issue. Okay. Next, it encourages your counselling to talk. It's basically an invitation that you are extending to your counselling to talk a little bit more about whatever is on their mind. So example, you said something about your sister a little while ago. Are you interested in telling me about her now? Right. So all of this gives you a place where you're allowing your counselling to talk or they may say something about some environment. Maybe they're talking about their home and in passing they're saying, not that things are better at home. So you can, so that encourages you. You said, you know, I understand that you don't feel too good about home either. Would you like to share a little bit about your home? Right. So you're giving a lot more encouraging them to talk. Next, it helps to open up new areas of discussion. So here the example is you're very disappointed at the way you are treated at office. How do you feel at home? Okay. So you're exploring a lot more from just sticking to that specific point that your counselling is sharing. Okay. All right. So these are, sorry, which one this one helps to open up new areas of discussion. So it gives you a lot more. So basically what you're doing through questioning is a lot more of understanding, a lot more of exploration, not just for yourself, but also for your counsellors. Okay. Now, there are certain questions, certain categories of question that you, that it's important to understand that these are called as productive questioning. They can either be productive or it can be unproductive. What do you mean by productive? To bring some result. Yeah. So productive questioning are that which actually has some end goal. Right. It's not, we'll see what unproductive questions are. So productive questions are the positive form of questioning. And these questions create and produce those interactions that can have abundant results for both the counselling as well as for the counsellor. All right. Now, a few of those productive questions, one is to energize thought. You give a question like for example, I'm asking you, what do you think about Bible college? So you really have to maybe take a little bit of time to think about it. Right. But if I ask you a question like, is Bible college nice? Does it help you think? You just say yes or no. Right. It's not too much of a productive question. But these kind of thoughts help you to think a little bit more. Okay. So here, there are some examples. What makes you think so? What is happening in your mind right now? Like maybe I'll ask Francis, Francis, what are you thinking about right now? What are you thinking about right now, Francis? Which activity is going to happen? That's what you're thinking about. Okay. You're getting nervous about that. Okay. Or questions like how do you explain his behavior? Right. So something has happened and you're seeing that. So you're basically energizing thought. The second one is to express feeling. Expressing feeling is you're getting them to think about what you're feeling. What makes you feel this way? So like I'll ask you, what are you feeling about going today to Mangalore? Anand, excited. Why is it exciting for you? Because of the schedule that you all have there. Okay. Prince, what are you looking forward to when you're going to Mangalore? New experiences and what you're going to learn. Okay. And how are you feeling about it right now? Okay. Waiting for the time to think. Okay. So you see, so it adds a lot more to the conversation. Okay. Or expressing feelings of what is happening between you and your husband right now. So these are all just examples that you use. Okay. Next. Okay. Productive questioning. One of them is also what we call as to link comments. And so this one, in sometimes maybe your councillor is sharing some information with you and you are linking certain things that your councillor has said. So let's look at this example. The councillor says, my mother constantly calls me dumb. I guess maybe I don't work hard enough but the work is too hard for me. Okay. So here the councillor is saying, I hear something in what you are saying. I wonder if you seem to agree with your mother. So you see, this councillor is saying one thing. My mother constantly calls me dumb and she's guessing. I guess maybe I don't work hard enough but the work is too hard for me. So the councillor is asking, I wonder if you seem to agree with your mother. Rather than saying, what you're saying is you are agreeing with your mother. I didn't make it as a statement. When I make it as a question, I'm open to hear what they are going to say. I don't want to infer or believe that her mother has said it deliberately but I'm inferring. So I'm saying, I wonder if you agree with what your mother said. So she may say yes or she may say no or she may say I don't know. I should ask her whatever. But you're helping to link certain comments in order for you to have a better understanding about the councillor. The