 Hi, I'm Matthew Coast and welcome to How to Develop Your Magnetic Feminine Presence. Today I have a guest with me and her name is Lauren Sheehan and I am LaurenSheehan.com and Sheehan is spelled S-H-E-E-H-A-N. And I brought her on the show today because I wanted her to talk a little bit about how to help you develop your feminine presence and become more attractive to men and develop better relationships with them. She is an expert in the art of feminine presence so I'm really excited to have her here today. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. Awesome. Of course. And so first off, just to get started, what got you into helping women develop their feminine presence? What kind of drove you to be inspired to do that? Well, my initial inspiration was meeting, I was in a networking group, I was living in Fort Collins and I was kind of like a year out of college trying to figure out how to be, how to build my personal training business and I really felt it was difficult. Like I felt like I didn't, I knew how to go into a room and look like I was confident. But inside there were all these other things going on, like it just, I felt messy, I felt confused, I really didn't know what I was doing, but I needed to make money and I needed to figure out how to make something work and I met, in a networking group, I met Rachel Jane Gruver who is the creator of the art of feminine presence which is a body of work that is now like a million dollar brand at this point that trains women all over the world to do and teach that particular style of feminine embodiment work. And it was right when she had just, she literally it was the first class she started, she had also just moved and she just did a few exercises with us and did this talk about femininity and power and she said something like women don't really know how to be powerful and feminine at the same time and then she did these things like she, you know, like where we have to stand in front of each other and be in our womb space and like talk to each other and it was the first time I ever felt like a real sense of connection with someone that wasn't effortful or that wasn't trying to be something and so when she said she was doing a class on the art of feminine presence I kind of just was like I don't know exactly, I don't really know what this is but I want more of this and I was also like really struggling in my relationship, just struggling in a lot of areas of my own confidence who I was and how to be not just in my love relationships but in my relationships in the world. So I went to her class and the first five, the first five weeks of that class just drops me so deeply into a sense of my body that I hadn't been connected to in a really long time and it was like everything I needed at the time like I got this a supportive group of women to talk about stuff with and connection to my body and learning about my spirituality and all kinds of things and so it was really empowering and it was that impactful in my life at the time that I just wanted to, it wanted everyone else to know about it and I was moving from four clones to Austin so I so I basically yeah I basically went to Rachel Jane and I said I want like I can't live without this and I want to I want to be able to do it when I'm in Austin and that's when she started like developing a teacher training and we worked together and I went to Austin moved and started a community of women and started teaching and kind of broke free from like left the fitness realm and just went all into my inspiration and my my curiosity around this whole understanding what it is to be a woman thing cool so when you work with a woman in helping her develop her feminine presence how does it change her how does it improve her life what what does she start to notice when when she starts to do this what she starts to notice the first thing she starts to notice is that she finds a direct connection to her body in a way that she hasn't before in a direct connection to the soulful part of her body in a way that she hasn't before there's a sovereignty that comes from the work that I do that helps a woman understand how to basically digest and ingest all the information that she's been gathering her whole life trying to fix herself and all of that gets really backed up there's all kinds of repressed emotions and repressed feelings and all of that's in there and so the first thing that starts to happen is this clarity about how to actually get the clarity that you need for yourself on your own and the under it like a visceral understanding a tangible understanding of what it means to not need to look outside of yourself for the answers so there's it I call it sovereignty because there's so much information out there and there's especially when women get to a crisis point in their life where they actually start exploring their femininity as something that could be the fix to their problem they're usually searching so much like reading books and going to workshops and like listening to everyone else and like nothing's really working like they just keep working harder and getting more exhausted so instead of that it's like things can start to digest and actually move and clear and leave and they start to understand how to change how they're being from a being place and not an intellectual place okay so what what is this what does this look like what is feminine presence is it you know obviously it's kind of contrasted to masculine presence what what does that mean exactly that's a funny question because whenever I ask that question nowadays a part of me is like I don't know like I know but I don't know like it's something that can be explained but almost can't be explained and the way I like to especially when I like to explain it intellectually I first like to distinguish the difference between masculine and feminine and man and woman and feminine essence and masculine essence because when I'm speaking about feminine presence or when I'm speaking about essence I'm I'm personally separating it from gender and so there's for me feminine presence is like when a person has touched their essence their core essence that's whole that contains masculine and feminine and everything and they feel free within that and then they're like okay I'm in a woman's body and I'd like to you know and I like expressing myself as a woman the combination of that for me creates this beautiful feminine presence which is very much very magnetic versus like electric it's very deep and dark there's a lot of depth to it it's very there's much there's it's very earthy versus like masculine presence can be more more sky-oriented more like spirit oriented feminine presence there's a little bit of a mystery to it and it's like just like men can have like many