 Shot in the arm and the leg, both nearly blown off, nearly. First here's my pain meds. Since then, what's left has left him searching for relief. It is just the starting point. Opioids, cannabis oil, injections, acupuncture, anything, everything. Ready? Ready. Excellent. Action. Well, hello there, my beautiful internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. Thank you for joining me and for joining us today. I'm very excited to bring you a special guest today. This is my new friend, Joshua Nolan. He is a fellow amputee with quite a story. I learned about him a few months ago and we've been communicating via Instagram and Facebook and we finally got to meet up in person today. Yay! Yes! This is exactly how I feel actually. So I'll just start by asking Josh, how did you become an amputee because you have quite a story? Well, I mean, unfortunately it is a sad story. Obviously every amputee story is pretty much sad. So I was in the Aurora theater shooting that happened almost seven years ago and I was with my two closest friends during the midnight showing of the Dark Knight Rises where James Combs came into the theater and shot up a place. And fortunately I got shot twice. I was shot in the arm and I was shot in the leg and I was with my two closest friends that came back from their honeymoon actually that same night and him and now we used our bodies to protect his wife and luckily though I got the brute force of all the shots and they came out decently unscathed. Yeah, so you ended up shot twice? Twice. Okay. What was the chain of events immediately after that? Well, I mean, once the shooting finally stopped and they finally got me to, you know, the hospital. Yeah. I was hospitalized for three weeks and I had five different surgeries. Doctors did a great job. They were able to save my leg during that time. Yeah. Unfortunately, after the recovery was coming across, I had to walk with a cane and I suffered from major chronic, you know, pain in my leg and neuropathy in my right arm. So after about five years of multiple surgeries, pain management, multiple doctors visits, we the doctors believe that amputation was going to be just the best solution when it comes to providing me the best quality of life. So two years ago, we decided to go through the amputation surgery and we amputated my left leg. You know, I made the decision as well under obviously different circumstances, but it's such a weird position to find yourself in. It is. Making the call to remove a body part. Yeah, honestly, it's not something that you don't really think about it. Obviously, it's not a decision that you really want to make, but you know, I mean, obviously the only thing that I, the biggest reason why I decided to go for it as, you know, better quality of life, you know, I'm young, I'm strong. I can build it to handle it now compared to, you know, when I'm in my fifties or sixties or even later where they had no choice and I won't, I won't be able to handle it at that time. So I'm like, I was happy to be able to just get it done now, get it over with. And honestly, it's been the best decision I have because my quality of life has, you know, been increased tremendously. That's really good to hear. You have no idea what it's going to look like on the other side of, of, I mean, because they're going to be a fan of pain. It could be so many variables. Yeah. I haven't suffered from any type of phantoms and pain at all. Knock on wood so far. That's crazy. No way. That's awesome. Actually, I had some odd phantom sensations where I'm like, why do my toes feel like they're criss-crossed and I can't undo them? That's about it. And they're stuck there. They're stuck there. They're just so bizarre. Yeah. Oh, no way. Cause I wonder, I've always wondered about that because I've heard from people too that had, I'm not sure the proper term is, but more like the traumatic invitations where like you wake up and no idea and it's gone. The shock is there. So much harder on your nervous system and, you know, a lot of different things obviously because you don't include. Your brain hasn't able to catch up with what's happening and you're, you're looking and you're like, and you're still like, it's gone. It's, it's, it's not there. What happened? And, but compared to our situations, we're knowing that's going to happen. So we are mentally prepared and our, you know, our brains are cat up. Obviously the nerve systems have to, you know, do their thing. And that's, I mean, that's a whole new situation that, you know, it's on itself. Yes. Sorry. When I, I think I watched one, um, one of the news stories on you. And what's something that was really interesting to me because it was very similar to my story when I actually made the decision is you were walking to some extent before your surgery. I mean, obviously not like, obviously not walking without pain, but if someone looked at you from the outside, they might not be like, Oh, obviously the best idea is to, you know, cut your leg off. Was it hard to explain that to people around you? Was