 Okay, welcome back to our next class. We've just completed in our last class, we just looked at two portions of challenges in marriage and also how we can move forward by releasing the past. We're going to get into our next section, something I love which is about parenting. Okay, sections on parenting. So, just want to know, just have a raise of hands of how many parents we have on this group. We have one, two, three, four, five, six, just six parents on the group, seven. Yes, Tarun, you are, you qualify as one. Okay, so seven parents on the group. Okay, all right. Okay, so that's good. Yeah, great. Thank you. All right. So, at the current section that we are going to be looking at, we have two specific chapters. We are going to the first part, which we will be doing part of it today and then also next week is certain insights and biblical insights on parenting. And followed by that, we will be looking at certain practical ways of how we nurture children. Okay, and also we look at one specific chapter on when children become adults. Okay, there is a lot about parenting that we can learn. However, this is just a really short and sweet package that we can give, but there is so much that we can look into. We have a couple of sermons on parenting also. And if you could look back at the APC's sermon list, you will find a few that's there on parenting challenges and the roles of a father, mother, and issues with parenting. There are a few that's there. But of course, there's so much of extensive learning and understanding about it. But today, what we are really going to look at is a few insights into parenting and how as a couple working into marriage, we need to be prepared just like how you get prepared in living together with a spouse, also knowing how to parent and how to nurture children in itself. Okay, so this is just going to be laying a foundation for the role as parents. So even if there may be many of you who aren't parents yet, or who are waiting on God to be parents, we encourage you to not switch off, but to go through these chapters and be prepared well in advance for what may be imminent for you. So as we had learned, when we look back at the first chapter, we saw the way God designed marriage. God was the one who instituted marriage. He was the one who solemnized marriage. So we are safe to assume that all the things or everything that happens from that institution is also that which is appointed by God, which is divinely appointed by God, so also parenting. And this is in line with scripture. When we read Malachi chapter 2 verse 15, I'm sorry, you can follow with me on page 155. Yes, you can follow with me on page 155. Okay, so if you look into scripture in Malachi chapter 2 verse 15, it says, didn't God make you one body and spirit with her? What was his purpose in this? It was that you should have children who are truly God's people, so make sure that none of you breaks his promise to his wife. So we see that one of God's many purposes in marriage, in uniting a husband and a wife together, is so that there comes godly children out of it and thereby godly generations that continue the work of God and expand the kingdom of God. So God, it was in God's desire that when he brings a man and a woman together, it is also to bring about godly offspring. So this was always in God's mind. Parenthood was always in God's mind. So as a couple getting ready to live forward in life, to be able to embrace the call of being a parent. It is a responsibility. It is a ministry, because we're saying that it's a divine calling. We also see it as something God has ordained and thus it's a ministry, something that God planned and God planned a place where the parents partner with God in carrying out the purposes that he has for the family or for that generation. So parenting is something that you embrace because it's a calling, it's a ministry, it's an appointing by God to raise up those godly offspring, those godly children. So it is something that God opens out to his children to partner with him so that his purposes can be fulfilled. So each of us who are here as parents are privileged because we have been called for a ministry. And no matter what the age of your child is, whether they are a little infant, whether there are school going, whether they're teens, whether they're adults, whether they've left, there is a call that we partner with God. Probably after a point of time, your direct influence and impact may be much lesser. Maybe as your children become adults and they leave, your direct impact may be lesser, nevertheless. You are still called to be that parent who, as I get into my next point, represents the Heavenly Father. So when we look into scripture, we see that from Ephesians 3, 14 to 15, it says, For this reason I fall on my knees before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth receives its true name. So we see that the origin of every family is God the Heavenly Father. So God being the Heavenly Father has a large family and all of us are part of his family. So there is a part of his family here on earth and there is his part of his family in heaven. And all of us receive everything from him. For example, those of us who have children, they carry your name, they carry your identity, they carry your culture, your language, everything. They carry your inheritance. So whatever is mine belongs to my children. Whoever I am, they are also a part of. So in the same way, our God, our Heavenly Father, from him comes, he is the origin of everything that we receive we have. So our name, our identity, our being, our security, everything comes from God. All flows from God who is the Father to every one of us. So as we look up to God our Father, we are also called to represent him to our children. Now when we look at the children, scripture says Psalm 127.3, they are a heritage from the Lord. They are an inheritance from the Lord. Which means that our children belongs to God but they have been given to us and we are their stewards. Which means they are a gift but