last one it is to redirect. So this is a question where you are getting your councillor to focus away from something that they're paying so much of attention to into something else. Like for example, is it possible you focus on your son more to avoid what is happening between you and your husband? Francis, are you here? Yeah, come back. Come back, come back. Okay, so you're redirecting your councillor through a question saying that maybe this client was focusing on their son so much that they're avoiding the problem between the husband and the wife. So it's a question, a very direct question. You're saying, do you think you're focusing on your son so that you avoid the problem between your husband and wife? And that actually again brings about a discussion. Okay, are you all with me? Okay, very sleepy day today. Okay, so let's try some productive questions. Let's try some productive questions. Okay, let's look at a scenario. And I'm just trying to see if I have a... Okay, let's look at a scenario of... Okay, suppose I'm a Bible college student and I've decided to leave Bible college. Okay, and you all are all my friends. And you ask me questions that are productive, that you think should be productive to elicit to know why I want to leave. Okay, so I'm a Bible college student and I've decided to leave. And I'm telling all of you, hey guys, I'm leaving today. I'm leaving the course. Okay, so what are the productive... What happened Francis? So what are the productive questions you will ask to help me to... One for me to process and for you all to understand. Go. Francis, your first chance. First chance, Francis. What will you ask? My friend. I'm your friend only. No, if it is I am your friend. I'm your classmate. What is the reason you're leaving? What is the reason you're leaving? Leaving. No, he wasn't there. So the scenario is I am your friend in Bible college and I'm leaving Bible college. I've decided to leave. So what is the productive question you will ask? Okay, so he said what is the... What is the reason you're leaving? Okay. You've been so good in the Bible college. Why suddenly what happened? Okay, so you... She said, Nina said you've been so good at Bible college. What happened suddenly? Okay, Nikhil. Huh? Please go. Okay, so what did you ask? I would like to ask ma'am like... First thing, what is the reason and do you have any other plans so because of that you're leaving? Okay, what are your other plans? Okay, alright. I may ask something like did you still remember the purpose why you came to Bible college or do you still remember why you... Do you remember why you came to Bible college? What was your initial purpose to join Bible college? Okay, very good. Okay, Anand. Okay. Sorry, I'll repeat. The reason why you are leaving Bible college is it a God's will or it's your own decision? Okay, so have you thought about whether this is your own decision or whether it's God's will? Okay, Anthony asked you have been doing very well. Why are you giving up so early? Okay, any other question? Remember I said energize, thought, explore feelings. How do you explore a feeling about me leaving Bible college? How will you help me to talk about how I'm feeling? No, by question. This is only questioning. What will you ask? Even the online students can respond. So what question will you ask? The slide went back. You want me to bring the slide back? I'll bring you the slide back. Feelings, huh? What makes you to take this decision? Okay, that is still not a feeling, no? My answers, huh? Oh, you don't need my answers. We're just talking about what the question is. Oh, like that. Okay, then I will, but then you all should keep asking questions. Okay. Okay, so what is the first question? Who asks, you ask, no? What is the reason? To find a reason. I can't concentrate in class. I find it very hard to concentrate in class. But you should try your studying in Bible. No, no, no, only question. Don't give me advice that I want only questions now. Okay, where did you didn't try to overcome that? Why didn't I try to overcome that? Yes, yes. I asked my counseling teacher, she didn't help me at all. Or someone's asking, what has been happening in your life that you've come to this decision? Wonderful, nice question. Good. Someone asked that? Anthony asked that. How are you feeling the first day and how are you feeling now? Good questions, yeah. Good. Anything else about feeling? Yeah, but I can't. I'm trying my best to concentrate, but I just can't concentrate. I can't listen in class. Who you said that? What's happening between me and God? I've asked God to help me with my concentration, but I don't know what is going on. So maybe it's not God's will for me to be in Bible college. I wish I knew. So you're asking me what my distractions are? Okay, yeah. Good question. So I'm thinking about what's happening in my house. There are problems in my house, so I'm thinking about that, and I can't take that out of my mind. Do you