it hard to explain your decision? Or was it at the point where this is what you needed? And it was just, um, everyone was on board. Mostly everybody that I talked to are pretty much on board. You know, I was definitely one of those that kind of hid the pain. Like I, you know, so like I didn't want to express it, you know, all the time. So yeah, I mean, a lot of people will see me walk with or without a cane. But, you know, I had to walk with a cane that was the most comfortable. And, uh, but sharing that kind of pain with everybody that wants to come up to you and ask you be like, Hey, why, you know, sort of thing. So you, you know, sometimes you just kind of get over with, you know, saying the same thing over and over again. But, uh, um, but yeah, I mean, the pain was more on the inside than shown on the outside, which is definitely something that people will never understand because they will never, you know, hopefully we'll never have to go through that. So it's definitely one of those invisible, you know, pains that people will never understand unless they ask, you know, ask the right questions. Yeah, right. Which can get exhausting. Yeah, sure can, sure can. You went through something where obviously at the same moment, you experienced severe physical trauma and severe emotional trauma at the same time. I don't think it's ever a question of like what's, what's worse? Cause they're both, um, catastrophic to some extent. But what has the, I'm not even sure the right way to ask this question, but what has the process been like going through both of those at the same time where what you physically experienced is related to what you've, you know, mentally and emotionally experienced? Well, I think it's definitely different. It's, it's always going to be different for each person. So depending on that person's personality types, it can definitely weigh from one side to the other. Sure, yeah. Um, I mean, I think with my military background experience, um, I was able to deal with certain PTSD aspects that maybe somebody that didn't have a military background or just, you know, like, you know, like yourself or whatever, don't know how to be able to, you know, react and it can be, you know, catastrophic on either side. My PTSD was, you know, I think it was still, it was still there, but it was very limited because I knew how to be able to, you know, manage it, you know, decently well. Cause being with my military brothers and sisters, it's something that you're talked about and you train for, you try to get mentally prepared for it because you never know when it's going to happen. I'm still didn't mean that I was in a perfect condition. Even though it's not something you get over. Yeah, no, you never get over it at all. I mean, July is my worst month every single year because it's, oh, it comes around every single year, learning how to manage it. It takes time and patience and obviously you have to find the proper resources that, no, that can help you specifically. It, I mean, if it's just being around friends, if it's seeing a professional therapist, you know, if it is medication, if you know a specific medication does help you, then, you know, that's fantastic. You just got to find that right resource that, you know, they can bella to assist you and you only and me personally, it was my real close friends and the family that have around me. And then knowing that I have two boys and I raised completely on my own, like I don't have time to wallow in my own self pity, trying to reach or trying to fix things. They need their dad now. They can't wait for me. So they were my, you know, huge inspiration to move forward and bella to be where I'm at today. Yeah, instead of staying like in just and only the depth of everything. Yeah, and it's hard. It's hard to get over that home too. When you know, something traumatic's happened to you. It's some, you know, you can sit there and wallow in that pity in a long time and it's tough. It's a, it's a heavy, you know, burning the bear on your shoulders and it doesn't, it's not easy. It's not an easy step to bella to take the bella to get better. And it doesn't happen overnight either. It takes a lot of time and a lot of patience and a lot more falls, you know, a lot more disappointments before you actually reach to where you're happy. Even still to this day, I still have disappointments in myself, but, you know, I look at it as just the experiences that I know that I need to fix that I know can bella to get over. I look at your story, the pieces of it that I know the conversation that we've had. And I know that you express something that's really important to you is living life after you've been through something so outside the norm of what anyone would ever expect to go through. What do you ever want to go through? How, what does that look like to you? When I think about the stuff that I do, you know, all of the physical exercises I do, the running, the, the outdoor plays and everything else, there, those are just things that it's just another obstacle that it's