men have like beautiful feminine presence so for me like a feminine presence is like a gender woman who has touched like the truth of what essence is and that she can be masculine and feminine and light and dark and beautiful and ugly and wild and tame like she's touched all of those dualities and that is flowing it through her body and then in a woman's body it looks it looks and feels like vitality and freedom and juiciness and it gets expressed I have a little bit of a runny nose it gets expressed in women in all kinds of different ways because we're all so unique and we all have such unique frequency and vibration of how we express ourselves as women so it's like it's hard the reason it's hard for me to even answer this question is because I hesitate to want to give women like a particular set of lists about what it looks like because I believe that the real feminine presence is something you cannot learn from anyone it's all an inward journey that you have to discover and it's all of these parts of yourself that you've never experienced before and it's way too easy to look at like at first we started admiring how other women are which is great and then we start cut sort of being like them which is helps us learn and then there is kind of a point where we have to like really find out who we are because we will never be like real magnetic feminine women free women in the world if we are just becoming a carbon copy of like Marie Forleo or Danielle LaPorte or like whoever it is they're like Oprah or whoever it is that we're idolizing or even like you know goddesses whatever even archetypes okay so why do you think a lot of women that that was beautiful by the way what why do you think a lot of women are kind of lost touch with themselves or never really had that connection to themselves why is this even necessary well what's really happening is on the planet right now and in our culture we have very little example of what it looks like to be in what I would call a true Yin energy or true feminine power and on the same way we have very little example of what it looks like to be in true masculine or true young energy we have a world we've grown up in a world that is so full of convoluted power dynamics and manipulation that we've all learned and seen really interesting examples of how women are how men are how power is used and wielded and based on our experiences growing up we make decisions and we create stories that where where we say you know we're like okay well being a woman it means doing this or giving my self to this to this thing means that I am weak or like being powerful means that I'm vulnerable to attack like all the things that we start to create in our mind so from a very early age like we get very disconnected from our innate like prenatal sexual acids that's that like vibrant source energy that really we can stay connected to our for our whole lives we start to get like disconnected from from that based on the example of our parents based on the wounds and the hurts that we had growing up and then we make a decision basically about who we are and who are not and a lot of because of that a lot of women have made a decision that it's not safe to be a powerful woman that it's not we're not gonna get what we want if we're in that sort of power that other women aren't gonna like us that men are going to attack us that men are not actually gonna want to marry us because they're gonna be afraid of us like we create all of those stories and then we without knowing it we we've totally pushed away part of the beauty so much of the beauty of who we are and so what really the other piece of it is that most women like when I work with women the work isn't really about femininity like it is but it's really about it starts with looking at our relationship to men and the masculine and structure and backbone and spirit because what I have found is that our feminine is very intact like the feminine energy is is like this very intact very accessible whole place women know it if they're listening to it they'll know it because we're always even if we forget we're always connected to some sense of like everything's gonna be fine like we're connected to this vast sense of ourselves but the problem is we don't actually have the bandwidth within ourselves and then usually within the rest of our world to support the fullness of that and without that support we absolutely cannot like blossom open so it's literally like being it's literally like we're we're we're seeds that have been planted in soil that lacks the correct nutrients to fully like open and so it feels like there's this disconnect but it's not necessarily that there's a disconnect it's that the the conditions and the conditions might not be quite right and the structure and the backbone to really support the feminine coming out into fullness isn't there and so then women start getting exhausted you know it's like if we look at history we can look at the whole movement from World War two up until now and we can start to see like sort of the disintegration of where women kind of forgot who they were like in this quest to become equals with men we started becoming adversaries with men and adversaries with ourselves and we forgot some very priceless things some very like very amazing things about who we are as women and what what our presence does in the world basically because we're afraid of our own power because we we're we're afraid of having power because we want love we want connection we're afraid of losing it and we'll basically do anything to not lose connection or to not lose the protection of the providing that's happening yeah that's absolutely true and and I see that a lot in our community at least I have a lot of women who contact me and and I'll see them writing on some of our some our social media pages saying things like you know they've developed themselves and they're strong and they're independent and they've been working hard and and it's like they've they figured this one area out of their life and and they feel this enormous lack because they're having a hard time connecting and generally I usually hear the phrase I intimidate men you know I'm men don't like strong independent women what do you think about that I think that's bullshit I think that men men love strong independent women but what we have called strong independent women has basically become women who are so afraid of their own power they're trying to do everything in their lives themselves and become like something that they think is worthy enough to be loved and then like there's so many walls up around them that no one can get in and it's torturous for a man to to be around that not because he can't handle it but because there's there's very little options for a man