think a living Bible college may help? That's a very good question, but I don't know. Right now, that's what I feel like doing. So I said that's what I feel like doing. So what do you ask? Huh? Good feeling. No, I said, I said, yeah, but then I said, what did I say? This is what I'm feeling. So I said, this is what I'm feeling. So what should you explore? So what will you ask? What do you feel about this decision? How are you feeling about this decision? How are you feeling about the decision? I say, I'm very unhappy about my decision, but I don't know what else to do because I'm only thinking about that. I failed in my first semester, I failed in my second year. I don't know what else to do. Are you sure that after going back home, you're able to solve the problems at home? Maybe not. You're right. I don't think I will be able to. So you see how it has generated some, it's helped you all to think about what, rather than asking unrelated questions, you shouldn't ask unrelated questions. You should see whenever you're doing, it should be like a, you know what a bead chain is, a chain that has beads. It should connect one to another. It should not be one bead like this, one bead like that, one like that, one like that. Then there's no connection. So you're having an all round connection to your questions. You said like leaving Bible college may not help. So do you have any other thoughts about it, what you can do? No, I just want to leave. Yeah, but good questions. Good questions. Like is it too much for you to concentrate in college, along with thinking other stuff? You got it. I find it very hard to concentrate with all that is happening in my house. Very, very hard. Ravali, you had something to say. You had put up your hand and then I saw it go. You have any question, Ravali? I mean, I had, but the conversation went a long way right now. Okay. What was your conversation? What was your question? No, when you all were discussing about how he decided and he doesn't want to change the mind. I mean, you decided he don't want to change the mind. I was thinking of asking like, how do you feel after coming to this decision that you want to leave college and go back home? Considering this lot happening at home as well. So what do you feel about it? Do you feel sad? Do you feel like, you know, what is your current feeling? I mean, after knowing what is happening, maybe as you said, the next question would be, I'm sorry, there's a lot of happening at your home. Do you want to talk about it? So we could just see if anything can be, you know, I could be a, I will be listening to you if I have something I can share with my experiences that I faced at home, you know, something like that. Very good. So if you look at, if what Ravalli is saying, that the manifestation of the problem is I want to leave the Bible college, but that's not the problem. The problem is there's something going on in the house and that's what's not helping me concentrate. So more than focusing on that I'm leaving Bible college, the focus is on what am I feeling and what can be done about home that will help me cope that. So that's perfect. That's good. Excellent. Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to talk about it? Yeah. Okay. So you got that, right? Okay. Wonderful. Good. Good. Lovely efforts. Okay. Let's move to, yes. No question. It may be not, it's not related to it, but I'm having this question like, can everybody can be a counselor? Because we have seen it needs a particular skills, communication skills and how you ask the questions. But most of the times not everybody was that much creative and capable to put question in a right way. So it's a skill-based ministry. It's something that requires a skill. Like just like, can we all be worship leaders? No. No, right? It needs some skill. Like you need to maybe play an instrument. You may need to sing well. I need some skill. We could all probably worship at small groups, but maybe so similarly. Yeah. It needs a skill. So that's something that you have to develop yourself on. Okay. Next one is unproductive questing. Unproductive questing, the first one is when you're picking at your counseling. What is the matter with you? Why do you always do that or why do you always say that? Why don't you ever listen to what I say? Okay. When you are, when you're picking, when will you change? What is the matter with you? Why can't you just stay in Bible college and just keep quiet? Next is will gatherer. Will gatherer is when you are, you don't know what to ask and you are picking from here and there and here and there. Like, do you have to share a room with your brother? Do you have a TV and a fridge? How do you come to Bible college? What do you wear to Bible college? Right? Which of your teachers do you like, which you don't like? These are all not specific to the problem. These are called will gatherers. Or do you think that this session is supportive for you? That question, sometimes it