like, you know, can I still do it? You know, and if I can still do it, I know I need to because it's something it was part of my life before my amputation and I still want to make sure it's still part of my life even after the amputation. And it was my it's my personal joy that really gives it to me and it gives me that extra strength to know and I can still and I can do it again. I think that that's that's a conversation I've had with a lot of people to you that for me, like with the emotional and like mental trauma that I went through, it was finding an MMA class, like I did MMA for two years a long time ago. And like if I could make it every day to six o'clock to go to Carlos's boxing class, like that's, I could like make it through. I could like find, you know, through the the midst of the darkness on that day. So don't mess with you then. I'm all right. But it was it brought me so much joy and it was like one thing that brought me joy where I didn't really necessarily think that anything could anymore. I almost feel like sometimes it's a process of collecting those things that are still. It does. Okay. And then you find more joy in that menu. Yep. And actually, I think you kind of respect a little bit more too, because you didn't realize how much it made you happy until like, you know, when you watch your leg and you think that it's like, oh, I'm never going to do this ever again. Yes. You know, there was that, there was a time when I was thinking like, oh, I'm never going to run again. There's, I'm never going to be able to do anything that used to be fun in my life. You know, innovations when it comes across aesthetics is just absolutely amazing. Like there really is no limits anymore. You can still do, you know, what you want and even more. And there's so many other people are so much more even inspirational than even myself that do such great. It really, if you want to find someone to look up to, you can find them. I'm climbing Mount Everest, you know, doing these just amazing feats. And I'm like, wow, OK, I have no excuses. I'm like, I really don't. I really don't because I mean, I still remember the day that I knew it was it was my excuse. I was actually, I was in a, in a grocery store and I saw this men's fitness health magazine and he was, his name is Noah Galloway. Oh, I know him. Yes. Yes. He lost his arm and his leg and he hears this, you know, amazing physique guy on the, you know, the front cover of men's fitness health magazine. I'm like, so I grabbed it and I read his story and I was just amazed. And that was the moment I knew I can start doing something for myself. I started to get, I started getting off my pain meds. I started trying to work out and I followed him and he was, he was my personal inspiration. I made that really actually helped me where I'm at today. That's so cool. Like just in a grocery store one day and you, you just come across it. Yeah. You're losing your limb obviously was related to the trauma that you experienced was making that choice to like get rid of it. Did that feel liberating in any way? No, it took, it took a year. No, yeah, because when we first talked about it and, you know, discussion with amputation, like this is going to be probably the best results. If you, if you like, if you want to bear a quality life, this is the best result. Yeah. We can keep on trying more and more, but guarantee this is going to be the best result if you want a better quality of life. Yeah. It took me a year just to be able to tell myself this is what's going to happen and I feel like I exhausted all of my resources that I felt like I, you know, I've done to get to my points like, OK, amputation is going to have to be it. Yeah. We're going to have to go through with this thing. It's kind of important to exhaust all those other options because it's a decision. You never want to, like, what, what the heck? Yeah, because you can't take it back. You can't. You can't. So you have, so yeah, so don't think, you know, amputation is the only thing that's going to happen. You got to talk to your doctors, find out, you know, get second opinions, see other people, you know, exhaust all the resources that you can be able to find in the course you can afford. Yeah, that's the other thing. Don't drown yourself in debt. Yeah. You know, trying to find the miracle cure because there's not, I mean, even amputation is not a miracle cure. No. It comes with its own response, its own problems, its own pain. Yeah. Were there any surprises at good or bad after, like in the first few months after amputation? I guess even the first two years. Oh yeah, I mean, there's definitely, I mean, the first six months was, you know, a bunch of setbacks, you know, back to the hospital, back to getting this done, getting this fixed, you know, because I had a hematoma, I had the bone spur, the socket in for it, you know, fit properly. I was bleeding everywhere, you know, just like, it's like when is this going to be done? I mean, it's like, it's like, I thought I was supposed to make it better. And I felt like