in that space when a woman has that there's very little space for him to actually be who he is and to be a man and the only options are basically to either become like a weakened like easily manipulatable man boy who at first seems like cool but then for like all this for whatever reason like three months into the relationship you can't figure out why all of a sudden like you don't like him anymore and he's not doing the things that you want him to do and he's turning into this like shrill that whatever or or if he's got if he's got any if he's like at a different stage in his growth then he's just not going to tolerate it because he's not going to tolerate being competed with or being constantly needed to mean to have like a woman prove herself to him and then it's like so underneath the surface that that's happening in that pattern that women can't see it and so the excuse is just women men don't like strong independent women I guess on some level like yeah maybe they don't like strong independent women because maybe not all men can like explain what's happening but they can feel you know they can feel it and the sad part is that so many women are in that state of being that most men have just given up and like will shrink and and mold to what it takes to be with a woman like that okay so let's dive a little bit deeper into that so let's say that a woman's out with a guy that that she really likes and she wants to allow him to step a little bit more into his masculinity and respect who is as a man a little bit more what what are some things that she could do in order to facilitate that well the first thing is to drop the idea that she can facilitate anything from him in the first place and to check herself like any I think the other first thing is if you find yourself saying like he's not being masculine enough how can I like he needs to do something different I would say I would say that we as women need to do something different and men have more capacity to be responsive and change and grow than women give them credit for and then and men themselves give themselves credit for so the first thing like if you're not feeling like you're getting the kind of presence that you want from a man or you're getting the kind of masculinity that you want from a man first of all know that like you might actually you probably have no idea what real masculinity and like when I say a real like I mean a man who really understands the true nature of that of that kind of power you probably don't even know what that looks like and if you are the strong independent woman type it 90 99% I can be 99% sure that you're terrified of real of like real masculine energy because it's going to challenge everything that you are so secondly we really need to like see men so it's kind of like take a step back and before you even try to do anything that intentionally empowers a man you have to learn to see who men are clearly because until until we can see who men are clearly and we can really heal our relationship with the masculine and men and our fathers most of our attempts to intentionally empower men are going to feel like manipulation and demands to them and our end up causing a lot more suffering for everyone involved so in order to see men clearly you have to step out of your own self and into a paradigm where you challenge and question every belief that you have about men and how they are and who they should be and how they should be and every expectation that you have about how they should be showing up and actually find out how they show up naturally in your presence does that make sense yeah yeah absolutely and just one thing that I'd like to add is that so I used to be and if you're listening to this you probably know a little bit about my background however I used to be a men's dating coach back in the day and one of the one of the big things we used to talk about is just what what we want and women and you know we did all kinds of different exercises around that and and a lot of the men that I talked to wanted women who were strong and independent at the very at the very least and you know some of them every once in a while we'd I'd run into a guy that maybe didn't like it that didn't like a woman that that was independent however most of them either liked it or they just didn't care one way or the other and one of the things that I found was one of the big problems that a lot of guys and women for that matter were running into is this thing where a woman wants to kind of she looks at it like she's supporting the man and his growth and his development as as a human being however a lot of times a man sees it as almost like this nagging type thing and and really what that means to a man is is that he feels like you don't accept him for who he is and you want to change him and you want to change what's going on with him which isn't necessarily a bad thing to him it just feels bad to him in the moment and so that that's a big a big thing to kind of watch out for and so kind of going off of that note you know you're talking about women not really being experiencing some someone who's truly masculine a big complaint that I get from a lot of women in our community is that they're they don't think that there's really any good men out there that that all the good men are either taken or or they don't exist in the first place what do you think about that well it's a nice belief to have if you want to not couldn't like continue to perpetuate not having any good men in the world you know like again I'll use an example last night I was at salsa dance and I love salsa dancing because it is a great petri dish for experiencing men and the qualities of different men they all lead so differently and it's really easy to go into salsa as a follower and have a terrible night and say there were no good male there were no good leads again a horrible night there were no good leads like it's a it's that that's the man's fault leaders fall because none of the good men know the good dancers were here that's one way to look at it the other way to look at it is I'm gonna have make every man in this room the best salsa lead they've ever been in their life and I'm gonna have a great time and that's I will admittedly say that I'm not always in that space like I definitely have my days and I definitely go to dance and have my days where I'm like there wasn't any good like leaders today but last time in particular was a really great example for me where I just really stood in that energy and every every guy that asked me to dance was like was mostly like above caliber like to my liking in terms of the caliber of their musicality their movement but if they weren't as much like there was still something so fun about dancing with them and I had I just kept