depends. This question can be helpful at some point of time. So will gatherers, that's what this is. Sorry, I think I... Yeah. Okay. So what are the characteristics of good questions? One, it should be instruments to open channels of communication. You're not there like an advocate or a lawyer asking why, how, what, when. Without, you know how lawyers are questioned? They have absolutely no emotion. They just want to know the details. That's it. You get into emotion, they're very uncomfortable. So don't be a lawyer while you're counseling. Okay. It is to open that communication. Characteristic of good questioning is when you are interspersing or you are introducing good responding skills, like active listening skills with questions is very, very important. So like when we were talking about, you know, the earlier situation we were talking about, you can say, oh, I, like, like Ravali said, I see that, you know, you're going through a very difficult time at home. Would you like to share that with me? So you are actively listening, actively responding, and then you're bringing about a question. Questions must follow on from a previous response. That's what I said, you know, like the chain. It has to, it should be one after it should make some sense and it must encourage them to build upon their last response. Okay. You can't, unless you feel satisfied with what their responses. So it should be, it should follow one after the other. And at the end of questioning to clarify a problem situation, clarify by summarizing. So once you finish questioning, you finish the whole thing by summarizing the entire information that followed. Okay. All right. What time are we at? Okay. We have 15 minutes. So let's look at a role play. Before going to the role play, I have a question if I can ask. Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah. So as we're talking about initially when we started conversation about how people answer, everything is fine and all is well. So excuse me, all is well when we ask them. So as a person from the other end, you kind of know there is something wrong with them. But if they say good, so if you're caring enough to know what it is, do we leave it there or maybe think that they'll come back when they need to share or is there a way that we could really extract some information from them? Yes, you can extract. You absolutely can extract. Okay. So let's look at a good one. Excellent question. Let's look at ways that you can extract. Did you follow what she said? So she said, when you're asking someone, how are you and they say fine or good. But you know that there must be something wrong or they're not good or they're not fine. How will you extract more information from them? What are some questions you can ask? Go ahead. Yeah, Prince. So when they said like fine, may I ask like, okay, can you explain it? Okay, what do you mean by that you're fine? Okay, could you explain more or? Okay, that's good. And they'll say, yeah, fine means fine, all good. Fine means fine only. Okay, so what would you ask? Okay, Ravali, you're the person. Everyone's going to ask you questions. Okay, go ahead. Okay. So what are the things that actually made you fine? How's your weekend? Yeah, all good. Church is good. Had great time with friends. Fine. All good. Had fun. So but I think if you are really fine, it won't just fit in towards. So do you think I cannot be fine? Are you saying that? Someone else, someone else pitch in. Take on from the last thing she said is, do you think I can't be fine because I said it in two words is what she said. Not because of two words. Are you? Fine means fine. Maybe. Yeah, you open up the mind. So one of them said, we will only know if you really open up is what one of them said. I'm like, you know, okay, fine. What do you think that I am hiding from you guys? Even I'm saying, you keep on asking me the same question. What is it? What are you seeing what I am not seeing? Because your feelings emotions are not looking like you're fine. Say that again because your feelings and emotions. Okay. So how do you say that a little better? What are you observing? Like she's so sad. So say that. But you look so sad, but you're saying you're fine. Okay, that's better. That doesn't match. Okay, so that's it. Yeah, I've been little hurt from work. So maybe that's showing on the face. Good. Excellent. Okay. Good. So what you're doing is you remember, we spoke about attending skills. And what are you doing? You, you have eyes to observe also. Right. And maybe when she said she's fine, I know you can't see her, but there's something that you've noticed. Like you can say, I've noticed you since yesterday or since day before or the last two, three weeks, you've been extremely quiet. You generally are very chirpy and you say hi to me. I didn't see you do that. And that's what made me feel things aren't okay. What do you say? Right. So you make an observation and make a comment. So did that, was that