they are not your possession. You are not the one who owns them. The first time I heard this, you know, that our children are not our possession, it made me think. Because, you know, especially at this point of time, kids are teens. I have a 16-year-old son and I have a 12-year-old daughter. And for those of us who are parenting teens, completely understand what goes, you know, the worry sometimes that we may have in the things they do, the things they watch, the things they engage in, the purposes they have, everything becomes like a question because now they are blooming to be individuals on their own, having an identity, an earthly identity of their own, okay? And very often when we look at, when I speak for myself, when I look at them as a parent, I sometimes see, Lord, how far away are they in their identity of you? How far they are away of you? And this one line has always given me a sense of solace, that my children are not my own. They are not my possession. They have been given to me by God. So, which means that God is the one who's made them, framed them, knit them in my womb, created them for purposes. And I am here as a caretaker. And whenever a caretaker has trouble managing what's been entrusted to them, they always go back to the Master. They go back to the Master and say, Master, you've given me this, but I'm having trouble with this. And the Master always has a good answer, has a perfect solution. So as a caretaker, I can run to my God, I can run to my Father and ask and seek that help. So that, this is just outside, but just telling you that, you know, that very sentence in itself gives me such freedom to know that they are not my possession. They're gifted to me. They are, although yes, I am a caretaker, I need to steward them well. I don't have to take the burden of knowing everything because God in His wisdom will help me to find things. He will give me those answers at the right time. Okay? Yeah, so this is just out of it, just maybe a sharing. So as a parent, we are called to represent the Father to our children. So we are in the place of the attitudes that God, attitudes, the nature of God. We are representing all of who God is to our children. Now that seems like a huge responsibility because as parents, you and I know how imperfect we are, how many mistakes we make on a day-to-day basis. And a lot of times we do know that we, sometimes we have not been learnt from those mistakes, but we are still in the process, God is still working on us as parents on the way that we show out God to them. So through this, one of the underlying factors or underlying foundations that we need to know is that in my waking, in my sleeping, in my eating, in my reading, in my daily living, I am showcasing God to them. So that is what our, this should be that desire, our goal, that our children will see God in all that we do. So that's the aim of parenting, that we will model, showcase the heavenly Father to our children. Not just in the way that we speak, but in the way that we do things, the way that we are, the way that we conduct ourselves, even when we think that they are not watching us, because our children begin to get the picture of who God is by looking at us. So I keep telling my father, my father is a, he's 84 now, more like a child, but in his prime years, my father was very protective of his children. So we are two girls and he was, he was, not that he isn't right now, he's too old, but in his, you know, in the prime of his parenting, he was very protective of his girls. And there was nothing that he wouldn't know. There was nothing that, you know, he just felt, he was like, he almost like had his big arms around his girls, not ensuring that no harm, no, you know, nothing goes wrong with them. And because of the way that my dad was, it has, I see God as a father like that. You know, I'm able to see a bigger glimpse of who God is because of what my father exhibited. And I think even as I'm saying this, there may be many of us here who've not had a good representative of a father, of an earthly father, okay? But that does not minimize or negate or take away the truth of the fact of who God the father really is and who, who in actuality is. But for us as parents, who are in this generation parenting our children to know that the picture of God comes from our own parents. And for us to do everything we can by the power of God, by the work of the Holy Spirit and by the wisdom that we have to be able to represent God the father as he truly is. And what does that mean? That can mean very many things, right? It can mean the love that we show the discipline that we give, the security that we give to our children, all of that. So there are many things. And I want to bring you back to a scripture which is Ephesians 3.17 to 19. I'm on page 156 with someone who's not read a scripture up until now, just un-Newton read, Ephesians 3.17 to 19. Yes, could somebody read? Okay, maybe because I said someone who hasn't. Abhishek, would you like to read Abhishek? Abhishek or Nisha or Sheik? Yes, go ahead. Go ahead Abhishek. Ephesians 3.17 to 19. Okay. Okay. That Christ may dwell in your heart through faith that you being rooted and grounded in love may be able to comprehend with all the sin what is the white length and depth and height to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Thank you. Thank you Abhishek. So you know in this scripture it shows you of the biggest way you can represent the love of God is by understanding what God's love is. And you see the dimensions of God's love. It talks about love through the breadth, the length, the height and the depth. So it's in all dimensions, the breadth, the length, the height and the depth. So in all of its dimensions it is something that is incomparable. A love that cannot be measured. A love that has no limits. A love that has no conditions. A love that has no bounds. It's boundless. And it is with that kind of love that the Father loves us. And it is the same kind of love that we are called to love our children. Loving our