having like better and better time and so it was like my ability to have fun my ability to have men show up for me wasn't dependent on how many good men or not there were in the room it was completely dependent on me and how I was being and so that's one thing I would say is if you are saying like well there's just not any good men in the world how men are is a direct reflection on how we're showing up as women around us like men are generally you know I can't say anything for like the terrible horrible violent things that happen that like men attacking women like that's a whole different story but on a in a different perspective how men are around you like if you are in living in a world where all the men around you are not treating you well or they're just not paying attention to you but they're not giving to you they're not like interested in you that's a really good sign that you're not a safe like you're not even a safe space for men to show up how they would naturally want to show up so my thing is it's all you really like there's so much more responsibility in us as women for how men are showing up around us then we actually want to give credit for it and it's only when you start to be a different kind of woman and understand men really understand men understand how they operate understand how they're different and then also understand yourself you can start to actually change how you're being because yeah it's like men don't like like I said most men are have learned to like tolerate living in a world where women are constantly judging them and making them wrong and making it their fault and cutting off their balls before they've even said anything so men have learned to tolerate it and so it's like if you are seeing a lot of not good men like you're seeing all these disempowered men they're not as empowered like that's really I feel like I'm on this starting to be on this mission of like it's on us like it's on us as women to start to become the women that actually allow men to shift into this place cool so with that idea and the whole idea of responsibility and and I know that initially it can seem like kind of an intimidating idea of of taking that responsibility on and saying oh you know I have this influence or this power however one of the things that I found for myself in taking responsibility for the relationships and the experiences that I have in my own life is that while it can be scary at times taking on that much responsibility it's also extremely freeing it's extremely it opens up a whole new world that's that's really worth it and so just kind of going off of that note what can a woman do if she wants to change into that woman that that that magnetic woman that amazing woman that that woman that has that type of beingness that's that's attractive to men what what are some specific things that she could do in order to create that so there are the transformation into being that kind of woman comes from all levels of expression so before I want to share like a few key tools that I want to share sort of the spectrum of where women need to look to unlock all of these parts of themselves because it has to they're all connected but there's different ways in which we need to work with our physical body with our voice with our emotional range with our shadow and with our energy and specifically with our our sexuality and our sexual the way that we wield our sexual power the way that we relate to our sexuality so one of the biggest the first things I would take any woman to is to a place I call home in the body and so the first place is to give yourself a physical tangible anchor point that connects your body to your to that intangible nectar perinatal sexual essence that's really I believe is is the instruction booklet to our destiny it's contains our desire when we're connected to that place we start to be able to live life from a much more guided effortless surrender place where we're listening to our desire and we're more in tune with divine timing and we're not pushing so hard to make things happen so we can this is not something that's exclusive to women because men also have this place so there's many ways that I like to guide women to womb space and in in Taoist practice and in in Chinese medicine it's there's an energetic kind of well there called lower Dantian and it's literally a well that stores energy in our body and it stores our perinatal energy either it can get stagnant in there or it can either move through our body to get refined and so this is the like vital first step because so many women are so exhausted and getting adrenal fatigue and getting autoimmune disorders really because we're so disconnected from this sexual energy this is like where our raw power comes from this is where we really get actual fuel from it's like this is where we can back our decisions and actions with something that's real something that we have actual desire around versus forcing ourselves to do things we don't want to do so if you would like to close your eyes with me the simplest way to do this is to bring your left hand to your lower belly so much light in this room so I like to bring my left hand to about two inches below my belly button and then I put my right hand on top and then I close my eyes I feel my feet on the ground and I breathe all the way down into my pelvis if you're sitting this is really nice because you can guide your breath all the way down to the pushes all the way down to the base of your pelvis your pelvic floor your yoni muscles the labia and just take a few moments to literally breathe all the way down like most of us who have not connected into this place aren't breathing very well let alone breathing all the way down to the base of our body which is another reason why we end up feeling disconnected and not home because the the yoni and the pelvic floor muscles and the pelvic floor bones and even the anus like all of those parts of our body when they have proper attention given to them and proper care make our our human physical form feel so at home and so cared for and so loved so the next thing I want you to do is imagine a golden light in the center of your pelvis about two inches inside your pelvis and two inches down there's a something called the pearl in Taoist tradition that the pearl is like this dense ball of energy and we I like to have that visual it's like that is like this you know the densest part of me and we want to call up that the energy in that pearl and I like to take my hands and make circles around my belly throw a belly button and what I like to do is use my hands to communicate to my body unconditional presence unconditional love like unconditional love says I'm here and I'm not going anywhere and I'm listening and you can you don't have to be