clear? Yes. Jean, another case because I have this experience with the friends. Okay. So if we are asking and they get irritated because we are asking the question like I did, like how I responded is how exactly I get a response from them. Okay. So it's like, yeah. Can you do that again? Can you do that again? Can you be a little irritated? And okay. Now for the students who are actually questioning. Remember, you're not trying to win a conversation. Don't think you're trying to win a conversation. Like you were saying, maybe, you know, you're not, you, you, you want the person to open up. Okay. So even when she's irritated, the general tendency for us is, let me get one more point and I will make her show that I'm also irritated. But that's not what you're trying to do. That's not what your intention should be. Okay. Like you could say, okay, let me see how you'll deal with it. Okay. Can you, can you go back and do the same thing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The thing is, Why do you think I'm, how many times are you asking me, asking me this? Yeah. How many times you're asking me and you know that if somebody's asking the same question again and again, and I won't like it. I think it's better we stop this conversation now and I'm fine. If I'm not fine, I would come and tell you, please don't come with this question anymore. Wow. Can you just repeat it once more? Okay. I'll do it. So she said, you've been asking me this question two, three times. Okay. And this is really irritating me. You know, if I'm fine, I'm fine. I don't like, I don't like this. If I'm fine, I'm fine. If I'm not, I'll tell you. So please stop asking me this. Let's stop this conversation right here. That's what she said. What do you say? Come on. Come out. Come out. Here, Francis is casting out spirit severe. You will irritate her more. So she said, is that can I say here itself you're showing that you are not fine? Yeah, because you're asking me the same thing again. Can't you understand once I told it? And why are you making it a big scene? Okay. What will you say? Now she's angry now. Now by not being fine, she's also angry. So what do you want to do? Can we have some time and talk? What did you say? What do you like to talk about instead of stopping this conversation? What do you like to talk about? There's nothing to talk about. We didn't talk about it. I'm saying there is nothing. I think at this point I would react in this way that maybe like, you know, I see you're irritated. I'm sorry I asked you a couple of times because I'm concerned about you. So okay, fine. I'll just take you as for your word. If something is there, you know where to find me. I'm always there to you. Is that okay? That response. Yeah, wonderful. So if you begin to see that a councillor is irritated with you, the first thing is acknowledge and say, hey, you know, I do see that what I said upset you. Right. I'm sorry about that. If you'd like to take some time off of not talking about this and perfectly okay. I did it out of my concern, but I'm sure I crossed my boundaries on that. Would you like to talk about it later or would I be perfectly okay if you'd like to stop. So, you know, you need to come to a place of acknowledging and saying you can stop, but then you have to end it to give it a good ending. Right. You can say, okay, she stopped talking. You don't have to give up. You don't have to give up. You can take some time and say, I'm sorry, you know, this irritated you. I'm sorry that I made it that way. Tell me what exactly irritated you. Because she was irritated and you didn't acknowledge her irritation. So two things, what you're doing is you're observing. You're saying, you know, you look upset. Would you like to talk? She said, no, I'm telling you, I'm fine. So then you can maybe push another time and saying, I asked you that because I did notice this, this, this. And then she said, no, I'm perfectly okay. So I said, all right, I respect that. Please know that I am available whenever you want. That's it. We can close that. We need to tell this. We can leave it, right? Yes, you can leave it. Yeah, we don't have to force them. You cannot force anyone to tell you anything. Yeah, you can. The main thing is not to win. It's not to win. You're not winning over. Okay. I finally got the information from you. That way. Yes. I'm saying not to win in the conversation is what I meant. They admit and that they never may come back. Correct. Yeah. So you don't push it further than what is required. If you definitely do see that she's irritated. So I'm really sorry. I acknowledge. We can leave it here. Or I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you. Like she said. Correct. You should make them comfortable enough to talk to you. Okay. All right. Okay. Good. Thanks. That was a good question. Okay. Shall we stop for a break? We just two more minutes. We'll come back and we'll do this. We'll stop for a break and we'll come back by 11.