children does not come because of what they do or of who they are or of what they achieve or of what they perform or how they behave or how they look as against the world's standards. But loving them comes because we love them because of who they are, of the people they are. It does not come at certain times. It comes at all times. Keeping away times of difficulty or times when they have been bad or when they have disappointed us. We love them regardless of what they have done or how they have behaved. We continue to believe in them. We continue to forgive them. We continue thinking about the best, desiring for the best, knowing that everything we do comes because of this unconditional love. So we love our children because of the way God loves us. And that's how one of the biggest ways that we represent God, is to love our children. Okay? The next, I think there was a question. Yes, yes, Christopher. Go ahead. I think you have a question. Yes. So I want you to just indicate weird that the symptoms is level of disconnect or we know that we are aware and I think our children also aware that we have flaws and we show that sometimes in moments of weakness. So across the flaws that get reminded to our parents that we were flawed in the past and because of the generation gap or because of the passing of time they can always come back and point out to us that we have been flawed and therefore they in a sense take that as a way of indicating that they can also be flawed. So that is one part of it. The other part of it is that we are also striving to represent God and some of these ways of doing it is we are trying to demonstrate maybe a Godly love which is extremely difficult and what I see is even the feedback I get sometimes for my, I have a son is that we are trying to do things which are sometimes very difficult to do and and they see that they see that we are trying but they also see that we are flawed and this creates that level of inconsistency which I think sometimes there is maturity and shown by my son for example who says okay the humanness of being a father is he recognizes that he gives me credit for that but still being able to achieve these things which one is which is like in some ways not achievable and then being able to also show that there is fiction in myself as a father and as a person there is that there is that disconnect over there so just you are beautiful you are that right so Christopher we so you are right for the fact that we as human parents are not perfect we are flawed there are many mistakes we continue making something many things that our children also see but I think the beauty of it lies when we as parents can go back to our children and come to a place of helping them see that we have messed up and we do need the grace of God to help us even in simple things so I am going to take back an example so something when I was when my kids were younger there were certain ways that I liked things to be done so much so that it probably can lead a child to feel very frustrated and so however in my mind I thought of it as maybe a discipline or a way that children should a certain structure that the children need to have certain ethics they need maybe manners and ethics that they need to have but so much so that I lost the mark from being compassionate gentle understanding to being probably like a strong disciplinarian and the way that it came out was maybe too strong for them to really see that there was grace in that entire situation but as I grew up as my children began to voice their displeasure I began to they opened my eyes to see that was not perfect that was an error that was wrong but I think that's where we as a parent needs to have the humility and the grace to go back and seek forgiveness from our children asking them for forgiveness for maybe the way that we have treated them maybe out of our we thought our understanding was right because we were older and we were parents but through experience or through a conviction through what God has opened up to us or maybe through what they have said we come to a place of seeking forgiveness and that's when our children begin to see that it's not about being perfect it's about being right in the eyes of God that you have, you come to a place of learning from your mistakes and coming to them and seeking that apology I think there's a lot of power in that because parents who are able to come to their children and seek an apology or seek forgiveness for something that may have been harmful and also committing to working on those areas thereafter shows their commitment to God shows their commitment to God and I think that builds that connect you were talking about a disconnect that happens but they begin to build that connect that even as a parent they require, we require just as much of grace and mercy from God to do this job and that I think becomes very powerful in the mind and in the life of a child so even if it may be so that there could be times you know a lot of us parents have seen this that in our times of frustration we could probably be impolite or disrespectful to the children and so whenever I come back to my senses I go back and I apologize to them I said I'm sorry for the way that I behaved not justified not right I've got to be more careful please forgive me and would you help me with this would you catch me the next time I may be going there you know we have a kind of a chord or something that we do that they remind me about what I've done wrong or what I may be getting into so that I think helps because we cannot be truth be told you and I are not perfect we will make mistakes we are we are in places where we can flaw over and over again because we are human but we know that when we do seek forgiveness we come back and truly repent not just to our children but to God the grace and the relationship is restored over there I hope I answered your question Christopher okay so we will even as we have spoken about unconditional love the other foundational thing as we parent to understand is that we