it was a point where I thought this was going to get even worse. But I kept, you know, I was just at that point where I was just tired. But once, you know, everything was finally healed and, you know, the multiple vitzes to my process, you know, to my processes, we finally found something that worked perfectly for me. And then, you know, once I got it and everything was healed up, everything just started looking forward from there. Yes. And of course, it's not perfect. We still have to make small little changes here and there. But that comes with being, you know, an amputee. You had, you know, it's not, you know, it's perfect now. It's not. It's like having a car. You constantly have to go and get checked on. It might be good for a few months, but then like something starts clicking and making weird noises. Exactly. It's like, oh, that bull. It's not supposed to be there. Yeah, exactly. It's like, why is my foot, you know, turned that direction that the other way? It's literally when it comes to more of like the mental emotional side of things, what, what have been some empowering or helpful or challenging or positive things for you in getting to a healthier place? You know, I went on some social media sites and I started kind of looking around for people that, you know, do amazing things and, you know, prosthetics and even just people actually that do amazing things, even their, you know, able bodies, you know, I was just looking for somebody that kind of gave me that little extra. It's like, wow, it's like, I can do this. Let's try it. Let's try it. And so I just kind of look around and I start finding people on social media and I start following them and see what kind of things that they're doing because they gave me some ideas. They gave me some resources. They, you know, they're doing some, you know, some amazing things. And I'm just like, OK, all right. And like, obviously, I'm not going to jump right into that. You know, I had, you know, start, you know, baby steps, you know, I have to work, you know, go through it, you know, like one of the biggest things I absolutely love doing is, you know, is running. And it's like, I want to go back into running. You know, so I talk to my prosthetist and be like, I want to get back into running. Yeah. What can we start doing? Or how do I can start practicing, you know, getting into running? You know, my first running blade and I attended a running clinic that, you know, and it was a free, you know, a free running clinic for amputees. Yeah. And they, you know, everybody there, all the sponsors were providing, you know, different types of, you know, running blades and they have all these amazing resources and all these people to talk to. And you had, you know, beginners and advanced, you know, people that, you know, do all these things, all of it, all of it. So I was able to ask all these questions, try all these different types of things and just kind of tried, you know, running and it just, it just empowered me like, oh gosh, I love the feeling of getting back into my running again. Because I just, something I was extremely passionate about when I was able body. And now I get to do it again. It's just like, oh, it's just, it's just, it's amazing feeling. It's that personal, natural high you get when you finally get that feeling back. And it's just like, oh, yeah. And then this went from there. I totally get that. A couple of weeks ago, I went to Ninja Warrior, you know, like American Ninja Warrior, that show. Oh yeah. And I was like, I'm sure I can't do anything here. I'll just go like for my friend, because he like works here. I wouldn't like, you know, support or whatever. And I went and I was able to do so much more than I thought I could. I love that stuff. Like I love like domestic stuff or something just like pushes you in anyway, right? And I was able to actually do it. And you, I mean, I don't know about you, but like I forgot that I was missing a leg. Like I was just doing stuff. I was just being a person and you get that high, you know, and you're like, oh, I can do this, I can do stuff. And it's, I think it's very healing, very It is. It's very therapeutic. You know, you need it. Yeah. Like I went down to the amputee coalition conference. Oh yeah. The one was in Texas, right? Yeah, it was in Texas. Yeah. And I, I realized like, I was like, oh, I've kind of been participating in the outskirts of the amputee community, but actually immersing myself in it. I was like, I have a hard time with us. It was just challenging to be like, I actually do ask people for help. These are my people like to really, there was sort of like a stumbling block there. Did you have any challenges finding and like actually engaging in different communities, be it like, you know, PTSD or amputation or anything like that? Or was it something where you're like, this is what I need? Here we are. That's exactly what it was. Actually, I had, you know, I know it was something that I needed. And I talked to the right people, at least I talked to like my doctors and my prosthetics