anything here like anything is okay whatever you have to say is fine and the combination of attention in the room space in the dot-tn the hands on the body like learning to use your hands to communicate unconditional presence and then the stirring up of this energy really starts to drop your energy down from your intellectual analyzing mind like down into your pelvis and it starts to stir up that teamly warm the teamly warm vibration of that core essence and it's a very nourishing is so nourishing and a lot of times with women it just takes like a minute of doing that and it's like they feel they go from feeling crazy and frantic to just calm and at home in their bodies and so that's number one because there's so many layers of what it does but I think especially for us women like we really need that physical connection to that spiritual essence for it to really start to make sense because I mean what it presents is about bringing that essence through our body so that's the first thing we want to do because in my work and in feminine presence work that I do it's really about consistently reconnecting back to that energy and learning how to how to have it move and flow all through your body so that literally like for me that's literally the most important thing in my world it's like it's taken me years to really figure it out and commit to it but it's like I have depending on the day I'll spend two or three hours in my morning practice doing Qigong forms or yoga or movement or breath work or whatever we're taking baths like whatever it is that I do to reconnect me back to that energy and get all of the like false efforting feminine power whatever crap out of my body like getting all the tension out of my shoulders and that's like for me that's that is the most important thing because it's like I want to show up with that energy it doesn't matter like if I'm gonna I can sit around all day and say like I teach feminine presence but if I show up on this interview and I'm like frantic and stressed out and like whatever it's like it doesn't make any sense it's like who I'm being and the energy that's flowing through my body is the most important thing to me yeah you know I was I was actually just doing that exercise along with you and I even feel extremely grounded from from doing that so just kind of continuing off of that if someone joined your or got mentored by you what would they experience what could they expect from their their sessions with you for me mentoring my mentoring process is very personal and very intimate and I've been developing the way that I work with women for the last especially two years doing working with women for the last seven the last two years I've really been honing in on how I work with people one-on-one and it's becoming very clear to me that what women are really getting out of working with me is a very clear and direct transmission of being in this state of being feminine presence or really connecting to what it is to have your sexuality and your sexual essence be a sacred thing and a spiritual thing in a pure way and the value that they get is the way they're like we work one-on-one together so intimately that they just get such focused attention that things just start to click and make sense and move for them really quickly and they feel very very supported I would say most everyone who comes to me is feeling extremely unsupported and that's a very common thing from the strong independent woman type and what we do it's a process I'm like fondly calling taking off your armor and every we all have kind of this really masterful intricate maze of like armor that we put on ourselves whether it's physical with our voice like we all have it's like a different maze or a different map and so as we work together we start to really look at where the armor is and understand how to take it off like mentally how to take it off physically and emotionally and you get like a guy like I'm kind of like a sherpa like a femininity sherpa or something like you just get a guide that can help you see the perspectives that you need to see so that you can shift through the layers in a much less painful way and that's not to say that there's not a motion and there's not like pain and stuff that comes up and if that is worked through as things start to get healed but things can move much more quickly and you can start to really understand your network of relationships and what's working what's not working how to actually pay attention to the energy that you're giving off versus just the words you're saying so you actually through the process like it is a coming into your power it's a coming into your true power and what does that actually mean in a way that's not manipulative in a way that's not needing to walk all over everyone else or put yourself under everyone else and and then you do get like everyone every every time I meet with a client like we start with a big meditation and I go through the things that I do around connected to the body like we do a press massage and we massage our kidneys and there's a lot more depth beyond just the belly circles that I take women through and so step by step it's like I we help you create habits in your world to start to shift into this way of being instead of just doing all the time cool so I just want to thank you for being on this interview with me today it's been an honor and it's been really interesting and informative and if somebody wanted to find out more about you find out more about your products find out more about what you have going on where should they go they can go to I am Lauren she here.com again Lauren la u r e n s h e e h a n and there you can find information to connect with me about if you want to work with me privately I do have an online course that anyone can buy it's called magnetic feminine presence that's a really easy way to go through a learning process there's three different modules and there's 21 video lessons all around feminine presence and emotions and creativity and stepping into your power that's really really simple way and yeah the other way is just if you're interested in working with me one-on-one you can go to my website and schedule a new client interview session or you can email me at Lauren at I am Lauren she here.com I work with a small number of women at a time because I really like to give a lot of my attention so I just really want anyone who's interest people who are interested I just give you an experience of what it is that I do and then we talk about how it works to work with me which starts with an eight week period of time and then we just go from there. Awesome well thanks again for being on this interview with me and for everyone watching I will speak with you again soon. Awesome thank you for having me.