are role models parents serve as role models to our children you know the parents serve as role models not just in their direct interactions with their children but through the examples we set with our attitude and behavior not just in the family but also in the outside world what is a role model a role model is someone who is looked up it's someone who is seen as an example as someone who needs to be followed who's taken after you know that as your children grow they may have a lot of role models as they grow up right it could be cartoon figures it could be movie stars it could be depending on what their interests and likes are you will find that right but you as a parent serves as the greatest role model because and how does that happen it's often through your own the way that your own personality your own character the attitudes you have the achievements you've done the vocation you hold the mannerisms you have all of this influence your child it influences their behavior it affects their own attitudes it may it may motivate them into some form of an action so the role model plays a role where you know the person who is looking up to them even without a direct involvement a lot of these things are emulated when it comes for children we see that parents become the very first role model and as children are smaller you will find that they take a lot of pride in what their parents do or their parents say or the parents are you see you know especially your 7-8 year olds bragging about their parents my dad did this or my dad has a car like this or he goes to this kind of an office or my mom does this so they depending on the relationship they do want to become like their parents and when we have an understanding like that we see that that is a privilege for us that puts us in a privileged place because by default children start to look at parents right from the beginning and also you know not just looking at the parents but then on a regular basis because of the kind of influence and impact we have on them daily, ongoing over a period of time the opportunities far, far greater okay so when we as parents lead lives that are examples we make it much easier for the children so as a role model two ways it can go we can either build become a strong role model or we can tend to lose that position and have no influence or impact on their lives so how do we become role models how do children look at us inherently so something that my daughter is 12 and she has an uncanny resemblance with me so we actually look so alike and so because people keep telling her that one thing I want to be different is to not become a counselor like you but I want to have other things like you do that you have okay so how do you now it's not that I have influenced any of this but just I think through probably things that she has seen she has observed there are something she's picked up something she's decided that she doesn't want nevertheless we continue to become those influences by the way that we interact with our children the attitudes that we show them the way that we probably behave with people in the home people outside the home the kind of language that we use the kind of mannerisms that we show we begin to model things for our children on the kind of people that they may become so the greater influence that we can throw the better it is so influence is not just through instructions it's not just through what we say so you know it's you know it's not taught it is caught so more more than what we teach it's more than what we are or how we live out that they pick up things so who we are and what we do is definitely more stronger and more powerful than what we can say okay children begins to match up with the things that we say and the things that we do and they will begin to see the discrepancy between that maybe I'm saying something but I'm doing something else that really brings about an impact and says okay is this person matching up are they congruent to what they're doing and that really settles for them so it gets easier for them to emulate us and to be influenced by us when we not just represent God the Father but we are also doing things or whatever we say we are also doing so being careful about that so as parents we are our children's first teachers and they are like these sponges that absorb everything that we do which means they just don't absorb only the good they also absorb the bad there are many things that they learn from us whether it be the way that we work the principles that we use the values that we hold the skills that we portray the way that we deal with elders the way that we deal with neighbors the way that we talk about people behind their backs the kind of attitudes we are holding towards people, towards things the way that we interact with maybe those who we don't see likely as favorable all of that they pick up each and everything they also look at the way that we may be resolving conflicts how do we handle stress how do we handle difficulties what is our faith walk like so all of this gets emulated the way that we may portray life or the way that we talk about God the way that we you know let's say in a situation where you need to make a decision how do you come across a decision you know is at a time where you seek the Lord in prayer you impulsively take a decision all of these responses will definitely determine the way the impact that comes on our children so the way that we focus on life the way that we live our life is so important because that's what we are modeling you know there is the saying that says there are always those pairs of eyes that are watching you whatever you are doing they are watching you and they begin to develop many things about life about people about us about about God through the way that we do so we also need to be careful you know as we as we continue to parent that we do not make mistakes that we've made or make the mistakes that probably our parents have made as they have brought us up there are many things that we continue to need to