and they were able to direct me to the right people I needed to talk to. Yes. And that's, you know, how and that's, that's what helped me out. You know, you just got to know the right people to talk to. You just got to start from the bottom, work your way up, you know, and then you find that person that's going to help. Yes. You know, if you're one of those that don't like to talk about yourself very much, you got to be, you know, willing to tell your story a little bit. So they know they can help you, you know, walking up and say, yeah, I'm an amputee. Perfect. How can we help? Well, I don't know how I can help. How can I help? How can I help you? I'm like, there's a lot of things I can help with, but, you know, you're, you're, I mean, you're, you know, you, so you have to be able to tell them what they can be able to assist you in. Yes. Because if your drive is to be a mountain climber, you know, they can be able to direct you to people that can help you out with that. You know, if you're just wanted to, if you want to go back into dancing, you know, there are people that can help you out with that. I mean, the resources are out there, but you have to make sure you know, they'll ask the right questions to the people that can help you out. And I think, um, like learning the vocabulary to ask for help and, and going through that process can take a little while, but you just have to participate in everything. I'm still learning the lingo. Yes, yeah. It's like, would you say a BK what? What? Oh, no, I know. Seriously. Like you need your own little book of dictionaries when it comes to just acronyms. What is something that you would say to someone who feels like there isn't life for them after they've gone through something huge for them, something like grief or trauma or, or feeling the blank and doesn't know how to find any kind of life again. That, I mean, that is definitely the, uh, the darkest end of anybody's path that it's very challenging to be able to first, you have to learn to accept that what's happened to you has happened. You can't do anything about it to change. Yeah. Once you first, you know, accept that what's happened to you, you had to make that personal sacrifice to be able to want to reach the, you know, the light. Yeah. And I mean, and that will always come with more challenges on its own. There's a specific quote that I followed. I'm not a product of my circumstances. I'm a product of my own decisions. I can't do anything that's happened to me. It's happened. I accepted it. It's my decision to be able to become a better person. Yes. Because nobody's going to do it for you. There are people out there that's going to love you. And there's always going to be somebody that's going to want to help. You just got to reach out and be able to get the help. There's always a point you're turning around. Always a point. What is one thing that you're working towards or shooting for? Like looking forward to and you're a very physical person. You're big into CrossFit. That's something you're hoping to do. Well, I mean, there's definitely. So there's a few races that I want to do over the summer. Like some oscule races like Spartan. Looks so cool. I've done. So I did Spartan races before the shooting. And I want to get back into it again. Yeah, Spartan races, some 5K, some 10Ks, half marathons. And then next year, my goal is to compete in a race called the Dopey Challenge, which is held in Florida at World at World Disney. And that's a lot of running in a few days, isn't it? Yes, it is. It is. So it's a four day race where the first day is a four as a 5K. The second day is a 10 K. The third day is a half marathon and the fourth day is a full marathon. I don't even have to be entirely honest. That's not the best possible way. I mean, I'm sure you're going to need a wheelchair after I'm done just to get here around. So it sounds like hard work, but it's super worth it. Yeah, it's completely worth it. It will be. If anybody wants to follow me at my social media post, so I am on Instagram amputee 81 warrior is my tag. Very fitting. I like it. Yeah, I'm not as social as this amazing person right here. She provides all such amazing resources, but you can follow my page. Of course, you can hit me up with questions. I'd be happy to answer anything they have, you know, that you have. Yeah, I'll pop that up on screen. And also, I mean, he posts pictures and videos all the time of doing crazy stuff in the CrossFit gym, which personally to me, it's very inspirational. So go check him out. Well, Joshua, thank you so much for chatting with me today taking the time. It's been my pleasure. It was great. Amazing to meet you as well. Thanks for being here and thanks for listening today, guys. I really appreciate you guys taking a few minutes out of your day to spend them here with us. Love you guys. I'm thinking about you and I'll see you in the next video. Bye, guys. I think our our poor significant others are. Yes, they're hating us. It's like, God, how much longer? Seriously? Right, are you still talking?