unlearn and I say this you know when I take these parenting workshops every day I may need to unlearn something from what I've done with my children because you know each day I begin to see that there is some trait within me that can be God like that can be more Christ like okay so be in a place of unlearning not in a place of knowing that you know as a parent you don't know at all and seeing for yourself that God can change that for you he can mold that for you when we consciously go to God and ask that we are pleasing in his eyes so that we can be pleasing in the eyes of our children so being that role model is something that we continue to work on no matter where we are whether we are the parent of a little baby parent of a school year old school going child a parent of a teenage a parent of a young adult wherever we are let's remember that we are still in that place where they are watching those two eyes are watching okay alright so we through this we've just started building on those foundations of taking on our role as parents taking it as a ministry being able to represent the father by showing out his unconditional love and being that role model okay so we will wind up here for today next week we will look a little bit more into detail of of children of what our children and how does God see them and what are some of the way that we can we can even disciplinary methods what are things that we can use and we can godly principles that we can use to help our children in the way of the Lord okay any questions we have around three or four minutes for any questions if you'd like to ask yes Shay go ahead Shay oh I okay there was another question by Louis and okay Shay till you unmute I'm going to take up yes Shay go ahead go ahead I just wanted to just kind of butchers what you said from Ikota I saw it says that a father is the son's first superhero and the daughter's first love just to kind of butchers the position you know parents hold in the lives of children we're kind of first in everything at the end of the day so yeah just to butchers what you've just said thank you thank you Shay yes okay so there's a question by Louis he's written past where do we as parents draw the line between being parents and trying to be God in the lives of our children okay that's a that's an excellent question okay so I think the primary thing we need to know and I'm going back to that verse that said children are a gift from the Lord and inheritance which means and represents that God has a specific purpose in their lives and we as parents are called to open opportunities for our children and as they age as they grow give them the freedom to to recognize sorry I'm just going back give them the teaching and the learning to recognize and being intelligent and open about what purposes the Lord has for their lives and in time as they age open up opportunities and help them recognize what they may be called to do so often we see parents living out their dreams in the lives of their children something that they have not been able to fulfill they want to see fulfilled in their children that I see is something that is not according to what God wants because God it's God's purpose that has to be fulfilled in their lives and not the purposes of us as a parent so which means they may be quite different from the way that you see and you understand things so I'll give you a very live example my 16 year old son in the last 2-3 years he's developed certain skills of art a lot of things very unlike what a boy would do lot of crochet lot of hand knitting hand craft very agile with his fingers and very precise and neat in the way that he does things so as a boy there are probably certain perceptions in our minds that there should be certain things or certain structures certain careers or things that they need to have and over the initial years we began to see and noticed that he wasn't those typical kind of boys who rough houses plays football cycles out climbs trees none of that was a more quieter more people person more art oriented more into music more into paperwork more into craft and so I began to see that God was putting certain gifts into his life right from the beginning and they were very small ones and there were many times I was told by the elderly in my home that you should get him out for a game you should get him out to exercise and cycle and climb trees but I knew within my spirit that that was not him so there were times and I think he's faced a lot of issues from even friends saying that he doesn't play like other boys does or doesn't run like other boys do and has faced those setbacks but from over years I'm able to see over let's say over the last five to six years the way the Lord has begun to shape his interests shapes his giftings in such a way that is quite unique to him and if we are able to allow and maybe at times sit back provide opportunities that does not mean you don't provide opportunities provide opportunities but if you do see that they don't work well in those opportunities don't push and force them into something you think is needed because God may have very different plans for them so something that you know my husband and I love music plays he sings and that was a big desire for us that our kids would pick up that unfortunately either of them haven't but yes those opportunities were given but in time they dropped out of that and we had to gracefully relent and say that's okay it's okay God has other plans for them so being vigilant and being sharp to look and use wisdom to see what are things that God is birthing in them is very important to allow God to have supremacy in their lives rather than you doing things wanting them to do things according to your liking I hope I answer that Louie okay Sam I think you've asked a question quickly just two minutes as parents we can either have our children safe or we can make them strong I'm not able to see that sentence please comment on how to discern between when to step in and protect our kids from harm that is bullying bad influence from peers versus trust that they will be able to fight their own battles and learn from experiences okay alright so this I think is also dependent on the age of children but right from the beginning I think one of the most important things we will be talking about some of them as we go ahead is one is to build open communication with our children in a way that they know it is safe for them to come and discuss anything with us that's primary the second thing is to know that we are we want our children to learn ways in learning how to defend in this case defend but learning how to deal with situations okay it's one thing to step in for them it's another thing to open a place of communication and interaction where you are reliving a situation with them or you are preparing them for a situation where you are there it's a sounding board helping them to come up with ideas on how they can resolve a certain problem so there are many ways one way is you tell them the next time this guy comes to bully you you do this you do this you do this you do this that becomes a very instructional method the other way is let's say in a time someone bullies you what do you think you would like you would handle it in this way it's more interrogative or inquisitional where you are getting them to also think to also critically understand how they should respond and there you can bring about correction and say maybe these are probably certain things that I would also do or these are certain things that I would wonder how would that be beneficial so let's suppose the kid says next time he comes I'm just going to knock him on his head and give him a tight one on his nose so the way that we respond to that hey you can't do that God says in his word not to do that yes that is true God says in his word not to do that but you want the child to be able to come up with an understanding and say okay one what do you think God's word says about it what do you think the after effects of an action like that would be through situations with them making every moment teachable is something that really helps children to be prepared in working out ways of how they would deal with situations and as you're doing this over their ages it is graded maybe for a two or a three year old you may not really be able to exchange and negotiate this with them but then for a six or a seven year old there's a lot more discussion for a 14 year old there's much more maybe your stepping back is a lot lesser so the few things is one communication being in a place of actively communicating with them second is in a place of preparation where every moment of the day you make it teachable take things from here and there and bring it out and ask how would you deal with it or this is the way that I dealt with it what would you like to do in such a situation so something that I keep telling my kids which I've been doing for long is when we are on trips and we see certain things maybe there are kids smoking I say these boys are smoking what do you think of it what is your stand on it what do you think the Bible says about it what do you think the world says about it so I throw questions to figure out what's on their mind and I'm also able to help them verbalize and articulate what they may be committing to do by the end of it I'll say what would you commit to do in such a case or in such a situation what do you think you would want to do at some point of time when they are actually facing that situation they come back and then they think I had this conversation with mom this is what I said I'd do that's what I'd like to follow some way or the other these conversations, these interactions will bring them back to a place of actual action okay I hope I answered that question I'm sorry we are 10 minutes into the session if there's nothing can we quickly close with a word of prayer okay I think I have two or three more questions Nisha has a question Nisha may I please take this up next week so I've copied down your question I'll take it up and we will start with this question next week Nisha okay may I please request somebody to kindly pray and close alright I'll pray thank you Harrison a few minutes ago we want to thank you we give you praise and we give you adoration we give you thanksgiving we give you all the glory for this word of knowledge this word of wisdom that we've had this morning this evening this afternoon Father we thank you because we know that it is by your grace that we can do all these things that has been spoken and we thank you because you have given us the the capability given us the capacity you've got to execute all these things that we've had Father I pray O God that we as caretakers of God we will not put you to shame or bring destruction to our children Father we thank you O God that in this time O God in this era where things are going crazy where there is so much chaos in the world where there is so much corruption bringing our children into the place that they are not supposed to be Father we pray O God that you also give us wisdom O God to be able to say the right things O God I will keep them O God in your presence Father we thank you O God for the words of wisdom O God that we've had from your servants and we pray that you increase our knowledge and for us to hear us O God Father may we not just be hearers by prayer Father we shall also be doers of this word I bless your name O God that this shall make impact in every homes and in every lives represented here and in our in our churches and community at large I thank you Father because I know that the words that we've had they will go not just only bless us but will bring O God a expansion to your kingdom I bless your name Father because we know that we are praying for what are not backwards and give you all the glory and praise be thou exalted in Jesus name I pray Amen Amen Thank you Haddison Thank you everybody a quick reminder please ensure that you do your assessment by the 5th of November I thank you God bless we'll meet you next week Thank you Ma'am Thank you